How YOU doin', America?

"I tell ya, this is a helluva way to spend July 4th..."

You know, we aren't really taught much about American history up here in Canada so really, anything we learn, we learn from the streets... the dirty, dirty streets... (Not really. We're very clean up here.)

So at first, I'll confess that I thought Independence Day was one of those made-up holidays, created by the independence companies to sell more independence. You know, like Valentine's Day but with less flowers.

It wasn't until 1996 when I saw a documentary about Independence Day that I realized it was a real thing. I tell you one thing about this documentary - when Will Smith punched that alien in the face? Whoa, then I knew this holiday was for real.

"I am NOT Bill Paxton... I repeat, NOT Bill Paxton!"

And then when your President, Bill Pullman, gave that kick-ass speech to all the soldiers and then flew that fighter jet himself? I don't mind saying, a single tear trickled down my cheek as I stood up and saluted him. And just when I thought things couldn't get any cooler, one of your leading scientific minds, Jeff Goldblum, figured out a way to download a computer virus onto the alien ship... without ONCE getting an Adobe update?? Man, that was something. I'm just glad your Vice-President at the time wasn't Bill Paxton because I seriously confuse him and Pullman all the time.

Oh, yeah... I also read something on Wikipedia about you not wanting to send the British any more taxes and throwing a bunch of their tea into Boston Harbor (sorry... "Hah-bah" is the proper Boston pronunciation) a couple of hundred years ago but I'll be frank. I liked the documentary's explanation better. More guns, less tea...

Stone Brewery's Ruination IPA. I'll tell you this for free,
America. Ruination could ruin your nation - it's that good!

But to celebrate this great day due to your stunning victory over the alien hordes, it's time to look back on the past year and remember some of the outstanding American craft beers I've enjoyed. Naturally, I'm gonna start with my favourite kind, the IPAs but rest assured, a lot of American beer styles were sampled by me and we'll get to the best of them all. Now since I've already reviewed all of these, I won't get into any of the "this on the nose, this on the tongue" stuff. I'm just gonna tell you what this Canuck thought was a Top Gun, another fighter pilot movie... but sadly lacking in aliens? Geezuz, Tom Cruise, don't waste my time - go jump on a couch or something.

Stone Brewery, out of Escondido, California, produces Ruination IPA, one of the single best beers that I've had in my life.

Green Flash Brewing Company's West Coast IPA...
♫ I wish they all could be California girls... ♫

Looking on RateBeer, there are 30 specialty variations of this IPA, as well as the regular one, above left. They've infused it with everything from blood oranges, habanero peppers, Jasmine Tea to the ashes of Dumbledore. I probably won't try any of the variations - most are one-offs and limited editions - but I don't really want to. Ain't nuthin' like the real thing, baby. Another winner is the Dogfish Head 90-Minute Imperial IPA out of Milton, Delaware, which was once called "probably the best IPA in America" by Esquire magazine. Maybe not these days with all the new challengers but still outstanding. Green Flash Brewing Co., out of sunny San Diego, found a fan in me when I caught a four-pack of their West Coast IPA last year and I can't forget the first American IPA I tried, Founder's excellent Centennial IPA from the brewery out of Grand Rapids, Michigan.

But the most fun I've had thus far with an American IPA has to be the Rogue Brutal IPA out of Newport, Oregon.

Sent this pic to Rogue Brewery's Twitter feed, explaining
this is how we keep our beers cold here up in Canada...

When I discovered it at a local LCBO last winter, I tried one and loved it. So I did what any rational man in my position would do - I went back and bought them all. Then I Tweeted the brewery and said that I had virtually cornered the market for all the Brutal IPA in Burlington, Ontario, Canada and that based on the Law of Supply and Demand, they better send more pronto. Whoever handles their Twitter replied a day later, "Why don't you just drink them?" To which, I unfortunately had to meekly reply, "Uh, yeah, look, here's the thing. I already did. Can you please send more?" To this day, that particular liquor store always has a ready supply. Beer Musketeer Stevil St Evil, also a Brutal fan, told me that a huge stream of Rogue beers became available in his hometown of Wellington, New Zealand and if I ever see their XS Imperial IPA, I am to jump on it like a fat kid chasing a doughnut down a hill.

I am a card-carrying member of Rogue Nation (as is Stevil) - yes, they actually send you a card, as well as some certificates, a bumper sticker and in my case, a bright yellow condom, which selflessly sacrificed itself in a water balloon fight. (What do you mean that's not what they're for?)

"Give me Liberty or give me some Liberty Ale! Okay, the ale"

So I would be remiss if I didn't mention Rogue's outstanding Dead Guy Ale. Brewed as a Maibock (Really? Not getting that from it), I found it just before the Brutal and the brewery gained an instant fan. Out of San Francisco came the storied Anchor Brewing Co's Liberty Ale. I had already had their famous Anchor Steam lager and enjoyed it but this ale stepped it up a notch.

And speaking of lagers, when I noticed Samuel Adams Boston Lager on tap at the bar where we held our Beer Store Christmas Party, where debauchery is not only expected, it is insisted upon, I was indeed a happy camper. I know they're a bigger name but hey, it's a tasty beer.

The United States of Beer. I live where this guy's left knee is.
It's cold where his crotch is. The sweater is the North Pole.

But the best American lager I had so far was Brooklyn Brewery's Lager, an amber/Vienna offering that scored an absurdly-high 89 on RateBeer. Lagers just don't get scores like that on RateBeer - ever! Usually being over 50 is the hallmark of a good lager on there as it's RateBeer's least favoured style.

Two American stouts both worthy of high praise are Lost Coast Brewery's 8 Ball Stout from Eureka, California and Cooperstown, NY's Brewery Ommegang's Game of Thrones' Take The Black Stout.  Ommegang's Game of Thrones' Iron Throne Blonde Ale (a nod to the Lannisters, who always pay their debts and occasionally die on the crapper) and their Hennepin Saison (which at 7.7% is the strongest saison I've ever had) are both worthy of mention as well.

Happy Independence Day from your Canadian friends...

And I will end this tribute to my friends from the south by noting some words on the Peace Arch, a monument created to honour the Treaty of Ghent between our two nations back in 1814. It stands exactly on the border between Blaine, Washington and Surrey, B.C., and on the American side, the  inscription reads: "Children of a common mother" (so y'know, brothers from another mother) and on our side, "Brethren dwelling together in unity", meaning we're expected to argue when we're playing X-Box 360. The arch has two iron gates, one coming from each side which meet in the middle with the inscription: "May these gates never be closed." Well, no kidding - you guys still have a ton of craft beer I want to try. Plus good luck keeping me out of Las Vegas. Happy Independence Day, gang!

Well, guys and dolls, that's it, that's all and I am outta here!!! Until next time, I remain...