Radio Wars and a damn fine wheat

This is what it looks like when Cassy and Ryan square off at
work. Right now, they're the centre figures in Radio Wars...
This is NOT Cassy and Ryan, just an incredible simulation!

We have a vicious, no-holds-barred battle going on at work right now and trust me when I say it's every bit as blood-curdling as anything you've ever witnessed on Game of Thrones.

Radio Wars. On one side of the ring is our genial gentle giant Ryan, a soon-to-be lawyer and former professional football player. On the other side is an unlikely opponent, pint-sized Sassy Cassy, who maybe hits five-feet tall (but probably not) and is a Kinesiology student at Lakehead University in Thunder Bay, now spending her second summer with us. Now let me explain something - while our store has music piped into the lobby and cooler where customers browse at the beer, it is provided by a service and gets repetitive if it's all you have to listen to all day. Also, nothing in that music selection was recorded after 1985 and while there are some really great classic tunes on that loop up to and including Black Sabbath and Led Zeppelin, I see no sane reason why someone like co-worker Saga in his mid-20s should know all the words to schlock-rockers Styx' greatest hits from the late-1970s. It just seems... wrong. And possibly immoral. And also a union complaint-in-the-making.  If you are a long-time Styx fan, I truly apologize. Here goes: I'm sorry your taste in music blows so many nasty chunks.

Yeah, well, if Cassy gets her way, no way for sure

But back to Cassy and Ryan. Every store I've ever worked at has had separate music in the back, usually in the empty return area. That radio, though a different one in every store, has had one thing in common in every store - it's always a long-discarded boom-box from the 1980s, usually dug out of Mom's and Dad's basement and gladly offered up as a sacrifice. It is not only used for alternative music but also sporting events, such as the ongoing World Cup, the Olympics and of course, Toronto Maple Leaf hockey. (I have 'heard' some wonderful goals and saves during the World Cup - those British announcers go nuts. I love it.) And there is a long-standing unspoken rule - whoever is manning the empty return cash register chooses the radio station. If that's Cassy, the choice is a dance music station out of Toronto and if it's Ryan, it's an old-and-new rock station out of Hamilton. Between these two, the rules have changed a little. Whoever is closest to the radio - or even walking past it - changes it back to their station to spite the other, regardless of who is manning the cash register.

Okay, definitely the right day to visit this bar!!!

It's a funny little war to watch from the sidelines - a lot like that Falkland Island War between the British and Argentina back in 1982 where the British warships spent several days in the Atlantic Ocean slowly sailing south to reclaim their land. The British announcers had a harder time staying enthusiastic about that. "The warships are still sailing south... still in water... there's a passing seagull... oh, hang tight because in three days, this will be bloody exciting! Go lads go! God save the Queen. And now back to Coronation Street... We'll return in an hour."

Against staggering odds, which include Ryan situating the radio far beyond her reach, Cassy seems to be winning this Radio War. And that's despite having a huge weakness - she is deathly allergic to onions. So much so, she has an epi-pen in her cubby, should we need it. Once she got playfully lippy with me and I warned her, "Girl, I could take you down with one onion, rub it on your face and then hover that epi-pen two feet over your thigh while yelling, 'Say you're sorry! I mean it! I will take you out, bitch...'" She laughed out loud when I said it but I think still eyes me a little bit uneasily to this day. I shall give you the victor of Radio Wars at summer's end when they return to school.

My favourite thing about this beer is that it has
serving suggestions on the six-pack. The first?
Bacon and eggs or pancakes and waffles. So, in
essence, if you're starting your day by drinking
beer, hey, this is the one. One day, I will do that!

Okay, let's talk beer. Recently returning to the market for the summer is Muskoka Brewery's Summer Weiss. Once upon a time, Muskoka called this Hefe-Weissbier before tweaking the recipe, brightening up the packaging - yellow, then some bright yellow and after that, a bit more yellow - and renaming it a couple of summers back. I had one last summer but I'm quite glad I never reviewed it. You see, I had also just finished a Howe Sound Brewery's King Heffy Imperial Hefeweizen, the single best Canadian wheat I've ever had and the Summer Weiss may not have stacked up fairly against that monster. This deserves to be judged on its own merits, not against an imperial wheat and thus, I waited until now. (Fortunately, I found many other beers to drink and review in the meantime... I know, I know, shocking... okay, could someone's jaw drop like an anvil the way that cartoon wolf's does? Anyone?)

The Summer Weiss has an aroma that has never by itself been a stand-alone scent - banana. It is all you get from the sniff. Well, "all I got" would be more accurate - I'm sure many reviewers got other things but once something's firmly entrenched in my brain, it takes over. Also now, I want a banana. I see the ones I bought last week to "have some healthy fruit in the house" have gone their traditional black shade. Bananas in my place are there, much like the leaves in Autumn, simply because it's fun to watch them change colour. The wheat but not much of the traditional orange is noticeable on the tongue, however, there is some of the expected spice. The Hefe-Weissbier reviews mention bubble gum a lot. Definitely not getting that in this subsequently tweaked recipe. This is a very nice well-above-the-Canadian-average white/wheat that will happily return to Donny's Bar and Grill. Looking like a hot summer out there.

The front four for Team Poland - Zywiec, Tyskie, Lezajsk and Warka Strong.
I had previously had three of the four. Only Lezajsk remained. Now done...

Couple of clunkers to bring into the mix. Hey, I can completely ignore 'em or talk about the beer elephants in the bar. I'm going full Cliff Clavin Mode. While at the liquor store recently, I was looking at the single bottles, notably the European ones, a Polish man approached me to ask if I had ever had a Lezajsk. I hadn't. I had the Zywiec, Tyskie, Warka Strong and several others... but no, not the Lezajsk. Well, this elderly man recounted at length about how Lezajsk was the exclusive brewery to King Sigismund back in the 1500s and what a noble time in Polish history that was.

The end of Italy's run in the 2014 World Cup
left some of their fans a little disgruntled...

I will certainly take him at his word there, despite the lack of indoor plumbing in the 1500s. Also my knowledge of Polish history is pretty much limited to what this man told me. Go, King Sigismund, you rock star! Wait, the 1500s... you harp and lute star!!! But one telling sign was that he kept coming back to the fact that it was 50-cents less per bottle than the other three. Good reason - it's the weakest of the four beers by a considerable distance. Grainy on the nose, grassy on the tongue, it is miles behind behind the Polish leader Tyskie. If I see that nice Polish man again, I have every intention of handing him a $10 bill and saying, "Upgrade to Tyskie for the next 20 beers."

Also since I have two Italian co-workers, I took home a Peroni to drink during their game against Uruguay, a make-or-break for the Italy side. While Italy lost 1-0, the game was marked by the "Bite Heard Around The World" when Uruguay's Luis Suarez decided to take a chunk out of Italian defender Giorgio Chiellini's shoulder. Apparently, that's a big deal. Not sure why. At times when I'm hungry, I too feel like a little bite of Italian. And the Peroni? Two words: just don't. Again, not horrible (meaning I finished it) but certainly nothing special. But when it comes to beer, hey, that Italy makes some great wine, right?

Okay, guys and dolls, that's it, that's all and I am outta here!!! Until next time, as always, I remain...