Cans vs Bottles... and Shona's Girls' Night Beer-Fest

You think you can tell the
difference... but you can't.
I'll bet you $20... No, make that
$10 MILLION... then I can retire
on the strength of your wrongness!

Every once in a while, I will hear someone say something to the effect of  "Oh no, I don't like the taste of beer in a can. It tastes metallic!!" I smile and nod politely, resisting the urge to ask them, "Just how much metal have you eaten in your life?" because the customer is always right (even when they're dead-wrong) and carry on. Where I work, there's lots of beer in cans, lots of beer in bottles and I don't really care which vessel it's purchased in... so long as it's purchased.

But is there a difference? Maybe once upon a time when beer was in steel cans. Beer had yet to be adopted by the aluminium can back in my misspent youth where we happily swilled from steel cans that were, frankly, a bitch to open. You need one of those triangular pointed can openers to crack that bad boy. When they came along with pull-tabs, you still needed that triangular opener can for the bottom of the can if you wanted to shot-gun it. How we didn't end up with more broken teeth is beyond me. I can't remember any metallic taste. Perhaps there was with the first one or two... but the 12-plus after that?? Nahhhhh.

A full glass is a happy glass! And
an empty glass is a sad, lonely and
pathetic waste of glass!!! Smarten
the hell up. Fill that glass!

I was always one of those beer quaffers who when offered a glass, simply said, "No, beer comes in its own glass." An oddly-shaped glass, mind you... but a glass of sorts. However, as my cohorts and I were taught at The Beer Academy in Toronto, beer is meant to be poured into a glass, largely because it activates the carbonation properly, giving your pint that nice head. As well, you can see the colour and hue of the beer which will give you an idea of the maltiness of the beverage. The aroma will give your a heads-up to his hoppiness and finally, a glass has a much bigger open gap on top than a bottle does so you have some kick-ass easy-flowing goodness in your hands there...

The point is: pour it in a glass, blindfold people and they can't tell the difference. Don't believe me? Well, thanks to my buddy Steve, I saw a video created by New Zealand's Boundary Road Brewery debunking that very myth. See it for yourself and clicking here on: Boundary Road Brewery Taste Test

Once upon a time, mail was delivered to your house
 and was placed conveniently  in a mailbox. And milk
was delivered door-to-door. And many suburban
children bore a remarkable resemblance to the milkman.

Okay, here at Brew-Ha-Ha, I try to answer any and all questions posed to the best of my ability. Questions can be diverse as: "Do you drink as much beer as your blog suggests?" (Yes... that said, I also believe in moderation in all things... especially moderation because who the hell needs moderation... so really a double-edged sword), "What's the best beer to eat with a cheeseburger?" (Whatever's in your fridge, Brainiac, it's a damn burger), "Are you my Daddy?" (No, I'm not, kid, please stop following me and calling me that) and of course, "Why is there a body in your trunk?" (Part of my touring magic act, Officer).

But my friend, Shona, actually asked me a REAL beer question the other day on Facebook. I was so excited, I passed out from Joy. (Joy is the nickname I gave that particular case of beer.) Anyways, here's Shona's question:

If you're not going to eat fruit,
as your family doctor, I highly
recommend this as an alternative

Hey Don, I'm a foodie and I have an idea for beer cheese fondue. I have the selection of cheeses picked out and the accompaniments would be a variety of smoked sausage as well as apple and pear slices. Any suggestions on the beer?

My Answer: Yeah, several... the trick here is the milder the cheese, the milder the beer. You don't want one flavour overpowering the other but rather complementing each other. Ergo, the heavier the cheese, the more powerful the beer. For your light cheeses, say, Brie or Mild Cheddar, you want the lighter beer such as a lager or an actual light beer. Next step, a medium Cheddar or Emmental/Swiss with a little bite, you go a little heavier - a Pilsner or an IPA. You get up to an Old Cheddar or similar one, you want an ale or a wheat beer. Finally, your heavy-duty cheese, such as Blue Cheese, you need an equally strong beer such as a porter or a stout.

Yes, you read that correctly. The
goodness of bananas in beer form!!!

With the sausage, pretty much the same thing. Mild sausage, mild beer. Spicy sausage, heartier beer. As for fruits, opinions vary but my thinking is many Canadian white beers, such as Richard's White, have a tinge of orange flavouring in them with a hint of spiciness. Match fruit with fruit flavoured beer. The lime-beers such as Bud Light Lime (very sweet... too sweet, actually) or Miller Chill (much more tart) might also be a good mix with the fruit. But guys will likely avoid them. I do.

At that point with the conversation continuing on Facebook, I remembered there's other fruit-flavoured beers, such as McAuslan's Apricot Wheat Ale, not to mention Well's Banana Bread Beer which was pointed out to me by my clever and thoughtful former Beer Store buddy Tommy Salami one day when I lamented on Facebook that it was too bad that I couldn't turn all those bananas that go black during the week into something useful, like beer.

Note to Shona and her fondue friends:
Beer leads to Beer Goggles so beware!

The conversation continued and Steve noted that a stronger IPA would work with the heartier cheeses. I whole-heartedly agree and suggested the stronger Sleeman's IPA or the super-hoppy Mad Tom IPA from Muskoka Brewery. Note: despite the fact he lives in New Zealand, seconds later, Steve also suggested the Mad Tom. Even a half-world away, Steve, too, knows Canadian brew. Smaller and craft breweries kick out much more flavourful IPAs. Now as the Brew-Ha-Ha dude, I've had all the white beers and lime beers but can I really recommend either the Apricot Wheat Ale or Banana Bread Beer to Shona WITHOUT trying them?? Oh, I think not. That would be highly irresponsible. You all know me: Mr Responsible. (Stop laughing, Mom... and Ex-Wife #1... and Ex-Wife #2...)

Keep your damn pot of gold. I'm good here!

At the moment, completely on Shona's behalf (because I'm a giver - that scheming bitch Mother Theresa has nothing on me) I am trying the Apricot Wheat. A confession: I couldn't for the life of me remember what an apricot tasted like. How I have never died of scurvy is beyond me. Something like a peach? That question was answered the minute I poured it into the glass. I could smell it. Right, apricot... memories of running through an apricot orchard as a child came flooding back. Not my memories, mind you. But somebody's, I'm sure. I have no idea where apricots grow. Okay, this is a tasty beer that I believe would go well with the fruit portion of Shona's shindig. But as Steve and I discussed, this is a dessert or aperitif beer. One, maybe two. That's it. But I think Shona's gal-pals will dig it.

Okay, fresh beer glass. I have plenty and I want the Banana Bread Beer recommended by Tommy to stand on its own. Now where the Apricot Wheat beer was a made-in-Canada product, the Banana Bread Beer was made by Wells in Bedford, England. Okay, this is a much heavier beer, being a British Ale but at 5.2%, pretty much the same alcohol content.

The Pie Hole: why bother with pie??

Okay, where I give the Banana beer a huge edge over its Apricot brethren is that it's far less sweet. So we have a real winner here. You taste the banana but it's slighter than the apricot which is all you taste. But like the Apricot beer, this Banana beer is "one... and done." Good call, Tommy!

Okay, quick story before I wrap this up. When Bud Light Lime was released a few summers back, we could not keep it in stock. Personally, it was so sweet that I thought it tasted like Sprite but there was no denying its popularity. And frankly, it gave us one of the funniest commercials in a while. Wanna see it? Click here on: Bud Light Lime: In The Can

That's it, homeys... and my sweet friend Shona, who's brave enough to ask Brew-Ha-Ha a question... any question! Couple of shout-outs. You like funny stories from New Zealand? Check out my bro Steve's blog at: 5-Foot-19 How about life east of Toronto, say, the Oshawa area? Well, then, you wanna read my buddy Glenn's blog here: Shwa Stories

Next up: Polish beers!!! Which was supposed to be this blog. But Shona asked me a question so...