Liz flies in and gets crafty...

The scene of the crime - Fionn MacCool's where Liz
finally got to try some of Ontario's finest craft beers!

Every couple of years or so, my high school friend, Liz, flies in from Coquitlam, BC, her now-grown kids in tow to see her Mom and make the rounds of the old stompin' grounds in Oakville, where we both grew up. Well, she seems to have grown up - I just got older with very little happening there in the way of personal growth. (That said, what should bring me shame is actually a personal point of pride. As Canuck rocker Bryan Adams once sang, 18 Til I Die...) So as we always do, we connected to make plans this past week with both Wednesday and Thursday night wide open for me. As the third part of this trio, Janet, was feeling under the weather Wednesday so Thursday it was. Except poor Janet was still down on Thursday and since it was the only option left, the trio became a duo.

Now because we're long-time friends, it means not only is there a liberal amount of dissing but it has to remain a No BS Zone because we know a lot of each other's dirty little secrets, dating back decades. Sadly, her dirty secrets are way better than mine.

Me and Liz during a visit home a couple of
summers back. I'd say this is how we looked
in high school but no one's gonna buy that.
But hey, this is how we acted in high school

Liz actually caught me on the GO Train as I was headed into Toronto's Festival of Beers last Saturday and upon hearing my destination, she quickly pointed out how just two summers ago when she visited, she brought some Muskoka Mad Tom IPA over to Donny's Bar and Grill and how I recoiled in horror trying it. This was during my Labatt's Blue Days. (Okay, Labatt's Blue Decades, if you wanna be a stickler.) "And now look at you," she chirped, "You're some sort of beer gourmet!" (Gourmet, no. Enthusiast? Yes, I will cop to that. Enthusiastically even.)

Now leaving Ontario in 1980, with stops in Banff and Vancouver before landing in Coquitlam, Liz has a considerable head-start on me when it comes to craft beers. By the mid-1980s, Granville Island Brewing and Okanagan Springs Brewing had popped up in BC with Calgary newcomer Big Rock Brewing also sending tons of their new beers to the Left Coast. Here in Ontario, only Wellington Brewery in Guelph had started up by that point and against the big three at the time - Molson's, Labatt and Carling - they weren't getting much attention. (That has since changed.) So Liz had years of discovering there were also other beers not made by the Big Three, worthy of her attention, much like Beer Musketeer Stevil St Evil discovered when he shifted out to the west coast in 1985.

I have NO idea who this lady is but she's wearing a Led
Zeppelin T-shirt and is certified in pouring the perfect
pint of Guinness so boys, here's your keeper there!

But Liz was now back on my turf and when she asked where we were going for the evening's festivities, I remembered a former co-worker telling me about a place in north Oakville that I had to try, given its craft beer selection. I knew the mall so off we went. We quickly ruled out the Kelsey's and Turtle Jack's, knowing their taps were mostly mainstream and figured it must be Fionn MacCool's. The Guinness harp in their logo was a bit of a tip-off.

Holy crap, did we pick the right night as that particular day is also the Irish pub's Craft Addict Thursday, including a large number Liz had not tried or even heard of. And it was $5 down the line for the lot of them. If you wanted a 20-ounce draft, your choices were Steam Whistle, Barking Squirrel Amber Lager, Shock Top Belgian White or whatever happened to be on Creemore Spring's rotating tap that day (their Premium Lager, in this case.) If you preferred 12-ounce bottles or 16-ounce cans, your choices were, in order of ascending ABV, Mill Street Organic Lager, Muskoka Detour Session IPA, Rolling Rock (not really a craft beer but very accurately described as an extra pale lager), Bard's Gold (gluten-free crap), Hops & Bolt's India Pale Lager, Mill Street Coffee Porter (now we're talkin'...) Collective Art's Rhyme & Reason Pale Ale, Hops & Robbers IPA, Spearhead's Moroccan Brown Ale and Hawaiian Style Pale Ale, Amsterdam Boneshaker IPA and last but definitely not least (more like most, actually), Unibroue's Trois Pistoles Belgian Strong Ale.

Sorry, Beer Musketeer Glenn, but in the
pale ale battle between Rhyme & Reason
and Spearhead Hawaiian Style, Liz chose
my favourite! I win, you lose, game over!

While, of course, Liz is well-versed in the Left Coast craft beers, it was left to me to guide her with the unknown Ontario ones so I got her started off with my favourite pale ale, Spearhead's Hawaiian Style while I tucked into a Rhyme & Reason, contract brewed by my homies at Nickel Brook since I hadn't had one in a while. At least a month, anyway. Having never had a beer with pineapple essence before, Liz, who, like I said, knows her stuff, was quite impressed. However, while I followed up with a pint of Barking Squirrel (which I have never had on tap  - I hereby further pronounce this beverage to be delicious... since I have before), she ordered some Rhyme & Reason after sampling a sip of mine. In this case, she was again a big fan of the citrus infusion within Rhyme. Suffice it to say, my gal Lizbert (yeah, we called her that and no, I can't remember why) was really enjoying some of Ontario's best. While I knew my next was gonna be the Coffee Porter, Liz's was mapped out - the Boneshaker IPA so that Beer Musketeer Cat could be representin' in the hizzouse with an Amsterdam brew. (Also, it's very good so...) Technical glitch. They were out. The Fionn MacCool cupboards were Boneshaker bare. So I decided I needed Liz to settle on ongoing argument between Beer Musketeer Glenn and myself. I favour Hawaiian Style as Ontario's best pale ale while Glenn favours Rhyme & Reason.

The grand finale - and oh man, was it grand!!

I said, "Look, settle a dispute for me. Those two beers you just had - one is my favourite pale ale, the other is my buddy Glenn's. Since I'm driving, you can have as much of my next beer as you want but I want you to order your favourite of the two, okay?" And I waited... and waited... for the waitress' return. (Not long, within a minute or two, actually - she was great and super-knowledgeable about their beers.) Ordering my Coffee Porter, I looked at Liz, who didn't know which beer was whose favourite and waited. Finally, she spoke. "Can I have another of that Hawaiian one?" Glenn, I would like to offer up these solemn words of condolence. IN YER FACE, MOFO! I WIN! YOU LOSE! Okay, sorry, man... actually, I like both beers a lot so that might be a little over the top. I apologize. I'll tone it down. But one thing first... WHAT HAS TWO THUMBS AND WINS?? THIS GUY!!! Okay, now I'm fine. Honestly. Sorry about your defeat of tragic Greek proportion, bro. *Quietly does an awkward little white boy victory dance*

Went from "don't like coffee" to "interesting"
to "getting chocolate now" to "lots in this" to
"this is really good" in literally milliseconds

But a funny thing happened while Liz was tasting my Coffee Porter. Ever see someone do a 180 within seconds? I did. Liz started by saying, "Yeah, I don't like coffee so this won't be my thing." Takes a sip, makes funny face. "Oh, yeah, lotsa coffee in that." Takes another sip. "It's very interesting, though." Takes another sip. "Getting some chocolate now." Takes another sip. "Yeah, there's more to this." Takes another sip. "Wow, actually, this is really good!" Takes another sip. Before she can speak again: "Liz, give me my damn beer back."

For our finale, I opted for the low-ABV Organic Lager (4.2%) but insisted Liz try the high-ABV Trois Pistoles (9%) simply because I've never had it and wanted to sample. As always, Quebec's Unibroue doesn't make an uncomplicated beer and we were getting different things. I got dark fruits - plums and prunes - while Liz got grapes and raisins, saying it had almost a wine quality to it. And from there, it kept changing and we both discovered more and more to its flavours. She got some sweetness, I got some bitterness... and on and on...

Anyone else here get the impression that her T-Shirt
is actually talking to the Bud Light? That was my guess

If I had to declare a winner from the night, I'm sure Liz would agree it was the Trois Pistoles. Just an outstanding - and very complex - beer. But as always, fantastic to see Lizbert, one of my oldest and most dearly-loved friends. As I have said before, there is no friend like an old friend. Plus there was beer...

Another winner on the night was my co-worker and good friend Gordo. He recently dedicated one of those glass-doored cabinets that grandmothers keep their fine china in to a beer glass collection. Since his daughter, Sarah, works in our local hang-out, Joe Dog's, he already has the usual culprits in there - Canadian, Coors Light, Keith's, Heineken, Stella Artois and a few others. Since he's given me some of his doubles - a Keith's and a Mill Street - I have been questioned as to when I will be adding to his collection. At this point, I should note Gordo gets his glasses through dubious means. He takes his elderly mother out every Thursday to get her hair done, run errands and what-have-you and they always stop for a bite and a pint. For being the humongous waste of carbon he is, he's actually a decent son. And then, Gordo's Mom asks the waitress if she can keep the glass! Who's gonna say no to that??? (Or she just says, "Screw it" and pops it directly into her purse.) Because I am a better friend than he deserves, I said to our waitress, "How much of a tip would I have leave to get one of those Barking Squirrel pint glasses?" She quietly spirited one to me, which I quickly stuck just outside the patio because I'm not parading that through the bar. Now, Gordo's Beer Glass Collection has a little more craft credibility. I plan to add more. And one young lady got one helluva tip. (She and her beau are taking a trip to Ireland soon... so random-act-of-kindness time, right?)

Okay, next up: how Vicky and Lloyd's Backyard BBQ and Rockin' Outdoor Band Bash got shut down by the cops. And after that, how My Son's Camp + Motley Crue = a blog on Scottish beers. Stay tuned. But guys and dolls, that's it, that's all and I am outta here!!! Until next time, I remain...