First Annual Three's Company Beer Fest

When Beer Musketeer Stevil St Evil got wind of the First Annual Three's
Company Beer Festival in Hamilton, he got clever with some Photoshop...

When the Hamilton Beer Festival kicked off on August 22-23 at the city's Jackson Square Rooftop Patio, I had to nix the Saturday because I had been called into active duty as the "official photographer" for my buddy's mother's Surprise 80th Birthday Party. (She was, indeed, surprised as her birthday was a month later. Also nice? The fact that it took her almost a minute to realize the party was for her. Screaming at an 80-year-old as they walk through the door usually means a trip to the emergency ward.)

Not a problem, I assured my fellow beer festival travellers, Shona and Andrea, I could shift my schedule around for the Friday night.

As far as I know, the cast and crew of the
First Annual Three's Company Beer Festival
 is still allowed on the patio at Chester's
Beers of the World. An arrest-free night...

Which led to Problem #2. When I went online to get us tickets, I found out the Friday portion of the festival was running from 2 to 8 pm. We all worked and would be lucky to get to the rooftop by 6 pm. Was two hours worth $30 each just to step onto the patio? No, we wisely decided and then an alternative was suggested. Why not create our own Beer Festival and hold it on the patio at Chester's Beers of the World, a mere stone's throw from the official beer festival? (Well, okay, I couldn't hit it with a stone but the ladies, both excellent high school athletes, probably could. I ran more with the Rowdy And Unruly Spectator Crowd.)

And thus was born the First Annual Three's Company Beer Festival. The ladies christened it with that name and I, of course, went along with it because, well, beer with two lovely ladies. Had they called it the First Annual Satan's Minions Beer Festival, I would have happily gone along with it. (Though I likely would have drawn the line at the First Annual Let's Eat The Gum Under Our Seats Beer Festival because, let's face it, it's all chewed out by that point.) So Andrea dutifully drove out from Oakville, grabbed me along the way and off we went into the Hamilton wilds to get our Three's Company Beer Festin' on...

A partial look at the Chester's Beers of the World selection as there are
many more in a glassed fridge at the front doors. The selection is massive!

Now, of course, since I didn't attend, this is not a slight at the official Hamilton Beer Festival but there is no way on this or any other known Earth that even a festival can offer a fraction of the beer selection that Chester's does. Their beer menu isn't some fancy, glossy, laminated sheet - it's an actual book. A frikkin' 73-page book with the selections from the alphabetized countries listed and the beers ranging in size anywhere from 330ml (11 ounces) to 750ml bottle (25 ounces). Literally hundreds and hundreds of different beers at Chester's, some of them not even in the book. I imagine Heaven looks exactly like this. Too bad my odds of sneaking past St. Peter narrow with each passing beer festival. But hey, if I go down, I ain't goin' down alone. Also of concern, the toilet-paper in Hell will be the same brand they use at airports...

I was hoping to start the festival with a Southern Tier
2 X IPA but they were out... Knowing a Scottish beer
blog was imminent, I went with the Innis and Gunn
Treacle Porter and opened a new world for my friends

We caught up with Shona who had saved us a table on the tiny patio and the First Annual Three's Company Beer Festival was underway - admission: free! I knew what I was starting with - the Southern Tier 2 X IPA made by the good folks in Lakewood, New York. Except Chester's was out of it. Well, geezuz, so now what the hell was I supposed to do? Oh right, 73-page book. Knowing I had a Scottish beer blog being written in a day or two, I switched to Innis and Gunn's Oak-Barrel-Aged Treacle Porter while the ladies settled on Moncton, New Brunswick's Pump House Brewery's Blueberry Ale. They both seemed to enjoy the 5% beer's muted blueberry taste (my take: it would pair nicely with cheesecake) but no, it was my Treacle Porter that caught their attention. Both confessed that maybe they had tried a Guinness a million years ago but had never since gone near the porter and stout styles. For North Americans who may not know (I certainly didn't), to the Scots, treacle is molasses. On the nose, it's molasses, chocolate and vanilla while on the tongue, the 7.3% dark brew is light chocolate, wood and dark fruit. Not the brewery's best but still pretty good. But as I said, it was Andrea and Shona's reaction that made it much more interesting...

A look at our table during the Three's Company Beer Festival activities...
Certainly there was no problem with some diversity in our beers this night

They both liked it - a lot. And that burst open the floodgates with any manner or style of beer hitting our table. And it quickly became the Beers of the World Festival.

Granted, we've all known each other since high school age but the pair, who have remained tight over the years, are really just now reconnecting with me after many years. Poor girls - they had a good long healthy run during my absence in their lives. Too late now - I'm back and their livers will be cursing me forever. But of course, there was some good-natured "bickering" going on. "Why do I have to be Janet?" brunette Andrea demanded. "She was boring!" Retorted blonde Shona, "Oh? You wanna be Chrissy? She was a bonehead!" Didn't matter to me. I'm Jack. My role's set in this context. Had another dude been there, I would have laid claim to sleazy neighbour Larry. Though given my suaveness and smoothness with the ladies, what can I say? I'm pretty much bumbling Ralph Furley. Where's my ascot?

This gets absolutely pounded on RateBeer with a
40 but I tell you, three people strongly disagree...

There was nothing boring or blonde about the ladies' next choice - the 8% cognac-infused X.O. Beer from Gabariers Brewery in, yes, Cognac, France. I have never had a cognac-infused beer before and holy mother of pearl, that's some tasty stuff. The aroma was nothing but cognac while the taste was both boozy and woody. I just kept saying over and over, "This is from France? Really?" They finally made one I really liked. On deck for me was a big-ass 750ml bottle of Houblon Chouffe Dobbelen IPA Tripel (above pic, far right) made by Brasserie Moortgat in Achouffe, Belgium. This 9% land-mine was so big in both size and taste, the waitress gave it not only an ice bucket but put it on the fourth empty chair. Seamlessly weaving the American IPA and the Belgian Tripel styles, it was grassy, citrus and floral on the nose, grapefruit, pine and bitter on the tongue. Outstanding.

But frankly, I think the ladies would agree that the winner of the night was the Southern Tier Imperial Choklat Stout, again from our good friends in Lakewood, New York.

♫ Come and knock on our door, we've been waiting for you,
where the kisses are hers and hers and his, Three's
Company, too... ♫ Don't panic. We didn't sing it. I think.

This 11% head-banger (group shot, centre), made with chocolate and caramel malts, bitter-sweet Belgian chocolate with Chinook and Williamette hops, it's a high-powered chocolate cake in a bottle. Perfect dessert beer!!

And from there on, our table was a steady stream of stouts and porters - a St Ambroise Oatmeal Stout (5%) out of Montreal, a Box Steam Brewery Funnel Blower Porter (4.5%) out of Wiltshire, England, a Samuel Smith's Organic Chocolate Stout (5%) out of North Yorkshire, England... you get the idea. As the evening got darker, so too did the beers.

And the Three's Company Beer Festival became a night of learning. Andrea learned that as a teenager, Shona's neighbour Karl and I lobbed rocks into her pool one night. For fun. Why? I dunno - 15 years old, bored and trying to get a pretty girl's attention in the stupidest and clumsiest possible way?

Next time, little bear. This time it was all beers...

Andrea, the designated driver, also learned next time we cab it in or use her or really anyone's sons as our DD. Having to take wee sips of outstanding beers and then stop sucks rocks, she confessed. The ladies both learned once you go black, you never... well, we all know how that goes, don't we? I learned that France actually makes a beer (hell, maybe even more than one) more than worthy of drinking. They both learned that much like my high school  days, the volume level on Don still goes up to 11, especially after 9% Dobbelen IPA Tripels and 11% Imperial Stouts.

But most importantly, I think we learned we are not waiting a year to do this again. I'd be surprised if the word "annual" is even incorporated into the next Three's Company Beer Festival, which can probably be measured in weeks (maybe a small number of months) before the second one. You know, for missing a Beer Festival that we were all chomping at the bit to go to? Yeah, we three did pretty damn good on our own... Okay, back in a few days with the next one entitled: "That was the summer that..." where I look back on the Summer of Beers and laugh my frikkin' ass off at the multitude of beery fun that was had. (So, nights much like this one...) But guys and dolls, that's it, that's all and I am outta here. I remain, as always...