Polish beer is damn good... and that's no joke

Ahhh, yeah, it's actually pronounced
"Jee-Vitz" and no, I don't know
how that's possible...

Okay, as promised last time, today's blog is all about Polish beers.

Now we have been selling Polish beers for quite some time now. I mean, we also have a huge selection of Czech beer, Belgium beer and Danish beer but if I throw them at you all at once, then this blog starts to look like Germany's "To-Do" List from 1939. Well, until they thought Russia would be a fun little country to take over. ("Really?" said the German commander, "How cold can it be there?")

So several years back, we started getting shipped the beer on the right, which we, of course, pronounced "Zy-Weck." And Eastern Bloc customers would come in and ask if we carried a Polish beer called "Jee-Vitz". No, we would say, our only Polish beer (at that point) was Zy-Weck. That was until my buddy, Martin, was hired. You see, in Martin's house, English is a second language as both his folks are from Poland. Martin and his sister were born here in Canada but both are fluent in Polish - the main language of the household.

So one day, a customer asked if we had a case of Jee-Vitz, I said no, Martin said, "Yes, we do" and proceeded to grab a case of Zywiec. The customer was delighted, Martin had a big smile and all I could say was: "Jee-Vitz? Really?"

They pronounce
this one Tee-Skee.
That, we were able
to figure out.

Now that said, I have been listening on Martin's end of a phone call to his Dad and he speaks a language I can only call Pole-Glish - 90% Polish, 10% English. The conversation usually sounds like this: "Blucka, blucka, blucka... fireworks... blinga, blinga, blinga... explosion... biffa, biffa, biffa... the police... backa, backa, backa... don't tell Mom." Much like North American culture, Eastern Bloc European culture has the same credo: Don't piss off Mom. Some things are world-wide.

But the lesson here was clear: Learn how the beers are pronounced in their native country!! And it's remarkably simple. You ask the customer, they give you the native pronunciation and they seem quite happy you're making the effort to learn. I remember one day years ago, working with my buddy Jay and an older customer asked for a case of the German beer, Warsteiner. Jay says into the mic, "24 Warsteiner" and the customer berates him. "It's Varsteiner, not Warsteiner! There is no 'war'!" he yelled. All I could say after he left was: "Whoa. Someone's still bitter..." That said, most of our multi-cultural exchanges are informative and pretty cool. A Czech customer gave me a history lesson buying some Kozel the other day, in which I learned Budweiser actually started as a Czech beer and gave me the entire story. Reader's Digest Version: the Americans ended up with the shitty recipe, not the good one. Betcha that Czech Budweiser kicked some serious ass.

This one's easy... well, it is if you
know who Lech Wasela was. I do.

Okay, history lesson for you guys and gals now. Zywiec Brewery is located in Zywiec, Poland, established in 1852, which actually makes it a newbie in Europe. Part of a five-brewery conglomeration, they are now owned by Heineken, which has adopted the always-wise "hands off, let them do their thing" approach. The Zywiec we sell is a pale lager but not light by North American standards. Kinda hoppy and damn tasty. Tyskie, brewed by Kompania Piwowaska, also owned by a bigger company now, has been around since 1629 (old-timer) when the Von Promnitz family opened a brewery is Tychy, Poland. To my North American palate, the two beers are remarkably similar but I'm giving Tyskie the edge here. Lech Premium Beer is also brewed by Kompania Piwowska and is a very smooth lager... almost North American smooth - less hoppy, which can be good... or bad, depending of how you feel about beer. Lech goes down remarkably easy - they all do - but I'll be honest, I can see why Europeans buy this by the case (as they do the other two.)

Also, I'm drinking these beers while I write this and am 17 seconds away from proposing marriage to Lech. That's one hot blonde beer.

This one's pronounced
"Oh-KO-chim". I like to
think I'd be smart enough
to guess that. Maybe...

And finally, we have Okocim Premium Pale, brewed by the Okocim Brewery in Brzecko back in 1845. Hah, newbie! Like Lech, also an incredibly smooth pale pilsner. So we have two - Zywiec and Tyskie - that are traditionally European hoppy and two - Lech and Okocim - that are, well, North American smooth.

Pick your poison, friends. I will be honest - I enjoyed every single one. Also... a little buzzed. (By the way, after I proposed marriage, Lech said no. It wants to see other beers. Bitch.)

Okay, shifting gears. Yesterday on Facebook, my high school buddy, Lubin, posted pretty much the coolest thing I have ever seen. It's a brewery locator. For what? Well, how about EVERY SINGLE BREWERY in the world??? Lubin posts a lot of socio-political stuff on Facebook, which is how you should be using social media. I use Facebook like I'm a really bad Catskills stand-up comedian so my statuses might be worth marginally more of a chuckle with your morning coffee but you learn a helluva lot more about the world (not to mention music, new and old) from Lubin. And yeah, he was this annoying smart in high school. That said, love and admire the dude. He's the walking definition of Awesome Dad, which carries a lot of weight in Brew Ha Ha's World. Folks, here is Lubin's discovery... Lubin's Super-Cool Brewery Locator!

And finally, before I sign off for today... I'll just say this. This is what happens to your 2007 Ford Focus hatchback when you have a seminar to attend... and Martin has to work in your Beer Store. He shrink-wraps the damn car... I will get back at you, Martin... some day, some way... in the meanwhile, dude, how about a Lech??? Or a Tyskie... or Zywiec... or Okocim??? Like 'em all!

Dammit, Martin, show a little respect for the classic 2007 Ford Focus hatchback! Hmmm, I guess this is about right...

Okay, shout-outs! My buddy Steve in New Zealand... the Goose to my Maverick... here's his blog right here: Evil Stevil And Glenn, my pal in Oshawa? Just got his 3,000th hit on his blog... so impressive! You can find him at: Shwa Stories!

Until next time, I remain... Donny The Beer Machine!!!!