Lagers and ales... and super-fast Olympic sliding...

Sister Act: Justine Dufour-Lapointe and Chloe Dufour-Lapointe won early
medals for Canada when they took gold and silver respectively in the
Women's Freestyle Moguls in Sochi, Russia. At this writing, Canada is
second on the medal board behind Norway - and we still have hockey to go

The Summer Olympics and the Winter Olympics couldn't possibly be any less related.

The Summer Olympics involve lots of running, lots of jumping, lots of heavy lifting, lots of throwing and, on occasion, heaving. They are quick-paced, showcases of strength, often dramatic, and heavily-favour warm-weather countries.

The Winter Olympics, on the other hand, is more favoured among cold-weather countries such as Canada. But when you boil it down, the entire Winter Games revolve around one physical movement... sliding.

From Brutal Brewing in Grangesberg, Sweden comes
Pistonhead Kustom Lager, a serviceable brew in a cool can

Snowboard events are basically sliding down a mountain on a really cool piece of wood. All skiing events are sliding very quickly down super-steep mountains on two pieces of wood, the exceptions being that one where you're sliding cross-country and stop on occasion to pull out a high-powered rifle to shoot at stuff and the other where you slide halfway down the mountain to one big mother jump that propels you about 60-feet into the air, after which you are expected to land on the ground on two pieces of wood without breaking anything. Frankly, I think any athlete who even enters that one should automatically get a medal and free drinks at the Olympic Village Bar. That said, I'd really really like to try the sniper rifle one. I'd feel like a trained assassin in a James Bond movie. All luge, skeleton and bobsled events involve sliding down a track of, well, ice at an incredibly high speed and basically making it to the end of the course without, well, mangling yourself...

Alcohockey: a very Canadian form of Beer Pong that if the
International Olympics Association were to add this sport
to the 2018 Winter Games, I could represent my country...

And then there's curling, which involves carefully sliding a rock from one end of the ice to the other end where there's a big target. Back when I was in my 20s, I used to join my late father at the occasional curling bonspiel and sliding the rock was only one small part of the day. I'm not certain what happens at the Olympics but lemme tell you my curling experience. I firmly believe that some Canadian invented this game, simply to get out of the house and start drinking beer early in the morning. Because there was a helluva lot more of that happening than actual rock sliding. Y'know, if they eliminated the rock-sliding part of curling and just concentrated on the morning-drinking part of curling as a sport, I honestly believe I would go down in history as one of my country's greatest Olympians!

And finally, the favourite of me and my fellow citizens here in the Great White North, hockey... the sport where you slide around the ice on thin metal blades with a big wooden stick... using that stick to slide the little black puck to team-mates, who, like you, are trying to slide that same puck into the other guys' net. However, there is one condition. While you are sliding, if you bump into a slider from the other team, you have to cease all sliding, drop the gloves and fight them. It's mandatory. Don't look at me. I didn't invent this game. I just enjoy the hell out of it.

The Ontario Beer Company has gone a very safe route with
their 100 Mile Lager and Ale. Will they veer in a more radical
crafty direction with the inevitable IPAs and stouts??

Now today, in honour of the Winter Olympics, we will be looking at lagers and ales. Why? Because in the Sochi Athletes Village, that's what the boys and girls are drinking. They aren't having the Fancy Dan stouts or porters or IPAs that I favour. It's all lagers and ales over there... and since they're in Russia, also vodka. But I am not qualified to talk about vodka simply because all I know about it is that it used to only come in vodka-flavour. That no longer seems to be the case. Smirnoff Fluffed Marshmallow Vodka? Seriously? Are the Smurfs big vodka drinkers these days?

Okay, in the spirits of the Olympics, we're gonna start with a Swedish entry that landed in my store not long ago - Pistonhead Kustom Lager from Brutal Brewing in their town of Grangesburg. For starters, it's organic so... you know, hipsters rejoice. That's a good thing. (I suppose.) Light citrus on the nose, very smooth, I quite liked it. It's a decent lager. And the cool-looking can is glow-in-the-dark so bonus if you're a child-at-heart like me. A child that could have one day been a great Canadian Olympic champion had they taken the slide-rock component out of curling...

Big Rock's Saaz Republic Pilz is a solid
beer but I love their Traditional Ale

Next on deck... well, now this is interesting. The Ontario Beer Company's 100 Mile Lager and 100 Mile Ale, two beers that ONLY use Ontario ingredients. The Ontario Beer Company is the brain-child of Mike Duggan (he of the late, lamented Duggan BrewPub in Toronto and Duggan 9 IPA) and Brad Clifford of Get Well Bar who use hops from three separate Ontario growers in these two newbies. I had both in succession and icy-cold from the fridge at Donny's Bar and Grill, favoured the ale over the lager (which should surprise no-one). But the pair has gone with a very safe, mainstream route for these two brews. There's absolutely nothing wrong with that. Lagers and ales often travel this road. But... big but... when the time comes for them to create a stout or an IPA? Gentlemen, please go nuts. And by nuts, I mean go shithouse crazy! I really like the all-Ontario aspect but with these two, they didn't really make anything different than the other mainstream readily-available lagers and ales out there. Here's hoping they've just begun to create wild, new beers!

Hop City's 8th Sin Black Lager? Yeah, I'll go to Hell for this...

Next up is Big Rock's Saaz Republic Pilz (so a form of lager), straight from Calgary. Saaz hops are the weak sister of the Hops Family so they're only gonna give a beer a wee kick in the pants. And that's what has happened here. It's not bad at all but the Czech Pilsners are not quivering in fear. That said, it doesn't matter. It held its own. But this company's jewel has always been their Traditional Ale. I love that beer. That said, it's sold in single cans, has a little more bite than the traditional fare so give it a go. I'm a hophead so 'light bite' will never be enough for me. But it may be for you.

Ahhh, my friends at Brampton's Hop City, who won a gold medal for North American Style Amber Lager at the 2013 Canadian Brewing Awards for my much-loved Barking Squirrel, are back with another - their 8th Sin Black Lager.

Okay, okay... I rather like Hogsback Brewery's Vintage Lager
but can you tell which one of their beers I am eager to try??

What can I say about me and black lagers? Once you go black... well, you know how the rest goes. I love black lagers. If I was only allowed to drink one style of beer for the rest of my life, it would be... okay, totally IPAs. But if there were no IPAs, it would be... uhhh, it would be stouts. But if there were no IPAs and stouts, it would definitely be... well, ales but only ales as good as Rogue Dead Guy Ale and Mill Street Tankhouse Ale... not sissy weak-ass ales. But after that, it would be dark lagers. And oh my stars and garters, Hop City has created one kick-ass black lager with 8th Sin. Just 5%, this schwarzbier is everything I love in a stout... but far lighter. Coffee and cocoa to the nose, light touch of chocolate in the taste, bit of bitterness. Holy crap, this was good.

The Molson Canadian Beer Fridge is in Sochi, as we speak
and yeah, you can only open one with a Canadian passport!

That brings me to Hogsback Brewing Company's Vintage Lager. The Ottawa brewer use three different malts for this but falls back on the Saaz hops for its kick. Again, the problem is Saaz hops have less kick than a one-year-old playing soccer. I honestly wish some brewers would try, well, a hoppier hop in their lagers. Fortunately, their use of the 2-Row, Munich and Vienna malts combine with the Saaz for a pretty decent taste with this lager. This 5.2% brew actually got a better little with each sip. That's rare and definitely unique for lagers. Most wane slightly after the initial gulp. That said, I am incredibly eager to try their Hogsback's Aporkalypse Now Oatmeal Bacon Stout! Oatmeal, bacon, stout in one glass? This isn't a beer. This is a bloody proper Irish Breakfast!

People, you have exactly one day to find me
a Stone Brewery Enjoy By 02.14.14 IPA
because aside from the lameness known as
Valentine's Day, that is also my birthday.
Simply fly to the Escondido, California
and tell them it's for me. They'll know...

Well, just as Budweiser and Bud Light (brewed by Labatt up here in Canada) owns Canadian Super Bowl-watching beer drinkers because it's the brew most readily identified with the NFL, the Olympic-watching beer drinkers here are owned by Molson's. Not too surprising when your best-seller is actually called Canadian. Molson's knows this and has been putting together an incredibly-clever ad campaign around their Canadian fridge that can only be opened with a Canadian passport. Their first installment landed way back in my Canada Day blog which you can see RIGHT HERE! Love that commercial. Well, they kept it going with these outstanding commercials by next sending two buddies with another fridge to visit their buddy Morgan in Indonesia with this one, which we'll simply call: Morgan gets a special visit And then, they continued to highlight Morgan and his life of hockey worship in Indonesia with this beauty called: Beach Hockey! Okay, the bottles you see Morgan drinking in that ad are the 625-ml Molson Canadian "Victory" bottles and I think I can safely guess they're gonna be a huge-seller, particularly as the Women's and Men's hockey teams hits the playoff rounds in Sochi. And that Molson fridge? Well, it's in Sochi right now and readily available to our athletes to drink all the free Canadian they want... so long as they remember their passports.

This is how the Canadian women's hockey team celebrated
gold at the 2010 Vancouver Olympics... with magnums of
Molson Canadian and cigars at centre ice. That's our girls!

Okay, shout-outs! Well, well, well, my blog brother Glenn is finally back in the fold after a five-month hiatus. And what brought him back? His new-found love for IPAs. You can read all about it here at: Smashbombed On Craft Beers! And of course, my lovely young friend KC keeps cranking them out with her last Confessionals Of A Former Fat Girl blog wondering this: Did I Break My Diet On Super Bowl Sunday?

As for me, big weekend coming up. Tomorrow is my birthday (yes, Valentine's Day and yes, I recognize what a lame day that is for a dude's birthday) so co-workers Gordo and Saga will be taking me out for a rowdy night of terrorizing and traumatizing fair damsels in Burlington. And just as I recover from that, I will be jetting into Toronto to visit Bellwoods Brewery with my Amsterdam Brewery-loving friend, Cat, and the aforementioned Glenn, who's stoked because the brewery has THREE different IPAs. We will also be celebrating the birthday of our co-conspirator Steve St Evil down there in toasty warm Wellington, New Zealand on the 15th so big birthday weekend. You'll hear all about Bellwoods by Monday or so. But that's it, that's all and I am outta here so until next time, I remain...

... and now for something a lot less hoppy...

... for this is Groundhog Day, an annual
event where we pay tribute to Bill Murray

Well now, isn't February 2nd, 2014 a big day for two reasons! The first reason, of course, is that this is Groundhog Day - the annual 24-hour stretch we all set aside because this is the day we celebrate Bill Murray's classic 1993 comedy, Groundhog Day.

Yeah, there's also something about huge North American rodents and their shadows predicting the future weather but seriously, how drunk/high do you have to be to believe that?

And secondly, of course, it's Super Bowl Sunday - which if you're unfamiliar with it (yeah, right) is an annual event that sees millions of North Americans hunker down in front of the big-screen to drink beer and watch some hilarious commercials that are occasionally interrupted by what is usually a very one-sided football game. This year's title tilt is between the Seattle Seahawks and the Denver Broncos, two teams I like pretty much equally... as does Las Vegas which has basically called this affair a "pick 'em".

Scott Norwood is the reason I drink...
Okay, not really. That's far too heavy a
burden to place on one man's shoulders

You see, I am a long-time die-hard Buffalo Bills fan, dating back to my childhood. Back in ye olden days, we relied on TV antennas to watch the boob-tube. Where I grew up that meant you could watch TV stations from just two cities - Toronto and Buffalo. So I became a Bills fan. Some of you might remember the early-1990s when the Bills appeared in four consecutive Super Bowls (a record that still stands)... and lost every single one of them (a far-less auspicious record that also still stands). While Dallas (twice) and Washington had no problem beating my Bills in three of those Super Bowls, the Bills' best chance came in the first one against the New York Giants where with time running out and the Bills down 20-19, kicker Scott Norwood lined up for a very do-able 47-yard field goal. The always-reliable Norwood basically had the Super Bowl in his hands. Except on this day...

The words haunt me. "The kick is up and it's... wide right!" Wide right... wide right. Not since "I do" have two words so punished me. Actually, this was worse. In failed marriages, you can only lose a house. On the Bills, I had bet the whole damn farm. Wasn't my farm, mind you, but my Uncle Ed still won't talk to me to this day...

Old Milwaukee: for those who like
their beer with a 1940s pin-up lady

But it's Super Bowl Day and two teams I quite like are going at it in a matter of hours. On one hand, I kinda want Seattle to win it, just because they never have and this is actually their first appearance in the Big Game. But Denver? Man, they have Peyton Manning and that dude rocks so I think the bigger part of me is rooting for him. In the end, I just want a good game... (and possibly a Broncos' win.)

But to matters of beer, good quaffers... for beer is what Super Bowl Sunday is truly all about! And for Super Bowl Sunday, which usually begins in the early afternoon for most of us, that means the football fans need a session - or sessionable - beer, meaning something low alcohol. You see, the problem with the high-alcohol, high-IBU (international bitterness units) IPAs that I favour is that they are not marathon beers. They are sprint beers. And Super Bowl Sunday is a marathon. So the other problem with the high-octane, high-IBU suds is simply this: while both myself and my New Zealand beer-bro Steve St Evil prefer them to most others, we have determined that they have an effect that we very scientifically called "Sleepy-Makey."  Granted, I love a good nap - not sure why I fought so hard against them as a child. And it doesn't take very many of them. They're stealth-mode beers - they sneak up on you. It is fair to say high-octane IPAs are the ninjas of beers.

The other (other, other) problem is that while I go on at great lengths about IPAs in this blog (no, seriously, I do...), many beer drinkers, both craft beer lovers and commercial beer sluggers alike, can't take the IPAs. They're simply too hoppy for a majority of beer drinking palates.

Great Lakes Brewery's Crazy Canuck Pale Ale
is a great example of how a pale ale can be a
somewhat hoppier, which appeals to me, but
lightly so, thus appealing to everyone else...

Take my coworker, Saga... (please, take him... he's free to a good home and mostly house-trained...) He casts his net just as wide as me when it comes to discovering new beers but where I go hop-nuts, he goes malt-mad. Says beers that are too hoppy give him gas (like I said... mostly house-trained.) Having worked with him a fair few years, I can confirm there are a lot more things than an aggressively-hopped beer that give this lad gas. But in the end, he's loved as many newly-discovered beers as I have, just in a different malt-driven direction. And to be frank, when it comes to super-wide malt selection versus super-high hop hunting, I suspect Saga's tastes are far more wide-spread and representative of (a large number of) craft and (the great majority of) commercial beer drinkers than mine.

So today, I am looking to very lightly hopped IPAs and a couple of medium-hopped, regular-alcohol pale ales as the best sessionable beers for this, the holiest of days - Super Bowl Sunday. Or as I shall call them: SFS (safe for Saga) IPAs. Because we all want to see the game and not nod off on the couch by half-time.

Hops and Bolts IPL, made by Mad and Noisy
Brewing, which is actually Creemore Springs
Brewing, which in turn is owned by Molson's

My buddy, Kevin, has already stumbled onto one of the best out there - Flying Monkeys Hoptical Illusion Not Quite Pale Ale, a 5% offering that seems punchier than it is due to its use of Amarillo hops. It's long been my go-to session beer. Kevin, a long-time Blue Light and Old Milwaukee (brewed here under licence by Sleeman) drinker, likens it to a British bitter. As for Old Milwaukee, he always liked, as do I, the illustrations of the 1940s sexy (when sexy was still innocent) pin-up models on the cans and bottles of Old Milwaukee. But Kevin is also a pretty big fan of Creemore Springs Lager, which brings me to my next one...

Molson's is a gigantic Canadian commercial brewer and damn, if they aren't an incredibly clever one, to boot. While many American giants have been trying to sneak craft beers onto the market under different brewery names (and getting caught by eagle-eyed craft drinkers), Molson's hasn't bothered. Why? They don't have to. They own an actual craft brewery, Creemore Springs Brewery, founded in 1987 and bought out by Molson's in 2005.

Double Trouble Brewing out of Guelph has
thrown its Hops and Robbers IPA into the
session IPA pond. One of their three beers.

And - this is my favourite part of the story - the big corporate brewery did something unheard of... they let Creemore Springs carry on, business as usual. Even under Molson's eye, Creemore beers continue to have no preservatives and remain unpasteurized, just as they always were. They still get their spring water from artesian wells on the founder's property, just as they always have. Full marks, man - Molson's did everything right on this call.

So when it came time to slide something onto the craft market, Molson's simply said to Creemore, "Yeah, we're kinda busy, what with the selling of a million litres of Coors Light and Canadian every 12 minutes. Ooops, latest sales figures in... now it's every 11.87 minutes. Why don't you pick up the ball?" So Creemore did, creating their own separate wing, Mad and Noisy Brewery, which in turn cranked out Hops and Bolts India Pale Lager last summer. The beer, meant to be a combo of an English IPA with some Czech Pilsner leanings, is more hoppy in aroma than taste but still a pretty strong and tasty sessionable at 5.3%. It won't clean your clock... but then that's the point of session beers - to stay awake before the Red Hot Chili Peppers perform at Super Bowl half-time. The point of my high-test IPAs is to fall asleep just before Bruno Mars performs, also at Super Bowl half-time... and then wake up immediately afterwards.  Like, within seconds... maybe a couple of minutes, just to be sure.

One of the three new hop ales created by Alexander Keith's,
the Galaxy Hop Ale trumps the Hallertauer and the Cascade

Double Trouble Brewing, a two-buddy outfit which contract-brews out of Wellington Brewery in Guelph, has but three beers: their Break-Out Pilsner (a decent outing), their Fire In The Rye RPA (stay tuned to another blog - hands-down their best) and their sessionable 5.7% Hops and Robbers IPA. This beer is listed as 55 IBU, which is a little difficult to believe. Quite a bit lower, I'd guess. It's not a bad beer at all. Mostly citrus and floral in aroma and taste, not over-powering in the least. Definitely a Safe-For-Saga IPA, which makes it a solid choice for many looking to try something slightly hoppier. Because that's precisely what this is. Oh-so-slightly...

Okay, while Molson's lets Creemore Springs do that craft thing, Labatts lets Maritime brewer, Alexander Keith's do it for them. When Labatt scooped up Oland Breweries in 1971, they bought the Canadian east coast's oldest brewer and it's now Keith's job to come up with the new, hip-hoppy ales. They haven't done a bad job with it, creating the Cascade Ale, Hallertauer Ale and the best of the bunch, the Galaxy Hop Ale, all named after the hops they used. The irony is the three are in a 12-pack with Alexander Keith's India Pale Ale, the least hoppy of the bunch but the only one named as an IPA. For more on that confusing bit of business, read my previous blog: When is an IPA not an IPA??? Regardless, all three are decent sessionable hop beers, totally Safe-For-Saga. And I do actually like Keith's. It's just not an IPA.

Muskoka is not identifying this as an IPA on the
packaging but make no mistake. Detour IPA is
definitely a "sessionable" IPA and a great one!

Which bring us down to the gold medal. Well, after Mad Tom IPA and Twice As Mad Tom Double IPA - two of my personal favourites, especially the latter, I figured Muskoka Brewing has done pretty much all they could in the whole, y'know, IPA genre. Muskoka, you sly, beautiful brewing bastards, with your new Detour beer, you have created a low-alcohol (4.3%), low-IBU (What? Forty, 45, even 50 maybe?) IPA that ACTUALLY tastes like an IPA. Okay, not quite as biting as their big hitters or the other big craftie IPAs. But dammit, this is really really good. This is the perfect starter IPA and thus the perfect session IPA for Super Bowl viewing. It's got the citrus, it's got the grapefruit and the mango... Now when someone comes into my store and wants something a bit bolder than the average fare, among a couple others, I can hand them this and say, "Try a light-style IPA." This is the best - and coolest - surprise of 2014 so far. I will be drinking this again. And again. And again. If IPAs scare you, please try this one.

On behalf of the "beer fanatic" grouping, I apologize to those in the
pre-marital sex grouping, the affair grouping, the gay community, the
marijuana and OxyContin users and the ravers that you were lumped
in with us beer fanatics. That's unfair. Liars? You can all go to Hell...

Okay, shout-outs: Up at bat, Stevil St Evil is ready for the HSBS Sevens World Rugby Tournament in Wellington, New Zealand which includes a Team Canada so we're gonna call this blog of his: GO CANADA!

Okay, like I said, Super Bowl Sunday which is chockful of awesome commercials. So is actress Anna Kendricks' Newcastle Brown ad a Super Bowl contender or not? We won't know just yet. But in the meantime, enjoy this maybe-it-is-a-Super-Bowl-commercial- but-maybe-it's-not here at Will I Air During The Super Bowl?

And finally you may notice my sign-off is a tad different. The new social media policy came down at work, which frankly is really smart on their end and it dealt with blogs, Twitter, Facebook and any number of social media things. (Being ANY company's policy maker, particularly regarding social media these days, must be brutal. How do you keep up?) Do I work at a Beer Store? Yeah. Great gig. Do I represent them online? Hellz no. I'm just a dude who loves beer and writes about it. When I have the uniform on, 40 hours a week, yes, I do represent them and happily so... Best job ever. Hell, I'm surrounded by beer. When Brew Ha Ha comes out to play? That's after-hours Donny drinking beer and shooting the breeze... after all, there's 168 hours in the week. So I have lots of play-time...

And that's it, that's all and I am outta here! Until next time, I remain...

Winter Craft Beer Fest: Baby, it's cold outside

Scotty and Saga raise a cheer at the frostiest event of the
year: The Winter Craft Beer Festival at Steam Whistle...

The Roundhouse Winter Craft Beer Festival at the Steam Whistle Brewery in Toronto is one of the few beer festivals in the world where EVERY beer has the potential to become an ice beer...

Stouts, porters, IPAs, lagers... it doesn't matter. You leave that in your mug for more than 15 minutes and you're swilling down ice chips. I can't remember what the temperature was - something like -15C or -20C but you're right by Lake Ontario and when that wind comes in off the lake, *bam* it's feels like -30C. (To my American readers, that's about -22F... or North Dakota...)

And given the temperature, even a dedicated IPA hophead such as myself went mostly to the belly-warming porters and stouts, many of the high-octane variety.

Batman T-Shirt, flannel and a train station
named after me. Yes sir, I came to party...

Fortunately, they were in no short supply as the Roundhouse Winter Craft Festival had even more participating craft breweries than the summer one. All in all, the event attracted the likes of Black Oak Brewing, Flying Monkeys Craft Brewery, Great Lakes Brewery, King Brewery, Left Field Brewery, Mill Street Brewery, F & M Brewery, Wellington Brewery, Niagara College Teaching Brewery, Beau's All Natural Brewing, Neustadt Springs Brewery, Amsterdam Brewery, Grand Rivers Brewing, Lake of Bays Brewing, Sawdust City Brewing, Railway City Brewing, Silversmith Brewing and of course, the hosts themselves, Steam Whistle.

As well as the hundreds of other happy beer lovers, who bought $20 tickets in advance and made it a sold-out event a full 10 days before the gates opened on January 25, my co-workers Saga and Scotty, boss Allison and I all bundled up and made the trek into the Big Smoke for the event, mostly thanks to our Steam Whistle rep who wrangled us some passes when we discovered it was sold out. Only in Canada would an event that charges you to stand outside in the frigid elements to drink ice-cold beer be sold-right-out. We are a culture of a different sort - that much is certain.

Allison and a very brave Wild Bill Hickok-
looking dude who we dubbed Neil Young
because of the frills hanging off his leather
jacket. That's very Neil, circa 1973 or so...

Because I had my little notepad with me, not to mention my outback drinking hat and casual not-winter-resistant attire, the boys instantly dubbed me Hunter S. Thompson. (They were joking but to a former ink-stained journalist, that's actually high praise...) But due to the elements, something happened to me that never would have happened to Hunter S. My pen froze.

Fortunately, I brought a second pen. Which also froze. So while I did record a fair few beers, some of this will involve invoking my memory which was, I'll admit, a little sketchy towards the end.

Since my compadres arrived an hour before me, I was asked which booth I wanted to start with and before I could answer, Saga noted succinctly, "Wait, it's Donny. Flying Monkeys is over there - let's go..." (It's like he gets me...) And I first cracked my tastebuds with their Green Man Imperial Lager. Okay, this ain't your grand-daddy's lager - this bad boy is 8.8% and a mind-staggering 70 IBUs (international bitterness units), numbers more associated with super-hoppy IPAs rather than a lager. The aroma was malty and freezing cold but the taste had that grapefruit hoppiness that I love and have never associated with any lager ever. And from there, we roamed...

Next up for me was an Amsterdam Space Invaders IPA, a brew that I think the guy said they cooked up specially for the Fest. It was a solid offering, probably about 70 IBU and in the 6-7% zone (the guy wasn't sure), a citrus and damn chilly aroma with a fruit finish but from what I heard in the line-up, the biggest request was their renowned Boneshaker IPA, which they didn't bring. Fortunately, they had a  fairly suitable substitute with Space Invaders.

First on deck? Flying Monkeys' Green
Man Imperial Amber Lager - 8.8%
brew that packs a helluva hoppy punch.

And while I came back to Flying Monkeys mid-afternoon for one Smashbomb Atomic IPA, the rest of the day was mostly porters and stouts. Why? Because those are truly winter beers. But just before I did, I bellied up to the Neustadt Springs booth and got an Ever Ard, their nut brown ale. This low-alcohol offering - just 3.4% - is a dandy sessionable with its nutty, Polar Vortex aroma and lightly roasted malt finish. At that point, we stopped to get some pulled-pork poutine from the food truck and then scooted inside the brewery to warm up a little. For the record - and I knew this was gonna happen - Steam Whistle made out like a bandit on this frigid day as hundreds flocked inside to their bar to warm their toes and drink liberally from the bar. Hey, to the hosts go the spoils, baby! Good on 'em...

Saga and I popped back outside and my next choice was set: Sawdust City Brewing had taken their 8.5% Long Dark Voyage to Uranus Stout and infused it with raspberry for the event (and hopefully even a longer haul... fingers crossed. Let's let them finish setting up their new brewery in Bracebridge before flooding them with demands). To differentiate between the two, they tacked the word "Bloody" onto the beginning. You know what I like about stouts? A craft brewery can add more fruits, more chocolate, more nuttiness, more coffee, more anything, really, to a stout... and they just keep tasting great. Different, yes... but also great.

One of two firepits set up at the Winter Fest with many
propane heaters scattered over the grounds to help...

And that's precisely what happened here. They went super-heavy on the fruit, making its nose strong raspberry and Arctic sub-zero and its taste, chocolate covered raspberries. Both Saga and I loved it.

Saw the Lake of Bays booth and had to get a Mocha Porter to up my porter quotient for the day and just like the last time, this tasty beverage had that nice mocha and colder-than-your-mother-in-law's-heart aroma with its lightly chocolate and coffee finish. That's a nice porter, boys

But to me, the real winner of the day was F & M's StoneHammer Oatmeal Coffee Stout. Reason #1 was simply this: they were near the entrance and I don't think many people saw them. So I just kept walking up and getting more and more because, hey, no line-up. I really kept their server dude in sample chips that afternoon. And Reason #2: outstanding stout. Some lovely chocolate, vanilla, coffee and freeze-the-balls-off-a-brass-monkey frigid to the nose and lightly sweet oatmeal and toasted grains to the finish of this 5.5% winter seasonal.

The beauty of asking pretty ladies to be in a photo?
No need to ask them to strike a pose. They just do...

Interesting sidenote: my friends at King Brewery (best German style beers in the Province) saw a lot of customers not just for their beers but also because they had a spigot of warm Thornbury cider on hand. I learned something about myself. While Allison, Saga and Scotty all lined up for some warming spirits, I learned that even in the dead of winter, I will not drink cider. Nothing wrong with it - just not my kettle of fish. Though I suspect if there was a Toronto Cider Fest, I would steer a wide berth away from it. Fortunately, King was next to F & M Brewery's booth... so I wasn't lonely. Me and StoneHammer server guy happily chatted away while he kept refilling my mug. And for the record, while not a single brewer there brought an ice beer, many were consumed, regardless...

While Saga disappeared into the afternoon at about 3:30, ("I couldn't feel my toes!"), the rest of us lasted another hour before packing it in for, well, pretty much the same reason. Yeah, it got cold but I tell you, if they held another in the dead of February, I'd be right back there. Hats off (and balaclavas and parkas on) to all the participating breweries. Outstanding job.

And what would Winter Craft Beer Fest be without snow? It had to happen.

Okay, next up, some session IPAs (meaning low alcohol) for the IPA beginner! Why the Brewery Ommegang Hennepin Saison has me looking towards Spring! How was the Amsterdam Autumn Hop Harvest Ale? And much warmer things...

Shout outs: first up is Stevil St Evil and his look at why he waited until January 22 for his year-end blog on this link called: Because I'm A Procrastinator And of course, even though she injured her ankle on ice recently, my friend KC still makes the tough choice between acting brothers Chris and Liam Hemsworth in this offering called: Can't I Have Both?

Okay, gang, that's it, that's all and I am outta here!!! As always, until next we meet, I remain...

If I stop drinking stouts, does Winter stop too?

Ommegang Brewery's Take The Black Stout: the second
in their Game of Thrones line. I eagerly await their next
offering: Kill That Little Shit King Joffrey Blonde Lager

Someone recently told me, "Man, your life is like one long beer commercial..."

Not at all really. In beer commercials, ridiculously beautiful people drink regular commercial fare brews. Nothing wrong with that - I did that for years. But in my world, things are a little different. Those dudes in the commercials with the six-pack abs? Yeah, those gym-rats are fools because their rock-hard abs are exposed and unprotected. You see, I have wicked six-pack abs, too... but I wisely keep mine safely protected underneath an extra-thick coating of special beer "muscle" that I got from a copious amount of six packs of a different sort. Do I even lift? Hey, bub, I do some wicked glass-to-mouth curls that you won't see in your Fancy Dan gyms (but can observe readily at the bar next door). Those happy fun-loving girls in bikinis drinking that beer? Yeah, instead of them playing beach volleyball in my living room, I have a Persian cat that was given to me recently who leaves bloody cat hair everywhere. I really like her (she purrs a lot) but she's a sad substitute to those commercial bikini girls. But honest to gawd, if a member of the Bikini Squad showed up at Donny's Bar and Grill, I'd be more inclined to hand her a vacuum and say, "See if you have more luck than me getting this damn cat hair off the couch." But the biggest difference of all: in those commercials, you'll never actually see someone drink a beer. In a nutshell, that's pretty much the polar opposite of my life.

Lake of Bays Old North Mocha Porter
on a severe angle. I better rescue it from
tipping over and leaving a mess here...

And speaking of polar, through this nasty season that many in the know are calling a Polar Vortex (Ahhhh, that's adorable. I remember way back last year when we called it what it was - WINTER IN CANADA!), I have been padding my protective layer of "muscle" with countless stouts and porters, almost all of which are well over 200 calories per serving, high alcohol, damn tasty and heavier than Honey Boo Boo's momma. One of my most recent was Brewery Ommegang's Game Of Thrones Take The Black Stout, the second offering the Cooperstown, New York craft brewery has released honouring the HBO hit TV show.

Was it good? Is Jon Snow the bastard son of King Eddard???? Much to my surprise, I didn't get hints of chocolate from the aroma coming off the deep brown head. I got coffee and either figs or raisins (not sure which). A touch of chocolate to the taste but also dark fruit... I'm thinking black cherry. It comes in a 750ml bottle with a cork and wire cage and while I don't like the word 'hero', I used my bare hands to savagely rip off that cage, uncork that bottle and free that 8%, 210 calorie beer from its captivity. Put THAT in your next book, George LL Martin! Also please don't kill me off. Especially the way the Stark family bought it at a not-so-friendly wedding.

Want heaps and heaps of chocolate with your beer? Well,
Flying Monkey's The Chocolate Manifesto Chocolate Milk
Stout at your service. Maybe the best dessert beer ever.

Next on deck was Lake of Bays Old North Mocha Porter. Want to know the difference between a porter and a stout? Drink them one after the other like I did... and again remember, I don't like the word 'hero'. I do this for you. I simply reap the benefits of the research. Even though I used to lump the two styles together pretty much as one, porters are lighter in hue, taste and weight. If stouts are Winter beers, porters are late-Autumn beers. Some porters, especially one that pours with a pure white head like this, might even somewhat closer akin to dark lagers, according to my taste buds and alcohol content as this measures in at 5.2%. That said, long-time listener, first-time caller... big fan of the Porter Show. The Mocha Porter's nose is coffee and more coffee followed by a - surprise - strong mocha taste with some nods to dark fruits. Didn't knock me on my well-padded ass (again, rock-solid muscle with softer protective beer muscle casing) but indeed a very solid beer. But as you'll see, it has the misfortune of being surrounded by two exceptional stouts so some tough competition for ANY porter on this day.

Straight from San Diego, Green Flash Brewing's
West Coast IPA. Definitely in the top grouping!

And finally, I think I may have stumbled across the world's most perfect dessert beer - Flying Monkeys' The Chocolate Manifesto Triple Chocolate Milk Stout. Okay, this 10% cocoa bomb is outstanding. People, (ladies especially), it smells exactly like chocolate cake. I'm not joking. The notion is to either complement or contrast your food with appropriate beers - my personal belief has always been complement is better. That said, while I wasn't eating dessert when I had this (technically, it was my dessert), I could certainly imagine doing exactly that. The taste, again, heavy on the chocolate but you know those cherry-and-brandy-in-chocolate treats you get at Christmas? There was a wee hint of that, too. Good lord, this beer was delicious. Its high alcohol makes it a sharing beer (I didn't because the cat didn't want any - also, she didn't ask) but I can't imagine anything more worth sharing at the dessert table. I imagine like many specialty stouts, this is likely seasonal so snag one if you see it and tuck it away at the back of the fridge for when guests come over. A hidden treasure. I'm having another right now... so was delicious and is delicious again. Again, ladies and germs, this actually tastes like chocolate cake. It rocks! It's amazing what craft brewers can do with a stout. This stands next to Nickel Brook's bourbon-infused Old Kentucky Bastard for being at the head of the class. I am praying this is not a one-off mostly because I promised my co-worker, Marie, I would find one for her. Don't make a liar outta me, Flying Monkeys... And you know what? Screw dessert. I could drink this anytime. And plan on doing exactly that.

Part of their Tank Ten project, Great Lake's Lake Effects IPA
was very well-received at Donny's Bar and Grill. Sadly, it's
gone into hiding deep in the murky depths. Will it rise again?

Anyone who's read this blog for a while knows that when it came to IPAs, for a very long stretch, I had The Holy Trinity - Muskoka's Twice As Mad Tom IPA, Flying Monkeys' Smashbomb Atomic IPA and Founder's (Grand Rapids, Michigan) Centennial IPA.

Eventually, Surrey, BC's Red Racer IPA pedalled its way over here and the group became the Fab Four.

Then a couple of months back, Newport, Oregon's Rogue Brutal IPA stomped through town, trashing all in its path... and suddenly, it was the Fearsome Fivesome. All slightly different but equally strong in character. All top-ranking between 97 and 99 on RateBeer. All cherished and much-beloved (if not short-lived) guests at Donny's Bar and Grill.

So this laconic surfer dude named Green Flash Brewing's West Coast IPA floats way inland from San Diego, looks around at the other bad boys in their torn jeans and tattered shirts and says simply, "Zup, bros? I'm packin' 7.3% and 95 IBUs (international bitterness units). What's your game?" And thus, as it was written in the Ancient And Sacred Transcripts, the Fearsome Fivesome became the Sexy Sextet.

This Black Oak 10 Bitter Years IPA might also be a
limited edition, as well. If you see one, grab it quickly...

With the aid of four distinct hops - Simcoe (grapefruit), Columbus (pungent), Centennial (pine/citrus) and Cascade (floral) - you get all of that in the aroma... and the taste. A four-pack of this costs roughly what a six-pack of the others do (except Twice As Mad Tom, also a four-pack at the same price and Brutal IPA in the 650-ml bottle) and is well worth every penny. Except we don't have pennies anymore in Canada... so worth every nickle. It notched 99 on RateBeer but also was the only one that snagged a perfect 100 on style points, meaning as true to IPA form as it can possibly get. I used to think the best things about San Diego (my favourite American city) were the beautiful Spanish architecture, the super-friendly (and staggeringly attractive) people and a pretty kick-ass zoo. Well, West Coast IPA now holds spots 1 through 5... so you all shifted down a little. Sorry. Life happens. Changes occur. Deal...

The first beer I try at the Winter Craft Beer
Festival tomorrow? Ohh, probably this???
Sawdust City's awesome stout but infused
with raspberries? Plus I'll need the 9.7%...

Okay, two more very quickly here, if I can... (Oh wait, my blog... of course I can.) I wish I had told you all about Great Lakes Brewery's Lake Effects IPA sooner. Turns out, as part of their Tank Ten project, it was limited and I didn't know. It's gone now. (Not my fault... every time, I learn something new about a beer, it pushes something old out of my brain. I had to get my son to tie my shoes the other day. And show me how to use a door.) This 7%, 80 IBU brew was dynamite. The nose was grapefruit and pine, the taste was citrus and... I think peach (that's a first) and my gawd, it was tasty. And now it's gone. And I feel badly for not telling you sooner. So badly that I...

Okay then, moving along quickly (because I don't dwell), there's also Black Oak Brewing's 10 Bitter Years IPA on the table. Black Oak is famous for using reverse osmosis water for their beer (please don't ask me what that means - my kid had to tie my damn shoes so for sure, Grade 10 Chemistry is pretty much gone), this former-Oakville, now-Etobicoke brewery has created this 8%, 83 IBU beer that IPA lovers will jump on. (Note to self: get the boy to show me - again - what the jumping motion looks like.)

How many of my beers will look like this tomorrow? Answer:
none! I drink way too fast for this travesty to happen to me!

This 10th anniversary beer (not sure about the "bitter" part - hope it wasn't something I said...) is a beauty. Strong pine and orange on the nose, it has a really nice grapefruit and super-light caramel taste. Snagged a nifty 99 on RateBeer. BUT - I repeat but - I have no idea if this is a special edition. It may well be since it's commemorating the brewery's 10th anniversary. You see it, you grab it. Don't worry. My son will tie your shoes. For a price.

Okay, folks, tomorrow I am off to the outdoor Winter Craft Beer Festival at the Steam Whistle Roundhouse with Beer Store co-workers. If you don't live in Canada or near Toronto, I will tell you this... baby, it's cold outside. With the wind-chill, it's gonna be about -25C - or -13F to my American friends.

Ouch! When the Dallas Stars kicked
Toronto Maple Leafs'  ass the other night,
they put this mockery on the scoreboard.
I hate when they use Miley Cyrus against us!

So like, drinking beer in a Minnesota barn in January. But half its wall are missing. Quite possibly like many barns in Minnesota. I have no idea... But there's a 1% chance Toronto Mayor Rob Ford will be there and wouldn't that be fun?

Oh, also on behalf of Canada, sorry about the whole Justin Bieber thing. He used to be a nice kid. We're not sure what happened there. Well, too young, too much money, not enough IPAs is probably it. Wait, is he even legal yet?

But if I survive this frigid outdoor Winter Craft Beer Festival (I believe stouts will keep me alive), I will write about it on either Sunday or Monday. As soon as my son explains to me again how the days of the week work. The silly, irrelevant things you forget, eh?

And finally... yeah, it has been one long beer commercial... with some exceptionally great beers and many more to come. Okay, folks, that's it, that's all and I am outta here! Until next time, I remain...

Cat and Don's Most Excellent Amsterdam Adventure

Cat looks up at one of the humongous vats
at the new Amsterdam Brewery in Leaside

For a brewery that won three golds, a silver and a bronze, not to mention Beer Of The Year for their Spring Bock at the 10th Annual Ontario Brewing Awards last Spring, you'd think I'd have no problem finding Amsterdam Brewery. I mean, their address is published on their website, I have Mapquest.com - should be an easy A-to-B fluid motion. So when my friend Cat asked if I needed directions for a tour we were taking on Saturday, I laughed that hardy, typically-male "I don't need no stinkin' directions" laugh.

And of course, I got lost. Seriously lost because Mapquest sent me off the Don Valley Parkway one exit too soon, making their subsequent directions useless. In fact, what the "one exit too soon" does do to your travels is send you further away from your destination. You know that super-panicky feeling that overwhelms you when you innately sense you're moving further away from beer, rather than towards it. You sense a "disturbance in the Force"? No? Just me? Okay, then... (Liars..) So this (heavy sigh) led to several phone calls to Cat, who laughed and laughed, stopped laughing briefly and then laughed and laughed some more... and eventually she got me turned in the right direction. Easy for her - the recently-opened brewery, nestled in the Leaside community of Toronto, is a five-minute drive for her. I was driving in from the suburban wilds of Burlington... with faulty directions and stubborn male stupidity as my navigators. I've always believed that beer lovers were born with a beer compass within.

Took me a while to find Amsterdam Brewery but when I did,
clearly I was in my happy place. Beer as far as the eye can see!

So after eating sufficient crow, (say three Hail Mary's and five 'I'm an idiot's, my son...), suffice it to say, we didn't make the 1 pm tour. Fortunately, the brewery holds them every hour on the hour on Saturday so we could simply wait until the 2 pm tour and well, if you're gonna be stuck somewhere with some time to kill, where better than a brewery? So we nestled up to the tasting bar and got a preview of what we were about to see in the brewing process.

Our guide, an amiable and outgoing fellow named Chris, walked a rapidly-growing collection of us through the brewery, explaining each step as we went along. I knew a good chunk of what he was explaining about the actual brewing process from my stint at Toronto's Beer Academy but I knew little beyond that. When it came to the bottling and canning process, as well as their volume and distribution, I knew nothing and drank it all in with rapt fascination. We learned Amsterdam, which will turn 30 in 2016, cranks out the equivalent of 300,000 cases of beer a year in bottles, cans and kegs. In Toronto, that puts it just behind only two other craft outlets: Mill Street Brewery and Steam Whistle Brewing. According to Chris, when they bought Peterborough's Kawartha Lakes Brewing 10 years ago, they not only continued their line, they brought the KLB brewmaster in to make it. He remains with the company to this day. (The award-winning KLB Raspberry Wheat has a huge following during the warmer months and for my money is the best fruit-flavoured beer out there. Muted sweetness and wheaty goodness.)

The Amsterdam-jammed  inside of Cat's beer fridge,
 which is conveniently located beside her Lazy-Boy
 chair in the living room. Ironically, my beer fridge is
 located, ahem, roughly 12 steps from my Lazy-Boy.

When it came time to belly up to the sample bar, we got to try all the beer we'd heard about, including the KLB Raspberry Wheat, as well as Boneshaker IPA and Natural Blonde, both of which I have heaped liberal praise on in previous blogs. Their 4.1% 416 Lager is unfiltered (much like Boneshaker) so there's a very light natural cloudiness to it with a grassy aroma and a very very light citrus hop to it. Great summer session beer. Their Wee Heavy Scotch Ale threw me with its very earthy aroma but this 6.2% brew has a nice malty finish - definitely a cold weather beer. The nicest surprise of the samplers was their Big Wheel Amber Ale. I'd had it a few years ago and just kind of forgot about it. This 5% offering is lightly hopped, just 19 IBUs (international bitterness units), relying more on its imported malts. Burnt malt gives it a crisp, clean taste. It's one of Cat's favourites as her beer fridge (right) will attest. But the one I wanted to get my hands on was their Fracture Imperial IPA, a 9%, 115 IBU hop bomb that they sold in their retail store.

Why? My buddy, Glenn, who recently made the foray into IPAs (not gonna say it was this blog that sent him down this path... *cough cough*... it totally was...) bought one and said all he could smell was pot. That's not surprising as Chris explained to us that numerous hops came from the same botanical family as marijuana.

Amsterdam's uber-cool ceramic swing top growlers

I could see where he was confused. Its aroma is pine, pine and more pine but yeah, if you think pot while you're smelling it, that certainly comes to mind. Granted, that just begs the question: why was Glenn thinking of dope? Citrus and tropical fruit dominate the taste, which is outstanding. It scored a couple of points higher than Boneshaker on RateBeer (95 vs 93) but Boneshaker had a huge edge on style point. So naturally, as well as the singles of Fracture, I also grabbed a case of Boneshaker IPA and singles of their Autumn Hop Harvest Ale and KLB Pale Ale. I'll let you know one night when I crack open a quiet beer... followed by 11 incredibly noisy ones. (They say you can't always get what you want. And yet, every time I want a beer, that theory goes down the crapper.)

My poor friend Kevin tried a Mad Tom IPA
for the first time and got Gus Fring-ed. 

Another buddy, Kevin, also emailed me a few days back to say he had dipped his toes into the IPA waters after years of drinking traditional Canadian fare. So what's his first IPA? Uhhhh, wow - Muskoka Brewery's Mad Tom IPA. One BIG step up from what he's used to. I was actually afraid for him. Hell, I was afraid for his entire family. So I emailed him back, asking, "Did it blow the top of your head off?"

His two-word answer: "Sort of..." But he attached a picture of Breaking Bad drug-lord Gus Fring (Kevin and I watched the entire series over the course of a month at virtually the same time) with his face, well, half blown off from the last episode in Season 4. Ummm, way too late spoiler alert? That's good old Gus on the right there. Crime doesn't pay. He should have opened a craft brewery. Regardless, the other night, Kevin continued his sojourn into craft beers and was thrilled with Flying Monkey's Hoptical Illusion Not Quite Pale Ale, which reminded him of an English Bitter. In fact, he drank the entire stock the restaurant had, which was only two, but still, we can all shout with pride, "Kevin drank them dry!!!"

Okay, a couple of corrections from my last blog... and I can't believe I've written this many without a single mea culpa to date. In my last blog, I said that Steam Whistle's unique green painted-label bottles were re-used 20 times, as opposed to 12-15 for the industry standard. The brewery was quick to correct me. It's actually a staggering 45 times, three times the industry standard!

Turns out that Black Oak Brewery has
been taking loving care of Lone Pine IPA

The next correction came from Aaron Spinney, the head brewer of Sawdust City Brewing in Bracebridge. I had said their Lone Pine IPA was brewed in the Brewmasters Course at Niagara College. Uhhhh, not quite. The college was cited as the source brewery by RateBeer, where I got the info and it turns out that's not quite the case. Here's Aaron's message...

"Loved the article. I'd just like to clear up one thing about our Sawdust City Brewery. We brew all our brands (Lone Pine included) at Black Oak Brewery in Etobicoke as our facility up North comes to a completion. In 2011, while I was in school and Sam Corbeil was teaching there, we did a few batches at Niagara College for testing. I've been personally brewing this since I started with Sawdust back in April. Prior to my arrival, Sam and the boys at Black Oak have been brewing our elixir.

Keep up the good work, wicked blog. And remember don't be shy to contact us for any information or questions you have for us. This industry is a very friendly and open and we love sharing... And drinking.

Enjoy the beer, keep on blogging!"

Wow, cool. Good on Black Oak... whose 10 Bitter Years Imperial IPA will be getting some serious praise here in the near future. And thank you, Aaron, for being so cool about my gaffe. (Note to self: buy more Lone Pine IPA... I really like the head brewer... he's good people.)

Hey, hey... look at what KC got me for Christmas!

Okay, last blog I promised to review the Lake Of  Bays Mocha Porter, Flying Monkeys The Chocolate Manifesto Chocolate Milk Stout, Brewery Ommegang's Game of Thrones' Take The Night Stout, as well as their Hennipen Farmhouse Saison. But a very cool brewery tour interrupted that. The good news? I've had three of the four so next time, okay? Quick question: are there ANY bad porters and stouts? Seriously. I know it's cold out but... geez, I am loving these winter beers. Gotta be the chocolate. No rush... we all know I'll pop a tasty brew or five and write a blog (or go on Facebook) when I have nothing better to do in a few days. Unfortunately, I also do that when I do have better things to do. Like cleaning Donny's Bar and Grill. The dust bunnies are starting to steal the beer. Thieving dust bastards.

Okay, shout-outs! First up, of course, is Cat who did the Amsterdam Brewery tour with me! You rock. That was a blast! Mill Street next. Next on deck is my friend, KC, who, like me took a wee break over the holidays. Well, folks, she's bad and she's back. Check out her very funny Confessional of a Former Fat girl at: I'm Back, Baby!

Two comedy troupes take a run at beer and they're both funny. First up is comedy group Nacho Punch, who run the piss out of craft beer geeks here at: Hipsters Love Craft Beer And well, I love craft beer so I'm not gonna let that funny video go unchallenged. So here's Random At Best taking a run at commercially popular brews: An Honest Beer Commercial. That one has some language so watch around young ears.

QUICK ADDITION: Cat reminded me to say that you can get 25-packs (yes, 25) of Big Wheel or Natural Blonde at the Amsterdam brewery for $32.95 plus deposit. Jump on that, people... not sure how long that's gonna last!!!

Okay, folks, that's it, that's all and I am outta here. Until next time, I remain...

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