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| This is where we spent Friday night upon arriving in Ottawa. Matty had a couple of breweries planned but we were all so comfortable here that we said, "Screw it" and just stayed put! It became the meeting place for those drifting into Ottawa. |
So a month ago, I got to Ottawa, no problem. I just listened to the wrong sign. I took Highway 15 North. I should have waited until Highway 416 North. What's the difference? Hwy 15 North is a two-lane country highway. Very scenic, I suppose, if that's your thing. Hwy 416 North, on the other hand, is a split four-lane highway that offers little scenery beyond rocks, fields and trees because who cares? I'm not going antique shopping at some rickety-ass barn. I'm driving to meet the 613 Ottawa Brew Crew for some good, old-fashioned drinking.
The problem is the little highway takes you through the downtown of Smith Falls, a place with which I am oddly familiar and continues on through the country-side on a windy two-lane road. Issue? About three of us were caught behind an OPP cruiser. Every 20 kilometres or so, a centre lane opens up so you can pass slower vehicles.
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| Adam Marsh, the head brewer at Orleans Brewing, on the right. "Okay, listen carefully! You put your left foot in, you put your left foot out, you put your left foot in and then you shake it all about." Josh Hayter, owner of Spearhead Brewing, left: "And I thought my brewers were crazy." No, actually, Adam was awesome on the tour, showing us all the little tricks! |
As for getting to my hotel, the Hampton Inn, well, I kinda overshot that. I had my Google Maps on and it did show the hotel but didn't name the exit street. I was pulled over on the highway, trying to figure it out. Nope, no sir. Eventually, when I realized I was headed to Montreal, I doubled back and a nice lady at a gas station helped me.
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| Paul, left, seems distracted by something in the brewing area of Orlean's Brewing. I know that look. "I wondered which one of these fermenting tanks has got the Double IPA?" Meanwhile, Matty, Joel and Josh are all paying attention in class. Brewer Adam was a pretty good instructor for all things beer while we were there. He also sat down and drank with us! |
Eventually, I found the place and after several tries of the room key not working, I even got into my room. Shortly thereafter, Matty and Joel texted me to met them in front of the Marriott, where Josh, the owner of Spearhead Brewing, was staying. Our two hotels were a minute apart, connected by the Ottawa Convention Centre.
So after viewing him on video, I finally got to see Josh beyond the confines of the internet. "It's nice to finally meet you in person," he said, shaking my hand. If I had a buck for everyone who's met me, said that and then later wished they could take it back, well, I would have flown to Ottawa. In a private charter plane.
So the four of us all hopped into Matty's ride (he, Joel and Ben are all about 25 minutes out of the city in different directions) and off we went to Orlean's Brewing in, well, Orleans.
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| Before they came to pick up Josh and myself, Matty and Joel were having a wobbly at Big Rig Brewing around the corner from our two hotels. You may remember this scene from June 1st where the brewery cleared everyone but employees out so that Prime Minister Justin Trudeau and Barack Obama could share a quiet beer. I really liked Obama. Always considered him the coolest/best President ever. |
Once at the brewery, we were greeted warmly by owners Celia and Yann Lemieux. In fact, the greeting for Josh was especially friendly. Seems the couple and Josh go back a while as he has been contracting brewing some of their beers over in Kingston. I suppose that's not too surprising since this bricks-and-mortar facility didn't open until May 11th of this year and I've been seeing their cans, mostly their Smokin' Brown Ale and their Billy Bob Bison Pale Ale, at LCBOs for a while now.
So Yann settled in at the table with John, Matty, Joel and myself and soon enough, we all commenced the drinking and story-telling portion of the evening.
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| When we were doing the Kichesippi Brewing tour, Paul did what everyone does. Climbs the stairs to peer into the tanks. Not sure why we all do this. The tanks are usually empty. Not quite sure what we think we're gonna see... |
From the time they registered their names to finally opening in May, it took them close to three years. Even though they're smack-dab in the middle of industrial-commercial lands, they still faced zoning challenges. (As someone who put in five years at a City Hall, technically they shouldn't have had that headache... but I know for a fact they were gonna anyway, if you follow.) And, of course, construction. And this. And that. Truth is it simply takes that long to get all the various and sundry permission slips from City Hall. As Yann talked about a few of the bigger challenges, I could see Josh out of my peripheral nodding at everything he mentioned. They both know. Likely still have the scars and welts to prove it.
But now with a good chunk of a year under their belt (they unofficially opened in February), they can finally sit back and relax, right? Yeah, just shittin' ya. Celia was on the hustle all night and Josh got pulled into late-night road duty to restock some party they were sponsoring. Just like there is no crying in baseball, there is no relaxing in owning a brewery. But Brewer Adam filled the void at the table and waited for more of the gang to show before taking us on the tour.
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| Hey, it's Yann The Man! I tell you this. Yann and Celia (as well as Brewer Adam) made us feel so comfortable at Orlean's Brewing that while we had plans to visit other places on Friday night, we all said, nah, let's just stay here. Eventually, it became the place we all met up. Just great there! |
But at some point, Josh looked at Matty and said, "Look, I've been watching you score these guys beer photos and I can't quit figure out your scoring." So Matty leans back in his chair and starts. "Well, lemme tell you. It's a very complicated algorithm that I..."
(*Record scratches loudly*) Okay, allow me to stop the runaway bullshit train before it leaves the station. Algorithm, my Irish ass. There is no algorithm. I haven't heard words that nonsensical since, I dunno, Miley Cyrus' "Party in the USA." However, and Matty does get full marks for this, what he does when he judges one of our pictures is he puts it under his microscope, looking for the smallest of details. With one of mine, I got bonus marks for a propane tank in the distant background. I was, like, really? But there it was. A random propane tank.
No, what had Josh puzzled was Matty's bonus and deduction points, which I know are made up on the spot. He'll say something like "Bonus marks for the bird-feeder in the background." And you'll check and go, "Shit, there is a bird-feeder!" And then he'll say something full of shit like, "Deduction as a Peregrine Falcon could not fit into the bird-feeder's access hole." And you're like, "No, I guess it wouldn't... wait! What? Why the eff would a falcon use a goddamn bird-feeder?"
But I'll tell you something else for free. A bunch of us have really upped our creativity for beer photos this Summer. I mean, there's no trophy or anything - it's just a fun thing. But fun things have a way of becoming, well, competitions, especially where bonehead guys are involved. While Danny, Glen, Joel and myself have all had our turns atop the leaderboard, Mississauga friend, Paulie G, and Guelph Brew Crew member Curtis have pretty much owned it this Summer. Their beer photos have been phenomenal. I mean, like Drunk Polkaroo level.
And while it seems like a silly game that silly boys are playing, you could slap a few of Curtis' and Paulie's pics in any glossy magazine. And, frankly, that's just good social media advertising for any brewery whose beer and glasses are being enjoyed. Except that it's associated with us. Every situation has its pluses and minuses, I suppose.
And while it seems like a silly game that silly boys are playing, you could slap a few of Curtis' and Paulie's pics in any glossy magazine. And, frankly, that's just good social media advertising for any brewery whose beer and glasses are being enjoyed. Except that it's associated with us. Every situation has its pluses and minuses, I suppose.
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| This is Carlin at Kichesippi Brewing. Carlin was institutionalized after guiding our tour. The word is Carlin is eating solid food again and recognizes at least two dozen English words. But he howls at night. Like a coyote. We all wish nothing but the best for Carlin and his PTSD. He was a good guy. |
Anyways, before I was ready to wing off to Sin City, the at-the-time high score atop Judge Matty's leaderboard was Curtis, Danny, Joel, Paulie G, me, Glenn, no, Danny, no wait, Joel, no, it's me. Probably Paulie G... no, Curtis. Then I left Canada and the Photo Natives ran wild so I don't know anymore. Probably Curtis. His pics were artistic and creative smoke-shows. But man, I have seen some dynamite craft beer and branded glassware photos this Summer. So Matty gets the much-deserved credit there. But he also loses credit for being... you know, Matty. Life is full of checks and balances.
Okay, kicking off the big Saturday tour was Kichesippi Brewing, which apparently moved out of their old digs at the dead-end of an industrial strip (because, hey, think of all the foot traffic... *cough*) and into a former 10,000-square-foot car dealership in Bells Corners area of Ottawa. Okay, this was one dope-ass set-up. All of the old mechanic bays now hold the brewing equipment, offices are still offices and the old showroom? Yeah, that's their tap-room. I shit you not. It's humongous! Pretty much the sexiest lay-out I've seen in an Ontario craft brewery. And the potential to do even more with it? Aye carumba!
Okay, so this young, eager employee named Carlin has to take us on a tour. My Nepean Beer Store Bro Ben has this all set up with brewery owner, Paul Meek.
Each of the Ottawa guys had their assignments for the weekend. This was Ben's, as he is a buddy of Paul.
(Quick sidebar if I could. Now remember, I have a secret mission on this trip. Adam from Beau's, who worked briefly for Spearhead Josh, told me that he had never seen the man laugh. My secret mission on this Ottawa sojourn? Make Josh laugh!! Did I? Well, you gotta keep reading.)
So anyway, we all assembled in the humongous tap-room as Carlin told us the game-plan. The usual. A walk through the brewery portion of the building until we get back to the showroom to try some samples. Every brewery plays off some kind of variation on that theme. It's tried and true.
At one point, Josh leaned over to me and said, "I think this guy is afraid of us." Still looking at Carlin, I muttered back, "No shit! We look like a biker gang."
And we actually kinda did. Me with my long hair. Josh, Glenn, Paul and Matty with their beards. Ben with his shaved head and chin goat. Danny's from Sudbury so he gives off that I-Carry-An-Ax vibe. Joel looks and sounds like every bouncer in Quebec. And Curtis, well, he... I mean, he totally... okay, Curtis looks like our Parole Officer. Every group has its Brad Pitt, I guess. He's ours.
But did Josh laugh? No, Betsy, he did not. I got a wide smile and an upper body shake... but no laughter. I would keep trying. If Carlin was anything, most likely he was perhaps a little intimidated. I mean, our group was nine craft beer lovers. But breaking that down, there were two home-brewers, three Beer Store employees, two beer bloggers, a part-time craft brewery employee and an actual craft brewery owner. That's a tough crowd to play. And actually, Carlin did a great job. Yeah, he misnamed some of the equipment in the brewing area but his forte is the tap-room and he did a great job there, walking us through their releases and their various flavour profiles.
But "Man, was Carlin ever afraid of us!" (he wasn't at all) became the day's running joke.
Once people were into their samples and talking in small groups, I did what I always do and wandered away from the pack for a while to go exploring. It's a "Hands In Pockets" policy, though. If an office door's open, walk in, touch nothing, eyes only. At one point, I saw sort of a small photo shrine to a woman named Kelly. So I asked one of the servers about it. Here's where the story gets sad. Kelly was owner Paul's wife and business partner in the brewery. Twenty years ago, she was diagnosed with a neuromuscular disorder, which caused her muscles and nerves to slowly deteriorate. She spend her last 16 years in a wheelchair before finally succumbing in April. But she did get to see the new brewery property just days before she passed. I'm not sure why I'm sharing this except, I guess, to show craft breweries are just like the rest of the world, made up of real people with real-life issues.
But back to our day, the three big favourites at the brewery, from what I saw, were the Stormy Monday IPA, which I really love, their Corktown Dry Stout, which was all nitro-ed up (in our crowd, nitro anything is a huge draw) and the always-reliable 1855 Amber Ale, one of the Province's best red ales.
We have repeatedly told owner Paul how much fun we had there, continued to beat that "We Sent Carlin To Therapy" dead horse on Twitter and the truth is the brewery kicked off a great day on the right note.
I hadn't made Josh laugh (yet) but dammit, the day was just beginning and in Ottawa, Part Three coming soon (now that I'm back from Vegas), we'll have stops at Beyond The Pale Brewing, Waller St. Brewing, Bicycle Craft Brewing and then ending the night at the big gun, Dominion City Brewing.
And Carlin, a word of advice. If you're making a speech, technically you can't make any mistakes because none of us knows what you're gonna say in the first place. Also we have beers in our hands so none of us really gives a shit. Tell you, dude, it's easy-peasy! But Scooby Doo Gang, that's it, that's all and I am outta here. Until next time, I remain...
Okay, kicking off the big Saturday tour was Kichesippi Brewing, which apparently moved out of their old digs at the dead-end of an industrial strip (because, hey, think of all the foot traffic... *cough*) and into a former 10,000-square-foot car dealership in Bells Corners area of Ottawa. Okay, this was one dope-ass set-up. All of the old mechanic bays now hold the brewing equipment, offices are still offices and the old showroom? Yeah, that's their tap-room. I shit you not. It's humongous! Pretty much the sexiest lay-out I've seen in an Ontario craft brewery. And the potential to do even more with it? Aye carumba!
Okay, so this young, eager employee named Carlin has to take us on a tour. My Nepean Beer Store Bro Ben has this all set up with brewery owner, Paul Meek.
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| Courtesy of Beer Bro Glenn, here's me on the Kichesippi Keggernator Bicycle. Both Paul and I thought of stealing the bike but realized, shit, pedaling this beast would pretty much kill us. So we stuck to drinking beers and letting the newfangled horseless buggies drive us around the town. |
(Quick sidebar if I could. Now remember, I have a secret mission on this trip. Adam from Beau's, who worked briefly for Spearhead Josh, told me that he had never seen the man laugh. My secret mission on this Ottawa sojourn? Make Josh laugh!! Did I? Well, you gotta keep reading.)
So anyway, we all assembled in the humongous tap-room as Carlin told us the game-plan. The usual. A walk through the brewery portion of the building until we get back to the showroom to try some samples. Every brewery plays off some kind of variation on that theme. It's tried and true.
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| Carlin: "Okay, I'd like to thank you all for coming and just say that this biker-looking dude on my left is kinda freaking me out a little." Well, our whole group of nine was kinda spooky looking, I suppose. |
And we actually kinda did. Me with my long hair. Josh, Glenn, Paul and Matty with their beards. Ben with his shaved head and chin goat. Danny's from Sudbury so he gives off that I-Carry-An-Ax vibe. Joel looks and sounds like every bouncer in Quebec. And Curtis, well, he... I mean, he totally... okay, Curtis looks like our Parole Officer. Every group has its Brad Pitt, I guess. He's ours.
But did Josh laugh? No, Betsy, he did not. I got a wide smile and an upper body shake... but no laughter. I would keep trying. If Carlin was anything, most likely he was perhaps a little intimidated. I mean, our group was nine craft beer lovers. But breaking that down, there were two home-brewers, three Beer Store employees, two beer bloggers, a part-time craft brewery employee and an actual craft brewery owner. That's a tough crowd to play. And actually, Carlin did a great job. Yeah, he misnamed some of the equipment in the brewing area but his forte is the tap-room and he did a great job there, walking us through their releases and their various flavour profiles.
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| Trust me, at this point in Glenn's life, he's thrilled if anything wants to go home with him. Would he prefer a lovely woman? Yes, absolutely! But hey, beer's a damn good runner-up to him. |
Once people were into their samples and talking in small groups, I did what I always do and wandered away from the pack for a while to go exploring. It's a "Hands In Pockets" policy, though. If an office door's open, walk in, touch nothing, eyes only. At one point, I saw sort of a small photo shrine to a woman named Kelly. So I asked one of the servers about it. Here's where the story gets sad. Kelly was owner Paul's wife and business partner in the brewery. Twenty years ago, she was diagnosed with a neuromuscular disorder, which caused her muscles and nerves to slowly deteriorate. She spend her last 16 years in a wheelchair before finally succumbing in April. But she did get to see the new brewery property just days before she passed. I'm not sure why I'm sharing this except, I guess, to show craft breweries are just like the rest of the world, made up of real people with real-life issues.
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| "Seriously, guys, stay on the other side of the fence, at least five feet away from me!" warned Carlin. Actually he was showing us the outdoor patio, explaining what area was and wasn't licenced and telling us about their upcoming Oktoberfest. If you're in the Ottawa area next month, check out their website for information. |
But back to our day, the three big favourites at the brewery, from what I saw, were the Stormy Monday IPA, which I really love, their Corktown Dry Stout, which was all nitro-ed up (in our crowd, nitro anything is a huge draw) and the always-reliable 1855 Amber Ale, one of the Province's best red ales.
We have repeatedly told owner Paul how much fun we had there, continued to beat that "We Sent Carlin To Therapy" dead horse on Twitter and the truth is the brewery kicked off a great day on the right note.
I hadn't made Josh laugh (yet) but dammit, the day was just beginning and in Ottawa, Part Three coming soon (now that I'm back from Vegas), we'll have stops at Beyond The Pale Brewing, Waller St. Brewing, Bicycle Craft Brewing and then ending the night at the big gun, Dominion City Brewing.
And Carlin, a word of advice. If you're making a speech, technically you can't make any mistakes because none of us knows what you're gonna say in the first place. Also we have beers in our hands so none of us really gives a shit. Tell you, dude, it's easy-peasy! But Scooby Doo Gang, that's it, that's all and I am outta here. Until next time, I remain...
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