When the Roundhouse Craft Beer Festival took place on the Steam Whistle Brewing property on August 10-11, two awesome things happened. #1) The weather was perfect. And #2) I was there. Okay, okay, by "awesome", I mean awesome for me.
Now because it's been strongly suggested that I not attend any event with "Beer" in the name unattended, my boss, Allison, also came along for the ride. It's not legally-mandated or court-ordered. As I said, just "strongly suggested"... by every single person I know or who has ever met me. In my life. All of them.
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| A T-shirt from the hit TV show "Breaking Beer"... what? That's not what's it's called? Are you absolutely sure? |
Hosted by Steam Whistle Brewing on their property across the street from the SkyDome (hey, you wanna call it the Rogers Centre, be my guest, ya stinkin' sell-out... it'll always be the SkyDome to me), it played host to 15 small Ontario craft brewers, including Black Oak Brewing, King Brewery, Wellington Brewery, Grand River Brewing, Mill Street Brewery, Left Field Brewery, Hogsback Brewing, Flying Monkeys Brewery, Great Lakes Brewing, Beau's Brewing, Amsterdam Brewery, Lake of Bays Brewing, Nicklebrook Brewing, Neustadt Springs Brewery and, of course, the hosts themselves.
At the gate, we paid our $15 admission which came with a 200-ml taster's glass and bought an initial 20 wooden chips, which was the token you gave the server for the sample. (Panic not - more chips were in our future... many more...)
Our first destination was left in my hands and it was a slam-dunk. Beau's All-Natural Brewing. I have been dying to try the Beau's Lug-Tread Lagered Ale. It comes in 4-packs of 600-ml bottles at the LCBO and whenever a customer returns the empties and I ask about it, they absolutely rave. Beau's top-ferments it like an ale (lagers are bottom fermented) but then cold filters it like a lager. Frankly, I didn't even know that was possible but then, craft brewers are always a step ahead of everyone else. Verdict? Different and delicious.
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| Steam Whistle's Roundhouse is actual an old train station from days of yore. And because I behaved myself all day, they named a station after me. My story, sticking to it... |
From there, we bounced around with each booth offering up a beer (or three) that I've heard of... but never had. A Neustadt's 10W30 Malty Grain Premium Dark Ale here... a Great Lakes Brewery Crazy Canuck Pale Ale there... that is, until we got to the Flying Monkeys Brewing tent. Allison decided she wanted to try the Orangemungus (a creamsicle-flavoured beer). But I decided it was time for me to shake things up.
I looked to the clear-blue Heavens and swear I saw an image of singer Bobby McFerrin singing to me. (He's not dead - I don't think technically you have to be to appear in a vision. Unless he is dead. I really don't know...)
In his funky calypso voice, Bobby was singing to me, "Don't worry... be hoppy..." (We hadn't eaten yet which would explain the weird-ass hallucination...) Suddenly, it became clear to me. It was suddenly my mission to find the hoppiest India Pale Ales and Dark Ales there and try every single one.
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| This dude holds up his WWJB (What would Jesus brew?) T-shirt for me at the Craft Beer Fest. It was blasphilicious |
Flying Monkeys, which pretty much proved to be THE most popular tent there over the day and have the catchy company motto "Normal is Weird", did not let me down with their Smashbomb Atomic IPA. Remember last week when I explained the creation of hoppier IPA so British ship could make it to India without barrels of flat beer and how they're measured by IBUs (International Bitterness Units)? Well, let's put it this way... anything over 50 is considered as hoppy and bitter as hell. Smashbomb Atomic IPA clocks in at 72 IBU.
After that, Allison suggested that we hit the food trucks to pad our stomachs before continuing. (You see? That's PRECISELY why it's strongly recommended I not attend these things without a guardian. That sort of thing NEVER dawns on me!) So we ambled from truck to truck before settling on splitting a two-pound poutine offering with four cheeses, plus traditional curds and pulled pork on top. After consuming that, the beer never stood a chance.
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| This is where bosses like to stash their sample glass. Close to their hearts. Until beer time! |
Since Allison was not part of my Spiritual IPA Quest (simply because Bobby McFerrin did NOT sing to her from the Heavens and she continues to insist she didn't hear anything), we decided while I went IPA-nuts, she'd try other brews and we'd sample each other's. The best part of that? Watching her face contort every time she took a sip of one of my ultra-hoppy IPAs. The cost of a beer chip? $1. Watching your boss in wincing discomfort after a sip of beer? Priceless.
Next up, Amsterdam Brewing's Boneshaker IPA, which clocked in at 85 IBUs. Bones literally shook and at this point, my liver was begging my other internal organs to step in and help out. "Come on, spleen!" my liver wailed, "It's not like you do anything else!!"
From there, it was Nicklebrook's Headstock IPA, clocking in at 80 IBUs. At this point, my bladder was yelling at my liver, "Oh, YOU need help? Lah-dee-frickin-dah! I'm working double-overtime down here!!"
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| The Steam Whistle Brewery has a tons of 'faux' movie posters in its dining room. I posed by "The Editor" because I was one many times. It would be a dull flick! |
And then I stumbled (probably literally) upon the Motherhumping Killer Whale Mammoth Woolly Beast of all IPAs.
Ladies and gentlemen, Left Field Brewery's 6-4-3 Double IPA, named after the traditional sequence in a baseball double-play (shortstop to second base to first base). I didn't ask why they named it after a baseball play but at a whoppin' 92 IBUs, I'm gonna guess it's because it's so bitter, it feels like someone took a baseball bat to your skull.
Spiritual IPA Quest aside, we had the time of our lives. We met our Steam Whistle driver, Vince, who slid a bunch more beer chips in our hands, not to mention a bachelor party, which started at the Craft Beer Fest, went to a Blue Jays' game and came back only to realize there was no way they were going to finish their dozens and dozen of pre-bought chips in time. So they handed us about 20 more chips, some of which played a key role in the Spiritual IPA Quest.
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| Scientific Fact: Craft Beer Festivals increase the influence on gravity on all participants, my boss included! |
And finally, my heart chirped in, "Will you people all calm down? All this squawking over some ultra-bitter beer? I will keep you all alive but seriously, chill the hell out!! Now!!"
And that's how the Great Organ Debate of 2013 ended on a peaceful and harmonious note. True story.
So all in all, great day... sunshine, talked to a million people and me and my boss had the time of our lives. Not to mention, the inner peace brought to me (but not my organs) by the sacred Spiritual IPA Quest.
Okay, shout outs... if it's immoral, if it's depraved, well, you can count on my man, Steve. As always, you can catch the wild-man antics and genial insanity of life in New Zealand by clicking on Steve's blog: 5-Foot-19 And then, there's my man, Glenn, whose east-of-Toronto shenanigans, mostly centering on his burg, Oshawa, by clicking here: Shwa Stories
Okay, folks... next up, drinking Guinness with my brother, Gary, who popped in from Valencia, Spain. Until then, I remain...
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