Colourblindness... the superpower!

Stop me if you've heard this one. So anyway, Clark Kent gets into an elevator
and see the skeletons of, from left, Lois Lane, Jimmy Olsen and Perry White.
Because he forgot to turn off his damn X-Ray Vision. Rookie mistake, Supes.

I have mentioned in this space in the past that I am colourblind so I won't be going into any great detail on that today.

To recap quickly. Yes, I can see in colour. No, my world is not 50 Shades of Grey (either through my eyes or apparently, my social life.) What I have is called Red-Green Deficiency. That means I have problems telling some shades of red, green and brown apart, as well as blue and purple. That's about it.

Oh... one more thing. No, I don't wanna guess what stupid colour your stupid shirt is. That's mostly because I don't give a damn what colour your shirt is so please know this. I will always answer "purple" if you ask me. Point to the sun, a tree or even a squirrel? "Purple." Bleeding because I stabbed you repeatedly after you asked that damn question. Your blood is "purple."

Show me a picture of Prince in concert? Well, okay, that's a trick question. You're all rotten Colour Sighted Bastards, which I will now abbreviate to CSBs because being colourblind is exceptionally tiring on the typing fingers. Both of them.

Behold the fine-tipped Yellow Sharpie!
It exists only to increase the quality of
life for those of us who are colourblind.

(Random CSBs Fact: 92% of all male crime is committed by CSBs. Yeah, sure, that's also your exact percentage of the male population but numbers don't lie. You're all thieves, crooks and generally speaking, no-good-niks.)

But my coworker Trey and I discovered something quite interesting about my colourblindness very recently. There are certain shades of certain colours I see even more clearly than you evil CSBs. Now in fairness, Trey is used to me using my colourblindness as an excuse for all my misdeeds. Three hours late for work? "Hey, sorry, man, at a traffic signal for hours. Couldn't tell when it changed to 'go'." Dropped a case of beer on an old lady's toes? "She was wearing red shoes. Couldn't see them."

However, one day he was changing the marking pen of a clipboard used for keeping a tally of empties and I said, "Make it yellow or orange. I see those the best." This piqued his curiosity so he took a fine-tipped Yellow Sharpie and wrote something on a piece of paper. When I read it easily (whereas you CSBs might struggle because of its light hue and the fact you're all weak and complacent), we realized, well, hey now Hank, there's shades I actually see better than y'all.

Here's proof I could easily take down Green Lantern. His
power ring doesn't work on anything yellow. I mean, that
is little Robin laying a beating on him because he painted
himself in yellow. Box of Yellow Sharpies and GL's done! 

I now call this clear gift to mankind my "Super Vision" and here's why. We all know that Superman's X-Ray Vision cannot see through lead, right? So what does Lex Luthor do when he wants to plant six bombs around Metropolis? He puts them in lead casings, of course, so that Superman can't see them. Well, here's the problem with that little theory and also why I would be a far superior evil genius than Lex. Because Superman can see through everything except lead, guess what stands out like a beacon when he's using his X-Ray Vision? Duh, Lex! Lead! Just leave the damn bombs uncovered in men's room stalls across Metropolis and Superman will look right through them, too! I mean, unless as an evil villain, you prefer Superman rounding all the bombs up in 3.5 seconds and lobbing them into the Sun. That's probably why Superman always wins. What's transparently obvious (literally, in the case) is beyond your average evil villain's grasp.

Now some of you CSBs may mock and ridicule me for comparing my Super Vision to Superman's X-Ray Vision. Please know I have been mocked and ridiculed before and...

Okay, Ghost Orchid used to be a pale ale released by
Bellwoods until they goosed it up and re-released it as
this damn tasty little IPA. Another winner from them.

Well, actually, that's it. That just seems to happen to me a lot.

Okay, enough chatter about my Super Vision and time to talk shop about some beers! First on deck, we have not one but two offerings from Rib Eye Jack's Ale House's GM Steve. Both are from Toronto's "can-brew-no-wrong" Bellwoods Brewery and these are always winners with craft beer lovers.

Now I will be describing the beers' colours myself as we go along but will employ RateBeer users' descriptions as back-up in case I'm mistaken. First on deck is their recently-released Ghost Orchid IPA, a 6.3% mother-pucker. Okay, look at the lovely emerald green pour. My back-up RateBeer eyes called it "bright orange"... then "hazy golden-yellow"... then "cloudy golden orange." This leads me to ask but one question: Do you CSBs even see colours the same way?? Seriously??

Back to Ghost Orchid (as I understand it, orchids are usually purple or pink so even Bellwoods is playing me). This used to be one of their pale ales but they threw a ton of Mosaic, Simcoe and Nelson Sauvin hops into the vat and goosed it up to a full-blown IPA.

Two things. Okay, 1) this was the haziest glass of
deliciousness I have had in quite some time. And
2) I really need a Bellwoods' glass. Although bless
my Collective Arts' Spiegelau for stepping up here

This had a nice whiff of pineapple on the nose while on the tongue, that faded and was replaced with grapefruit and a sly touch of orange. This is a damn tasty IPA, made by the folks who crank out Witchshark Imperial IPA, one of my all-time favourites. I was very happy with this one until I became ecstatic with the next one...

Great Caesar's Ghost, Kent, their Monogamy Double Dry-Hopped IPA was a barn-burner. Truth to tell, this was the one both Steve and myself were eyeing with lust before his trip to the brewery. Now the 19th incarnation of Monogamy (each with a different hop profile), this version was the best version I've had though I think I've only had four of the other 18. It's tough to keep up with Bellwoods, Tagged at the bottom of the label as an "Idaho 7 Hop Hash", I don't need RateBeer's eyes to tell me this was a thick, hazy orange pour that looks like it was created by the folks at Tropicana rather than Bellwoods. This is now the second substance that Superman's X-Ray Vision cannot see through. When I posted its picture on Twitter, my Beer Buddy Hago drooled, "When it looks like orange juice, I get excited."

With good reason, Hago, because damn, this was outstanding!

When Junction Craft Brewery veers off the
track with specialty releases, it's always good
news. This Cascadian Dark Ale and Imperial
Black Ale were both great. The real question
here is: Which is in the glass? I took the damn
picture and I forget. But I do know it's black!

At 6.4%, this was all papaya on the nose with a huge wallop of grapefruit and pine on the tongue. You like your east-coast, Vermont-style IPAs? Well, Bellwoods delivered a beauty with this bad boy. When Jimi Hendrix sang Purple Haze, that was his colourblind tribute to this beer. Hazy, crazy and one of the best I've had in 2017.

Okay, I have to veer briefly off the IPA Path because Drunk Polkaroo and his lovely wife, Kat, brought me so many on St Paddy's Day that their gift will happily sung about (though with poor pitch) in the next few columns and there are other styles in the world. Not as important as IPAs, mind you, but I don't want you CSBs thinking that those of us with Super Vision aren't well-rounded individuals who also enjoy many facets of... yeah, no idea where I was going with this.

A recent trip to Junction Craft Brewing saw me bring back a pair of their specialty releases, the Cascadian Dark Ale and the Imperial Black Ale, both brewed as part of their Destructor Series (okay, that's just a cool name). Once again, no need for the helpful eyes at RateBeer when it comes to colour here. One was black; the other similarly black. Together, they are Back In Black (♫ I hit the sack. It's been too long. I'm glad to be back...) Okay, getting myself Back On Track here, let's start with the Imperial Black Ale which was, this time, aged in red wine barrels with bourbon barrels on deck for the next batch. At 9% and 64 IBUs (international bitterness units), this ain't your Grandpa's ale. Or your father's for that matter.

Every year, it seems like our friends at Flying Monkeys in Barrie had a
big sweet imperial stout for us. Always in a colourful (yeah, thanks for
that) box, this year was no different as their Aurora Heart Chocolate
Raspberry Stouts hit the LCBO shelves recently. It's a sweet thang...

No, this level of bad-assery (it's a word - ask anyone) is meant for the modern palates of those with discerning tastes. And also, for guys like me. With that IBU count, this might fall shy of being called a black IPA but it was not quiet in taste. A light sweetness on the nose that I would attribute to the wine barrels, this was mostly bitter coffee and licorice on the tongue. Also, while I'd have to check, it could be the first imperial ale I have had. Certainly, the first black one. It's a Dandy Andy!

The 7%, 67 IBU Cascadian Dark Ale is meant to be more of an IPA style though I've never thought of them that way. That doesn't mean I don't have mucho love for the Cascadian style, mind you.

From our good friends up there in tiny Hanover, Ontario, MacLean's Ales
is continuing to crank out new beauties. I enjoyed their Pale Ale at the
first Burlington Beer Festival in the Summer of 2014 and as you can see,
they just keep adding on to the line-up. Hats off to Charles Maclean, the
elder statesman of Ontario Craft Beer, as he continues to expand things.

With this Cascadian, there was a whiff of hoppiness on the nose... but none on the tongue. No matter. Much more chocolate on the tongue (likely due to the malts used), I enjoyed this just a touch better than its imperial ale counterpart. Both were top-notch but I tell you, with each passing day, I become more and more impressed with the specialty beers coming out of this brewery.

I remember when I first met the brew crew from MacLean's Ales from Hanover, Ontario. It was at the inaugural Burlington Beer Festival in Spencer Smith Park back in July 2014. Manning their booth was assistant brewer Mike with Marketing Manager Curtis.

Way back in the Summer of 2014, my main MacLean's
man Curtis gave me a perfect pour of that tasty-ass pale
ale at the Toronto Festival of Beer. Great gang there!

The guys told me the story of brewmaster George MacLean who started his outfit back in 1993 after returning to Canada from Britain. Unhappy with the quality of the Canadian macros, he just started contract-brewing his own Pale Ale, which eventually became something bigger in 2014 when he and two partners built the brewery, now standing in Hanover.

I happily sampled both the Pale Ale and Farmhouse Blonde that day (the latter came out of "retirement" for the event but is now back in a big way.) But I loved seeing the old-school Maclean's 500-ml (17 ounce) bottle when they released their Luck & Charm Oatmeal Stout late last year. I am once again calling the colour on this one again. Black. Due to my Super Vision, I am very proficient in describing the black genre of beer pours. Hell, I can do it in one word. I got some really nice toffee and molasses on the nose of this 5.6% stout followed by almost an expresso bitterness on the back end of the tongue which was mostly chocolate and nutty. Great little stout!

Okay, I am very deliberately ending this with some great folks at breweries up there in Barrie as they have been buzz-bombing me on Twitter.

Redline Brewing's Clutch Pale Ale has
become my go-to at Rib Eye Jack's in
Burlington. At 4.8% and 42 IBUs, I
recently declared on Twitter that this was
the best American Pale Ale in Ontario at
this exact moment, leading to more news!

It all started with Drunk Polkaroo's week-long adventure with his lovely wife, Kat, on their recent 2017 Polkapalooza trip where they visited 50 breweries and drove some 2,700 kilometres (1,680 miles) through the Province. When they were approaching Barrie, there were, of course, three stops: Redline Brewing, Flying Monkeys Brewing and Barnstormer Brewing. Our mutual man of military might, Hago, awaited their arrival at one of those places (Redline, I think) and posted a picture on Twitter of himself, tipping back a pint. Realizing the time factor, Polk had to tweet that they might not make it to him as the clock ticked down. That, in turn, lead me to tweet that we'd all take a trip up to Barrie when the weather broke and get together. Fortunately, Polk soon posted a picture of them connecting. Happy ending, right? Well, this story does not end there.

That was March 14. Four days later, Barnstormer posted a tweet, asking Hago and I if we got that Barrie trip in yet. That simple question seemed to call the Barnstormer Army to arms as it got liked and retweeted too many times to count. Even Hago was baffled, asking, "How is this getting so much traffic?" Clearly, neither of us is used to receiving much attention. Okay, fast-forward to a few days ago when I tweeted a picture of Redline's Clutch American Pale Ale from the tap at Rib Eye Jack's Ale House in Burlington and called it the best APA in Ontario at the moment. That lead Hago to tell me that I should keep an eye open for their Double Clutch Double IPA. Well, of course! But then, Kaitlyn from Redline (I knew her in her Flying Monkeys days) jumped in, noting that Double Clutch would be arriving at Rib Eye Jack's in the near future!

Here's the picture Hago posted on Twitter as he was
awaiting the arrival of Drunk Polkaroo and the lovely
Kat, Polk's beloved navigator. It's as hazy as the beer!

(I originally had her in here as still working at Flying Monkeys. Rib Eye Steve corrected me. He corrects me about 17 times a week. Usually because I can't tell red from green.)

Well, I don't know what to say about these three Barrie craft breweries other than, well, I will be driving to your ♫ Funky Town! And yes, it'll be sooner rather than later. Trust me when I say, if Hago had to drive down to Burlington and haul my scrawny ass up there himself, he'll make this happen. Also he's a military guy and I'm too afraid not to follow his orders, even as a civilian.

But let's finish this bad boy off with some Barrie reviews, shall we? Show some loving right back at them. And let's start with that Clutch American Pale Ale that I was singing Happy Viking Songs (in the original Norse dialect, too) about just a few paragraphs back. At just 4.8%, talk about your plucky sessioner. The brewery lists the IBUs at 42 but added that was "theoretical." I'm glad they said that as I would have pegged this as closing in on 60. As far as the actual colour, let's stick with the brewery's "hazy straw" description as Barrie CSBs are among the most benevolent in society. Okay, they jam-packed this with Centennial, Citra, Amarillo (yay!) and Mardarina Bavaria hops that give it a really strong fruity nose and metric tons of bitter orange peel on the tongue.

For my money, Polkaroo is absolutely the best beer
photographer in the Province. All of his pictures
jump off whatever social media he is using. Here,
he snapped a shot of Flying Monkeys' Juicy Ass
IPA, a beer previously on tap at Rib Eye Jack's.
I'm pretty sure I don't see the same colours as you.

Many of these will be making the round-trip home with me.

Okay, let's jet across town to Flying Monkeys and look at their Aurora Heart Chocolate Raspberry Stout. Every Winter, Flying Monkeys seems to land a big stout in a colourful box on the LCBO shelves. (Sidebar: If you see their The Chocolate Manifesto Imperial Stout on the shelf, grab it! With both hands. Hold it tight! Knock over an old lady if you have to. But try not to because that's not very nice. However, Soccer Moms in minivans and dudes your own size are fair game.) Okay, back to the Aurora Heart. Whereas The Chocolate Manifesto is like a glass of moist chocolate cake, the 7.1% Aurora Heart is a raspberry truffle in liquid form. Tons of raspberry sweetness on the nose, the combo of chocolate and raspberry and chocolate on the tongue alternates between sweet and tart. It's a Bittersweet Symphony (♫ this life...) of a beer. I have placed the Chocolate Manifesto on a pedestal that's so high, nothing will beat it but damn, this was pretty tasty, too.

Okay, Barnstormer, your Accelerated Stall Maverick's Imperial IPA will be revisited in the next one with updated tasting notes so you're landing on this runway very soon. And Hago, how's April looking for ya, bro? I got me a tasty-ass craft beer itch that apparently only a visit of Barrie can scratch! But guys and dolls (and especially the good folks in Barrie), that's it, that's all and I am outta here. Until next time, I remain...

Of #BeerSaints and "Alternative Facts"...

One is a man who is worshipped and adored by craft
beer drinkers across Ontario. And the other is Great
Lakes' head brewer Mike Lackey. *Double-checks
caption info* Oh, shit, I might have that backwards.
This is what I get for letting Drunk Polkaroo edit me.

In the wee hours of a Saturday morning at the beginning of February, Great Lakes Brewing in Etobicoke invited an elite group of Ontario's beer writers, videographers and bloggers to come on in and, well, help them brew a beer. (I included that last bit in case anyone is uncertain what happens these days at a brewery. They got out of the slave trade industry years ago. Allegedly.)

The Big Brew Day came the weekend before Great Lakes held their kick-ass 30th Anniversary Party at The Antler Room and I heard all about it. That's because my buddy, Robert, better known as Drunk Polkaroo, was among the invitees and was excitedly posting a countdown on Facebook in the days prior. It was totally "kid in a candy shop" time for my man, Polk. There were also numerous pre-brew posts on Instagram, Twitter and for all I know, he may have fired up his old My Space account just for this occasion. I do know he has added "professional brewer" to his LinkedIn account so yeah, the dude was pumped. And rightfully so. What a freakin' buzz.

So, of course, when he and I connected at the GLB 30th Birthday Bash, I had to ask him how it went. On the Incredibly Cool Scale that goes from one to the first Marvel's Avengers movie, where exactly did the day rank for him?

This glass and subsequent beer label for Great Lake's 30th Anniversary
Belgian Quad, created by their graphic designer Fabian Skidmore, was a
bitch to photograph because of the reflective gold label. Sun in the front?
Lost the label in the glare. Sun from behind? Same thing. Finally, I put
it on my barbeque wing and got the sun from behind through bushes. I
call this final photo moderately successful. But the beer? Oh. My. God.

Oh baby, that day was totally Mjolnir (Thor's Hammer) for the Polkamon. Hell, you could throw in Captain America's shield for good measure.

Polk recounted that Great Lake head brewer (sole survivor from Krypton and the lone DC reference here) Mike Lackey handed him a bag of malts to pour into the big-ass vat. After he had done his brewing chore, he asked Mike what was next. "Now you go and drink beer," smiled Lackey. Okay, at that exact point, we now have to throw Iron Man's armour and Hawkeye's bow into the mix.

Now because the brewery was full of writers, they called the beer "Alternative Facts" as a sly nod to the recent press conferences toward our immediate south. And because he took part, Polk landed a few bottles and held a contest for one on social media.

When my man, Polkaroo and his lovely navigator Kat stopped into my
Beer Store on St. Paddy's Day, they did not come empty-handed.  Right
in the middle of their 2,700-km (1,678 miles), 50 craft brewery, seven
day Polkapalooza Tour, they came bearing gifts for this Wexford County,
Ireland descendant. (That's me.) I asked him for ONE beer - a Twin
Pines Double IPA from Sawdust City Brewing. That was it. One beer!
He tacked a zero on the end of that one and brought me 10. Including an
mystery bottle up front that neither of us can ever review. We can't even
say what brewery it's from. Oh and he threw a Beau's glass into the mix.

To win it, you had to determine which statement about Polk was untrue. #1) He had been married twice. #2) He had never broken a bone. And #3) His first review on Untappd was Old Milwaukee. The winning guess would be selected at random by Polk on Instagram Video.

Well, as I sipped my beer, I watched person after person pick the Old Milwaukee answer. So I took matters into my own hands by posting, "I know you have been married twice. I know your first beer on Untappd was Old Milwaukee, just as Twice as Mad Tom Double IPA was your 500th and Motley Cru 2016 was your 1,000th. So that means you have broken a bone." Oddly, after that, every single answer on Facebook was the "broken bone" one.

Okay, as it turns out, an overcast day makes it a
little easier to photograph Fabian Skidmore's
design. This, my friends, is what a winning
bottle of Great Lakes Brewing's Alternative
Facts looks like. It also looks very free to me.

Partially due to my, well, prompting, Polk ended up with 32 correct answers and did a draw one night on Instagram Video. Of course, I had no idea how that works so I missed it and was probably watching funny cat videos on YouTube. (What? I enjoy watching cats fall off furniture. There's nothing wrong with that! That doesn't make me some sort of deviant freak. It's the other stuff I do that makes me that.)

So I was a little surprised when Polk came onto Facebook to tell me I had won. Now because we're pals, I asked if I had actually won or I *wink, wink, nudge, nudge* won. No, he assured me, he had fed the numbers into some video number selector thingy (again, no idea - do not come to me for tech support unless it's about spastic cats) and my number came up. Live and on air, as it were.

Now Polk's generosity is legendary. He calls the practice of beer friends passing back and forth regional craft beers by one name - #BeerSaint. See, it has a hashtag and everything. My name for that esteemed and highly-revered practice is, well, a little more on the crass side - #FreeBeerForDonny. And since I won that bottle of Alternative Facts (wink, wink, nudge, nudge), maybe it's time to start talking about beer. Specifically, Great Lakes beer because, whoa, I have had more than a few new, really good ones from them lately.

Well, hot-snot, Samson, this was a tasty little
offering from Great Lakes. Their Meanwhile
Down In Moxie East-Coast IPA had all the
haziness expected from that style and none of
those floaty bits. Most of us can live with that.

Now just before I begin, a quick word about the popularity of Great Lakes beer from someone I would hashtag #BeerAngel and that would be the lovely Kylie at Rib Eye Jack's Ale House in Burlington. Recently, I wandered in aimlessly (because no one wanders with actual purpose) to my watering hole and the assigned Great Lakes tap was "between kegs", awaiting a new arrival. That, of course, is not ideal. However, there are tons of great beers on tap so it's not devastating. And Kylie pointed out one distinct advantage for the bar. "When we have Great Lakes on tap, nobody drinks anything else!" So for a few days, anyway, some other breweries got some loving. From me, it was Redline Brewing and their excellent Clutch Pale Ale. (Zup, Barrie?? Your Redline homeboys representing some tasty-ass orange and grapefruit 4.8% APA sessionability in the hizzhouse! I drink you as well when Great Lakes is on tap to, you know, mix it up.)

But back to Great Lakes. Let's start with their 30th Anniversary Belgian Quad. Actually, no. That was so goddamn big, let's finish with that, instead. Okay, Alternative Facts it is then. First thing I like about this is that it's just 3.8%. I'm sorry but you need those in your life, especially if you're like me or Polkaroo, constantly trying new beers. They can't all be 12% barrel-aged bastards that crack your skull open and eat your brains. Life needs balance. As do Polk and myself. Falling over is not that much fun for us anymore. Gravity is an unforgiving bitch. As are our bones.

Because I love the art of Garnett Gerry on his
many GLB labels, here's a closer look at his one
for Meanwhile Down In Moxee IPA. The back
label explains that when Mike Lackey visited
Moxee, a town near Yakima Valley, Washington,
for the hops used in this, he discovered this cool
little town that had a post office, a laundromat and
one "terrific Teriyaki restaurant." So you know,
Teriyaki has nothing to do with El Dorado hops.

Okay, this English mild ale was brewed with cocoa nibs. Before you ask, nibs are bits of fermented, dried, roasted and crushed cacao bean. So yeah, there was some nice light bittersweet chocolate and a touch of coffee in there. Those beer writers did a damn fine job... drinking Canuck Pale Ale while Lackey and crew did the actual legwork.

Okay, I damn pumped when I heard Great Lakes was introducing a Vermont-style IPA. That east coast style means hazy, muddy and cruddy. I love it. So when Meanwhile Down In Moxee American IPA made its grand debut at the brewery, I was not far behind. In life, I'm miles behind. In craft beer, oddly I keep up. So how is this 6.4%, 65 IBU (international bitterness units) smokeshow? In honour of the late, great Chuck Berry who passed three days ago, all I can say is... Moxee B. Goode. Tons of orange on the nose (it almost smells like Tang), your tongue is hit by wave after wave of juicy mango. How these guys make so many different and unique IPAs is the little-written-about Eleventh Wonder of the World. And frankly, the Leaning Tower of Pisa, which is kinda boring, should step aside in place of Great Lakes' Tank 10.

(True Tank 10 Story That Can Now Be Told): Polk admitted to me that when no one was looking, he actually hugged Tank 10.

Great Lakes' Harry Porter and the Complicated Coffee
Order (let's assume that's the person in front of you at
Starbucks) had a little surprise for me on the back end.

They were lucky it was just Polk. They would have needed a fire hose and their five strongest brewers to pry me off of Ontario's most famous beer vat.

Okay, that brings us to the seventh beer in their Harry Porter line - Harry Porter and the Complicated Coffee Order. As expected, I got the usual coffee (actually tons of coffee) and chocolate on both the nose and tongue of this 6.5%, 18 IBU offering. But there was something else in there, confusing me. About halfway through, I was getting some inexplicable heat from it. So I went to their commercial description, only to find they had also used Scotch Bonnet Peppers in the mix. A small amount, I'm guessing, but it's there. And it comes out of hiding about 300-mls (10 ounces) into this 650-ml (22 ounces) offering. It's subtle, it's sneaky and it's doubtful I would have ever noticed it from a sample. That's why it's good to drink all of the beer!!!

And speaking of samples, that's precisely what party-goers at GLB's Big 30th Bash got along with the toast from owner Peter Bulut. A sample of the brewery's soon-to-be-released 30th Anniversary Belgian Quad in a cool glass.

Beauty and the Beasts: GLB head brewer Mike Lackey (top right) did
what no sane man would do. He invited this motley group of beer-writing
thugs to come in and make a beer! Fortunately, brewers are not known
for their sanity and thus Alternative Facts English Mild Ale was born. 

Instantly, Beer Bro Glenn, Polk and myself gave our first impressions. Glenn got some plum, Polk noted the caramel and I said, "I'm getting a white wine barrel?" I was on the right track... but wrong wine as this was aged in pinot noir barrels and that, my friends, is a distinctly red wine. It's also a pretty good indication of how little I know about wine. When I bought a 650-ml bomber for home enjoyment, I noticed something instantly. This 11.3% Quad has so much flavour that it was, as Polk likes to say, "a slow sipper." This was like the Cognac of beers. But that slow sipping lead to another discovery. The warmer it got, the better it got. I quickly took the bottle out of the fridge and let it warm up for Glass #2.

Urban legend has it that one of these coat-hooks
was artist Garnett Gerry's inspiration for GLB's
Octopus Wants To Fight IPA label. True? Who
know for sure? Except for the artist himself...

Like both men said, plum and caramel, as well as red wine grapes (I know that now), a bit of spice, notes of brown sugar and an insane fullness to the body. Frankly, just an unbelievable beer. They have their work cut out for them in 2022 and their 35th Anniversary. This will be tough to top... or even match.

Okay, one final Great Lakes Brewing story. When I popped into the brewery with a cake on February 12, their exact 30th birthday, you may remember from a previous column that owner Peter came out to greet me personally. So as we were all having a slice of the chocolate-caramel cake (the solid food equivalent of a hearty stout), Peter asked me where I had purchased it. Wellll, I bought it while I was doing Sunday morning grocery shopping... at Walmart. Geezuz, all the great little bakeries in Burlington and I brought a frikkin' Walmart cake to a birthday party?? Of course, I had to admit it so I did... as my face instantly dropped and I started studying their tile floor. "No, no, no!" said Peter, sensing my embarrassment, "It's delicious!" I suppose in a brewery where no previous cakes had existed that day, even one from Walmart tasted pretty damn good. And it was after lunch time, after all.

Anyway, Great Lakes did a video of that Beer Writers' collaborative effort and you can see it here on a link I can only call: Beer Bloggers In Paradise! (Watch for Polk!) But guys and dolls, I gotta go. Polk has giving me 10 reasons to get busy. So that's it, that's all and I am outta here. Until next time, I remain...

Inappropriate labels... or not?

Way back in 2011, Flying Monkey's owner Peter Chiodo
held up this bottle of Smashbomb Atomic IPA that got
grounded by the LCBO. In this photo from Ian McInroy
of the Barrie Examiner, Chiodo displays the "bomb blast"
label that the LCBO found to be potentially offensive. 

Well, the issue of sexism on craft beer labels has been causing a stir for a few years now and I recently weighed in on the matter when I discussed the 1950s Pin-Up girls quietly disappearing from the cans of Old Milwaukee, produced up here in Canada by Sleeman Brewing.

But it seems sexism isn't the only social arena where a beer label can run afoul. Oh no, no, my friends, there is much more socio-political controversy out there over craft beer labels that extend far beyond gender issues. Because so many labels have come under fire for so many reasons, I'll just be sticking to the beers I've had whose labels have come under fire for reasons other than sexism. And surprise, surprise, it turns out there's a few.

So let's start with my first-ever IPA Of The Year from way back in 2013, Flying Monkeys (Barrie, Ontario) Smashbomb Atomic IPA. Obviously, this beer has long been a favourite around Donny's Bar and Grill and I was genuinely surprised that this beer had been denied by the folks at the LCBO who screen the labels of incoming products. According to an April 2011 article in the Globe and Mail, the issue was one of sensitivity towards our soldiers who, at that time, were fighting missions in Libya and Afghanistan.

As you can see from the bottle and the six pack carrier, the bomb blasts
were taken out of the label and replaced with an image that looks more
like a dust storm. But wait... those single cans on the right, released last
Summer, have the bomb blasts reinserted again? What trickery be this? 

But while that story looked at many labels on beer, wine and liquor bottles, a much more thorough piece in the Barrie Examiner, written by Raymond Bowe in April 2011, looked at Smashbomb Atomic's label issues exclusively. In that article, Flying Monkeys' owner Peter Chiodo took a very conciliatory and understanding viewpoint of the LCBO's position. "It's a tough one for a small brewer any time we're censored. But the reality is the LCBO is really our biggest fan so we have to be mindful of that. They are supporting the craft beer movement." See? Now that's just a nice guy. A great Canadian boy who plays clean but hard in the corners, as Don Cherry might say.

I don't believe I've ever sampled two of my favourite IPAs side-by-side
before two weekends ago. Quite a difference in colour was the first
thing I noticed of the beers which were my 2013 and 2014 IPAs of the
Year. On their labels, Smashbomb goes for the explosive look while
Headstock goes for a more peace, love and groovy image. But hey,
Nickel Brook also ran afoul of the LCBO with its Bolshevik Bastard.

In that same article, LCBO spokesperson Chris Layton admitted that while there were issues with the name, "It really comes down to the imagery, as a depiction of an explosion." So the two sides negotiated and while he was not willing to change the name, Chiodo toned down the imagery. The bomb blasts were yanked and replaced with a more dust storm-like image. With the name, Chiodo noted that "smash" simply means "single malt and single hop" (Citra hops - the malt is Crystal but when it comes to IPAs, no one cares about malts except brewers) while the "bomb" did refer to the explosion of grapefruit and mango on the tongue that the beer delivers.

The original label imagery for Nickel Brook's
Bolshevik Bastard Imperial Stout also ran
afoul of the LCBO with its image of Joseph
Stalin. As you can see, the brewery relented
and used the traditional Russian symbol of a
hammer and sickle in their final product.

But it's interesting to note that when Flying Monkeys released the beer in single 473-ml (16 ounce) cans last Summer, that original bomb blast slipped back into the imagery. How did they sneak that one by? I have a theory and it goes like this...
LCBO official: "Hey, wait a minute!! Isn't that the label we nixed five years ago??"
Peter: (in Jedi robes, waves his hand) "This is not the label you are looking for."
LCBO official: *blankly* "This is not the label I am looking for. *Snaps out of trance* Okay, people, let's get this on the shelves!"
Okay, yeah, it's far more likely that the LCBO simply softened their stance but if you can't work Star Wars into every-day situations then what's the point of life? Also, we can never be friends. That is a little more advantageous for you than you realize. Trust me on this one.

Next on deck are my homies at Nickel Brook, down the street and around the corner from Donny's Bar and Grill. At roughly the same time that Flying Monkeys was running into trouble, so, too, was Nickel Brook with its Bolshevik Bastard Imperial Stout. You see, the original label incorporated an image of Joseph Stalin, the Soviet Union leader from the mid-1920s until his death in 1953. Now the truth is Stalin and the Soviet Union were our allies in WWII. So there is that side of the coin.

This is the cleaned-up version of Lost Coast
Brewery's Indica IPA. It came under fire from
the East Indian community, not just because it
not only used imagery of their elephant god
Lord Ganesha but in one of his four hands and
trunk, he was holding a beer. Eventually, the
brewery modified the label despite winning a
court case of its use under freedom of speech.

However, after the war, when it was revealed that the man had ordered the death of millions of his own people, the West (that's us) then realized he was a nasty piece of scumbag bastard work. (But hey, thanks for the help in the war - much appreciated.) In 1991, when the USSR dissolved and a number of countries became independent, there was a sense of relief in the West (still us) as the Cold War finally came to an end. Nations like the Ukraine, Latvia, Estonia, Belarus and a whole bunch more that end in "stan" were free. So when the LCBO decided that maybe Stalin wasn't appropriate for a beer label, well, I gotta say, I'm in their corner. Can you imagine being a Ukrainian or Latvian immigrant or descendant in Canada and coming face-to-face with a Stalin label at the LCBO? Not cool. Also the present label has a sleeker, cleaner look so I'm calling this a change for the better.

When high school sweetheart Christine flew to Canada from California last Summer, she came armed with six IPA beauties from her state for me. So, of course, I researched each of the six with the exception of the Stone IPA because frankly, I know as much about this beer as the Escondido brewery itself. Well, maybe if consumption equals knowledge. As it turns out, one of the beers, Lost Coast Brewing's (Eureka, California) Indica IPA was been under fire numerous times. The reason? The depiction of Hindu god, Lord Ganesha, an elephant with four arms, on the label. The East Indian community was so incensed with the label that showed Ganesha holding beers and looking intoxicated that the matter landed in court.

Reverend Lovejoy: "And to my right is a man of, well,
let's say, unknown religion." This is how little the West
understands other religions outside of North America. 

Granted, there are probably not many of us in the West who understand the tenets of Hinduism but the matter was serious enough that it became an actual discussion in the India Upper House of Parliament some 8,290 miles (13,300 km) away. While the brewery won the court case under the freedom of speech statutes, they also wisely toned down the label, having artist Duane Flatmo reduce Ganesha's arms on the label from four to two (to lessen the resemblance) and replace the beers with a latte. Now if you're, say, a Christian who is uncertain as to why this was controversial, I will simply ask this: How would you feel about a beer label that depicted a drunk Jesus on the cross? Exactly. You never make light of the religion of others.

Of course, leave it to The Simpsons to poke fun at our North American ignorance of other cultures and religions. In an 1989 episode, Homer decides to skip church. Falling asleep with a lit cigar, he accidentally burns down the house. In the end, the community, regardless of faith, bands together to rebuild the house. But Homer is convinced that God was punishing him for skipping church. It remains up to Reverend Lovejoy to put his mind at ease.

A recent beauty given to me by Beer Store Sister-From-A-
Different-Mister Marie was Flying Dog Brewing's Raging
Bitch Belgian Style IPA. Can you take a guess at why this
beer label was deemed controversial? Go ahead, just try...

Reverend Lovejoy: "No, Homer, God didn't burn your house down. But he was working in the hearts of your friends, be they Christian, Jew or... (looking at East Indian Apu) miscellaneous."
Apu: (indignantly) "Hindu! There are 700 million of us!"
Rev. Lovejoy: (condescendingly) "Aww, that's super."
(So you know, 700 million represents a tenth of the entire world's population.)

Next on the court's (quite literally) docket is the case of Flying Dogs Brewing's (Frederick, Maryland) Raging Bitch Belgian Style IPA, a beer very generously donated to my tastebuds by my former coworker Marie after a recent trip to the United States. Before we examine the label, first up a review of the beer itself. While I have never been a big fan of the spices that Belgian yeast lends to this style, this 8.3%, 60 IBU (international bitterness units) is so jacked up on Amarillo hops, that I didn't care about the spiciness. This was frikkin' delicious. So big ups to Marie - great choice!

Famed artist Ralph Steadman channels his
best Hunter S. Thompson in this pose. He was
the illustrator for most of the late "Gonzo"
writer's books, now drawing for Flying Dog.

Okay, review over - let's talk contentious label. Okay, first of all, an objective look at the art. The work of famed British artist Ralph Steadman, best know for his covers on the late "gonzo journalist" Hunter S. Thompson's books, it is simply a very cool illustration. His art style is instantly recognizable for many of us. Obviously, it's the name that is causing controversy. It would be very easy to say, "Well, it's a female dog that's clearly on the label and they are called bitches." Which is true, as are female wolves, foxes and otters. And bitch, as a subjective noun, can mean others things, such as, "Oh man, this day was a bitch." Or as an active verb, as in, "Geez, my boss bitches about every little thing." The latter two are examples regularly employed by both genders.

That being said, what doe the word usually mean? Yeah, it's a pejorative term for an angry woman. (The male equivalent is probably "douche".) That name alone got the beer banned from sales in Michigan where a five-year legal battle ensued. Eventually, the same freedom of speech statutes that sprung Indica IPA similarly saved this one.

This label by Wellington, New Zealand brewery,
Garage Project, causes a little stink with veterans in
Stevil St Evil's neck of the woods. The imagery of
helicopters flying over Vietcong turf was too much.

Okay, so here's my thing. I've read stats that suggest anywhere from 30% to 40% of craft beer drinkers are women. At the Beer Fests I've been to, it's more like 50/50. Why would any craft beer producer deliberately try to antagonize almost half their potential clientele? How is that good business? Wanna name your beer after an angry dog? Here's a suggestion - Angry Dog! Do you know what percentage of your potential customers are canine? Zero. You can try to offend dogs with a beer label until the sun sets. They don't care! And again, this won't offend every woman - that's painting with too wide a brush. But why take the chance? Business is business. You gotta be smarter. (I do love the Steadman art, though.)

Okay, one more then we'll call a time-out. When Beer Bro and college buddy Stevil St Evil came to visit Donny's Bar and Grill in the Summer of 2015, he came bearing the Gift Of Beer. The gift, much like Christine's, was all IPAs, these ones from Wellington, New Zealand. And one of them, Garage Project Brewing's Death From Above Indochine Pale Ale caused a bit of a stink with a veterans' group down there. Originally slated to be called Hopocalyse Now (after the movie Apocalypse Now), the brewers found 12 other Hopocalypse names and opted instead for Death From Above, the motto of the US Airborne Division.

What was my Main Military Man Hago's view on
Flying Monkeys Smashbomb Atomic IPA label?
Like Peter Chiodo's, it was fair and conciliatory.

The imagery, plucked straight from the movie, and name swiped from the military did not sit well with RSA (veterans' group Returned and Services' Association) president Don McIver, who passed away in Wellington last August. He called the label "cheap" and "disrespectful." Personally, I think it's pretty cool looking but I do not argue with the military, either active or retired. On the list of occupations I respect, it goes military, then firefighters, then nurses. Cops would be higher but they're always giving me speeding tickets. Nurses don't do that.

Okay, of all the labels in this article, I'll be honest - the only one I don't get is the fuss over Smashbomb Atomic IPA. So I went straight to an active Canadian military man, my buddy Hago, who does video beer reviews. So what was his take on the label?

"As a military guy, I couldn't give a shit. Most of us don't. I think in this day and age with craft beer pushing the boundaries of creativity, flavour, aroma and artwork, we have to give them some freedom to move," he told me.

However, he did add a pretty big caveat. "That said, the whole idea of getting smashed and bombed is kinda anti-craft, if you know what I mean.

Have we now talked about craft beer labels
quite enough? Oh yes, I think so. Maybe it's
time to divert our attention to what's in the
glass rather than what's on the label, yes?

I enjoy a beer or two, sometimes three, but it's been a long time since getting trashed." Echoing the words of the LCBO's Chris Layton in the Barrie Examiner article, "I understand how the LCBO doesn't want to advertise their products as something that is going to get you bombed, much like Coke doesn't want to associate their product with diabetes. I say it's simply another label but the LCBO has an image to uphold and they have the final say of what they stock on their shelves."

You see, much like Flying Monkeys owner Peter Chiodo, Hago's take is basically, "I think the label is okay but I get that the LCBO has a job to do." Peter and Hago are both so graciously Canadian that they're practically retired NHL players sitting in a forest of Maple trees sharing a big plate of poutine with a family of moose.

Okay, folks, that's it for today. Talk to stop talking about beer labels and start consuming the craft beer goodness within those plucky bottles. Coming up next is the notion of #BeerSaints, a term coined by my beer writing-videographer pal, Robert, aka Drunk Polkaroo. I recently won a contest he held where the prize was a bottle of Great Lakes Brewing's Alternative Facts. It was a beer created by a bunch of Toronto-area beer writers right at the brewery over a month ago. I'll look at Robert's brewery adventure, the beer itself, as well as GLB's 30th Anniversary Belgian Quad, which nearly took the top of my head off. Also a quick stat about the military. Who has the largest air force in the world? The US Air Force. The second largest? The US Navy. Don't screw with these guys. But guys and dolls, that's it, that's all and I am outta here! Until next time, I remain...

The story of Sweet Daddy Frankie...

Coming to me on the Facebook phonecall was
Frankie from sunny Puerto Rico when he had
a couple of his Carling Ice in him. Those were
always pretty funny calls but they always came
with an invitation: Come visit us in Puerto Rico

This is the story of Sweet Daddy Frankie. Now, Sweet Daddy Frankie wasn't always his name. No, he stuck that on himself and the rest of us stood back and simply let the glue dry.

Now, let me begin by saying Frankie is my oldest friend. But that sentence needs clarification. You see, I have friends - the kind of friends you'd drink beer with - ranging in age from probably about 22 to 65 years old. Frankie was at the highest end of that scale... thus my "oldest" friend. I find it's best to have friends in all generational categories - Baby Boomers, Generation X and Millennials - because all have very separate skill sets they bring to the table. Generation X are, for the most part, society's leaders of today. Millennials have all the cool tech-toys and will happily teach us how to use them. And Baby Boomers, well, we have that unique gift of walking into a room and forgetting why the hell we're there. But while we're in there, we will tell you why everything you're doing is completely wrong.

The truth is I've only known Frankie for little less than a decade. And another truth is we never actually met. We were introduced via the Internet through a mutual friend, Kevin. Now Kevin, I do know. We both toiled at the same City Hall many years ago. Kevin held a position of some importance and power there whereas I smoked in the men's washroom just because it was prohibited.

Back in his Pop Shoppe days, Frankie
used to hang with Eddie Shack, the NHL
player known affectionately as Eddie
The Entertainer. One of Canada's most
beloved hockey figures, Shackie didn't
exactly score goals as they were far more
likely to bounce into the net off his ass. 

But my actual job was to take phone calls from many angry, allegedly-adult people who I wasn't allowed to tell to grow the hell up and screw off. I was living the dream, people.

Now because both Frankie and myself used to inundate Kevin with cheesy joke or frat boy risque emails, he eventually said, "You two should connect." Secretly, Kevin hoped that our connection would dilute the endless stream of bad emails crashing his inbox a little bit. With Frankie and myself working in tandem, they likely tripled.

Eventually, a third party entered the picture - Richard, who I have always called RAD because those were his initials. Sometimes, nicknames come gift-wrapped. This unholy troika had all grown up together in Hamilton and were damn proud of their hometown. And these three had a game they liked to play called Wildly Bantering On Donny's Facebook Page While Donny Was At Work. This was during my flip-phone days whereupon I could not see any of it until I returned home to my laptop. At one point, I was dating a woman Frankie called "LL". Lois Lane? Lana Lang? Lex Luthor? Who the hell knows? But one day, Frankie made a mistake.

"Hey, LL, they call me SDF," he told her on my Facebook wall. "Can you guess what that stands for?" Well, she never got to answer because RAD and Kevin jumped in quickly with their own suggestions, such as Slightly Deformed Frank, Seriously Demented Frank, Sadly Disgusting Frank... and on and on. Until they arrived conclusively and with utmost certainty at, well, Small Dick Frank. It's how life-long buddies interact. We throw more shade than a forest filled with century-old Oak trees.

Here's the four hour and 20 minute flight
from Toronto to Puerto Pico that I always
meant to take but never did. Maybe $300
tops and I even had a place to stay. Damn.

More than a little irked, Frank finally blurted out, "It stands for Sweet Daddy Frankie!!" Well, I wish I could tell you that quelled the mockery but instead, the ridicule grew exponentially. And of course, I saw none of this until I arrived home and could not stop laughing once I read it.

After working his entire life both in Canada and the United States for countless companies, Frankie cleared out after 9-11 and set up shop in Puerto Rico. In 2004, he married the love of his life, Gloria, and all was good. At some point, Frankie discovered that through Facebook Messenger, he could make free long-distance video phone calls and whenever he had (more than) a few Carling Ice beers in him, my laptop started ringing. And for an hour, maybe longer, Frankie and I would talk about anything and everything. He loved his NFL football and would send me a list  of his weekly bets, thinking I followed the league carefully. I don't really so without his knowledge, I would log onto a Las Vegas odds site and tell him why his bets were either good or bad. He thought he was talking to Donny but it was actually Donny Vegas taking his call. And I, well, Vegas was usually right. "How do you do that?" he marvelled. The calls always ended the same way - with an open invitation to visit them in Puerto Rico.

After Frank coined the name Sweet Daddy Frankie, Kevin
was quick to point out the copyright infringement case
that former wrestler-turned-singer Sweet Daddy Siki
could make against him. Frank remained undeterred.

Oddly, Frankie was a big fan of this little horse and pony show you're reading. I have no idea why and have never asked because you do not question people's preferences when they work in your favour. Ever. Well over 90% of the time, Frank was the first person to "like" this column whenever I linked it to Facebook.

Sadly, that won't happen this time. In the wee hours of February 28, Frank slipped and whacked his head hard. Despite Gloria's insistence, he refused to go to the hospital, saying he'd feel better in the morning. He never woke up. RAD gave me the news when I was at work in the morning. His early guess was his heart. Kevin filled me in on the circumstances later in the day.  Though I kept it to myself, it was not a good day for me. And it was, without a doubt, infinitely worse for RAD and Kevin, who lost a hometown buddy with whom they shared their childhood and far beyond. I lost a good friend. They lost family. Big difference.

Only Sassy Cassy could make me do the impossible and
that is drink a Pumpkin Ale. Granted, she does not know
my disdain for the style and I did have that IPA on the
right to cleanse my palate afterwards. Like, instantly. 

I was wondering how to honour Frankie here and my first thought was to toast him with a pint of his beloved Carling Ice. The can he drank in our video Facebook phonecalls looked different than the ones here so I assumed it was exported to Puerto Rico from the United States where it is, in turn, imported from Molson. (The Caribbean island is an unincorporated US territory. And no, I have no idea how that works.) But as popular as Carling Ice is at my Beer Store, it's not exactly to my tastes. It's hard to honour and toast a fallen friend when you're wincing with each swallow. I remain convinced that Frankie would want me to do this with craft beer since that's all he ever read about here.

And I do like the notion of family, whether biological or extended so that's what I'm going to do here. Since I work at the Beer Store, let's look at some of the goodies my extended family there have sent to Donny's Bar and Grill. First on deck, as she should be, is my sweet Beer Store daughter, Sassy Cassy. So Sass goes to Lakehead University which is way up there in Thunder Bay. Not close. But every time she returns home, she always has some beauties for me, courtesy of the city's Sleeping Giant Brewing, a fantastic outfit turning five this year.

Beer Store Sister Marie FINALLY gave me the opportunity to try these
two Dogfish Head beers side-by-side. I have enjoyed both IPAs but months
apart and have always wondered which would be my favourite of the pair.
Is it the Dogfish Head's 60-Minute IPA or their 90-Minute Imperial IPA?

But without realizing it, she threw me a curveball. While I had only requested their Hoppet IPA, I left any other choice up to her. Truthfully, one is plenty as she's a student. She responded with their Mr Pompous Pumpkin Ale. Well, damn. Sass doesn't know the disdain I have for pumpkin beers (I let Drunk Polkaroo review them and just use his results) so she probably thought, "Oh look, cool. Pumpkin beer! Donny will love that!" Well, a man can do many things in his life but disappointing his "daughter" should never ever be on that list. So, dammit, I drank that pumpkin ale. For life! For liberty! For Sassy Cassy! The 5.5% flavoured ale wasn't too bad at all. The brewery got their pumpkins from the local Belluz Farms and incorporated the usual flavours into the mix - cinnamon and nutmeg.

Have you ever had a Peanut Butter Porter? Thanks
to Marie, I have and man, that is one nutty brewski.

But whether she realizes it or not, Sass has done me a huge solid. This Autumn, when the pumpkin ales come trolling again, I can stand up and say, "Hey, already had mine. Enjoy yours. Moving on!" My quota is filled. As Crocodile Dundee would say, "Noice!" He also said something about a knife but that's not applicable. Also, shrimp, barbie, something, something.

So let's talk main course now - that Hoppet IPA. Now we're in Donny's wheelhouse. Their Beaver Duck Pale Ale, gold medal winner at the 2016 Ontario Brewing Awards, is a big favourite around here as Sass has brought me that one twice. Hoppet's commercial description cites the liberal use of Pacific Northwest hops so likely some combo of Centennial, Chinook or Cascade were used. Definitely, citrus with a whiff of pine on the nose of this 6%, 70 IBU (international bitterness units) but completely citrus on the tongue. I quite liked it but it's gonna take a lot to top Beaver Duck around these parts.

Okay, after Sass' generosity, let's look at some recent offerings from my Beer Store Sister-From-A-Different-Mister Marie.

When an independent delivery service dropped off some
Ace Hill Pilsner to my old Beer Store, they accidentally
left two cases of Nickel Brook's Headstock IPA, as well.
I told Cassy to guard it with her very life. As you can see,
she was all over the case, uh, or cases in this case. That's
confusing. Headstock can now be found in the Beer Store.

During a recent trip to Caesar's Windsor with her boy-toy Ernie, Marie discovered a newer brewery there - Craft Heads Brewing, which turned two at the end of February. And when the pair came back from the border city (Yo, Detroit, zup? We can see you across the river!), it was with two one-litre (34 ounce) growlers, one filled with Turbulent Chocolate Peanut Butter Porter; the other with Stout Destruct. The darkness was upon me that day, my friends and in the Winter, I bathe in the duskier hues of beer. Actually, Canadians are used to the dark. From December through January, it's like pitch-black at 4:30 pm, for crying out loud.

While I love a good stout, I was more eager for that chocolate-peanut butter porter because that's a new flavour for me. I didn't get peanut butter so much as just straight nuttiness from this 5.4% porter but the chocolate and nuts were certainly there. I won't declare it the Reese's Peanut Butter Cup of beers but I will say it was damn tasty, The Stout Destruct was a hefty meal of an Imperial Stout at 9.6% and a listed IBU of 98, which I'm thinking is a mistake as it was malty, chocolate but not nearly as hoppy as that IBU would indicate. I'm guessing the recipe went something like, "Okay, let's start with chocolate malts and then add more chocolate malts... and a few more." Thick as tar, rich and delicious!

If you're in Windsor, this is the place to be -
Craft Heads Brewing on the corner of Pellisier
and University! Beer, pizza, coffee... they have
it all covered for wandering beer-loving crowd.

Craft Heads, located at the corner of University and Pelissier in Windsor, was started by a couple of homebrewers and now has over 20 beers on tap every day. There's also an upper-scale coffee component to the outfit but let's face it, I'd be there for the beer. I love my coffee as much as the next guy but I don't go to breweries for it. However, they do have stone-fire pizza available and I am always onboard for pizza with my beer!!! Keep going, Craft Head gang! I'll see you in the Summer!

But an even more recent trip to the United States saw Marie bring me back three absolute gems - the Dogfish Head (Milton, Delaware) 60 Minute IPA, their 90 Minute Double IPA and a Flying Dog (Frederick, Maryland) Raging Bitch Belgian-Style IPA. We'll deal with the Flying Dog brew in my next piece on labels that may or may not be inappropriate but I absolutely have to deal with the two Dogfish Head beers now.

You see, courtesy of Beer Bro Glenn, I have had both these beers before. Loved them both but my samplings were a year apart. So when someone asked me which I preferred, I was at a loss. Counting on my memory is like counting on a sundial to give you the time to the second. I thought both were top-notch but really, you have to try them side-by-side, don't you?

Will this entice you to visit Craft Heads Brewing
in Windsor? Stone-fired pizza and beer? Just
remember that every grain that goes to pizza
rather than beer is a solid secondary use of it.

Well, Marie gave me the opportunity to do precisely that - a showdown on the patio table of Donny's Bar and Grill. Two beers going mano-a-mano...

The 60-Minute IPA at 6% and 60 IBUs certainly sounds like the weaker of the pair, up against the 90-Minute Imperial IPA at 9% and 90 IBUs - a beer Esquire magazine once called the "perhaps the best IPA in America." But that did not turn out to be the case. No, side-by-side, I gave the nod to the 60-Minute. There was a sweetness to the aroma and the taste of the 90-Minute that I found a little disconcerting. As with all Imperial IPAs, it counted on a solid malt backbone to hold it together and did so nicely. Some tangerine on the tongue with a thick and oily mouthfeel. But that 60-Minute IPA? Now we're talking! Brewed with Amarillo, Warrior and some "mystery hop," this was as pure an example of an IPA as they come. Citrus and pine on the nose, tangy grapefruit on the tongue, I absolutely loved this beer. I considered both great beers as stand-alones months apart but head-to-head, gimme that Hour Beer.

Well, like I said, back to labels next time. But to my "oldest" pal Sweet Daddy Frankie, sleep well. I wish it lasted years longer but every time I talked to you, it sounded like you were having the greatest ride ever. You lived life on your own terms, my older brother, and in the end, that's what matters the most. But guys and dolls, that's it, that all and I am outta here. Until next time, I remain...