Mid-Autumn Night's Decadent Dangerous Craft Beer Festival

Beer Musketeer Glenn holds up a Nickel Brook Pissed Off Pete's
Pumpkin Porter. He was the first arrival so we had quite a head-start

I have been to my fair share of Craft Beer Festivals this year but sometimes, the best ones are the small ones. When Beer Musketeers Cat and Glenn came to Donny's Bar and Grill (DB&G) back on Easter Monday, there were but three of us, joined later by Stevil St Evil in Wellington, New Zealand through the magic that is Skype.

However, when DB&G hosted the Mid-Autumn Night's Decadent Dangerous Craft Beer Festival on October 25, attendance sky-rocketed to 12 beer (okay, and wine) fans. And crap, did we have a ton of beer-fuelled fun. If I were a slime-coated PR flack, I would trumpet that attendance increased by 400%... and it was several tons of fun, not one. But we're talking about a dozen people so let's keep things in perspective. (That said, in Journalism School, we kinda snickered at those in Public Relations. Decades later, newpapers are disappearing while PR still exists everywhere. Where's my damn time machine? I want a do-over!)

This particular beer festival had a real impromptu feel from the get-go. One day on the Beer Musketeers four-way conversation on Facebook, Glenn decided that on October 25, we would all gather at DB&G for festivities. As the proprietor of the bar, I had no clear objections but Glenn added an addendum: invite the others that he had read about in this space. Simple enough - it's all friends and Beer Store co-workers so done! And thus it began. Friends and co-workers were invited and from there, it took off to, well... actually, that's it. Turns out people genuinely like alcohol-related events. I know, right??? Who knew?

This is why my co-worker Gordo is an evil douche. He
brought Coor's Light to my Craft Beer Festival. He
compounded it with the Philadelphia Flyers' koozie!!!

Glenn was the first on deck, landing here at about 2:30 pm. As it turns out, Glenn had a very successful trip south of the border in Niagara Falls, New York, basically smuggling many top-notch beers to the Great White North. He pulled his car right up to my tiny backyard and showed me his smuggling technique, which I have to say was impressive. He left two bottles on his passenger seat to declare but hid the rest in a trunk so filled with junk that no border guard would dare to touch it. If the Ebola Virus took a physical form, it would look like Glenn's trunk. In fact, the inspector did ask Glenn to pop the trunk but only gave it a cursory glance, likely moving items around with a long stick and a gas-mask. However, buried deep beneath that junk was precious cargo - a couple of Stone Brewing Ruination Double IPA (my personal favourite), a Stone Ruin 10 Double IPA, a Stone 18th Anniversary IPA, a Sierra Nevada Pale Ale and a handful of others, all Stone-related. If he and I have a shared motto, it's "Stone can brew no wrong." (See what I did there? Okay, hold your applause until the end, please...) Between my fridge and two coolers, we already had enough to sink a ship... okay, at least a canoe, anyway... And there was more on the way...

"Glass?" Ernie says, "It comes in a glass!" Here, our
head chef chills with a Beau's Lug-Tread Lagered Ale

Now at a certain point, things might have got a tad sketchy for my man, Glenn. He arrived well before the others and he was dipping his toes (okay, tastebuds) into some pretty deep waters hours before others would arrive. Mindful of my upcoming hosting duties, I was sticking to the Muskoka Brewery's session IPA, Detour, which clocks in at an uber-low 4.2% - you know, very tasty breakfast beers. Glenn was drinking howitzers next to that. He was kicking it off old-school with some of Nickel Brook Brewery's (my Burlington home-boys) finest - the Bolshevik Bastard at 8%, the Pissed Off Pete's Pumpkin Porter at 6% and eventually, I had to join him when the heavy-duty 8-10% Stone beers came out to play.

Soon, others did arrive. First up was co-worker Gordo, a social leper, who I invite to things in the hopes he will someday just become just a regular leper. Co-worker Marie and her meat market man, Ernie, were next. Beer Musketeer Cat and sidekick Blair were next and then eventually, upstairs neighbours (in this sprawling deluxe compound) Amy and Sandi with their friend, Karen before finally, to my delight, my old Beer Store boss, Leigh, popped in. Gord invited her - he's well on his way to just plain leprosy, I think.

When Marie works the grill, she likes to add a little bit of
The Price Is Right display model to it all with her pose. 

So in essence, my Beer Musketeer world, my work world and my home world all collided at this one juncture in time. Some people would fret over that. Me? Well, I mentioned the fridge and two coolers filled with craft beers, right? Like I cared. Also it was unnecessary. Everyone laughed and joked with everyone, including Beer Musketeer Stevil St Evil, who joined us via Skype from New Zealand. Cat and Marie were as thick as thieves within seconds of meeting and well, their shenanigans will be documented here shortly. But Marie and Ernie, both of whom claim to be shy in larger groups, were like the King and Queen of the Prom, laughing, joking, chatting... and most importantly, providing the food. As stated, Ernie, though a mason by trade, works at a meat market and brought fresh sausages (of many flavours), home-made burgers and buns for both... that he had baked fresh that morning. Holy crap, it all tasted fantastic. Quipped Blair the following day, "I really enjoyed Ernie's sausage... and his buns." Now that's a fan... and one who displays our perverse sense of humour. The pair were a well-received and much-loved addition to the festivities. Looking in my beer-fuelled fridge, Ernie simply noted, "So I guess you only buy food when needed?"

Marie actually took a flash shot of me holding up a lamp
so Stevil could see who he was talking to on Skype but
this one Amy took makes me look evil so I'm using it...

Moving along, we have to declare Blair promoted from Sidekick status to full-blown Beer Musketeer status as this was his second Beer Musketeer event and man, he was a creative anchor in some of the shenanigans. Also since Marie and Ernie basically took over the BBQing (full disclosure: I abdicated - threw some sausages on and simply walked away, knowing they'd jump in), I got to play Beer Host. Whenever I asked Blair what style of beer he wanted in his glass, his response was: "It has to have beer in it." He drank stouts, he drank porters, he drank IPAs... he drank it all and enjoyed it more. Little Know Fact: every time a Beer Musketeer gets his wings, an angel gets to use St Peter's solid gold crapper while petting a unicorn.

Okay, at this point, upstairs neighbour Sandi gets her kudos. A long-time volunteer with the Burlington North Rotary Club, she was recently given their highest honour, the Paul Harris Fellowship Award, for her tireless efforts. I tell you this so that you know the party wasn't completely filled with reprobates. One person was actually a solid citizen (albeit with bad girl leanings). And I'll wager that wisely no one placed any bets on me.

Marie and Cat (shown here) decided the best way to
surprise the snoozing Glenn was to gift-wrap, oh wait,
shrink-wrap his car in the dead of night. They caught
the attentions of some laughing dudes on a balcony...

Eventually given his head-start, Glenn took what Stevil and I have long referred to as a wee IPA Nap about six hours into the festivities. Happily-ensconced and lightly-snoring in the warm weather on a patio chair, Cat and Marie spotted some dollar store shrink-wrap in DB&G and noting that Glenn's birthday was only a few days prior, they decided that maybe they should gift-wrap him. But he was only 90% down (and internally 10% IPA), stirring on occasion so they decided to target his car in the visitors' parking instead. Despite the fact the pair was in total stealth mode, their actions drew the attention of a couple of dudes on a balcony three floors up, Hearing the *skree* of the shrink-wrap, they thought someone was getting their car keyed. Until they realized what was actually happening. I honestly think the only sound that night louder than the Craft Beer Fest was that of these two guys howling and cheering Cat and Marie on. (Not included in the Decibel Scale, Glenn's volume, which, much like mine, goes up to a Spinal Tap-like 11, given the continued input of good beer.)

But the ladies weren't done just yet. And more ladies joined the fray, to be honest.

Blair points to a painting done by my brother, Gary, for me,
that depicts a classic moment from The Uncanny X-Men,
Volume 1, Issue 153. Let's assume he liked those two words...

And one man - creative photo suggester Blair. At some point, Glenn decided that my son's Spider-Man bed was more comfortable than a patio chair and in all fairness, it is. (Made the wrong turn coming back from the bathroom half-awake several times myself.) But the problem was Cat had brought him a birthday cake and she was gonna be damned if it was not served. So she jammed both candles and sparklers into the deep, delicious chocolate and up the stairs tromped all the ladies... and Blair, who was determined not to miss this. Despite the fact that he was probably dreaming of pretty young girls serving him top-notch beer at some cool craft beer festival, they all sang their hearts out. He didn't wake up. The sparklers set off my upstairs fire alarm. He still didn't wake up. So Blair did what he had to and suggested... silly pictures.

It's your birthday! I brought cake! Wake the hell up, man!

Spotting an 18-inch Hulk action figure in my boy's room, Blair suggested a pose. Let's just say Glenn is far more intimate with the Incredible Hulk than he was hours prior... in that don't-drop-the-soap way. There were other photos but frankly, to me, that one had the most promise as award-winning. It was all in good fun and Glenn weakly chuckled the next day when I apprised him of it all.

I realize I haven't talked about a single beer here but, well, fun first. I'll deal with those outstanding Stone beers and a few others in a couple of days since, y'know, this is supposed to be a beer blog. But I wanna end this with an Ernie story. Actually, it's an Ernie's elderly Dad story. Ernie's Mom is in a convalescent home so his Dad is padding around the house solo these days. But he has his health issues too so Ernie dutifully takes him to the family doctor, who then gives him the once-over. The last time, he was testing Ernie's Dad's vitals and declared solemnly in that annoying doctor-like way, "Your heart is running a little slower than I'd like..." Ernie's Dad looks at him and barks, "Well, what did you expect? Look at all the old broads you have working here!!!"

And that, my friends, will be me when the time comes! Okay, guys and dolls, back on the weekend with beer reviews but for now, that's all, that's all and I am outta here!!! Until next time, as always, I remain...

Ottawa: the dark and light... and some IPAs

THE FALLEN: Corporal Nathan Cirillo, a soldier
reservist in the Argyll and Sutherland Highlanders
of Canada was gunned down in his ceremonial
uniform by an asshole while standing guard at
the War Memorial. He was just 24 years old.

Well, as renowned Scottish poet Robbie Burns once wrote, "The best laid schemes of mice and men often go awry...", meaning simply, the minute you declare your plans out loud, the fates have a way of going, "LOL... good one, bonehead!" Actually, since it was written back in the 1700s, the poem actually said: "The best laid plans o' mice an' men gang aft agley." But I thought, "If I type that, the reader is gonna think I'm already hammered." Which I'm not. Yet. (Let's not rule it out in the near future.)

You see, at the end of my last blog, I said this time I would be writing about how I finally caught up with my old college roommate Gary, our silly college shenanigans on Parliament Hill in Ottawa many moons ago and of course, clear up some of this back-log of beers that need reviewing. I will still do that but I can't lead with shenanigans because things changed. In fact, it was Ottawa, the Canadian capitol, itself that changed very solemnly on Wednesday in the briefest flash of gun-fire. That's when an armed lunatic marched towards Parliament Hill, killed an unarmed soldier, Hamilton native Corporal Nathan Cirillo, 24 and a father of one, who was standing ceremonial guard at the War Memorial outside and proceeded to march into Parliament Hill, unloading gunfire on a day when the building was filled with civilians, government workers and politicians alike.

THE HERO:  Parliament Hill Sergeant-At-Arms Kevin
Vickers was given a prolonged standing ovation by
all our MPs when the House resumed on October 23rd.

He didn't get very far. With security on high alert, he was stopped quickly by the side-arm of Parliament Hill's Sergeant-At-Arms Kevin Vickers, who holds a position seemingly of ceremony (his everyday duties include carrying a huge fancy mace into parliament) but is actually the head of the entire security team for Parliament Hill. But Vickers is also a 29-year veteran of the Royal Canadian Mounted Police who took the position of director of security back in 2005. As far as I have read, during his entire career, he has never had to fire so much as one shot. Oh, believe me, like all law enforcement officers, he was well-trained to. But on this one fatal day when he had to, simply to protect the innocent, he did. He is being lauded in every corner, including this one, as a Canadian hero. As the news was unfolding, for a fleeting moment, Canada suddenly felt like a very unsafe place, which is not the norm. The moment I read about Vickers, the warmth of security was being restored. We are well-protected by the best of the best. My first hope is that Corporal Cirillo will continue to watch over his young son from above. My second hope is that Mr. Vickers will continue to watch over the rest of this country. For as long as possible.

You see that upper gallery (centre) at the House of
Commons in Parliament Hill? Yeah, I tried to climb
down from there to land on the main floor. This was
a long time ago and I wasn't remotely successful...

I wasn't looking to start this on a sad note but frankly to me, it's more a story of strength - a nation's strength and one man's strength - than that of a psychotic asshat, who I'll not name. The minute he pulled out a gun and aimed it at innocents, he lost all rights of identity with me.

Okay, now that we've dealt with the past week in Ottawa, as horrific as it was, let's go back to a kinder, gentler time when Journalism students roamed the streets of Ottawa like drunken sewer rats. (Pending any and all lawsuits, I apologize to sewer rats in advance. J-School 101 - apologize in print for unflattering comparisons.) It took three of the Beer Musketeers more than two hours to track down my old college roommate, Gary, on the internet. Stevil St Evil is the undisputed champion of Google search. I knew much more of Gary's past than the other two - small details like, oh, say, his wife's name. And Glenn? Well, on his good days, he knows how to spell "Google" so he was clearly pivotal. (I jest - he chipped in a few key finds.) And while we didn't find Gary, we eventually found his wife, Pat, on Facebook and living in Ottawa. Close enough for Rock 'n' Roll, my friends. After getting Pat on my Facebook Friend's list (again, J-School 101 - sorry about the other riff-raff on there, honey... it's no reflection on you), it was a matter of exactly two days before Gary and I were on the phone, catching up on over 20 missed years.

This man and I have stories that would curl
your decency up into a tiny quivering ball.
Not apologizing. We're kinda proud of that!

It was a wonderful if long overdue talk but Gary stumped me when at one point, he asked if I remembered how we first met back in college. Given that college was a constant blur of drunken tomfoolery for all of us (we were in Journalism - that is expected), I honestly couldn't remember. Well, turns out it was during a J-School field trip to Ottawa for our Political Science class during our first year. When our group visited Parliament Hill, I'm certain that it held some reverence for a group of wannabe reporters, simply standing in the hallowed halls where Canada justice and law is created. For Gary and myself, it may as well have been an afternoon jaunt to a children's petting zoo. Despite not knowing each other, we broke off from the pack and simply decided to take our own unsupervised tour that covered every square inch of Parliament Hills, including public corridors and private offices. Now I'm not suggesting we may have picked up a souvenir or two along the way but somehow (as if by magic), we were carrying this 'Big Book of Canadian Railways' - a book we certainly did not walk in with. Also, we were kicked off every single floor by security, who likely deemed us quickly and accurately as a couple of harmless nuisances. But we pretty much had the best and most thorough tour of any of our classmates and for me, it set an early tone. Now, whenever I go on vacation and take some boring tour, I tend to break away from the pack quickly.

This photo was actually Tweeted by the Senate
of Canada yesterday. It speaks volumes... Also,
our Senate does Twitter. How cool is that???

The next afternoon, our class went to tour the Russian Embassy in Ottawa, probably not the smartest place to wander at will. Gary and I decided a Brunch Beer Fest in our hotel room was a far superior idea. Our Political Science teacher descended upon us in our room, door wide open and was about to ream us out seven ways to Sunday for being the discourteous, disrespectful oafs that we were. That is until our Journalism Course Coordinator (so his boss) came wandering out of our bathroom, beer in hand. If there was one thing Gary and I learned at J-School, it was how to get into and then just as quickly out of trouble. Also if you're going to have an impromptu beer bash in a hotel room, important guests are key.

The phone call ended with a promised visit to see Gary and Pat in Ottawa (a city steeped with craft breweries... by happy coincidence) and frankly, I can say, no matter which season you choose, Ottawa is a beautiful place. I'll likely throw Glenn into the passenger seat for the Ottawa trip as trouble tends to gravitate towards him, leaving Gary and I free and clear to wander capitol city's hallways we probably shouldn't once again.

Cool little bottle. But the content? Meh!
Bring me the 99 Double IPA, people!!!

Okay, a few quick India Pale Ales that I imbibed recently, all of which I liked much enough but none of which bowled me over. Mike Duggan is the stuff of Toronto craft beer folklore - he is considered by many to be a pioneer in the field. As he has just reopened a brewpub in Toronto's Parkdale area (after contract-brewing at Etobicoke's Cool Brewery), it was high time to try his Duggan's # 9 IPA. Coming in an oddball little 275-ml (9.2 ounce) bottle, this IPA is a solid pale ale perhaps but not a strong IPA. At 6.2%, it has little in the way of aroma beyond light floral and goes down more like a malty lager. Like I said, a good beer but not the kind of head-blasting, tastebud-mangling IPA favoured at Donny's Bar and Grill. Nonetheless, I have heard his #7 Stout and #8 London Porter are pretty solid from Duggan aficionados so perhaps a road-trip to that new brewpub is warranted.

Interestingly enough, although it scored a full 20 points lower on RateBeer, I much preferred the Lake of Bays (Baysville, Ontario) 10-Point IPA. Again, more of a pale ale than IPA, the 6% "starter" IPA is a little piney and fruity on the nose, lightly hoppy on the tongue... but it fades fast!!! Not a bad beer but again, not a strong IPA - though, like Duggan's, a good crossover IPA for lager and ales drinkers. Also the brewery's Mocha Porter, which I love, should be in liquor stores by now so... yes, guy!

Holy crap, Muskoka Craft Lager beat out THREE craft IPAs
in this blog? Are dogs and cats suddenly fornicating???

And I'm afraid Samuel Adams Latitude 48 IPA, despite having the best mark of the three on RateBeer with an 80, was the weakest of the three to me. The aroma was earthy (not a bad thing) but also too malty. Caramel and weakly hoppy on the tongue. This Boston brewery makes many fine brews. This isn't one of them.

So what did I like this week? A lager. Yup, not kidding. Co-worker Marie bought a six-pack of Muskoka Brewery Craft Lager to try (given her recent fetish for Beau's Lug-Tread Lagered Ale) and while she was not sold, her beau, Ernie, quite liked it. I was given the tie-breaker. Of course, it gets punted on RateBeer (as do all lagers) but damn, grassy but also lightly hoppy on the nose (unexpected for a lager), it went down smoothly with a touch of malt and fruitiness but it was crisp, clean and enjoyed! This is the level that all mainstream lagers should strive for - a real beer drinker's lager!

Shhhh, actually, it's the same person but
dammit, this is my alibi and I'm sticking to it!

Okay, sometime tomorrow the ravaging hordes will descend upon Donny's Bar and Grill for the First Annual Mid-Autumn Night's Decadent Dangerous Craft Beer Festival. I shall take pictures when the Police arrive, provided I am not being (deservedly) clubbed at the time. This should kick more than a little ass.

As for Gary, how did he remain hidden on the Internet when virtually all of us leave obvious, clomping cyber-footprints?? (It would take less than two seconds to find me on Google.) Turns out he doesn't use the computer. Doesn't like it. Hasn't been on it for, well, quite some time - decades, even. Small wonder we had to bust our butts to find him... well, not even him, actually, but his wife, Pat. I am happy to report that Gary - with Pat's assistance - is now on Facebook and the United States' NSA (National Security Agency) can finally monitor his every word. Stevil St Evil and I often mourn for the NSA agent left to monitor our conversations and fear for his/her mental well-being after reading our garbage. We suspect it goes something like this at the NSA Headquarters: "Sir, it's not that they're subversive or even remotely a national threat... but these two guys? They're seriously messed up..."

Also Dennis, my college roommate just prior to Gary, told me to say hey to him when we talked. Dennis and Gary used to get into huge musical debates over who was better: The Beatles or The Who? Gary sided with The Who while Dennis chose the correct answer. Just sayin'... Okay, guys and dolls, that's it, that's all and I am outta here!!!! Until next time, I remain, as always...

What Amy brought me from Vermont...

Let it be said here: Vermont, the Green Mountain State
has some outstanding craft beers being brewed there...

The offer came out of the blue. A simple post on my Facebook wall. "In Vermont, give me your beer list." The reason the request surprised me is that it came from my upstairs neighbour and long-time friend Amy. She and her hubby, Simon, live 12 feet above and then 12 paces to the north of me in the sprawling luxury complex that houses Donny's Bar and Grill.

And as far as I knew, that's where she was, rather than 742 kilometres (461 miles) directly east of me. I gotta start putting GPS tags on my friends - swear to gawd, it's like herding cats... cats with Bailey's in their milk saucers. It seems she had simply switched Burlington's for the weekend, leaving this one and landing in Burlington, Vermont.

But if a lady makes a request, a gentleman should reply, especially that request! So I thought about it. In fairness, Amy is a wine drinker mostly with the odd foray into Molson Canadian if she's in a beer mood so I knew I'd have to be specific with my selected craft beer list. Time to reach high.

The campus of the University of Vermont in Burlington.
Amy was very close to this when her party landed there.

I started with state's Holy Grail, Heady Topper Imperial IPA from The Alchemist brewery in Waterbury - the most sought-after craft beer in all of North America. I followed that with AleSmith IPA (which is actually from San Diego) and Stone Ruination IIPA (Escondido, California), knowing she might have access to these beers in the United States. But finished the list with Lawson's Finest Triple Sunshine Imperial IPA from the renowned Lawson's Finest Liquids in Warren, Vermont, that I have read actually rivals Heady Topper for IPA Goodness.

Okay, full disclosure. I knew there was little or no chance of Amy actually scoring either a Heady Topper or Sunshine IIPA. These beers are legend and tend to be sold out within 30 minutes of landing in stores. Customers are often limited to 24 beers or even 12 in their purchases because let's face it - if I saw Heady Topper in a liquor store, I would slap a credit card on the counter and say, "I'll take it all, please." And then to paraphrase a classic cartoon, I would "do what we do every night, Pinky - try to take over the world!"

"If we could find Heady Topper, Pinky, we
could take over the world!" Or drink them

However, what I had done, in essence, was give Amy a list that she could recite to a liquor store clerk who would then know exactly which direction to steer her. And that's precisely what happened. Knowing she wouldn't find those specific beers, I added, "Basically, anything that says IPA on the label." So Amy went for the IPAs with the coolest labels (much in the same way some ladies pick a sports team based solely on the uniforms or a city's desirability as a vacation locale) and great thunderin' horny-toads, did she hit the jackpot.

When she returned home to this Burlington a few days later, I was regaled with tales of Vermont's beauty with it lush greenness, food that was natural, delicious and not deep-fried, people that were uber-friendly, warm and down-to-earth... and of course, the beer bonanza.

Okay, hands down, the Blue Ribbon Winner among the collection she smuggled across the border was the collaborative Double Dose IPA from Lawson's Finest Liquids and Otter Creek Brewing from Waterbury.

The rising smoke off their van makes Sean
Lawson and Mike Gerhart look like a Cheech
and Chong cartoon on the Double Dose label.
Repeat after me: "Dave's not here, man..."

Turns out one day, Lawson head brewer Sean Lawson accidentally spilled his chocolate into Otter Creek head brewer Mike Gerhart's peanut butter. And thus they created peanut butter cups. But based on the success of that, being phenomenal individual brewers in their own rights, they collaborated on the Double Dose IPA, an imperial IPA so outstanding that it had me rolling my eyes, drooling and pulling a Homer Simpsonesque, "Mmmmmmm, delicious double IPA..." Amy brought me single 650ml (22 ounce) bottles of everything except this... which came in a four-pack. So who benefits? That would be Beer Musketeers Cat and Glenn, who are due to land at Donny's Bar and Grill for the First Annual Mid-Autumn's Night Decadent Dangerous Craft Beer Festival next weekend as I have squirrelled aside two bottles for them. This is what they'll taste. Tropical and dark fruits on the nose while a large dose of spice, floral hops and pine dance like woodland nymphs on their tongues. (Glenn will like that because he's a skeevy perv.) One of the best IIPAs I've ever had and Lord knows I've had more than my fair share. (But at the same time, it's never enough. Sometimes I feel selfish but then I remember I don't really experience feelings like that and I move on...)

Next on the deck is the Stone Brewing Collective Distortion Imperial IPA. This 9.3% tastebud-blaster is actually called Stone-Kyle Hollingsworth-Keri Kelli Collective Distortion IIPA as the two musicians (with, respectively, the String Cheese Incident and Alice Cooper) joined the renowned brewer with some play-that-funky-music-but-infuse-it-with-beer ideas.

The only thing missing from the Stone Collective Distortion
IPA brewed with elderberries and coriander? That would be
the elderberries and coriander. Uh, yeah, I'm good with that

(That begs the question: when Wild Cherry ordered that white boy to play the funky music 'til he died back in 1976, were they ever charged with his murder?) Okay, billed as being brewed with elderberries and coriander, the two things I didn't get from this was, well, elderberries and coriander.  Though I always thought that it's a little sad when the younger, hipper berries push the elderberries aside, lemme tell you about this bad boy. Dark fruit, pine and floral on the nose, this is tangerine and grapefruit on the tongue. At this point, I feel I pretty much have to concede Stone Brewing can do no wrong. Gods brew among us, people.

Okay, four more so let's get jiggy with it. Next up is Rock Art Brewing's Belvidere Big IPA out of Morrisville. While not quite in the same league as the previous two, this is no slouch.

Mild on the nose, nice kick on the tongue. But
some question marks on the spelling of Belvidere
... or Belvedere as the rest of the world spells it...

For an 8% Imperial IPA, the aroma was a bit thin - little bits of fruit and citrus as opposed to the usual IIPA punch to the nose - but man, it sure came alive on the tongue. Pine, orange and citrus - yeah, it put on its big boy pants and let you know it was an Imperial IPA. From the same brewery came the Humble Harvester IPA, a newer beer. Low IBU (international bitterness units) at 50, this 6% offering may be more of a nice pale ale than IPA. Still, with tropical fruit on the nose and a mild spiciness on the tongue, this was a nice little brew... not in the same weight class as the Belvidere, but also not meant to be.

Okay, somehow a Groundbreaker Brewing (Portland, Oregon) Harvester Pale Ale landed in this bunch. While Portland may rival San Diego as the USA Craft Beer Capitol (too close to call from my perch), this is one of the few gluten-free craft breweries going. And while taking the grains (or as we call them - flavour) out of beer is dodgy at best, this is not too shabby. I mean, I'm not going to the edge of an African cliff and holding it above my head like Rafiki did with baby Simba at the Pride Lands in The Lion King (the airfare alone... forget about it) but this is solid. A little bread on the nose, there was light grass and citrus on the tongue. I'm not gluten-intolerant (though it hates me because I said that thing about its Mama - hey, I'm sorry... she's not tiny!), this is actually really good for that genre.

I've got your 10 Barrels right here, you little wussy-boys...

Okay, last one to the pool at Spring Break in Fort Lauderdale. That would be 10 Barrel Brewing's Apocalypse IPA. Okay, straight IPA, no Imperial, no Double... just a Regular Joe IPA. This kicked yo mamma's ass. The Bend, Oregon brewery has created a great 6.5%, 65 IBU that is on par with Flying Monkeys' (Barrie, Ontario) Smashbomb Atomic IPA. Not small praise. With Horizon, Centennial, Amarillo and Cascade hops, it brings the party to your nose. Grapefruit, orange, pineapple, grass on the nose, it's pine, fruit and delicious on the tongue. One of the best single IPAs I've had. I have to tip my hat at Amy! What an outstanding selection, honey!

Okay, next up... finally catching up with my old Journalism college room-mate Gary and the shenanigans that was our life, including dodging the RCMP at Ottawa's Parliament Hill while we cruised every floor...and how staggeringly successful two drunk dudes were at precisely that. Also, time to play catch up with countless beers. SO many beers. But guys and dolls, that's it, that's all and I am outta here. Until next time, I remain...

New growlers and Dead Elephants

Coming soon to a Beer Musketeer (or two), growlers
from Lake of Bays Brewing and Black Creek Historical
Brewery. Now the Beer Musketeers are fully growlered

Well, well, well... (which is either an opening statement indicating intrigue... or three separate sources of water if you live in the country), it would seem that the Beer Musketeers are about to be fully growlered up. A growler, for the unintiated, is the 1.9 litre (64 ounce) glass vessel to the right there. You take these bad boys into your friendly local craft brewer - Nickel Brook Brewing in Burlington in my case - slap some cash onto the table and subsequently walk out with some tasty beer that's brewery-fresh.

It was Beer Musketeer Stevil St Evil, sitting in his lofty perch in Wellington, New Zealand, who exhorted me to add growlers to my arsenal. So when I walked into Nickel Brook for the first time last Autumn, it was a no-brainer once I saw them. I was in love. (Disclaimer: My version of "love" may vary greatly from that of others.) Now while I have a, well, cavalier attitude about pretty much everything in life (my son, David, aside), this was beer talk and I take that pretty seriously. (Second Disclaimer: My version of "seriously" may vary greatly from that of others.) Let's just say, for once, I paid attention in class. In fact, I wish a few of my high school teachers could have seen my A-Game Attention Level - just so they'd finally know what that looked like. It was freakin' Beast Mode...

How to taunt Beer Musketeer Glenn. He was feeling a
bit of a financial pinch prior to pay-day last week (and
hey, we've ALL been there, eh?) and was saying he
wished he had some Muskoka Brewery Twice As Mad
Tom IPA so I messaged him this pic from Donny's Bar
And Grill, explaining Thor drank it all. I also Tweeted
it to Muskoka themselves, who responded they were
damn glad to have the God of Thunder on their side!!!

I asked the gent behind the counter about proper growler cleaning (rinse 'em out with piping hot water - no dish soap because better they have a little beer bacteria in there than soap bacteria). I was also cautioned that it's best to consume a growler within three days. It's equal to about five and a half regular beers so Not Even Remotely A Challenge... Accepted!!! And thus began my growler thug's life. Two from Nickel Brook were soon joined by another from Cameron's Brewing in Oakville, making three, and frankly while I thought growlers were gender-neutral and there would be no hanky-panky, suddenly three little one-litre (34 ounces) 'howlers' magically appeared on my kitchen table nearly overnight. Okay, not really, my co-worker Marie brought them back from Walkerville Brewery in Windsor, each filled with a different tasty product. So now there are six separate growlers at Donny's Bar and Grill. That may seem excessive but let's consider the beer growler storage capacity of my old college buddy, the aforementioned Stevil St Evil. Despite there being a 14,000 kilometre (8,700 mile) distance between us, he and I have daily cyber-contact and that is where we delve into the important and vital issues of day, namely beer, sports, comic book movies, awesome TV (can't even guess how many times he and I have collectively heard: "... the following may contain scenes of nudity and graphic violence...") and, well, ♫ girls, girls, girls ♫. Our Intellectual Think Tank has some pretty shallow water and that's the way we like it.

Is Duff Beer now considered craft beer? Guess I have to go
to Springfield to know - once I figure out which Springfield

While I have six growlers of various size, by my calculations, Stevil has somewhere between seven and 1,157. Like I said, my A-Game Attention Level was Total Snooze Mode during high school Math. Included among his growlers is a three-litre (101 ounces) bad boy that was gifted to him by a teacher buddy down under. (You see, teachers? That's how you get someone's attention, dammit!) So while I am well-stocked in growlers and Stevil is practically using them as furniture at this point, there was an inequity in the Craft Beer World. Beer Musketeers Cat and Glenn don't have growlers.

They do now. A buddy, who recently moved on October 1, discovered two growlers in his storage unit and gifted them to me, having recognized their purpose from my fridge. He's a Bud Light drinker so he identified them as "crawlers" but for a Bud Light drinker, that's remarkably close.

Welcome to the Thanksgiving Long Weekend in Canada.
Be sure to bring a pick-up truck to carry all those beers...

One was from Black Creek Historical Brewery and since it's run by Cat's sister, that's hers. The other, a Lake of Bays Brewing growler, is going to Glenn because he so doesn't care whose growler it is. The reason? Both will be filled with Nickel Brook's tasty Headstock IPA when the pair descend with a handful of other Beer Store hooligans and other thugs into Donny's Bar and Grill's Mid-Autumn Night's Decadent and Dangerous Beer Festival on October 25th. Those growlers are meant as parting gifts for the pair to fully growler them up unless we actually run low on beer for the Beer Fest (pretty sure that won't be happening). Why am I holding this little shindig? Two reasons: 1) Glenn insisted and 2) Remember when Russia was hit by a meteorite last year and in the end, its destructive wake actually caused about $20 million in infrastructure improvements? Yeah, I'm hoping that happens. Granted, it's unlikely that will happen but thus far, my life, which spans decades, has seen the odd  "Seriously? Wow, it shouldn't have but that worked out well" moments so fingers crossed. At the very least, hey, some new noise complaints and I've have a sweet collection of those... dating back to Grade 1 teachers.

Okay, seriously, are St Thomas residents
peeing in the water reserve out there???

You know what we should do now? Hey, let's talk about beer since that's kind of the point... well, after my usual preamble. Okay, about a year ago, I reviewed a handful of really good India Pale Ales and towards the end, referenced the Railway City Brewing's (St. Thomas) Dead Elephant IPA as being "dismal." I was being charitable. Up against the beers I reviewed, it was a distant 12th. And I only reviewed six IPAs. So that bad. When I saw their Double Dead Elephant Double IPA with its super-cool painted label, I was hoping, "Sick! Redemption time!" Had it so it's time to put in it historical reference with other imperial/double IPAs I've enjoyed. Here goes. If Nickel Brook's Immodest IIPA is man landing on the moon and Flying Monkeys' Shoulders of Giants IIPA is taking down the Berlin Wall and Central City's Red Racer IIPA is Nelson Mandela being released from a South African prison and my beloved Stone Ruination IPA (Escondido, California) is Martin Luthor King's "I have a dream" speech, well, then, Double Dead Elephant IIPA is... well, the Hindenburg.

Oh please, when have I ever been above a truly bad pun???

Oh, the humanity! It claims to have 70 IBUs (international bitterness units)??? Ahhh, yeah, well, then, apparently so does my tap water! Calling its aroma a muddle of nothing and its taste even less than that would be like calling me the recipient of the 1997 Nobel Peace Prize. Statically speaking, it could have happened. But it didn't. So I saw their Iron Spike Blonde Ale in the liquor store and was hoping I could at least praise one of its beer. Okay, had it... aroma of light citrus and, I dunno, maybe cigarette butts, the taste is sour. Just sour. At this point, after three of their offerings, I have a theory. Their municipal water supply is coming from a tainted well. Seriously. Something is honestly "off" with their beers. I believe it's in the water. Or they're just very bad at what they do. One or the other.

I honestly think I would stand my ground if I saw this
coming at me. Looks like a skeleton with a flag. Not scary

Okay, let's end this on a more positive, heavy metal note with Iron Maiden's officially-sanctioned Trooper Bitter Ale by Robinson's Brewery in Great Britain, Apparently, Iron Maiden lead singer Bruce Dickinson had a hand in this - which we all know means he had nothing to do with this, showed up for a publicity photo one day and brewery workers asked, "Who's the old fart with the long grey hair?" That said, this Extra Special Bitter was quite good. Yet another given the prison "don't drop the soap" treatment by RateBeer, this is much better than the 45 score it notched. Using Bobec, Goldings and Cascade hops, this has a nice citrus aroma, solid malt and spice on the tongue. I really liked this one. I will purchase it again.

Okay, guys and dolls, that's it, that's all and I am outta here! Until next time, I remain...

Too much pissent and BC craft beers

Yes, this Holsten Festbock sent a grown man, recoiling
in horror because it has an ABV of... wait for it... 7%

He was one of those Beer Store customers who is usually directed toward me or my co-worker Saga. Between us, we had tried pretty much every different beer in our store and that's over 400 different brands. And believe me when I say, both of us have branched out far beyond what our store offers. He knows what I like (hoppy stuff), I know what he prefers (malty and flavoured stuff) and in the middle, we have this huge cross-over area that centres mostly on the porters and stouts we both love. When we run across those, we're like a couple of old house-wives trading Apple Crumble recipes.

But this day, the customer with the thick eastern European accent and hesitant command of English was ushered in my direction. He wanted a dark beer - but just one can - which of course, instantly ruled out the obvious choice, Guinness, sold only in four-packs. Not a biggie, we have more in single cans, all of which I tried, some of which I actually enjoyed. I offered a Rickards Dark, a Canadian-made, British-style porter that is pretty solid stuff, but he waved it off like he was guiding a jet towards a runway. It was clear he wanted something European. Fair enough. So I handed him a German one, Holsten Festbock, another one that I quite enjoy when I'm in an Oktoberfest mood.

When it comes to craft beers, I believe BC is pretty much
dead even with Ontario. Both produce the country's best

He studied it for a second and suddenly, in very much a panic, handed it back to me quickly. "Too much pissent," he cried, "Too much pissent!!" It was like I handed him a crying baby. What he meant was that at 7%, the Festbock was a bit stronger than he had in mind. I finally sent him off with another - a nice safe 5% dark - and he seemed quite happy. But Saga was in the back of the store and missed most of this exchange. So naturally, I told him the entire thing... which subsequently sent him on a jag of raucous laughter that he could not stop for the entire shift. And thus, too much pissent became our thing for more than a month. The weird thing is that we never once applied it to a specific beer - its actual origin - but rather other every day situations. "Gord is too much pissent grouchy today..." "That last customer? She was too much pissent hot..." Except when he and I did it, we didn't sound eastern European at all. We sounded like two old Yiddish men arguing politics in a New York City deli.

Okay, in the BC Craft Brewers Guild's Natural Selection Six-Pack, we have,
from left, R&B's Brewing's (Vancouver) Raven Cream Ale, Whistler
Brewing's Bear Paw Honey Lager, Dead Frog Brewing's (Aldergrove)
The Bold Belgium Pale Ale, Phillip's Brewing's (Victoria) Elsinor Pale Lager,
Four Winds Brewing's (Delta) Saison and Steamworks Brewing's
(Vancouver) Pilsner. I thought four of these six were pretty damn good.

Just as all good things must come to an end, so too must all bad and ridiculous things. After hearing it applied to every possible situation ("Too much pissent of the grains in this hamburger bun could have been used to make beer, instead"), predictably our co-workers got too much pissent annoyed, just being around us. Hey, at least we gave them a decent reason this time! But being the class clowns that we are, it's only a matter of time before we stumble onto something new that amuses us but annoys the hell out of everyone else. Saga and I have too much pissent much fun at work. Those around us? Well, what can I say... it varies on a case-by-case basis...

Okay, I've taken too much pissent of your time with this so let's jump into that BC Craft Brewers Guild Natural Selection Mix-Six that chose not to include an IPA (damn you!).

Turns out Vancouver has a Flatiron Building!

Let's start with the Steamwork Pilsner, which won Best Craft Beer at the 2011 and 2012 BC Craft Beer Awards. At first, I thought, like most Ontarians would, "Hey, this is a blatant rip-off of Steam Whistle Pilsner. And look, they even used the Toronto Flatiron Building on the painted label!" Google, as it always does, proved me wrong as Steamworks began in 1995, a few years before Steam Whistle. Plus Vancouver and apparently tons of other cities have a Flatiron Building. Also unlike Steam Whistle, they make more than one beer - two year-rounds (this and the Pale Ale) and five more seasonals, according to their website. Also, according to RateBeer, they've had a few dozen other speciality beers released over the years, as well. So how it is? Well, hot damn, Martha, it's a helluva lot like Steam Whistle - in fact, nearly identical to me. I now wish I had a Steam Whistle in a second glass, just so I could have compared them mano-a-mano. Now because Steam Whistle is such a polarizing beer here, I will clarify that I mean this is a really good beer, a dynamite Czech-style pilsner. A light nutty aroma on the nose, bitter, smooth and lightly fruity on the tongue, a great pilsner!

Four Wind's Brewing head brewer Brent Mills holds up
a sample of the brewery's Saison. Outstanding brew!

But the best of this bunch, hands-down, was the Four Winds Saison, an outstanding 6.1% brew, which shares the status of Perfect Summer Beer Style with wheats. (Personally, I think IPAs transcend seasonal boundaries but maybe that's just me.... and a lot of other people I know. And maybe even the Pope... just sayin'...) Holy crap on a stick, this is a great beer. Ignore the punting it takes on RateBeer (how many times have I said that this year?) and let your own taste-buds decide. To me, it has a really nice citrus aroma and an excellent tang and sweetness on the tongue. Loved it!

Next up, let's look at the Dead Frog's The Bold Belgian Pale Ale, another one bent over the car hood by RateBeer. And again, wrongly so. (This has got to be a separate blog someday soon. Send your children to their rooms. It may get heated.) With Cascade and Columbus hops and five different malts (including chocolate), this is caramel, chocolate and spicy on the nose while spicy and citrus on the tongue. What's not to love?

As well as having one of the cooler brewery names I've
come across, Dead Frog Brewery's Derrick Smith and Chris
Landsman make one hell of a fine Belgian Pale Ale. Cheers!

After that is one I thought I would hate because cream ales are so not my thing. But R & B Brewing's Raven Cream Ale is actually the first cream ale I've ever liked. It's hard to fawn over because it's kind of the equivalent of saying "Best Dressed At Walmart" but still, gotta say, I was stunned. Caramel on the nose, some vanilla and malt on the tongue, I rather enjoyed it. You have no idea what it means for me to admit I liked a cream ale! A little like saying, "I have this cousin who's pretty hot..." There's a huge Yikes Factor. But this was quite good. I may have been unduly harsh on cream ales... but I doubt it.

Okay, the two that didn't wow me. Phillips Brewing knocked me out with their Amnesiac Double IPA. Remember how Garth and Wayne went down on their knees with the "we are not worthy" in Wayne's World 2 when they met Aerosmith? Yeah, that was me with that beer.

I have had my ONE pumpkin beer of the
season - the Nickel Brook Pissed Off Pete
Pumpkin Porter. That's it! From now on.
all of my pumpkin intake looks like this!!!
For the record, that was a pretty good beer

Well, their Elsinore Pale Lager wasn't horrible or anything but to be honest, the Steamworks Pilsner (which I had just prior) was a lot better. Lagers are light enough so there is little need for a 'pale' lager. This is Rolling Rock territory. Corn and grass on the nose, this was light citrus and malt on the tongue. On the Meh Scale, it's a solid... well, meh. All herds have their weaker members...

I wanted to like the Whistler Brewing Bear Paw Honey Lager but the problem was... it's a honey lager. Whistler is such a very cool place by everyone's description so I feel a little bad but not too worry. Within seconds, something shiny will distract me and the feeling-bad thing will be forgotten. Brewed with actual BC honey (which, I'm sorry, belongs only on toast or in your tea if you're an 80-year-old British woman), this is far too sweet on the nose and way too much pissent sweet on the tongue. One single cream ale has finally earned my trust. A honey lager has yet to.

Okay, by and large, I would absolutely say buy this Mix-Six if it's still around. My sole complaint is the breadth and width of selection. This is a Summer mixed pack. We have a saison so good there. But then we have an ale, a pale ale, two lagers and a pilsner, which is essentially a style of lager.

Phillips Brewing makes one of the best Imperial IPAs ever.
Also I'm kinda colourblind. Is that building, like, really blue?

Where's the wheat beer? Howe Sound's King Heffy Imperial Hefeweissen is one of the best wheat beers I've ever tasted and I am including the best German wheat beers when I say that. Where's the IPA? I have had so many good west coast IPAs. Spread it out, BC Craft Brewers Guild! Not criticizing. It was a solid Mix-Six. Just food for thought next year. Honestly, my Left Coast Homies, I did enjoy it and look forward to next year's crop of BC's best.

Okay. a couple of members of the Beer Musketeers just magically got 'growlered up' so that's coming next. Also, I'm very curious about Railway City Brewing in tiny St. Thomas, Ontario. They seem nice but their IPAs and IIPAs? Work needs to be done. But you know what? I'm too much pissent done so we'll rock this shit on the weekend. Guys and dolls, I love you all like my actual brothers and sisters (actually more... but don't tell them) but that's it, that's all and I am outta here. Until next time, I remain...

Meanwhile, back on that beer boat...

Once you're out on the high seas, there are no laws as
we found out when we jumped aboard the River Gambler
for the Craft Brew Cruise during Toronto Beer Week...

Traditionally, all you really expect from craft brewers is some really good beer. But under special circumstances, occasionally you get more and no, for a rare change, I'm not talking about Imperial IPAs or all those pretty women manning the booths at every beer fest I've ever attended. Or even pretty women handing me Imperial IPAs. Remember, given a choice between pretty women and beer, always choose the pretty women with beer. That's why every beer fest is totally a win-win  for me. *Pause* What the hell was I talking about again? Oh right, I remember!

This was the case at the Craft Brew Cruise aboard the good ship River Gambler a month ago, a beer-filled cruise around the turbulent waters known as Lake Ontario. Tons of beer on a boat is pretty much every fishing trip I've ever been on... but with the boring removed. And replaced with dancing (which would, at least, spice up a fishing trip with the ominous potential for capsizing.) But one craft brewer went that extra step to ensure fun and harmless shenanigans would be enjoyed by one and all at this event.

Eric Doman, half the brother act with sibling Jeff, at Underdog
Brewery chats up some happy customers at the Brew Cruise...

While I was standing in line waiting to board the beer-laden vessel, there was a bachelor party right behind me - six guys who looked like they'd been going hard since early afternoon. They were all dressed to the nines, wearing captain's hats and at this point were harmless but loud fun. I crossed paths with some of them a couple of times while still dry-docked as they were scattered about like stray cats. By the last time I saw them, they were in a bad way. The wobbly groom now had that dull-eyed, glassy stare that just screamed, "I was on a boat? When was I on a boat? Why was I on a boat?" would be his first questions the following day. Loud and fun was straddling that fine line between it and outright douchebaggery. That's when Eric Doman, co-owner of Oshawa's Underdog Brewery, who had been observing the group carefully stepped in and had a word with the organizer. Now I'll call this organizer 'House', not because he was a snarly doctor on TV but because he was [noun] "house, the size of..."

I erroneously identified Oast House as being from Niagara
Falls, rather than Niagara-On-The-Lake. The difference is
the first one has the actual falls while the second one is
adjacent but, uhhhhh, on the lake. Seriously, whoever
named the dinosaurs should name Canadian towns, too!

And suddenly, the bachelor party was *poof* no longer onboard, testing their wobbly sea-legs. Good frikkin' call, Eric and House. It's all fun and games until you're fishing a groom and two ushers out of Lake Ontario. (Okay, that would be a cool fishing trip.)

Okay, while I was so busy heaping brew cruise praise on the unnamed Oast House dark Dunkel and the Double Trouble Brewing's French Press Vanilla Stout, there were a few more that I had and unfortunately neglected. Well, a quick glance at the clock confirms it's beer o'clock at Donny's Bar and Grill (no biggie - all my clocks are set at beer o'clock) so let's look at the orphans I missed.

It's impossible for me to start with anything but Beau's All-Natural Brewing's Channel Ocho Spiced Mexican Ale. Why? Because this 8.9% beer is messed up!

I have no idea what they're showing on Channel 8 in
Mexico... but viewing it clearly cleans out your colon...

"It's very rare that we have this," the Beau's server told me, who only warned me that it was pretty spicy. Uh yeah, pretty spicy. You instantly get chocolate and the much-advertised chipotle pepper on the nose (when they tell you, "Oh, this is in it", you just know you're gonna smell it) but on the tongue, there was something else. Something familiar. Very familiar. You know that feeling that "I totally know this but what the hell is it again??" After a few sips, I finally got it - cinnamon. Lots of cinnamon. I think it took me a bit to figure that out because, much like the Spanish Inquisition, who expects cinnamon in beer? Felt kinda dumb when I finally figured it out but... (Hey, I've seen the show and while I may not be Smarter Than A Fifth Grader, at least I can buy beer, you snotty kids...) And all that cinnamon is on top of the chipotle! If you drank this with bean burritos, there would be no number for what happened in your washroom the next day. Glad I tried it but honestly, even more glad my taster cup was only four ounces.

Barnstormer Brewing and Pizzeria in Barrie is a
newbie to the scene but growing very quickly

Next up was a nice blonde ale but it was, in fact, it was the story of the brewery itself that caught my attention. Barnstormer Brewing and Pizzeria (yes... and pizzeria!) is pretty new to the Barrie scene, basically just finally setting up shop this year after spending all of 2013, jumping through all the usual City Hall bureaucratic hoops and construction headaches. But they already make about 20 different beers and their server told me they're looking to expand production from 10 hectolitres to 30 hectolitres very soon. (A hectolitre is 100 litres or just under 3,400 ounces.) That's pretty ambitious because while beer gives you that very ambition to do anything, it also takes away your capacity to do so. That said, I like their plucky spirit.

Oh and their 5.1% F-Bomb Blonde Ale? It was a nice patio or (in this case) floating drunkfest boat beer. Light compared to the others, no real aroma on the nose, light, citrusy finish on the tongue. I mean, it's a nice safe blonde ale - no one's expecting fireworks. That said, they have a whole bunch more, including a couple of IPAs and I have been known to pass through Barrie...

I fawned over the Oast House unnamed
Dunkel so much that their Barn Raiser
Country Ale was probably getting jealous

Okay, next up, let's raise a glass to Oast House's The Barn Raiser Country Ale. It's a pretty good beer but the toast is more warranted because I praised the brewery's unnamed but outstanding Dunkel in the Craft Brew Cruise blog... and then neglected this entirely. Sorry, Little Barn Raiser, you're cool, too. Okay, lessee, you were light grain and fruit on the nose, lightly hopped and a wee bit of honey on the tongue. Is your brother the Unnamed Dunkel still my Oast House favourite? Well, little dude, parents don't pick favourites. Okay, except one parent. This guy! Okay, I gave the Dunkel a credit card and the keys to the car but you may get some extra dessert, okay? Extra little sliver of cake. Don't whine. Be happy.

And as we wind down, I've been hearing a lot about the Junction Craft Brewery, smack-dab in the middle of my old stomping grounds in Toronto. So I had their Brakemen Session Ale. Again, not much except some malt on the nose, lightly hopped and slightly fruity in that weak British way on the tongue. Not overly impressive though still decent. But that said, I saw their list - they have, like, 50 beers. They'll be back here soon enough.

Thanks to Beer Musketeer Stevil St Evil, here's your
easy-peasy guide to what to drink with which meal!
The one fallacy here is that IPAs go with all foods!

Okay, last on deck (ahoy, matey!) from the Craft Brew Cruise is Collingwood Side Launch's Pale Ale. Hey Side Launch, remember at the Burlington Beer Festival, how much I loved the Side Launch Dark Lager (formerly Dennison's Dunkel) and a week later, how I praised your Side Launch Wheat (formerly Dennison's Weissbier). Yeah? You remember, right? You do, right? Hold onto those memories. Love you guys. Okay, high five! Man hug. Right then, let's talk about your Pale Ale. One: it's not your fault - on the same Brew Cruise was Great Lakes Brewery's Canuck Ale, which is basically Top-Three for all pale ales in Ontario. Okay, you have some nice hops and spiciness in the aroma but on the tongue? A wee bit thin, boys. That said, this 5.3% offering is a nice pale ale but I hold pale ales to the same stringent yard-stick I use for IPAs. Liked you just fine... not taking you home to meet Mom. (Be thankful - she has that unique ability to ask the same question 12 different ways.)

Okay, as I spell-check this, I realize this has been a little bit negative about every beer I discussed. Not intentional. When you're playing catch-up with beer, that's going to happen. The ones that blew you away are gonna get first mention. But that said, I would easily drink all of these again... except that Channel Ocho because I didn't walk straight for a week. (Also hoping it was the reason it burned when I peed the next day.) Remember though, no matter what beer it is, it never asks you if another beer is prettier or what its ass looks like in those jeans! And that Barn Stormer Brewery and Pizzeria sounds uber-cool. Also I truly liked the Barn Raiser Country Ale... but that Dunkel?? Oh man, tough to compete... Next up, in a few days, I will review those six beers from the BC Craft Brewers Guild Natural Selection Mix-Six. (Early hint: Ontario Craft Brewers did it better with their Discovery Park last winter but despite the absence of an IPA, four out of six of these are really good. But guys and doll, that's it, that's all and I am outta here!!! Until then, I remain...