Burlington Beer Fest, Part Two

A Smoking Trees Tribe member offers me some potato chip swirls on a long
pointed spear. Handing a Tribe member a sharp pointy anything? Really?

There is one huge advantage in going to a beer festival that's being deluged by rain - well, aside from, hey, free shower. The line-ups, or rather lack thereof, at the brewers' booths.

The rainy weather sucked for the organizers of the first annual three-day Burlington Beer Festival because, well, Saturday (the day we were there) is supposed to be your cash cow day. It probably wasn't all that great for the attending brewers either, who saw huge crowds on the sunny, warm Friday night prior and had to stand through the inclement weather on a Saturday that alternated between a light drizzle and a Brazilian Rain Forest pounding.

But I tell you, for a healthy handful of us who braved the weather and attended? Man, you just cruised right up to the booths. It was awesome. I will tell you something I don't understand, though. I was at the heavily-attended outdoor Winter Craft Beer Festival at Steam Whistle in Toronto back in January - it was snowing, winds howling in off Lake Ontario and minus 25C (on the American Fahrenheit scale, that's pretty muck like north Wisconsin in January) and no one batted an eye! We stood there, happily shivering, drank beer and lots of it outside in that cold. And yet it rains a little, is +25C and people think, "Nah, I'll pass..."? I don't get that.

Two lovely members of the Smoking Trees Tribe
stay well protected from the elements at the fest

It's this sort of backward thinking that leads to the moral fabric of Canadian society itself unravelling and anarchy spreading. Smarten up, people - you will kill us all. Next time, go or your thoughtless actions will rain Sharknado down upon us!! Ooops, briefly forgot I was Canadian so perhaps I should politely rephrase that. I'm sorry, eh? Please go. Beer Fests are what it's all aboot, eh? Love you hosers. Gimme a hug, eh?

But a funny thing happens when you get a smaller but hard-core group of craft beer lovers in an enclosed space during crappy weather. They bond. Suddenly, everyone there is everyone else's best friend - well, okay, that's often the case where alcohol is concerned but on this day, even moreso. With Beer Musketeer Cat and myself, it was the Smoking Trees Tribe who became our family members on this soggy day. You see, all along the north edge of Spencer Smith Park down on the waterfront is this huge line of 100-year-old oak, spruce and maple trees which provided a large measure of shelter. Smokers and non-smokers alike flocked to this protective coverage so often through the afternoon that we became the Smoking Trees Tribe and one big happy family. Everyone talked to everyone, laughing, cheering, joking and most importantly asking the always-critical "Hey, have you tried such-and-such beer yet?"

Cat with a Smoking Trees Tribe member, who
ended up introducing her to his entire family!

Speaking of which, I should probably get to that. As always, the colourful Flying Monkeys booth drew a lot of attention. The Barrie brewery always seems to draw the heaviest traffic at every beer fest I attend and this day would be no exception. Well, since the day was all about trying beers Cat and I have never had (which certainly narrows the field where Flying Monkeys is concerned), both of us tried their Genius of Suburbia. It threw us both off because we weren't certain of what style of beer it was, other than an ale of some kind. So we asked the chap at the booth and he said at 3.8%, it was their session IPA. However, later I discovered its commercial description is an American wheat pale ale, which would explain our initial confusion. Regardless, for such a light beer, there was no shortage of flavour - citrus on the nose, sour (good sour) on the tongue. It's not their top beer by a long shot, more like a lighter, wheatier version of their outstanding Hoptical Illusion Almost Pale Ale but still we both quite liked it.

Despite going to the Nickel Brook brewery, oh, twice a week or so for growler refills of Headstock IPA, I have never thought to sample their Le Payson Saison so now was the perfect opportunity. Now my co-worker Saga thinks that the current craft IPA wave, a style he dislikes, is a passing fad and that saisons are the wave of the future. On my end, I don't think Saga should be operating our heavy machinery when he's so obviously high on meth. And let's assume it's the 99% pure blue Walter White Breaking Bad kind...

Beer tent? Forget that! When Alexander Keith's rolled up,
it was in a big trailer where the side opened up to reveal an
olde-timey looking bar. So I cepia-toned this picture for an
olde-timey wild, wild West effect. Saddle up, pardners...

To me, saisons, due to their light and crisp taste, rival wheats for appropriate summer-time beers and the Payson kissed the season right on the lips. Almost wheat-like with its orange peel aroma, I got light spice and citrus on the tongue. A very refreshing beer. (Truth to tell, at the end of the day, Cat and I marvelled that there wasn't a clunker or even medium effort in the bunch. Some were better than others but still...)

Because no Beer Fest will pass without me trying an IPA, next up was Hop City's Hopbot IPA. I was surprised to hear it was 7.1% because it was not dissimilar to the Genius of Suburbia in taste. Citrus and pine on the nose, this had a nice bitter grapefruit taste. It won't crack my Top-Ten IPA List but I would definitely grab another if I saw it.

One beer that definitely caught Cat off-guard was Side Launch Brewing's Dark Lager. The Collingwood brewery nailed this one - another Best of Show, for sure. Malty and lightly spicy on the nose, this bad boy was roasted chocolate on the tongue. Interestingly enough, the guy at the booth told us this recipe used to be called Denison's Dunkel so future research is needed on this brewery to find out when the Denison's ended and Side Launch began. As for Cat's reaction? It was one word. "Wow!" Nuff said...

This Neil Diamond sound-alike/look-alike had all the
Poncho Girls up and dancing, especially with his closing
number, Sweet Caroline. His music has never been my
style but I tell you, the ladies really love this dude...

And finally, our good friends at Beau's Natural Brewing in tiny Vankleek Hills, Ontario, never disappoint. I started with their brightly labelled Patio Saison while Cat opted for their Tom Green Milk Stout. (For the uninitiated, Green was a Canadian 'shock' comic famous for about 10 minutes more than a decade ago. He was also inexplicably married to the wonderful Drew Barrymore... also for about 10 minutes more than a decade ago.) Cat quite enjoyed the stout though the Turtle Island Brewing's outstanding Ixcacao Triple Chocolate Stout she had earlier may have ruined her for other stouts. That said, she did quite like it. My Patio Saison was every bit as bright as its yellow label, fruity on the nose, spicy on the tongue. Another summer-time winner. But it was their Kissmeyer Nordic Pale Ale that we collectively called the winner at this booth. Told it was the hoppiest beer they had brought, it was hoppy and lightly fruity on the nose, malty and spicy on the tongue. This 5.2% offering wasn't a hop bomb but still a remarkable summer offering. It, too, will make a summer appearance at Donny's Bar and Grill in the near future, as will the Patio Saison.

This is the proper amount of porta-potties for a beer festival.
Not three... this many. Good job to the Burlington beer crew

One of the more interesting Facebook posts I read about the previous weekend's inaugural Durham Beer Festival came from a young lady who complained about the number of porta-potties there (she says three) and lack of live music. This is not a diss at the event - like mine, this was their first so growing pains are expected. And Beer Musketeer Glenn, a Shwa resident, told us it was a full-on blast. But I wanted to share with the Durham folks what live music does bring to a beer fest. That Neil Diamond sound-alike you see above? Women flocked to the stage when he was playing, dancing happily and loudly singing, especially when he got to his finale Sweet Caroline. So Durham, add a small stage to the end of the road and watch your revellers really party up a storm. I've been told The Trews, one of my favourite bands, is the entertainment for the Saturday portion of the Toronto Festival of Beer this weekend and that has me as stoked as the beer itself. Also, bring many more porta-parties, guys... or dudes will be looking for the nearest tree. And I will likely be there next year. Don't think I won't use the nearest potted plant, even if it's in plain view of the public. I will, you know.

The only beer I tried all day that I've had before was the
Cameron's Rye Pale Ale - my last beer of the festival.

The day, which was a blast, ended with me still clutching a free, beer-soaked t-shirt graciously given to me by the boys at Maclean's Ale Ltd. (one of our favourites of the day), being somehow lucky enough to dodge The Bee Gee's cover band near the end and then Cat somehow twisting her ankle getting into the cab, which resulted in me laughing uproariously. I always forget the etiquette involved for light injuries with women. I know if it's a dude, we're supposed to laugh like hyenas, especially if it's a shot to the nards. But probably not with women. Googling "when it is okay to laugh at a woman's injury?" as we speak. Okay, apparently, the answer is: Never! Oops. And then there was a late-night Skype session with Stevil St Evil in Wellington, New Zealand. I lasted maybe a half hour into that. You see, the 12-Step Program at Donny's Bar and Grill is actually only eight steps - the distance between the desk and the couch. Even Stevil yelling at me to wake up wasn't enough. I don't sleep. I hibernate. And finally, a word to the organizers of the Burlington Beer Festival. I know it rained on your parade a little... okay, a lot. What can I say? Mother Nature's a bitch. But that was of one the best organized beer fests I've been to with an outstanding cross-section of highly-known and lesser-known craft breweries. Please do this again next Summer... and every year after that. I absolutely guarantee you will have better weather next year. (Legal disclaimer: this is not a binding guarantee.) Absolutely fantastic work you did, ladies and gents.

Okay, guys and dolls, what can I tell you? That's it, that's all and I am outta here. Until next time, I remain, as always...