Too much pissent and BC craft beers

Yes, this Holsten Festbock sent a grown man, recoiling
in horror because it has an ABV of... wait for it... 7%

He was one of those Beer Store customers who is usually directed toward me or my co-worker Saga. Between us, we had tried pretty much every different beer in our store and that's over 400 different brands. And believe me when I say, both of us have branched out far beyond what our store offers. He knows what I like (hoppy stuff), I know what he prefers (malty and flavoured stuff) and in the middle, we have this huge cross-over area that centres mostly on the porters and stouts we both love. When we run across those, we're like a couple of old house-wives trading Apple Crumble recipes.

But this day, the customer with the thick eastern European accent and hesitant command of English was ushered in my direction. He wanted a dark beer - but just one can - which of course, instantly ruled out the obvious choice, Guinness, sold only in four-packs. Not a biggie, we have more in single cans, all of which I tried, some of which I actually enjoyed. I offered a Rickards Dark, a Canadian-made, British-style porter that is pretty solid stuff, but he waved it off like he was guiding a jet towards a runway. It was clear he wanted something European. Fair enough. So I handed him a German one, Holsten Festbock, another one that I quite enjoy when I'm in an Oktoberfest mood.

When it comes to craft beers, I believe BC is pretty much
dead even with Ontario. Both produce the country's best

He studied it for a second and suddenly, in very much a panic, handed it back to me quickly. "Too much pissent," he cried, "Too much pissent!!" It was like I handed him a crying baby. What he meant was that at 7%, the Festbock was a bit stronger than he had in mind. I finally sent him off with another - a nice safe 5% dark - and he seemed quite happy. But Saga was in the back of the store and missed most of this exchange. So naturally, I told him the entire thing... which subsequently sent him on a jag of raucous laughter that he could not stop for the entire shift. And thus, too much pissent became our thing for more than a month. The weird thing is that we never once applied it to a specific beer - its actual origin - but rather other every day situations. "Gord is too much pissent grouchy today..." "That last customer? She was too much pissent hot..." Except when he and I did it, we didn't sound eastern European at all. We sounded like two old Yiddish men arguing politics in a New York City deli.

Okay, in the BC Craft Brewers Guild's Natural Selection Six-Pack, we have,
from left, R&B's Brewing's (Vancouver) Raven Cream Ale, Whistler
Brewing's Bear Paw Honey Lager, Dead Frog Brewing's (Aldergrove)
The Bold Belgium Pale Ale, Phillip's Brewing's (Victoria) Elsinor Pale Lager,
Four Winds Brewing's (Delta) Saison and Steamworks Brewing's
(Vancouver) Pilsner. I thought four of these six were pretty damn good.

Just as all good things must come to an end, so too must all bad and ridiculous things. After hearing it applied to every possible situation ("Too much pissent of the grains in this hamburger bun could have been used to make beer, instead"), predictably our co-workers got too much pissent annoyed, just being around us. Hey, at least we gave them a decent reason this time! But being the class clowns that we are, it's only a matter of time before we stumble onto something new that amuses us but annoys the hell out of everyone else. Saga and I have too much pissent much fun at work. Those around us? Well, what can I say... it varies on a case-by-case basis...

Okay, I've taken too much pissent of your time with this so let's jump into that BC Craft Brewers Guild Natural Selection Mix-Six that chose not to include an IPA (damn you!).

Turns out Vancouver has a Flatiron Building!

Let's start with the Steamwork Pilsner, which won Best Craft Beer at the 2011 and 2012 BC Craft Beer Awards. At first, I thought, like most Ontarians would, "Hey, this is a blatant rip-off of Steam Whistle Pilsner. And look, they even used the Toronto Flatiron Building on the painted label!" Google, as it always does, proved me wrong as Steamworks began in 1995, a few years before Steam Whistle. Plus Vancouver and apparently tons of other cities have a Flatiron Building. Also unlike Steam Whistle, they make more than one beer - two year-rounds (this and the Pale Ale) and five more seasonals, according to their website. Also, according to RateBeer, they've had a few dozen other speciality beers released over the years, as well. So how it is? Well, hot damn, Martha, it's a helluva lot like Steam Whistle - in fact, nearly identical to me. I now wish I had a Steam Whistle in a second glass, just so I could have compared them mano-a-mano. Now because Steam Whistle is such a polarizing beer here, I will clarify that I mean this is a really good beer, a dynamite Czech-style pilsner. A light nutty aroma on the nose, bitter, smooth and lightly fruity on the tongue, a great pilsner!

Four Wind's Brewing head brewer Brent Mills holds up
a sample of the brewery's Saison. Outstanding brew!

But the best of this bunch, hands-down, was the Four Winds Saison, an outstanding 6.1% brew, which shares the status of Perfect Summer Beer Style with wheats. (Personally, I think IPAs transcend seasonal boundaries but maybe that's just me.... and a lot of other people I know. And maybe even the Pope... just sayin'...) Holy crap on a stick, this is a great beer. Ignore the punting it takes on RateBeer (how many times have I said that this year?) and let your own taste-buds decide. To me, it has a really nice citrus aroma and an excellent tang and sweetness on the tongue. Loved it!

Next up, let's look at the Dead Frog's The Bold Belgian Pale Ale, another one bent over the car hood by RateBeer. And again, wrongly so. (This has got to be a separate blog someday soon. Send your children to their rooms. It may get heated.) With Cascade and Columbus hops and five different malts (including chocolate), this is caramel, chocolate and spicy on the nose while spicy and citrus on the tongue. What's not to love?

As well as having one of the cooler brewery names I've
come across, Dead Frog Brewery's Derrick Smith and Chris
Landsman make one hell of a fine Belgian Pale Ale. Cheers!

After that is one I thought I would hate because cream ales are so not my thing. But R & B Brewing's Raven Cream Ale is actually the first cream ale I've ever liked. It's hard to fawn over because it's kind of the equivalent of saying "Best Dressed At Walmart" but still, gotta say, I was stunned. Caramel on the nose, some vanilla and malt on the tongue, I rather enjoyed it. You have no idea what it means for me to admit I liked a cream ale! A little like saying, "I have this cousin who's pretty hot..." There's a huge Yikes Factor. But this was quite good. I may have been unduly harsh on cream ales... but I doubt it.

Okay, the two that didn't wow me. Phillips Brewing knocked me out with their Amnesiac Double IPA. Remember how Garth and Wayne went down on their knees with the "we are not worthy" in Wayne's World 2 when they met Aerosmith? Yeah, that was me with that beer.

I have had my ONE pumpkin beer of the
season - the Nickel Brook Pissed Off Pete
Pumpkin Porter. That's it! From now on.
all of my pumpkin intake looks like this!!!
For the record, that was a pretty good beer

Well, their Elsinore Pale Lager wasn't horrible or anything but to be honest, the Steamworks Pilsner (which I had just prior) was a lot better. Lagers are light enough so there is little need for a 'pale' lager. This is Rolling Rock territory. Corn and grass on the nose, this was light citrus and malt on the tongue. On the Meh Scale, it's a solid... well, meh. All herds have their weaker members...

I wanted to like the Whistler Brewing Bear Paw Honey Lager but the problem was... it's a honey lager. Whistler is such a very cool place by everyone's description so I feel a little bad but not too worry. Within seconds, something shiny will distract me and the feeling-bad thing will be forgotten. Brewed with actual BC honey (which, I'm sorry, belongs only on toast or in your tea if you're an 80-year-old British woman), this is far too sweet on the nose and way too much pissent sweet on the tongue. One single cream ale has finally earned my trust. A honey lager has yet to.

Okay, by and large, I would absolutely say buy this Mix-Six if it's still around. My sole complaint is the breadth and width of selection. This is a Summer mixed pack. We have a saison so good there. But then we have an ale, a pale ale, two lagers and a pilsner, which is essentially a style of lager.

Phillips Brewing makes one of the best Imperial IPAs ever.
Also I'm kinda colourblind. Is that building, like, really blue?

Where's the wheat beer? Howe Sound's King Heffy Imperial Hefeweissen is one of the best wheat beers I've ever tasted and I am including the best German wheat beers when I say that. Where's the IPA? I have had so many good west coast IPAs. Spread it out, BC Craft Brewers Guild! Not criticizing. It was a solid Mix-Six. Just food for thought next year. Honestly, my Left Coast Homies, I did enjoy it and look forward to next year's crop of BC's best.

Okay. a couple of members of the Beer Musketeers just magically got 'growlered up' so that's coming next. Also, I'm very curious about Railway City Brewing in tiny St. Thomas, Ontario. They seem nice but their IPAs and IIPAs? Work needs to be done. But you know what? I'm too much pissent done so we'll rock this shit on the weekend. Guys and dolls, I love you all like my actual brothers and sisters (actually more... but don't tell them) but that's it, that's all and I am outta here. Until next time, I remain...