Lagers and ales... and super-fast Olympic sliding...

Sister Act: Justine Dufour-Lapointe and Chloe Dufour-Lapointe won early
medals for Canada when they took gold and silver respectively in the
Women's Freestyle Moguls in Sochi, Russia. At this writing, Canada is
second on the medal board behind Norway - and we still have hockey to go

The Summer Olympics and the Winter Olympics couldn't possibly be any less related.

The Summer Olympics involve lots of running, lots of jumping, lots of heavy lifting, lots of throwing and, on occasion, heaving. They are quick-paced, showcases of strength, often dramatic, and heavily-favour warm-weather countries.

The Winter Olympics, on the other hand, is more favoured among cold-weather countries such as Canada. But when you boil it down, the entire Winter Games revolve around one physical movement... sliding.

From Brutal Brewing in Grangesberg, Sweden comes
Pistonhead Kustom Lager, a serviceable brew in a cool can

Snowboard events are basically sliding down a mountain on a really cool piece of wood. All skiing events are sliding very quickly down super-steep mountains on two pieces of wood, the exceptions being that one where you're sliding cross-country and stop on occasion to pull out a high-powered rifle to shoot at stuff and the other where you slide halfway down the mountain to one big mother jump that propels you about 60-feet into the air, after which you are expected to land on the ground on two pieces of wood without breaking anything. Frankly, I think any athlete who even enters that one should automatically get a medal and free drinks at the Olympic Village Bar. That said, I'd really really like to try the sniper rifle one. I'd feel like a trained assassin in a James Bond movie. All luge, skeleton and bobsled events involve sliding down a track of, well, ice at an incredibly high speed and basically making it to the end of the course without, well, mangling yourself...

Alcohockey: a very Canadian form of Beer Pong that if the
International Olympics Association were to add this sport
to the 2018 Winter Games, I could represent my country...

And then there's curling, which involves carefully sliding a rock from one end of the ice to the other end where there's a big target. Back when I was in my 20s, I used to join my late father at the occasional curling bonspiel and sliding the rock was only one small part of the day. I'm not certain what happens at the Olympics but lemme tell you my curling experience. I firmly believe that some Canadian invented this game, simply to get out of the house and start drinking beer early in the morning. Because there was a helluva lot more of that happening than actual rock sliding. Y'know, if they eliminated the rock-sliding part of curling and just concentrated on the morning-drinking part of curling as a sport, I honestly believe I would go down in history as one of my country's greatest Olympians!

And finally, the favourite of me and my fellow citizens here in the Great White North, hockey... the sport where you slide around the ice on thin metal blades with a big wooden stick... using that stick to slide the little black puck to team-mates, who, like you, are trying to slide that same puck into the other guys' net. However, there is one condition. While you are sliding, if you bump into a slider from the other team, you have to cease all sliding, drop the gloves and fight them. It's mandatory. Don't look at me. I didn't invent this game. I just enjoy the hell out of it.

The Ontario Beer Company has gone a very safe route with
their 100 Mile Lager and Ale. Will they veer in a more radical
crafty direction with the inevitable IPAs and stouts??

Now today, in honour of the Winter Olympics, we will be looking at lagers and ales. Why? Because in the Sochi Athletes Village, that's what the boys and girls are drinking. They aren't having the Fancy Dan stouts or porters or IPAs that I favour. It's all lagers and ales over there... and since they're in Russia, also vodka. But I am not qualified to talk about vodka simply because all I know about it is that it used to only come in vodka-flavour. That no longer seems to be the case. Smirnoff Fluffed Marshmallow Vodka? Seriously? Are the Smurfs big vodka drinkers these days?

Okay, in the spirits of the Olympics, we're gonna start with a Swedish entry that landed in my store not long ago - Pistonhead Kustom Lager from Brutal Brewing in their town of Grangesburg. For starters, it's organic so... you know, hipsters rejoice. That's a good thing. (I suppose.) Light citrus on the nose, very smooth, I quite liked it. It's a decent lager. And the cool-looking can is glow-in-the-dark so bonus if you're a child-at-heart like me. A child that could have one day been a great Canadian Olympic champion had they taken the slide-rock component out of curling...

Big Rock's Saaz Republic Pilz is a solid
beer but I love their Traditional Ale

Next on deck... well, now this is interesting. The Ontario Beer Company's 100 Mile Lager and 100 Mile Ale, two beers that ONLY use Ontario ingredients. The Ontario Beer Company is the brain-child of Mike Duggan (he of the late, lamented Duggan BrewPub in Toronto and Duggan 9 IPA) and Brad Clifford of Get Well Bar who use hops from three separate Ontario growers in these two newbies. I had both in succession and icy-cold from the fridge at Donny's Bar and Grill, favoured the ale over the lager (which should surprise no-one). But the pair has gone with a very safe, mainstream route for these two brews. There's absolutely nothing wrong with that. Lagers and ales often travel this road. But... big but... when the time comes for them to create a stout or an IPA? Gentlemen, please go nuts. And by nuts, I mean go shithouse crazy! I really like the all-Ontario aspect but with these two, they didn't really make anything different than the other mainstream readily-available lagers and ales out there. Here's hoping they've just begun to create wild, new beers!

Hop City's 8th Sin Black Lager? Yeah, I'll go to Hell for this...

Next up is Big Rock's Saaz Republic Pilz (so a form of lager), straight from Calgary. Saaz hops are the weak sister of the Hops Family so they're only gonna give a beer a wee kick in the pants. And that's what has happened here. It's not bad at all but the Czech Pilsners are not quivering in fear. That said, it doesn't matter. It held its own. But this company's jewel has always been their Traditional Ale. I love that beer. That said, it's sold in single cans, has a little more bite than the traditional fare so give it a go. I'm a hophead so 'light bite' will never be enough for me. But it may be for you.

Ahhh, my friends at Brampton's Hop City, who won a gold medal for North American Style Amber Lager at the 2013 Canadian Brewing Awards for my much-loved Barking Squirrel, are back with another - their 8th Sin Black Lager.

Okay, okay... I rather like Hogsback Brewery's Vintage Lager
but can you tell which one of their beers I am eager to try??

What can I say about me and black lagers? Once you go black... well, you know how the rest goes. I love black lagers. If I was only allowed to drink one style of beer for the rest of my life, it would be... okay, totally IPAs. But if there were no IPAs, it would be... uhhh, it would be stouts. But if there were no IPAs and stouts, it would definitely be... well, ales but only ales as good as Rogue Dead Guy Ale and Mill Street Tankhouse Ale... not sissy weak-ass ales. But after that, it would be dark lagers. And oh my stars and garters, Hop City has created one kick-ass black lager with 8th Sin. Just 5%, this schwarzbier is everything I love in a stout... but far lighter. Coffee and cocoa to the nose, light touch of chocolate in the taste, bit of bitterness. Holy crap, this was good.

The Molson Canadian Beer Fridge is in Sochi, as we speak
and yeah, you can only open one with a Canadian passport!

That brings me to Hogsback Brewing Company's Vintage Lager. The Ottawa brewer use three different malts for this but falls back on the Saaz hops for its kick. Again, the problem is Saaz hops have less kick than a one-year-old playing soccer. I honestly wish some brewers would try, well, a hoppier hop in their lagers. Fortunately, their use of the 2-Row, Munich and Vienna malts combine with the Saaz for a pretty decent taste with this lager. This 5.2% brew actually got a better little with each sip. That's rare and definitely unique for lagers. Most wane slightly after the initial gulp. That said, I am incredibly eager to try their Hogsback's Aporkalypse Now Oatmeal Bacon Stout! Oatmeal, bacon, stout in one glass? This isn't a beer. This is a bloody proper Irish Breakfast!

People, you have exactly one day to find me
a Stone Brewery Enjoy By 02.14.14 IPA
because aside from the lameness known as
Valentine's Day, that is also my birthday.
Simply fly to the Escondido, California
and tell them it's for me. They'll know...

Well, just as Budweiser and Bud Light (brewed by Labatt up here in Canada) owns Canadian Super Bowl-watching beer drinkers because it's the brew most readily identified with the NFL, the Olympic-watching beer drinkers here are owned by Molson's. Not too surprising when your best-seller is actually called Canadian. Molson's knows this and has been putting together an incredibly-clever ad campaign around their Canadian fridge that can only be opened with a Canadian passport. Their first installment landed way back in my Canada Day blog which you can see RIGHT HERE! Love that commercial. Well, they kept it going with these outstanding commercials by next sending two buddies with another fridge to visit their buddy Morgan in Indonesia with this one, which we'll simply call: Morgan gets a special visit And then, they continued to highlight Morgan and his life of hockey worship in Indonesia with this beauty called: Beach Hockey! Okay, the bottles you see Morgan drinking in that ad are the 625-ml Molson Canadian "Victory" bottles and I think I can safely guess they're gonna be a huge-seller, particularly as the Women's and Men's hockey teams hits the playoff rounds in Sochi. And that Molson fridge? Well, it's in Sochi right now and readily available to our athletes to drink all the free Canadian they want... so long as they remember their passports.

This is how the Canadian women's hockey team celebrated
gold at the 2010 Vancouver Olympics... with magnums of
Molson Canadian and cigars at centre ice. That's our girls!

Okay, shout-outs! Well, well, well, my blog brother Glenn is finally back in the fold after a five-month hiatus. And what brought him back? His new-found love for IPAs. You can read all about it here at: Smashbombed On Craft Beers! And of course, my lovely young friend KC keeps cranking them out with her last Confessionals Of A Former Fat Girl blog wondering this: Did I Break My Diet On Super Bowl Sunday?

As for me, big weekend coming up. Tomorrow is my birthday (yes, Valentine's Day and yes, I recognize what a lame day that is for a dude's birthday) so co-workers Gordo and Saga will be taking me out for a rowdy night of terrorizing and traumatizing fair damsels in Burlington. And just as I recover from that, I will be jetting into Toronto to visit Bellwoods Brewery with my Amsterdam Brewery-loving friend, Cat, and the aforementioned Glenn, who's stoked because the brewery has THREE different IPAs. We will also be celebrating the birthday of our co-conspirator Steve St Evil down there in toasty warm Wellington, New Zealand on the 15th so big birthday weekend. You'll hear all about Bellwoods by Monday or so. But that's it, that's all and I am outta here so until next time, I remain...