Who is Frank Ney and why is he on a beer bottle?

Who was Frank Ney... and
why is he on this beer bottle?

I have often said that if I ever go missing, don't put my picture on milk cartons. People who drink milk are never gonna recognize me. No, put it on beer bottles because that would make more sense. A beer drinker stands a better chance of looking at the pic and say, "Holy crap, is that Donny?" Granted with a couple of my friends, if they saw my pic on their beer, it's equally likely for them to look around and wonder where the hell they were, as well. Another advantage of this approach is that if the beer drinkers find me, there's a pretty good chance we'll be stopping for a few wobblies on the way back to wherever I'm lost from... (Let's rule out "church" right from the start...) And depending on who finds me, I might choose to remain lost... for a few more days.

But people's pictures tend not to land on beer bottles, especially their labels... or do they? In the Facebook 4-way private message between the Beer Musketeers, Stevil St Evil shared a link the other day which was, in essence, a tribute to the Canadian stubby beer bottle of yester-year. (I'll throw the link up at the end with several others.) Frankly, to me, it was fascinating - like an abridged picture-book edition of a significant era in Canadian Beer History.

Instantly, Stevil and I started plucking pictures from the link (Cat is at Music Camp and Glenn is planning a move so basically it was the two of us pouring through it) and posting them with little cheeky comments from the Monkey Gallery. Under the picture above left of Frank Ney's Beer, Stevil noted: "Hmmmm, who is this guy? Because he is both smooth and mellow!" Well, that certainly piqued my curiousity. Who was Frank Ney and how the hell did his smiling mug land on a beer label. Because that's certainly something on both my and Stevil's Bucket List!

By the ocean front in Nanaimo, BC, a statue of
Frank Ney, complete in his pirate outfit! Aaaarrr!

Well, as irony would have it, Stevil is the only one of the four of us who has spend any significant time in the geographic vicinity of Frank Ney's turf. As it turns out, Frank was the Mayor of Nanaimo, B.C. from 1968-1984 and again from 1987-90 and geezuz, was this dude colourful and a crap-pile o' fun. Turn out Frank, a.k.a. Black Frank, was a very eccentric but hugely popular politician in his town, often dressing up as a pirate for public events, as well as, on occasion, a pearly king or Mississippi Riverboat gambler. Although really, why veer from being a pirate.... aaaarrr. (Ladies, little-known fact about men. We are physically incapable of saying the word 'pirate' without adding 'aaaarrr'. It's hardwired into our DNA.) He was completely responsible for creating the town's continuing tradition of bath-tub races, responding by written letter to pretty much anyone who corresponded to him but get this - he was also one of the town's premier developers prior to his run as Mayor! In 1960, he bought and developed nearby Protection Island (previously named Douglas Island), parceled it into lots and then had his office staff dress as pirates while organizing Treasure Hunts for Silver Dollars to lure lot buyers. The crazy-ass stunt worked - 300 lots were purchased on the first weekend with the balance sold soon after.

Joseph, Mary and the Little
Baby Jeebus: how on earth
did Carling-O'Keefe get away
with this? Look familiar???

Somehow, Frank shook off that rep (though land developers are not dissimilar to pirates), won office and since his passing in 1992, I'm gonna guess he still remains the town's most cherished politicians in memory. The above swashbuckling statue certainly attests to that. "I'd seen that statue when I passed through Nanaimo," admits Stevil, "but had no idea who it was." When Frank was running the Nanaimo show, all three major Canadian players - Molson's, Labatt and Carling-O'Keefe - all had breweries in every major Canadian city and it was the Carling-O'Keefe's Vancouver brewery used to crank out the Frank Ney's Beer. Indeed, those were the days when a Canadian politician could be crazy, a little off-centre and we liked it.

Okay, up next is the curious care of Carling-O'Keefe's Standard Lager. They always say, "Imitation is the greatest form of flattery." Okay, gang at Cheers, you know doesn't say that? Copyright infringement lawyers. Does that label (circa 1982) to the left look a bit familiar? Maybe kinda, sorta look a little exactly like Budweiser? The folks at American giant Anheuser-Busch certainly thought so. Did it go to court? Ah yeah, many times. Turns out the Standard Lager label was registered way back in 1929 by Carling although Budweiser's label also existed then. The Standard Lager label wasn't exactly as you see it here but mostly similar - though I could only find a black-and-white version from 1929 and colouring is relevant, too. I read through an article about it and don't know if the battle is over but I'll tell you this for free. I have never seen this label on a beer so let's assume Anheuser-Busch won this little squirmism.

From Drummond Brewery in
Alberta - "Beer". That's it, just...
Beer. Not even like Bob's Beer.
Or Frank's Beer. Just... Beer

One that had two of us laughing out loud was Columbia Brewing's Mountain Brew Man-Style Beer. What the hell is "Man Style" beer? Drink one, you grow a full beard? Drink six and you qualify for a MMA cage match? Drink 12 and you don't need a saw or an ax to cut down an 90-year-old Oak tree. Drink a whole case and Hugh Hefner hands over the keys to the Playboy Mansion? Even just looking at the label instantly gave me six-pack abs. Granted, they're under a considerable layer of protective fat but dammit, I can feel them! Rock. Hard.

And then from Drummond Brewery in Alberta, there's "Beer". That's it - Beer. (Also from Drummond? Light Beer!) "This is what happens when the marketing guys get drunk at lunch and run out of ideas," snickered Stevil.

Anyway, it is remarkable little of Canadiana looking at these old labels. Take a look for yourself here at: Cool Old Stubby Labels

Okay, next up according to Paste Magazine is the 100 American Craft Beers That Every Beer-Lover Should Try. Being up here in Canada, I've only had four - Brooklyn Brewery Lager (98), Samuel Adams Lager (93), Dogfish Head 90 Minute IPA (91) and Anchor Steam Beer (78). But basically this just became my American Craft Beer Bucket List, especially The Alchemist Heady Topper (3) and Russian River's Pliny The Elder (2), beers I have heard raves about by the online craft community. But all of them really. What I liked about this list - it wasn't snobby. They were careful to incorporate every beer style from lagers through stouts, including a *ugh* pumpkin ale.

Here we have a typical Canadian protest. The second sign is revealing in
that it's usually the  reason why we always forget what were protesting...

May pass on that - no, wait, it's on the list so I have to... *sigh* Regardless, here's the list right here: The 100 Top American Craft Beers Use the list wisely. It's not a play-toy. And props to the Paste gang for looking across the beer spectrum!

Next up, we look at last Saturday's winners at the 2014 Canadian Brewing Awards, held out in New Brunswick at the Fredericton Convention Centre. Ontario and BC totally dominated so we'll look at the big winners - Great Lakes Brewery out of Toronto did huge! - and go over some of the best of the best. My Canadian Craft Beer Bucket List always has more than a fair few crossed off... then there's hundreds more. If you want a sneak peak, here's a list of the winners right here: 2014 Winners At The CBAs

Okay, guys and dolls, as I said, next up in a few days is the results of the Canadian Brewing Awards, plus a handful of others. But for now, that's it, that's all and I am outta here!!! Until next time, I remain...