Marie gets herself a new Beau

Walkerville Brewery co-owner Chris Ryan and Brewmaster Nick
Poloski  can take credit for Marie's new-found love of craft beer

My co-worker, Marie, has found herself a new Beau. Now I'm not suggesting in the least that her current beau, Ernie, should be panicking as this new Beau actually comes in the form of craft beer. And obviously, even really good beer can't take the place of the warmth within human companionship.

(That said, I'm looking around my living room at the countless empty bottles of Flying Monkeys Smashbomb Atomic IPA and realizing that not once - ever! - has one of them demanded that I call my mother-in-law to apologize... Clearly, Smashbomb and I have a story-book romance happening. Guys, I don't even have to buy flowers. It's pretty freakin' sweet.)

But when I first met Marie nearly three years ago, she was a devoted Coors Light drinker. (She and most of Canada - I believe it may just be the country's largest-selling beer.)

Meet Marie's new Beau - their Lug Tread
Lagered Ale. Maybe Ernie should worry...

One day, she decided it just wasn't cutting it anymore and ventured forth into new brews. Mostly European ones she'd never had (our store has a humongous selection) but also new Canadian ones that were showing up - the Keith's Hop Series and the like - your stepping stones from mainstream to craft. She was really liking some, not so much others - the same way we all do. But I can pinpoint the exact time things really changed for her. She and Ernie went to the Caesar's Palace in Windsor because he had been invited to a High-Stakes Poker Tournament. While there, Marie hit the slots and found one incredibly generous machine that paid off a lot of cash - twice in two days. Flush with a wad of bills that could choke a hungry, hungry hippo (as they favour marbles anyway), the pair wandered down the street to the nearby Walkerville Brewery, which re-opened a couple of years back, under new ownership. Fascinated with the tiny brewery's 125-year history with countless owners and even more closures, bankruptcies and reopenings, I wrote a Brew-Ha-Ha on it back in May when the couple brought me back a one-litre (34 ounce) howler of their tasty Indie Pale Ale. I don't even remember what they got that day, other than their first growlers, but Walkerville ended up springboarding Marie well into becoming a full-fledged member of The Craft Pack...

Nickel Brook Brewery in Burlington has
now become a destination point for
Ernie and Marie as they refill their
growlers with Headstock Light Lager
and a few others they have on tap!

But it was a few weeks back that she had her first "Ah-Hah Moment!" with craft when she tried a Beau's All-Natural Brewing's Lug Tread Lagered Ale. That ubiquitous Ah-Hah Moment means simply in the case of craft beer, there is no turning back. Also given the often higher ABVs in many craft beers, at a certain point in Marie's case, her blood-alcohol level means her two dogs are in charge of the house. Back to Lug Tread (which farmers will tell you is the tractor wheel treadmarks left behind in the mud), this is a unique beer that crosses the "lager is lager, ale is ale and never the twain shall meet" boundaries. Beau's Brewmaster Matt O'Hara created it by first top-fermenting it like an ale and then cold-filtering it like a lager, making the multiple award-winner one of Ontario's best.

At the same time, Marie realized that my beloved Nickel Brook Brewery was on route to Ernie's job at J and G Quality Meats (175 Plains Road East, Burlington) so she decided to stop in and see what all my raving was about. She got to sample what they had on their expansive taps and settled on the Headstock Lager as another favourite. (Truth to tell, I've never had it. A beer I've never tried is called a unicorn. They exist... but they're increasingly rare and hard to spot.)

The one - and only - pumpkin beer I will be
drinking this year was Nickle Brook's Pissed Off
Pete's Pumpkin Porter. Nice job on this, guys

But given her level of raw enthusiasm, I knew it was only a matter of time before Marie was suggesting new beers for me and she nearly lost me on the very first one - Nickel Brook's Pissed off Pete's Pumpkin Porter. I tried two pumpkin ales last fall and came to a realization very quickly. Pumpkin belongs in pie and nowhere else. I could tell you the names of those two ales - one Canadian, one British - except I don't remember. You see, I have found a foolproof method of expunging unwanted memories. It's called more beer. Strangely, while alcohol kills brain cells, it doesn't kill the ones that make you want more beer. I relented on the Pissed-Off Pete's for two reasons: 1) Marie handed me one and insisted (woohoo - free beer!) and 2) Nickel Brook Brewmaster Ryan Tweeted the morning they brewed it, complaining that it was too early "for this pumpkin crap" (or words to that effect) complete with a picture of pumpkin pulp. Realizing that he and I were of like mind, I owed it to him to at least give it the old college try. So I did.
Ryan, my man, what can I say? You have taken chicken shit and turned it into chicken salad. By making a porter rather than an ale, you have found a beer style that can be liberally tinkered with - exactly like stouts. You wanna play? Those are the styles you play with, not ales. Ryan is one sharp mofo.

Ernie and Marie brought me back one-litre howlers of the
brewery's Loophole Ale and Edgewater Summer Wheat

Strong pumpkin and spice on the nose, much milder pumpkin, nutmeg and coffee on the palate, it was pretty damn good. I plan on grabbing a six of it for the guests descending on Donny's Bar and Grill for late-October's Drunken Debauchery Part Two Beer Festival. (If y'all could refrain from telling any of the guests that kidneys go for $10,000 on the Black Market, I would appreciate it. Damn bookies.)

But the last time Ernie and Marie went to Windsor, they brought me back howlers of two Walkerville beers - their Loophole Ale and Edgewater Wheat. The lighter 4.5% Kolsch-style patio ale is nice - fruity on the nose, dry on the tongue - but it was the wheat was a happy treat. Banana and orange rind on the nose, citrus on the tongue, the 4.7% white was immensely enjoyed on my patio.

Thanks for the beer. But I'm not exactly sitting
alone here, lady. Where are my friends' beers??

Okay, with Munich's Oktoberfest in full force as we speak, let's close this off with a couple of complementary festival beers. Okay, no one who loves craft would consider Rickards (a Molson's line) to be cutting-edge stuff. That said, gawd bless them, they keep trying. When they released their Autumn taster-twelve, Der Tasterpacken (let's assume that's flawless German), it included four of the Red, four of their Blonde and four of a new one, their Lederhosen. I'm not a huge Rickards fan (though their Dark, a porter, is pretty good) but you know, credit where credit is due. Way heavier than their other products, the brewery made a solid effort with this Lederhosen 6.5% autumn brew. Spiced for the season, that's the nose while on the tongue, all caramel and, well, as I said, a very heavy body. An added bonus? Eight Rickards Red and Blonde on my bottom shelf for visitors, some of whom consider the line to be fancy. Have at it, kids.

Okay, from there, let's cross the Atlantic pond and go to the Dab Dark Draught Lager.

It's not the best beer ever... but it's the best that Dab makes.

This beer gets the living crap kicked out of it on RateBeer, snagging just a 24 as a dark Dunkel. From Dortmund, Germany, is it the best dark lager I've had? Hellz no, not even close - those honours belong to both King Brewery's Dark Lager and Oast House in Niagara Falls and their unnamed dark lager on the Toronto Brew Cruise, homes to (both on land and at sea) two really good dark lagers. But compared to Dab Lager and Dab Maibock, it's a pretty decent step up. So as Beer Musketeer Stevil is fond of saying, "It's like being the prettiest waitress at Denny's..." Yeah, you win but what Dumb-Ass Contest From Hell are we talking about? It's licorice on the nose, light coffee and bitter-sweet chocolate on the tongue. Like it, don't love it. But I would highly recommend it as a step-up beer for lager drinkers.

Okay, coming up next in a few days is a few more from the recent Toronto Craft Brew Cruise, the BC Craft Brewers Guild Natural Selection Mix-Six and five different names for raw chicken that you've never heard of. Also some pretty hard cardio exercises that I think you should be... yeah, I can't even finish that thought without blowing beer through my nose. Okay, guys and dolls, that's it, that's all and I am outta here! Until next time, I remain, as always...

Little Kevey's Excellent East Coast Adventure

Newman! Ooops, I mean, Redmond! Damn you, Redmond,
you corrupted my husband to a life of Craft Beer Obsession

Right now, there is a very nice woman out there, who I have never met, and she's cursing my name with the same vehement disdain that Jerry Seinfeld used whenever he spat out, "Newman!" with a clenched fist.

I'll be frank - this is not a new phenomena to me. I've been getting the silent and not-so-silent curses from wives and significant others for decades now. In actual fact, my last name has been a one-word answer for any number of usually-bad situations, regardless of gender. A couple of decades back, my buddy, Johnny was heading into work on the Toronto subway one Monday morning and his older brother, Bill, spotted him, looking far worse than something the cat hacked up on the carpet. "What the hell happened to you?" big brother asked. Johnny's one word answer? "Redmond." Bill, who knows me, got it. As for me, when I got home that weekend, I weighed myself and discovered I was three pounds lighter. So there you have it. It's scientific fact. Dignity weighs three pounds.

Kevin made a "Gus Fring" level mistake
with his first craft beer - a Mad Tom IPA

Now it hasn't happened in a while because, well, wives and girlfriends know me all too well. If their hubbies are allowed out to play with me, they know there's always that ever-so-slight (seriously... less than 5%) potential for a late-night phone call from the police. But a couple of weeks back, I got a little shiver. My Spider-Sense was tingling, ever so faintly. Somewhere, a woman was shaking her fist and uttering, "Redmond!" Didn't take me long to find out who. My buddy, Kevin, was vacationing in Nova Scotia with his wife, Heather, and my inbox was suddenly deluged with pictures of the craft beers he was trying out there. Yup, I've never even met Heather and she was 1,300 kilometres (800 miles) away but yeah, I felt the "Redmond" Curse. Perhaps the background story on Kevin is needed here.

He and I met years ago when we both worked for the same municipal government offices. However while his job description was something like: "Holy crap, you're important! Here's a big corner office with a view!", my job description was a little more along the lines of: "Uhhh, dunno. Let us figure you out first. Maybe go clean some toilets?" But in those days, I was a Labatt's Blue drinker while Kevin favoured Blue Light. Things have changed.

Kevin is taking over the East Coast, cruising through
Nova Scotia and trying every craft beer he can. He has
been sending me photos of all the beers for days now.
This brewery, Tatamagouche Brewing, took over an old
butchers' shop this year and has just two beers: above,
the Hippie Dippie Pale Ale and Butchers Block Red Ale

While at City Hall, Kevin and I forged a friendship that was completely based on shenanigans. Kevin is a life-long Detroit Red Wings fan and one day, I signed his City Hall email address up to a Toronto Maple Leafs fansite, which sent out weekly newsletters to their subscribers and Kevin's came to him addressed to "Little Kevey". Your tax dollars at work, people. We once scored cheap tickets to a pre-season Toronto Maple Leafs-Red Wings game at a nearby arena through our City Hall connections. Understand that pre-season NHL games are mostly tests for the rookies. Both teams will ice a team laden with newbies and an assorted small measure of stars to appease the crowd. Had the Red Wings won, I never would have heard the end of it. But my Maple Leafs won so to this day, Kevin refers to that fateful night as "the time your rookies beat my rookies and it didn't count for anything."

So after a few months of reading this little horse-and-pony blog, Kevin decided to test the craft beer waters. Unfortunately, he started with Muskoka Brewery's Mad Tom IPA... which pretty much took the top of his head off. When I asked if he was okay, he said "yeah" but sent me a picture of Breaking Bad's Gus Fring's face half-blown off. But rather than give up and do the Walk of Shame back to his Blue Light, he kept trying. Eventually, he stumbled across Flying Monkey's Hoptical Illusion Not Quite Pale Ale and liked it so much, he drank the restaurant dry. (They only had two bottles but still...) And now? Kevin is now fully immersed in the world of craft beers for the long run. Well, so long as no actual running is involved. So while Kevin credits me for his new-found love of craft beer, we can assume Heather blames me. At Donny's Bar and Grill, we call that the Circle of Life...

Hell Bay Brewing is a tiny operation out of Cherry Hill, Nova
Scotia and Kevin got to sample some of their brews recently

But as I said, Kevin was happily sampling and sending me pics of the East Coast's finest crafties. Halifax's Garrison Brewing did very well by him early on as he tried their Tall Ship Amber Lager (maybe even more than one or four from the sounds of it) and their Hop Yard Pale Ale. Then it was (also Halifax) Propeller Brewing's IPA. After that, he was onto Hell Bay Brewing's beers out of Cherry Hill - their English Ale, Dark Cream Ale and Pale Ale. And from there, well, he must have totally stumbled onto this one... I had to Google it: Tatamagouche Brewing and their Hippie Dippie Pale Ale. Brewed in the tiny town of the same name, this brewery has been around less than a year, took over an old butcher shop and makes just two beers. Much like tiny MacLean's Ales out of Hanover was for me, this is Kevin's diamond in the rough - the ubercool ass-backwards discovery of a little-known brewer. Pretty damn good for a former Blue Light drinker, Little Kevey! Dude, your Maple Leafs are so proud! Heh, heh...

The Three Beer Musketeers, as imagined by Disney.
Clearly, Glenn is Goofy, leaving me to be Donald while
Cat scores the Oscar-winning role of Mickey Mouse

Okay, from the east coast, let's shift to the sunny patio at Donny's Bar and Grill because 'Hellfire, Margaret' (phrase still applicable regardless of name, except for Margarets... then it's very specific), The Beer Musketeers both recently brought me some beauties. Glenn recently took his boy, Jake, for a sightseeing trip in Rochester and Niagara Falls, New York. While there, he made quick pit-stops at both the humongous Beers of the World outlet in Rochester and the much smaller but still kick-ass Consumer's Beverages in Niagara Falls, which, while it must have sucked a little for Jake, benefited me greatly. Probably high time for Jake to learn what benefits me also benefits society-at-large so suck it up, kid. (Joking. Met the friendly chatty lad who seems really great.) Despite getting lost 217 times while across the border (you think that's hyperbole - it isn't - he got lost 217 times in a 25-mile radius - I have a call into the Guinness Book of World Record people - he's a lock because the old record was 82), Glenn somehow found my Beer Store to deliver a very cool Mix-Six.

Loved the name, loved the label so how could it go wrong?
Oh right... Horny Goat Brewing, this could be a better IPA

Holy crap on a cross, there wasn't a dud in the bunch. While I very intentionally don't use RateBeer before a purchase (good or bad, I don't want to be swayed), Glenn did and thank gawd for that. The Mix-Six has a Ballast Point Brewing (San Diego) Sculpin IPA, two bottles of Bells Brewery (Galesburg, Michigan) Two Hearted Ale, a Rogue (Newport, Oregon) Shakespeare Oatmeal Stout, a Horny Goat Brewing (Milwaukee) Hopped Up 'N' Horny IPA and finally, the sure thing - a Stone Brewing (Escondido, California) Ruination IPA that he knows all too well I love enough to marry, which may or may not be legal here in Ontario. I have to check the rules. If it was available here, we'd already be common-law.

"Romeo, wherefore art thou?" Over here, pounding
this tasty Oatmeal Stout in the garden. Chill. bitch!

Since I've already rhapsodized at length about the Stone Ruination IPA (lightly kissing its forehead with breezy, flowery Shakepearean sonnets) in the past, let's move onto the Bells Two Hearted Ale - a full-bodied IPA that calls itself a mere mortal ale. 'Tis not. 'Tis an IPA as befits the Roman Gods! (I'd go further into the Ancient Roman gods but I've erase so much browser history on my laptop, it no longer knows who they are. At this point, Google just says, "What you talkin' about, son?") Where was I? Right, the 7% Two Hearted Ale scored 100 on RateBeer but I had it right after the Ruination (also 100) and lemme tell you, it's a 97. Don't get me wrong - 97 is outstanding. It's damn good. Huge pine and light floral on the nose, it's grapefruit-bitter on the tongue. Excellent beer. The Ballast Point Sculpin IPA, another 100, deserves every mark. The first IPA ever where I got apricot and peach on the nose, there was pine and grapefruit on the tongue. Boom baby, this was the bomb!

Beer Musketeer Cat stopped by Donny's Bar and Grill on the last day of Summer to drop off a Central City Brewing Red Racer Imperial IPA that she picked up while visiting family in BC so we both sampled the Horny Goat Brewing Hopped Up 'N' Horny IPA, as well as the Rogue Ales' Shakespeare Oatmeal Stout.

And, folks, this is how you celebrate the last day of
Summer in Canada - with a tasty Red Racer Imperial IPA

The consensus on both was varied. The Hopped Up 'N' Horny IPA, which Glenn concedes he got me just for the name alone (not sure if that's a nod to me or him... but both likely apply), had us loving the label and the name. The beer was pretty decent - much better than the 34 it snagged on RateBeer. But as an IPA at just 41 IBU (international bitterness units) and 6.3%, I can see why it got panned. Not overly hoppy, it had a little citrus on the nose and caramel on the tongue. A strong ale maybe... but a weak IPA. That said, we both enjoyed it. (The name won us over.) But the Rogue Shakespeare Oatmeal Stout? Odin, be praised. Roasted malts and coffee on the nose, bitter dark chocolate on the tongue, we loved this bad boy. We're Rogue Nation all the way!

But the last day of Summer had to close out with Cat's west coast offering, the Central City Red Racer Imperial IPA (formerly known as Red Betty). If you're gonna end Summer and step gently into Autumn, you have exactly two ways to do so - with this or the Stone Ruination IPA. That's it. That's your two choices - one American, one Canadian. The Red Racer is a 9%, 90 IBU crotch-punch, dry-hopped with whole leaf hops from the Yakima Valley.

So there's COFFEE in this? Don't hold back, Free Will...

Crazy (like, really crazy) blast of grapefruit and pine on the nose, intensely citrus on the tongue, this is one of Canada's best IIPAs, beginning and end of story. If my balls hadn't dropped years ago, they would have last night.

Okay, up next my co-worker Marie's tastes are expanding into the craft world and getting pretty damn good as she bring me new offerings from Walkerville Brewing and a pumpkin beer from my Burlington homeboys at Nickel Brook Brewing that doesn't suck, mostly because it's not an ale. Finally, a very clever brewmaster figured out, "Hey, if it's a porter or a stout, pumpkin crap beer might not suck quite so bad!"

Beyond that, I have the Hop City Big Mouth Pale Ale and Lawn-Chair Wheat, the British Columbia Craft Brewers Guild's Natural Selection Mix-Six (without one IPA - pretty much the opposite of natural selection) and the Dab Dark Draught Lager that puts the rest of that beer family to shame!

But guys and dolls, that's it, that's all and I am outta here!! As always, I remain, until next time...

The beers, they are a-changin'...

For the life of me, I could not figure out why the
beer bottle kept getting bigger. And then it hit me.

"The only constant in life is change." This clever quote about the fragile state of timelessness is often wrongly attributed to French philosopher Francois de la Rochefoucauld, who plied his trade back in the 1500s. Wrong answer, buoys and gulls - try 2000 years before this French dude as Greek teacher Heraclitus first uttered it around 500 BC. (*Patiently waiting for the frat-boy snickering over "Heraclitus" to stop... and now the sorority girls are giggling, too, because they know the frat boys couldn't find one with a map*) Granted, he said it in Greek while de la Rochefouchald said it in French so here's another constant - I wouldn't have understood either of them had they said it to me. I would have stood there baffled and continued to repeat my original question, "Where's the nearest bar?", followed by an elaborate though increasingly desperate game of charades to drive my point home.

The notion of change being the only constant was illustrated during a stint as an official photographer at a buddy's Mom's Surprise 80th Birthday party just a few weeks back.

The word "beer" in cursive handwriting which, much to my
surprise, is now a lost art that's no longer being taught...

I caught up with Johnny, my life-long buddy, as well as his wife, Trish and two beautiful daughters. While we were talking, Johnny mentioned his daughter (and my god-daughter) Julia, who's 10, recently opened her own bank account. Once all the paperwork had been filled out, Julia was asked to sign the form. One problem. "I don't know how to do that," she said, looking to her Dad for guidance. You see, they no longer teach cursive handwriting in elementary school. That, in turn, means young people no longer have a signature and in the off chance that they become like Miley-Cyrus-famous one day, they will have to sign fans' notebooks with a big X... much like Miley does. That is, before she shamelessly twerks her scuzziness all over it, rendering it virtually useless for resale on eBay.

Who's drinking all these funky new craft
beers? Well, apparently, hamsters are...

Julia got by with simply block-lettering her name but Johnny warned me: "By only using only the keyboards on laptops and iPhone these days, in the near future, no one is going to know how to write with a pen." And I suspect he's exactly right.

But while everyday things slowly fade into obscurity (the wristwatch I still wear, writing cheques, knowing birthdays without the aid of Facebook, regular mail, phone numbers that you know off by heart, Bell Canada phone books, talking to and not texting each other while under the same roof and even pens, apparently), bright new shiny things come along and take their place, as predicted 2500 years ago by Heraclitus. (*Seriously, stop laughing - he didn't ask for that name*)

And one of the biggest shifts in paradigm is in beer consumption. Simply put, in the world that immediately orbits Brew-Ha-Ha!, tastes in beer are changing and evolving. Oh, I suspect the high-volume beers like Budweiser, Canadian, Labatt Blue and especially Coors Light will continue to be loud and strong for quite some time - these are the big guns that fly out of my store a 28-pack at a time all day long and there's good reason why we get them by the skid-load. But there is a subtle though noticeable shift in the winds as I have noticed more and more customers lingering in both our craft beer aisle, as well as our speciality beer area which features singles from around the world. Beer drinkers of all ages, while still mostly faithful to the old guard, are also trying and very much liking the newer craft beers.

The Phillips Brewing Amnesiac Double IPA is a really good
Double IPA... but I remembered having it so it's misnamed.

Now to be honest, it's mostly the younger generation who's leading the craft beer charge - my young co-workers and friends are trying and liking the new brews. Still, hundreds of young drinkers, male and female, at the Toronto Festival of Beers beelined it straight to the Coors Light and Budweiser venues, showing no interest in the new stuff (yet) so it ain't all young'uns whose tastes are shifting. A few of us surfing the craft wave are old enough to remember having to actually get off the internet if someone wanted to use the home phone. Not lying, kids, that used to happen because it was all hooked up to the same phone-line. So, y'know, if you remember that, you're pretty old... And we do have one huge advantage over the far more numerous young trend-setters:  we have more disposable income. We wanna spend more than $10 on a really good bottle of beer? We do. And if we really like it, we'll go back and get five more. Or five others that we've never tried, price be damned. They may have youth on their side but hey, we have cash on ours. And dammit, we love to spend it...

And now for something completely different... Phillips took
the traditional west coast IPA and went Belgian on its ass

Case in point: it was at the suggestion of young co-worker Carter, who knows my tastes almost better than I do, that I picked up a four-pack of Phillips Brewing (Victoria, BC) Amnesiac Double IPA. Granted, it's not in four-packs. No, the beer comes in single 650ml (22 ounce) bottles - I just happened to grab four because 1) it's a double IPA, 2) Phillips Brewing, though not well-known to me, is a known entity out west, 3) I trust all of Carter's recommendations and 4) it was the first day of my vacation and I wanted a crapload of untried, really good craft beer in the fridge at Donny's Bar and Grill. And once again, my beer dude Carter came through. At 8.5% and (let's assume) 80+ IBU (international bitterness units), lightly peppery and grapefruit on the nose, this is dry, crisp, fruity and hoppy on the tongue. Definitely being sought out again for my fridge because after all, my favourite appliance is gonna use the electricity either way so what the hell, eh? Stock it up!

While Tree Brewing's Hop Head IPA is a solid beer,
their Hop Head Double IPA is a humongous step up

But on the first day of vacation, there were actual singles that I bought, well, singularly and I'll admit, I went quite intentionally west coast heavy. Ontario and British Columbia virtually split the trophies at the Canadian Brewing Awards earlier this year so it was high time to... ♫ smelllllllllll... what the left coast is.... cookin'!!!! (Apologies to The Rock for the obvious misappropriation of a possibly trademarked catch-phrase that clearly has nothing to do with beer. Actually, come to think of it, what the hell was The Rock cooking? He was in a wrestling ring. It's not like he walked in there with a George Foreman Grill... or even George Foreman, for that matter.)

When it came to the Phillips' Hoperation Tripel Cross Belgian IPA, Beer Musketeer Stevil St Evil got the first word in from his perch in New Zealand before I had even finished pouring it. "Hmmmm," he surmised, "lessee, Belgie and an IPA? Gonna say... spicy?" While in fact a double IPA (8% and 80+ IBU) , uhhh, yeah, he kinda nailed it. Melon and flowery on the nose, it's initially sweet and then sharp, spicy and bitter on the tongue as befits the Belgian yeast. Another winner.

Okay, before Summer ends, it's time to try some more wheats
before it gets cold outside and it's all porters and stouts...

And keeping the "Donny's On Vacation And Winning But Not In That Weird Charlie Sheen Way" roll going was the Tree Brewing Hop Head Double IPA. Shazam, baby! At 8% and 90 IBU, it's pine and citrus on the nose, grapefruit, orange peel and a healthy handful of bitter on the tongue. Much like Muskoka Brewery's Mad Tom IPA and Twice As Mad Tom are only a few points separated on RateBeer, this was another case where I found the double IPA is a huge step up in taste for me as this sails past the regular Tree Brewing IPA.

One more from our friends at Tree Brewing out of Kelowna, BC, who know their stuff.

What the hell is it exactly that I'm cooking again?

After blasting my taste-buds all day with hops, it was high time for something, uhhh, mellow and Mellow Moon Pineapple Hefeweizen certainly fit the bill. Using 20 different malts, notably wheat malts, they give this a bit of punch with Perle and Tettnang hops. At 5%, this is a Summer-time pleaser with strong pineapple on the nose and banana, a quick flash of bubble gum and some pineapple tartness on the tongue. This was quite good though I would really love to see more Imperial Wheats like the outstanding King Heffy out of BC's Howe Sound Brewery.

Time to wind down but first a quick note on the big Independence Vote today in Scotland. Being half-Scottish on my Mom's side, well, that half is blasted on fine Scotch and yelling, "Fook, yeah!" Granted, I'm Irish on my father's side and it's saying, "We've been a Republic, independent of the UK since 1916. What took you bagpipe-playing wankers so long?" Still, I must have a little Northern Ireland blood in me and as part of the United Kingdom, they're a tad perplexed. "What do you mean you can just vote on this? We've been blowing up bloody cars here for this!!"

Man, these look good. I wish Labatt's still made these award-winners!

Okay, next up we have a crap-load of stuff starting with my buddy Kevin's Most Excellent East Coast Craft Adventure whereby he drags his patient wife Heather from one craft beer outlet to another. And then we'll look at the fine beers that Beer Musketeer Glenn brought me home from his recent excursion to Rochester, New York. And finally, keeping with today's west coast theme, I try out the BC Craft Brewers Guild's Natural Selection mixed-six pack. Six different breweries, six different beers... and not one an IPA. Okay, who do I register my complaint to at the BC Craft Brewers Guild regarding this clear oversight? But guys and dolls, that's it, that's all and I am outta here. Back in a few days but until next time, I remain...

... and THAT was the Craft Brew Cruise...

When you hit the high seas for a craft brew cruise,
you have to dress the part accordingly. That means
pirates and Vikings and sea captains, oh my...

So I went aboard the Toronto Craft Brew Cruise last night... and a MuchMusic Dance Party broke out. A dance party with copious amounts of really good beers (which is, of course, how we all get our best dance moves), some really great music provided by a DJ, who clearly knew one thing very well... and that would be "How to get drunk people dancing!" Admittedly, when it comes to craft-drinking crowds, "show up and play music" would seem to be enough. But this guy was really good. I mean, if I danced, that means everyone was dancing because if this Canuck cracker (sorry, that's politically incorrect - I meant Saltine Canadian) starts dancing, it's only because I'm the only one not dancing.

But let me back up this beer truck for just a second here. As the kick-off for Toronto Beer Week (September 12-20), organizers held Craft Beer Cruises on September 13 - one slated for 3:30 pm, another setting sail at 8 pm and then a third cruise (so technically the first cruise) at 11 am. that was added the day before because the other two were sold right out. Toronto Craft Beer Queen Melissa and I were both thrilled because it meant we could finally share a long overdue beer together. (Granted, separately, we both seem to be doing one helluva job with the drinking craft thing...)

♫ Check it out now, the funk soul brother... ♫
Fatboy Slim and, of course, Michael Jackson
got us all up and shaking our groove thang...

One tiny problem. She had bought a ticket for the 3:30 p.m. cruise whereas mine was for the 8 p.m. cast-off. At about 3:40 p.m., I got a Facebook message, asking "You here?" Uhhhh, nope, I was just driving home from work at that point while she was happily wandering around the boat towards the 13 craft brewers both on deck and underside. And while that doesn't sound like many brewers, it's more than enough for the limited space on even a decent-sized boat. So Melissa, you now possess an authentic and official Brew-Ha-Ha Rain Check (no cash value, not redeemable with other better-looking, more sophisticated beer blogs.) I swear on this Holy... ohhh, okay, turns out I don't own a Bible (I know - shocking!) but as luck would have it, I have found an even more sacred religious artifact. I hereby swear on this bottle of Flying Monkeys Smashbomb Atomic IPA, we will do this craft drinking thing! (Also, the next time I'm in court, I have to steal a Bible, particularly if I'm there on theft charges because... irony.)

Let's look at a couple of beers before I return shortly to the shenanigans, mayhem and assorted completely-legal tomfoolery. Okay, Left Field Brewery (whose Toronto facility should be up and running by February or March) has this crazy Single Hop Series, whereby it keeps the same malts for each batch but switches the hop every time. If you've ever heard of this before, well, that makes one of us.

The Toronto skyline by night from the deck of the River
Gambler, the floating host of the Craft Brew Cruise...

I got to try their Kohatu Single Hop IPA, a 6.2%, 60 IBU (international bitterness units) brew showcasing that particular New Zealand hop. (Note to Beer Musketeer Stevil St Evil: check your hop garden. Thievery may have happened.) The aroma is grapefruit and (oddly) lime while the taste is lightly citrus. A very enjoyable brew but we all know I like my IPAs as punchy and, well, bitey as Mike Tyson.

Ironically, I got that very punch to the throat from Great Lakes Brewery's Limp Puppet Session IPA which at just 3.2% and 25 IBU is grassy and citrus on the nose, grapefruit bitter on the tongue. GLB (Canadian Brewery of the Year for 2013 and 2014) has brewed up another winner.

My homies at the Oast House stand had a German-style
dark lager that kicked some pretty serious ass. Nice job!

Okay, you want Best of Show? It came down to two beers but in the end, I'm handing this to Oast House Brewing out of Niagara Falls and their unnamed German-style dark lager. This bad boy was all nutty on the nose, chocolate, coffee and nut on the tongue and I went back for it so many times, they stopped taking my beer tickets because I was such a vocal fan. Hell, I sung their praises more loudly than the entire crowd sung along (and danced to) an extended and funkified version of Michael Jackson's Beat It. So yeah, count me King of their fan base and the reason I'm looking down the QEW and thinking, "You know, Niagara Falls isn't that far away..." Get this in cans and quickly, guys, because...

... the second best beer of the night was Double Trouble Brewing's French Press Vanilla Stout, which will be in 473-ml (16 ounce) cans at liquor stores by October. I thought this plucky Toronto brewery couldn't top their Fire in the Rye (this is redundant) Rye Pale Ale... but dammit, they did. All vanilla on the nose, chocolate, vanilla and coffee on the tongue , it was the first beer to be completely tapped out on the entire boat. No joke. Look for it next month, thank me at Christmas. And by 'thank me' I mean give me beer. That's obvious.

Tracy and Kathy became my Brew Cruise Companions
after many cigarettes, many beers and some dancing...

Okay, back to shenanigans and mayhem. As the dancing started in earnest, I sought refuge on the railing, having a quiet smoke, watching the small-craft planes land on the Centre Island airport, enjoying the tunes. I noticed a young couple sharing a kiss at the bow and I quipped, "Hey, it's Titanic!" She giggled... until I looked at the guy and said in mock-seriousness, "She lets you die, you know", referring to the movie (I thought, obviously.) The poor girl was mortified. "I would never let you die!" she stammered to him. I gotta start wearing a shirt that says, "In all seriousness, I'm joking!" I quickly assured her that she was good and that only that bitch Kate Winslet would do that to her fella.

And then there was my new Beer Companions, Tracy and Kathy. As these two brazenly approached me on the railing, I knew instantly what they wanted. What every woman who brazenly approaches me always wants. So I dealt with it quickly and openly because it's always best to get the cards on the table early.

♫ I got the moves like Jagger, I got the moves like Jagger,
I got the moves like... ♫ Oh thank god, a urinal opened up

"You ladies need to borrow a cigarette?" Indeed they did. But we chatted over those smokes and then basically hung for the balance of the night, trying different beers. Hop-happy Kathy got some Limp Puppet (which she loved), my boys at Oast House got to serve them that Dunkel-style lager after they asked my favourite of the night (also got the appropriate "ooooh"s) and even well after last call, my buddies at Underdog Brewing out of Oshawa managed to surreptitiously slip us three of their outstanding All or Nothing Dopfenweisse wheat beer. We laughed, we drank, we danced... it was beer-fuelled fun-fest on a stickier floor than 12 of the worst movies theatres combined. Thanks, ladies, 'twas a blast!

Okay, more beers from the craft brew cruise in the future - particularly the Beau's All-Natural Brewing's Channel Ocho Mexican Spiced Ale that pretty much took the top of my head off. If Taco Bell owned a TV station, they'd be ordering 12 episodes of this beer. Aye carumba! Well, it cleared my sinuses, that's for sure. Okay, guys and dolls, that's it, that's all and I am outta here!!! Until next time, I remain, as always...

This was the Summer that... Part Two

No, THIS is what colour mustard really is, Home Depot...
Also that's the sickest mustard dispenser ever! WANT!!!

Okay, let's continue with "This was the Summer that..." but first, a quick story about being colourblind. You see, the two-storey apartment that houses Donny's Bar and Grill desperately needs a paint job. I mean, the whole place. I've been here eight years and haven't lifted a finger - strangely a sore point with some of my ex-girlfriends who, in my defence, decided I was kidding when I said I was incredibly lazy with my free time. Who kids about laziness? Also, I despise painting. I'd sooner clean every toilet in this sprawling luxury complex than paint anything. So after heavy consultation (beer-fuelled cyber-chat) with New Zealand Beer Musketeer Stevil St Evil, it was decided that my two washrooms would be a good starting point - both smaller jobs and the rooms that women are kinda sticklers for when it comes to the cleanliness of a dude's abode. Guys, tidy every other room up but dammit, make sure the washroom is spotless!! You're being marked. And judged!

This was the Summer that... I tried the Altbier
from Owen Sound's Kilannan Brewing at the
Toronto Festival of Beers. Peppery on the nose,
lightly hopped on the tongue. While decent,
didn't wow me. But solid one from a tiny place. 

Now the beauty of being both colourblind and a guy is that I planned on painting rooms anything but white. If it's ugly, I simply tell my date that I'm colourblind, it looked super-cool to me and I get "Awwww, well, at least the poor guy tried" points. Neighbours Amy and Simon had some left-over paint but it was all white. So off to Home Depot I went looking for anything-but-white. And here's the trick about paint if you don't really care about colours that, in my case, you can't really see anyway. While regular gallons run in the $50 a pail range, cast-off paint is much cheaper. Cast-off paint is where the husband decided he knew precisely what colour-tinted paint his wife wanted, was, of course, completely wrong so it got left behind. It's actually labelled "Ooops Gallon". I got mine for $9 - quite a saving! But with a dab of the paint on the lid, I struggled over the colour. Orange? Perhaps lime-green? So I asked the lady what colour it was. "Mustard," she smiled, "Why? What do you see?" Confessing I was colour-blind but knowing this was not the colour of the condiment I use on my cheeseburgers, I meekly guessed, "So mustard is, like... dark yellow?" She said, "Yeah, sure, like dark yellow." I sensed a quick get-rid-of-him answer on her end. I may never know what colour my downstairs bathroom truly is when I finish this little project. On the other hand, what do you want from me? At least it's clean. Take your iPhone in with you if it's too distracting. But please don't take selfies in there and then Instagram them to all your friends with comments about the colour. That's mocking my "disability". Though being a bathroom, y'know, Selfie Central. Okay, back to beer...

Courtesy of lovely Vicky's camera, Speakeasy is
shown here blasting out the Burlington suburban
night. That's my main man, Lloyd, slamming the
skins while 'Killer Voice' Kristine owns the mic...

Okay, this is the Summer that... my friends Vicky and Lloyd threw pretty much the coolest backyard, open-air concert in the Burlington suburbs ever. Due to work, I missed a sizeable chunk of the fun (stupid work) but still caught enough towards the end of the night. Starting at about 7 pm, they were well into their third set of outstanding covers when I arrived at 9:30 and even then, with no permits, no nothing, they kept it going until about 10:15 when a noise complaint from three blocks away finally shut it down. Even then, the pretty cop, while doing her job, insisted that we pass along to the band how awesome she thought the music was. Armed with my 6-pack of Flying Monkeys Hoptical Illusion Almost Pale Ale, I marvelled at the rock-steadiness of this clan. While Lloyd and son Cam wore their Led Zeppelin shirts, son Brandon rocked his Rush shirt while Vicky had her Alice Cooper going on. The family that rocks together and perhaps the best example of really cool parenting I've ever seen.

Okay, this is the Summer that... Beer Musketeer Glenn happily enjoyed the first ever Durham Beer Festival, followed exactly one week later by my first ever Burlington Beer Festival at Spencer Smith Park. And there were more firsts where that came from...

My buddy, Curtis, from MacLeans Ale was not only
representing at the Toronto Festival of Beer, he then
served me up the perfect glass of their Pale Ale...

The Burlington Beer Fest was the first public outing for the boys at Oshawa's Underdog Brewing and their outstanding All Or Nothing Hopfenweisse, a great German-style wheat that they're planning to brew year-round. Why? Because it's tough to get a great wheat of this calibre in the Ontario winter (or anywhere in Canada, really) so hello... niche filled! It was also the beer fest where I met the boys from tiny MacLean's Ales out of Hanover and first tried their pale ale. Beer Musketeer Cat and I enjoyed it so much that the brewery made a point of hitting me up on Twitter to let me know when some of their 500ml bottles had landed at a nearby Oakville liquor store. On my first day of vacation this week, I did the 50 kilometre (30 mile) round-trip to two separate liquor stores for both their Pale Ale and some Tree Brewing and Phillips Brewing products out of British Columbia. But when it comes to keeping happy customers coming back, it's tough to beat the effort MacLeans Ales go for their faithful. Really impressive, guys! That's how you build a customer base!

Okay, this is the Summer that... I got to meet my stunning grand-daughter Annabelle when my step-son Ryan and his beautiful wife, Lindsay, flew into town from Edmonton.

This was the Summer that... Muskoka Brewing announced
the most perfect Mix-Six for hopheads such as myself. Their
Hoptorial contains two Detour Session IPAs (30 IBU, 4.3%),
two Mad Tom IPA (64 IBU, 6.4%) and their outstanding
Twice As Mad Tom (71 IBU, 8.4%). Guys, it's about time!!!!

While dining and talking craft beers, Ryan and I got to compare our notes on Asus laptops, Consensus? They blow nasty-ass chunks. Since the beginning of the year, mine's been in for repair six times, Ryan's four. I'd honestly blame my dubious and illicit browser history but if it's happening to Ryan, too? Yes, they just suck. However, after writing a blog on their visit and posting it on Facebook, Ryan and my first-ever girlfriend (from Grade 5) Micki started swapping notes about the lack of decent craft breweries in Edmonton, where Micki lives with her hubby Tom. Oh man, Micki and I were a steamy coupling back in the day as I believe we held hands a few times. There may have even been a kiss on the cheek. (Beat that, Tom!)

Okay, this is the Summer that... a humble sheep farmer from Wellington, New Zealand took his side-hobby of drinking excellent beers, then jotting down notes on the interwebs about them and turned it into winning the New Zealand Beer Writer of the Year a month ago.

A beer-bottle Darth Vader from Canada to a brother
from another mother and Star Wars aficionado Neil,
who won New Zealand Beer Writer of the Year...

Yes, my buddy, Neil, won that long-overdue award but has remained humble, noting that it's not like he walks around with the award in his pocket. But that's mostly because the pockets of his cover-alls are filled with grain for the flock of sheep... so, y'know, no room. Well done from the nation of moose-loving poutine-eaters! There's probably some sort of "from tiny seeds..." analogy that would work here but this maple syrup lover doesn't know it so ask the Kiwi sheep farmer.

Okay, this is the Summer that... I noticed Flying Monkeys Craft Brewery out of Barrie changed their caps. While Glenn has long noticed the pithy sayings under the cap ("Don't drink and drive. Don't even putt" as an example), I have found that once the cap is off a Smashbomb Atomic IPA, my time with it is done because the beer is waiting. Read it? I don't think so. However, I did notice they had gone from their yellow-based cap saying Flying Monkey Craft Brewery to a black-based Flying Monkey with the words "Craft Brewery" replaced by the words "Magnum Opus." That's Latin - it means either a great work from or the best work of an artisan, usually a composer or artist. This applies to any number of their beers. Carpe diem, boys. Latin on...

But guys and dolls, that's it, that's all and I am outta here! I have some big-ass British Columbia craft beers coming up next but hey, that was the Summer of 2014 to me. Let's just say 2015 has his hands full. But until next time, I remain...

This was the Summer that... Part One

What speed dating would be like,
according to Beer Musketeer Cat,
who forwarded this meme to us all...

At the end of every Summer, I have the same routine. I take the first week of September that includes Labour Day off with my son, David. (When he was in school, it was the last week of August.) The reasons are simple. He's in camps and on trips and also vacation with his Mom during the Summer so his and my regular routine gets upset. As he is full-Irish on his Mom's side and half-Irish on mine, my lad is very stubborn and strong-willed, insisting at the end of each Summer, this disruption in his routine-with-Dad be redressed immediately. As he's a great kid and makes few demands, we accommodate him every year. On my end, I've always enjoyed it, especially now, having him when all the kids are back in school. Last summer, we went to the local theatre to see Percy Jackson and the Sea of Monsters for an afternoon matinee and were the only two in the theatre. I didn't even turn off my phone as we sat there, openly and loudly discussing salient plot points. Well, as salient as plot points can get, given Percy is the demi-god son of Poseidon, the Greek God of the Seas. According to this series, the Greek gods spent a lot of time whoring around Earth, knocking up or being knocked up by mortals. As gods go, it would seem they were all man-hoes and sluts. I mean, can you imagine trying to convince your buddies at the bar that you hooked up with Aphrodite the night before? "Yeah, right," they'd snicker, "Did she yell out, 'Oh my Zeus, oh my Zeus' as things got intense?"

Ahhhh, Summer-time and the living was easy,
say my home-boys at Nickel Brook Brewing...

But the point is this: if David is happily hanging with me for a week in September, it means something far bigger. Summer is now over. Not according to the calendar, of course, but for all we know the Gregorian Calendar was created by drunk Greek gods on Ho Leave from Olympus. To us mortals, school's back, summer's over, it's done like dinner, that's all she wrote. But that being said, it does not mean this Summer of 2014 has been forgotten. In fact...

This was the Summer that... I finally learned the IBU (international bitterness units) of Alexander Keith's India Pale Ale, thanks to the menu of Fionn MacCool's in Oakville where my high school friend Liz and I enjoyed a Craft Addict Thursday at the end of July while she was in town from British Columbia. And the IBU of Keith's? Yeah, that would be 17... slightly above tap water. In fact, the much-promoted Keith Hops Series - their Cascade, Hallertauer and Galaxy Hop beers - run 25 to 30 IBUs. Don't get me wrong, they're pretty decent step-up beers for the mainstream brew swillers but you wanna knock on the door of Donny's Bar and Grill? You better be packing 60-plus IBUs. That said, I suppose I applaud the brewery for stepping outside the "safe zone." *Polite golf applause*

According the Beer Musketeer Stevil St Evil, the rules at
Donny's Bar and Grill are remarkably simple to follow....

This was the Summer that... I learned a woman's memory goes back much farther than I realized. While I was with Liz and she asked about David, I explained that my ex-wife and I had done a pretty good job of co-parenting, carrying punishments over from one domicile to another so that neither parent got the luxury of being the "fun one." Liz remembered a different time when I actually bragged about being the "fun parent" and how great that was. She admitted as a single parent herself at the time, she remembered thinking, "Shut up, asshole." That was over 15 years ago. Women forget nothing! Ever! Be warned, gentlemen, this will happen to you, too.

Is Shocktop a craft beer? Not according to one young lady,
who attended the Toronto Festival of Beer and decided
to dress down the ladies at the booth who made that claim

This was the Summer that... I  realized if a brewery is going to make a claim, they better back it up with facts. When I attended the Toronto Festival of Beers in July, I roamed from tent to tent, trying dozens of new beers. One of them, which I thought I'd hate but quite liked, was the Kensington Brewing Watermelon Wheat. But as I wandered off to another tent, a tiny young lady, who saw me taking notes, flew up and asked me what I thought. I had to admit that I liked it and it turned out, so did she. But she quickly related the story of being at the Shocktop booth. Now Shocktop is a Belgian white brewed in Canada by Labatt and in America by Anheuser Busch. But it's not identified as such, listing only Shocktop Brewing on its cans and bottles. So the young women at the Shocktop booth, likely reading off a script, made the mistake of calling it a "craft beer" to this very craft-beer-savvy young lady.

How to lure Canadians into your establishment
in the dog days of Summer: Air-conditioning!

Oooooh, rookie mistake (not that was the servers' faults - they were simply hired to pour beer, be pretty and friendly.) Tiny Craft Lover went up one side of them and down the other, explaining to them why they could never call it craft. Her retelling this story to me drew hearty guffaws on my end as she was relentless. When she was done, I had to confess, "It's actually not a bad beer. I've had more than a few." She quickly acknowledged, "Oh, me too. Don't mind it at all. But don't ever call it craft!" Well, no, not while this feisty fire-plug's in the room.

This was the Summer that... I learned at that very same Toronto Festival of Beers that big brewers and smaller craft outlets can co-exist at an event. Please understand, every single Beer Fest I've been to prior to this was geared to the smaller craft breweries. Labatt and Molson's were all over the TFOB. (In many ways, I'm still a newbie to this - a year and a couple months but learning quickly - well, quickly for me. At least more quickly than I learned the Highway Traffic Act laws... and I've been doing that for decades. Still uncertain. ) One of the bonuses of the bigger guns being at a Beer Festival with their stacks of cash? Big-ass bands play there. This year on the Friday, it was K-OS with The Planet Smashers as openers. On Saturday, the day I was there, it was heavy-hitters The Trews.

Colin MacDonald, the lead singer for The Trews,
belts one out during the band's acoustic set. So
if you drink outstanding craft beer all afternoon
long and then see these guys? Top of the world!

On the Sunday, it was the Matthew Good Band with Wide Mouth Mason opening. Gotta say, not too shabby at all. Not complaining about the bands I'd seen at previous Craft Beer Fests - some of whom were quite good - but by comparison, they were kinda Bob And Three Drunk Guys Who Practised In Bob's Dad's Garage. While Bob's Mom brought them snacks - usually sandwiches with the crusts cut off... and some juice boxes, the preferred drink of real rockers everywhere!

This was the Summer that... I found a few really good new beers - the outstanding Mill Steet 100th Meridian Organic Lager, newbies out of Oshawa Underdog Brewing's All or Nothing Hopfenwiesse wheat beer and, apparently, been around for a while but hiding their light under a bushel-basket, Hanover's MacLean's Ales and their outstanding Pale Ale. But I'm not done talking about MacLean's or Underdog. Still, you know something? I'm running out of room... but not Summer 2014 stories. In a day or two, Lloyd and Vicky's kick-ass backyard bash, meeting my new grand-daughter, why Great Lake Breweries ruled the roost this Summer... and more fun that you can shake a stick at. (Again, if someone could explain... you shake a stick at fun because...?) But guys and dolls, that's it, that's all and I am outta here. Until next time, I remain, as always...