The Purple Heather goes Green

For this year's St Patrick's Day festivities, I wore my only
green shirt - a Green Lantern shirt, as modeled here by
world-renowned Theoretical Physicist Sheldon Cooper...
(On a side-note, Jim Parsons turns 42 years old today!)

Rose are red
Shamrocks are green
Don't party too hard
You're not Charlie Sheen
~ Ancient Irish Proverb, celebrating St. Patrick's Day

There seems to be some debate as to where St. Patrick was born. Yes, he died in Ireland - of that, there is little doubt. But where was he born? Some claim he was of British descent but was kidnapped by Irish pirates and brought to Ireland as a slave when he was about 16 years old. According to legend, he later escaped, fleeing back to England, became a cleric and then moved... back to Ireland? Because who wouldn't want to return to the scene of the crime they deftly escaped? Doesn't sound like ol' Patrick was Patron Saint of Brains. "Geez, I wonder if the pirates are still here?" he probably wondered on the journey back to the Emerald Isle.

And of course, there's the whole "ridding Ireland of the snakes" legend attached to his name. That must have been ridiculously easy as post-glacial Ireland had no snakes. That's a little like me claiming to rid Canada of all the fire-breathing dragons. Where's my Saint Donald's Day festivities? (Just kidding - around here, every day is St Donald's Day...)

This happy couple was feeling very Emerald Isle
at The Purple Heather's St Paddy's celebrations...

But the general consensus is that he was born in Kilpatrick, Scotland, (circa 387 AD) making the Ireland's most famous saint... a Scot. I suspect if you are either purely Irish or Scottish, this distinction means a great deal to you. Being of both Irish and Scottish descent, I could care less. My Scottish side, of course, preaches moderation in all things and frugality. My Irish side hears that, laughs loudly and says, "Don't listen to that wanker!!!" So of course, I don't. Hell, if I owned a bar, I'd call it Moderation, simply so I could tell my friends, "Hey, drink in Moderation" and actually mean it for once.

So as a half-Scot, half-Irish guy, where do I celebrate the greenest festivity of the year? Well, why not The Purple Heather Gastro Pub, Burlington's best-known Scottish pub? (Quick aside: St Patrick's favourite colour was not green, but actually blue. Or as I choose to call it as a colour-blind man... green.) But going there was a chance to meet Doug Birrell, the GM/partner in the Burlington eatery. Turns out Doug and I have one degree of separation, that being our mutual decades-long friendship with my former brother-in-law Craig. Doug was ridiculously easy to spot - he was the only guy in the bar who's roughly the size of a line-backer. Perhaps even a couple of them.

Bartender Tyler serves up another green beer
from the Keith's IPA-infuser tap, whereby the
bar add fruits, veggies, whatever they want to
the glass cylinder to create a new taste. And
 they added some green dye on St Paddy's Day.
What was in the infuser? Apple, melon, kiwi
and pear. What I tasted? Bananas. No apples,
melons, kiwi or pear. I just tasted banana.

Within minutes of sitting down with him, it's abundantly clear that Doug is a hands-on owner. (Not surprising, considered his actual hands are the size of canned hams.) Taking over from the previous owner, Doug decided a shake-up was in order. While the taps were previously dominated by the big brewers, Doug went a different route. These days, one third are the big domestics (Bud, Coors Light, etc, which is smart - you have to have the top sellers), one third are the popular foreign imports (Heineken, Kronenbourg Blanc, Guinness and the like, again a smart move) while the final third are dedicated to craft brewers. That was initially a roll of the dice, he openly confessed, but one that seems to be paying off. He noted the reps for the bigger brewers tried their damnedest to convince them to increase their presence, rather than the reverse (because that's doing the job they are paid for) but he wouldn't budge. I suspect you'd have an easier time trying to knock over Stonehenge, ramming it with your head.

But while I break down their taps into thirds (domestic-foreign-craft), Doug does so differently - top-third, middle-third and bottom-third but in terms of sales. Anything in that bottom third? Well, its survival is at risk. So naturally, you may think the craft beers are the ones on the bubble. I instantly inquired about my Burlington home boys, Nickel Brook Brewery, whose punchy and personal favourite Naughty Neighbour American Pale Ale is on tap. "Well, when we started it, it was obviously in the bottom third," he admitted. "Since then, it has steadily worked its way into the top-third."

When Anheuser-Busch  bought out Chicago's hugely
popular Goose Island Beer Company a few months
back, there was panic in the craft beer world. So far,
they seem to have left them alone to just keep doing it

Among the crafties available are Creemore Urbock (ultimately owned by Molson's so some may dispute its craft cred but I say screw that, it's a damn good bock), Wellington Brewery's Special Pale Ale, Mill Street Organic Lager, Goose Island Honker Ale and the Purple Heather Honey Lager. So you have your darks, your lights and those in between (but an IPA wouldn't suck - just sayin'.). But let's look at those last two, can we? Goose Island is a hugely popular craft brewery in Chicago which just got bought out lock, stock and smoking barrel by beer giant Anheuser-Busch a few months back. Not a lot of craft beer people saw any positive in this. I can think of one. Because of the purchase, Labatt in Canada, which is associated with Anheuser-Busch, can bring Goose Island beer to the Great White North by the keg. Is it popular? The keg was tapped out and Doug was scrambling against a lot of other bars to get some replacement kegs in pronto. Sounds like another top-third to me, if Labatt can get more of it up here. And the Purple Heather Honey Lager - the bar imported heather honey from Scotland, handed it to Nickel Brook Brewery and said, "Make something great." The first sample I had two months ago was, well, a bit too sweet. It has since been tweaked into something much more balanced. Now that's a great brewery/bar collaboration.

The Trafalgar Brewery's Irish Brown Ale was actually not a
bad brown ale. On the downside, it's a brown ale so well...

Since tap space is finite, Doug told me he looking to expand their craft offerings in the bottle selection, singling out Barrie's Flying Monkey Craft Brewing as one of the obvious choices. Okay, before I get to beer reviews, one more thing about The Purple Heather. It is the only bar I know with Moosehead Brewery's low-cal, low-carb Cracked Canoe on tap. Why? It's Doug's beer. Patting his stomach, he confessed with a smile, "Gotta watch my figure." That said, while I have never had it (hell, if you've met me, you know I desperately need carbs), it is apparently one of the better low-carb beers available, meaning simply, I've heard it actually tastes like beer. Now Doug swears others drink it too and I am not gonna argue with the man because I am not looking to become a smudge on the pavement. But great place, great guy and before I left, he told me to come back on April 4th when Tres Hombres, a really good ZZ Top cover band, would be there. "They wanted to come here because they knew a band that had a great time when they played here. They said their price, I told them what I was willing to pay. They're coming anyway." There was - no joke - a $1,500 difference. See you on April 4th, Doug.

Brewed with a wee bit of maple syrup,
this Bock wasn't too bad at all. I love a
good Doppelbock and this one did work

So some let's talk St Paddy's beers and it would be impossible to ignore Trafalgar Brewing's Irish Brown Ale. Why? Because at the liquor store, there was a tag that actually said, "Try me. I'm Irish." What are you gonna do? Tags don't lie. My history with Trafalgar has been hit-and-miss... mostly miss. The Irish Ale, while not exactly an insult to Ireland, is a bit one-dimensional, quite thin but well, I can cross it off the list. Too grainy on the nose, maybe a hint of caramel on the tongue, not offensive per se but almost bordering on brown water.

Another hit-and-miss brewery with me has been Railway City out of St. Thomas, Ontario. Their Dead Elephant IPA was a big dull dud. Their Double Dead Elephant IIPA was a wee step up but for an imperial IPA? Nope, kind of sad sack. But I saw their Sham Bock and thought simply, "St Patrick would want me to." You know, while I wasn't ridding Canada of dragons. This is a nice bock, very clean. They used from local maple syrup in it but (wisely) lightly so. Licorice on the nose, coffee on the tongue, definitely the best Railway City offering so far. Not sweet at all, despite the maple syrup. At 5.8%, a little lighter than I like my dark beers.

Does Great Lakes Brewery make a bad or even mediocre
IPA or Imperial IPA? Because so far, all have been great.

Okay, time to throw a few strong contenders into the ring and, surprise, surprise (which is to say, no surprise at all), they're coming from Great Lakes Brewing and Bellwoods Brewery, both from Toronto, two of my favourite breweries. At a Rib Eye Jack's Ale House, I finally snagged a Great Lakes' Robohop Imperial IPA. Talk about being in my wheelhouse. The aroma was very citrus while the grapefruit on the tongue gave me a nice bitter slide. You would absolutely not know this was a 9.2% beer.

Tiny Bellwoods Brewing out of Toronto with their uber-small batches presently had an impressive line of single hop pale ales called Monogamy APA. So far, they have made 16 different one in this specialty line and I got my hands on the Monogamy Citra APA (which is cool - one of my favourite hops - please don't tell the others.) Now, basically, I have been drinking up all of Great Lake's Karma Citra IPA that was available in Burlington liquor stores during the last few weeks so I'm very Citra-centric at the moment. Obviously, the Monogamy doesn't pack the same level of punch... nor it should it. That said, it certainly stands on its own.

Homer and Abe Simpson don't bother with Moe's Tavern on
St Paddy's Day, choosing Tom O'Flanagan's Pub instead...

Obviously, some citrus and fruit on the nose with a bit of lemon rind (bitterness) on the tongue. This is a smooth pour and at 6.4% carries a little more heft for a pale ale.

While I have my doubts that I will ever find a Bellwoods product that I enjoy as much as their outstanding Witchshark IIPA, I will certainly give their Cat Lady IPA its due. At 7.2%, one of the stronger IPAs I've had, The aroma was pungent and vaguely familiar but I'll be damned if I could figure out what it was. Kinda nasty, actually. But the taste? Boom, baby, it was a little spicy and very much orange and thankfully, the smell did not carry to the flavour as this was damn tasty.

Okay, before I sign out of here, I would suggest this to the fellows. If you see a woman drinking Coors Light, ask her out immediately because she'll pretty much swallow anything. (What? I'm talking about beer. Is there another way to take that?) Next up, I spent several hours with Brewer Patrick last Thursday at Nickel Brook, learning how to make beer. I'll tell you this for free. Drinking it is a helluva lot easier than brewing it. Okay, guys and dolls, that's it, that's all and I am outta here!!! Until next time (in a couple of days), I remain...