GO Train Beers and birthdays

Take a good look before she uses it as her official painting
T-Shirt. Yes, that is Beer Musketeer Cat, as well as Beer
Musketeer Blair, happily wearing their Beer Store T-Shirts.

Well, last weekend marked yet another milestone in the lives of two Beer Musketeers. Against all odds, Cat and Blair had managed to make it to another birthday, one in which we gathered to celebrate at the huge Real Sports bar across the street from the Air Canada Centre where my beloved Toronto Maple Leafs have continued to start the season in October red-hot and then come January lose their the majority of their hockey games with hard-to-fathom consistency. I have lots of buddies who are fans of other teams and since the Leafs last won the Stanley Cup in 1967, they like to note that at least the pictures of their Stanley Cup winning teams are in colour, rather than black-and-white. I call those friends by one collective name - Bastards. Anywho, back to the party - dubbed the "B & C's Craft Beer Birthday Bonanza!"

Real Sports has a 40-foot high-def TV screen... for
when you want to see yet another crushing,
humiliating defeat up close and personal...

The simple fact is we had to get to the party first so Ladyfriend Lee and I opted for the GO Train. When she noted she probably hadn't been on the GO Train since she was 20, I decided it was high time she be initiated with a long-standing tradition, known simply as GO Train Beers. The game is every bit as simplistic as it sounds - you sit on the GO Train and with some modicum of discretion, you drink beers all the way from Burlington to Toronto. As I scoured Donny's Bar & Grill for suitable surreptitious beer camouflage, Lee held up her huge red mittens and said, "Will these work?" Well, hey now... yes, yes, they will! And did. While GO Train Beers sounds as classless as it actually is, you can add a small element of sophistication to the proceedings by turning it into a beer tasting session. ("No, officer, we are not drinking in public. We were having a mobile beer tasting session and it's classy!") So the GO Train Beers ran the gamut - a Schofferhofer Hefeweizen, a tasty wheat straight from Hamburg, a Pilsner Urquell direct from the Czech Republic, a Smithwick's Ale from the folks at the Guinness factory in Dublin and representing Canada, a Neustadt Springs Scottish Ale, which scored bronze in the US Open Beer Championships last July in Atlanta.

Well, yeah, this would have come in handy!!

Lee said she wanted to start with something lighter so into her mitt went the Schofferhofer while I cracked the Scottish Ale - the only one I'd never sampled. (The *thud* you just heard was the collective jaws of my friends hitting the table.) I am staggered this only scored a 39 on RateBeer (which is why I don't always give that site much credence) because damn, that's tasty. Lightly caramel and malt on the nose (even in the can), there's a nice touch of bitter-sweetness and heavy malt boldness on the tongue. The judges in Atlanta (how do I get that job?) knew their stuff. But Lee found the Schofferhofer too light so we switched. "Okay," she noted, "this has a ton of flavour!" Round two consisted of her trying the Pilsner Urqell while I had the Smithwick's. Again, too light for her so we switched - Musical Beers, the classy game. "I love the apple in this," she smiled. Upon hearing our selections and beer count for the ride, Beer Musketeer Stevil St Evil wryly surmised that our trip must have taken about 16 minutes. Close enough.

And speaking of birthdays, mine is February
14th and here's a dandy gift idea for this guy!
Yeah, uh, pretty sure they're sold in pairs, too!
And that at least 10 of you should buy me pairs!
And that by 10 of you, I actually mean 20 of you!

Once we landed in Toronto, it took us a while to find the bar but aided with the directions of helpful strangers, we managed. Once there, we joined Blair, Cat, Beer Musketeer Glenn, his young son, Jake and Cat's friends, Andrew and Randolph for a night of merriment. But first, gift bags! All of these purchased at my Beer Store (because I am just that lazy), Blair got an eight-pack of his beloved Creemore Springs Lager while Cat has a varied assortment with pairs of Dab Dark Lager, HogsBack Brewery (Ottawa) Vintage Lager, Double Trouble Brewing's (Guelph) Fire In The Rye Pale Ale and one of her personal favourites, Side Launch Brewing's (Collingwood) Dark Lager. Also in the bags from absent co-worker Marie was a Craft Beer Guide for all of Canada but there was one more treat. Both bags had a Beer Store T-shirt. You see, Cat feels about the Beer Store the same way I feel about vegetables. That is to say, not positively. But being a Master of Mayhem, I find it impossible not to stir the pot a little. Okay, a lot. There could be two possible responses: one, complete revulsion on her end or two, a hearty laugh at the irony. I decided either result would be entertaining. And the winner was...? She laughed like a fool and immediately put the shirt on. After the pair posed for pictures that were instantly posted to Facebook, Cat went to take hers off. Uhhhh, not so fast. Blair, who doesn't care where he buys his beers, had other ideas. "We're wearing these all night!" and by gawd, they did.

Whenever someone asks, "Hey, Donny, what are you
doing this weekend?" I usually just send this picture

And, as the TV Guide is fond of saying, "Hilarity ensued." We had a great night. The bar's craft beer selection was a bit light but there were some strong ones on there, including Junction Craft Brewery's solid Conductor's Craft Ale, Flying Monkey Craft Brewing's outstanding Hoptical Illusion Not So Pale Ale and Mill Street Brewing's dynamite Tankhouse Ale. But when I saw both Amsterdam Brewery's deadly Boneshaker IPA and personal favourite Muskoka Brewery's Twice As Mad Tom Double IPA, well, I knew I'd be good to go! Throw Nickel Brook's Headstock IPA and Flying Monkeys Smashbomb Atomic IPA into the mix and I would have camped out in the booth. Quite probably, without intention. But despite our ages, we still do birthdays like we're 21 years old which, in my case, is a good thing because I haven't seen much in the way of personal growth since that age. Great night!

Okay, according to some clock somewhere, it's officially Beer O'Clock at Donny's Bar and Grill so let's look north-east to our friends at Beau's All-Natural Brewing in the tiny farming community of Vankleek Hill, Ontario.

In the Best Of Beau's 2014 Mix Pack, all four were great but
the Burnt Rock Vanilla Porter and Mission Accomplished
American IPA ruled the school. But wow, what a great mix!

I recently snagged their The Best Of Beau's 2014 Mix Pack which contains, as advertised, four of their best from last year, including their St Luke's Verse Lavender Gruit, the Mission Accomplished American IPA, the Winterbrewed Coffee Amber and the Burnt Rock Vanilla Porter. Despite the presence of a very strong IPA, for me, this mixed-four was a dead-heat between the Mission Accomplished and the Burnt Rock. Because it's Beau's with emphasis on the All-Natural, meaning it's all organic in these babies. As I get older, I am more concerned about what I put in my body (I so don't care) and want to make wiser choices (if it tastes good, asbestos could be an ingredient) so all-natural and organic is very important to me (not really - Beau's just makes staggeringly good beers.) 

Okay, let's start with the Burnt Rock which in 2013 won a gold medal at Montreal's Mondial de la Biere competition. The 5.6% porter uses organic vanilla beans, for starters. (Infomercial voice: "But wait, there're more!")

This beer, Beau's Ashnan Wheat Wine, scared the hell out
of me. Beers never scare me. Ever. And yet, this truly did!

This is all vanilla on the nose with some chocolate and maybe coffee. But on the tongue? Some burnt chocolate malts and only the lightest touch of vanilla. A damn good dessert beer... that I drank as a dessert! Because I care about healthy desserts so suck it, Weight Watchers!

Well now, that 6.7% Mission Accomplished American IPA? This is, hands down, the best IPA Beau's has created thus far. Using organic (there's that healthy word again - I feel like Lee is paying them off) hops from the United States and New Zealand, this 65 IBU (international bitterness units) lip-sweller is all orange and pine on the nose and then grapefruit and bitter on the tongue. This isn't just one of Beau's bests for 2014 - it's one of the best period.

The 6% Winterbrewed Coffee Amber, which scooped a bronze at the 2013 Canadian Brewing Awards, is an interesting beast. A collaboration with Ottawa's Bridgehead Roastery (coffee

I am Groot! No, wait, I am Beau's St Luke's
Verse Lavender Gruit. Better merchandising!!!

folks), this is coffee, caramel and (strangely) citrus on the nose, this is all coffee on the tongue. Beautiful job.

And from this four-pack, the final entry is the St Luke's Verse Lavender Gruit. Okay, back in days of yore, young maidens wanting to know their true love's identity would chant in the evening, "St Luke, be kind to me. In my dreams, let me my true love see." These days, they just use match.com and Tinder. Assuming lavender is a colour and an aroma, I will say it might possibly have lavender on the nose... but I have no idea. I smell ginger and other spices (no idea) on the nose and ginger, ginger, ginger on the tongue. Nice little 5.7% spice bomb that won't Taco Bell you. (Yes, I just verbed Taco Bell... deal with it.)

Finally, let's look at a Beau's beer that has languished in my fridge for a while now - the Ashnan White Wine, a 9.8% barley wine (strong beer) that comes in its own paper bag and is aged in Chardonnay barrels. Look at it. It's scary!!! Okay, Ashnan was the goddess of grain in Mesopotamia, where beer was invented. I was gonna say Egyptian goddess but every reference says Sumerian goddess. Want to know what I know about the Sumerians? How to spell "Sumerian". And I had to cut and paste that.

Hugh Jackman stopped by The Tonight Show with Jimmy
Kimmel to test-drive a motorized beer cooler in a race.
Let's assume Wolverine won... because he's Wolverine!!!

Okay, the few barley wines I've had so far have been thick and dark, This pours and looks like a lager because it's a wheat (hazy) beer of sorts. A bit of wine on the nose but mostly apricot, it's lightly fruity and super-carbonated on the tongue. Not what I was expecting at all. It's pretty good. I like being surprised - but only by beers - not in that Thailand "dude looks like a lady" way.

Okay, as a final note, it turns out Hugh Jackman had no idea that wolverines were actually animals until he filmed the first X-Men movie. Fair enough. He's Australian and wolverines are indigenous to northern Canada so why would he know? I also thought dingoes were imaginary until one ate my baby. (What? Too soon?) What does that have to do with beer? He's drank some in his life. Close enough.

Next up, we finally learn what the connection between Black Creek Historical Brewery (which Cat's sister runs) and Oakville's Trafalgar Brewery is. Strap in. I was surprised - but not in that Thailand way. (I'm over-emphasizing this way too much, aren't I? Honestly, never been there. Recently.)

Okay, guys and dolls, I loves ya but I gotta leaves ya. That's it, that all and I am outta here!!! Until next time, I remain...