Ottawa Part One: Friends become family

Most of their faces were familiar in the 613 Ottawa Brew Crew Craft
Brewery Invasion last weekend. From left to right, Glenn, Curtis, Ben,
Joel, Josh, Paul, Matty and Danny. Many of us had first met at the
Huntsville Brewhouse where we made (with a lot of help) the famous
Bucket List IPA. But there were a few newcomers - Ben, Josh and Paul.

As in pretty much every aspect of life, one thing leads to another. I have never really believed in coincidences. My thinking is that nearly all things are inter-woven.

Lest that sound too New Age-y, The Universe Will Guide Us claptrap for you, let me just reassure the masses - I am talking about beer, good great craft beer here, not some metaphysical bullshit. Ain't nobody got time for that!

But allow me to present the facts as I see them. A bunch of us - 13 in total - got together to create a beer at the Huntsville Brewhouse back in April. Shortly after, two of those Brew Crew participants decide to create an Ottawa Craft Brewery Day.

My man, Newmarket Beer Store Bro Paul, shown here at
Kichesippi Brewing ready to steal that bicycle-keg combo
(which had no beer in it so mission aborted) was ON FIRE
with the quips, the jokes and the disses all day Saturday.
Man, he may have had more fun than anyone! Great time!

Coincidence? I think not. One thing almost always leads to another. Huntsville led to Ottawa. I am convinced of it. However, I am also convinced if I continue to work at it, I'll develop telekinesis, whereby I will be able to lift up cars, trucks and tanks... just by using the power of my incredible mutant mind!!! It could happen. You don't know.

We were missing some from the Huntsville adventure - Hamilton Craft Beer Couple, Homebrewer Graeme, Hamilton Artist-Cartoonist David and Barrie Beer Bro Hago - but we gained some new ones in Ottawa - Newmarket Beer Store Bro Paul, Nepean Beer Store Bro Ben and Spearhead Brewing owner Josh. So that's more or less Even-Steven. The rest of the cast remained the same.

But... I dunno... to me, it was like something bigger happened in Ottawa, too. You see, in Huntsville, many of us were meeting for the first time. And honestly, even though we had only previously chatted on Twitter, we all became fast friends when we met in person. This time, in Ottawa, it seemed to become something different.

"Goddammit, Donny, I said 'No paparazzi!!' Put
that weird-ass old camera down!" Yeah, so sorry,
Matty, I don't listen to Satan-spawned Habs fans.
With Maple Leafs, Habs and Ottawa Senators
fans all in the group, there was plenty of hockey
burns and chirps on the day. But no fist-fights.

This time - again, to me, anyway - there was a strong element of becoming, well, like family. You know how we all have those groups outside actual family that you none-the-less consider to be family? Yeah, I kinda think that's what happened here. I'm not sure if the others felt the same way but lemme tell you why that doesn't matter.

You see, this time, it was ALL guys. And if we're family, that means we're brothers. You ever see the actual dynamic between brothers? Insults fly. Burns, well, burn. Disses devastate. Occasionally, fists fly. (Not here, of course.) Basically, your entire life is running them down, belittling them the best you can. But at the end of the day? You'd do anything for them.

So if the other guys didn't get the family vibe that I did? Screw 'em. I'm the oldest, anyway, so they're just little brother pests. I say that, of course, with brotherly affection. (Also, Mom says none of you guys were planned!!! Way to be, you birth accidents!! Best part of you guys probably dribbled down Dad's leg!)

So you get the idea. Even the three new-comers were in on the chirps, particularly Josh and Paul. (Ben drove for a good portion of the day and couldn't imbibe the tasty malts-and-hops nectars quite to our level, which was, of course, beyond reason. Also, it's the law, as well as good old-fashioned common sense so...)

Friday Night when some were just slowly drifting into Ottawa from all
points across the Province, I was already at Orleans Brewing, enjoying
many a wobbly with Spearhead owner Josh, Ottawa Joel, Orleans'
owner Yann and Ottawa Matty. Josh is holding up - I shit you not - a
cup of bacon. "Bacon: Because arteries don't just harden on their own."

Curtis had spent the Friday night in Cornwall, visiting his sister and man, did he get jeered for that. All I know about Cornwall is it's pretty much the last Ontario town on the 401 before you hit Quebec. So really, I couldn't participate.

But to hear the guys diss it, you'd come to learn that the town of 47,000 have banned corn-on-the-cob because between them all, there have only 47,000 teeth. That your Mom is somehow also your aunt. And possibly your grandmother. One of the guys relayed the tale of asking a travel person the best hotel to spend a night in Cornwall and was told to keep driving to Kingston. And here's the thing. Curtis lives in Guelph and somehow found himself holding the goats' horns for Cornwall. But that's how brothers are. Just brutal.

To see a table quite literally filled with Dominion
City Sunsplit IPA - it was available on tap but
wasn't in retail - well, that's a beauty sight. Here,
in a Glenn picture, Danny looks at them in glee.

With fans of the Montreal Canadians, Toronto Maple Leafs and Ottawa Senators all in the wolf-pack, well, NHL rivalries were a gimme for this day. Matty and Danny very deliberately wore their Montreal jerseys on Saturday. As we were gathering, Josh very casually sauntered up, took one look at them and said, "Why would they make a jersey with a toilet seat on it? Who the hell would want something like that?" Toronto's repeated losses to the Boston Bruins in the first round of the playoffs two years running also came up maybe once, twice, probably 1,700 times. I think a few of them found it both hilarious and fascinating that with young thoroughbreds such as Auston Matthews and Mitch Marner on the bench in the waning moments of a crucial match, Leafs coach Mike Babcock thought, "Hey, you know who I should sent out there? I think 39-year-old Patrick Marleau is our man!!" (I'm still face-palming that.)

Oddly, the one guy who escaped hockey wrath was Joel, an Ottawa Senators fan. Why? Well, his team finished dead last in the NHL last year and has Eugene Melnyk as an owner. Toronto fans, such as myself, remember Harold Ballard. So there's kind of an "Ouch, I remember what that was like" thing.

Seeing the pounding poor Glenn was getting from
us in person and on social media, Curtis stood tall
and told us how Glenn had met his brother, Mitch,
and his lady, Anne, at Dominion City and happily
invited them to join in the fun. Curtis said it made
his Mitch's day just being asked. Hey, we all know
Glenn is a great guy. Just don't tell him we said
that. Don't want the dude getting all righteous...

You can diss a brother. But you don't bend him over and jam a cactus up his ass. (But seriously, man, why is your team's arena 23 kilometres outside the city? The Leafs don't play on the Oakville-Mississauga border. The Habs don't play in Chateauguay, Quebec. Just weird, man.)

Hailing from Sudbury, Danny got some ribbing himself. Truth be told, it was the usual Northern Ontario stuff. What's it like now with electricity? How are those indoor toilets working out for you? What did your brother Darryl and your other brother Darryl think of you coming to the big city? Like I said, nothing that's gonna paralyze you with panic.

But Glenn, oh my stars and garters. Where to begin as some of it was self-inflicted. Well, okay, let's start with the St Lawrence River. No matter where we were in Ottawa, Glenn kept asking where the St Lawrence River was. What direction it was. Well, of course, Ottawa is not close to the St Lawrence River. Not even remotely. I think he may have meant the Ottawa River or perhaps the Rideau Canal? Or perhaps even, "Can you point towards the south-east for no particular reason?" But, well, it's Glenn (who I love) so I'm not really sure.

One time, Ben was driving us from one brewery to other and again, Glenn piped up, "Which way to the St Lawrence River?" Ben kinda hummed and hawed while beside me in the back-seat, Curtis was doing that silent laugh shake.

This is why I have always thought Kylie. who I knew
way back in the Rib Eye Jack's craft beer days, was
the best. I go into Nickel Brook looking for one to give
to Danny because man, he lusted after that glass. And,
well, read on. Because Kylie went above and beyond.

Finally, I just said it. "Who are you, Christopher F**king Columbus? How is that even relevant?" Glenn said something about liking to get his bearings and that was that. Except I think it happened a few more times over the course of the day because man, he was getting clobbered (in a funny way) by the guys on social media over the whole St Lawrence River thing. Glenn's old like me so I doubt he really cares but man, it was a riddle.

But it got even better. After he and Paul both landed separately on Friday night and eventually connected with a handful of us at Orlean's Craft Brewing, we all eventually retreated to our hotels towards the end of the evening. But Josh had two trays of Spearhead Brewing's brand spankin' new 4 India Session Ale in his room and invited us up. Because our hotels were adjoining with a convention centre connecting the two, I was up there in a flash. Two minute walk home? I can do that. But because Paul and Glenn were sharing a room at a Holiday Inn that wasn't quite as close as we thought, they had a bit of a hike back to our turf.

Julia pours one of us a taster when we
visited Kichesippi as our first stop on
Saturday. We'll get into the breweries we
visited in the next outing in the space.

Strangely, just as I was getting ready to head back to my place from Josh's room after enjoying two of Spearhead's 4 India Session Ale, they called up to the room. I was stunned. Glenn's got a bad knee so I had no idea how they got over so fast. Anyways, they came in, I left and that was that.

Until Saturday morning. I asked Paul how they got back to the Holiday Inn ($10 cab ride) and said, good stuff. Paul says to me, "Have you ever heard this guy snore?" Well, truthfully, no, I admitted. But the reason I always bunk alone in hotels, refusing roommates, is that, according to those poor ladies I've been with, I not only snore, I also talk gibberish in my sleep, cough loudly and on occasion, sleep-walk. (Gosh... and I'm single - go figure.)

Because we all kinda shrugged Glenn's snoring off (guys snore), Paul decided to tape it Saturday night. And then posted it on Twitter Monday morning. Allow me to set the stage. I've taken my Mom to the dentist so I'm sitting alone in the waiting area. I click on Paul's recording. Not only do I hear the loudest, weirdest snoring ever... but Paul's doing colour commentary on it while it's happening!!! Like that Aussie Man stuff. He called it the "coffee percolator" as in, "Okay, here we go! We're back to the coffee percolator!" I likened it more to loud, repeated wet farts. And the comments came flying fast and furious. It was horrific! And I could not stop laughing! The receptionist asked me twice if I was okay because I think she thought I was having a seizure.

Matty (left): "The Leafs suck." Glenn: "No, the Habs
suck worse." Matty: "Your team's lame." Glenn: "Your
team sits atop Mount Lame!" Matty: "We done?" Glenn:
"Yeah, I think so." Matty: "Beer?" Glenn: "Good call."

A quick shout out to one person who played a role, pre-Brewery Invasion. I popped into Nickel Brook to see if I could scrounge up one of their IPA glasses, an item Danny has long coveted from afar. Much to my surprise, Kylie, my long-time Beer Technician at the now-defunct Rib Eye Jack's Ale House, was working the bar. She was full-time nursing but stopped because her work environment, well, blew chunks. So she's nursing through an agency now on a on-call basis and working the bar at Nickel Brook. I asked about the glass. Yikes, she noted, it was discontinued to the best of her knowledge. Hmmm, I thought, well, I can give him mine. Seeing me pause, her eyes brightened. "I think I saw one floating around here!" And off she went. (She's the best!) Sure enough, she found the last remaining Nickel Brook IPA glass in existence. Eyeing it, she said, "There's spots. Lemme run it through the washer." And we continued to catch up.

Okay, next up the breweries visited during the 613
Ottawa Brew Crew Craft Brewery Invasion, which
include the visit to Kichesippi Brewing where this
sign tried to tell me what to do. A sign. Ordering me
around. This is how anarchy starts, swear to Gawd.

When I was ready to leave, she grabbed the glass, held it up and said she still saw a spot. I laughed and said, "It's for a guy! He doesn't care!" But thank you, Kylie!! You made a little Sudbury boy with the dream of owning a special glass very happy.

One last thing before we visit the breweries in this space next time. My Beau's All Natural Brewing rep Adam visited me not long ago. Turns out he had worked briefly for Josh at Spearhead before heading back to Beau's. Like I said, their paths crossed for only a short time. But he noticed something about Josh. "I've never seen him laugh. Not once."

Well, well, well, it appeared I had a super-secret mission then, didn't I? At some point on the weekend, I had to make Josh Hayter laugh! Did I succeed? Well, you'll have to come back next time when we visit Orlean's Brewing, Kichesippi Brewing, Beyond The Pale Brewing, Waller St Brewing, Bicycle Craft Brewing and Dominion Craft Brewing. But Scooby Doo Gang, that's it, that's all and I am outta here. Until next time, I remain...

Cross one off the Bucket List

When Sudbury Danny got his Bucket List IPA from his
Lake of Bays Brewing rep, he decided to have a little fun
with it, taking Hamilton artist-cartoonist David Buist's
famous interpretation of the classic Donny Phantoming
moment from that Brew Day and super-imposing it onto
the can(s) we all received. It was so realistic looking, top,
that people were asking Danny where he got it. Perfect!

Way back in April, when the ice was still locked firmly into most Muskoka lakes, a hearty band of us - we were a Lucky 13 in total - came from all points in the Province and landed in Huntsville.

For the bucolic and oh-so-Canadian cottage setting? No, Ma'am, still Winter up there at that time of year. To ice-fish? Nuh-huh, Charlie, I can think of better ways to perish. To hunt? Good gawd, no. I'd be more likely to aim a rifle at a empty beer can on a post than an animal. Unless we're talking about pigeons or seagulls. I could totally see myself aiming at sky-rats. Well, maybe in their vicinity to scare them off, anyway.

No, we were at the Huntville Brewhouse, owned by Lake of Bays Brewing, out of Baysville, to brew a beer. And with the guidance of Brewer Andrew, not just any old beer. A good old-fashioned West Coast IPA.

Now Andrew's involvement varies, depending on which of us is telling the tale. A few suggest he was off in the distance, reading a book and yelling out, "You're doing great, guys!" from time to time. Others say his involvement was minimal to moderate and any point in between. But the hard truth is he told us when to pour in the malts, when to later pour in some hops while all of us wined-and-dined the afternoon away in luxurious style, befitting royalty. So yeah, he could say he was key to the operation.

When the brewery's social media pros, Jackie and Emma, threw it at us to come up with a name for this beer, the eventual winner was Bucket List IPA, suggested by Hamilton Craft Beer Couple, Paul and Kristal. Since no one in the group had ever brewed a beer in a brewery environment (I had once but also a few home-brewers in our little collective, though), that name resonated with all of us.

Knowing there was no way of beating Danny's Bucket List photo, up top,
I went the goofball route, using a bucket (in this case, citronella, both in
honour of the Citra hops used and also mosquito reasons), a list (I would
like to tell you I misspelled Schindler because of copyright reasons but
that would be a lie) and my own label covering the can of Broken Axe
Pale Ale that the brewery eventually canned some of the batch in for us.

So anyway, that Brew Day was back in mid-April. Eventually, the question was asked: "Whatever happened to Bucket List?" At first, it was asked in Twitter back-stage forum called Messages, which lends itself to a degree of privacy between Tweet friends and apparently, Russian and Chinese hackers. (Good morning, comrades! Do svidaniya! Well, actually, that means "goodbye." Guess I'm telling 'em, eh?)

Finally, Ottawa Matty spoke up and asked the brewery directly. Well, it turns out those wheels were already in motion as within the day, Bucket List started turning up in our mailboxes. (Maybe Matty's a wizard? We don't know him that well.)

When Lake of Bays rep Tim landed at Casa Donny, he came bearing
some pretty sweet swag. As you can see, I scored one of those phone
thingeys that's used for whachamacallit, a frisbee because I am very
well known for my athletic prowess... (*sparks up a smoke*) and, of
course, three Bucket List IPAs in Broken Axe cans, two Peach Paradise
Milkshake IPAs and one Red Sky at Night Peach Cranberry Radlers.

On my end, my Lake of Bays rep Tim texted me to ask if I was at work as he would be in the neighbourhood shortly. No, I was finished for the day, I texted back, but I only lived three minutes away from work if he wanted to come to my place. (Which answers the question: Would you invite a craft beer rep to your home? Duh, of course I would! Hell, bring enough beer and he or she are welcome to crash for a few days.)

Tim showed up at about 7 pm and in retrospect, it was kinda funny. I was wearing Batman Pajama Pants, a craft brewery T-shirt and an open Hawaiian shirt at the time. (*Looks down*) And apparently, still am. Tim shows up in a pair of gym shorts and an old faded T-shirt. If a neighbour had taken a picture, they could have entitled it, "Two Older Guys Who Clearly Have Zero F**ks Left To Give." Guys are, well, slobs. We don't care.

Me leaving Lake of Bays Brewing after Bucket
List IPA was kegged. Beats me why none of the
Huntsville Brew Crew got any. Truly, it's a deep
mystery that might never be unraveled. Truth!

So how was Bucket List IPA? Well, not bragging but probably the best beer ever released since the Bavarian Purity Law of 1516. We easily beat over 500 years of beers created through history. It wasn't even close. (Legal Disclaimer: This writer's opinions are usually outright lies seldom objective and should be ignored.)

Loads of grapefruit (all I could smell when I cracked it), citrus, mango, 5.9%... just a really solid west coaster. And Brewer Andrew helped... but again, to what degree is still the topic of hot debate.

I happened upon Rob Walcot, Lake of Bays Director of Sales, not long after the brewery got the cans to each of us and we were, of course, talking about the beer and the actual Brew Day. Despite my loud-ass inclusion in the event, he still remembers the day fondly.

But I had to know how the beer went over at the Huntsville Brewhouse where it would, of course, be on tap. Very well, he noted. So well, in fact, there was talk of making it their regular west coast IPA release.

There was one wrinkle. Brewer Andrew pointed out to the higher-ups that we used so many hops in the brew that it could never be profitable from a cost prospective.

The running joke from Lake of Bays social media pros Jackie and Emma
was these shot-glasses of hops (brought out for us to smell on Brew Day)
was all the hops that were left in Huntsville after our big day. Turns out
that joke might have been closer to the truth than we knew. Hop City!!

I have never been prouder of myself or a group of new-found friends in my life. Again, to be clear... We made an IPA that had so many hops in it, a brewery would lose money brewing and then releasing it. In the end, to me, making the beer wasn't actually the Bucket List ticket at all. Using way too many hops to create it was. That's incredible! I will take that pride to my grave.

But while we each got a few cans of the Bucket IPA, it was also part of the Lake of Bays Tap Take-Over at the Summerhill LCBO one July weekend, which, as a specialty (and architecturally beautiful) LCBO outlet, started pouring growlers a few Summers ago. Turns out I have an older sister living five minutes away from Summerhill. How bow dat?

Yessiree, Buckwheat Zydeco, I managed to score a growler of the now-
famous Bucket List West Coast IPA from Summerhill LCBO in the big
city. I'm sure we'll all be talking about what fantastic brewers we are this
weekend when we crash-slam again in Ottawa for the 613 Craft Brewery
Invasion. I am trying to empty my fridge (by drinking it all) right now! 

So maybe I got a little bit more than the others folks. Luck can simply be a matter of geography. In this case, my sister's actual longitude and latitude, to be precise.

Now that's it for Bucket List but if I may, a bit more Lake of Bays news. In earlier blog, I believe I explained that their Huntsville Brewhouse was basically their base for experimenting with new styles. I'm 99.9% certain that's precisely where they began tweaking the recipe for their now quite stellar Starboard New England IPA. (True confession: I'm a diehard Haze Head.) But while there, we were very easily coerced into tasting, rating and reviewing other samples, including a double IPA of which I also got a growler from Summerhill.

In just a few days, I'll be up in Ottawa to reconnect with
this frightening trio - Ottawa Matty, Nepean Beer Store
Brother Ben and Ottawa Joel when a large number of us
Viking-crash the nation's capitol for the 613 Ottawa Craft
Brewery Invasion. Since I land on Friday afternoon, there
will be an extra round of brewery visits for me. Suh-weet!

Well, it seems the brewery is taking another big step forward. Next Spring/Summer, they will be opening The Bracebridge Barrelhouse in a new 4,200-square-foot facility, making this their third bricks-and-mortar brewery. The Barrelhouse will specialize in sours, Brett-driven, barrel-aged brews which, let's face it, every craft brewery has gotta have these days. Just like the Huntsville Brewhouse, there will be an upscale eatery component - those Trout Tacos were fantastic... and believe me, I'm no foodie. I eat simply to survive so I'm basically a junk food garburator. This will also be the first brewery in the Muskoka region to use foeders, hugely over-sized (and sometimes, ornate) wood barrels that allow the brewers to slowly incorporate oxygen into the vessel. (Bench Brewing in Beamsville is perhaps best known in Ontario for their foeder usage.)

But Scooby Doo Gang, that's it, that's all and I am outta here! Up to Ottawa with a bunch of the Brew Crew for the 613 Ottawa Craft Brewery Invasion this weekend. Expect lots of pictures on Twitter. Perhaps keep your impressionable children at a safe distance while you're at it. Until next time, I remain...