Funny shirts, breakfast beers, silly savers and Granville Island

Well, okay, if you insist, Jenny. But not at the bar, okay?
Is there a... uhhhh... back-door way out of this dump?

Well, well, well... I wrote yet another brilliant Brew Ha Ha! earlier in the day and by the time I returned home from work, it had disappeared into the ether-wind... And here parents are, warning their kids that they have to be smart because once something's on the Internet, it's there forever... Apparently, not. Once again, Brew Ha Ha! wields ultimate power over the weak and girly-man internet!

Oh well, I'll just stamp my feet and do a second take. How hard can it be to rewrite something I did just 10 hours ago? So it was about... uhhh... beer... something something... beer... squirrel ran by... beer... hey, lady walking her dog... beer... I'm hungry... Okay, starting from scratch, apparently.

First up is the story of British barmaid Jenny Price who posed with a co-worker wearing a "Keep Calm and Try An Ale" T-shirt. Except as you can see on the right, from the angle she was standing at, her shirt suggested something else entirely. The picture of the 27-year-old barmaid's wardrobe malfunction was published in one of Britain's largest newspaper and the image itself got onto the Internet within milliseconds. Said Jenny: "The lads behind the bar haven't stopped sniggering yet." Sniggering is a very polite, very British thing. Here in North America, we laughed our asses off when we saw this picture. We're very silly and immature that way. The final word on this issue goes to Kanye West, who said, "Jenny, Imma let you finish but Janet Jackson had the greatest wardrobe malfunction of all time!" Word up, Kanye... (ya effing douche...)

Muskoka Summer Weiss: Because when you're
at the cottage, goddammit, it's ALWAYS 5 p.m.!!!!

Okay, next up, my blog brother Glenn sent a link to my Facebook page from Cottage Life magazine to a series they ran called: The Ultimate Summer Beer Guide with stories ranging from "How to host a beer tasting" to "How to brew your own beer."
Said Glenn: "I think Cottage Life is trying to steal your thunder." Oh, I think not, puny mortal, for I am Beer Thor, Norse God of Blissfully Buzzed Thunder and Chug-A-Lug Lightning!!!
But the one that caught my attention was one entitled: "7 summer beers for the dock/deck". The writer of the piece clearly knows his craft brewers - no big boys on this list.
One of the beers, Muskoka Brewery's Summer Weiss is certainly notable. I was stocking it on the shelves the other day and noticed it had food serving suggestions on the side of the six-pack. The first suggestion: bacon and eggs or pancakes and waffles. So basically what our friends at Muskoka Brewery are telling us is this: "If you plan to start your beer drinking day at 8 a.m., this is the beer for you!" Beer, the Breakfast of Champions!
I still can't tell if that's creatively evil or downright brilliant. I'll let you know when I try one... time of the day still pending.

A silicone-based cap to put on your
beer when you can't finish it? I'm sorry,
could someone explain what that means?

The one beer the writer suggested that I found fault with was Lake of Bays Brewery's Rock Cut Baysville Lager. It's not the beer itself. I'm sure it's probably excellent. Or least, we'll find out when Lake of Bays finally ships it out. As of the article writing, it hadn't been released yet. (It might be by now.)
But dude, really? Only seven beers on your list and you're recommending one you've never even tasted??? Beer Thor smirks at you, mortal. I drank a damn Banana Bread beer for this blog!!!!! I shall smite thee for thy craven indignity toward malted beverages!!
The other interesting tidbit from the series was found by my other blog brother Steve, a.k.a. Stevil St Evil, who spotted this Beer Saver in the Best Beer Accessories story.
The Beer Saver is a silicone-based cap you put on your beer when you can't finish it. When. You. Can't. Finish. It.
Steve and I puzzled over this for a while. What does that mean? Like you died? Had a heart-attack and managed to utter: "Save... the... beer." A Game of Thrones thing when you're enjoying a tasty brew and suddenly you're decapitated... so a bar-wench grabs your beer and puts a cap on it? So if anyone reading this blog understands what "can't finish your beer" means, pass it along to me and I will relay it to Steve, as well. Between the two of us, we don't understand what could stop you from finishing a beer. It's gotta be something really serious.

Granville Island Brewing: That's B.C. Talk for damn tasty beers!!!

Okay, next on deck... my friend, Cat, twigged to the fact that I wrote a beer blog and strongly suggested I try the Granville Islands beers, brewed off the coast of B.C. and distributed to us Easterners, courtesy of Molson's. Steve, who spend a few years in B.C., backed Cat, noting they were truly tasty.
I grabbed a Granville Island Summer Mingler 12-pack, which has four different beers in it and started with the Cypress Honey Lager. Okay, this has a lot more flavour than the mass-produced honey lagers out here with the possible exception of Sleeman's Honey Brown. Next up was the English Bay Pale Ale, the mildest of the bunch and still damn tasty. The Island Lager packed a little more punch than I was expecting... and that's a good thing. A little friskier than your average lager, that's for sure. And finally, the Brockton IPA... oh man, we have a winner! Okay, quick explanation of the India Pale Ale. Back in the 1700-1800s, when British boats were sailing to India with wooden kegs of beer, the beer usually arrived flat. Olde-Tyme Brewmasters figured out if they upped the hops, the beer lasted longer. Hence the creation of the hoppier India Pale Ales. Now hoppiness is measured in International Bitterness Units or IBUs. On one end of the scale, you have Alexander Keith's India Pale Ale which, while very tasty, is so low on the IBU Scale, it's almost a lager. On the other end, you have Muskoka Brewery's Mad Tom IPA, which is so high on the IBU, you get duck-face because it's so bitter. But the Brockton IPA? Right in the middle! Best of the bunch! Hoppy but not so much so that you die and need a Beer Saver... and look like a dweeb. So thanks to Cat and Steve... great call!

Shout-outs to my two blog brothers both named Darryl... because it's my blog so I'm Larry. Darryl #1 is a master of both mischief and mayhem and we call him Steve. For all things non-stop-fun New Zealand, check out his blog: 5-Foot-19 And then there's Darryl #2, who might have delivered a pizza or two simply because he watches porn and is hoping... well, never mind. My man, Glenn, is on top of everything east of Toronto in his blog: Shwa Stories Until next time, gang at Cheers, I remain...