Toronto Festival of Beer, Part Two

Ladies, this is not a gratuitous butt shot. I thought it
was funny this server at Somersby Cider needed a stool
to serve customers. (Shhh, guys, it's TOTALLY that...) 

Yesterday, I briefly touched on the spirit and comradery that enveloped the Toronto Festival of Beers on Saturday. What say we continue in that vein? Everyone on board? Then buckle the hell in...

The fact that I still use a notepad and pen to jot down notes seemed to fascinate anyone under the age of 30. As I was writing notes on one particular beer, a young guy stopped, posed and said, using a famous line from the movie Titanic, "Draw me like your French girls." I think the beer nearly came out my nose.

I guess everyone uses their iPhones for notes these days and being Donny Flip-Phone, my old school journalism days of pen and pad have gone the way of Super Mario and Pac-Man, leaving people with the impression that I'm sketching something. That became apparent when three happy dudes asked me: "Hey, are you drawing us?"
Me, laughing: "Do I look like an artist?"
Three Happy Dudes: "Well, yeah, you do..."
Me: "Oh... Thanks?" (Seriously, I have no idea - is that a good thing or a bad thing?)

At the Coors Banquet Rope-A-Steer area, this young
lady gamely hopped on in the hopes of getting snared...

And finally, one young fellow who realized I was writing, not sketching, asked me what it was that I was, in fact, writing. So I showed him. "Coffee and licorice? What's that?" he inquired. "The smell of this beer," I replied. "You smell them first? Are you, like, a beer expert?" he said, wide-eyed. "No, not even close," I smiled with a shared fist-bump, "but I hope to be someday when I grow up." (Okay folks, let's not hold our breath here... on either the expert or the growing up. Just not in the cards, I'm afraid.)

At this point, I should duly note that my employers, the Beer Store, were the major sponsor of this event - their presence was felt both on our glasses and in banners everywhere - and I know a lot of people aren't fans of the current Beer Store/LCBO system of alcohol distribution in Ontario. Hell, count the other three Beer Musketeers among those. I don't mind - it's a valid opinion. But hey, they're great employers and it's a damn fine gig for me - it's always been there while the many newspapers I worked at faded quietly into obscurity. (Certainly worthy of note: on the other side of our mugs were the words: "Know your limit. Sample within it." Well, there are limits... and there are outer limits. Quick, guess the direction I went.)

Hey. it's Somersby Cider again - this time with Twister!!
The cider-makers jumped into the TFOB with enthusiasm

But for a festival to be this successful, the TFOB needs a major sponsor with a lotta sway and deep pockets and that's where my bosses stepped up to the plate. So you'll have to forgive me if I looked at those countless banners... and smiled a little anyway. It was the Beer Store's Project Amber training that vaulted me into writing this blog and trying countless new 'frightening' craft beers to write about. If I left tomorrow, I would still owe them a debt of gratitude.

Okay, as countless hashtags on Twitter surrounding the TFOB have duly noted, it's time to #BeerMe. Let's get this little beer bash started. And unfortunately, I have to start with a bit of a bash. I love dark lagers, King's, Hop City's, a couple of German ones - love 'em all. So when I eagerly tried Junction Craft Brewing's Dark Lager, I was a little disappointed. The afore-mentioned "coffee and licorice" on the nose, it was far too thin on the tongue, packing less than desirable power. Sorry, guys. That said, I know Junction Craft contract brews Shackhouse Brewing's Farmhouse Saison and with its Citra hop infusion, that's one kick-ass saison. Life is full of checks and balances. Sometimes there's winners and others time, well... not so much.

You think the ladies at this bachelorette party had
fun? That's the bride in white, bridesmaids all pretty
in pink and, um, Sasquatch joining in the festivities

While we're on the subject of saisons, let's take a trip over to the Left Field booth and talk about their Sunlight Park Saison. Again, here's another that got pounded on RateBeer (57) that I nonetheless quite enjoyed. What can I say? I'm a life-long proponent of not listening to the opinions of others because I'm half Irish and we're quite stubborn. This baby was banana and grapefruit on the nose, it was lightly spicy, dry and good-bitter on the tongue. Nice job from the folks who brought us the solid 6-4-3 Double IPA. For those outside North America, 6-4-3 is the most common triple-play in baseball - shortstop-to-second-to-first. As Beer Musketeer Glenn recently noted, you call the game "rounders" and consider it quite dull. Which is usually when we in North America bring up cricket. And then there's an awkward silence in the room.

I would dearly love to talk about Quebec's Belgh Brasse's Mons Abbey-Dubbel from Quebec but at the moment, I have their Abbey-Blonde and Abbey-White in the fridge at Donny's Bar and Grill and I want rate them all together in the near future. Suffice it to say, I enjoyed it, the guy at the booth called it their best and it recently medalled at the US Open Beer Championship. Stay tuned...

Someone on Twitter posted this shot of The Planet Smashers from
Friday night. This might be one of the best-timed rock pics ever!

Perhaps my favourite stop of the day was the World Pavilion of Beers booth, which this year featured many brews from the east coast of North America. I honestly could have stayed there all day. Let's start with New Brunswick's Northampton Brewing's Yippee IPA, which is a little too malty on the nose. The hops (Cascade, I assume) do come through with some citrus on the tongue but far too light for this hop-head. 

That said, American IPAs have, thus far, never let me down and that was the case, once again, with Lakewood, NY's Southern Tier Brewing IPA, also from the pavilion, kicking up some serious dirt. This triple-hopped treat is pine and citrus on the nose and literally jams citrus onto your tongue. It's like Mr Clean grabbed your tongue and wouldn't let go... which, I suppose, in reality, would really hurt... thus making this a poor analogy. Okay, it's damn good! How's that?

At Beer Musketeer Cat's request, I sought
out her music student, Caitlin, above left,
at the King Brewery/Thorncrest booths.
Honest, I was there but Caitlin was not and
then, I got distracted by 6 million beers and
forgot to go back there. Next time, Caitlin. 

Let's finish up the beer portion with a true King Slayer from the Cooperstown, NY's Brewery Ommegang's Game Of Thrones series - the Fire and Blood Red Ale, which clocks in at a nifty 6.8% and also found in the pavilion. (Hey, I made sure I got my money's worth out of those beer tokens.) The aroma, like their previous Iron Throne Blonde Ale, is quite complex... spicy, peppery even. You really get no sense of what you're about to slam down, much like Thai food. On the tongue, it becomes apparent quickly - hops and rye malts are clearly there, as is a note of plum, more spiciness and some caramel - a bizarre mixture, to be frank, but dammit if it doesn't work out beautifully. It seems Brewery Ommegang employs the same brewery techniques as Quebec's Unibroue, which has never made an uncomplicated beer in its history. My all-time Brewery Ommegang beer remains the Take The Night Stout but hey, you know what would go well with Thai food? The Fire and Blood Red Ale. Oh sure, you'd pay for it the next day but sometimes you just have to grab life by the horns. (That's about as close to a YOLO moment as you'll ever get from me. Besides, you don't only live once, Drake. You live every day. You only die once. You Canadian musical genius/dumb-ass.)

Colin MacDonald, lead singer for The Trews, belts
out one of the Canadian group's many hits to close
out Saturday's festivities. What a great show!!!

And speaking of music, man, did we get spoiled when Canadian hit-machine, The Trews, took to the bandshell stage for an acoustic set. Only Jack Syperek's bass was amped while drummer Sean Dalton, guitarist John-Angus MacDonald and vocalist-guitarist Colin MacDonald relied strictly on mics. (There was also a guest keyboardist in for a few songs.) You know how they say music takes you back in time? That certainly happened when they opened with Poor Ol' Broken Hearted Me, a song that transports me instantly every time to a then-sad break-up many years ago. Of course, in retrospect, it happened for the best but at the time... owww. But it still made me smile (and rock right out, meaning awkward white guy dancing) because I believe great songs are meant to be book-marks in the chapters of your life. And with hits such as I'm Tired Of Waiting, So She's Leaving and Not Ready To Go, it's pretty clear The Trews understand the dynamics behind a break-up. Granted, another hit, The Power Of Positive Drinking certainly indicates why they'd be the hit they were at the TFOB. The Trews killed it... then resurrected it... and then killed it once more, this time using Thor's hammer, Mjolnir.

A final word to the organizers... when I got home, my Facebook status was simply this: "The Toronto Festival of Beers? Yeah, that pretty much kicked 10 tons of ass!" Believe me, it was 'liked'. Let's make a deal. You keep holding them, I'll keep coming back... fair, yes? #BeerMe, indeed... Well, guys and dolls, that's it, that's all and I am outta here!! Until next time, I remain...

Toronto Festival of Beers, Part One

Brew Ha Ha gets a shout-out from a couple,
happily socking back the suds at Keith's trailer

Well, if I dedicated two entire blogs to the inaugural Burlington Beer Festival last week, then simply based on its size, scope and beer selection, the Toronto Festival of Beer should get a 12-pack of blogs. Hell, make that a two-four.

The first thing that struck me was the all-inclusive nature of Ontario's largest annual beer festival - literally thousands of merry revellers jammed into the CNE's Bandshell Park on Saturday. The big mainstream breweries were rubbing shoulders with dozens of little craft outlets - not gonna name them all because there was something like 70 breweries on site, pouring (let's assume) well over 300 different beers. And the crowd? Normally, the beer festivals I have been to cater pretty directly to the craft-loving crowd. Not this. Oh, don't get me wrong - the bearded hipsters and craft-huggers were all there and accounted for. But so too were a plethora of "sun's out, guns out" frat boys in their tattered tank tops and scattered tattoos. And these two very disparate groups of beer drinkers mingled beautifully - matter met anti-matter head-on and there was no explosion in the TFOB Universe. Which is good because someone has to drink the Bud Light. And since this was my first TFOB, I was thrilled with the happy attitude, countless fun games, people of all ages (barely legals to some in their 70s), outstanding music and of course, beer, beer and more beer.

I'll be honest - this is the biggest game of Beer Pong I've
ever seen, using Smirnoff Ice barrels and volleyballs

Hell, even the Toronto Police were having a blast, happily posing with drinkers so their buddies could take fake arrest photos and chatting with anyone who approached them. I suspect dealing with a carousing, fun-loving TFOB crowd is much easier for them than managing the G7 Summit a few years back or, well, Mayor Rob Ford every single day of the week.

But despite the crowd (gonna guess around 12,000 to 13,000), there were only three line-ups I had to wait in all day and not one involved a brewery. The first line-up was simply to get in Gate A and I purposely showed up an hour after the opening bell at 1:30 pm, figuring the line-up would be gone. Wrong. No biggie - it actually went quickly. And one young lady was probably pretty happy that I was in line. Two young girls ran by us to catch up to their friends in the line-up and out of a purse popped an iPhone onto the ground. Grabbing it, I jogged after them to return it. Quickly realizing a jogging pace wasn't gonna cut it, I went full sprint, caught them, returned it... and promptly got applauded and high-fived by those in line. I hadn't even gotten into Bandstand Park and I already liked the crowd. My kinda people...

Curtis from Maclean's Ales not only remembered me
from last week's blog, praising their Pale Ale, he then
proceeded to pour the perfect glass of that very beer!

After getting frisked by Security (don't worry - I thanked her), the next largest line-up was for the beer token booth. You start with five chips (one chip a half-pour, two chips a full pour in your 8-ounce cups) so obviously you're gonna need more. Half-pour... yeah, right - it ain't Amateur Hour, kids. So I stood in the long line barely moving for 15 minutes before luck struck once again. A man and lady with a box of chips (cash only - 20 to a bag, $20 each) and if my feet were fast outside, you should have seen the speed my hands moved when I quickly slapped $40 in their hands and snatched 40 chips from them. Now granted, it's unlikely that I could drink 45 chips worth of beer and that's true - I found five chips left in my shorts this morning, meaning I drank about... you know what? Why sully this with needless Math?

And despite having countless porta-potties there, that too involved long lines. I found the trick early on was to get in line instantly when it felt like you might have relieve yourself in the near future. By the time you got into one, it was blasting out at fire-hose intensity.

"Whosoever holds this Steam Whistle hammer,
if he be worthy, shall posses the power of Thor"

But the brewery booths or trailers themselves? You were served within seconds. No waiting. Not at a single one. Well-staffed and very knowledgeable about their products, I was treated like both an old and new friend at a few. The first booth I quickly tracked down was the boys from Oshawa's Underdog Brewing with their outstanding All or Nothing Hopfenweisse. I met them just last week in Burlington, heaped praise on their fine beer in a recent blog and trust me, it was remembered. "Don, you're here! That's great," beamed Eric as we chatted about Beer Musketeer Glenn's attempts to find their product in The Shwa. Soon, Glenn, as Eric told me the finishing touches on their brewery should be done by late Autumn. At the moment, they're just kegging the beer for restaurant use so cans/bottles of it are a while away. I got pretty much the same you're-family-to-us reaction when I visited Hanover's Maclean's Ales and Curtis saw me proudly sporting the Maclean's Ale t-shirt they gave me last week after they inadvertently doused it with beer. At that time, I slung it over my shoulder and thanks to an outpouring of rain, it stuck there all day long. I did, however, wash it out of courtesy for anyone near me at the TFOB. On a less-courteous note, I did notice on the Rule Board entering the park that "No public urination will be allowed", adding they would eject anyone caught doing so. Great, I bring one single strength to the table and it's snatched away from me.

The Toronto Festival of Beers is just the second festival
this fine brewery has done, the first being Burlington's

And, of course, I was greeted warmly by my homies at Burlington's Nickel Brook Brewing. Matty vigorously shook my hand before slapping a Naughty Neighbour American Pale Ale label sticker on my shirt. (At last week's Burlington fest, he gave us 8-ounce Nickel Brook cups so we wouldn't have to wander around with the cheesy little 4-ouncers we were handed at the door.)

I'll delve more into the spirit of the TFOB tomorrow - now is the time on Sprockets when we dance... uh, I mean, talk about beer. Spearhead, which contract-brews out of Etobicoke's Cool Brewing, has always had a fan in me for their Hawaiian Style Pale Ale. Admittedly, I'm far less a fan of their Moroccan Brown Ale. So when I tried their India White Ale, where did it fall? Somewhere between, though a tad closer to the former. You do get some banana and wheat on the nose, light spice and wheat on the tongue. Pretty decent, though not outstanding.

Yup, he calls them his festival "beer goggles"...

The Niagara College Teaching Brewery was on hand and I commend those noble students for their First Draft Brewmaster White. Banana and citrus on the nose, light and wheaty on the tongue. Nice job, you unruly students.

I would suggest Oakville's Cameron's Brewery has another winner with their brand new Pistols at Dawn Red Ale. Pouring ruby red (I am actually colourblind - red/green deficiency - so if you see something else in its colour, please know that you're right), this is tropical fruit and cherry on the nose, caramel and hoppy on the tongue. These guys are pouring liquid gold these days.

I knew I would come across at least one clunker at the TFOB and I strongly suspected it would be the Kensington Brewing Watermelon Wheat, contract brewed by Wellington in Guelph. The 31 on RateBeer would suggest that, as well. But I actually liked it! The watermelon, while perhaps a silly addition... though unique could also be argued, isn't overpowering on either the nose or the tongue where a smooth wheat also came out. Thought I'd hate it, pleasantly surprised I quite liked it.

Our good friends at Samuel Adams Lager were,
of course, Canadians manning the American booth

Okay, lessee, one more before I return tomorrow with TFOB, Part 2. Well, let's just stick with Kensington Brewing and their Baldwin Fish EYE-P-A. Honestly, not much on the aroma besides malts which doesn't bode well for an IPA. On the tongue, it was slightly hoppier than it smelled but only marginally so. Not particularly flavourful and lightly bitter (and not good bitter) after-taste... Nope, not for me. My standards for IPAs are pretty stringent as they get more thought put into them than, say, gifts for whomever I'm dating. (When one actually shrieks, "It's perfect!", I feel like I've beat the buzzer on Jeopardy!)

That said, I did have a couple outstanding IPAs that I'll delve into tomorrow, many, many, many more beers of all styles, much more on the comradery we all shared at the festival, why writing in a notebook got me all sorts of attention - some of it hilarious, how a pretty young girl had to explain to the ladies at the Shocktop booth why their beer wasn't considered a craft beer, some outstanding music by Canadian rockers, The Trews, whether or not I tried my first gluten-free beer, fest-time texts to the Beer Musketeers and a toast to the organizers.

See you all tomorrow because guys and dolls, that's it, that's all and I am outta here!!! Until tomorrow, I remain...

Store Wars... and a few new beers

It's a War Zone in my Beer Store... all over radio control...

There are several ongoing battles within my Beer Store these dog days of Summers - one downright hilarious, one quite noble in spirit and the last, well, about as juvenile and ridiculous as three grown men can be... Suffice it to say, I'm an active participant in the third.

The first, well, it's an update on the Radio Wars between genial giant Ryan, a former pro football player and tiny fireball Sassy Cassy as they wrestle for control of the radio stations on the old 1980s boombox back in our empties sorting and storage room.

Ryan back in his playing days for my old alma
mater, Queen's University in Kingston. Well, I
only went a year before defecting to community
college Journalism so I probably can't call it that...

When Cassy gets her way, we are listening to 99.9 Virgin Radio out of Toronto, a station that plays dance music. Somehow, through the magical osmosis that is music, I find myself now knowing the lyrics to songs by Selena Gomez, Taylor Swift, Katy Perry, Bruno Mars and, I dunno, Maroon 5? (Maroon 5 - are they still a thing? And why the hell is Adam Levine singing from a "Payphone" when I damn well know he can afford an iPhone?) When Ryan gets his way, we are tuned into Y108 out of Hamilton, a station built on old and new rock so you'll be listening to classic Led Zeppelin, Van Halen (both the David and Sammy versions), Pearl Jam and the Foo Fighters. I like all music so it doesn't really matter to me which station is on but as an old rocker, my obvious preference would be Y108 because even accidentally knowing the lyrics to a Bruno Mars' song is probably Reason #3 on the list of Why Your Man-Card Should Be Revoked.

Presently, this battle has escalated to new heights and I mean that quite literally. Ryan has taken the boombox and placed it on a shelf a good 10 feet above the floor - or more than twice Cassy's height. This battle strategy, while brilliant in conception, may have backfired on Ryan. Being as she's a wee lass, Cassy can simply jump up on the empties rollers and change it to the dance station whereas Ryan is forced to wheel over a huge 12-foot rolling ladder to change it back - a cumbersome task. If he even tried jumping on the empty roller, it would not only come crashing down under his weight, the resulting shock-wave would likely take out the empty roller at the nearest Beer Store, five kilometres (three miles) away. Being as I've seen Ryan futilely trying to use a broom handle to switch it back to rock, let's give Cassy the edge thus far in this David versus Goliath skirmish.

Cassy's approach to swaying customers towards donating
a dollar to the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society of Canada.
Using her saucer-size sad eyes, she goes full Puss In Boots

However, Ryan gets his own back in Fight #2, something we'll call Battle For The Charity Buck. Several times a year, the Beer Store raises funds for The Leukemia and Lymphoma Society of Canada, obviously a very worthwhile cause. The big fundraiser is the May 24th Weekend Bottle Drive where collectively, all the Beer Stores in the Province raised something like $1.7 million. But presently we are in the midst of another drive whereby we ask customers if they'd like to donate a dollar from either their empty refund or during their beer purchase. This has our part-timers engaged in a serious competition, each vying for the highest donations on the day. Though four of them are fiercely entrenched in this battle, once again it's boiling down to Ryan and Cassy on the leader-board as they thrive on one-upping each other. This time, it looks like Ryan will prevail with just two days left in the charity drive.

The 1974 Philadelphia Flyers are named anything but the Flyers at our store

In the course of one single day this past week, he raised over $100 and, folks, that's a dollar at the time. So looking at his week in total, he's pretty much a shoo-in for this clash. While Cassy relies on her saucer-like eyes and girlish charms, Ryan employs the old bartender technique, whereby if a customer's change is, say, $9.05, Ryan hands over a five, a toonie, two loonies and a nickel. And then he asks if the customer would like to donate a dollar. Since no one actually likes that much loose change in their pocket, he gets a dollar back nearly every time. He's a clever one - gonna be a great lawyer.

Dad's Little Helper Black IPA from those
guys at Rogue - an ode to Father's Day...

The final infantile-as-it-seems battle is being waged by Ryan and myself against co-worker Gordo, who hates our beloved Toronto Maple Leafs. Not long ago, someone brought in a plaque-mounted two-by-three foot poster of Tie Domi, the Leafs' popular enforcer back in the 1990s. I instantly put it up on the bathroom wall directly across from the porcelain throne, causing Gordo to scowl every time he went in there. A huge Philadelphia Flyers fan, Gordo retaliated by bringing in a plaque-mounted pic of the 1973-74 Stanley Cup-winning Flyers, which he then hung directly above the throne. So Ryan and I have been printing new names for the team and taping them over the word 'Flyers' - which Gordo inevitably sees and angrily tears off. Most of them are far too vulgar to print here but one of Ryan's best thus far was the Philadelphia Moustache-Riders... so you can see the happily juvenile direction this battle between the three oldest employees in the store is taking. It's a little frightening that two of us are actually fathers charged with the care of children when we are little more than that ourselves. So like most Dads, I suppose, we are all Modern Family's Phil Dunphy in spirit...

Does she? What else would she wear?

And speaking of fathers and beer, my favourite Newport, Oregon brewer, Rogue Ales, has released another of their beauties onto the shelves of Burlington, Ontario, Canada - this time, it's the Dad's Little Helper Black IPA that's been sent here to slake our thirst. Once again, the Rogue Nation wins as this baby is both plum and coffee on the nose while being an interesting, if unusual, mix of grapefruit hoppiness and bitter-sweet chocolate on the tongue. This very tasty beer, as explained on the label, is actually a tribute to Father's Day - a day that is celebrated universally by us Dads getting ties we'll never wear. Next year, I want some of this, instead... though I'll buy it for myself on any number of the 364 other days in the year.

When Sawdust City Brewing's The Princess Wears Girl Pants cracked the Top-Ten Most Creative Names at the recent US Open Beer Championships, it piqued my curiosity over the Belgian golden ale actually brewed as a Double IPA. Though a bit too much on the sweet side for me, its floral nose and citrus taste does a fine job of masking the 8.5% alcohol. Also to me, it's tough for any beer they make to beat this little brewery's outstanding Lone Pine IPA or dynamite Long Dark Voyage to Uranus Imperial Stout. Still, a solid offering.

Ahhh, so THAT'S how Denison's Weissbier became
Side Launch's Wheat... the whole sordid story unfolds

In my last blog about the inaugural Burlington Beer Festival, I mentioned how the dude at Collingwood's Side Launch Brewing booth told us that their tasty choco-bomb Dark Lager used to be called Denison's Dunkel and how there must be an interesting story behind that. Turns out there is and once again, gawd bless Google for its valuable assistance. When Toronto-based Denison Brewing closed its doors in 2003, brewmaster Michael Hancock kept two of their beers alive through contracting out to other breweries - the Denison Dunkle and Denison Weissbier. The reason he busted his butt to keep them alive was their popularity and the fact the Weissbeer was regularly situated near the top of RateBeer's best German style hefeweizens. Eventually Side Launch picked up the two winners plus Hancock himself as a bonus in 2013 and rebranded them as Side Launch Black Lager and Wheat.

At long last... a store I can actually enjoy...

However, after I reviewed the Dark Lager earlier this week and Tweeted it to Side Launch, Beer Musketeer Cat also praised their Wheat on the Twitter link. Looking at my smudged, rain-soaked notes, it appeared I hadn't tried it at the Burlington fest, just the dark lager. (More likely, I just gave up on writing notes in the tsunami.) So I found a can post-haste. Man, this is a really great wheat - banana on the nose, bubble gum at first sip which quickly transitions into hazy citrus on the tongue. Between this and Underdog Brewing's All or Nothing Hopfenweisse, this is quickly turning out to be the Summer of Stunning Wheats.

Well, today I am off to the Toronto Festival of Beer and at the moment, I'm uneasily eyeing the cloudy morning skies above Burlington. I may go two-for-two in the getting-dumped-on beer parade. However, as I noted after last week's deluge in Burlington, after a few beers, who cares??? But first, a couple of cool links sent to me by Beer Musketeer Stevil St Evil. First up, hey, Oberyn lives on! Or least Pedro Pascal does, the actor who played the uber-awesome character and suffered one of goriest deaths on Game of Thrones since Ned Stark said, "A little off the top" and got more than he bargained for. Pedro popped into Cooperstown, NY's Brewery Ommegang as they introduced their latest GoT beer, Valar Morghulis Dubbel Ale. You can read about here at: And THAT'S Why You Don't Monologue, Dumb-Ass!!! Also, Serious Eats looks at 12 countries on the verge of a craft beer explosion and among them are both Canada and Stevil's adopted homeland of New Zealand. Singled out for Canada is Montreal's dynamic Dieu Du Ciel, much beloved by the Beer Musketeers and Garage Project, the feisty little Kiwi craft guys who turned a gas station into a brewery right down the street from Stevil. Check it out here at: Italy And Israel Made This List? Seriously?

Next up in Brew-Ha-Ha! Land... the Festival of Beers, of course. But guys and dolls, that's it, that's all and I am outta here! Until next we meet, I remain...

Burlington Beer Fest, Part Two

A Smoking Trees Tribe member offers me some potato chip swirls on a long
pointed spear. Handing a Tribe member a sharp pointy anything? Really?

There is one huge advantage in going to a beer festival that's being deluged by rain - well, aside from, hey, free shower. The line-ups, or rather lack thereof, at the brewers' booths.

The rainy weather sucked for the organizers of the first annual three-day Burlington Beer Festival because, well, Saturday (the day we were there) is supposed to be your cash cow day. It probably wasn't all that great for the attending brewers either, who saw huge crowds on the sunny, warm Friday night prior and had to stand through the inclement weather on a Saturday that alternated between a light drizzle and a Brazilian Rain Forest pounding.

But I tell you, for a healthy handful of us who braved the weather and attended? Man, you just cruised right up to the booths. It was awesome. I will tell you something I don't understand, though. I was at the heavily-attended outdoor Winter Craft Beer Festival at Steam Whistle in Toronto back in January - it was snowing, winds howling in off Lake Ontario and minus 25C (on the American Fahrenheit scale, that's pretty muck like north Wisconsin in January) and no one batted an eye! We stood there, happily shivering, drank beer and lots of it outside in that cold. And yet it rains a little, is +25C and people think, "Nah, I'll pass..."? I don't get that.

Two lovely members of the Smoking Trees Tribe
stay well protected from the elements at the fest

It's this sort of backward thinking that leads to the moral fabric of Canadian society itself unravelling and anarchy spreading. Smarten up, people - you will kill us all. Next time, go or your thoughtless actions will rain Sharknado down upon us!! Ooops, briefly forgot I was Canadian so perhaps I should politely rephrase that. I'm sorry, eh? Please go. Beer Fests are what it's all aboot, eh? Love you hosers. Gimme a hug, eh?

But a funny thing happens when you get a smaller but hard-core group of craft beer lovers in an enclosed space during crappy weather. They bond. Suddenly, everyone there is everyone else's best friend - well, okay, that's often the case where alcohol is concerned but on this day, even moreso. With Beer Musketeer Cat and myself, it was the Smoking Trees Tribe who became our family members on this soggy day. You see, all along the north edge of Spencer Smith Park down on the waterfront is this huge line of 100-year-old oak, spruce and maple trees which provided a large measure of shelter. Smokers and non-smokers alike flocked to this protective coverage so often through the afternoon that we became the Smoking Trees Tribe and one big happy family. Everyone talked to everyone, laughing, cheering, joking and most importantly asking the always-critical "Hey, have you tried such-and-such beer yet?"

Cat with a Smoking Trees Tribe member, who
ended up introducing her to his entire family!

Speaking of which, I should probably get to that. As always, the colourful Flying Monkeys booth drew a lot of attention. The Barrie brewery always seems to draw the heaviest traffic at every beer fest I attend and this day would be no exception. Well, since the day was all about trying beers Cat and I have never had (which certainly narrows the field where Flying Monkeys is concerned), both of us tried their Genius of Suburbia. It threw us both off because we weren't certain of what style of beer it was, other than an ale of some kind. So we asked the chap at the booth and he said at 3.8%, it was their session IPA. However, later I discovered its commercial description is an American wheat pale ale, which would explain our initial confusion. Regardless, for such a light beer, there was no shortage of flavour - citrus on the nose, sour (good sour) on the tongue. It's not their top beer by a long shot, more like a lighter, wheatier version of their outstanding Hoptical Illusion Almost Pale Ale but still we both quite liked it.

Despite going to the Nickel Brook brewery, oh, twice a week or so for growler refills of Headstock IPA, I have never thought to sample their Le Payson Saison so now was the perfect opportunity. Now my co-worker Saga thinks that the current craft IPA wave, a style he dislikes, is a passing fad and that saisons are the wave of the future. On my end, I don't think Saga should be operating our heavy machinery when he's so obviously high on meth. And let's assume it's the 99% pure blue Walter White Breaking Bad kind...

Beer tent? Forget that! When Alexander Keith's rolled up,
it was in a big trailer where the side opened up to reveal an
olde-timey looking bar. So I cepia-toned this picture for an
olde-timey wild, wild West effect. Saddle up, pardners...

To me, saisons, due to their light and crisp taste, rival wheats for appropriate summer-time beers and the Payson kissed the season right on the lips. Almost wheat-like with its orange peel aroma, I got light spice and citrus on the tongue. A very refreshing beer. (Truth to tell, at the end of the day, Cat and I marvelled that there wasn't a clunker or even medium effort in the bunch. Some were better than others but still...)

Because no Beer Fest will pass without me trying an IPA, next up was Hop City's Hopbot IPA. I was surprised to hear it was 7.1% because it was not dissimilar to the Genius of Suburbia in taste. Citrus and pine on the nose, this had a nice bitter grapefruit taste. It won't crack my Top-Ten IPA List but I would definitely grab another if I saw it.

One beer that definitely caught Cat off-guard was Side Launch Brewing's Dark Lager. The Collingwood brewery nailed this one - another Best of Show, for sure. Malty and lightly spicy on the nose, this bad boy was roasted chocolate on the tongue. Interestingly enough, the guy at the booth told us this recipe used to be called Denison's Dunkel so future research is needed on this brewery to find out when the Denison's ended and Side Launch began. As for Cat's reaction? It was one word. "Wow!" Nuff said...

This Neil Diamond sound-alike/look-alike had all the
Poncho Girls up and dancing, especially with his closing
number, Sweet Caroline. His music has never been my
style but I tell you, the ladies really love this dude...

And finally, our good friends at Beau's Natural Brewing in tiny Vankleek Hills, Ontario, never disappoint. I started with their brightly labelled Patio Saison while Cat opted for their Tom Green Milk Stout. (For the uninitiated, Green was a Canadian 'shock' comic famous for about 10 minutes more than a decade ago. He was also inexplicably married to the wonderful Drew Barrymore... also for about 10 minutes more than a decade ago.) Cat quite enjoyed the stout though the Turtle Island Brewing's outstanding Ixcacao Triple Chocolate Stout she had earlier may have ruined her for other stouts. That said, she did quite like it. My Patio Saison was every bit as bright as its yellow label, fruity on the nose, spicy on the tongue. Another summer-time winner. But it was their Kissmeyer Nordic Pale Ale that we collectively called the winner at this booth. Told it was the hoppiest beer they had brought, it was hoppy and lightly fruity on the nose, malty and spicy on the tongue. This 5.2% offering wasn't a hop bomb but still a remarkable summer offering. It, too, will make a summer appearance at Donny's Bar and Grill in the near future, as will the Patio Saison.

This is the proper amount of porta-potties for a beer festival.
Not three... this many. Good job to the Burlington beer crew

One of the more interesting Facebook posts I read about the previous weekend's inaugural Durham Beer Festival came from a young lady who complained about the number of porta-potties there (she says three) and lack of live music. This is not a diss at the event - like mine, this was their first so growing pains are expected. And Beer Musketeer Glenn, a Shwa resident, told us it was a full-on blast. But I wanted to share with the Durham folks what live music does bring to a beer fest. That Neil Diamond sound-alike you see above? Women flocked to the stage when he was playing, dancing happily and loudly singing, especially when he got to his finale Sweet Caroline. So Durham, add a small stage to the end of the road and watch your revellers really party up a storm. I've been told The Trews, one of my favourite bands, is the entertainment for the Saturday portion of the Toronto Festival of Beer this weekend and that has me as stoked as the beer itself. Also, bring many more porta-parties, guys... or dudes will be looking for the nearest tree. And I will likely be there next year. Don't think I won't use the nearest potted plant, even if it's in plain view of the public. I will, you know.

The only beer I tried all day that I've had before was the
Cameron's Rye Pale Ale - my last beer of the festival.

The day, which was a blast, ended with me still clutching a free, beer-soaked t-shirt graciously given to me by the boys at Maclean's Ale Ltd. (one of our favourites of the day), being somehow lucky enough to dodge The Bee Gee's cover band near the end and then Cat somehow twisting her ankle getting into the cab, which resulted in me laughing uproariously. I always forget the etiquette involved for light injuries with women. I know if it's a dude, we're supposed to laugh like hyenas, especially if it's a shot to the nards. But probably not with women. Googling "when it is okay to laugh at a woman's injury?" as we speak. Okay, apparently, the answer is: Never! Oops. And then there was a late-night Skype session with Stevil St Evil in Wellington, New Zealand. I lasted maybe a half hour into that. You see, the 12-Step Program at Donny's Bar and Grill is actually only eight steps - the distance between the desk and the couch. Even Stevil yelling at me to wake up wasn't enough. I don't sleep. I hibernate. And finally, a word to the organizers of the Burlington Beer Festival. I know it rained on your parade a little... okay, a lot. What can I say? Mother Nature's a bitch. But that was of one the best organized beer fests I've been to with an outstanding cross-section of highly-known and lesser-known craft breweries. Please do this again next Summer... and every year after that. I absolutely guarantee you will have better weather next year. (Legal disclaimer: this is not a binding guarantee.) Absolutely fantastic work you did, ladies and gents.

Okay, guys and dolls, what can I tell you? That's it, that's all and I am outta here. Until next time, I remain, as always...

Burlington Beer Fest, Part One

When they check this selfie out with sober eyes, it's gonna be all...
"What is Brenda looking at?" That would be me, taking a picture of
these fun-loving people at the soggiest beer fest ever, the  first-ever
three-day Burlington Beer Festival on a very rain-soaked Saturday

It was the second-saddest confession ever uttered by a Beer Musketeer when Cat told the rest of us that she had never been to a craft beer festival.

The first saddest confession? That would come from Glenn wisely sharing this little tid-bit of info while Cat was away at Music Camp in the boonies and far from striking distance.
Glenn: I have a confession to make.
Me: Uh-oh... *buckles into desk chair*
Stevil St Evil: *eagerly awaits news of Durham Region's first gay marriage*
Glenn: I drank a Coors Light.
*stunned silence*
Me: The gay marriage would have been more welcome news...
Stevil: Was someone holding a gun to your head?

But that's Glenn, always providing the three of us with W-T-actual-F moments. But I am happy to report that Cat is no longer a craft beer festival virgin, having attended Day Two (Saturday) of the first ever three-day Burlington Beer Festival, held July 18 to 20. Did she enjoy it? Oh hell yeah, she got wet... Granted, that sounds a little more salacious than it actually is. The truth is we all got wet!! Yup, while the Friday portion was held under sunny skies and the Sunday fest was overcast but dry, we got dumped on by rain on Saturday - heavy rain, light drizzle (fo-fizzle) and intermittent get-them-hopeful, stopped-for-five-minutes parts.

Trish Watson, whose business card proclaims her both
"Beer Goddess" and "Co-Founder" of Ottawa's Turtle
Island Brewing Co., happily mingles with a fest-goer...

And when the organizers of the first-ever beer festival in my town decided to throw it, they went big - a three-day beer festival is more than a bit ambitious. Even Toronto's are held at a day, maybe two. So it was the sink-or-swim inaugural dance. And? Oh baby, much like us on Saturday, it swam. While the rains on Saturday may have put a slight damper on the size of the crowd, there was no raining on the spirit or enthusiasm of those who attended. You know the best thing about drinking some awesome craft beer in the rain? You know that soon into it, you won't care that you're drinking in the rain. Dollar store rain ponchos and umbrellas happily dotted the grounds at Spencer Smith Park as brewers such as Nickle Brook, Cool, Steam Whistle, Amsterdam, Mill Street, Brick, Granville Island, Flying Monkeys, Samuel Adams, Hop City, Creemore Springs, Beau's All Natural, King, Trafalgar Ales and Meads and Cameron's bravely manned their tents in the inclement weather.

Brew-Ha-Ha was one soggy but happy beer warrior at
the Burlington Beer Festival. Rain? Bring it on, bitch!!

Hell, Alexander Keith's, promoting their Hop Series line, brought an ultra-cool trailer that set up as an open-fronted bar.

But it was the breweries that Cat and I were less familiar with that drew our attention and the first one that caught our eye was Underdog Brewing out of Oshawa, a rookie brewery that seems to be going the Steam Whistle route and making one beer really well - their All or Nothing Hopfenweisse, a German style wheat. How green are these guys? This was their first ever beer festival which is a little odd since the first ever Durham Beer Festival was held the previous weekend. Why weren't they there? Believe it or not, they were told there was "no room" for them. No room for a Durham brewery at a Durham Beer Fest? As Cat noted afterwards, "Hey, you make room!" Hey, Durham's loss was Burlington's gain as this hefeweizen was outstanding. The first sip - no joke - bubble gum. But that quickly fades as the wheat, hay and light fruit hits your tongue next. Then come the light but noticeable hops! Wow! A dynamite beer that Cat and I went back for twice! Already this brewery is living up to its "Beer with No Excuses" motto. Count the pair of us as huge fans!

Who's more yellow? Cat in her dollar store poncho or
the Underdog's Brewery fridge. I say the fridge...

Plus as the friendly dude manning the booth noted, Ontario now has access to a great wheat beer year round. Sold!!! As they cleverly noted on Facebook the following morning, "It's a good thing that beer is 90%+ water anyways! Who doesn't like a little rain?" Indeed...

Next up was Ottawa's Turtle Island Brewing whose booth was manned by "Beer Goddess" and co-founder Trish Watson herself. While Cat went for their SMASHed Cherry Ale, I opted for their Imperial Maple Stout - at 11%, perhaps the strongest beer at the fest. While her cherry brew faded softly and nicely on the tongue, the maple was a bit sweet and overpowering in mine - still a strong and warming offering on a soggy day. But we both returned for their 6.5% Ixcacao Triple Chocolate Stout and *ding, ding, ding* we found the Turtle Island champion! Sweet chocolate and coffee on the nose, it turned bitter-sweet chocolate in the mouth. All three were solid offerings but that chocolate stout was delicious!

Right across the way from Turtle Island was Maclean's Ales out of tiny Hanover, Ontario.

This is how wet it was on Saturday as these maidens fair
went full-poncho on the tent strip, laughing and singing
the entire time. That, folks, is how you do it in the rain...

Now I actually know Hanover. One of my oldest friends, Dave, who I met when I was five, his late-father Herb and mother Marilyn both hail from Hanover. They met when Herb was playing sax in a jazz band and Marilyn joined as the singer. To that end, some 25 or so years ago, the band had a big reunion and Dave and I dutifully drove up to enjoy the festivities. Herb was very much a second father to me growing up and pretty much the coolest Dad ever so, man, I know good things come from Hanover. And guess what? Maclean's Ales Ltd didn't disappoint. With assistant brewer Mike and marketing manager Curtis manning the booth, we were told that founder Charles Maclean created the brewery in 1993 after returning here from touring the British countryside on a motorcycle and falling in love with their beer styles. The Maclean's Pale Ale was a perfect representation of a British Pale Ale, a carefully-struck balance between malt and hops, light fruit and caramel malt on the tongue. We loved it. We also tried their Farmhouse Blonde, which may have been made specially for fest as RateBeer refers to it as 'retired'. But it's all over their Facebook so maybe it's back in circulation. It was quite nice... but a little thin compared to the Pale Ale, another that we went back for twice more.

Hey, you meet a Canadian Chiver at a local beer fest,
you take his picture. It's pretty much legally mandated...

Okay, I'll be back in two days because I've just touched on some of the less familiar brewers who I thought were highly deserving of praise. I really loved all three and heartily applaud Underdog... who I believe won't be one for much longer. We'll be hitting the craft world's big boys tomorrow - the likes of Barrie's Flying Monkeys Craft Brewers and their session IPA, a saison out of my hometown Nickel Brook Brewing, a dandy dark lager from Side Launch Brewing out of Collingwood, Brampton's Hop City's Hopbot IPA, as well as three great ones - a saison, milk stout and pale ale - from Beau's All Natural Brewing out of Vankleek Hill and much much more.

And that's not even including the shenanigans of the Smoking Tree Tribe people, of which we were charter members, the friendliness of pretty much all the booth workers, the hefty number of porta-potties on hand (and why Durham could learn from us), a sweet meet with the ladies from St Louis Wings, a Neil Diamond sound-alike/look-alike in a sparkly shirt who had all the Poncho Ladies dancing, praise for the organizers, and taxi-cab follies, not to mention a short-lived, beer-fuelled Skype session with the Ultimate Master Of The Beer Fest, Stevil St Evil. The present Beer Musketeer Fest Score is: Cat 1, Glenn 1, Don 4 and Stevil 285... give or take.

But until then, guys and dolls, that's it, that's all and I am outta here... As always, I remain...

What Cheesy brought me from Detroit

Greg and I at a mini high school reunion some
four years ago back in my Labatt Blue days...

It's been about four years since I last saw my old high school buddy, Greg, a.k.a. Cheesy (because his last name is Cheesewright) but through the magic that is Facebook, we have managed to stay in touch. Cheesy remains one of the biggest and most vocal supporters of my son David's athletic achievements.

As high school ended, Greg flew south, armed with a tennis scholarship to an American college and simply stayed put. There was little doubt on anyone's part that he would become anything but a success. Even in high school, he was an outgoing, friendly-to-all and well-liked Type A personality, sharp as a whip, very skilled in seemingly all sports and adored by the ladies, who parted in his wake with little cartoon hearts thumping from their chests. About a decade or so ago, Greg founded an IT-service-provider business that started small and grew rapidly to have some pretty big business clients from around the world. While his head office is in Detroit, Greg and his wife live a comfortable upper-scale suburb of the city.

My little girl, Katie, models the Detroit
Surf Co bowling shirt and distressed Red
Stripe ball cap (complete with opener on
the brim) that Cheesy brought up for me.

And despite its myriad of financial woes, believe me when I say Cheesy is fiercely loyal to the Motor City. This will come as particularly interesting to the Detroit Red Wings fans in the crowd (yeah, Kevin... looking at you, bub). As the coach of a Detroit Under-18 Rep Hockey team (which is, in essence, a feeder team to American colleges), Greg has his own office right in Joe Louis Arena - simply because the team is sponsored by Little Caesar's Pizza... which in turn was founded by Mike Ilitch... who in turn owns both the Red Wings and the Detroit Tigers baseball franchise. And hold tight there, Kevin, because the best Red Wing story is yet to come.

So when Greg, up here to visit his Mom in Oakville, called me up last week to join him and another high school friend Andrea (every bit as pretty now as she was then) for a drink, I couldn't say yes quite quickly enough. I caught up to the pair at a local Starbucks and Cheesy, a regular reader of this beer-soaked blog, noted quickly with a familiar smile, "This is gonna be a little like Christmas for you, Don." Indeed, I felt like I was a winning contestant on The Price is Right with Cheesy being a benevolent Bob Barker. In my goodie bag was a Detroit Surf Co. bowling shirt, a Red Stripe baseball cap, two bottles of Chicago's Goose Island Brewery's Bourbon Country Brand Barleywine Ale (at 50 bucks a pop!), a big-ass bottle of Detroit native son Kid Rock's Badass Lager, as well as assortment of  Badass coasters and an opener. As beloved hockey announcer Foster Hewitt used to say quite often when Detroit superstar Gordie Howe was on the ice... "Score!"

Gordie Howe: the only pro hockey player ever
who played in five different decades - 1946 to 1980.
How good was he? We called him Mr. Hockey...

When we went around the corner for proper libations at the Queen's Head British Pub, well, then the stories started to fly. And to me, the best by far was Greg's recollection of getting his Gordie Howe tattoo. A fan of the Red Wings and Howe in particular since childhood, Cheesy already had the Red Wing insignia (seen on Howe's sweater to the right) and Howe's number "9" tattooed on the side of his lower left calf. One day, Howe happened to be at Joe Louis for a book-signing. Greg thought, hey, that'd be a great gift for my buddies and lined up with a handful of the books. As he got closer to Gordie, he thought, man, it would be cool to get him to sign under my tattoos. So he asked. Because Howe is in the initial stages of Alzheimers, his handler quickly intervened and said, no way. To which Howe barked words to the effect of "The hell I won't!", up went Cheesy's leg on the table and Mr Hockey himself dutifully signed his name in marker under Greg's tattoos. The second he was out of there, Greg called his tattoo girl and she permanently etched the signature into his calf.

To Edna, Gordie is forever Woodrow.
Well, I'd say the likeness is uncanny.

To those outside the North American hockey culture, Gordie was as gifted with the fisticuffs, as he was with the scoring touch. To this day, a goal, an assist and a five-minute fighting major are still referred to as a "Gordie Howe Hat-Trick." Howe was further immortalized in an episode of The Simpsons in which Bart plots revenge against his teacher Edna Krabappel for confiscating his yo-yo. Responding to a personal ad his teacher had placed in the newspaper, seeking companionship, Bart took a picture of Howe and used the first name of former US President Woodrow Wilson in a return letter. The best line that Bart/Woodrow used to woo Krabappel after she sent Woodrow a sexy lingerie shot? "Yesterday morning, I put your photo up in my garage to inspire me while I gapped my spark plugs."

But back to the three of us. As these mini-reunion things tend to turn out, it was a night filled with laughter, fond and funny memories of days gone by and mostly just catching up.

Well, Kid Rock, it's not quite Badass but a great souvenir!!!

The best part of this kinda night is the inevitable "Whatever became of...?" portion because each of us, scattered in different directions as we are, knew what became of former classmates that the other two had long since lost track of. While Andrea and I happily drank our Kronenbourg Blanc, a decent enough but not outstanding French wheat, Greg cheerily quaffed his beloved Guinness. Andrea and I graciously conceded early on that Cheesy's adventures were the most exciting of the lot and he didn't disappoint with a sibling-rivalry classic. While his brother rides a Harley and is in a biker gang, it is, in fact, Greg, the respected businessman, who has more tattoos.

Holy crap on a cross!!! This black gold is liquid dynamite!

And the beers he brought me? Well, let's start with Kid Rock's Badass American Lager, which Greg brought more as a Detroit souvenir since he told me Kid Rock's backyard is facing Canada over the Detroit River and the singer can literally see Windsor from there since they're only a mile (1.6 kilometres) apart. This tastes pretty much like your typical American mainstream lager... but when you think about it, that's pretty damn smart. Kid Rock's fan-base is largely Bud-swillin', Pabst Blue Ribbon-lovin' dudes. They are not gonna want something Fancy Dan.

Chicago's Goose Island Beer Company, recently purchased by American giant Anheuser-Busch, is, on the other hand, pretty Fancy Dan.

Well, what can I say? Stevil St Evil is back on the blogging
bandwagon and merrily mocking my beloved Maple Leafs!

While pricey, their Bourbon County Brand Barleywine Ale is simply outstanding!!! Sweet, malty and bourbon on the nose, this is light raisin and more bourbon on the tongue and very warming in the stomach. I would happily hand this to any beer expert in the world and impart a single word: "Enjoy!" Cheesy, thank you so much, buddy!!! Since it's a bourbon-barrel aged beer that will continue to age beautifully in the bottle, scoring 100 on RateBeer plus another 100 on style points, I am hoping to hold the second one for a cold winter day where I can look at the window, raise a toast to an old friend and warm myself up with this treat. However, it probably won't make it past the weekend. I know me too well. To both Andrea and Greg, thanks for a great night - there's no friends quite like old friends.

And speaking of old friends, my New Zealand buddy and Beer Musketeer, Stevil St Evil, is back from his blog hiatus and happily and hilariously mocking my beloved Maple Leafs once again. You can read why he stepped away for a while here in: Come On, It Was A BAD Blister, Okay?? And then there's that other Musketeer Glenn who gleefully wandered Durham's first-ever Craft Beer Festival last Saturday and reports with: Why Can't They Do This Every Weekend? As for me, guys and dolls, hey, that's it, that's all and I am outta here!!! Until next time, I remain...