The curious case of Rolling Rock's "33"

Should you feel the need to crush a Rolling Rock, at least make it worth your
while by taking a selfie with it while plummeting to your doom. Like this guy.

It was not all that long ago that Labatt got the rights to brew the American beer, Rolling Rock, up here in the Great White North and like its Yankee counterpart, it has proven to be a popular commodity among the mainstream-drinking masses. Its notoriety in the United States clearly can transcend an invisible line, such as a border, without a full cavity search being inflicted upon it - an honour that border guards apparently only save up for Colombian drug mules, suspected terrorists... and me.

Had one the other day for the first time (a Rolling Rock, not a cavity search) and I can confirm it is a fairly typical ball-park light lager (4.5%) that is neither horrible nor outstanding. If you like, say, Bud or Canadian, you will be well-serviced by this typical though lacklustre offering  - so clearly not my kettle of brew. That said, my little horse-and-pony show isn't about drinking only what I suspect will be good beers. It's about drinking all the beers. The occasional apology has to be made to my liver. Some time in the mid-Summer, I plan on holding an Organ of the Year party for it. That'll keep it busy for a night. The same party held for my bladder last summer was a rousing success. Well, until the seal broke... then it was all drink, pee, repeat...

After being purchased by Anheuser-
Busch, the Rolling Rock slogan
continued to be printed on the painted
label. While this only adds up to 31
words, the original began with two
more - the beer's name, Rolling Rock

But it is the "33" at the end of the beer's printed slogan that caught this old journalist's eye. It turns out that "33" is a bit of a beer folklore mystery south of the border, as well. Originally brewed by Latrobe Brewing Company in 1939, there are dozens of theories about the number. Though the brewery was snatched up by giant Anheuser-Busch in 2006, one of the early theories was that it was a nod to the NFL's Pittsburgh Steelers, who practised in Latrobe and were founded in 1933. Another theory is that it celebrates the repeal of Prohibition in 1933. One particularly wonky theory is that 33 degrees is the perfect drinking temperature for this beer, using the Fahrenheit scale still favoured by our American friends - a scale into which this Canuck still converts our Celsius scale because even after all these years, I continue to have a better understanding of Fahrenheit, much in the same way that miles make more sense to me than kilometres. Hence my propensity towards speeding tickets and my continued explanation to police officers that I still haven't fully grasped the Metric System. In fact, I suspect the only Americans who grasp it are drug-dealers, which tells you all you need to know about the Metric System. ("Yo, Jesse Pinkman... bitch!") Why I would debunk this temperature theory is that it would mean Americans getting the beer chilled to exactly one degree above freezing. Hell, in Canada, we'd have to throw the mug into the microwave to get it up to 33 degrees.

It's funny... because it's true. After Beer #5, every time

There are countless other theories, including one that said there were 33 steps from the brewmaster's office to the brewing floor (who the hell thought to count that?), but the one I have the most faith in is the one that suggests the motto on the back of the bottle was exactly 33 words. And that the brewer sent the wording to the label manufacturers with the "33" at the end to indicate it was 33 words in total. The label-makers, quite possibly drunk after getting free samples of the product as payment, misunderstood and included the "33"... which simply stayed on the bottles.

There you go. Mystery solved. See? You don't need the Scooby Gang when I'm around. For gawd's sake, they can't even solve the mystery of why Freddie still wears an ascot in 2014.

Another recent apology to my liver came courtesy of Foster's Lager. For years, it was made here under licence by Molson's until... well, that stopped. Not sure why but it has continued to be tied up in legalities, from which I always steer a wide berth. Again, my lack of understanding in the Metric System makes me overly-cautious, even about legal matters.

This is not Australian for "good beer." Turns
out it's Texan for "middle of the road crap."

Anyway, when Foster's magically reappeared in our imports delivery recently, I assumed it was the Australian version. Granted, an Australian customer visiting Canada last summer told me that Foster's was a "tourist beer", one that nobody in Australia actually drinks.  He noted that the craft beer industry in his country was exploding much as it already has in New Zealand, the USA and presently is in Canada. My appeals to have him say "Throw a shrimp on the barbie, mate" were quickly met with "Sure, as soon as you say 'oot and aboot'." Okay then, game, set and match to the Aussie.

Alas, as it turns out, this Foster's is made by Oil Can Brewery in Fort Worth, Texas, presumably as some sort of revenge against the historic misfortunes at the Alamo. Much like Rolling Rock, it's all corn and malt on the nose, nothing at all special on the tongue. More average mainstream fare. But the brewery's name does, at least, explain why the 750ml can is referred to as an "oil can" by the distribution company whereas when Molson's made it, we called it a "king can". And while calling this a "king" anything might be misleading, let's also remember that at the end of the game, the kings and pawns all go back into the same box.  So off you go, little pawn...

The problem with corked-and-caged beers? I
need either vice-grips or my teeth to get the
damn cork off. Muskoka better have a damn
good dental plan that I can leech off of...

Okay, enough about weak-ass beers, no matter how interesting their history may be. Once again, Muskoka Brewery has released their Legendary Oddity. While Beer Musketeer Stevil St Evil somehow managed to find a RateBeer review for it, it turned out that was the review for their Spring Oddity two summers ago in which it nabbed a nifty 95. Checking the ingredients, I noticed the 2014 version has been altered slightly but still I suspect this would clock in with a similar score. Brewed with (their list) Muskoka water, Juniper Berries, Heather Tips (which is why she gets such great service), Sweet and Bitter Orange Peels, North American Malted Barley, Magnum and Sorachi Ace Hops and Trappist Yeast, this 8% ale is a Belgian bomb-blast! The reviews for the Spring Oddity mostly mentioned the sweetness (it included Belgian Candi Sugar whereas this one does not), this falls in a different direction. Lots of orange on the nose, subtly fruity and spicy on the tongue, the Trappist Monks themselves couldn't have done a better job. Well, maybe they could but Muskoka employees are allowed to have sex so there's that. Another seasonal winner from the brewery that gave us the outstanding Winter Beard Double Chocolate Cranberry Stout. Just when you think they've peaked with Twice As Mad Tom IPA and Detour Session IPA, Muskoka always throws out a newbie that my liver and my taste-buds thank them for.

The Steam Whistle Can Van which holds 10 cans of beer

Toronto's Steam Whistle Brewing has always prided itself on "doing one thing really well" and that is their renowned Czech-style pilsner. Well, add another: marketing. Their big 2-litre (67 ounces) glass boot was the drinking vessel of choice at their St Paddy's Party and now they have released a 10-can Can Van package, which I think is pretty clever. Guys are snapping them up just for the souvenir package factor. When our Steam Whistle driver, Vince, recently got a white bull terrier, he honoured a buddy at work by naming him - no joke - Paul From Shipping. Formerly a clean-cut dude, Vince has let his curly red hair grow wild and has added a big thick red beard. When I asked him if he got "Ginger Jesus" much at work, he laughed and said that I was the first, but added, "That's actually nice compared to what I usually hear..." They take no prisoners at Steam Whistle.

That's it for this edition but I'll be back in two days for the Canada Day version and then three days after that to celebrate America's Independence Day with a look back at some of the finest American craft offerings I've had over the past year. There are some beauts. But guys and dolls, that's it, that's all and I am outta here!!! Until next time, I remain...