Mid-Autumn Night's Decadent Dangerous Craft Beer Festival

Beer Musketeer Glenn holds up a Nickel Brook Pissed Off Pete's
Pumpkin Porter. He was the first arrival so we had quite a head-start

I have been to my fair share of Craft Beer Festivals this year but sometimes, the best ones are the small ones. When Beer Musketeers Cat and Glenn came to Donny's Bar and Grill (DB&G) back on Easter Monday, there were but three of us, joined later by Stevil St Evil in Wellington, New Zealand through the magic that is Skype.

However, when DB&G hosted the Mid-Autumn Night's Decadent Dangerous Craft Beer Festival on October 25, attendance sky-rocketed to 12 beer (okay, and wine) fans. And crap, did we have a ton of beer-fuelled fun. If I were a slime-coated PR flack, I would trumpet that attendance increased by 400%... and it was several tons of fun, not one. But we're talking about a dozen people so let's keep things in perspective. (That said, in Journalism School, we kinda snickered at those in Public Relations. Decades later, newpapers are disappearing while PR still exists everywhere. Where's my damn time machine? I want a do-over!)

This particular beer festival had a real impromptu feel from the get-go. One day on the Beer Musketeers four-way conversation on Facebook, Glenn decided that on October 25, we would all gather at DB&G for festivities. As the proprietor of the bar, I had no clear objections but Glenn added an addendum: invite the others that he had read about in this space. Simple enough - it's all friends and Beer Store co-workers so done! And thus it began. Friends and co-workers were invited and from there, it took off to, well... actually, that's it. Turns out people genuinely like alcohol-related events. I know, right??? Who knew?

This is why my co-worker Gordo is an evil douche. He
brought Coor's Light to my Craft Beer Festival. He
compounded it with the Philadelphia Flyers' koozie!!!

Glenn was the first on deck, landing here at about 2:30 pm. As it turns out, Glenn had a very successful trip south of the border in Niagara Falls, New York, basically smuggling many top-notch beers to the Great White North. He pulled his car right up to my tiny backyard and showed me his smuggling technique, which I have to say was impressive. He left two bottles on his passenger seat to declare but hid the rest in a trunk so filled with junk that no border guard would dare to touch it. If the Ebola Virus took a physical form, it would look like Glenn's trunk. In fact, the inspector did ask Glenn to pop the trunk but only gave it a cursory glance, likely moving items around with a long stick and a gas-mask. However, buried deep beneath that junk was precious cargo - a couple of Stone Brewing Ruination Double IPA (my personal favourite), a Stone Ruin 10 Double IPA, a Stone 18th Anniversary IPA, a Sierra Nevada Pale Ale and a handful of others, all Stone-related. If he and I have a shared motto, it's "Stone can brew no wrong." (See what I did there? Okay, hold your applause until the end, please...) Between my fridge and two coolers, we already had enough to sink a ship... okay, at least a canoe, anyway... And there was more on the way...

"Glass?" Ernie says, "It comes in a glass!" Here, our
head chef chills with a Beau's Lug-Tread Lagered Ale

Now at a certain point, things might have got a tad sketchy for my man, Glenn. He arrived well before the others and he was dipping his toes (okay, tastebuds) into some pretty deep waters hours before others would arrive. Mindful of my upcoming hosting duties, I was sticking to the Muskoka Brewery's session IPA, Detour, which clocks in at an uber-low 4.2% - you know, very tasty breakfast beers. Glenn was drinking howitzers next to that. He was kicking it off old-school with some of Nickel Brook Brewery's (my Burlington home-boys) finest - the Bolshevik Bastard at 8%, the Pissed Off Pete's Pumpkin Porter at 6% and eventually, I had to join him when the heavy-duty 8-10% Stone beers came out to play.

Soon, others did arrive. First up was co-worker Gordo, a social leper, who I invite to things in the hopes he will someday just become just a regular leper. Co-worker Marie and her meat market man, Ernie, were next. Beer Musketeer Cat and sidekick Blair were next and then eventually, upstairs neighbours (in this sprawling deluxe compound) Amy and Sandi with their friend, Karen before finally, to my delight, my old Beer Store boss, Leigh, popped in. Gord invited her - he's well on his way to just plain leprosy, I think.

When Marie works the grill, she likes to add a little bit of
The Price Is Right display model to it all with her pose. 

So in essence, my Beer Musketeer world, my work world and my home world all collided at this one juncture in time. Some people would fret over that. Me? Well, I mentioned the fridge and two coolers filled with craft beers, right? Like I cared. Also it was unnecessary. Everyone laughed and joked with everyone, including Beer Musketeer Stevil St Evil, who joined us via Skype from New Zealand. Cat and Marie were as thick as thieves within seconds of meeting and well, their shenanigans will be documented here shortly. But Marie and Ernie, both of whom claim to be shy in larger groups, were like the King and Queen of the Prom, laughing, joking, chatting... and most importantly, providing the food. As stated, Ernie, though a mason by trade, works at a meat market and brought fresh sausages (of many flavours), home-made burgers and buns for both... that he had baked fresh that morning. Holy crap, it all tasted fantastic. Quipped Blair the following day, "I really enjoyed Ernie's sausage... and his buns." Now that's a fan... and one who displays our perverse sense of humour. The pair were a well-received and much-loved addition to the festivities. Looking in my beer-fuelled fridge, Ernie simply noted, "So I guess you only buy food when needed?"

Marie actually took a flash shot of me holding up a lamp
so Stevil could see who he was talking to on Skype but
this one Amy took makes me look evil so I'm using it...

Moving along, we have to declare Blair promoted from Sidekick status to full-blown Beer Musketeer status as this was his second Beer Musketeer event and man, he was a creative anchor in some of the shenanigans. Also since Marie and Ernie basically took over the BBQing (full disclosure: I abdicated - threw some sausages on and simply walked away, knowing they'd jump in), I got to play Beer Host. Whenever I asked Blair what style of beer he wanted in his glass, his response was: "It has to have beer in it." He drank stouts, he drank porters, he drank IPAs... he drank it all and enjoyed it more. Little Know Fact: every time a Beer Musketeer gets his wings, an angel gets to use St Peter's solid gold crapper while petting a unicorn.

Okay, at this point, upstairs neighbour Sandi gets her kudos. A long-time volunteer with the Burlington North Rotary Club, she was recently given their highest honour, the Paul Harris Fellowship Award, for her tireless efforts. I tell you this so that you know the party wasn't completely filled with reprobates. One person was actually a solid citizen (albeit with bad girl leanings). And I'll wager that wisely no one placed any bets on me.

Marie and Cat (shown here) decided the best way to
surprise the snoozing Glenn was to gift-wrap, oh wait,
shrink-wrap his car in the dead of night. They caught
the attentions of some laughing dudes on a balcony...

Eventually given his head-start, Glenn took what Stevil and I have long referred to as a wee IPA Nap about six hours into the festivities. Happily-ensconced and lightly-snoring in the warm weather on a patio chair, Cat and Marie spotted some dollar store shrink-wrap in DB&G and noting that Glenn's birthday was only a few days prior, they decided that maybe they should gift-wrap him. But he was only 90% down (and internally 10% IPA), stirring on occasion so they decided to target his car in the visitors' parking instead. Despite the fact the pair was in total stealth mode, their actions drew the attention of a couple of dudes on a balcony three floors up, Hearing the *skree* of the shrink-wrap, they thought someone was getting their car keyed. Until they realized what was actually happening. I honestly think the only sound that night louder than the Craft Beer Fest was that of these two guys howling and cheering Cat and Marie on. (Not included in the Decibel Scale, Glenn's volume, which, much like mine, goes up to a Spinal Tap-like 11, given the continued input of good beer.)

But the ladies weren't done just yet. And more ladies joined the fray, to be honest.

Blair points to a painting done by my brother, Gary, for me,
that depicts a classic moment from The Uncanny X-Men,
Volume 1, Issue 153. Let's assume he liked those two words...

And one man - creative photo suggester Blair. At some point, Glenn decided that my son's Spider-Man bed was more comfortable than a patio chair and in all fairness, it is. (Made the wrong turn coming back from the bathroom half-awake several times myself.) But the problem was Cat had brought him a birthday cake and she was gonna be damned if it was not served. So she jammed both candles and sparklers into the deep, delicious chocolate and up the stairs tromped all the ladies... and Blair, who was determined not to miss this. Despite the fact that he was probably dreaming of pretty young girls serving him top-notch beer at some cool craft beer festival, they all sang their hearts out. He didn't wake up. The sparklers set off my upstairs fire alarm. He still didn't wake up. So Blair did what he had to and suggested... silly pictures.

It's your birthday! I brought cake! Wake the hell up, man!

Spotting an 18-inch Hulk action figure in my boy's room, Blair suggested a pose. Let's just say Glenn is far more intimate with the Incredible Hulk than he was hours prior... in that don't-drop-the-soap way. There were other photos but frankly, to me, that one had the most promise as award-winning. It was all in good fun and Glenn weakly chuckled the next day when I apprised him of it all.

I realize I haven't talked about a single beer here but, well, fun first. I'll deal with those outstanding Stone beers and a few others in a couple of days since, y'know, this is supposed to be a beer blog. But I wanna end this with an Ernie story. Actually, it's an Ernie's elderly Dad story. Ernie's Mom is in a convalescent home so his Dad is padding around the house solo these days. But he has his health issues too so Ernie dutifully takes him to the family doctor, who then gives him the once-over. The last time, he was testing Ernie's Dad's vitals and declared solemnly in that annoying doctor-like way, "Your heart is running a little slower than I'd like..." Ernie's Dad looks at him and barks, "Well, what did you expect? Look at all the old broads you have working here!!!"

And that, my friends, will be me when the time comes! Okay, guys and dolls, back on the weekend with beer reviews but for now, that's all, that's all and I am outta here!!! Until next time, as always, I remain...