Discovery Pack Challenge... accepted!!!!

According to one of our customers, you will need 12
of these to open one 12-pack of Steam Whistle Pilsner

HAPPY BREW YEAR!!!!

Welcome back, my friends, to the show that never ends. The first day of 2014 saw me post a lazy-ass, year-end Best Of... blog, which was followed by me watching my beloved Toronto Maple Leafs beat the Detroit Red Wings in the outdoor Winter Classic in Ann Arbor, Michigan. And then the day ended in spectacular manner when I dumped a Flying Monkey's Smashbomb Atomic IPA on the keyboard of my laptop, frying the machine.

I got a new laptop within two days... but that Smashbomb Atomic IPA??? That can never be replaced. (A moment of silence, please...)

Okay, long enough... I can get more. I trust we all feasted through the holiday season, washing down copious amounts of holiday food with seasonally-appropriate stouts and porters. And IPAs. And pale ales. And lagers and pilsners. And delicious red ales. And I hope you all made sensible New Years Resolutions. Mine was: Try many, many, many, MANY new beers. I may have gone one "many" too far but... nah... I think we all know I'm good for it. The sacrifices I make for blog research. (Note from Don's Liver: I lead a horrible existence and I hate you all...) Shut up, Liver!!! Can't you see I'm trying to save the world one beer at a time????

Discovery Pack Challenge.... ACCEPTED!!!

Okay, before I jump into matters of beer, first a Holiday Story from the Beer Store. Obviously, we see A LOT more customers over the holidays, some we're not familiar with. That was the case with Crazy Bottle Opener Man (or CBOM, as we shall refer to him.) I got flagged over to help a customer by a young co-worker, Cam. The minute I stepped over, Cam took off from the grouchy old dude like a scared rabbit. That should have been Hint #1. So it went something like this...
CBOM: Why doesn't Steam Whistle come in twist-off cap bottles?
Me: Well, like many craft brewers, they believe you get a better seal with bottle opener caps. However, we do have it in cans, as well.
CBOM: Beer in a can? It's (expletive) garbage. I may as well drink sheet metal. (Actually, I'd pay to watch this crotchety old dude do that...)

Little known fact about Steam Whistle bottles:
they are made of thicker glass than the industry
standard bottle and are reusable up to 20 times
as opposed to 12-13 for the industry standard.

Me: Well, we have bottle openers up front. They're pretty nice and fairly inexpensive.
CBOM: (Sarcastically) Well, that's just great! Are you going to give me 12 of them for the price of one?
Me: (Puzzled) I got a free opener in a 12-pack of Steam Whistle that I've been using for the last four years, sir. Why would you need 12 bottle openers for one 12-pack?
(Buckle up, gentle reader... it's about to get weird...)
CBOM: (Angrily) Well, geezuz, son, you know what it's like!! You open your beer... and then a friend opens his and the opener just disappears. And there's still 10 beers to open. And you can't! Now you need an opener for every bottle!!!
Me: (Long pause) Ever thought of getting new friends who don't steal your openers at a rate of one-per-bottle?
After that, I walked him through the entire cooler looking for an alternative. It went something like this...
CBOM: (pointing) Does that beer have a twist-off cap?
Me: Yes, sir, it does!
CBOM: Yeah, I don't like that beer.
In the end, when CBOM was starting to feel like the world's worst date, I went into the back room, found a spare opener in the junk drawer, handed it to him with  a 12-pack of Steam Whistle and said with a smile: "Just chain it to a belt loop. If one of your buddies manages to steal that one, you may notice you have no pants..." Steam Whistle, this loon is all yours. I'm sending him directly to the brewery from now on... Get ready with free openers. When I went to the back, Cam asked incredulously, "Did that old guy also tell you he needs 12 openers for a 12-pack?" Yup, he sure did...

Can I come up with an Ontario Craft Brewers'
Brewmaster Choice Discovery Pack that is as
outstanding as theirs was? No but I can at least try!

Okay, first challenge of 2014. Even though he now lives in New Zealand, my old college buddy, Stevil St Evil, pays close attention to the Ontario craft brewery industry. VERY close attention. Why? He left the Province in 1985 or so when micro-breweries were just starting here. When he went out to British Columbia, there were a handful of small breweries out there and he started to experiment with other brewers - Granville Island, Parallel 49 and many more. When he left B.C. for New Zealand 13 years ago, craft brewers were just beginning there. In the past few years, that scene has exploded... his adopted country is awash with craft beer. Ontario's craft beer situation is nothing to sneeze at, though... so I was ready for his challenge. A few blogs ago, I reviewed the Ontario Craft Brewers' Brewmaster's Choice Discovery Pack - six outstanding beers from six different Ontario craft brewers - an outstanding collaborative effort.

Brewed by students, made for true IPA
lovers everywhere. But mostly for me.

Stevil's First Challenge: Create another Discovery Pack with six new brewers. Okey-dokey, then. (If I ever say "okey-dokey" twice in one conversation, it's code that means I've been kidnapped and please call the police.) Well, the OCB Discovery Pack had not one but two IPAs so you gotta be crazy if you think I'm not duplicating that. Let's start with the obvious one: Flying Monkey's Smashbomb Atomic IPA... the very beer that "smashbombed" my last laptop and a long-time favourite at Donny's Bar and Grill. Far too hoppy for most of my visiting friends and hey, that works well for me. There's always session beers in the bottom of the fridge for visitors. Had to think long and hard before deciding on IPA #2 but in the end, I went with Sawdust City Brewing's Lone Pine IPA. With its notable citrus and pine aroma, this 6.5% brew washes down with a nice light bite of grapefruit. Brewed at Niagara College's Teaching Brewery, rather than Sawdust City's recently-opened Bracebridge facility, this IPA is actually made by students studying to become brewmasters. Man, they all get A+ where this beer is concerned. Used to hate keeners in high school but at Brewmaster College? You go, beer geeks! Next up representing pale ales is Great Lake Brewing's Crazy Canuck Pale Ale, a zesty, hop-driven offering. At 5.2%, this is damn close to the "Session Beer Zone", right on the 5% cusp and frankly, close enough that you could - and would - drink it all night.

Is it a lager? Is it an ale? It's both... and damn good

Two old favourites for the lighter side of the Donny Discovery Pack - Mill Street Tankhouse Ale and the above-mentioned Steam Whistle Pilsner - the former using Cascade hops to give it some spicy bounce to its fruit flavours, the latter one of Canadian premier Czech-style pilsners. But I need a big closer here so I'm going with Beau's All Natural Brewing's Lug Tread Lagered Ale which is top-fermented like an ale but then cold-filtered like a lager. The result? A wickedly good combination of two distinct beer styles that shouldn't work together... and yet they do! Not hoppy in the least, more malt-driven and in a blind taste-test, you'd probably guess you were drinking a lager. It was the first beer I tried at the Steam Whistle Roundhouse Summer Craft Beer Festival and it was a great starter. For the adventurous beer drinker, in two weekends, there's also a Winter Craft Beer Festival at the same locale that my coworkers and I will be crashing and in our case, that's a literal term. Wanna go? Check it out here at: Winter Craft Beer Festival Even more breweries there than there were in the summer and since it's outdoors, two firepits!!! This is gonna be a blast...

... And your bones will shake when you try this bad boy

But Stevil St Evil wasn't done with me yet challenge-wise. Stevil's Second Challenge: Same six breweries as the last Discovery Pack but six different beers. Okey... ah, allllllrighty then. A little trickier but I'm always game. After all, from all the advice I ever received, the best was "There really is no bad time for a beer." (Thanks, Grandma.) Okay, after each brewer I will put in brackets their beer in the last Discovery Park. First up is easy: Nickel Brook Brewing (Bolshevik Bastard Imperial Stout) is a easy pick, their Naughty Neighbour American Pale Ale, a 5%, lightly-hopped citrus-and-pine treat as smooth at a high roller as a Vegas craps table.

More amber than red, the Spark House Red Ale is a heavily
carbonated great example of a top-shelf American pale ale

Lessee, I think Lake of Bays Brewery (10-Point IPA) must know of my love for red ales because their Spark House Red Ale is a great example of an American red ale, despite a more amber colour. While it kinda got panned on RateBeer, I dispute the low score drinkers gave it. Its aroma is light caramel and nuts, its taste is lightly chocolate and I'm a big fan of its high carbonation. This next one is also a slam-dunk - Amsterdam Brewery (Natural Blonde Lager) will have to put up its outstanding Boneshaker IPA, a 65 IBU (international bitterness units) and 7.1% treat that's among Ontario's best. With its caramel and pink grapefruit aroma and light fruit accents in the taste, I think my friend, Cat, who lives around the corner from the brewery would agree that this would be a lovely birthday treat for her. Today. Because it's her birthday! Hey, Cat, go buy six for me. (No, seriously... don't pull that birthday jazz on me. I want them! In some cultures, the birthday people buy the gifts. Let's make our culture THAT culture!)

This 8% coffee, chocolate and dark fruit stout
is a shock-and-awe bomb of deliciousness.

The pick for Wellington Brewery (County Dark Ale) would have to go to their top-notch Imperial Russian Stout, an 8% bomb of coffee aroma with a full-bodied, lightly carbonated chocolate and dark fruit taste. For my money, this is their best beer. The same with Cameron's Brewery (Auburn Ale) and their top-notch Rye Pale Ale, which as the name would indicate is a specialty grain version of an IPA and an outstanding variation to boot. It should have gone in my Best Of... year-end blog because this highly-hopped 6.5% shock rocket with its rye aroma and strong grapefruit taste is one of my all-time favourites. And I couldn't include it in my year-ender because it's the only rye pale ale I've ever tried. A bit unfair. And finally, I thought of cheating when it came to Muskoka Brewery (Twice As Mad Tom IPA - a twice dry-hopped Imperial IPA) and just using their Mad Tom IPA. But again, that would be cheating. I finally had a chance to try their Summer Weiss just before it got yanked from the shelves (it's a summer seasonal) and it was impressive enough to be my choice for this. The usual hints of orange and spice (coriander?) that you expect from a wheat beer - made for a patio! That said, I think this may have replaced the brewery's equally strong Hefe Weissbier. I'll investigate further. It's the least I can do. And it could possibly involve drinking more beer so I win... and society itself wins. How society benefits is a closely-guarded secret. I'd tell you but... *slice across the throat motion*....

♫ Happy birthday to Cat, happy birthday to Cat...
go buy me some Boneshaker, happy birthday to Cat... ♫

Okay, next up... lessee, lessee... well, we have the Lake Of  Bays Mocha Porter, the Flying Monkeys The Chocolate Manifesto Chocolate Milk Stout (gonna go out on a limb and bet it's chocolate-y) and... oh hey... here's a special treat from our friends in Cooperstown, New York... Brewery Ommegang's Game of Thrones' Take The Night Stout, as well as their Hennipen Farmhouse Saison. Plus more IPAs than you can shake a big old gnarly stick at - a few really good ones, an okay one and a disappointing one. What Muskoka Brewery beer that's soon to be released has me pumped?? Why the Steam Whistle brewmaster decided to have a Czech-style pilsner as their sole product... and much more coming up in a few days because I've been slacking so far in 2014. 

Always remember that the oldest written recipe ever discovered was for beer. Even when people couldn't read or write, they knew it was somehow important to mark this recipe down somehow. Probably in animal blood or something equally gross. And finally, there's an American comedian who had created a country singer character called Scuzz Twittly who in this video sings the praises of Pabst Blue Ribbon. Definitely NSFW or if young ears are around. It made me chuckle... but I'm very juvenile. Watch it here at: Scuzz Twittly Loves His PBR if you dare... Okay, folks, that's it, that's all and I am outta here... until next time, I remain...

That Was The Beer (Half) Year That Was...

The place that changed the way I would approach
beer: Six Pints Specialty Beer Company's Beer
Academy in Toronto. So basically, blame them...

During my 25-plus years in Journalism, I used to pull this same lame stunt every year. You don't really feel like writing between Christmas and New Years because, well, it's Canada... it's Winter... you'd rather drink... you're lazy... seriously, pick your poison. So what did I do? I loaded up that last newspaper of the year with a healthy handful of "Best Of..." stories for the year.

I remember one Toronto community newspaper editor I had - a genuinely decent guy but so far left-of-centre, he made Karl Marx look like Attila The Hun - looking down his nose at my page-filling year-end lists and haughtily wondering aloud, "How does this serve our readership?" I did what any smart journalist would do... I agreed with him, said he made an excellent point... and continued to do whatever the hell I wanted to. You get what you pay for and believe me, I wasn't getting paid all that much. Eventually, he, too, relented and started his own Year-End Lists, one of which I recall should have been entitled: "Why Everyone Who Disagrees With Me Is Wrong!!!!" (In all honesty, I feel the same way when someone says they don't like IPAs...) He was a quirky little dude. Still, liked him, though. I think his heart was in the right place even though I often wished he would drink a big frosty mug of "Lighten The Hell Up"...

And they shall create me a Steam Whistle throne!!!

Anyways, back to the point. Back in April, the crew at my Beer Store was shipped off to the Beer Academy as part of a chain-wide effort to spruce up our image and beer knowledge. One day at the Beer Academy and I was sold. This blog started at the end of June so that I could basically teach myself about new and different beers and, in turn, pass that along to our customers. Hey, I know EXACTLY what you're thinking - where the hell is this guy's Nobel Peace Prize??? I appreciate your warm thoughts but you know, extensive beer research is a reward unto itself. (But thank you all the same...)

So with a half-year under my belt (literally... gone up a belt notch or two), here's some of the finer moments of My Beer (Half) Year. No seasonals are included. This stuff has to be available year-round! Also not included... anything I've had and enjoyed but have not written about yet. I can't have anyone wondering why Hogtown Brewery's My Dog Has Big Balls IPA wins the Brew Ha Ha IPA title when I've never mentioned it. But trust me, whole new bunch of Canadian winners next year... some that I've had this year! Also no ties. Winner-take-all.

Most people would think a gun is the most
dangerous thing that you can put in my hands.
I disagree. It's this ticket. Or a flame-thrower

Best Canadian Pilsner: Of the dozens of really great ones I've had, two instantly come to mind as the tops and the first is King Brewery's Pilsner which is, without a doubt, one of the most outstanding pilsners out there. But in the end, I'm sliding this to Steam Whistle Pilsner. Both are equally excellent in their own way but King's is based on a German Pilsner while Steam Whistle is based on a Czech Pilsner. I haven't even written a Czech beer blog yet but guess what category I'm looking the most forward to in 2014? They're both winners... but 10 points to Gryffindor! Oops, I mean Steam Whistle! King Brewery... sit tight... your love is coming.

Mill Street Oktoberfest "D'oh" Moment - Part 1: When I and my co-workers, Saga and Andrew "Scotty" Scott attended the Mill Street Brewery's Oktoberfest, the first gaffe belonged to me. Upon entering, the first craft brewery booth I saw was Flying Monkey's Craft Brewery, who were doling out their excellent Red-On-Red Ale. Like a crazed 12-year-old Justin Bieber fan, I excitedly said: "Flying Monkeys is my favourite brewery!" To which, the two servers replied: "You mean Mill Street, right?" All of the booths were manned by Mill Street employees. I had no idea. So naturally, I said with a smile, "Of course, Mill Street! Geez, what did you hear?" Thank gawd, they went easy on me. "Yeah, we heard Mill Street, too..."

I don't even like pineapple, ESPECIALLY on pizza but this
pineapple-infused pale ale continues to rock my world!

Best Canadian Pale Ale: Again, I have had dozens but three bob to the top of the ice-cold pond. There is no denying that Flying Monkeys Hoptical Illusion Not Quite Pale Ale and Nickel Brook American Style Pale Ale are at the Head Of The Class. But 2013 belongs to Spearhead Hawaiian Style Pale Ale. This 6%, 60 IBU (international bitterness units) might be more at home in the IPA category... but it's won several awards for Best Pale Ale and if the pros believe it's a pale ale, who am I to argue? I know the latitude for pale ales is incredibly wide from somewhat mild to... well, this beer! This is in my fridge more often than, oh let's say, food.

Of all the porters I've had this year, nothing -
but nothing - comes close to this Vanilla Porter

Best Canadian Porter: First off, lemme say this. Brick's Waterloo Small Batch Union Mills Porter surprised the hell out of me. For a medium-large brewery, their Brewmaster did an outstanding job with this one. He went for craft quality... and succeeded. Same with Mill Street Coffee Porter. Both Saga and I were wondering if we'd hate it... and ended up loving it. Also in the running: Cameron's Obsidian Imperial Porter which is rum-barrel-aged. Really tasty stuff! But in the end, this one was a slam-dunk and my easiest choice of the year - Mill Street's Vanilla Porter. Porter-wise, nothing came close to this in 2013.  You don't drink porters? Yeah, shut the hell up, Princess, and try this. Thank me later.

Mill Street Oktoberfest "D'oh" Moment - Part 2: That would be the moment Saga thought he spent a beer ticket on a root-beer flavoured beer. Turns out that after recommending it to another party-goer as the best "root beer flavoured beer I've ever had," the pretty server told us it actually was root beer. My response? "You got A&W-ed, yo!" Scotty's response, which eclipsed mine? "You're Jesse Pinkman, bitch!", referring to the lovable loser of  "Breaking Bad" who was constantly getting the crap beat out of him. Well, Saga spent the rest of the night barking, "I'm NOT Jesse Pinkman!" Scotty and I spent the remainder of the evening, now officially renamed Scottoberfest, laughing and calling him Jesse. If dissing your bro is wrong, I don't wanna be right... Every once in a while even now, if I look at Saga funny... just right, he still barks out: "I'm NOT Jesse Pinkman!" It's a fun game.

"Yo, bitch! Don't call me Saga!!! Ummm, yo...!"

Best Canadian Lager: Tough category for this reason: I had literally dozens of different lagers this year - craft and otherwise - but they're all very different beers. Many beer snobs would not agree with me - some would actually kill me in my sleep for this - but I genuinely liked that Budweiser Crown (amber lager). Besides actually tasting pretty damn good, I appreciated a big gun like Labatt going outside their comfort zone and doing something different. On the craft side, there were a boat-load of crafties that could not be ignored. Amsterdam Natural Blonde is outstanding - clean, clear sunny day patio beer. Right up there with it was Hop City's Barking Squirrel Amber Lager. This lightly-hopped lager was an easy recommendation to me for customers looking for a little bite with their lagers. In the end, I'm going outside the box and saying King Dark Lager was, by far, the best lager I drank this year. Why is this outside of the box? In this country, lagers are slam-em-down, sports-watching beers and this dark lager is anything but that. These are to be savoured... enjoyed slowly. These are a special treat, not a chug-a-lug frat-party lager.

There's bar fridges... and then there's MY new bar fridge!

The How-To-Win-Friends-And-Influence-People Award: Yeah, that would go to me. Friend came to Donny's Bar and Grill and we were going out to meet more friends. I was just finishing getting ready (I decided to go with socks) and told her to go into the fridge and help herself. Well, the fridge here was LOADED with craft beer. I mean, jammed. She yells upstairs: "You might just want to invest in a bar fridge!"
Oblivious as usual, I yelled back down: "What? You mean for the food?"
"There is something seriously wrong with you," she sighed. That said, she had a valid point. There's probably room in my place for this one shown here (above left) if I sell my bed. I can sleep on the couch. I was married twice. I'm pretty used to that.

He had to win. He has a crown. Nuff said...

Best Canadian Wheat Beer: Yeah, I don't even know what to say. After the far-superior German wheat beers - and that's a pretty fair comment because they had a 500 year head-start - I thought I'd never drink a Canadian wheat of the same calibre. So I saw this big one-litre jug of Howe Sound (British Columbia) King Heffy Imperial Hefeweissen with a cool ceramic swing-top and thought, "Oh what the hell... sweet bottle." At 7.7%, this brew is as smooth as a baby's butt... and tasty? You have no idea. German breweries are probably scratching their heads wondering, "Vas ist das?" Not just the best wheat beer of the year... one of the best beers I've had all year, period!

Best Canadian Light Beer: How the hell would I know?

Best Canadian Ale: Okay, this one is tough. Really tough. I had reds (my favourite), I had darks and I had browns. You know what my barometer is for this one? What Canuck ale is ready to be ranked on the (Newport, Oregon) Rogue Dead Guy Ale Scale? I could literally list off dozens of contenders because this is what I drank the most of this year. But, and this is most unlike me, I'm cutting to the chase. Mill Street Tankhouse Ale was so good that I feel like sending a 6-pack of it to Newport with a note that says, "You're welcome. This is how we do it, north of the 49th Parallel. It ain't all igloos, strip malls and Mounties up here. Well yeah, not gonna lie, we have that stuff... but also some damn good craft beer and this bad boy's at the top of list, yo..."

... and sometimes, the crown is put on top of your head...

Best Canadian Stout: I'll make this fast. Nickel Brook takes their already excellent Bolshevik Bastard Imperial Stout... and then ages it a year in Kentucky bourbon barrels to create their Old Kentucky Bastard Imperial Stout. This stuff is insanely good. I would hand this to a beer "stout expert" anywhere in the world with pride.

Best Canadian India Pale Ale: Remember that movie, "Sophie's Choice", where Meryl Streep had to decide which one of her two kids she was gonna hand over to the Nazi's? I never saw it because it co-starred neither Batman nor Iron Man but I heard it was intense. And then I saw something shiny and forgot about it. Well, this is MY Sophie's Choice... except instead of Nazi's and which kid, I have to decide which IPA was the best. Sorry to say but that bitch Sophie had it easy. (Relax... it was a movie... it didn't really happen.)

Yo Rogue! This is how we keep your Brutal IPA cold in
in Canada! Why? Because we're a Rogue Nation, baby!

Sawdust City's Lone Pine IPA was outstanding. So was Surrey, BC's Central City Brewing's Red Racer IPA. Ditto for the Muskoka Brewery twins: Mad Tom IPA and its nastier older brother Twice As Mad Tom IPA. Amsterdam Boneshaker IPA, you are one of my favourites and hands down, have the BEST name. Nickel Brook Headstock IPA... well, I buy you by the growler... you can feel my love. But in the end, which IPA have I bought the most of since June? Step up, Flying Monkey's Smashbomb Atomic IPA because no beer spent as much time in the fridge at Donny's Bar and Grill as you did. At 6% and 70 IBUs, you are both safer than some and yet far more deadly than many... and no, I have no idea how that works. But enjoy the sales spike. It won't end anytime soon. You were the first IPA I tried at the summer Craft Beer Fest at the Steam Whistle Round House... and no one forgets their first love.

People, that's it, that's all and I am outta here!!! I have literally dozens of you to thank for making 2013 the best beer year ever! And I will... another day.

But until that day, I remain...

Here's two stouts for the Christmas table

So something like this but in four separate
six-packs... with tighty-whiteys on top

Well, it's Christmas time and that means I can finally tell the Christmas beer story that my Mom has been pestering me about including since she was told of this blog. She doesn't read this exactly because, well, at 83, she seems puzzled as to how the magic words appear on the TV screen attached to the typewriter. Actually, she's not quite that bad... she goes to the local library and uses their computers to regularly retrieve e-mails from my brother, Gary, in Valencia, Spain. But checking e-mails is far as she's willing to venture. I'd show her how to use Skype but I'm afraid she'd think Gary was trapped in the magic-typewriter-TV bad magic thingey. Then the whole thing turns into a scene from the movie, Poltergeist. Plus the last time I used Skype with my brother, he was in Vietnam, it was 10,000-degrees in his room and he spent the whole conversation naked. But he was good enough to cover his junk with a beer bottle whenever he stood up. Got some gratuitous butt shots I could have lived without but that disturbing imagery aside, it was, as always, great to talk with him.

"Gary, are you in there??? Donald, save your brother!!!"

Okay, the Christmas beer story... and this will truly warm your heart. I would have been, oh, 19 or 20 and Mom asked me what I wanted for Christmas. "A case of beer!" I said instantly. She scoffed, noting there was no chance I was getting that. "How about some underwear, instead?" she countered. "Nope, case of beer," I insisted. And this went on for a few weeks. Every time, I saw or talked to her, I'd blurt out, "Case of beer!" and she would counter with "Underwear!" So Christmas rolls around and spread out under the tree are four identically-sized wrapped gifts for me. Turns out my Mom had bought me four six-packs of Labatt's Blue and on top of each was a pair of tighty-whiteys underwear. I got my beer... and some underwear. Fast-forward one year and my Mom is asking Gary what he wants for Christmas. I lean over and whisper, "Say 'underwear like Donny got last year'." He looks at me and whispers back, "I don't want underwear!" So I tell him, "Just trust me on this one..."

Winter Beard notched a very high 95 on RateBeer but
only 48 style points. Why? It's deliberately different!

In keeping with the Christmas theme we have going here, a couple of stouts have struck me as perfect for the Christmas dinner table. The reigning Craft Beer Queen of Toronto, Mel, does not recommend beers to me lightly. Ever. And frankly, she couldn't have picked a better time of the year when she recommended this one, although Muskoka Brewery has more say in this matter since their Winter Beard Double Chocolate Cranberry Stout is a winter seasonal. Coming in a very cool box - you can't tell from the picture but that beard is shiny silver - this is an outstanding dessert beer. The aroma is a blast of chocolate with some coffee hints and the taste is strongly chocolate with bits of dates, cranberries and I even sensed a bit of cherry. At 8%, be prepared to undo your belt because it's packing a whoppin' 240 calories! Nice job, Muskoka, this was fantastic. You might want to graduate this from the seasonal section and six-pack this bad boy. And Mel, another excellent find... as always!

Like Winter Beard, this also got 95 on
RateBeer but only 47 style points. Why?
Maybe the bourbon, bourbon, bourbon!

Okay, everyone has that uncle who loves his bourbon. With me, it was my now-late Uncle Bob in Winnipeg. Boisterous, loud, happy, total joker guy, he was my "fun" uncle. Aaaaaaaand I am just now making the connection from the bourbon to his happy-go-lucky personality. Hey, I was a kid. His traditional post-meal naps on the couch also make more sense now. Here's a beer Uncle Bob would have loved - Nickel Brook's Old Kentucky Bastard Imperial Stout. What the Burlington brewery does is take their Bolshevik Bastard Stout and age it another year in Kentucky bourbon barrels. Its aroma is roasted malts, vanilla and bourbon, bourbon, bourbon!!! The taste has some chocolate but also strong hints of figs, coffee, vanilla and... something else. What is it? Oh yeah... bourbon, bourbon, bourbon!!! I'm not even a bourbon drinker but I loved what it does to this 10% stout. Don't want it now? Wait a year. Or two. Or three. It just keeps aging and getting richer in taste. I can think of two friends that will enjoy this even more than me: co-worker Saga and New Zealand college buddy Stevil St Evil who both love their bourbon. I'm also gonna guess fictional TV anchorman Ron Burgundy would pound this stuff. And then say really inappropriate things... like my Uncle Bob did. Again, I was a kid. I didn't catch any of this at the time. Much like now, pretty much oblivious. I was A.D.D. back in the day when they simply said, "I think this boy's head is in the clouds."

Please, Flying Monkeys Craft Brewery and Central City
Brewery: do NOT make this red ale treat a limited edition. 

Okay, I was gonna talk about some new IPAs I've tried but you guys hear about enough about those so it can wait until 2014. Yeah, sorry... should have warned you. Not stopping. In the words of the late great Walter White, well, I'm gonna let him tell it his way... just click on this link: Brew Ha Ha? Nothing stops this train! So like that... but without the Meth. So instead, let's hop forward (yeah, I said hop) to Brew Ha Ha's 2013 Christmas Wish List. Ummm, some of which involves IPAs. Okay, pretty much all of it is about IPAs... but not new IPAs. Sue me.

First up to my friends at Spearhead Brewing who brew their outstanding Hawaiian Style Pale Ale out of the Cool Brewery in Etobicoke: Where is your Big Kuhana IPA? Back in April, you unveiled two versions of it at the Victory Cafe in Toronto. You used Cascade hops in one; Nelson Sauvin hops from New Zealand in the other. That was April. By the way, where the hell was my invitation? Clearly, you got the beer-lover feedback you needed. When is this 10%, 100 IBU (international bitterness units) gift from the gods gonna land in the fridge at Donny's Bar and Grill in six-packs?? Ask any woman who's ever met me: I'm not above begging!

The Waterloo Wheat belongs in the Summer
Small Batch Sampler. Yank the Traditional IPA
... you have no idea how much that hurts me

To Barrie's Flying Monkeys Craft Brewery and Surrey, BC's Central City Brewery: Collectively, you  brew two of Canada's top-ranked IPAs with your Smashbomb Atomic IPA and Red Racer IPA. I had no idea that the Red-on-Red Ale I so enjoyed at the Mill Street Oktoberfest was a collaborative effort between you two. That said, it's outstanding. It was my palate-cleanser at the Oktoberfest. Yes, a 9.5% red ale as a palate cleanser? I'm messed up - I get that. But it also says "limited edition" all over the bottle. Could you, uhh, un-limit that and have Flying Monkeys distribute that here in Ontario in six-packs? Again, willing to beg...

To my friends at Brick Brewery in Waterloo: I loved your Winter Small Batch Sampler, particularly your Union Mills Porter which was pretty damn outstanding for a brewer of somewhat larger proportions. Your Small Batch Summer Sampler needs a tweak, though. Keep the Classic Pilsner and Jack Pine Belgian Ale but yank the Traditional IPA and replace it with the Waterloo Wheat, much more of a summer beer. Keep selling the Traditional IPA but send your brewmaster in that Small Batch lab of his with these small tender words of instruction: "Imperial IPA... go nuts! By nuts, we mean bat-shit crazy."

Imagine this... but filled with Cameron's
Rye Pale Ale. Want this. Need this...

To my favourite home-town Oakville brewer, Cameron's Brewery: You've already very recently granted one of my Christmas wishes by putting your Rye Pale Ale into traditional six-packs and shipping them out to Beer Stores and LCBOs. But set your brewery up with spigots so I can get growlers filled there. Why? Well, it's selfish but while I live in Burlington now, my Mom, the above-mentioned 83 year old sweet (I mentioned she was sweet, right?) white-haired lady needs me to come by for yard work on regular occasion and you are literally down the hill from her. I think heading home with a fresh growler of your Rye Pale Ale... well, that would kinda rock, Plus it's kind of incentive for me to come out and help out my really sweet (still kinda emphasizing the sweet old lady thing here) mother. I said she was 83, right? No pressure or anything.

Next up and I have a feeling this has nothing to do with me and my earlier begging (seriously, women, I'm a push-over - okay, moreso for breweries but give 'er a shot) but Rogue Ales (Newport, Oregon) is keeping a regular stock of their outstanding Brutal IPA in one of my Burlington liquor stores. I bought it out. Twice. The Brutal IPA is one of the most best IPAs out there. I told them I would continue to buy it out if they kept shipping it. And it keeps returning - there's 24 of those bad boys there as I speak! I love Rogue for that. Also try their Dead Guy Ale - dynamite!

I've never had you but I love you. Please come here...

But if it is truly that simple and just a matter of casting the line in the water... well, here goes nothing. To Epic Brewing in Auckland, New Zealand: my friends, Stevil St Evil and top-of-the-class beer writer-blogger Neil Miller get to drink Hop Zombie Double IPA all they want. At their leisure. I'm not saying this is unfair... because war and pestilence and bad diseases are unfair. Dropping your iPhone into the toilet and no access to Hop Zombie are far less unfair. But did I mention my 83-year-old Mom? Boy, I bet an 83-year-old sweet white haired Mom would love her son to have some of this beer. If you could just ship it to an LCBO in Burlington, Ontario, Canada, wow, you would make her so happy. Just sayin'...

Okay, Stevil St Evil had nothing new to add but will be crapping on Year End Lists in his next outing which, of course, lines up with my next blog... That Was The Beer (Half) Year That Was. I can take the mockery. But my comely young lass, KC??? Always a fresh one with this girl! Here's the latest Confessional of a Former Fat Girl that we're gonna call: It's a trap!

Okay, that's it.... that's all... and I am outta here!!! Until next time, I remain...

OCB's Brewmaster's Choice a killer combo

Six beers of very different degrees, all in one package.
Hats off to the OCB. Okay, no more resting on your
laurels. What's next? Need some suggestions? 

When the Ontario Craft Brewers (OCB) decided to pull together six beers from six different Ontario craft brewers in their Brewmaster's Choice Discovery Pack, they did so, very much to their credit, with an eye to beer-lovers who are not me or even remotely like me. A personal slight? Nahhhhhhhh... The simple fact is ever since I started this Clydesdale-and-Pony beer blog show back in the summer, I've been on my own craft beer journey of discovery. (Clydesdale - see what I did there? The subtle beer reference? No? Never mind...) So trust me, I do not feel snubbed.

The reason is simply this: I've already had five of the six beers - some of them repeatedly. I'm a social beer drinker so obviously, I'm pretty much social all the time. No, this six-pack is about "discovery", meaning mainstream beer drinkers finding beers that are different from the ones they've had and discovering a style - or styles - that they never knew they liked. If beer commercials have taught us anything, it's this: exceptionally good-looking people like run-of-the-mill beers. Not trying to be a beer snob here. After all, it wasn't until the Craft Beer Festival at the Steam Whistle Roundhouse this past summer that I learned I really love IPAs and began searching out different ones from craft brewers across North America. This is all relatively recent for me. And, this is important, the Discovery Pack contains six beers from the various ends of the spectrum. On the lighter end, they start with an excellent choice: Toronto's Amsterdam Brewery's Natural Blonde Lager, a beer I praised as a great "sessions beer" in my last blog.

This is the label you will only see at
the brewery itself. They had to create
a second one for distribution because
the image of Joseph Stalin was deemed
"offensive". Really? By who? The dude
was a Bolshevik and by many accounts
he was something of a bastard, as well...

From there, we go to Oakville's Cameron's Auburn Ale, to me, the best of the four they offer at my Beer Store - we also carry their Lager, Cream Ale and Dark 266 (all good but someone has to win...) Another good choice was the Wellington Dark Ale, a Guelph brewery I will be talking about very soon. Their Special Pale Ale? One of those rare beers my co-worker Saga and I agree on - top drawer stuff.

Next up is the Lake of Bays 10 Point India Pale Ale, which I had at the Mill Street Brewery Oktoberfest and quite liked. Brewed as a celebratory beer for brewery owner Darren Smith's wedding in the British style, it's a good starter IPA - 6%, lower and safer 55 IBU (international bitterness units) so it's not gonna blow the top off your head off if you're unfamiliar with the style. No, let's leave that to my all-time favourite in this six-pack: Muskoka Brewery's Twice As Mad Tom Double IPA. It's 8.4%, 71 IBU and is aggressively doubly dry-hopped. I wish you all the best with this one. It'll pull down your pants, beat you up and then steal your lunch money... and this is after it makes out with your Mom and posts it on You-Tube. Mad Tom is a bad-ass.

It turns out the only beer in this 6-pack that I hadn't tried was the Nickel Brook Bolshevik Bastard Imperial Stout, the heaviest, darkest and meatiest of the bunch. Fortunately, finding it wasn't much of an issue since the brewery is right around the corner from Donny's Bar and Grill.

John Romano, the smiling public face of Nickel Brook
Brewery. He sees a lot, probably too much, of me...

So I popped in to check it out. The guy at the front counter? None other than brewery owner John Romano, who, with his brother Peter, created the Better Bitters Brewing Company in 2002. I got a chance to shoot the breeze with him for about a half hour while he was serving me and others. From all accounts, running a craft brewery must be a labour of love because the financial pay-off is an extreme version of delayed gratification. Pointing to some bourbon barrels purchased late last year, he noted that their Old Kentucky Bastard Imperial Stout was aged in those barrels for a year before they started bottling it now. (Thus putting the bourbon in suburban.) That's slightly more than a full year before any cash comes back on that batch. Imagine going into work and being told, "Yeah, we'll pay you next year..." Unless your job involves shooting Playboy centrefolds or in the case of women, shooting shirtless photos of Brad Pitt, no-one is gonna go for that.

My super-cool Nickel Brook growler... well, one
of them. That's one big-ass jug of beer. On the
right is how I used to drink Headstock IPA...

In the end, I walked out of there with two growlers, a 1.9 litre bottle (or 64 ounces, for my American friends), which is basically a six-pack in a jug. One was filled with my old favourite, Headstock IPA, while the other was filled to the brim with the Bolshevik Bastard Imperial Stout. Let me tell you why this stout was a perfect choice for the Discovery Pack. First off, the specialty pack was released in late fall and you need a stout or porter in there for the winter weather. Stouts are sipping, warm-you-up beers. Secondly, to me at least, it's a local business so I get to support that. And finally, it's delicious. At 8.5%, the aroma is one of roasted malt and a bit of licorice. The taste has strong hints of cocoa and pours with a nice brown head. This will not be my last growler of Bolshevik Bastard. As for the growlers themselves, once you purchase them for $5, you can continue to go into the brewery and get the freshest possible beer for about $11. So 11 bucks for nearly a sixer of top-notch craft beer? As the customer, I get the opposite end of the scale where John suffers - I get instant gratification. And hey, I'm all about that. (Women everywhere reading this are nodding their collective heads and muttering, "Yeah, that's pretty typically male...")

Stout with a bitter-sweet aftertaste. Yum

Regardless, my Toronto craft beer expert and friend Mel sent me a cool video of specialty growlers being made after I told her of my purchase. Check it out here at: Super Cool Growler Video

Okay, moving on, when I was buying Sawdust City Brewing Co's Lone Pine IPA, which I reviewed a few blogs ago, I also snagged a bottle of their Long, Dark Voyage to Uranus Uranal Imperial Stout and decided to wait until a cold winter day to try it. Well, there's two feet of snow on my barbeque at the moment so the time was now... though technically, the time is always "now" at Donny's Bar and Grill. Okay, this is a stout of a different sort. At 8.5%, this also packs a walloping 85 IBUs, something of a rarity with the stouts I've had so far. That turns the sweet chocolate aroma into a bitter-sweet chocolate, mouth-puckering taste. Because of the high IBU, there's a hint of grapefruit along with the roasted maltiness. Very different and very cool. Hats off to Sawdust City Brewing on this bad boy. This is like taking what I love most in an IPA and creating a stout in the same vein. So win-win for this guy.

Lost Coast Brewery's 8-Ball Stout:
definitely a game winner...

And finally, let's travel to Eureka, California to sample a bottle of Lost Coast Brewery's 8-Ball Stout. In much the same vein but to a lesser degree, they've adding some hoppiness to this stout at 50 IBUs. At a relatively low 5.9%, the malts mask the alcohol easily and the aroma is one of - again - roasted malts, chocolate. The taste is as smooth as can be with hints of coffee and caramel. With a score of 98 on RateBeer, it also notched an identical 98 on style points, meaning staying true to the classic stout taste and brewing style. Grab yourself a bottle of this if you see it. You won't be disappointed.

Okay, up next, how is that Nickel Brook Old Kentucky Bastard Imperial Stout, not to mention the Muskoka Brewery's Winter Beard Double Chocolate Cranberry Imperial Stout, sitting patiently behind the bar at Donny's Bar and Grill? Plus a couple more outstanding IPAs and two that were less so. Coming soon: The Brew Ha Ha Christmas Wish List and the Best Of The Beers I Drank This Year.

I don't have a recent Stevil St Evil blog straight from New Zealand to link to so I will pass along his regards which would sound something like this: "As a Canadian ex-pat from the Petawawa area, have fun with all that snow. And by the way, it's Summer here... suckers!" However, my friend KC has always got a fresh batch of her blog Confessional of a Former Fat Girl, the most recent being the age-old argument: Sweet Vs Salty

Okay, that's it, that's all and I am outta here!!! Until next time, I remain...

Beer Store Christmas Party - gonna need a "session" beer

Why did the Toronto Maple Leafs logo on the Molson
Canadian aluminum bottle drive my co-worker Gord insane?

A few months ago, I had NO idea what a "session beer" was. The term cropped up since in a couple of New Zealand beer blogs that I follow religiously, beer being my religion and all. Hey, my religion doesn't start wars. Just bar fights. All hail the mighty peace-making hop. I'm not sure if it is strictly a NZ term or something I just wasn't familiar with like, you know, how long you have to be dating a woman before you loudly pass gas in front of her. (Note: Date #1 is the wrong answer. In a crowded restaurant is especially wrong. And then subtly pointing at her when others look... really, really, really wrong. Don't ask me how I know.)

Turns out a session beer is a beer at 5% or less, one you can drink with the boys while watching the hockey game... or in the case of New Zealand, their much-beloved All Blacks national rugby team. You see, the problem with the high-octane craft beers I drink these days, which run anywhere from 6% to more than 10% alcohol-by-volume, is that in the case of my beloved IPAs, you drink them at the same speed you drink a regular beer. Muskoka Brewery's Twice As Mad Tom IPA, a personal favourite, is 8.4%. You down that at regular beer drinking speed and you're gonna be out-cold by the second period or half-time, depending on the sport. And really, is there anything worse than having to call your bro's the next day and ask: "So... uh... who won? And where is my car? And my clothes? What exploded in my kitchen and why am I handcuffed to the fridge?" You know, that old story. We've all been there, right?

A painting of the 2012 Oakville Beer Store Christmas Party.
The Sheriff came in, guns a'blazin' and sorted us varmints out

But I need a session beer for Sunday night. That's the night when the six Beer Stores in Oakville get together for our annual Christmas Party. One year, we landed in a bar on their Karaoke Night. I'm not saying ears bled on that night. But I'm not saying they didn't. But I will say most bar patrons don't usually get their headaches until the following morning when the old hangover hits. I think we sent a few home with aching heads.

But the Beer Store Christmas Party is an endurance race, not a sprint. The beer is free-flowing so we tend to invoke the "spirit of Christmas" but mostly the "spirit" part. So I need a session beer. Something a lot lower alcohol so I can make it to the end and actually see who I can mock the following day. There's usually a few. But let's face it. All my 5%-or-less beers are gonna be made by craft brewers that are most unlikely to be found in a regular Oakville bar - the kind of bar that considers Stella Artois, Corona and Heineken to be the fancy stuff. But we'll get to my choices in a bit.

"Can you show us, using the dolls, where Don
started to lose control at the Christmas Party?"

First, I'll turn to my co-workers who, with the exception of Saga, only drink session beers as a matter of course... let's see what they're drinking. My fellow full-timer, Gordo, is a traditionalist, going with two of Canada's biggest-selling beers, Molson Canadian (5%) and Coors Light (4%). However, Gordo can stray away from Canada and is also a pretty big fan of Denmark's Carlsberg Light (4%). I'm not gonna suggest that his choice has anything to do with Copenhagen's relaxed laws on marijuana and prostitution but I work with the guy so... yeah, it's totally that. True Gordo Story From The Beer Store Archives: he and I are unloading the Molson delivery one night. As soon as we get the eight skids off the truck, he goes on dinner break and I start breaking down the load. I notice the Molson Canadian aluminum bottles have a Toronto Maple Leafs jersey logo on them. Being a Philadelphia Flyers fan, Gord really hates the Leafs but they're my all-time favourite team. So I intentionally leave that skid until he comes back... and wait... and wait. And finally, he sees it - on one of his favourite beers. And he goes postal! The swearing got pretty bad so I'm going to insert "fluffy bunny" in place of the expletives. "Why the fluffy bunny would they fluffy bunny put that on their fluffy bunny cans??? What the fluffy bunny were they fluffy bunny thinking?" And he continued to fluffy bunny on at length, like a grumpy old man who didn't get enough mayo on his sandwich at the deli. It was awesome! So basically, it was like every shift with Gordo... but a Tuesday. Well, a different Tuesday.

I love our Beer Store's Moosehead Christmas tree, which
boss Allison painstakingly constructed after downing
two cases of Moosehead. 'Tis a Tree of Love and Hope...

The ladies I work with all have their session beers so let's start with sweet young Katie, who is a Miller Genuine Draft (4.7%) girl all the way. Except for the three-carat diamond wedding ring and the life-time membership to the spa, she's going to be a relatively inexpensive trophy wife some day. Marie's beer is one of my original sessioners - Sleeman Original Draught (5%). I realized the need to keep session beers handy in the bottom of my fridge when Marie popped by one day to drop off some home-cured bacon and I had to scramble to find her a craft beer that wouldn't blow the top of her head off. Fortunately, I had one - which you'll read on my list. But now I keep Brick's Red Baron Blonde Lager (4.8%) in my fridge at all times for visitors. They all seem to really like it but let's face it - free beer at Donny's Bar and Grill will never be unappreciated.. Our boss, Allison, favours two - Moosehead Lager (5%) and Sapporo pale lager (5%), which is brewed here under licence by Sleeman's, which in turn is owned by Sapporo, a Japanese mega-brewery.

That leaves our resident Malt King, Saga, who, like Allison, has always been a fan of Moosehead but has now found a new favourite with the Coors Banquet (5%), now shipped here from the United States.

Now THIS is a session beer - 5% alcohol, 100% flavour!

To Americans, this is actually your regular yellow-label Coors but for some reason, they added the word "Banquet" to it when they shipped it here. Please explain to them we're not a fancy culture up here - hockey, maple syrup and women who will snowboard in bikinis - that's pretty much Canada.

My blog brothers, Glenn and Stevil, had some good choices. Glenn prefers Brava (4.9%), a cerveza-style beer, originally brewed by Lakeport, which is now owned by Labatt's, and was meant to be competition for Corona. One small problem. It's better than Corona - MUCH better. Plus it's not a twist-off cap - you need an opener. I will ALWAYS maintain that 'church-key' beers, as opposed to twist-off, are fresher.

Steam Whistle Pilsner: "They do one thing really well"

Stevil, who has spent the past 12 years in Craft Beer Heaven, a.k.a. Wellington, New Zealand, had to think back to his Canadian session beer days before coming up with a couple of his old favourites: Big Rock Traditional Ale (5%) out of Calgary and Okanagan Springs Pale Ale (5%) from B.C. These days, like me, he prefers the high-test craft stuff and honestly thinks the criteria for session beers should be raised to 6%. I suspect a on-line petition any day now. That petition would likely be supported by my Toronto craft beer expert Melissa, who couldn't even name a session beer when asked. She shrugged, "I'm a strong beer kind of gal." And that's why we're beer buddies.

Okay, now my session beers, one of which I'll need for the Beer Store Christmas Party tomorrow night before yet another Oakville bar is sacrificed like a virgin at an ancient Mayan Frat Party.

Amsterdam makes a lovely blonde lager

First up is Flying Monkey's Hoptical Illusion Almost Pale Ale (5%), which to me is the younger brother to their Smashbomb Atomic IPA. Only 28 IBU (international bitterness units) and yet through the use of the Amarillo hop, it possesses a citrus/floral aroma and has a lighter version of that tangy quality I enjoy in a full-bodied  IPA. If a customer wants something a little hoppier than the mainstream Canadian beers, I steer them towards this. Why? You start with Robin and if you can handle Robin, then and only then, do you take on Batman (Smashbomb Atomic).

I'm a little surprised I've never mentioned Steam Whistle Premium Pilsner (5%) in this blog before. It's a very cool Canadian take on a Czech-style Pilsner. Light with a nice bite, my only concern with this beer is it's the only one they brew. A craft beer maker with just one beer? When I tell friends outside this country that, they all ask the same thing: "What does their brewmaster do all day? This has got to drive him crazy!" Indeed. He probably locks himself in a secret closet, concocting up super-cool IPAs and stouts for himself before heading back out to the brewery floor to maintain quality control.

"I'm Naughty... and Nice. Don't tell Santa..."

Amsterdam Natural Blonde Lager (5%), out of Toronto, is a great session beer and a perfect hot day patio beer (I said, watching the snow fall on my patio... *sigh*) Not in the least hoppy (14 IBU), it relies on the grainy aroma of malts for its nice, light taste.

And finally, a nod to my Burlington bros at Nickel Brook and their damn tasty Naughty Neighbour American Pale Ale (4.9%) - one of my favourites and soon to be arriving in my fridge via their 64-ounce (1.9 litre) growlers. I met owner John Romano at the brewery - helluva guy - more on that next blog. This scored a staggeringly high 93 on RateBeer and with its hints of tropical fruits, pines and malts in its aroma, this is, hands down, one of the best APAs I've ever had. And this was the beer Marie had at my place... and quite enjoyed!

"I'm the fat bastard who works one day a year and spends
the other 364 days of the year judging you! Ho freakin' ho"

That's all for this go-around but up next, we have both Nickel Brook's Bolshevik Bastard Imperial Stout and their Old Kentucky Bastard Imperial Stout (aged a year in a bourbon barrel so I will be sharing this with Saga as a Christmas treat), Sawdust City's Long Dark Voyage to Uranus Imperial Stout, Lost Coast Brewery's 8-Ball Stout and a Melissa-recommended (so I know it's gonna rock) Muskoka Winter Beard Double Chocolate Cranberry Stout. Tis the season of the stout.

Shout-outs: If you wanna see a humongous craft beer selection, watch Stevil St Evil's video, which I call: You Lucky Bastard! And my former co-worker KC kicks it old-school with her very funny Confessional of a Former Fat Girl blog. Today's thoughts? It's a Bacon Kind of Day! Okay, until next time, that's it, that's all and I am outta here! As always, I remain...