Catching up on The Summer of Beers

Reason # 14 that my craft brewer can beat up your craft
brewer!! My craft brewer, Nickel Brook, has a Keg Mobile
that comes complete with outer spigots and pretty women

I have about 14 or so Scottish beers, sitting patiently in the fridge at Donny's Bar and Grill - waiting for their 15 minutes of fame in Brew-Ha-Ha! glory and I'm afraid they'll have wait a while longer. Not to worry - I've put little kilts on each to keep them warm. It looks like the battle scene from Braveheart in there... well, as acted out by beer bottles. You see my beer consumption has vastly outstripped my blog production - probably due to excessive beer consumption - it's a vicious circle, this beer blogging. Consumption of the subject matter alone runs contrary to the productive use of time... well, unless you're like me and consider imbibing copious amounts of new beers the most perfect use of time possible. I remained mystified that any number of my ex-girlfriends do not understand the nobility in all of this. It's like they don't get the pivotal role that Brew-Ha-Ha! plays in the well-being of society itself. Perhaps that's because it actually doesn't but geez, ladies, give me something to work with here. Throw the dog a bone, as it were. Or a beer. Preferably the latter.

Control Malt Delete may be one of the most clever
beer names yet. This mild ale comes courtesy of
our friends Beachwood BBQ and Brewery out of
Long Beach, California. I raise my frosty mug!!

That said, I am now in the envious position of having to pause and play a little catch-up with 2014 edition of the Summer Of Beers...

I can now officially say I have tried gluten-free beer - once, accidentally and twice on purpose. The first time, as I said, very much an accident, was when I scooped a Bards out of the "orphan basket" at the liquor store. Cherry-picking the orphan basket, which hosts stragglers left over from plucked-apart six-packs, is a great way to try something new. Not knowing Bards was a gluten-free beer, I blissfully poured it into a mug and had at it. How can I describe this 'beer'? Well, it's like a brewery owner said to his brewmaster, "Okay, let's try something different. Hey, has anyone ever made a beer from chalk before?" I'm not sure what else to say about this - other than apologize to people who are celiac, meaning grain-intolerant and thus forced to drink gluten-free beer. Apparently, gluten is where all the wonderful beer flavour comes from.

Credit where credit is due. If I was celiac, I would drink
nothing but Snowman Brewing's Top Hat Ale. It's not bad

The third time I tried a gluten-free beer was when my Beer Store buddy Carter came to do a shift at my store and saw we had just received Schnitzer Brau gluten-free into stock. Carter bought a six-pack of this brew, made by Baden-Wurttemburg Brewery in Offenburg, Germany and happily offered me one. You know what? While this tastes similar to much of Europe's tepid mainstream lagers, at least it tastes like a beer rather than bog-water strained through a coffee filter!

But no, it was the second gluten-free beer that I had that actually stood above the GF pack. While at the Toronto Festival of Beer, I came across the Snowman Brewing gang out of Richmond Hill and their Top Hat Ale. Knowing full well it was gluten-free and that I had actually paid my hard-earned (or hardly-earned) cash for the beer chips, I nonetheless gamely slammed two tokens on their counter and said brashly, "Gluten free me!" Staggeringly, that invoked some chuckles and polite golf applause at the booth. Grainy and malty on the nose, this was caramel and light hops on the tongue. Happy I'm not celiac but if I was, I would absolutely drink this. Nice job, Snowman Brewing!

Tree Brewing's Cutthroat West Coast Ale is
another winner from the Kelowna BC brewer

A recent recommendation from co-worker Ryan was Tree Brewing's Cutthroat West Coast Ale. Oddly, this got punished on RateBeer with a 64 and I suspect that's because it's more a British style (malty) than West Coast American style (full-on hoppy), the latter of which, I prefer. That said, I must disagree - once again - with RateBeer on this one. Caramel and malt on the nose but some nice pine bitter hoppiness on the tongue. Not too shabby. It's not in, say, Great Lakes Brewery's Canuck Ale or Flying Monkeys Hoptical Illusion Almost Pale Ale's zone but damn, it wasn't too bad at all. This BC brewery cranks out a lot of great beers such as their Captivator Doppelbock which was gifted to me and their Hophead IPA, available pretty much everywhere here in Ontario. That Doppelbock, which I had a few months back after a travelling saint of a lady handed it to me and said, "Here's one you've probably never had..." Plum and raisin on the nose, bitter, berry and boozy (8%) on the tongue. Damn, I love a good bock! Smells like... Spring. More Spring than napalm, for sure.

Number 1? Really? Quick question: were there
other brews competing for this lofty beer crown?

Some beers should come with a warning label. That was the case when I plucked two Japanese beers, Asahi and Kirin Ichiban and one Thailand beer, Singha, from the orphan bin at the liquor store. For the sake of expedience, I shall review them all quickly. Asahi? No! Kirin Ichiban? No! Singha? Double no! How insipid are these beers? They make North American mainstream lagers look like they're bursting with flavour. Asahi bills itself as Japan's #1 beer while as you can see, Singha makes a similar claim for Thailand. My one question is simply this: What the hell do your #8 beers taste like???? I suspect both countries do have some great craft breweries cooking up good beer so I'll not tarnish them in the name of these three bottles of liquid Ebola Virus.

Thor's hammer, Mjolnir, as a beer opener? Take my money!

After my high school buddy, Cheesy, brought me a Goose Island Barleywine Ale up from Michigan (one of the most near-perfect beers I've ever had), I have kept my eyes peeled for further Goose Island offerings. Despite the fact the Chicago brewery was bought out by Anheuser Busch, they continue to operate independently to which I say to the big boys simply this: thank you. You have just bought a tiny bit of respect in my eyes... which is miles above where you were previously. But, back to the story, I found a Goose Island Matilda Belgium Ale up here and of course, snapped it up. Oh my stars and garters, this is tasty. Almost wheat beer-like on the nose with spice, banana and dark fruits, this is spicy, citrus, coriander and plums on the tongue. Wonderfully complex!

If you find a Beer Pong table more epic than this one, feel
 free to let me know. Because frankly, I don't believe it exists

A couple of quick shout-outs before we call it a day. First to my homies at Nickel Brook Brewery here in Burlington. Had to do some grocery shopping the other day and thought, "Hey, why not fill my growlers at the same time?" So I drove to the brewery, saw the Josh Man happily sweeping out front, made some early morning chit-chat with the dude and headed in. The lights weren't on in the retail area although the brewery was clearly in full production mode. Asked Josh, "What time do you open?" Turns out it's 11 a.m. Look at my watch - it's 10:05 a.m. D'oh! I'll come back, I quickly say. Nah, you're already here, they reply... and then cheerfully refilled my growlers. An hour before opening. And that's why these guys rock on a whole different level. Nickel Brook owner John walked by, saw me at the darkened counter with my growlers and jokingly yelled, "For crying out loud, lock the doors. Look at the riff-raff that's wandering in off the streets!!!"

Another reason to love Nickel Brook? They will gladly refill my one-litre
howler that co-worker Marie brought me back from Walkerville Brewery.

Shout-out number two goes to co-worker Sassy Cassy who will (sadly) be returning to school in Thunder Bay in a couple of weeks. Because I'm Donny Flip-Phone, I had her do a product search on her iPhone for my beloved Flying Monkeys Shoulders of Giants Imperial IPA. Once she plugged in my postal code, we realized the closest locale was Mississauga - certainly not miles away but, well, inconvenient to me. There's always other beers, right? But she noted that one of the liquor stores was literally five minutes from her house. The next day when I came into work, by gawd, there were two Shoulders of Giants 750-ml bottles waiting for me. I paid her, of course, but pretty thoughtful on her part. Like Nickel Brook, Cassy rocks on a whole other level. I will really miss her... well, until Christmas, holidays and next summer.

But guys and dolls, that's it, that's all and I am outta here!!!! Until next time, I remain, as always...