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| "Here's to Canada... Go away!" |
Absolutely no TV character had more fun mocking Canada than hilarious hound-dog bad-boy Barney Stinson from the show, How I Met Your Mother. Granted, it was always at the expense of Robin Scherbatsky, a Canadian ex-pat TV announcer who somehow landed in New York City.
Barney: It's not going to be easy like the Canadian Citizenship Test.
Robin: How do you know the Canadian Test is easy?
Barney: It's Canada! Number 1) Do you want to be Canadian? Number 2) Really?
Week in, week out, we laughed very loudly right along because hey, if you're gonna get dissed, taking a shot to the pills from TV's most awesome character of all time makes the laughs worth it. Plus we're Canada - everyone (Barney excepted) loves us.
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| Robin Scherbatsky hangin' and chillin' at The Hoser Hut... |
Robin: Canadian Thanksgiving celebrates explorer Martin Frobisher's valiant yet ultimately unsuccessful attempt to find the North-West Passage.
Barney: Why are you guys even a country?
No, it's true. Frobisher never did find the North-West Passage but many years later, moronic rapper Kanye West and famous-for-no-actual-reason Kim Kardashian named their kid North West so it's not like it was all for naught. Granted, that also makes Kim's lady-parts the North West Passage. Frobisher was going the wrong way. As dysfunctional as this pair is, I think it's admirable that at least they gave their kid a sense of direction.
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| Who let that bitch Veronica into Canada? And Archie, give your head a shake, you dumb-ass ginger. Betty looks exactly the same but blonde! |
Naturally, as everything except gas stations and convenience stores are closed today to celebrate our country's 147th birthday, I took a chance and called Nickel Brook Brewery to see if they were open. Owner John Romano himself answered the phone. "Well, sort of, kind of, maybe," he noted. "What do you need?" A quick growler refill, I noted. "Come down within the hour."
Happy Canada Day to me! Turns out they were doing month-end inventory but could sneak a couple of growler refills into their afternoon. I'll never forget when I first bought the growlers from John last October or so. "Okay, it's very important that you drink these within four days," he noted ever-so-solemnly. A growler is slightly less than a six-pack in volume - 1.9 litres or 64 ounces to my American friends. To quote Barney, "Not Even Remotely A Challenge... Accepted!"
Barney in Canada standing on a chair in a Tim Horton's: Attention, Canada. I am Barney from America and I am here to fix your backward ass country. Number 1) Get real money. I don't know what board game this came from but it's a joke. There's kids playing hockey on the back. It's like you want us to make fun of you.
Just this past weekend under bright sunny skies, Toronto held the hugely-popular Gay Pride Parade, this year slugged the World Pride Parade. Beer Musketeer (and teacher) Cat happily hopped onto the Toronto District School Board float where revellers wore hot pink "WE TAKE NO BULLying" shirts to celebrate the board's Anti-Bullying Policy.
Now this annual event is about as Canadian as it gets. Toronto Police holster their pistols and carry high-powered super-soakers instead and folks, they had no problems using them. There were 12,000 registered people actually in the parade and more than one million onlookers! That means a crowd roughly one-third the size of the entire city showed up. New York City's Pride Parade, held the same day, drew about the same size crowd, despite being 10 times more populated than Toronto.
Seeing the crowds from on top of her perch on the float, Cat called it "one of the most incredible experiences ever!" Because he was moving, Beer Musketeer Glenn missed all the fun but Stevil St Evil and I were online, cheering her on. Looked like a blast - a very colourful blast. Also it's good to have at least one Beer Musketeer with a social conscience because lord know it's not gonna be me or Stevil...
Now you know why it's good to be associated with beer in Canada such as I am, through work, play and this thing here? It's this - 80% of all alcohol consumed in Canada is beer. I joke about many things... but never beer. Also I read it on the Internet so it must be true. I am Canadian so I am very trusting... Also I live here and god knows I'm doing my part.
We also have more doughnut shops per capita than any country in the world. That's handy because if you ever need a cop, that's where they usually are.
Our first Prime Minister, Sir John A MacDonald, was a serious-ass boozer, big gin drinker... and we liked it. He was also a lawyer so, you know, no wonder... I kinda like that our first Prime Minister more or less set the tone for the rest of us. Yes, bartender, I believe I will have another - it's what John A would have wanted...
Okay, a couple of videos to end off this little Canada Day offering and frankly, it's impossible to start with anything but: My Name Is Joe And I... Am... Canadian
Well, at Montreal's Just For Laughs Festival a year or two after Joe's little rant, Canadian actor William Shatner came out on stage and gave his own version of it which you can see here at: I Speak English and French... not Klingon!
Okay, remember the Molson Canadian fridges planted around the world, particularly at the Sochi Winter Olympics - the ones that could only be opened by a Canadian passport. They came home. And then Molson's upped the ante. You wanna free beer now? You better sing our national anthem. See it here at: Sing It, Sad Sack! That came all the way from Puerto Rico and my buddy, Sweet Daddy Frankie. Thanks man!
Okay, final word goes to Barney because he's Legen - Saskatchewan grows lotsa... WHEAT for it - dary.
Robin: My friend from Canada had to do her vows twice, once in French.
Barney: They speak French there, too? God, that's country's messed-up.
Barney, even the name Canada is half "eh's". Back in three days to honour our American friends on their Independence Day with some of their best that I've had over the past year. For now, guys and dolls, that's it, that's all and I am outta here!!! Until next time, I remain...
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| Yeah, that's pretty much true. Man-man, woman-woman, man-woman. We are pretty much open with every sexual orientation suffering equally. |
Just this past weekend under bright sunny skies, Toronto held the hugely-popular Gay Pride Parade, this year slugged the World Pride Parade. Beer Musketeer (and teacher) Cat happily hopped onto the Toronto District School Board float where revellers wore hot pink "WE TAKE NO BULLying" shirts to celebrate the board's Anti-Bullying Policy.
 |
| Cat with her friend Andrew, who's tough to spot because he's wearing camouflage shorts, and two of her students |
Now this annual event is about as Canadian as it gets. Toronto Police holster their pistols and carry high-powered super-soakers instead and folks, they had no problems using them. There were 12,000 registered people actually in the parade and more than one million onlookers! That means a crowd roughly one-third the size of the entire city showed up. New York City's Pride Parade, held the same day, drew about the same size crowd, despite being 10 times more populated than Toronto.
Seeing the crowds from on top of her perch on the float, Cat called it "one of the most incredible experiences ever!" Because he was moving, Beer Musketeer Glenn missed all the fun but Stevil St Evil and I were online, cheering her on. Looked like a blast - a very colourful blast. Also it's good to have at least one Beer Musketeer with a social conscience because lord know it's not gonna be me or Stevil...
 |
| Yeah, well, if I had adamantium claws like Wolverine, you wouldn't hear me saying "I'm sorry" to many people either. |
Now you know why it's good to be associated with beer in Canada such as I am, through work, play and this thing here? It's this - 80% of all alcohol consumed in Canada is beer. I joke about many things... but never beer. Also I read it on the Internet so it must be true. I am Canadian so I am very trusting... Also I live here and god knows I'm doing my part.
We also have more doughnut shops per capita than any country in the world. That's handy because if you ever need a cop, that's where they usually are.
Our first Prime Minister, Sir John A MacDonald, was a serious-ass boozer, big gin drinker... and we liked it. He was also a lawyer so, you know, no wonder... I kinda like that our first Prime Minister more or less set the tone for the rest of us. Yes, bartender, I believe I will have another - it's what John A would have wanted...
 |
| Come on, Fisher-Man Bob... sing it like you mean it!!! |
Okay, a couple of videos to end off this little Canada Day offering and frankly, it's impossible to start with anything but: My Name Is Joe And I... Am... Canadian
Well, at Montreal's Just For Laughs Festival a year or two after Joe's little rant, Canadian actor William Shatner came out on stage and gave his own version of it which you can see here at: I Speak English and French... not Klingon!
Okay, remember the Molson Canadian fridges planted around the world, particularly at the Sochi Winter Olympics - the ones that could only be opened by a Canadian passport. They came home. And then Molson's upped the ante. You wanna free beer now? You better sing our national anthem. See it here at: Sing It, Sad Sack! That came all the way from Puerto Rico and my buddy, Sweet Daddy Frankie. Thanks man!
Okay, final word goes to Barney because he's Legen - Saskatchewan grows lotsa... WHEAT for it - dary.
Robin: My friend from Canada had to do her vows twice, once in French.
Barney: They speak French there, too? God, that's country's messed-up.
Barney, even the name Canada is half "eh's". Back in three days to honour our American friends on their Independence Day with some of their best that I've had over the past year. For now, guys and dolls, that's it, that's all and I am outta here!!! Until next time, I remain...
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