Summer camp, Motley Crue and Scottish beers

When my buddy, Dave, scored us front row centre
seats to Motley Crue a few summers ago, singer Vince
Neil virtually guaranteed us some post-concert action
by putting the microphone directly in front of our dates
during Girls, Girls, Girls. One of my best pictures ever!

What could my son David's Summer Camp in tiny Forest, Ontario, kick-ass rockers Motley Crue and Scottish beers possibly have in common? Buckle up as you're about to find out...

You see, my boy is a big fan of the TV show, Glee. Personally, I find it as annoying as hell, having watched maybe one episode during its five year run. However, it does expose my boy to music he would never otherwise know so I have buried my distaste for it and simply consider it a cultural education in modern and past classic pop music for my boy. So when, say, a Queen song comes on the radio and David starts to sing along, I begrudgingly have to give credit to Glee.

Okay, back to Forest Cliff Camp - every summer they hold a Talent Night which is, in turn, is pretty much a karaoke night. Unless, of course, some camper knows how to juggle chainsaws... which I would absolutely drive the three hours to see. David was all set this year to sing Journey's Don't Stop Believing, a Glee staple. But unfortunately, for reasons unknown, they didn't hold their Talent Night this year.

How my buddy, Dave, dressed the night we saw
Motley Crue front row centre. Dozens of guys
posed with him when we were doing beer runs. That
red stuff on him? That's from the buckets of Crue
Spew thrown from the stage at the end of the show

Granted, it would have been tough to top David's song from last summer. I had no idea what he had chosen as his big Talent Night number until his Mom tagged both myself and my buddy Dave on Facebook to tell us. Turns out he'd gone on stage with Motley Crue's Home Sweet Home. We were blown away. While I am a pretty big Crue fan, having seen them four times (including once in Las Vegas) in the past five years, Dave would be more accurately described as a Crue fanatic, living and breathing through the heavy metal mad-men's ups and downs over the years. There is literally nothing Dave does not know about the Crue. In fact, he likely remembers seminal parts of their past that the band members themselves have long since forgotten.

But back to my boy. Now how would my lad weaned on Glee even know this song? Well, that's where the movie, Hot Tub Time Machine comes in. David and I love this 2010 comedy in which John Cusack (Adam), Craig Robinson (Nick) and comedian Rob Corddry (Lou) live dreary, meaningless lives in the present-day. They decide to break through their funk by revisiting the Colorado ski resort where they partied hardy back in the 1980s. It's a total dump in the present but they nonetheless book their old room, complete with its creaky old hot tub. But groundskeeper Chevy Chase has magically infused the hot tub with plutonium or some-such which then send the fellows back in time to a pivotal night in their youth.

Motley Lue played the credits of Hot Tub Time Machine
with Rob Corddry replacing Vince Neil as the lead singer

This, of course, is their chance to undo the past and set them on a better direction for the future. But at the last second, the obnoxiously-hilarious lovable loser Lou decides to stay in the past and alter his life big-time. He becomes a billionaire by creating the internet search engine called *ahem* Loogle. But prior to that, he becomes lead singer for the band known as (oh dear lord) Motley Lue. The song Home Sweet Home plays a big role early in the movie and then through the closing credits which mimics the Motley Crue video closely. So I have a CD sleeve on my car's sun-visor and whenever David and I turn onto my street in Burlington, Motley Crue's Greatest Hits goes into the player and track 9, Home Sweet Home, is sung very much off-key and very loudly by the pair of us. It's a father-son thing.

Women in stages of undress on the Scottish cans of
Tennents Lager? If Gail hadn't told me,  I would have
never known. Turns out her father was a pretty big fan

And that brings me to the Scottish beer portion of this little shindig. While picking David up this year, I decided to see what the tiny Forest liquor store had in stock that maybe I couldn't find here. Not much to be honest. But I found a little four-pack called the Historic Ales of Scotland so I grabbed it and decided it was high time to do a blog (now two - Part 2 tomorrow) on Scottish beers. You may be thinking, "Well, Motley Crue has nothing to do with the Scottish beers then?" and you'd be right. Dave and I just totally dig the fact that while everyone else at camp was singing Miley Cyrus and Katy Perry, my son was belting out the Crue. And those historic ales - yeah, they're waiting until tomorrow, too. Today, we're looking at Tennent's Lager and the humongous and outstanding Innis and Gunn family. I was careful to bounce my opinions off two of my favourite Scots, co-worker Saga whose love of the Celtic soccer team rivals Dave's love for the Crue and Gail, aka Braveheart, whose Scottish brogue is so thick, you wouldn't be able to understand a bloody word she said after three beers... mostly because she's tough to decipher stone-cold sober.

Holy Mother of Pearl, the Innis and Gunn Canadian
Cherrywood Finish Ale is just freakin' outstanding...

So let's start with the Tennent's Lager, one of Scotland's biggest-sellers. It is, in essence, the Scottish version of our hugely-popular Molson Canadian. A typical mainstream lager, though a wee baby step up from ours. The pride of Glascow, this is grassy in aroma, malty on the tongue and clearly a lager for the masses which reminded me of Ireland's Harp Lager. Saga shrugs it off as "horrible" but it was Gail who explained to me why this beer was so popular in Scotland. You see, here we get a yellow and silver can with a big red "T". Over in Scotland, they put pictures of pretty girls on the can - women in lingerie, bikinis, open dress shirts, tight dresses. Her late father was a dedicated Tennent's drinker for this very reason, she reckoned. "My dad had at least eight women a night," she quipped. "He used to hide those ladies behind the bread bin while he was making dinner. I could still see their cleavage, though. Short bread bin." Even Saga concedes to this as a "brilliant marketing strategy. We know how to sell beer. Bad beer, great can!"

There is no need for clever gimmicks on the Innis and Gunn bottles. These are some damn fine beers. Not a bad one in the bunch. But some are stronger than others.

These dudes just plain make really good beers!

Except for the lager, every one of them is barrel-aged, which adds wonderful wood to the equation. So I started with the Original. Caramel, vanilla and pine on the nose, malty sweetness on the tongue, I thought this was great... until I had the Innis and Gunn Rum Cask Finish. Ruby red in colour, you can smell the rum, oak and spice before the vanilla and caramel sweetness on the tongue. I thought this was dynamite... until I had the Innis and Gunn Canadian Cherrywood Finish. While all of these are stronger in ABV (Original is 6.6% while Rum Cask is 7.4%), this 8.3% nard-kicker is... well, pretty much that. The brewery, claiming this is the only Canadian Cherrywood cask-aged beer out there (let's assume they're right), uses three malts, Super Styrian and Goldings hops and, as a nod to us Canuckle-Heads, a touch of maple syrup in this devil's brew. Maple and cherry on the nose, it's toffee, berries and good bitter on the tongue. Liquid dynamite.

There were a couple of Innis and Gunners that I was less knocked over by, the most surprising of which was their Toasted Oak IPA. At 5.8%, it's a little light for an IPA. They say hoppy. I say if they try a Nickel Brook Immodest Imperial IPA or Flying Monkeys Shoulders of Giants Imperial IPA, they would have a better understanding of "hoppy".

Thin next to their ales. But as a stand-alone?
Innis and Gunn Lager is a pretty good beer

This is one of those mild British-style mild malt-driven IPAs. Which is fine but not the kind of IPAs that North Americans stagger towards like hipster zombies. Butter and vanilla on the nose, you get some banana and wood on the tongue... but zero hoppiness. It's a nice beer. Just not an IPA - the perfect IPA for hop-intolerant Saga.

In much the same vein, Innis and Gunn Lager fails in comparison to their ales. But let me add this quick clarification - only in comparison to their ales, which are by and large top shelf. I mean, for a lager, it's pretty damn good. Miles past Tennent's for certain, this 4.6% lager is one of the better ones I've had (aside from some great amber lagers). Touch of citrus and corn malt on the nose, there is actually a touch of hops, fruit and vanilla on the tongue. This is actually a damn fine lager. Thin against their ales but as a stand-alone? Not too shabby.

Okay, back tomorrow with McEwan's Scotch Ale, two Bellhaven offerings and of course, those four Historics Ales of Scotland. Also, Sassy Cassy's farewell gift to me, who won Radio Wars and well, whatever else rattles around in my brain between now and then. Oh yeah, here's the 1985 version of Home Sweet Home, first by Motley Crue right: HERE! And of course, I would be remiss if I didn't include the 2010 version by Motley Lue which you can see as presented in the final scene of Hot Tub Time Machine right: OVER HERE!!!!

But guys and dolls, that's it, that's all and I am outta here!! Until tomorrow, I remain...