The Best of 2017 - Part One

We all know Rule #1 of Brew Ha Ha's Best Of 2017.
As my son, David, is displaying it's Ontario Craft
Beers ONLY! Here is where we honour OUR best!!
(I also honour them all year long by drinking them.)

Well, 2017 has been a productive year so far with a couple dozen new Ontario Craft Breweries opening and a healthy handful eagerly anticipated in 2018. Yeah, Bench Brewing in Beamsville, I'm lookin' at you! Buh-ring it!

Our good friends at the Ontario Beverage Network had to struggle up keep up all the breweries offering online ordering where you just stick your tasty beers from far-away breweries in the little cyber-carts and within a business week, they're at your front door. Well, "struggle" might be overselling it as OBN is always on top of the Ontario craft beer scene like nobody's business. They also talk about other beverages that I don't care about, such as ciders and wine, but that's because they are exceptionally well-rounded people. I am not. I am exceptionally narrow-minded when it comes to imbibing. My push-cart only aims in one direction and it always involves water, yeast, malted barley and especially hops.

But back to the point of online craft beer ordering, as my man, Drunk Polkaroo, pointed out late in the year, "Is there going to be any Ontario breweries NOT offering online ordering by the end of next year?" 

Best Pale/Blonde Lager this year was a tasty one
from our friends at Amsterdam Brewing, their
Pale Rider Dry Hopped Lager. Clean and punchy.

From his mouth to the breweries' ears because that would seriously rock.

I don't want you guys thinking I'm one-dimensional and it's all "beer, beer, beer" in my corner of the world. I pay attention to other stuff, too. Like international events. For instance, tensions ran so high between the USA and North Korea this year that France has already surrendered. See, I know stuff. I read the Internet.

But we're here today for one reason - to check out The Best of the Best, the top dogs, the Big Enchilada's of the craft beer fiefdom. However, I'm known for, uh, my strict adherence to rules so here's mine. Just as it was last year, Ontario craft beers only in this Winner's Circle. We'll add an out-of-province beer or two tomorrow as Part Two, while mostly still concentrating on Ontario, does drift elsewhere a little. And Rule #2, no repeat winners. We have so many great craft beers in Ontario that we wanna spread the honours around. Ready to rock? Hit the damn gas, Aunt Bea!

This year's Best Pilsner is made by - oh, come
on, seriously? - yup, the good folks at Great
Lakes Brewing who proved once again they
are masters of all trades. We know them for
their IPAs but it turns out they have another
trick or two up their yeast-coated sleeves...

Best Pale/Blonde Lager: Yeah, I know, ewww, gross, pale blonde lagers. That's the macro brews we used to drink, right? Well, I gotta tell you, I don't remember Labatt Blue being jacked up on El Dorado and Amarillo hops the way that Amsterdam Brewing's (Toronto) Pale Rider Dry Hopped Lager is! At just 4.2%, this packs some tasty and tangy citrus. A smooth, easy, flavourful ride with this one. (Previous Winners: Cameron's 12 Mile India Pale Lager, Hogback's Vintage Lager)

Best Dunkel/Dark Lager: This is a tougher category than you'd think as I like my lagers dirtier than Charlie Sheen's bathroom but so far this year, four separate excellent beers were vying for the top spot. But in the end, I went with Four Fathers Brewing (Cambridge) Shevchenko 9 Ukrainian Dunkel Euro Dark Lager. At 5%, this is dripping with nutty chocolate and thick, bready malts. Almost too deep to be a lager. If you love your porters and stouts, give this a whirl because it's not that far removed from the heavier styles. (Previous Winners: Lake Wilcox' Mad Quaker Amber Lager, King Brewing Dark Lager, Mill Street 100th Meridian Organic Amber Lager.)

Now THIS was a kick-ass saison. Little Beast's
La Saison D'ete, a clever play off the French
phrase Raison D'etre (your life's purpose) but
by swapping in "D'ete", it instead means "The
Saison of Summer." Someone at the brewery is
bilingual and loves their little turn of phrases.

Best Pilsner: These guys have their own separate IPA category all to themselves in this annual space out of necessity. I was worried they'd just keep winning the Best IPA category year after year. You'd think that'd be enough but nooooo... Anyway, turns out this little-known Etobicoke brewery named Great Lakes can make a damn fine Pilsner, as well, with their Hopped Improperly American Dry-Hopped Pilsner. The 5%, 25 IBU (international bitterness units) seems just kinda grassy and a wee touch of fruit on the nose like most pilsners but steps it up on the tongue with nice traces of orange and lemon. (Previous Winners: Steam Whistle Pilsner, Steamworks Pilsner, Black Oak Epiphany No. 2 Pilsner, Rainhard Unfiltered Pilsner.)

Best Saison: Although traditionally a very mild style of beer, a good crossover between macro and micro, there's always a couple of saisons that trick it up and jump to the front of the pack every year. This year, it was easily Little Beasts Brewing (Whitby) La Saison D'ete, which may have skirted the whole saison thing with this little 6% bomb-blast. Brewmaster Erin Broadfoot apparently decided, "Hey, you know what saisons really need? More goddamn hops!"

Here we have Black Bellows Brewing's White, a Belgian
Wit With Elderberries, on the left and a Big Rig Big Boot
Hefeweizen on the right. So you have your Belgian style
and your German style wheat beers all in one picture.

So she threw Amarillo, Nelson and Mosaic hops into the boil and just went apeshit on it. The result? This ain't your grand-pappy's saison. Snappin' arseholes, Margaret, this was some kind of tasty! Orange and spice on the nose (the latter meaning probably Belgian yeast) with more fruitiness on the tongue. I have to be honest. If I hadn't known it was a saison (the name is kind of a give-away), in a blind taste-test, I would have thought it was some kind of Belgian IPA. (Previous winners: Nickel Brook-Sawdust City 11~05 Saison, Four Winds Brewing Saison, Collingwood Brewing Saison Farmhouse Ale.)

Best Belgian-Style Wit: I started this category last year after I realized German-style wheats were going to win Best Wheat every year.

So wheat beers aren't usually flavoured by outside fruits
but what would happen if you did? You would get this -
Beyond The Pale Brewing's Pink Fuzz which added
some grapefruit into the mix. The result? Deliciousness!

After giving us those kick-ass waffles (and a bunch of great beers), the Belgians deserved better. So this year, our friends at Black Bellows Brewing (Collingwood) take the prize with their White Witbier With Elderflower. No idea what an elderflower is but it does explain the floral notes as well as light touch of banana on this 5% beer. You can't tell from the picture but this beautifully laced that little glass. Definitely Belgian yeast involved because there was plenty of spice on the tongue with an added touch of pepper. Great little beer! (Previous Winner: Railway City's The 'Witty' Traveler Pint.)

Best German-Style Wheat: Now this, my friends, is a true German wheat - Big Rig Brewing's (Ottawa) Big Boot Hefeweizen. With just that wee trace of bubble-gum on the nose that disappears quickly, the 4.8% beer burst with bananas, cloves and very mild spices on the tongue. A good German wheat is meant to be light and refreshing - the ultimate Summer patio brew - and this certainly fills the bill. This brewery continues to crank out beauties! (Previous Winners: Creemore Hoppy Hefeweizen, Howe Sound King Heffy Imperial Wheat, All Or Nothing Hopfenweisse and Side Launch Wheat.)

Just because the category is called Beau's Lug Tread
Honourary Best Kolsch doesn't mean some Beau's
beer is gonna win it. There's tons of good Kolsch's
out there. Except, well, Beau's Haters Gonna Hate
Imperial Kolsch won it. I'm not on their payroll!

Best Specialty Wheat: I added this one last year because a brewery in Toronto blended a red ale and a wheat and the result was simply outstanding. So now, well, I guess it's kind of a thing. But honestly, there has to be one that knocks me over or I have no problem ignoring this not-at-all-traditional category altogether. One did. After one of their many forays across the Province this year, Drunk Polkaroo and his lovely wife, Kat, popped into my work with a healthy handful of beers for me, all IPAs... plus this one that wasn't. Beyond The Pale Brewing's (Ottawa) Pink Fuzz Grapefruit Wheat. Grapefruit is a taste better associated with pale ale and IPAs so what's it doing in a wheat beer? Adding a lot of flavour, first off. Think of a Radler, a grapefruit-lager combo but way better! (Which is actually ridiculously easy because radlers pretty much suck ass.) This 6% wheat was kind of a Germany-meets-California pale ale, citrus-grapefruit and wheat combo that I have never enjoyed before. Probably because it didn't exist. Zesty, a little bit hoppy and damn tasty with big bunches of grapefruit! (Previous Winner: Junction Craft Brewing Olympia Looping Red Wheat)

How has this beer not won before? This has been
one of the best session ales in Ontario for a while.
Muskoka Detour has been a low-ABV go-to for me
since its launch because it's got a pretty big taste!

The Beau's Lug Tread Honourary Best Kolsch: This category is named as such because for years, I never picked a Best Kolsch. Last year, there were two winners because my co-worker Jay-Dawg and I couldn't agree on the best one. And neither of the choices were Lug Tread, the Province's most beloved lagered ale. So, ironically, Beau's (Vankleek Hills) has never won my Best Kolsch. Until now. Because you see, Beau's Haters Gonna Hate Imperial Kolsch is not only a great beer, it's also a mistake. When they were brewing their first batch of Lug Tread, they accidentally froze it a little. That resulted in the ABV shooting up above 7%, a little high for the marketplace. They got it right the second time but, well, that spoiled batch had its fans within the brewery. It took 10 years but they finally returned with their new take on that original mistake. At 7.1% and 40 IBUs, Haters Gonna Hate has a bit of a musky aroma but on the tongue, it's very tropical mango and fruity for a lagered ale. And as the IBUs indicate, it has a little more hop-pop than your average Kolsch. This just proves that sometimes, mistakes are the best thing that can happen in life. And that, dear readers, is exceptionally good news for me. (Previous Winners: Cowbell Absent Landlord Country Kolsch, Old Tomorrow Track 85 Lagered Ale)

Yeah, sure, that's one big-ass wall of my favourite
Nickel Brook beer in the background but up front is
their Cause & Effect Blonde Ale, the little beer that
has done more for charity this year than any other.

Best Session/Light Beer: First brewed in 2015, Muskoka Brewing (Bracebridge) slugged a bases-loaded homer with Detour, their session IPA. Frankly, I should have awarded this beer much sooner but, well, other beers got in the way. At a very reasonable 4.3% and 30 IBUs, the brewery starts with fewer hops in the early boil but then, puts in a lot more at the end during the dry-hopping process. El Dorado, Citra and Sorachi Ace hops all contribute to the pine finish while giving it a beautiful citrus and grapefruit nose. Now available in 355-ml (12 ounce) cans in either six or 12-packs, this is one of those good things that come in small packages. One of those really good things. (Previous Winners: Great Lakes' Sunnyside Session IPA, Flying Monkeys' Genius of Suburbia ISA, Great Lakes' Citradiction Extra Pale Ale) 

Best Blonde Ale: Blonde ales are, well, blonde ales. They're a nice, mild style that won't set the world on fire but still hold their place in the craft beer world because they are so damn accessible. Anyone can drink a blonde ale. Even your grandmother. You know, if she wasn't so blasted on gin already.

Cameron's Brewmaster Jason Britton continues
to resist my pleas for a hoppy pale ale or an IPA
but dammit, between his 12 Mile India Pale Lager
and Dark & Sticky India Brown Ale, he is giving
me some dynamite alternatives. This is damn good

Nickel Brook Brewing's (Burlington) Cause & Effect Blonde had itself a busy year as it was the brewery's centrepiece for fundraising. Coupled with brewery BBQs, over $8,000 was raised this year by Nickel Brook for cancer-related hospices. Their ongoing Cause For A Cause campaign saw a dime from every can sold go to charity. Believe me, that adds up. And the beer itself is certainly a great example of the style - at just 4.7% and 19 IBUs, it's an easy drinking ale with whiffs of citrus. Given the brewery's charity efforts, this may have been the hard-working little beer in the Province this year. So cheers to Cause and the Effect it had on others this year! (Previous Winner: Lake of Bays Summer Sunset Session Ale) 

Best Amber-Dark Ale: This, quite frankly, might just be the best new beer of 2017. Cameron's Brewing (Oakville) is literally down the street from me and while they continue to resist the pale ale or IPA bandwagon, they have two of my favourite beers constantly in stock - their 12 Mile India Pale Lager (frankly, the best lager in the Province) and their brand new Dark & Sticky India Brown Ale. Given the category, it's the latter we're looking at today. This is quite literally a brown ale meets an IPA. So it has all the thicky smoky malts of a brown ale but is goosed with Idaho 7 and Falconers Flight hops to give it some serious juice.

It's hazy, it's hoppy and it's a glass full of kick-ass.
Redline Brewhouse's Clutch Pale Ale is one of those
beers you discover and just keep enjoying. Over
and over and over in my case. This one's a beaut!!

At 5.5% and probably 30-plus IBUs, the rich treat was at first only available in the Brewmaster's Selection Four-Pack but proved so popular that their retail started selling it individually. I know because I have bought a ton of them. Just fantastic. (Previous Winners: Mill Street Tankhouse Ale, Parallel 49 Gypsy Tears Ruby Ale, Wellington's Terrestrial India Brown Ale, Cowbell's Doc Perdue's Bobcat West Coast Red Ale)

Best Pale Ale: Well, this little contest was over as soon as I had my first Redline Brewhouse (Barrie) Clutch American Pale Ale in the Spring. You know those hazy New England-style IPAs you always read about? Yeah, this is the pale ale version of that. In fact, when I would pop into the now-defunct Rib Eye Jack's Ale House for an after-work pint or two, I always started with this. At first it confused the servers, who would, out of habit, start reciting the latest IPAs on tap to me but they caught on quickly. As one eventually noted when she saw me coming through the door, "Donny wants his Clutch first!" And indeed, I most certainly did.

For those who may be worried that the name is culturally
insensitive, the Geronimo IPA is actually named after a
bootleg cargo ship that ran between Canada and the USA
during Prohibition. So there's some nobility to this name.

As cloudy as a London morning, this ale's flaked oats give it a wonderful, smooth mouthfeel on its base while the Centennial, Citra, Amarillo and Mandarina Bavaria hops provide so much punch, you'd think it was an IPA. At 4.8% and 42 IBUs, it's busting with peaches, pine, grapefruit and peaches. I always buy whatever's new and interesting at Redline when I pass through Barrie but I never walk out with less than six of these. I would put this up against any pale ale in North America. (Previous Winners: Spearhead Hawaiian Style Pale Ale, Cameron's California Sunshine APA, Sawdust City's Golden Beach Pale Ale, Rainhard's Armed N Citra Pale Ale)

Best British-Style IPA: This is an often tricky category as it usually means a nicely hopped IPA but with an unsually strong malt backbone. The trick is not many breweries make this style, preferring to go malt-light, full west coast hops. But there's always a couple that capture my attention and this year, it was Walkerville Brewing's (Windsor) Geronimo IPA.

Great Lakes Brewmaster Mike Lackey makes such great IPAs that last
year, I just threw up his hands and gave the brewery their own category.
The fact was that GLB would quite likely win the Best IPA category for
probably five years running. Others breweries do make good ones, too.

At 6.3% and 55 IBUs, it certainly has the stats of your basic west coast offering and its Cascade, Centennial and Summit hops do bring that grapefruit, orange peel aroma. But, as you can tell from the colour, it's the malts - 2-Row, Munich and Crystal - driving the back end of this bad boy. Very well balanced! (Previous Winners: Longslice Brewing's Hopsta La Vista IPA, Junction Craft Brewing Engineer IPA) 

Best Great Lakes Brewing IPA: Yes, this category was created last year because I looked at their stable of Tank Ten IPAs and thought, "No one else is gonna win Best IPA with these guys in the mix." So I gave them their own category. The good thing about this little craft beer party is that I can make up rules on the fly. And I often do.

I think this one caught all Ontario craft beer drinkers
a little off-guard this year as Beau's finally released a
west coast style IPA and goddammit, was it ever good!

This year, the GLB IPA I looked forward to the most and bought in abundance when it was stocked was their Meanwhile Down In Moxee American IPA. The story behind this new one is that GLB Brewmaster Mike Lackey was wandering around Moxee, Washington, near Yakima Valley where he was searching for fresh El Dorado hops. But while in Moxee, a small town with just 4,027 residents, he happened upon a great Teriyaki restaurant, something you do not expect to see in a town that size. So the town name and picture of that Teriyaki restaurant soon adorned the label drawn by Garnett Gerry (one of his few without a character.) Though far less hazy and chunky than the ones I am used to, this is the brewery's first New England-style IPA and it is one tasty mofo. At 6.4% and 65 IBUs, it has mango and orange on the nose followed by more orange and peach (the latter being a flavour stable in the New England style) on the tongue. Even though the new beer only saw two releases this year, I was good for about 50 of them. Loved this one! (Previous Winners: Octopus Wants To Fight IPA, Thrust! An IPA)

Best West Coast IPA: I gotta be honest. When I heard Beau's All Natural Brewing was releasing an IPA this year, I was skeptical it would be a true west coast one.

Beyond The Pale Brewing's Aromatherapy IPA is pretty
much the best Vermont-style IPA brewed in Ontario this
year. It's hazy and yucky-looking and totally delicious!

I figured there'd be some weird Belgian yeast festering in there or some all-organic fresh-from-the-field Eye of Newt in it. I mean, they're Beau's! They're known for their eclectic offerings. Which is what we love about them. So when it landed in my Beer Store, I took a bottle of their Full Time IPA home with me that night, as did coworker Jonny, figuring, "Hey, man, it's Beau's. It won't be what I'm expecting but it doesn't matter because they're always good." (Which is very true.) Well, spank my ass and call me Sailor Boy because holy crap, it was not only a true west coast IPA but it was a really really good one! In fact, of the initial 24 bottles we were sent, Jonny and I piled through 20 of them within the next few days. Anticipating that very thing, the morning after my first one, I called the brewery and had 48 more delivered that week. Good thing, too, as their stock depleted quickly and it was unavailable for a few weeks. Even the brewery didn't anticipate the humongous demand. Where to start? Okay, jacked with Simcoe, Cascade, Citra and Nelson Sauvin hops - all organic because that's the Beau's way - this 6.7%, 60 IBU hopbomb is a beast.

Indie Ale House only releases their Cockpuncher
Imperial IPA once or twice a year and they only
make 800 per batch. So you gotta be fast if you want
to enjoy this one. My day off timed with their release
date this year so I zipped into Toronto to grab some.

Tons of pine, citrus and tropical fruit on the nose, there's a huge fruit juiciness on the tongue and as the name indicates, just like Lug Tread, this baby is available year-round. Good thing too because it's a top-shelf IPA that I quite literally put on the top shelf of my beer fridge. How relevant is that? Not at all. Who cares? This is fantastic! (Previous Winners: Flying Monkeys' Smashbomb Atomic IPA, Nickel Brook Headstock IPA, Big Rig Alpha Bomb Unfiltered IPA)

Best New England Style IPA: This is a first time category because 2017 was the first year the hazy, funky east coast IPA style caught on with our brewers. And a healthy handful of them did it very well. But none moreso than Beyond The Pale Brewing with their Aromatherapy NEIPA. The Ottawa brewers use Citra and Mosaic hops in the initial boil before adding Amarillo and Centennial to the dry hopping. The result? A 6.5%, 55 IBU murky monster that bursts with a floral and citrus nose followed by a truckload of fruit and peach juiciness on the tongue. I can't wait for more brewers to hit the shelves with this style!

Best Imperial IPA: Well, it took me four years but I finally got my hands on some Indie Ale House Cockpuncher Imperial IPA. Why did it take so long? This beer is scarce and fleeting when it lands in their retail with extremely limited stock.

Toronto Maple Leafs superstar sophomore Auston Matthews
holds up a t-shirt I wish I owned. But I will be seeing Auston
and his crew on Sunday in Las Vegas for their first ever trip
to Sin City. I tell you, I think the Golden Knights will prove
to be up to the challenge as the expansion team is damn good!

But I finally got my hands on some this year and wow, it was worth the wait. At 11% and over 100 IBUs, they use 10 different hops in this and it'll take the top of your head off. Every possible fruit in this and any other known galaxy on the nose gives way to a pine tree punch in the gut on the tongue. Truly just an astounding beer. One of the country's best! (Previous Winners: Nickel Brook Immodest Imperial IPA, Innocente Two Night Stand Double IPA) 

Well, that's it for Part One but Part Two is coming soon where we'll look at the best porters, stouts, sours, barrel-aged beers, fruit beers, specialty beers and of course, the Beer of the Year! I'm off to Las Vegas tonight to catch the Toronto Maple Leafs play the Golden Knights on New Years Eve and while I will be taking my lap-top, Part Two may wait for my return due to "I'm in Vegas" reasons. But mindful of the fact that Vegas is an expansion team in the middle of a desert, I want to help their American fans with some common Canadian hockey cheers. Terms such as "Go hockey game!" Or "Yes, play sports!" Perhaps "Shoot the hamburger at the webbed cage!" And of course, "Elude the heavily-padded fellow guarding the cage and wearing the murder mask!" I'm all about helping those with a lesser understanding of hockey explore their potential as a true "Rink Rat." But guys and dolls, that's it, that's all and I am outta here. Until Best of 2017: Part Two, I remain...

Gordie Hound and the Mystery Box...

Greg (aka Cheesey) isn't always this much
taller than his beautiful wife, April, but I
know for a fact, he's not usually allowed
to wear full hockey equipment in their
house. So normally, she's a little closer
than just barely reaching his shoulder.

Because it's the day after Christmas, let's start this one off with a heart-warming story - The Tale Of Gordie Hound. That is not to be confused with the tail of Gordie Hound, which I'll wager was wagging plenty yesterday.

To set the stage, I will have to transport you to a lovely suburban enclave called Grosse Pointe Farms in Michigan, a tree-lined slice of Americana just outside Detroit.

The following story has a lot of heart to it because at the core of it all is my beautiful friend, April Cheesewright, who has a heart the size of the great outdoors. She is also the beloved wife of my high school buddy, Greg, aka Cheesey, also known for having a pretty big heart.

April was watching the Detroit FOX-2 News at the beginning of December when the story of Pluto came on. You see, Pluto was a Florida mixed-breed six-month-old puppy who was left abandoned after Hurricane Irma ripped through the state just weeks earlier. One day before Pluto was to be put down, he got rescued by the Detroit Happy Days Dogs and Cats Rescue team. And then the call went out on the news: Was anyone willing to rescue this runt-of-the-litter but love-filled puppy? Well, yeah, like I said, April was watching. So the two set down to the rescue shelter and happily interviewed to be Pluto's parents with 20 other willing families.

Cheesey gives Gordie some loving as he settled quickly
to his new home. Cheesey often takes him to work and
as President and CEO of Computech Corporation, it
turns out he's allowed to do exactly that. As for me, I
drink my coffee out of a Computech mug every day!

To the surprise of absolutely no one who grew up with Greg, the Cheesewrights were chosen. Just weeks before Christmas. But you know what? April was interviewed by so many media outlets that I'll let her tell the story now.

"For some reason, the look in his sad eyes and that sweet face just melted my heart. From the minute he got into the car, it's like he knew he was going to a forever home," April told mnn.com. "He was calm and snuggled right into my husband's lap and fell asleep so peacefully."

But while Pluto is a great name if you're a Disney dog or perhaps the Lord of the Underworld, it's not a very Cheesewright name. Hence, Pluto was rechristened as Gordie Hound, a tribute to Detroit Red Wing fan Greg's all-time favourite player.

But news of the adoption spread quickly on all media outlets! In fact, if you plug Gordie Hound into the Twitter search engine, dozens of links to the story and countless more "Congratulations" and "Thank you" comments pop up. It seems Gordie and his new parents were trending news, especially when the story first came out.

From one friend to another, here's my main man, Drunk Polkaroo, with
his Nickel Brook Mystery Pack on You-Tube about a week ago. It has
a light-ABV stout, a session New England IPA, a New England IPA
and a dry-hopped sour. So you know, the New England IPA is Beer C
and I am pretty insistent that you vote for it online. VERY insistent!!!

And given that it is the festive season, April couldn't help but add: "We feel as though Gordie is a gift to us. For whatever reason, the three of us are meant to be together."

Aww, so sweet. As the Cheesewrights played host to both me and my son back in the Summer, allow me to assure you that Gordie is now in a house that virtually overflows with love. I can't decide if it's the puppy or the Cheesewrights that win this story. Both, I would guess. And that's our heart-warming Christmas story to open this. I'm not crying... shut up, you're crying! You big baby.

Another key component to Christmas, as we all know, are gifts... or boxes that are wrapped in colourful paper to preserve their mystery until opened. Mystery packages, you might even call them...

For the purposes of securing sufficient votes for Beer
C in the Nickel Brook Mystery Pack, I borrowed the
speech made by Liam Neeson in the movie "Taken."
I suspect it will be more than enough to sway you all.

We all unwrapped these mystery packages today and then were wondering what the hell to do with all that wrapping paper. You could follow the example of my brother and me as children when we threw so much wrapping paper into the fireplace all at once one Christmas that we nearly started a chimney fire. Or you could not be idiots. The choice is up to you. And since we couldn't understand the problem as children, noting to our alarmed parents that fire already goes up the chimney so what's the difference... well, allow me to explain. Smoke is meant to go up a chimney to direct it out of your home. Fire is not. You see, chimney fires run so hot that it will likely do structural damage to your chimney and possibly ignite flammable parts of your house. I know that now. My brother nearly killed us all. (See how I stepped away from the whole nasty incident? Pretty smooth, eh?)

Well, there's another Mystery Pack that's on fire around here at the moment and it came courtesy of our good friends at Nickel Brook Brewing. They recently released a four-pack of mystery cans with only descriptions of each. No names, nada. Well, I suppose there are names: Beer A, B, C and D.

To all those voting, I hope you Can Clearly C the Choice is
obvious! You C, onCe you try all four, the differenCe Can be
easily determined as whiCh is the best of the paCk. I mean,
you are welCome to piCk what you want. I'm not trying to
influenCe you one way or the other. No, you Can deCide!

The names match the exact progression of my marks from the beginning to the end of high school. So I get it, Nickel Brook, as alcohol was heavily involved towards the end of my high school years, as well.

The premise of the Mystery Pack is that you try four different unknown beers and then vote online for the one you want to see added to their regular line-up. Simple enough, eh? Also a clever bit of marketing.

So let's go through them. Beer A is a 4.5% stout; Beer B at 4.5% is a New England-Style Session IPA; Beer C at 6% is a full-blown New England-Style IPA and Beer D is a 4% Dry-Hopped Sour, something of a specialty coming out of the Funk Labs at Nickel Brook this past year.

So, we're gonna skip Beer A for reasons you'll see below and start with Beer B - the session IPA. First of all, I am not sure why they are called "Session IPAs" when their ABV drops below 5%. Doesn't that just make them a nicely-hopped pale ale? The India portion has been removed! I mean, I'm no brewer but that has never made sense to me.

Has Nickel Brook already released Beer A to the
public, calling it Cheeky Bastard Stout? (Love
the label, by the way.) But this new stout just
landed at my Beer Store last week and, well, I
can't help but notice the similarities between
these two beers. Tis a remarkable thing indeed.

But they make the beer, not me, so I suppose they can call it what they wish. Even though it's a pale ale.

Okay, Beer B, the session, ahem, IPA, is a nice, light brew with some beautiful citrus on the nose and tongue, as well as the cloudiness we've come to associate with New England-style beers. This is your hockey beer right here. Not only will you make it to the end of the Maple Leafs game drinking this, you'll also be awake to see Auston Matthews chosen as the first star of the game. Even though this won't win the online polling, I do hope they release this as it's one of the few funky, hazy pale ales (yes, I said it!) I've had.

We're gonna skip Beer C, again you'll see why soon, and go directly to Beer D, the dry-hopped sour. At first, I thought, hey, just like their dry-hopped Gose, Duplicitous. But no, this was different. Because it is a Gose, Duplicitous has that salty edge. This didn't. Now the problem with having a sour in the Mystery Pack is that Nickel Brook's Funk Lab made so many good ones this year, including a wide array of different Uber Berliner Weisses in the Summer, that yet another sour is met with, well, indifference. It was good, tart, a bit thin but meh. I suspect the brewery already knows this will be the lowest in the polling.

Okay, full circle now and back to Beer A. When I was in the Nickel Brook Retail Shop, picking up this pack for myself and friends, I looked at the package with the beer descriptions and asked my main retail man, Robbie, "It says the stout is 4.5%, same as your Half Bastard Stout. Is it actually Half Bastard?"

Robbie said no. "It's similar, of course, because of the style but you could consider this a tweaked version." Fair enough. But then something odd happened. With our last Nickel Brook delivery mid-week before Christmas, their driver, Different Robbie, brought a new Nickel Brook product to put in our can coolers - their Cheeky Bastard Stout, which (hey, now) also clocks in at 4.5%.

I've run out of Mystery Pack photos so here's
my brew buddy, Tony Cox, whom my Beer Bro
Glenn had to concede was "the sexiest cellar-
man in Ontario" after his cellar-man Trevor
fled the Province to avoid Glenn's advances.
Also, Tony hates this photo so I like to use it.

Anyone else's Spider-Senses tingling? Or am I the only one here with those senses? (I had to eat a lot of spiders for this power, you know. Like thousands.)

Now I drank the two more than a week apart so unfortunately, I couldn't do side-by-side comparisons. But from my memory, yeah, pretty close to the same, if not identical. I love a low-ABV stout, mostly because the others I buy are in the 8%-10% zone. Nice to have a Winter Warmer that doesn't leave you flat on your ass. Nice tweaks of coffee and chocolate, thinner bodied but still tasty - both of them. But why would Nickel Brook include a (possibly) now-released beer in the Mystery Pack?

Well, that brings us to Beer C. I think they wanted to release Beer A (and also believe they now already have) because they knew there was no way it was gonna beat Beer C. Because this New England-Style is the muthah-fargin' bomb! It's a style that has been the Big Story of 2017 and as Nickel Brook only has one IPA on the market, my much-beloved Head Stock, I think they really wanted a hazy, fuzzy New England counter-part on the shelves beside it. So they brewed this guaranteed winner. Bursting with tropical fruit, the 6% zinger has that full body, hazy, crazy thickness to it that means this should come out easily as the Pack's Champion.

However, I noticed not everyone on Twitter agreed with me and had the audacity to select one of the other three.

Another Christmas at the Redmond household where
chimney fires are all the rage because my brother and
I think throwing ALL the wrapping paper at once
into the fireplace is both fun and cool. It is neither...

To that end, I have appropriated actor Liam Neeson's speech from the movie, Taken, and adjusted it to address my concerns. Now because the movie was about his kidnapped daughter, I will have to alter parts of it. My adjustments will be in brackets.

"I don't know who you are (beyond your Twitter handles.) I don't know what you want. If you are looking (to vote anything but Beer C), I can tell you (that you leave me little choice.) What I do have is a particular set of skills, skills I have acquired over a very long career. Skills that make me a nightmare for people like you. If you (vote for Beer C), that'll be the end of it. I will not look for you, I will not pursue you. But if you don't, I will look for you, I will find you and I will (pile more snow on your driveway with a dump truck.)" Yeah, the last little bit is actually about killing them which seems a bit extreme for a beer popularity contest. But the extra snow on the driveway? Yeah, that might kill them right there.

Okay, off to Las Vegas on December 29 so the Best of 2017 will run a little early over the next two days. But since I missed my former co-worker Marie's birthday on Christmas, I will say this to her! Sorry, it's the Manger Kid's birthday first. What a sucky birthday you have! Okay, guys and dolls, back tomorrow but for now, that's it, that's all and I am outta here. Until then, I remain...

Garnett Gerry bids adieu to Great Lakes

I gotta be honest. Of all the people I've met in the Ontario Craft Beer
industry, the most excited I've been to meet was Garnett Gerry, the
artist behind all those Great Lakes Brewing cartoon labels. The bright,
colourful characters he has created - Gordie Levesque, Roland Baggetts
and more - will always be touchstones of our craft beer culture here.

There's always that one surprise meeting that makes you feel a lot like something of a fanboy.

During the past year, I have met a lot of key players in the Ontario Craft Beer World.

I met Peter Bulut, the owner and "Chief Brewing Officer" of Great Lakes Brewing when I popped into their retail on February 12th, their 30th birthday with a chocolate-caramel cake - you know, just like a stout but in solid form. And without the alcohol. But almost as good as beer. Without thinking, I bought the cake at a Walmart, rather than a small independent bakery in Burlington. It may as well have been baked by AB-InBev itself. Dumb-ass move. (Don't worry - I have lots more of those in me.) But unlike Bud Light, at least it was very damn tasty.

After a few years of knowing him through Twitter messaging, I finally met my old buddy, Brian Wilson, the brewmaster at Highlander Brew Co. when our Boys Weekends resumed in tiny South River, Ontario.

You'd have to live under a log, though not one of
those he's floating down the rapids on, NOT to
recognize THE Gordie Levesque, one of Garnett's
greatest creations. He adorns the cans of their
classic Canuck Pale Ale, as well as a few others.

Hell, just a couple of weeks ago, I met two of the three owners of Brock Street Brewing - Mark Woitzik and Victor Leone - as well as one of the owners at 5 Paddles Brewing, Spencer McCormack, when we held the Whitby Craft Brewery Invasion 2017. Super dudes, one and all.

There's been many more but I'd have to think about it and if you've ever read this, you've likely come to realize thinking only slow me down. But that's the thing about Ontario Craft Beer. Everyone is accessible. Everyone is happy to talk to a customer and fan. Everyone is a Regular Joe or Josephine. Or given our fast-paced times, Regular Name Withheld As Gender Still Undetermined. It's all good, man.

But meandering to the point (as I do), the person I was the most excited to meet this year was Garnett Gerry, the young dude who, in tandem with Great Lakes Brewing graphic designer Fabian Skidmore, created all those cool GLB labels. Way back in January 2016, I wrote about how these two got together and rebranded the GLB line-up.

The first time I saw Roland Baggetts was on a painted
labels of a 650-ml (22 ounces) bottle of Great Lakes'
Lake Effects IPA back in 2014. What I did not know
and Garnett later confirmed to me was that this was
the first attempt at the label. The brewery loved it.

It was, frankly, a brilliant piece of prose. Take my word for it. I think I won the Pulitzer Prize. *Checks notes* No, I didn't but that same week, I did win a free bagel at Timmies' Roll Up The Rim. Which is just as well because you can't eat a Pulitzer. The last time, I couldn't even trade a Pulitzer for food because as the convenience store owner kept braying it wasn't "legal tender" and "You have to wear clothes to be in here!" Bet you an Oscar would get you at least a cheeseburger. And a pair of shorts.

But I met Garnett at the Great Lakes Brewing 30th Anniversary Party in Toronto at The Antler Room back in February. (Man, that kicked ass!) He walked by my table and I thought to myself, "Holy crap, is that super-talented GLB label artist Garnett Gerry, the man with the first name last and the last name first?" (And this is why I don't stop to think... because this is the stupid-ass place my brain goes!) You have to understand, as a total comic book geek, of course, I would be the most excited by a long stretch to meet the cool artist drawing all those sick Great Lakes labels!

GLB social media main man Troy Burtch shot a video
when brewery super-fan Nik Cole had the art from
Lake Effects IPA tattooed on his arm less than a week
ago. Cole went into Wolves Throne Tattoo in Toronto
where owner Michael Dibastiano did all the ink-work.

I had probably only had one (or five) beer at that point so I was thinking about how to go introduce myself without sounding like an idiot (yeah, never works) and the next thing I know, he's tapping me on the shoulder and asking, "Do you write a blog?" Well, cash me outside, how bow dah? Turns out he recognized me, too, because I had written about him. The thing is I started this little hunk-of-weird column in June 2013 and those Garnett Gerry labels started showing up very shortly afterwards. So his work has been pretty much with me for my entire craft beer ride.

We talked briefly at the Great Lakes Anniversary Party and, shit, he was pretty damn cool. He was clearly happy to meet a fan and appreciative of my words in the past. Just a fun, humble dude with 18 tons of talent.

So anyway, when I saw the Toronto Star's editorial cartoonist Patrick Corrigan had drawn a couple of recent GLB labels, my Spider-Sense was going off big-time. That could mean only one of two things. That Garnett Gerry had moved along to other things. Or that Doc Octopus had just robbed a bank. Turns out it was the first one. Gotta say, more than a little bummed.

The first time I talked to Garnett Gerry and
gave him the Sophie's Choice of questions -
"What's your favourite label?" - he said it
was Saison Dupump. Yes, it's a pumpkin beer
so a cool label like this is kinda like lipstick on
a pig. But he said it was a first draft that ran!
Also it's still his favourite just so you know...

Don't get me wrong. I suspect Patrick will be really great in this new role and the GLB labels will still have that fun feel... absolutely! But his first name and his last name are in the right order. I don't know what to do with that? It's all so confusing.

But in my last column, I had to say goodbye to my favourite craft beer bar, Rib Eye Jack's Ale House in Burlington and now in this one... my favourite label artist? Now I know they say the universe never throws more at you than you can handle... but if the universe could hold off now until about, oh say, next June? Yeah, that'd be great.

(A Quick "The Universe Is All Connected" Sidebar: Whenever a new GLB keg of their latest IPA came into Rib Eye Jack's, Kylie, my favourite Beer Technician was always torn in bittersweet throws. Why? "The beer is always so good, no one tries any of the other kegs!" Life can be harsh, kids.)

Naturally, I sought Garnett out to find out what the dillio was going on and he got back to me quickly. Turns out the dude wants to concentrate on his Mr. Toon business and see where that goes. Follow him on Instagram so you can say you knew him way back when - @mr.toon_gg  But it just turns out, like many of us, he was simply ready for a change. (Frankly, I'm ready for the big life change a lottery win would bring me.)

Ask people their favourite Great Lakes Brewing
label and nine out of 10 will say "Octopus Wants To
Fight IPA." Not me. I loved Maniacal Hopshop IPA
because I often call brewers "mad scientists" in this
space and I think I maybe got it from this label here.

But back to Garnett: "Yeah, after years of doing work for GLB, I was done creatively and would like to put all my focus on Mr. Toon." 

Okay, though, dude, let's look back at the past few years. Gimme a fun Great Lakes Brewing memory, Garnett. "One of my favourite moments was the first party at the Loose Moose (in downtown Toronto) for a (Great Lakes Brewing) Tap Takeover. It was cool seeing all my work everywhere, getting asked to autograph posters and just straight-up party like a rock star."

As for Mr. Toon, he's ready to rock it. "I'm slowly working on merchandise, like hats, hoodies and shirts. And, also at the moment, I'm looking into (art) shows and more walls for me to work on." (The man loves doing him some murals.)

Okay, brother, any final thoughts on your place in Ontario craft beer? "I'm really happy and proud to have been a part of Great Lakes Brewing and working on all those labels." And there you go.

So you know, our man Garnett, Windsor-born-and-raised, went to Fanshawe College in London to become an actor.

What I loved about this Patrick Corrigan label for this GLB
beer? Look at the mantle. All nods to Garnett Gerry's labels!
That is a seriously cool gesture. Patrick, welcome aboard! We
are all eager to see what you draw for our favourite brewery.

That didn't happen so he came to Toronto, started working construction and draws in his spare time. The story behind the story. And probably his Tinder profile.

Right now, he is working on getting a domain for a website, which every business, artistic or otherwise, truly needs and when he gets that all set up, I will happily pass it along for his many fans, of which I am clearly one. But for now, you can find him on Facebook (Garnett Gerry), Instagram as mentioned above or Twitter where he's Mr.Toon @garnettgerry. So follow him because Canadian artists need lots of support and followers. But not stalkers. No one needs those.

He'll post whenever he has a showing and despite having a full-time job, he still manages to find time to sketch. "On my lunch break, after work and any free time at all, I'm drawing for GLB or just for shits and giggles," he told me the first time we talked. (Remember, people, shits and giggles are all very well and good... until you giggle and shit. That's considerably less fun.)

It was a love destined for heart-break when Mr.
Toon met Princess Peach at a recent Fan Expo in
Toronto. Though he had her safely in his arms,
when new danger loomed, Mario and Luigi came
swooping in to grab her and whisked her away...

So how about the new kid on the GLB label block, this Patrick fellow? Well, if you live in Toronto, he ain't new or a kid to you. Patrick has been one of the core Toronto Star editorial cartoonists since 1992 so he been a mainstay on that page for 25 years now. Prior to that, he was the paper's staff illustrator since 1983 and prior to that, lessee now, the Ontario College of Art graduate was a cab driver, health food store owner and even a dishwasher on the Canadian National Railways train between here and Winnipeg. So this dude has been around.

But I had to go to Troy Burtch, GLB's social media and marketing guru, to ask how they managed to land such a big-name artist. Troy got back to me with this answer. "I know him and asked." Okay, that was a little easier than I had imagined. While Garnett's GLB beverage of choice was Thrust! An IPA, Troy tells me that Patrick leans towards their Audrey Hopburn Belgian IPA, as well as all their other IPAs. So, like all of us, eh?

But lemme tell you that on New Year's Eve, I'll be down in Las Vegas watching our Toronto Maple Leafs play their first ever game in Sin City. But prior to the game, I will be wearing my GLB Canuck Pale Ale shirt featuring the legendary Gordie Levesque as I am a proud member of Gordie's Legion on Facebook. And if anyone asks me what my shirt is, I'm totally gonna say, "What, this old thing? Yeah, it's a Garnett Gerry original." I'm not afraid to throw the big names around. Let those Americans know we have a few frikkin' fashion icons up here, too. But guys and dolls, that's it, that's all and I am outta here! Until next time, I remain...

It's the "end of an era" in Burlington

Happy participants lined up in front of Rib Eye Jack's Ale House, prior
to their most recent Beer Fest. The Burlington landmark and craft beer
oasis recently shut down after years of existence. I don't know how many
years so I am leaving that intentionally open-ended. Many years. Many.

This is the story about a bar.

Now I know what you're thinking... There are like hundreds of thousands of bars in the world. What could you possibly have to say about another?

Well, lemme tell you. This bar was a little different than the others. Because this was my bar! The place where everybody knew my name. Oh, I've had others in the past... but not like this one.

I first walked into Rib Eye Jack's Ale House back in November 2014. Former coworker Gordo and I were summons there by another former coworker Marie as that's where they were celebrating her boy-toy Ernie's birthday. Ernie was turning, I believe, 23 while Marie was in her 40s. It was all very scandalous, a little bit "You go, girl!" and not at all true (but Fake News is big these days so...)

On my way over, Marie excitedly texted me that "There must be 200 different craft beers here!" A bit of hyperbole, yes, but when I arrived and looked at the menu, there did seem to be nearly 100 for sure.

Now before I go any further, I will give you the ending of this story. Rib Eye Jack's closed its doors in both its Burlington and Streetsville locations on December 1st.

This would be Rib Eye Jack's Beer Technician Kylie putting a
Burlington Beer Festival magnetic door sticker on my car many
years ago. I told readers that Kylie would be there one of the
three days for the Beer Fest but refused to say which so if they
wanted to meet her, it would be best to attend all three days.  She
did show up on Sunday, the muddiest day, all dressed in white.

So why am I telling this long-winded story? Because it was my favourite bar and I'll be damned if I let it go out with a whimper, rather than a big Earth-shattering *BANG!!* It deserves no less.

And to do that, we must return back to that November 2014 night and start from the beginning. Now's the time to crack a cold beer, maybe get a snack. Smoke 'em if you got 'em...

Gordo and I landed at Rib Eye Jack's at exactly the same time that night, mostly because he's a freaky stalker who follows me everywhere. (Yeah, I get that same shiver. Creepy, eh?) While we were at Marie and Ernie's table, we figured we'd wander to the bar. We only wanted beer and that would be faster than waiting for the table's server.

At the bar was a bright-eyed and friendly young lady named Kylie. Her tag said she was the "Beer Technician" and having had only been writing this for a year and change, I had to ask what that meant as there was beer terminology I was still learning (and continue to do so.) "It means I'm well-versed in the beers we serve" she smiled.

Gordo immediately spotted their Coors Light tap and said in jest, "Hey, Don, look what I can order!" I instantly shot him an Evil Death Stare so he wisely opted for a pint of Steam Whistle Pilsner, instead. But I asked Kylie about the Coors Light taps and she sighed a little. "Yeah, we get a lot of company parties in here so you have to have that one beer tap that doesn't scare them."

Now beautiful young Cara here, happily posing behind my
Duchesse De Bourgogne Flanders Red Sour, is another
story. I deliberately made sure she was working my table
when we celebrated my birthday there in 2016 for a very
specific reason. But you'll have to read the story for that.

Beside it was the Pabst Blue Ribbon tap (later Heineken) for those who want a macro with a little more oomph. When the bar opened, PBR still had some hipster cred.

But the balance of the taps? All Ontario craft beer... and good ones! For the record, my very first beer at Rib Eye Jack's was a Bellwoods' Witchshark Imperial IPA. Bottles of it and other great beers to my liking were in the fridge. But even that initial 15-minute conversation with Kylie made me realize she was also well-versed in beers that went far beyond the bar's confines. We started talking about American craft beers we had tried and enjoyed, as well as those closer to home. She was in her early-20s at that point and it was pretty clear that she knew a helluva lot more about craft beers than I did.

From that point on, all of our conversations went something like this: "How was your day?" "Good and yours?" "Great... so anyway I found this new beer..."

For Halloween 2014, Kylie dressed up
as the lady on the label of Nickel Brooks'
Naughty Neighbour American Pale Ale.
The label has since switched to another
but I always liked this first one better.

The briefest of pleasant salutations and hello's and then right into beer. From that point on, Kylie became an invaluable source to me and this little column you are reading, always pointing me in the direction of new and great craft beers. As a true hophead, she always knew the best new IPAs and Imperial IPAs that had just come out though like me, she roamed freely through other darker beer styles, as well.

Now when I met her, she may have been best-known for her job at Rib Eye Jack's but she was also studying to become a nurse. She successfully completed that within a couple of years, landing employment in her specialized field but still kept doing some shifts at the bar. Especially Thursday nights when the bar held its weekly Cask Night. That night every week, Kylie would tap a cask sent to the bar by some of the best-known names in Ontario craft beer - Nickel Brook, Muskoka, Flying Monkeys and Innocente were the usual cask leaders on Thursday nights but many others found their place in the bar on that night. And when Kylie tapped that cask, there was a large ship's bell that she would ring to let patrons know the cask festivities had begun.

Absolutely no one brought more spirit, more comradery, more enthusiasm and more fun into that place than Kylie did on her tiny shoulders and despite the pressure of an often-packed and hectic bar, I suspect no one will miss it more. On December 1st, when the owners shut the doors for good, Kylie's Facebook status was simply: "It's the end of an era."

Tiffers (who actually goes by Tiffany) plays with the
grandson of regular George, who had passed away.
The bar held his wake and because all of us loved
George, it was jammed. But no one was hit harder
by his sad death than Tiffers. Her softer side really
came out in the days leading up to his passing away.

But there were others there that made the place a blast, as well. Just before Christmas 2015, I noticed pretty young Cara scrambling to find a date for their Christmas Party. Given her sweet disposition, big smile and beautiful eyes, I was a little stunned she was having any trouble in that department. I suggested a young coworker of mine who had been in with me several times but when I said his name, she confessed she had no idea who that was.

Now by this point, I had become friends with the General Manager Steve (more on that big lug in a minute.) So a couple of times when we went out for a smoke, I would ask about Cara, who he knew quite well. At one point, he started to get a little leery of my questions - no doubt thinking I was asking for myself. Not exactly. I had a different plan in mind.

You see, when I celebrated my birthday at the bar in February 2016, I made sure of two things. 1) That Cara was working, And 2) That my Beer Store coworker Jay-Dawg was there. With all the stars in alignment, I began praising Jay's attributes to Cara that night. It started simply. "Hey, Cara, did you know my friend Jay here has his own condo?" "Hey, Cara, did you know my friend Jay here has a great job?" "Hey, Cara, did you know my friend Jay here has his own wheels?"

I got a shout-out on Instagram when my Muskoka
Beer rep, Vince Cusick, attended the 2016 Rib Eye
Jack's Beer Fest with all proceeds going to the local
Joseph Brant Hospital. Steve always rocked those!

Now by the end of the evening after I piled back beer after beer, my claims were getting a little outrageous. By the end, I drunkenly said, "Hey, Cara, did you know my friend Jay here is filthy rich?" He's not, of course, but it turned out the lure of a handsome, gainfully employed guy with his own place and truck was enough for her. The next time I was in, Cara asked me point-blank, "Donny, are you sure your friend Jay is single? He's on Tinder!" When I pointed out that yes, I knew him very well, he was absolutely single and in case she forgot, she, too, was also on Tinder, just like many single people, she seemed happy with my answer. She trusted me not to try and hook her up with a player. That was enough.

The second she inquired about his availability, I was immediately on my phone, texting to Jay who, in turn, wasted little time landing in the bar seat beside her when she was off duty. They had their first date that weekend and have been together ever since. I also won Wingman of the Year for 2016. Just doin' my job... workin' the game.

And then there was Tiffers. Crap on a cross, was this hyper-active lady ever a fire-cracker.

Here's a couple of cool dudes. That's Nickel Brook
owner John Romano on the left and Steve, former
GM of Rib Eye Jack's Ale House on the right. This
picture was taken at the Grand Opening Party for
Nickel Brook and Collective Arts when they shared
the old Lakeport brewery a couple of years back.

She was the only server there even remotely close to my age and even then there was nearly a two decade gap. That shows you how young the other servers were, as well as how ancient I am. Now Tiffers looked like a yoga instructor - this chick was buff. And she bounced around behind the bar like she was constantly spiking on adrenaline. Just a ball of kinetic energy. The older customers loved her because she had her flirtatious and coy game happening big-time. (Guys, smarten the hell up - they work for tips!) And if the boss wasn't around, well, she wasn't opposed to having the odd shot - and then another and another - of her beloved Jameson's Irish Whiskey. I suspect GM Steve knew all too well and simply looked the other way.

I was always quite fond of Tiffers as she, too, had gone through school for Journalism. Unlike me, who slogged it out for years at low-paying newspaper gigs, she wisely went in a different direction - public relations for a major hotel chain - when she was done. But I saw a sweeter, softer side to this pretty fire-ball when one of the regulars, George, suffered a serious stroke. Tiffers went to the hospital to keep him company every day, even though the stroke robbed him of his speech. Eventually he succumbed, passing away so she contacted his family to suggest his wake be held at Rib Eye Jack's, his home away from home. It was and it was packed. But I remember it all too well. Tiffers was absolutely gutted by George's passing.

CUTLINE UPDATE! That's Cara and me on the left, then
Jon, Rob (who gave me the names), Scott, then Kylie on the
right and hidden behind her is Heather when we headed
to the Streetsville Rib Eye Jack's Beer Fest a couple of years
ago. Regardless of which one, that bar was always a party!

And that brings us to GM Steve, who became a pretty good friend of mine over the years. Steve loved his trips to the United States to visit various really well-known craft breweries. Steve is a certified wine sommelier but boy, did he know his craft beer. Before I first met him, Kylie pointed him out to me and said, "If you think I know craft beer, you should talk to Steve." So I did and yeah, he really knew his shit. Steve got me my first The Alchemist Brewing's Heady Topper Imperial IPA, as well as my first Russian River Brewing's Pliny The Elder Imperial IPA - the two most sought-after beers in America. Because of his sommelier background and expertise, Steve could notice even the slightest shift in a beer's recipe from one year to the next. I certainly couldn't. And those were just two of the dozens he handed me over the years.

Steve came across at first as a bit stuffy. But once you knew him, a totally different story. He's a cool but low-key dude. You'd never make him laugh out loud (I tried and I'm damn good at it) but if you got an honest chuckle out of him, hey, man, same thing.

Whenever Beer Bro Glenn came into Burlington from
Oshawa, we made a point of going to Rib Eye Jack's.
Glenn loved the beer selection, the ambiance and like
most guys, the lovely young ladies serving the beer.

But Steve's real strength, to my eyes, was the sway he had within the Ontario Craft Beer industry. Every October, Rib Eye Jack's held their annual Craft Beer Fest with all proceeds going to the Joseph Brant (Hospital) Memorial Foundation, our local hospital in Burlington. Steve was not only able to convince various and sundry big and smaller Ontario craft brewers to attend but also to donate their staff and beer to the cause. And every year on that October day, man, was it a blast. We all paid our $35 and from noon to 4 pm drank like possessed demons and feasted like kings as Steve's kitchen staff trying their best to keep up with the ravenous hordes. It was quite frankly Jay-Dawg, his brother Jonny and my favourite day of the year.

I remember poor Cara having to work the event every year while our entourage, including her now-boyfriend, partied our brains out. I always felt badly for her... but copious amounts of beer helped me get past that quickly. Good craft beer truly is the best healer. I also remember - and I can tell this story now - Kylie attending the event and then having to work a full shift at the bar afterwards. Being as she weighs maybe 90 pounds, she may have been feeling not-so-much pain that shift. Like, none at all.

One of my favourite Nickel Brookers, Aimee, worked
the Rib Eye Jack's Beer Fest one year and jokingly
asked me, "Hey, Don, have you ever tried Headstock
IPA? I think you'd like it." Whereas now she is the
brewery's lead sales rep for the Golden Horseshoe
Area, she was the one pouring my growlers before
she landed that job. She knew I was a pretty big fan.

Now I'm not going to go into any speculation about why it closed because that's not relevant. People lost their jobs so passing along second, third and fourth-hand gossip would be pointless and insensitive. But my friends had a few theories and all fingers pointed directly at me.

"Did they shut down because you moved from Burlington to Oakville?" asked coworker Patchy. Beer Bro Glenn didn't even pose it as a question but rather as an accusation. "You bastard! You jerk! Because you moved, they went under!" Glenn really loved that place.

All restaurants-bars eventually go down because no one stays in the public's favour forever. There's always gonna be newer, hipper places opening. They'll never be as great or cool as Rib Eye Jack's but the public at large is easily hoodwinked by the latest shiny bauble. But it was and will likely always be my favourite place ever. It was quite a fun family and you never forget that. On a final note, Tiffers, with several Jameson's under her belt one night, insisted I tell her who my favourite server was. I diplomatically said I loved them all equally. She kept pressing. I kept resisting. I'm more stubborn than she is insistent. Tiffers, I can finally tell you now. Love ya to bits... but of course it was Kylie. No one knew their craft beer like Kylie. Also as you can see from the photo, she made my crappy car look good! So farewell to an old and true friend. There was no place... like this place... any place! And that won't change anytime soon. But guys and dolls, that's it, that's all and I am outta here. Until next time, I remain...