Casinos and Oktoberfests and beers... oh my!

Seneca Casino in Niagara Falls, New York. They knew I was
coming so the spotlights came on... to try and catch me first!

Well, I had a rare Saturday off two weekends ago from the Beer Store... so what to do? What to do? Well, let's not mince words. It was sunny and beautiful out so drinking beer was definitely on the daily forecast. (Much like it would have been if the weather was crap... I don't let Mother Nature dictate Happy Hour... miserable old bitch...)

So I broached the "where" with my beautiful partner-in-crime, Michele and turns out she had an idea. A damn good one, actually. Seems she and her girlfriends are big fans of heading to Seneca Casino in Niagara Falls, New York for their annual Girls Night Outs. And by annual, I mean, sounds like they go at least once a month. Because girls will be girls, you only live once and any number of rationalizations that spell out the same thing: "Sketchy judgement and risk-taking is fun!"

I won $127 on a penny slot machine called Bier Haus... I wish
I was kidding but no, the irony is busy beating me to death

Hell, throw beer into the mix and I'm pretty much there. Sketchy Judgement, Risk-Taking and Beer are basically the first three chapters in The Story Of Don. So Seneca Casino it was!

Now despite five trips to Las Vegas, I'm honestly not much of a gambler. This day would be no different. Whether it's Vegas or Niagara Falls, I have noticed one thing: feed the bartender some money, there's a pay-off every time. I like a sure thing. So I play the penny slots because one $20 bill equals 2,000 credits and stretches out the gaming fun. I'm not there to strike it rich. I'm there to drink beer... and not go broke doing so.

Magic Hat #9 Not Quite Pale Ale was my first American
craft beer purchase actually on American soil! The verdict?

So I fed a $10 bill into a slot machine and basically, played it and a bunch others. My gambling system is this: no quick pay-off? Cash out and feed the cash voucher into another machine. Until that machine pays out... then it's "see ya later" because I've used up its luck. No casino is gonna get rich from me. My $10 got up to about $48 and I told Michele, "The minute it hits $50, I'm cashing out and using a fresh bill." It never did. In fact, slowly but surely, it dropped to 191 credits... so $1.91. Then I found a machine called - no joke - Bier Haus, complete with a cartoon of a pretty blonde German lady with two huge... flagons of ale. So in went my 191 credits. Got up to about $4 and then suddenly, the machine informed me I had 20 free-spins... which the machine does itself. Lights were flashing, lines were connecting in an incomprehensible way... and within about two minutes, those 400 credits were suddenly 12,700 credits. So $127. I cashed out.

How is a Burlington (Ontario) American Style Pale Ale better
than a North Burlington, Vermont one? Beats me but yeah...

And that was it for my gambling on the day. Walked in with $100 to wager, walked out with $167... all good. (I mistakenly put a $20 bill in a $5 Blackjack machine... gone in 60 seconds...) Michele left with about $200 profit but she's a slot pro next to me what with those Girls Nights. (Note to self: she gambles, drinks beers, loves road trips... hmmm, my Spider-Sense is tingling... oh yeah... keeper. Also she made me some kick-ass chili so... well, guys will understand.)

However, Brew Ha Ha! is in the United States... what am I gonna do? Damn straight. Find some American craft beer. And I did... at a 7-11, all of places. Grabbed a 6-pack of Magic Hat #9 Not Quite Pale Ale from North Burlington, Vermont. The verdict? Well, no offense, America but Flying Monkeys Hoptical Illusion Almost Pale Ale (Barrie) and especially Spearhead Hawaiian Style Pale Ale (Toronto) blow this out of the water. It's decent, good, actually... but not great. I expect my craft brew to be the exception to the rule. As I have discovered, that is not always the case.

So there's GOOD vanilla...
and BAD vanilla...

However, I wouldn't be Brew Ha Ha! if I left you with a below-average Pale Ale. So I won't. On your behalf (all you, not me) I tried a Naughty Neighbour American Style Pale Ale out of Nickel Brook Brewery in my city of Burlington. Okay, it's a pale ale so just 38 IBUs (international bitterness units) and 4.9%, making it palatable to pretty much everyone. AND just as good as Hoptical or Spearhead. RateBeer agrees, giving it an outstanding 94. Try it... it's damn good. And to me, local!

Okay, to prove I'm not dissing American crafties, I tried a Granville Island Lions Winter Ale not too long ago. I truly have loved EVERY Granville Island offering so far... until this one. Holy crap... WAY too much vanilla!!! Too sweet! I can't say it's a bad beer because everyone at my store except me loves this stuff. Co-worker Saga regularly recommends it. I cannot. That said, I can't let a beer so many (other than me) truly like go without use. So here's a nod to food guru Jackie, The Beeroness, out of California, who has a website using craft beers in food recipes. Lions Winter is a dark ale, not a porter, but man, it would work really well  in her Vanilla Bean Smoked Porter French Toast recipe right here, which I'll call...Try Lions Winter In This  I bet Lions Winter would rock this!

But is it the vanilla that throwing me off? Uh, no. Not at all. Toronto's Mill Street Brewery came out with a Vanilla Porter Draught that's absolutely delicious. This is definitely a cold winter day kind of beer. As it turns out, it's also an Autumn Writing A Blog Today kind of beer. RateBeer.com bears this out... 88 for the Vanilla Porter, 62 for the Lions Winter. I would have made that spread much larger. But I'm not gonna argue with co-workers... even if they're messed up and weird. You can get it in single cans at the LCBO. Even if you're not a porter drinker (which I didn't think I was), try one. Less than $3 a can. Worth every penny. Also worth trying in Jackie's French Toast recipe, I would say.

Mill Street Oktoberfest: Where German-type Lederhosen dudes chug beer
upside-down. Saga's in this picture but I can't say where. Hint: cheesy beard.

And speaking of Mill Street, last Thursday, me, Saga and co-worker Scotty went to Mill Street Brewery's Oktoberfest and man, fun was had. As well as the many Mill Street offerings (as host bar), there were nine other craft breweries on hand, mostly with their specialty one-offs.

As soon as I was through the door, the first offering I saw? Flying Monkeys Red-On-Red Ale at a nifty 9.5%. My favourite brewery? A high-test beer? Me with a cheesy little 8-ounce mug? Yeah, they saw some of my business. Hoppy as hell for a red ale... had to be at least 60 IBUs. Loved it. Also on that list? Lake of Bays 10 Point IPA. Awesome beer. Pretty sure it's in their regular line-up so watching for it.

But the best moment of the night (as many are if you work with this dude) came from Saga. Saga is all about funky malts. I am all about kick-ass Chuck Norris-level hops. That's why they call me Hopmaster D and why they call Saga... Weird Squirrel Guy.
So anyway, Saga is trying all these funky malt beers.

Why to love Oktoberfest: Das Bier Boot...

And at the Mill St bar, he sees a root beer flavoured beer on the spigots.
So he ponies up his beer chip and gets that. I hate root beer so I had a sip. Tasted exactly like root beer. *Ugh* But Saga's impressed.
Another guy comes up to the bar and says, "I'll try that root beer flavoured one..." Saga says: "Dude, it's great! Tastes exactly like root beer!"
To which the pretty bartender says: "Uhhh, that's because it IS root beer..."  And that's the story of how Mr Malt, Saga, blew a beer chip on soda pop. And because he and I are both big Breaking Bad fans, I had to go all Jesse Pinkman on his ass. "Bitch, you got A&W-ed, yo!"

"Hey honey, can you get me a...?" No!!! Not even once!!!!

Okay, that's it for this go-around. German beers coming but I have so many, it may be two blogs... or one that's basically... "Sucks, sucks, great, great, sucks, sucks..."

Shout-outs. Stevil St Evil is a bad bad man. Awful bad. Ashamed to know him. Terrible evil. But hey, he's also a crapload of fun, too!!! Here he is, in all his evil glory: Way Taller Than You And then there's Glenn. Freak show... but low-level... a light no-name margarine to Steve's rich creamy butter. Glenn's here talking about some chick show at:  Why Am I Talking About This?

That's it, space cadets... I am the eff outta here! Until next time, I remain...