Store Wars... and a few new beers

It's a War Zone in my Beer Store... all over radio control...

There are several ongoing battles within my Beer Store these dog days of Summers - one downright hilarious, one quite noble in spirit and the last, well, about as juvenile and ridiculous as three grown men can be... Suffice it to say, I'm an active participant in the third.

The first, well, it's an update on the Radio Wars between genial giant Ryan, a former pro football player and tiny fireball Sassy Cassy as they wrestle for control of the radio stations on the old 1980s boombox back in our empties sorting and storage room.

Ryan back in his playing days for my old alma
mater, Queen's University in Kingston. Well, I
only went a year before defecting to community
college Journalism so I probably can't call it that...

When Cassy gets her way, we are listening to 99.9 Virgin Radio out of Toronto, a station that plays dance music. Somehow, through the magical osmosis that is music, I find myself now knowing the lyrics to songs by Selena Gomez, Taylor Swift, Katy Perry, Bruno Mars and, I dunno, Maroon 5? (Maroon 5 - are they still a thing? And why the hell is Adam Levine singing from a "Payphone" when I damn well know he can afford an iPhone?) When Ryan gets his way, we are tuned into Y108 out of Hamilton, a station built on old and new rock so you'll be listening to classic Led Zeppelin, Van Halen (both the David and Sammy versions), Pearl Jam and the Foo Fighters. I like all music so it doesn't really matter to me which station is on but as an old rocker, my obvious preference would be Y108 because even accidentally knowing the lyrics to a Bruno Mars' song is probably Reason #3 on the list of Why Your Man-Card Should Be Revoked.

Presently, this battle has escalated to new heights and I mean that quite literally. Ryan has taken the boombox and placed it on a shelf a good 10 feet above the floor - or more than twice Cassy's height. This battle strategy, while brilliant in conception, may have backfired on Ryan. Being as she's a wee lass, Cassy can simply jump up on the empties rollers and change it to the dance station whereas Ryan is forced to wheel over a huge 12-foot rolling ladder to change it back - a cumbersome task. If he even tried jumping on the empty roller, it would not only come crashing down under his weight, the resulting shock-wave would likely take out the empty roller at the nearest Beer Store, five kilometres (three miles) away. Being as I've seen Ryan futilely trying to use a broom handle to switch it back to rock, let's give Cassy the edge thus far in this David versus Goliath skirmish.

Cassy's approach to swaying customers towards donating
a dollar to the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society of Canada.
Using her saucer-size sad eyes, she goes full Puss In Boots

However, Ryan gets his own back in Fight #2, something we'll call Battle For The Charity Buck. Several times a year, the Beer Store raises funds for The Leukemia and Lymphoma Society of Canada, obviously a very worthwhile cause. The big fundraiser is the May 24th Weekend Bottle Drive where collectively, all the Beer Stores in the Province raised something like $1.7 million. But presently we are in the midst of another drive whereby we ask customers if they'd like to donate a dollar from either their empty refund or during their beer purchase. This has our part-timers engaged in a serious competition, each vying for the highest donations on the day. Though four of them are fiercely entrenched in this battle, once again it's boiling down to Ryan and Cassy on the leader-board as they thrive on one-upping each other. This time, it looks like Ryan will prevail with just two days left in the charity drive.

The 1974 Philadelphia Flyers are named anything but the Flyers at our store

In the course of one single day this past week, he raised over $100 and, folks, that's a dollar at the time. So looking at his week in total, he's pretty much a shoo-in for this clash. While Cassy relies on her saucer-like eyes and girlish charms, Ryan employs the old bartender technique, whereby if a customer's change is, say, $9.05, Ryan hands over a five, a toonie, two loonies and a nickel. And then he asks if the customer would like to donate a dollar. Since no one actually likes that much loose change in their pocket, he gets a dollar back nearly every time. He's a clever one - gonna be a great lawyer.

Dad's Little Helper Black IPA from those
guys at Rogue - an ode to Father's Day...

The final infantile-as-it-seems battle is being waged by Ryan and myself against co-worker Gordo, who hates our beloved Toronto Maple Leafs. Not long ago, someone brought in a plaque-mounted two-by-three foot poster of Tie Domi, the Leafs' popular enforcer back in the 1990s. I instantly put it up on the bathroom wall directly across from the porcelain throne, causing Gordo to scowl every time he went in there. A huge Philadelphia Flyers fan, Gordo retaliated by bringing in a plaque-mounted pic of the 1973-74 Stanley Cup-winning Flyers, which he then hung directly above the throne. So Ryan and I have been printing new names for the team and taping them over the word 'Flyers' - which Gordo inevitably sees and angrily tears off. Most of them are far too vulgar to print here but one of Ryan's best thus far was the Philadelphia Moustache-Riders... so you can see the happily juvenile direction this battle between the three oldest employees in the store is taking. It's a little frightening that two of us are actually fathers charged with the care of children when we are little more than that ourselves. So like most Dads, I suppose, we are all Modern Family's Phil Dunphy in spirit...

Does she? What else would she wear?

And speaking of fathers and beer, my favourite Newport, Oregon brewer, Rogue Ales, has released another of their beauties onto the shelves of Burlington, Ontario, Canada - this time, it's the Dad's Little Helper Black IPA that's been sent here to slake our thirst. Once again, the Rogue Nation wins as this baby is both plum and coffee on the nose while being an interesting, if unusual, mix of grapefruit hoppiness and bitter-sweet chocolate on the tongue. This very tasty beer, as explained on the label, is actually a tribute to Father's Day - a day that is celebrated universally by us Dads getting ties we'll never wear. Next year, I want some of this, instead... though I'll buy it for myself on any number of the 364 other days in the year.

When Sawdust City Brewing's The Princess Wears Girl Pants cracked the Top-Ten Most Creative Names at the recent US Open Beer Championships, it piqued my curiosity over the Belgian golden ale actually brewed as a Double IPA. Though a bit too much on the sweet side for me, its floral nose and citrus taste does a fine job of masking the 8.5% alcohol. Also to me, it's tough for any beer they make to beat this little brewery's outstanding Lone Pine IPA or dynamite Long Dark Voyage to Uranus Imperial Stout. Still, a solid offering.

Ahhh, so THAT'S how Denison's Weissbier became
Side Launch's Wheat... the whole sordid story unfolds

In my last blog about the inaugural Burlington Beer Festival, I mentioned how the dude at Collingwood's Side Launch Brewing booth told us that their tasty choco-bomb Dark Lager used to be called Denison's Dunkel and how there must be an interesting story behind that. Turns out there is and once again, gawd bless Google for its valuable assistance. When Toronto-based Denison Brewing closed its doors in 2003, brewmaster Michael Hancock kept two of their beers alive through contracting out to other breweries - the Denison Dunkle and Denison Weissbier. The reason he busted his butt to keep them alive was their popularity and the fact the Weissbeer was regularly situated near the top of RateBeer's best German style hefeweizens. Eventually Side Launch picked up the two winners plus Hancock himself as a bonus in 2013 and rebranded them as Side Launch Black Lager and Wheat.

At long last... a store I can actually enjoy...

However, after I reviewed the Dark Lager earlier this week and Tweeted it to Side Launch, Beer Musketeer Cat also praised their Wheat on the Twitter link. Looking at my smudged, rain-soaked notes, it appeared I hadn't tried it at the Burlington fest, just the dark lager. (More likely, I just gave up on writing notes in the tsunami.) So I found a can post-haste. Man, this is a really great wheat - banana on the nose, bubble gum at first sip which quickly transitions into hazy citrus on the tongue. Between this and Underdog Brewing's All or Nothing Hopfenweisse, this is quickly turning out to be the Summer of Stunning Wheats.

Well, today I am off to the Toronto Festival of Beer and at the moment, I'm uneasily eyeing the cloudy morning skies above Burlington. I may go two-for-two in the getting-dumped-on beer parade. However, as I noted after last week's deluge in Burlington, after a few beers, who cares??? But first, a couple of cool links sent to me by Beer Musketeer Stevil St Evil. First up, hey, Oberyn lives on! Or least Pedro Pascal does, the actor who played the uber-awesome character and suffered one of goriest deaths on Game of Thrones since Ned Stark said, "A little off the top" and got more than he bargained for. Pedro popped into Cooperstown, NY's Brewery Ommegang as they introduced their latest GoT beer, Valar Morghulis Dubbel Ale. You can read about here at: And THAT'S Why You Don't Monologue, Dumb-Ass!!! Also, Serious Eats looks at 12 countries on the verge of a craft beer explosion and among them are both Canada and Stevil's adopted homeland of New Zealand. Singled out for Canada is Montreal's dynamic Dieu Du Ciel, much beloved by the Beer Musketeers and Garage Project, the feisty little Kiwi craft guys who turned a gas station into a brewery right down the street from Stevil. Check it out here at: Italy And Israel Made This List? Seriously?

Next up in Brew-Ha-Ha! Land... the Festival of Beers, of course. But guys and dolls, that's it, that's all and I am outta here! Until next we meet, I remain...