Radio Wars and a damn fine wheat

This is what it looks like when Cassy and Ryan square off at
work. Right now, they're the centre figures in Radio Wars...
This is NOT Cassy and Ryan, just an incredible simulation!

We have a vicious, no-holds-barred battle going on at work right now and trust me when I say it's every bit as blood-curdling as anything you've ever witnessed on Game of Thrones.

Radio Wars. On one side of the ring is our genial gentle giant Ryan, a soon-to-be lawyer and former professional football player. On the other side is an unlikely opponent, pint-sized Sassy Cassy, who maybe hits five-feet tall (but probably not) and is a Kinesiology student at Lakehead University in Thunder Bay, now spending her second summer with us. Now let me explain something - while our store has music piped into the lobby and cooler where customers browse at the beer, it is provided by a service and gets repetitive if it's all you have to listen to all day. Also, nothing in that music selection was recorded after 1985 and while there are some really great classic tunes on that loop up to and including Black Sabbath and Led Zeppelin, I see no sane reason why someone like co-worker Saga in his mid-20s should know all the words to schlock-rockers Styx' greatest hits from the late-1970s. It just seems... wrong. And possibly immoral. And also a union complaint-in-the-making.  If you are a long-time Styx fan, I truly apologize. Here goes: I'm sorry your taste in music blows so many nasty chunks.

Yeah, well, if Cassy gets her way, no way for sure

But back to Cassy and Ryan. Every store I've ever worked at has had separate music in the back, usually in the empty return area. That radio, though a different one in every store, has had one thing in common in every store - it's always a long-discarded boom-box from the 1980s, usually dug out of Mom's and Dad's basement and gladly offered up as a sacrifice. It is not only used for alternative music but also sporting events, such as the ongoing World Cup, the Olympics and of course, Toronto Maple Leaf hockey. (I have 'heard' some wonderful goals and saves during the World Cup - those British announcers go nuts. I love it.) And there is a long-standing unspoken rule - whoever is manning the empty return cash register chooses the radio station. If that's Cassy, the choice is a dance music station out of Toronto and if it's Ryan, it's an old-and-new rock station out of Hamilton. Between these two, the rules have changed a little. Whoever is closest to the radio - or even walking past it - changes it back to their station to spite the other, regardless of who is manning the cash register.

Okay, definitely the right day to visit this bar!!!

It's a funny little war to watch from the sidelines - a lot like that Falkland Island War between the British and Argentina back in 1982 where the British warships spent several days in the Atlantic Ocean slowly sailing south to reclaim their land. The British announcers had a harder time staying enthusiastic about that. "The warships are still sailing south... still in water... there's a passing seagull... oh, hang tight because in three days, this will be bloody exciting! Go lads go! God save the Queen. And now back to Coronation Street... We'll return in an hour."

Against staggering odds, which include Ryan situating the radio far beyond her reach, Cassy seems to be winning this Radio War. And that's despite having a huge weakness - she is deathly allergic to onions. So much so, she has an epi-pen in her cubby, should we need it. Once she got playfully lippy with me and I warned her, "Girl, I could take you down with one onion, rub it on your face and then hover that epi-pen two feet over your thigh while yelling, 'Say you're sorry! I mean it! I will take you out, bitch...'" She laughed out loud when I said it but I think still eyes me a little bit uneasily to this day. I shall give you the victor of Radio Wars at summer's end when they return to school.

My favourite thing about this beer is that it has
serving suggestions on the six-pack. The first?
Bacon and eggs or pancakes and waffles. So, in
essence, if you're starting your day by drinking
beer, hey, this is the one. One day, I will do that!

Okay, let's talk beer. Recently returning to the market for the summer is Muskoka Brewery's Summer Weiss. Once upon a time, Muskoka called this Hefe-Weissbier before tweaking the recipe, brightening up the packaging - yellow, then some bright yellow and after that, a bit more yellow - and renaming it a couple of summers back. I had one last summer but I'm quite glad I never reviewed it. You see, I had also just finished a Howe Sound Brewery's King Heffy Imperial Hefeweizen, the single best Canadian wheat I've ever had and the Summer Weiss may not have stacked up fairly against that monster. This deserves to be judged on its own merits, not against an imperial wheat and thus, I waited until now. (Fortunately, I found many other beers to drink and review in the meantime... I know, I know, shocking... okay, could someone's jaw drop like an anvil the way that cartoon wolf's does? Anyone?)

The Summer Weiss has an aroma that has never by itself been a stand-alone scent - banana. It is all you get from the sniff. Well, "all I got" would be more accurate - I'm sure many reviewers got other things but once something's firmly entrenched in my brain, it takes over. Also now, I want a banana. I see the ones I bought last week to "have some healthy fruit in the house" have gone their traditional black shade. Bananas in my place are there, much like the leaves in Autumn, simply because it's fun to watch them change colour. The wheat but not much of the traditional orange is noticeable on the tongue, however, there is some of the expected spice. The Hefe-Weissbier reviews mention bubble gum a lot. Definitely not getting that in this subsequently tweaked recipe. This is a very nice well-above-the-Canadian-average white/wheat that will happily return to Donny's Bar and Grill. Looking like a hot summer out there.

The front four for Team Poland - Zywiec, Tyskie, Lezajsk and Warka Strong.
I had previously had three of the four. Only Lezajsk remained. Now done...

Couple of clunkers to bring into the mix. Hey, I can completely ignore 'em or talk about the beer elephants in the bar. I'm going full Cliff Clavin Mode. While at the liquor store recently, I was looking at the single bottles, notably the European ones, a Polish man approached me to ask if I had ever had a Lezajsk. I hadn't. I had the Zywiec, Tyskie, Warka Strong and several others... but no, not the Lezajsk. Well, this elderly man recounted at length about how Lezajsk was the exclusive brewery to King Sigismund back in the 1500s and what a noble time in Polish history that was.

The end of Italy's run in the 2014 World Cup
left some of their fans a little disgruntled...

I will certainly take him at his word there, despite the lack of indoor plumbing in the 1500s. Also my knowledge of Polish history is pretty much limited to what this man told me. Go, King Sigismund, you rock star! Wait, the 1500s... you harp and lute star!!! But one telling sign was that he kept coming back to the fact that it was 50-cents less per bottle than the other three. Good reason - it's the weakest of the four beers by a considerable distance. Grainy on the nose, grassy on the tongue, it is miles behind behind the Polish leader Tyskie. If I see that nice Polish man again, I have every intention of handing him a $10 bill and saying, "Upgrade to Tyskie for the next 20 beers."

Also since I have two Italian co-workers, I took home a Peroni to drink during their game against Uruguay, a make-or-break for the Italy side. While Italy lost 1-0, the game was marked by the "Bite Heard Around The World" when Uruguay's Luis Suarez decided to take a chunk out of Italian defender Giorgio Chiellini's shoulder. Apparently, that's a big deal. Not sure why. At times when I'm hungry, I too feel like a little bite of Italian. And the Peroni? Two words: just don't. Again, not horrible (meaning I finished it) but certainly nothing special. But when it comes to beer, hey, that Italy makes some great wine, right?

Okay, guys and dolls, that's it, that's all and I am outta here!!! Until next time, as always, I remain...

How YOU doin', America?

"I tell ya, this is a helluva way to spend July 4th..."

You know, we aren't really taught much about American history up here in Canada so really, anything we learn, we learn from the streets... the dirty, dirty streets... (Not really. We're very clean up here.)

So at first, I'll confess that I thought Independence Day was one of those made-up holidays, created by the independence companies to sell more independence. You know, like Valentine's Day but with less flowers.

It wasn't until 1996 when I saw a documentary about Independence Day that I realized it was a real thing. I tell you one thing about this documentary - when Will Smith punched that alien in the face? Whoa, then I knew this holiday was for real.

"I am NOT Bill Paxton... I repeat, NOT Bill Paxton!"

And then when your President, Bill Pullman, gave that kick-ass speech to all the soldiers and then flew that fighter jet himself? I don't mind saying, a single tear trickled down my cheek as I stood up and saluted him. And just when I thought things couldn't get any cooler, one of your leading scientific minds, Jeff Goldblum, figured out a way to download a computer virus onto the alien ship... without ONCE getting an Adobe update?? Man, that was something. I'm just glad your Vice-President at the time wasn't Bill Paxton because I seriously confuse him and Pullman all the time.

Oh, yeah... I also read something on Wikipedia about you not wanting to send the British any more taxes and throwing a bunch of their tea into Boston Harbor (sorry... "Hah-bah" is the proper Boston pronunciation) a couple of hundred years ago but I'll be frank. I liked the documentary's explanation better. More guns, less tea...

Stone Brewery's Ruination IPA. I'll tell you this for free,
America. Ruination could ruin your nation - it's that good!

But to celebrate this great day due to your stunning victory over the alien hordes, it's time to look back on the past year and remember some of the outstanding American craft beers I've enjoyed. Naturally, I'm gonna start with my favourite kind, the IPAs but rest assured, a lot of American beer styles were sampled by me and we'll get to the best of them all. Now since I've already reviewed all of these, I won't get into any of the "this on the nose, this on the tongue" stuff. I'm just gonna tell you what this Canuck thought was a Top Gun, another fighter pilot movie... but sadly lacking in aliens? Geezuz, Tom Cruise, don't waste my time - go jump on a couch or something.

Stone Brewery, out of Escondido, California, produces Ruination IPA, one of the single best beers that I've had in my life.

Green Flash Brewing Company's West Coast IPA...
♫ I wish they all could be California girls... ♫

Looking on RateBeer, there are 30 specialty variations of this IPA, as well as the regular one, above left. They've infused it with everything from blood oranges, habanero peppers, Jasmine Tea to the ashes of Dumbledore. I probably won't try any of the variations - most are one-offs and limited editions - but I don't really want to. Ain't nuthin' like the real thing, baby. Another winner is the Dogfish Head 90-Minute Imperial IPA out of Milton, Delaware, which was once called "probably the best IPA in America" by Esquire magazine. Maybe not these days with all the new challengers but still outstanding. Green Flash Brewing Co., out of sunny San Diego, found a fan in me when I caught a four-pack of their West Coast IPA last year and I can't forget the first American IPA I tried, Founder's excellent Centennial IPA from the brewery out of Grand Rapids, Michigan.

But the most fun I've had thus far with an American IPA has to be the Rogue Brutal IPA out of Newport, Oregon.

Sent this pic to Rogue Brewery's Twitter feed, explaining
this is how we keep our beers cold here up in Canada...

When I discovered it at a local LCBO last winter, I tried one and loved it. So I did what any rational man in my position would do - I went back and bought them all. Then I Tweeted the brewery and said that I had virtually cornered the market for all the Brutal IPA in Burlington, Ontario, Canada and that based on the Law of Supply and Demand, they better send more pronto. Whoever handles their Twitter replied a day later, "Why don't you just drink them?" To which, I unfortunately had to meekly reply, "Uh, yeah, look, here's the thing. I already did. Can you please send more?" To this day, that particular liquor store always has a ready supply. Beer Musketeer Stevil St Evil, also a Brutal fan, told me that a huge stream of Rogue beers became available in his hometown of Wellington, New Zealand and if I ever see their XS Imperial IPA, I am to jump on it like a fat kid chasing a doughnut down a hill.

I am a card-carrying member of Rogue Nation (as is Stevil) - yes, they actually send you a card, as well as some certificates, a bumper sticker and in my case, a bright yellow condom, which selflessly sacrificed itself in a water balloon fight. (What do you mean that's not what they're for?)

"Give me Liberty or give me some Liberty Ale! Okay, the ale"

So I would be remiss if I didn't mention Rogue's outstanding Dead Guy Ale. Brewed as a Maibock (Really? Not getting that from it), I found it just before the Brutal and the brewery gained an instant fan. Out of San Francisco came the storied Anchor Brewing Co's Liberty Ale. I had already had their famous Anchor Steam lager and enjoyed it but this ale stepped it up a notch.

And speaking of lagers, when I noticed Samuel Adams Boston Lager on tap at the bar where we held our Beer Store Christmas Party, where debauchery is not only expected, it is insisted upon, I was indeed a happy camper. I know they're a bigger name but hey, it's a tasty beer.

The United States of Beer. I live where this guy's left knee is.
It's cold where his crotch is. The sweater is the North Pole.

But the best American lager I had so far was Brooklyn Brewery's Lager, an amber/Vienna offering that scored an absurdly-high 89 on RateBeer. Lagers just don't get scores like that on RateBeer - ever! Usually being over 50 is the hallmark of a good lager on there as it's RateBeer's least favoured style.

Two American stouts both worthy of high praise are Lost Coast Brewery's 8 Ball Stout from Eureka, California and Cooperstown, NY's Brewery Ommegang's Game of Thrones' Take The Black Stout.  Ommegang's Game of Thrones' Iron Throne Blonde Ale (a nod to the Lannisters, who always pay their debts and occasionally die on the crapper) and their Hennepin Saison (which at 7.7% is the strongest saison I've ever had) are both worthy of mention as well.

Happy Independence Day from your Canadian friends...

And I will end this tribute to my friends from the south by noting some words on the Peace Arch, a monument created to honour the Treaty of Ghent between our two nations back in 1814. It stands exactly on the border between Blaine, Washington and Surrey, B.C., and on the American side, the  inscription reads: "Children of a common mother" (so y'know, brothers from another mother) and on our side, "Brethren dwelling together in unity", meaning we're expected to argue when we're playing X-Box 360. The arch has two iron gates, one coming from each side which meet in the middle with the inscription: "May these gates never be closed." Well, no kidding - you guys still have a ton of craft beer I want to try. Plus good luck keeping me out of Las Vegas. Happy Independence Day, gang!

Well, guys and dolls, that's it, that's all and I am outta here!!! Until next time, I remain...

Happy Canada D'eh! Take off, hosers!

"Here's to Canada... Go away!"

Absolutely no TV character had more fun mocking Canada than hilarious hound-dog bad-boy Barney Stinson from the show, How I Met Your Mother. Granted, it was always at the expense of Robin Scherbatsky, a Canadian ex-pat TV announcer who somehow landed in New York City.

Barney: It's not going to be easy like the Canadian Citizenship Test.
Robin: How do you know the Canadian Test is easy?
Barney: It's Canada! Number 1) Do you want to be Canadian? Number 2) Really?

Week in, week out, we laughed very loudly right along because hey, if you're gonna get dissed, taking a shot to the pills from TV's most awesome character of all time makes the laughs worth it. Plus we're Canada - everyone (Barney excepted) loves us.

Robin Scherbatsky hangin' and chillin' at The Hoser Hut...

Barney: Did you just say Canadian Thanksgiving was, and I'm quoting, the "real Thanksgiving"? What do Canadians even have to celebrate "aboot"?
Robin: Canadian Thanksgiving celebrates explorer Martin Frobisher's valiant yet ultimately unsuccessful attempt to find the North-West Passage.
Barney: Why are you guys even a country?

No, it's true. Frobisher never did find the North-West Passage but many years later, moronic rapper Kanye West and famous-for-no-actual-reason Kim Kardashian named their kid North West so it's not like it was all for naught. Granted, that also makes Kim's lady-parts the North West Passage. Frobisher was going the wrong way. As dysfunctional as this pair is, I think it's admirable that at least they gave their kid a sense of direction. 

Who let that bitch Veronica into Canada? And
Archie, give your head a shake, you dumb-ass
ginger. Betty looks exactly the same but blonde!

Naturally, as everything except gas stations and convenience stores are closed today to celebrate our country's 147th birthday, I took a chance and called Nickel Brook Brewery to see if they were open. Owner John Romano himself answered the phone. "Well, sort of, kind of, maybe," he noted. "What do you need?" A quick growler refill, I noted. "Come down within the hour."

Happy Canada Day to me! Turns out they were doing month-end inventory but could sneak a couple of growler refills into their afternoon. I'll never forget when I first bought the growlers from John last October or so. "Okay, it's very important that you drink these within four days," he noted ever-so-solemnly. A growler is slightly less than a six-pack in volume - 1.9 litres or 64 ounces to my American friends. To quote Barney, "Not Even Remotely A Challenge... Accepted!"

Yeah, that's pretty much true. Man-man, woman-woman, man-woman.
We are pretty much open with every sexual orientation suffering equally.

Barney in Canada standing on a chair in a Tim Horton's: Attention, Canada. I am Barney from America and I am here to fix your backward ass country. Number 1) Get real money. I don't know what board game this came from but it's a joke. There's kids playing hockey on the back. It's like you want us to make fun of you.

Just this past weekend under bright sunny skies, Toronto held the hugely-popular Gay Pride Parade, this year slugged the World Pride Parade. Beer Musketeer (and teacher) Cat happily hopped onto the Toronto District School Board float where revellers wore hot pink "WE TAKE NO BULLying" shirts to celebrate the board's Anti-Bullying Policy.

Cat with her friend Andrew, who's tough to spot because
he's wearing camouflage shorts, and two of her students

Now this annual event is about as Canadian as it gets. Toronto Police holster their pistols and carry high-powered super-soakers instead and folks, they had no problems using them. There were 12,000 registered people actually in the parade and more than one million onlookers! That means a crowd roughly one-third the size of the entire city showed up. New York City's Pride Parade, held the same day, drew about the same size crowd, despite being 10 times more populated than Toronto.

Seeing the crowds from on top of her perch on the float, Cat called it "one of the most incredible experiences ever!" Because he was moving, Beer Musketeer Glenn missed all the fun but Stevil St Evil and I were online, cheering her on. Looked like a blast - a very colourful blast. Also it's good to have at least one Beer Musketeer with a social conscience because lord know it's not gonna be me or Stevil...

Yeah, well, if I had adamantium claws like Wolverine, you
wouldn't hear me saying "I'm sorry" to many people either.

Now you know why it's good to be associated with beer in Canada such as I am, through work, play and this thing here? It's this - 80% of all alcohol consumed in Canada is beer. I joke about many things... but never beer. Also I read it on the Internet so it must be true. I am Canadian so I am very trusting... Also I live here and god knows I'm doing my part.

We also have more doughnut shops per capita than any country in the world. That's handy because if you ever need a cop, that's where they usually are.

Our first Prime Minister, Sir John A MacDonald, was a serious-ass boozer, big gin drinker... and we liked it. He was also a lawyer so, you know, no wonder... I kinda like that our first Prime Minister more or less set the tone for the rest of us. Yes, bartender, I believe I will have another - it's what John A would have wanted...

Come on, Fisher-Man Bob... sing it like you mean it!!!

Okay, a couple of videos to end off this little Canada Day offering and frankly, it's impossible to start with anything but: My Name Is Joe And I... Am... Canadian
Well, at Montreal's Just For Laughs Festival a year or two after Joe's little rant, Canadian actor William Shatner came out on stage and gave his own version of it which you can see here at: I Speak English and French... not Klingon!
Okay, remember the Molson Canadian fridges planted around the world, particularly at the Sochi Winter Olympics - the ones that could only be opened by a Canadian passport. They came home. And then Molson's upped the ante. You wanna free beer now? You better sing our national anthem. See it here at: Sing It, Sad Sack! That came all the way from Puerto Rico and my buddy, Sweet Daddy Frankie. Thanks man!

Okay, final word goes to Barney because he's Legen - Saskatchewan grows lotsa... WHEAT for it - dary.
Robin: My friend from Canada had to do her vows twice, once in French.
Barney: They speak French there, too? God, that's country's messed-up.

Barney, even the name Canada is half "eh's". Back in three days to honour our American friends on their Independence Day with some of their best that I've had over the past year. For now, guys and dolls, that's it, that's all and I am outta here!!! Until next time, I remain...

The curious case of Rolling Rock's "33"

Should you feel the need to crush a Rolling Rock, at least make it worth your
while by taking a selfie with it while plummeting to your doom. Like this guy.

It was not all that long ago that Labatt got the rights to brew the American beer, Rolling Rock, up here in the Great White North and like its Yankee counterpart, it has proven to be a popular commodity among the mainstream-drinking masses. Its notoriety in the United States clearly can transcend an invisible line, such as a border, without a full cavity search being inflicted upon it - an honour that border guards apparently only save up for Colombian drug mules, suspected terrorists... and me.

Had one the other day for the first time (a Rolling Rock, not a cavity search) and I can confirm it is a fairly typical ball-park light lager (4.5%) that is neither horrible nor outstanding. If you like, say, Bud or Canadian, you will be well-serviced by this typical though lacklustre offering  - so clearly not my kettle of brew. That said, my little horse-and-pony show isn't about drinking only what I suspect will be good beers. It's about drinking all the beers. The occasional apology has to be made to my liver. Some time in the mid-Summer, I plan on holding an Organ of the Year party for it. That'll keep it busy for a night. The same party held for my bladder last summer was a rousing success. Well, until the seal broke... then it was all drink, pee, repeat...

After being purchased by Anheuser-
Busch, the Rolling Rock slogan
continued to be printed on the painted
label. While this only adds up to 31
words, the original began with two
more - the beer's name, Rolling Rock

But it is the "33" at the end of the beer's printed slogan that caught this old journalist's eye. It turns out that "33" is a bit of a beer folklore mystery south of the border, as well. Originally brewed by Latrobe Brewing Company in 1939, there are dozens of theories about the number. Though the brewery was snatched up by giant Anheuser-Busch in 2006, one of the early theories was that it was a nod to the NFL's Pittsburgh Steelers, who practised in Latrobe and were founded in 1933. Another theory is that it celebrates the repeal of Prohibition in 1933. One particularly wonky theory is that 33 degrees is the perfect drinking temperature for this beer, using the Fahrenheit scale still favoured by our American friends - a scale into which this Canuck still converts our Celsius scale because even after all these years, I continue to have a better understanding of Fahrenheit, much in the same way that miles make more sense to me than kilometres. Hence my propensity towards speeding tickets and my continued explanation to police officers that I still haven't fully grasped the Metric System. In fact, I suspect the only Americans who grasp it are drug-dealers, which tells you all you need to know about the Metric System. ("Yo, Jesse Pinkman... bitch!") Why I would debunk this temperature theory is that it would mean Americans getting the beer chilled to exactly one degree above freezing. Hell, in Canada, we'd have to throw the mug into the microwave to get it up to 33 degrees.

It's funny... because it's true. After Beer #5, every time

There are countless other theories, including one that said there were 33 steps from the brewmaster's office to the brewing floor (who the hell thought to count that?), but the one I have the most faith in is the one that suggests the motto on the back of the bottle was exactly 33 words. And that the brewer sent the wording to the label manufacturers with the "33" at the end to indicate it was 33 words in total. The label-makers, quite possibly drunk after getting free samples of the product as payment, misunderstood and included the "33"... which simply stayed on the bottles.

There you go. Mystery solved. See? You don't need the Scooby Gang when I'm around. For gawd's sake, they can't even solve the mystery of why Freddie still wears an ascot in 2014.

Another recent apology to my liver came courtesy of Foster's Lager. For years, it was made here under licence by Molson's until... well, that stopped. Not sure why but it has continued to be tied up in legalities, from which I always steer a wide berth. Again, my lack of understanding in the Metric System makes me overly-cautious, even about legal matters.

This is not Australian for "good beer." Turns
out it's Texan for "middle of the road crap."

Anyway, when Foster's magically reappeared in our imports delivery recently, I assumed it was the Australian version. Granted, an Australian customer visiting Canada last summer told me that Foster's was a "tourist beer", one that nobody in Australia actually drinks.  He noted that the craft beer industry in his country was exploding much as it already has in New Zealand, the USA and presently is in Canada. My appeals to have him say "Throw a shrimp on the barbie, mate" were quickly met with "Sure, as soon as you say 'oot and aboot'." Okay then, game, set and match to the Aussie.

Alas, as it turns out, this Foster's is made by Oil Can Brewery in Fort Worth, Texas, presumably as some sort of revenge against the historic misfortunes at the Alamo. Much like Rolling Rock, it's all corn and malt on the nose, nothing at all special on the tongue. More average mainstream fare. But the brewery's name does, at least, explain why the 750ml can is referred to as an "oil can" by the distribution company whereas when Molson's made it, we called it a "king can". And while calling this a "king" anything might be misleading, let's also remember that at the end of the game, the kings and pawns all go back into the same box.  So off you go, little pawn...

The problem with corked-and-caged beers? I
need either vice-grips or my teeth to get the
damn cork off. Muskoka better have a damn
good dental plan that I can leech off of...

Okay, enough about weak-ass beers, no matter how interesting their history may be. Once again, Muskoka Brewery has released their Legendary Oddity. While Beer Musketeer Stevil St Evil somehow managed to find a RateBeer review for it, it turned out that was the review for their Spring Oddity two summers ago in which it nabbed a nifty 95. Checking the ingredients, I noticed the 2014 version has been altered slightly but still I suspect this would clock in with a similar score. Brewed with (their list) Muskoka water, Juniper Berries, Heather Tips (which is why she gets such great service), Sweet and Bitter Orange Peels, North American Malted Barley, Magnum and Sorachi Ace Hops and Trappist Yeast, this 8% ale is a Belgian bomb-blast! The reviews for the Spring Oddity mostly mentioned the sweetness (it included Belgian Candi Sugar whereas this one does not), this falls in a different direction. Lots of orange on the nose, subtly fruity and spicy on the tongue, the Trappist Monks themselves couldn't have done a better job. Well, maybe they could but Muskoka employees are allowed to have sex so there's that. Another seasonal winner from the brewery that gave us the outstanding Winter Beard Double Chocolate Cranberry Stout. Just when you think they've peaked with Twice As Mad Tom IPA and Detour Session IPA, Muskoka always throws out a newbie that my liver and my taste-buds thank them for.

The Steam Whistle Can Van which holds 10 cans of beer

Toronto's Steam Whistle Brewing has always prided itself on "doing one thing really well" and that is their renowned Czech-style pilsner. Well, add another: marketing. Their big 2-litre (67 ounces) glass boot was the drinking vessel of choice at their St Paddy's Party and now they have released a 10-can Can Van package, which I think is pretty clever. Guys are snapping them up just for the souvenir package factor. When our Steam Whistle driver, Vince, recently got a white bull terrier, he honoured a buddy at work by naming him - no joke - Paul From Shipping. Formerly a clean-cut dude, Vince has let his curly red hair grow wild and has added a big thick red beard. When I asked him if he got "Ginger Jesus" much at work, he laughed and said that I was the first, but added, "That's actually nice compared to what I usually hear..." They take no prisoners at Steam Whistle.

That's it for this edition but I'll be back in two days for the Canada Day version and then three days after that to celebrate America's Independence Day with a look back at some of the finest American craft offerings I've had over the past year. There are some beauts. But guys and dolls, that's it, that's all and I am outta here!!! Until next time, I remain...

Mill Street does it again with Seasonal Sampler

My Name Is Lyall... and I sell beer.

As I mentioned a couple of blogs ago, I have a couple of new co-workers at my store - Ryan, a former pro football player who I likened to The Mountain on Game of Thrones and Lyall, who looked like someone that I, well, couldn't quite put my finger on.

Like me, he has longer hair (minus the, uhh, ash-blond at the temples), which he usually subdues by knotting it in the back. But the other day, he went Full Mane, causing Ryan to instantly rhyme-quip, "Whoa, bro, goin' for the flow!" That's when it struck both me and Ryan who Lyall resembled.

"Ryan," I asked, "What was that Earl show?"
"That's it!" Ryan laughed. "My Name Is Earl!"
It was at that exact moment I was glad I didn't ask "What was the name of that Earl show?" because there's nothing quite as embarrassing as asking a question with the actual answer in it. You know, a little like: "What's the name of that movie where Harold and Kumar go to White Castle?"

And Mill St Brewery does it yet again... another great mix...

Lyall confessed that before he went full beard, he had a full-cheese 'stache, much like actor Jason Lee in the TV show and was constantly being told of the resemblance. That's okay, I told him, I get George Clooney all the time - you learn to live with it. (And by "all the time", I, of course, mean "never, not even once.") I knew Lyall lived in Oakville so one day, I asked him whereabouts. He pointed to the church across the street and said, "See that fence at their parking lot? That's my fence, too." Right across the street - sweet deal! Of course, that made it even funnier when he came in the other day a few minutes late and the boss scolded him. "Yeah," he said in his dry, laconic style, "I got caught at the light," meaning the traffic light directly in front of our store. I suspect nothing takes the sting out of a boss' wrath quite like me howling like a stoned hyena...

If I commissioned a statue-maker to do one of
my Guardian Angel, it would look a lot like this

Co-worker Marie is pretty much in the same boat, living in the town-houses directly behind our mall. When she wandered in late recently, our young Italian Stallion co-worker (who's bucked his shyness and is seriously getting funnier every day) Robbie deadpanned: "Was traffic bad?" We were in the back and I laughed so loudly (further causing Robbie to laugh at my laugh) that a customer said to a cashier, "Wow! Someone's having fun." Depending on who the cashier is, the answer to that is usually, "Yeah, that's Donny. He might be high. Might not. We're never quite sure..."

Okay, as co-worker Gordo is fond of saying when he unexpectedly pops into the patio at Donny's Bar and Grill, "Beer me, bitch." Let's get to this little slice of Oktoberfest, then. Nobody - but nobody - has a better handle on releasing sampler or mixed six-packs quite like Toronto's Mill Street Brewery. It's like they have a new one every month. Well, their latest Seasonal Sampler has three I've enjoyed in the past - their outstanding Tankhouse Ale, as well as their Organic Lager and Belgian Wit, both solid beers. To these, they added their amber Palomar Ale, their amber organic 100th Meridan lager and their Belgian Cherry IPA.

This heart-warming three generational
Father's Day moment has been brought to
you for free, courtesy of Brew-Ha-Ha!

Okay, off the bat, don't bother with RateBeer on these, which is notoriously punitive on lagers, mild ales and British-style IPAs. Ignore the scores, so to speak, and let your taste-buds decide - not someone else's. I quite enjoyed the 100th Meridian, feeling the amber added a little "oomph" to their regular Organic. Grainy on the nose, the lightly-used Cascade hops give it some bitterness in the finish. The Palomar is a mild ale with a slightly smokey aroma but they added chipotle pepper spice to the caramel malt taste - not overwhelming so - but just enough that you can sense it, lurking there. A light amber ale, again, pretty good. Beer Musketeer Cat bought the six-pack same time as I did and like me, she had long ago tried the three I mentioned previously. She got to the Belgian Cherry IPA and was impressed. It's 7% so I was kinda hoping it would be the hoppy American style IPA, rather than the malty British one. Alas, it was neither Belgian or hoppy IPA-ish.  But still, it was quite tasty. Definitely a summer beer, as well as a "one and done", it was the kind of brew that was fun to try but no way could you drink it all afternoon. Cherry on the nose and much milder cherry on the tongue, it has a warm, bitter (but not unpleasant) taste that I would attribute to its alcohol level. Of the three newbies, I did enjoy them all - perfect patio beers - but I dug the 100th Meridian a bit more than the challengers. That said, I salute any beers that have the cajones to get into a Mix-Six with the outstanding Tankhouse Ale. You can read about my Man-Love for Tankhouse at the end of this one. You know... if you have time to kill, are not washing your hair and seriously can't find anything better on TV.... seriously, even an infomercial on a new revolutionary orange juicer.

This New Zealand brew encouraged me to try barley wines!

One of Beer Musketeer Stevil St Evil's more recent happy-finds in New Zealand (where he was deported to - I think Canada forgot it was actually Australia where the British banished their convicts and bad-asses to way back when) was Panhead Custom Ale's Black Sabbath barley wine. Stevil, who like all the Beer Musketeers loves to explore new brews (though living in the craft-beer mecca that is Wellington, he has a huge head-start), has had barley wines before - a fancy handle for beer that exceeds a certain alcohol level, thereby pushing it closer to wine. Stevil liked the beer style just fine... but tellingly, didn't really rave. Until he found the Black Sabbath which is hopped to the proverbial gills. He noted it was the first barley wine he has had that make him say: "Must have more!"

Well now... that's a neat trick, Great Divide Brewing Co.
"Marty, we have to go back!!! Back to the Future!!"

So during my last visit to beloved locals, Nickel Brook, whilst filling my growlers with Headstock IPA, I snagged a bottle of the collaborative Nickel Brook/Sawdust City Brewery's 1106 Barley Wine. They collaborated on it because both breweries began (in separate years) on November 6th, the alcohol level is 11.06%, as well as the fact that the owners of both breweries happen to stand 11-feet, six inches tall - but only if one is standing on the shoulders of the other. Fair warning - it's pricey at $17 for a 750-ml bottle. The 1106 is very dark fruit-driven with both the aroma and taste of plums and prunes. Much more malty than hoppy, much more winey than beery. I enjoyed it but this is not a warm weather beer unlike the hop-laden madness that is Black Sabbath. I will keep looking. Stevil thinks he's tracked down a hoppy winner for me from Central City Brewing (Surrey, BC) going by the name Thor's Hammer. Odin, be praised - on my To-Find-And-Rapidly-Consume List...

Actually, Stevil has a valid point. Who spawned Max?

And speaking of the Good Ship St Evil, I was recently talking to Stevil and invoked the name Max and Goofy, the long-running Disney cartoon and subsequent movies that my son David and I used to watch religiously. Quickly realizing that Stevil probably had no idea who Max was, having moved to New Zealand nearly 15 years ago, I explained that Max was the cartoon son who was continually embarrassed by the antics of his Dad, Goofy. The show emphasized that even if your Dad is an idiot, you have to love him anyway. I felt that was important for David to know...

There was a bit of a pause on Stevil's end before he replied: "Okay... who f**ked Goofy?"

Courtesy of my pal and Kate Upton's next BF, Joe...

Well, Milestone Day here at Brew-Ha-Ha! It was June 22 of last year when the first Brew Ha Ha hit the interwebs. And it has been a wicked-ass ride. I have learned more about beers in the past single year than, well, I knew for the totality of my Labatt Blue-drinking life up to that point. And that's gonna keep going. I have two people to single out. First up is my Danish buddy, Kevin, who encouraged me to get back into writing more than just funny Facebook statuses. He wasn't the first to gently nudge me back towards writing... but he was, in fact, the last. I don't even remember what exactly he said... but clearly, he put the right words in the right order. So really, what can I say beyond this... blame Kevin.

And of course, Stevil St Evil, who very patiently walked me through setting up a blog... and then giving me a name for it (the Tyrion-inspired "Lord of Tits And Beer" came a close second to "Brew-Ha-Ha!")... and then creating a blog head banner and a blog sign-off.... as well as several dozens of suggestions for beer to try. Without Stevil, this thing never even starts. Again, what can I say? If you can't find Kevin, blame Stevil... And right, my professed Man Love for Tankhouse can be found here at: If You Love Tankhouse Ale So Much, Why Don't You Marry It?

Okay, guys and dolls, that's it, that's all and I am outta here... Until next time, I remain...

Of super-heroes and super beers...

Thanks to the lovely Manny, my son, David and I now own these sweet
super-hero Birkenstocks. That's David on the left with Spider-Man, Thor,
Wolverine, Captain America and Iron Man on his while Daddy's are totally
Hulk Smash all the way! These are pretty much the coolest things ever!!!

The question, coming from my long-time friend Manuela, a.k.a. Manny, was a little odd but I'm somewhat used to that from my friends. Manny, who now lives in Germany, complete with hubby and son, wanted to know my shoe size. She also wanted to know my son David's shoe size. Why, I asked?

"Because I can found the perfect shoes for you two!" Now Manny and I used to run with the same wild crowd back in about 1985 to '95 in Toronto's Bloor West Village neighbourhood. There are literally dozens of crazy drinking stories I could tell here, except as I said, Manny now has a young soccer-loving son who is perfectly capable of reading a Canadian beer blog. So for his sake, I will simply say this to him. Justin, your Mom, me and the rest of our crowd spent a lot of time in church. The church happened to be a bar named Shakey's but trust me, it was all very spiritual and innocent. (That was convincing, right? I would totally believe that...) Anyway, in 1995, I went west to Oakville and a new editor's job while Manny went east... all the way to Germany. But of course, we reconnected on Facebook and she knows well the high esteem with which super-heroes are held in this household.

When the Denver Comic Con hit the Colorado Convention
Center June 13 to 15, it marked the debut of Brews Wayne,
a 6.1% hoppy amber ale, made by Denver's Breckenridge
Brewery. Last year, when the brewery teamed up with the
Comic Con organizers, it created a fruit-infused Belgian Wit
called "The Caped Brewsader". They love Batman there...

When the above super-hero-adorned Birkenstock sandals landed in my mail, I had, to be honest, kinda forgotten my and Manny's shoe size conversation. So yeah, pretty sweet surprise! When I showed co-workers Gordo and Marie the new sandals, their jaws dropped. "Birkenstocks cost, like, $125!" they exclaimed. So roughly $105 more than I've ever spent on a pair of sandals. Manny told me that the prices in Germany were much more relaxed because they're made there and her company has a wholesale deal with the sandal giant.

The Beers Musketeers' reactions were also ones of awe. Cat waxed eloquently about how these Birkenstocks would change my life, fit for the Roman Gods to wear and so forth. Stevil St. Evil got to the heart of the matter on a regular guy's level: they're just really cool because they have super-heroes on them. Exactly. The best part? They are unavailable here in North America. David and I are proud (and excited) owners of something very unique. Manny, you absolutely rock!!!!

This is what I usually drink my stouts in. 

All the super-hero talk reminded me of when the Beer Musketeers descended on Donny's Bar and Grill back in April. They noticed that David had these huge 20-ounce super-hero glasses - four from Marvel (Spider-Man, the Hulk, Iron Man and Captain America) and four from D.C. (Superman, Batman, Wonder Woman and the Green Lantern.) For the afternoon drinking purposes, Glenn quickly commandeered the Spider-Man glass, saying it was the closest to his favourite hero, Daredevil (Marvel's biggest man-ho) while Cat, of course, opted for the Wonder Woman glass. She shivered when she saw the Green Lantern glass, noting one of her ex-beaus actually thought he was Green Lantern. Wow, talk about delusional, eh? I mean, after all, I'm Batman and I'm pretty sure I know who the Green Lantern is... They don't call me the Dark Knight Detective without reason. And Glenn, if you're willing to cross publishers, Batman is closer to Daredevil than Spider-Man. Just sayin'... But I digress...

Stevil recently showed us his new stout glasses, made by Spiegelau, the same Germany company that collaborated recently with American brewers, Doghead Fish and Sierra Nevada, to create the IPA glasses that the four of us use and love. The stout glass is pretty similar but without the re-heading ridges on the stem.

The latest from the good folks at Beau's All Natural
Brewing - Wag The Wolf Hopfenweisse. Damn good!

The glass looks pretty cool but I usually drink my stouts in David's Hulk glass. Like the Hulk, the stouts I favour are very high-alcohol, fruit, bourbon and/or chocolate-infused brews that will *smash* your taste-buds into puny human submission. And you tread carefully around these beasts - too many or too quickly and you will feel about the same shade of green as the Hulk the next day.

But you know, especially in the Summer, a good wheat is deserving of a super-hero glass and that's precisely what I got when I snagged a Beau's All-Natural Brewing's Wag The Wolf Hopfenweisse. Brewed with 65% wheat malts and lightly-hopped with organic New Zealand hops, this 6% wheat is fruity on the nose (citrus, banana and mango come through) but spicy and smooth on the tongue. Damn, this is a winner! It'll be back here soon... very soon. Love my wheats! Nice job, Beau's!

Cameron's is walking on sunshine... California sunshine!

Found another stunner from my hometown friends at Cameron's Brewery - their brand spankin' new California Sunshine APA. With citrus, pine and tropical fruit on the nose, the 5.1% pale ale almost comes across as a light-IPA with its light grapefruit on the tongue. We have a second return offender slated for the patio at Donny's Bar and Grill...

Sadly, their cross-town rivals, Trafalgar Brewing, didn't fare quite so well with their Maple Leaf Lager. According to RateBeer, this may be a rebottled version of their Old Mill Elora Grand Lager but it's not good. Corn and malt the nose, thin and bitter on the tongue, this actually got poured down the drain. (On the plus side, it unclogged it.) I will usually drink an average beer... but not a bad one. After four misses now, I think it's simply time to admit that Trafalgar's beer brewing style ain't my Cuppa Joe. They're now a distillery as well so I may sample their vodka, just to show support.

My Oakville buddy, Steve, an old high school crony,
has this sign up at his backyard bar. I instantly sent it
off to Stevil St Evil in New Zealand, saying he needs one

Another beer that I had way back at the Spring Beer Festival in March but forgot to review was Left Field Brewery's Resin Bag IPA, recommended to me by Toronto Craft Beer Queen Mel, who had gone the night before. As always, Mel was bang-on. At 6.4% and just 50 IBU (international bitterness units), this is a lighter IPA. All orange on the nose, it's lightly pine and citrus with a bit of malt on the tongue. This doesn't pound the taste-buds like my preferred Imperial IPAs but rather lightly caresses them. It's a solid beer. But it's their 6-4-3 Double IPA with its staggering 92 IBUs that first caught my attention at last year's Summer Craft Beer Fest, held at Steam Whistle. I like these guys - they're setting up their brewery in Toronto as we speak. I expect big things from this now-small brewery.

And finally, an interesting twist. Beer Stores are only allowed to sell malt-based beverages so they have never carried ciders, even though there is a Molson Canadian Cider, as well as an Alexander Keith's Cider - both names better associated with the Beer Store. To that end, Molson's has brewed up a 5% apple lager called Mad Jack. To me, it kinda tastes like, well, apple soda but I suspect it's meant to entice cider drinkers rather than beer bums like me. I don't drink cider so it may be remarkably similar. We'll have to wait and see.

Using Glenn's IPAs-Decide-The-Winner at
the FIFA World Cup, Stevil noted that since
New Zealand is not playing, that would make
the USA the obvious winner in the tourney

Okay, shout-outs and links. First up, Glenn is following the World Cup like everyone else on the globe. Personally, I'm cheering for Portugal because the last time, four years ago, I was dating a Portuguese woman so what the hell, eh? (Actually, the one immediately preceding her was also Portuguese - guess I was going through a phase?) That ended quite some time ago but my affinity for Team Portugal remains. But Glenn has written two blogs so far which predict the winners in each round based almost solely on which countries produce the best IPAs. An interesting approach to beer, geography and oh yeah, soccer, to be sure. Okay, so here we go. Start with: The IPA World Cup, Round One and then follow up with: The IPA World Cup, Round Two
Also from Thrillist.com, a hilarious look at what your favourite beer style says about you. It's a funny read right: HERE! As an IPA drinker, I apparently have an awesome bottle collection and as a stout drinker, I seldom shave. Actually, both true.
Then we have the food blogger that actually got the American beer giants to list the ingredients in their beer. I know - staggering, right? Stevil and I think the fact that she's a stunner may have helped. Right about her victory here at: Vani Hari Rocks!

Well, guys and dolls, that's it, that's all and I am outta here!!! Until next time, I remain...