Nickel Brook at night, a brewer's delight...

Now I'm not saying that Nickel Brook's Immodest Imperial
IPA is so good that a guy would put on fishnet stockings and
high heels (as shown here on the can) just to get some. I'm just
saying if you do show up like that, they serve you a lot quicker

Not so long ago, back in the months our calendars like to call February and March (wait, is it still March?), Nickel Brook Brewing whipped up not one, but two batches of their outstanding Immodest Imperial IPA. Why is that a big deal? Well, there's a few reasons. First, the word 'immodest' itself means lacking in decency and humility. That's pretty much me. Second, this IIPA, a favourite among the Beer Musketeers, uses "an obscene amount of Citra and Simcoe hops", making this brew one kick-ass 9.5%, 85 IBU (international bitterness units) ball-buster. But thirdly and perhaps mostly, because it's off-season. The hops and/or malts needed to make this exceptional beer shouldn't even have been available that time of year.

Knowing that the liquid gold shouldn't even be in their retail until April (when I bought it last year for the first time), I asked brewery owner John how they had managed to pull that off. According to the big guy, that despite being off-season, Brewmaster Ryan had found all the key ingredients and asked if it was okay to make some fresh batches of the golden goodness in a couple of big-ass vats. John enthusiastically waved him home like a third-base coach noticing the ball was still being bobbled at the right field wall.

When I popped by to grab some in early-February as a Birthday Treat for myself, the guy in front of me made me a little nervous about my chances for a decent Immodest Score. Why?

My main man at Nickel Brook, Tony Cox, set me
up to watch Brewer Patrick do his thing in the late
night hours of March 19. Me? In a brewery? Late at
night? I have no idea how Tony got the okay on this

Because he bought 60 cans of it. That's right - sixty 473-ml (16 ounce) cans. I was only gonna grab a few but I thought, "What if this guy keeps coming back?" so I upped it to a dozen and kept purchasing a few more each time I returned to fill my growlers. Batch #2 is pretty much gone and I would be in panic mode, except for two things. #1) Their Headstock IPA is available year-round and trust me when I say, that's more than enough to keep me happy. And #2), the magic beer board deep within the bowels of the brewery told me they were brewing another batch of Immodest on March 12, which, I would guess is their normal Spring release.

And how did I manage to see that magic beer board? Well, I'd like to say I have friends in high places but honestly, the best I can muster is friends who are sometimes high. However, I count Tony Cox among them (not the high ones) and well, Tony? This dude makes stuff happen. One day, he saw me in the retail section, awaiting my biweekly growler fill-ups. He scooted out, shook my hand as he always does and said, "You once wrote you had no idea how beer was brewed. Would you like to learn?" Whoa. When he extended that invite, I gotta tell you, I haven't been this stoked since I heard my Uncle Jennifer was going to be on The Jerry Springer Show!

Brewer Patrick stands next to barrels filled with their
Old Kentucky Bastard Imperial Stout that were filled
on June 12, 2014. That means in three months, this batch
will be ready to be bottled after a year-long aging stint

Now to be fair, I do know some of the basics from my stint at the now-defunct Beer Academy in Toronto. But, well, they used a coffee pot to show us the principles behind brewing. If I could actually make beer in my coffee pot, Maxwell House would be out of business. I'd also own 170 coffee pots. As well, when Beer Musketeer Cat and I did the tour of Amsterdam Brewery early last year, they also walked us through the process but we were trapped within a tour group of thugs and goons. Or more accurately, they were trapped in a group with two hooligans. It's all semantics, really. But no, my night at Nickel Brook would be a one-on-one tutorial, courtesy of Brewer Patrick.

Now Patrick has some serious brewer cred. As a graduate of the International Center for Brewing and Distilling program at Heriot Watt University in Edinburgh, Scotland, he was tapped by Brewmaster Ryan to come work for Nickel Brook before he had even written his dissertation. Meeting up with him at the beginning of his 12-hour night-shift (6 pm to 6 am), I discovered that on this fine evening, he would be starting a batch of my favourite Naughty Neighbour American Pale Ale, For the record, the brewery has four brewers under the watchful eye of their brewmaster and each will put in seven 12-hour shifts over the course of two weeks. It ain't pretty being a brewer.

Brewer Patrick uses his flashlight to look into
the mash tun, where the grain gets cooked to
start the brewing process. Not quite beer yet.

Patrick walked me through the main four ingredients - barley, hops, yeast, water - and basically how they go from simply ingredients to delicious final product. (Again, I'm not a brewer but my recipe? "Add more hops. Not enough... keep going... did I say stop????")

Okay, let's get the Brew Train rolling here. Patrick started with the Mash Tun (first tank) where the grain gets cooked to start the brewing process. Think: lobster pot. From there, the liquid is transferred to the Lauter Tun where it separates the solids (grain) from the liquids. Think: colander. From there, the liquid, now called wort, goes into the kettle, another huge tank. "The kettle is where you boil, add any spices, any hops, anything like that," Patrick told me. (So onto Lobster Pot #2.) But now there's more solid matter in the wort so that has to be dealt with. "Once you've done that, you send it to your whirlpool. Your whirlpool separates your solid matter from your wort." In essence, the whirlpool jets the brew into the cylinder in a circular motion around the edges, trapping solid matter on a metal blocker. "Once that's done," Patrick said, "you cool it down and send it to your fermenter (the final tank) and let it ferment out."

Well now, that sounds easy, doesn't it? Except, it's not. As he worked, I watched Patrick monitoring all the initial steps very carefully, constantly checking glass vials attached to some of the tanks and looking in from the hatch at the top with his flashlight. The reason? "It's a very simple process and it's very, very easy to screw up," he noted.

Here's the Magic Beer Board within the brewery and I would like Beer
Musketeer Glenn to pay close attention to Tank #7 which was started on
March 12. Glenn will notice that tank contains "IIPA", meaning their
Immodest Imperial IPA. In Tank #9 is the "APA" or Naughty Neighbour
American Pale Ale that started by Brewer Patrick on March 19, the night
I was there to watch the process. Pretty sure that will be a good batch...

So while he monitored the batch through the process, there was a lot of "hurry up and wait" time so basically, we just talked shop.

Finding out I worked at the Beer Store, he grimaced a little and said, "You guys are getting a lot of bad press these days." Indeed, we are and changes in how alcohol is distributed in Ontario certainly seem to be on the horizon. "We'd be happy if we could sell craft beers other than our own (in the retail section)," he noted, "Open it up a little." That is actually being considered by the government as is my long-time wish - that craft breweries be allowed to have their own collective retail outlets, separate from the LCBO and Beer Store. I'm thinking something similar to the Consumer Beverages outlets in New York state, which carry the best craft beers from across the USA. You can always buy your Miller High Lifes and Budweisers at the local 7/11 but you want the real deal? You go there.

The notion that beer and wine may soon be allowed in grocery stores (albeit a select few - just 300 across the province) was not one that appealed to brewery owner John. Why? "Just another listing fee," he shrugged. You see, brewers pay for their shelf space at both the LCBO and Beer Stores. They would also be paying for shelf space at your local Loblaws, should the store be one of the few whose bid won the right to carry alcohol. So the concern there is that while yes, it would be convenient to buy beer or wine at the same time you buy your groceries, only the big breweries can afford the listings. (Also there are probably three Beer Stores and LCBOs each between where you live and that single grocery store selling booze.)

Patrick took me into the room where the brewery is
storing barrels of soon-to-be-released sour beers.
"Hoppy IPAs are the thing now but I have a feeling
that maybe the sour beers will be the next big thing."

Patrick told me the brewery was looking to expand their product into New York state and Ohio (for starters), in much the same way that Barrie's Flying Monkey Craft Brewery has been slowly working its way across the American border. (Glenn has spotted their Smashbomb Atomic IPA numerous times in Consumer Beverages.) While New York state is a gimme product-wise, it's John's association with Dave Esper, connected with a 79-year-old beverage distribution company in Ohio, that makes the Buckeye State a prime destination.

While we were talking, retail store-minder Dale showed up with a surprise - it turns out owner John had made a huge pot of spaghetti and meatballs and Dale came bearing plates. On this evening, we would dine for free! (Turns out beer is not the only thing John is good at making.)

Naturally, our talk turned to the new Arts and Science Brewery in Hamilton - a collaborative effort between Nickel Brook and Toronto brewer Collective Arts that saw them take over the old 50,000-square-foot Lakeport Brewery building in Hamilton, expected to open some time this Summer. Which beers would be brewed there, what would be brewed in the present Drury Lane brewery in Burlington - matters of dire urgency to me since the Burlington location (which is, thankfully, staying put) is literally around the corner from Donny's Bar and Grill.

Old Kentucky Bastard Imperial Stout
that was barreled the day I visited:
March 19th. Just a few  weeks before,
the brewery received 92 oak bourbon
barrels from Heaven Hill Distilleries
in Kentucky. So this time next year,
this batch will be ready to pounce on.

Patrick noted the big name beers for both brewers (Nickel Brook presently contract-brews the Collective Arts line) will be done at the new brewery while smaller specialty and seasonal beers will be done out of Drury Lane. But the equipment for the Arts and Science Brewery came up. As well-documented, John bought all the equipment from Sleeman's (Canada's third-largest brewery) when they shut down their Maritime plant a couple of years back. What is less-known is the major coup the owner scored with the equipment. "I think what happened is that John went to them and offered them X amount of dollars for their equipment and Sleeman's said yes," said Patrick. "It wasn't until they started doing the inventory of the equipment that they fully realized how much we got. It was, well, a lot!"

Finally, I got around to something that's always puzzled me so I bounced it off Patrick. How does Headstock IPA, one of the province's best, only warrant a 93 on RateBeer? (It was at 91 for the longest time - several years - until recent scores boosted it two points. Still, this is a high-90s beer.) "I think maybe that has to do with lower early scores when perhaps we couldn't get the malts or hops we wanted - something that's common to all new breweries." Since then, he noted, the recipe's been tinkered with and we have a product today that may be a bit different from its beginnings.

The end of my night involved a tour of pretty much every room in the place (it's a lot larger than it appears from the outside) and I was thrilled to see a room filled with barrels of Old Kentucky Bastard Imperial Stout barreled that same day.

This is what you'll find at the end of the
rainbow. Ignore that pot of gold nonsense...

How much do I love that beer? Well, I once spilled some on my kitchen floor and my first thought wasn't "I should probably clean this up." No, it was, "Does the Five Second Rule apply to liquids?" I won't tell you the answer but let's just say I don't keep a straw in my shirt pocket because it looks cool. (Because it really really doesn't.)

So that's my late-night field trip to Nickel Brook summed in a tidy little package. Big props to both Tony and Patrick for making it happen and giving me a real look at the inner workings of a craft brewery in the after-hours. Hell, if there wasn't already a St Patrick, I'd put this Patrick up for the nod. (Because we all know how much weight my name carries at The Vatican.) Hey, at least, this Patrick has some serious beer cred. And Tony? Sorry, man, the name St Anthony is also taken. Guys, if you give me your middle names, I'll see what I can do.

Okay then, I'm flying off to Las Vegas tonight for a couple of reasons, the first being I'm there basically just to drink new craft beers. The fact that it's 32C (90F) the next few days also plays a role because, well, I'm pretty much done with this stupid Winter. Big heat (meaning shorts, T-shirts and well, bikinis at the hotel pool) and cold craft beers - some of the best craft beer America has to offer? Well, count me in.

The real reason I'm off to Las Vegas tonight. Well, I heard the Nugget has
some sweet new urinals! Their sign says "Come see." Whatta sales pitch, eh?

Naturally, I'm concerned my buns of steel may set off the metal detector at the airports but unless they accidentally have the dial turned to "buns of pancake batter", I'm probably good to go. I will try to behave myself, mindful of the fact that when Prince Harry last went to Vegas, photos of him playing Strip Pool with the Royal Scepter hanging out flooded the internet. Frankly, I'd be more impressed if I ever saw pictures of any of the Royal Family actually doing some manual labour. But guys and dolls, that's it, that's all and I am outta here!!! When we talk next, it will be of Sin City and its finest craft suds. Until then, I remain, as always...

The Purple Heather goes Green

For this year's St Patrick's Day festivities, I wore my only
green shirt - a Green Lantern shirt, as modeled here by
world-renowned Theoretical Physicist Sheldon Cooper...
(On a side-note, Jim Parsons turns 42 years old today!)

Rose are red
Shamrocks are green
Don't party too hard
You're not Charlie Sheen
~ Ancient Irish Proverb, celebrating St. Patrick's Day

There seems to be some debate as to where St. Patrick was born. Yes, he died in Ireland - of that, there is little doubt. But where was he born? Some claim he was of British descent but was kidnapped by Irish pirates and brought to Ireland as a slave when he was about 16 years old. According to legend, he later escaped, fleeing back to England, became a cleric and then moved... back to Ireland? Because who wouldn't want to return to the scene of the crime they deftly escaped? Doesn't sound like ol' Patrick was Patron Saint of Brains. "Geez, I wonder if the pirates are still here?" he probably wondered on the journey back to the Emerald Isle.

And of course, there's the whole "ridding Ireland of the snakes" legend attached to his name. That must have been ridiculously easy as post-glacial Ireland had no snakes. That's a little like me claiming to rid Canada of all the fire-breathing dragons. Where's my Saint Donald's Day festivities? (Just kidding - around here, every day is St Donald's Day...)

This happy couple was feeling very Emerald Isle
at The Purple Heather's St Paddy's celebrations...

But the general consensus is that he was born in Kilpatrick, Scotland, (circa 387 AD) making the Ireland's most famous saint... a Scot. I suspect if you are either purely Irish or Scottish, this distinction means a great deal to you. Being of both Irish and Scottish descent, I could care less. My Scottish side, of course, preaches moderation in all things and frugality. My Irish side hears that, laughs loudly and says, "Don't listen to that wanker!!!" So of course, I don't. Hell, if I owned a bar, I'd call it Moderation, simply so I could tell my friends, "Hey, drink in Moderation" and actually mean it for once.

So as a half-Scot, half-Irish guy, where do I celebrate the greenest festivity of the year? Well, why not The Purple Heather Gastro Pub, Burlington's best-known Scottish pub? (Quick aside: St Patrick's favourite colour was not green, but actually blue. Or as I choose to call it as a colour-blind man... green.) But going there was a chance to meet Doug Birrell, the GM/partner in the Burlington eatery. Turns out Doug and I have one degree of separation, that being our mutual decades-long friendship with my former brother-in-law Craig. Doug was ridiculously easy to spot - he was the only guy in the bar who's roughly the size of a line-backer. Perhaps even a couple of them.

Bartender Tyler serves up another green beer
from the Keith's IPA-infuser tap, whereby the
bar add fruits, veggies, whatever they want to
the glass cylinder to create a new taste. And
 they added some green dye on St Paddy's Day.
What was in the infuser? Apple, melon, kiwi
and pear. What I tasted? Bananas. No apples,
melons, kiwi or pear. I just tasted banana.

Within minutes of sitting down with him, it's abundantly clear that Doug is a hands-on owner. (Not surprising, considered his actual hands are the size of canned hams.) Taking over from the previous owner, Doug decided a shake-up was in order. While the taps were previously dominated by the big brewers, Doug went a different route. These days, one third are the big domestics (Bud, Coors Light, etc, which is smart - you have to have the top sellers), one third are the popular foreign imports (Heineken, Kronenbourg Blanc, Guinness and the like, again a smart move) while the final third are dedicated to craft brewers. That was initially a roll of the dice, he openly confessed, but one that seems to be paying off. He noted the reps for the bigger brewers tried their damnedest to convince them to increase their presence, rather than the reverse (because that's doing the job they are paid for) but he wouldn't budge. I suspect you'd have an easier time trying to knock over Stonehenge, ramming it with your head.

But while I break down their taps into thirds (domestic-foreign-craft), Doug does so differently - top-third, middle-third and bottom-third but in terms of sales. Anything in that bottom third? Well, its survival is at risk. So naturally, you may think the craft beers are the ones on the bubble. I instantly inquired about my Burlington home boys, Nickel Brook Brewery, whose punchy and personal favourite Naughty Neighbour American Pale Ale is on tap. "Well, when we started it, it was obviously in the bottom third," he admitted. "Since then, it has steadily worked its way into the top-third."

When Anheuser-Busch  bought out Chicago's hugely
popular Goose Island Beer Company a few months
back, there was panic in the craft beer world. So far,
they seem to have left them alone to just keep doing it

Among the crafties available are Creemore Urbock (ultimately owned by Molson's so some may dispute its craft cred but I say screw that, it's a damn good bock), Wellington Brewery's Special Pale Ale, Mill Street Organic Lager, Goose Island Honker Ale and the Purple Heather Honey Lager. So you have your darks, your lights and those in between (but an IPA wouldn't suck - just sayin'.). But let's look at those last two, can we? Goose Island is a hugely popular craft brewery in Chicago which just got bought out lock, stock and smoking barrel by beer giant Anheuser-Busch a few months back. Not a lot of craft beer people saw any positive in this. I can think of one. Because of the purchase, Labatt in Canada, which is associated with Anheuser-Busch, can bring Goose Island beer to the Great White North by the keg. Is it popular? The keg was tapped out and Doug was scrambling against a lot of other bars to get some replacement kegs in pronto. Sounds like another top-third to me, if Labatt can get more of it up here. And the Purple Heather Honey Lager - the bar imported heather honey from Scotland, handed it to Nickel Brook Brewery and said, "Make something great." The first sample I had two months ago was, well, a bit too sweet. It has since been tweaked into something much more balanced. Now that's a great brewery/bar collaboration.

The Trafalgar Brewery's Irish Brown Ale was actually not a
bad brown ale. On the downside, it's a brown ale so well...

Since tap space is finite, Doug told me he looking to expand their craft offerings in the bottle selection, singling out Barrie's Flying Monkey Craft Brewing as one of the obvious choices. Okay, before I get to beer reviews, one more thing about The Purple Heather. It is the only bar I know with Moosehead Brewery's low-cal, low-carb Cracked Canoe on tap. Why? It's Doug's beer. Patting his stomach, he confessed with a smile, "Gotta watch my figure." That said, while I have never had it (hell, if you've met me, you know I desperately need carbs), it is apparently one of the better low-carb beers available, meaning simply, I've heard it actually tastes like beer. Now Doug swears others drink it too and I am not gonna argue with the man because I am not looking to become a smudge on the pavement. But great place, great guy and before I left, he told me to come back on April 4th when Tres Hombres, a really good ZZ Top cover band, would be there. "They wanted to come here because they knew a band that had a great time when they played here. They said their price, I told them what I was willing to pay. They're coming anyway." There was - no joke - a $1,500 difference. See you on April 4th, Doug.

Brewed with a wee bit of maple syrup,
this Bock wasn't too bad at all. I love a
good Doppelbock and this one did work

So some let's talk St Paddy's beers and it would be impossible to ignore Trafalgar Brewing's Irish Brown Ale. Why? Because at the liquor store, there was a tag that actually said, "Try me. I'm Irish." What are you gonna do? Tags don't lie. My history with Trafalgar has been hit-and-miss... mostly miss. The Irish Ale, while not exactly an insult to Ireland, is a bit one-dimensional, quite thin but well, I can cross it off the list. Too grainy on the nose, maybe a hint of caramel on the tongue, not offensive per se but almost bordering on brown water.

Another hit-and-miss brewery with me has been Railway City out of St. Thomas, Ontario. Their Dead Elephant IPA was a big dull dud. Their Double Dead Elephant IIPA was a wee step up but for an imperial IPA? Nope, kind of sad sack. But I saw their Sham Bock and thought simply, "St Patrick would want me to." You know, while I wasn't ridding Canada of dragons. This is a nice bock, very clean. They used from local maple syrup in it but (wisely) lightly so. Licorice on the nose, coffee on the tongue, definitely the best Railway City offering so far. Not sweet at all, despite the maple syrup. At 5.8%, a little lighter than I like my dark beers.

Does Great Lakes Brewery make a bad or even mediocre
IPA or Imperial IPA? Because so far, all have been great.

Okay, time to throw a few strong contenders into the ring and, surprise, surprise (which is to say, no surprise at all), they're coming from Great Lakes Brewing and Bellwoods Brewery, both from Toronto, two of my favourite breweries. At a Rib Eye Jack's Ale House, I finally snagged a Great Lakes' Robohop Imperial IPA. Talk about being in my wheelhouse. The aroma was very citrus while the grapefruit on the tongue gave me a nice bitter slide. You would absolutely not know this was a 9.2% beer.

Tiny Bellwoods Brewing out of Toronto with their uber-small batches presently had an impressive line of single hop pale ales called Monogamy APA. So far, they have made 16 different one in this specialty line and I got my hands on the Monogamy Citra APA (which is cool - one of my favourite hops - please don't tell the others.) Now, basically, I have been drinking up all of Great Lake's Karma Citra IPA that was available in Burlington liquor stores during the last few weeks so I'm very Citra-centric at the moment. Obviously, the Monogamy doesn't pack the same level of punch... nor it should it. That said, it certainly stands on its own.

Homer and Abe Simpson don't bother with Moe's Tavern on
St Paddy's Day, choosing Tom O'Flanagan's Pub instead...

Obviously, some citrus and fruit on the nose with a bit of lemon rind (bitterness) on the tongue. This is a smooth pour and at 6.4% carries a little more heft for a pale ale.

While I have my doubts that I will ever find a Bellwoods product that I enjoy as much as their outstanding Witchshark IIPA, I will certainly give their Cat Lady IPA its due. At 7.2%, one of the stronger IPAs I've had, The aroma was pungent and vaguely familiar but I'll be damned if I could figure out what it was. Kinda nasty, actually. But the taste? Boom, baby, it was a little spicy and very much orange and thankfully, the smell did not carry to the flavour as this was damn tasty.

Okay, before I sign out of here, I would suggest this to the fellows. If you see a woman drinking Coors Light, ask her out immediately because she'll pretty much swallow anything. (What? I'm talking about beer. Is there another way to take that?) Next up, I spent several hours with Brewer Patrick last Thursday at Nickel Brook, learning how to make beer. I'll tell you this for free. Drinking it is a helluva lot easier than brewing it. Okay, guys and dolls, that's it, that's all and I am outta here!!! Until next time (in a couple of days), I remain...

When Your Liver Tweets back...

My liver (@yourliver) made it pretty clear to me on
Twitter that it could use a vacation. Oh, I'll give it a
vacation... in Las Vegas! Good luck with that, Liver!

I guess it was only a matter of time before my liver registered a formal complaint, given my Brews-Before-Chews lifestyle. (Beers-Before-Tears? Drinking-Before-Thinking? Ales-Before-Fails? I dunno - pick one.)

But a couple of weeks back, I posted a fairly innocuous Tweet that read simply: "My liver does more work in two days on the weekend than I do all week." (For all of my former teachers who asked plaintively, "Can you not be serious even for one day?", the answer, decades later, is apparently, "No. No, I cannot." as I pat them gently, leaving behind a "Can't Teach For Shit" note on their backs.) Within five minutes, I got a notification from "Your Liver" (@yourliver), which responded, "True. So true. I need a holiday." It posted the picture on the right there. Apparently, my liver (or I suppose, your liver) is a cartoon character that can 'break the third wall' and speak to me through Twitter. This is all starting to make sense to me now. The fact that my liver is a cartoon explains how it continues to function after literally decades of abuse by its owner. I mean, think about it, people. Wile E Coyote used to have Acme bombs and rockets blow up 12 inches from his face and five minutes later, he was perfectly fine, futilely chasing the Roadrunner yet again. My liver is a cartoon and as such, very indestructible. It all makes sense now.

Hellooooo, Betty! Fancy a coffee cup of French Fries?
Well, Betty was on hand, doling them out at Rib Eye
Jack Ale House's Customer Appreciation Night a couple
of weeks back. We ate, we drank, we felt appreciation!

As Who Framed Roger Rabbit taught us, Toons are pretty much impervious to harm. Suffice it to say, I am following @yourliver on Twitter and am happy to report, he or she chews out everyone. I am not alone in its witty and snarky rebukes. It's actually a pretty clever little Twitter organ...

A couple of Thursdays back, my favourite pub, Rib Eye Jack's Ale House held their Customer Appreciation Night whereby tasty snacks and tickets for a couple of free pints were happily doled out to us, the faithful congregation. (You have your church. I have mine. This is a Secular site so we never delve into weighty matters of religion but frankly, I much prefer what I get back after donating cash to the Rib Eye Jack's collection plate, so to speak. Granted, every single religion on Earth, except Buddhism, considers me a heathen so...)

While Beer Store co-workers Gordo, Marie and her fella, Ernie, all joined me, I felt hugely appreciated early on. It seems the dedicated Amsterdam Brewery (Toronto) tap had switched from their lovely-in-the-Summer Blonde Ale to their perfect-for-every-season Boneshaker IPA, certainly a favourite of mine, Beer Musketeer Cat, Marie and, of course, Rib Eye Jack's own Beer Technician Kylie.

Kylie pours a pint from the new "from the ceiling"
taps recently installed in Rib Eye Jack's, courtesy of
our friends at Flying Monkey's Craft Brewery. The
taps carry two Flying Monkeys' beers, one from the
local Nickel Brook and a fourth labelled simply
Rib Eye Jacks' Red, a red ale that is brewed in
Guelph. My guess is it's from Wellington Brewery

One of Kylie's more recent birthdays fell on the bar's Mini-Cask Thursday and her wish (which was, of course, granted) was a keg of the tasty Boneshaker.

Well, of course, we had a blast. This craft beer bar takes excellent care of its regulars and I was thrilled to see some Flying Monkeys' Craft Brewery beers on tap. About a month earlier, I had mentioned to Kylie that I had been talking to my friend Kaitlyn at Flying Monkeys and she had told me that they would dearly love to be on tap at Rib Eye Jacks. But since all taps are dedicated to specific breweries, that would be a tricky bit of business. Except that Flying Monkeys then took matters into their own hands, sending a team in to install a set of four taps, running down to the bar from the ceiling with two taps dedicated to their fine products - in this case, their outstanding Hoptical Illusion Almost Pale Ale and their Netherworld Cascadian Dark Ale. (Believe me when I say, this has nothing to do with me - I suspect this was in the works for quite some time and I just had no idea.) But I am thrilled to see the colourful Flying Monkeys' taps in my favourite haunt. Also, the promise of Hoptical Illusion on tap will help me lure my old City Hall buddy Kevin from nearby Dundas to my Burlington haunt. Win-win. It's tough to lure that dude out of the house. I mean, he built a moat around his mansion for a reason (to keep me out) but for Hoptical Illusion on tap? He can be swayed. Sometimes, you just need the right carrot on the end of the stick.

A better view of the actual taps installed by Flying Monkeys
Craft Brewery in Rib Eye Jack's Ale House which unlike
every other tap, drop down from the ceiling. It's pretty cool.

After drinking our on-tap Rib Eye Jack's Customer Appreciation freebies (lessee, a pint of Boneshaker for me... followed by another Boneshaker), we all chose to grab another pint before departing. I assured my group that I had ordered a "lady-sized" beer as my last. So when she plunked down a 32-ounce (946 ml) Nickel Brook Naughty Neighbour Pale Ale in front of me, I had to qualify, "Oh, when I said 'lady-sized', I meant this lady," pointing to Kylie. (On Thursdays, you can upsize Naughty Neighbour from 20 ounces to 32 ounces for $1. Forgive me for being a bargain-hunter.)

Okay, as always, lots of fun and games here in Burlington but the clock on the wall (which recently went forward an hour in Canada) tells me it's Beer O'Clock here (or it was an hour ago... or an hour from now - I really don't know how that works) at Brew Ha Ha so let's talk brews!

Trafalgar Brewery in Oakville - a brewery that I will frankly tell you has not been among my favourites - worked its way back onto my radar when I purchased one of their Chocolate Orange Porters. It was an after-thought at the liquor store and was very much what I like to call a "WTF Decision." For the record, I believe that Trafalgar is now called Trafalgar Artisan Distillery because they have branched out into liquor. Which is cool - I may snag some vodka or something from them some day but that's more for visitors to Donny's Bar and Grill than me. I'm a total Beer Geek. But this Chocolate Orange Porter tasted a lot like those chocolate oranges you get at Christmas and have to bang on the table- something I pointed out to their big lumberjack-looking bearded guy, Mike, at the counter when I visited the brewery, literally around the corner from my Beer Store.

Okay, this may be one of the better European Red Ales
I have tried. At 7.9%, this has some serious kick to it...

"That's what we were going for," he laughed. It was a little bit thin for a porter but honestly, orange and chocolate on the nose, orange and chocolate on the tongue - as advertised. I have bought three more since. I quite like it. I love it when brewers have fun with porters and stouts and hey, this was fun.

Now as it turns out, Trafalgar Brewing (or Artisan Distillery) also make the mass produced beers for Black Creek Historical Brewery. The reason is simply this, as explained by Lumberjack Mike. "Though they do produce beers at the historical site, they use the 1850s way of making beer. That means they can't make much more than what they can sell on site. We used the 2015 method of making beer so we provide all their beers that are sold at the LCBO." That will be coming up soon - some are really good and some less so - but that's the case with all small craft breweries. I actually have two separate four-packs of their 500-ml beers here where I liked about half and was "meh" or worse on the other half. Life, well, beer life, is all about exploring.

That is totally a rainbow butt monkey on
the Collective Arts' State of Mind session
IPA. Well, the one I got at Rib Eyes anyway

Okay, I had one of the better red ales ever when I visited Gordo's new Beer Store (we traded him for a Loser To Be Named Later - he's my bro so I'm allowed to diss him) and stumbled upon the Bavaria 8.6 Red. It gets bent over the car hood without lube on RateBeer (seriously, it got an 8) but really, I quite enjoyed it. Now, granted, I am a huge red ale fan so my tastes are very different from the average beer connoisseur but the thing is all our tastes are different. I thought this was great. Caramel on the nose, apple on the tongue, I thought it was damn solid. I just happen to be alone in that position. I can live with that. I'm used to being the only one who's right. Or wrong. It doesn't matter in the end. You like what you like, you taste what you taste. I will absolutely buy this again. Sorry, RateBeer... once again, we disagree.

Okay, had a Collective Arts' State of Mind session IPA (4.4%) at Rib Eye Jack's recently and it, too, was solid. Not crazy outstanding (this honour belongs to Great Lakes' Citraddiction Session IPA) but damn good. Orange and grapefruit on the nose, grapefruit on the tongue, this is a really good beer. And everyone in the world, except me, needs a good session IPA. I don't. Highlanders, such as myself, pretty much demand the real deal. But it uses Amarillo and Centennial hops so mango fruit on the nose, pine on the tongue. Again, a solid offering.

At the end of March, this is where you can find me. Or not.

But I have a few bad ones coming up. Yikes, here's the thing. Just because it's craft doesn't mean it's awesome. But this Tuesday, I will be heading to the Purple Heather, Burlington's best Irish bar, for St Paddy's Day. And then on Thursday in the late night, I am heading to Nickel Brook Brewing where Brewer Patrick is going to teach me how beer is brewed... until the wee hours of the morning.

But at the end of March, I am headed to Las Vegas. Not to gamble. Not to see Celine Dion. No, I am heading there for a three-day vacation to drink some new craft beers. Beer Musketeer Stevil St Evil has Googled me all the craft beer highlights on the strip. I have been there five times before (always with girlfriends) but this time, I'm flying Hans Solo. No one else to worry about. Just me and craft beer. Googled every cheap flight and accommodation site I could stumble upon until I found a couple that brought it to about $500 and change, all in. So many American craft beers to drink. And, well, I kinda can't wait!!! I love Vegas. Okay, guys and dolls, that's it, that all and I am outta here!!! Until next time, I remain, as always...

Spocking $5 bills and StoneHammer shifts

Live long and deface $5 bills... Tis the way Canadians prosper.

I suspect most of you out there have heard of vulcanized rubber, a process whereby rubber is made more durable with the addition of sulphur. That form of rubber is used in car tires, shoes, hoses, conveyor belts... pretty much everything rubber-related.

Well, up here in Canada, we aren't content to use the process just for rubber. No, we like to Vulcanize our $5 bills, as well. Given the late Leonard Nimoy's strong resemblance to our seventh Prime Minister, Sir Wilfrid Laurier, it seems that Spocking our $5 bill has become a national past-time.

Phil and Lesley Woodhouse have long dreamed of
owning a brewery. So, if there is such a thing as
Canadian Dream music, cue it up now, because they
went out and bought one. So it is that Guelph's F&M
StoneHammer microbrewery now is their baby...

(If the words Vulcan and Spock mean nothing to you, skip down a bit - beer talk is coming. But we can never be friends. Don't fret - I have friends who would gladly trade places with you.)

With Nimoy's passing last week, it seems all but a certainty that Spocking $5 bills, a sporadic event in the past, is guaranteed to hit new heights now. I've taken in about 10 in at my Beer Store cash register in the past week. (I smile every time. The best ones are "Evil Mirror Spock" with a goatee.) But how does the regal Bank of Canada view such shenanigans? Well, they issued a pretty strong rebuke on the practice of Spocking bills this week. While Bank spokesperson Josianne Menard had to confess that the practice was not illegal, she came down hard on the wannabe Trekkie artists, noting that Spocking the $5 bill was... (please stay seated because this is harsh)... if you're ready, ahem... she said it was "irresponsible." Now if you're not Canadian, you're probably thinking, "Irresponsible? That's it?" But up here in the Great White North, it's the equivalent of your Mom saying, "I'm not upset. I'm just disappointed..." Colour us devastated. Four... three... two... one, over it! Now pass me that fiver...

Brewmaster George Eagleson will be staying on at
StoneHammer after the ownership change. It sounds
like all the former F&M employees will stay put...

Okay, before we get to beer, it's important to note that Nimoy, while much beloved by Canadians, was actually American (born in Boston - or using their accents, Bah-stun). That said, two of his famous cast-mates James T Kirk (William Shatner - Montreal) and Scotty (James Doohan - Vancouver) were Canucks so we have a serious heritage stake in Star Trek. Even Pavel Chekov, the Russian navigator played by Walter Koenig, was born in Chicago, which is pretty damn far from Moscow. That said, his immigrant Russian Jewish parents give him some decent Eastern Bloc Cred, allowing him to utter such infamous lines as "Kepten, Kepten... the Womulan Wessel... it wanished!"

As for Mr Sulu, George Takei himself, well, he predicted his own future in that classic 1969 episode entitled: Don Is Totally Making This Up.
Sulu: "Captain, my sensors are indicating my unprecedented mastery at something called social media 40 years from now."
Spock: "I can't believe my ears."
Kirk: "Spock, I can't... believe your... ears either!"
(That bit of banter right there would have totally won me a Writing Emmy.) So a heartfelt Godspeed to Mr Nimoy. His original "five-year mission" left an indelible mark on so very many of us.

When my co-worker Marie and her beau
Ernie stopped in to a St.Jacob's pub called
the Shady Tree last Summer, they came
across this kindly bartender and his taps
which exclusively poured the local beers,
StoneHammer Light, Pilsner and Dark Ale

Speaking of living long and more importantly, prospering, a couple of weeks back, I stumbled upon an excellent article on the Mom and Hops website, which chronicles news about craft brewers across Ontario (and more.) Turns out Frank Cerniuk, owner of Guelph's F&M Brewery, known for its StoneHammer line, was looking to retire from the craft brewery game and was putting the feelers for potential buyers. Phil and Lesley Woodhouse, with their backgrounds in the pharmaceutical industry and small business book-keeping respectively, jumped on the opportunity and purchased the 20-year-old brewery lock, stock and (quite literally) barrel, keeping on all of F&M Brewery's employees, including Brewmaster George Eagleson. The only thing the couple let go of was the F&M name, opting to simply call it StoneHammer Brewery - something most of us already did, to be honest. Flashback to the 2014 Winter Craft Beer Festival at the Steam Whistle Roundhouse: while my shivering friends lined up at the Thornbury Cider booth for some warm cider, I decided that if I ever opted for warm cider over cold craft beer, even in the dead of Winter, I'd simply go lick the cat's litter box, instead. Thus it was I found myself at the adjacent F&M StoneHammer booth, happily quaffing their outstanding Coffee Oatmeal Stout - repeatedly as my friends were in quite a line-up while I was leaning solo at the F&M booth. Chatting to the worker, I asked what F&M actually stood for because, well, we all called it StoneHammer. Turns out that was owner Frank and his wife... okay, here's where my memory gets sketchy - it was either Mary and Miriam. I tried Googling her name to no avail. ("I'm not upset, Google... just disappointed...")

I finally got my hot little hands on some Great Lakes
Brewery Karma Citra IPA, the silver medalist at last
year's Canadian Brewing Awards. The pair here are
bookending Sawdust City's excellent Lone Pine IPA...

Suffice it to say, we are all rooting for Phil and Lesley in this new endeavour and I personally will do my part by drinking all the StoneHammer Coffee Oatmeal Stout I come across. When Spring has sprung, time for a road trip to nearby Guelph - I would love to ask Phil and Lesley the in-and-outs of owning a craft brewery. Their perspective as craft newcomers to the scene would, no doubt, be enlightening and entertaining. I would also ask them for a big-ass mug and directions to the stout vat. If I can win an Emmy, I can do Craft Brewery Product Control.

Okay, due to Daylight Saving's Time, none of the clocks at Donny's Bar and Grill are in sync but I'm sensing it must be Beer O'Clock here. The beer to my immediate right would indicate that, as well. Earlier in the week, I product-searched Great Lake Brewery's Karma Citra IPA and it showed up in all six of Burlington's liquor stores. Excited, I told Beer Musketeer Glenn to check his local liquor stores, as well. He reported back that while I had hit a king-ace 21 at the Black Jack table, no luck for him at Durham's liquor stores. However, he happily noted his favourite Oshawa pub, Buster Rhino's BBQ House (opening a new location soon at College and Ossington in Toronto) had it on tap all that week. Well, until Glenn drank it all.

I cannot believe the attention this tasty little
lager gets on Twitter. Someone at Triple
Bogey Brewing knows the social media game

Normally, I would only buy one bottle of a new beer to see if I enjoyed it first. In this case, since Karma Citra won the silver medal for IPAs at last Spring's Canadian Brewing Awards, I rolled the dice and bought two. So how was it? Well, I have bought eight more in the three days since and my local liquor stores show no sign of running out anytime soon. With its over-powering use of the Citra hop, it's (duh) citrus on the nose, delicious citrus bitterness on the tongue. Totally deserving of its heavy medal status.

As a regular user of Twitter, over 90% of the people/groups I follow are craft brewers world-wide. (The other 10% is consigned to comedians - yo, Bill Murray - and pretty ladies because, well, I try to live a balanced life.) To that end, I have never seen a single beer get Tweeted and Re-Tweeted as much as Triple Bogey Premium Lager. Someone at their east end Toronto HQ watches Twitter like a hawk, pouncing on every mention, which as Mr Sulu would tell you is the wave of the future.. okay, present. While it, of course, takes a pounding on RateBeer (21) as many lagers do, I quite liked it and would put it up there with Sleeman's refreshing Silver Creek Lager. With a lager like this, what the brewer is trying to do is lure drinkers away from the mainstream stuff by offering a lager with a little more punch, much like the European lagers do. Triple Bogey succeeds in doing precisely that.

I have had the Collingwood Brewery Downhill Pale
Ale, centre, but remain eagerly in search of their
Fireside Extra Special Bitter, left, a favoured style...

Grainy and malty on the nose, there is a light apple on the tongue that puts it above the mainstream fare. But as I said, their dominance of Twitter is absolutely staggering. I doff my cap. For the record, triple bogey golf is shooting three above par on every hole. Also for the record, I play triple-bogey golf. You've probably noticed I don't really brag about that and have been asked by many a legitimate golf course if mini-putt might not be better suited to my talents. True enough - the windmill hole? I kill at that. The clown-related holes? They scare me and I actively avoid those.

Tiny Collingwood Brewing is another newcomer but like many noobs, they (like Triple Bogey) are slowly gaining notoriety. (I swear this will be remembered as the Golden Age of Ontario Craft Brewing.) They have a small handful of beers out but the most easily procured is their Downhill Pale Ale. Sadly for them (but happily for me) in Ontario, I also believe this is also the Golden Age of Pale Ales and well, the Downhill, while good, is up against outstanding competition. I did like it but against either GLB's Canuck Pale Ale or Nickel Brook's Naughty Neighbour? Well, it falls a little short. Getting a little citrus off this but frankly, far too little. Truth to tell, it's up against giants.

I'll meet you at the corner of Live Long Street and Prosper
Avenue. I'll be the one with funky eyebrows and pointed ears

I wanted to review Georgian Bay Blonde Ale but just realized they're contract-brewed out of Hockley Valley Brewing - I have three of Hockley's beers in the fridge so I'll knock them all off in one fell swoop next time... time after... whenever.

But I want you to consider this. If you are ever called one-in-a-million by anyone, there are actually 7.125 billion people on Earth. That means there are 7,124 people just like you. You must hunt them all down... and eliminate them. There Can Only Be One! Not suggesting Highlander stuff here... just disgrace and humiliate them.

Okay, co-workers Gordo, Marie, her hubby, Ernie and myself attended Rib Eye Jack Ale House's Customer Appreciation Night in Burlington on Thursday. How was it? We felt appreciated. And drank a few brews. Leonard Nimoy, you are missed and we loved you as an emotionless half-Vulcan, half-human. And as a guest on The Big Bang Theory? Like me at mini-golf, you killed that. But guys and dolls, that's it, that's all and I am outta here!!! Until next time, I remain...