Discovery Pack Challenge... accepted!!!!

According to one of our customers, you will need 12
of these to open one 12-pack of Steam Whistle Pilsner

HAPPY BREW YEAR!!!!

Welcome back, my friends, to the show that never ends. The first day of 2014 saw me post a lazy-ass, year-end Best Of... blog, which was followed by me watching my beloved Toronto Maple Leafs beat the Detroit Red Wings in the outdoor Winter Classic in Ann Arbor, Michigan. And then the day ended in spectacular manner when I dumped a Flying Monkey's Smashbomb Atomic IPA on the keyboard of my laptop, frying the machine.

I got a new laptop within two days... but that Smashbomb Atomic IPA??? That can never be replaced. (A moment of silence, please...)

Okay, long enough... I can get more. I trust we all feasted through the holiday season, washing down copious amounts of holiday food with seasonally-appropriate stouts and porters. And IPAs. And pale ales. And lagers and pilsners. And delicious red ales. And I hope you all made sensible New Years Resolutions. Mine was: Try many, many, many, MANY new beers. I may have gone one "many" too far but... nah... I think we all know I'm good for it. The sacrifices I make for blog research. (Note from Don's Liver: I lead a horrible existence and I hate you all...) Shut up, Liver!!! Can't you see I'm trying to save the world one beer at a time????

Discovery Pack Challenge.... ACCEPTED!!!

Okay, before I jump into matters of beer, first a Holiday Story from the Beer Store. Obviously, we see A LOT more customers over the holidays, some we're not familiar with. That was the case with Crazy Bottle Opener Man (or CBOM, as we shall refer to him.) I got flagged over to help a customer by a young co-worker, Cam. The minute I stepped over, Cam took off from the grouchy old dude like a scared rabbit. That should have been Hint #1. So it went something like this...
CBOM: Why doesn't Steam Whistle come in twist-off cap bottles?
Me: Well, like many craft brewers, they believe you get a better seal with bottle opener caps. However, we do have it in cans, as well.
CBOM: Beer in a can? It's (expletive) garbage. I may as well drink sheet metal. (Actually, I'd pay to watch this crotchety old dude do that...)

Little known fact about Steam Whistle bottles:
they are made of thicker glass than the industry
standard bottle and are reusable up to 20 times
as opposed to 12-13 for the industry standard.

Me: Well, we have bottle openers up front. They're pretty nice and fairly inexpensive.
CBOM: (Sarcastically) Well, that's just great! Are you going to give me 12 of them for the price of one?
Me: (Puzzled) I got a free opener in a 12-pack of Steam Whistle that I've been using for the last four years, sir. Why would you need 12 bottle openers for one 12-pack?
(Buckle up, gentle reader... it's about to get weird...)
CBOM: (Angrily) Well, geezuz, son, you know what it's like!! You open your beer... and then a friend opens his and the opener just disappears. And there's still 10 beers to open. And you can't! Now you need an opener for every bottle!!!
Me: (Long pause) Ever thought of getting new friends who don't steal your openers at a rate of one-per-bottle?
After that, I walked him through the entire cooler looking for an alternative. It went something like this...
CBOM: (pointing) Does that beer have a twist-off cap?
Me: Yes, sir, it does!
CBOM: Yeah, I don't like that beer.
In the end, when CBOM was starting to feel like the world's worst date, I went into the back room, found a spare opener in the junk drawer, handed it to him with  a 12-pack of Steam Whistle and said with a smile: "Just chain it to a belt loop. If one of your buddies manages to steal that one, you may notice you have no pants..." Steam Whistle, this loon is all yours. I'm sending him directly to the brewery from now on... Get ready with free openers. When I went to the back, Cam asked incredulously, "Did that old guy also tell you he needs 12 openers for a 12-pack?" Yup, he sure did...

Can I come up with an Ontario Craft Brewers'
Brewmaster Choice Discovery Pack that is as
outstanding as theirs was? No but I can at least try!

Okay, first challenge of 2014. Even though he now lives in New Zealand, my old college buddy, Stevil St Evil, pays close attention to the Ontario craft brewery industry. VERY close attention. Why? He left the Province in 1985 or so when micro-breweries were just starting here. When he went out to British Columbia, there were a handful of small breweries out there and he started to experiment with other brewers - Granville Island, Parallel 49 and many more. When he left B.C. for New Zealand 13 years ago, craft brewers were just beginning there. In the past few years, that scene has exploded... his adopted country is awash with craft beer. Ontario's craft beer situation is nothing to sneeze at, though... so I was ready for his challenge. A few blogs ago, I reviewed the Ontario Craft Brewers' Brewmaster's Choice Discovery Pack - six outstanding beers from six different Ontario craft brewers - an outstanding collaborative effort.

Brewed by students, made for true IPA
lovers everywhere. But mostly for me.

Stevil's First Challenge: Create another Discovery Pack with six new brewers. Okey-dokey, then. (If I ever say "okey-dokey" twice in one conversation, it's code that means I've been kidnapped and please call the police.) Well, the OCB Discovery Pack had not one but two IPAs so you gotta be crazy if you think I'm not duplicating that. Let's start with the obvious one: Flying Monkey's Smashbomb Atomic IPA... the very beer that "smashbombed" my last laptop and a long-time favourite at Donny's Bar and Grill. Far too hoppy for most of my visiting friends and hey, that works well for me. There's always session beers in the bottom of the fridge for visitors. Had to think long and hard before deciding on IPA #2 but in the end, I went with Sawdust City Brewing's Lone Pine IPA. With its notable citrus and pine aroma, this 6.5% brew washes down with a nice light bite of grapefruit. Brewed at Niagara College's Teaching Brewery, rather than Sawdust City's recently-opened Bracebridge facility, this IPA is actually made by students studying to become brewmasters. Man, they all get A+ where this beer is concerned. Used to hate keeners in high school but at Brewmaster College? You go, beer geeks! Next up representing pale ales is Great Lake Brewing's Crazy Canuck Pale Ale, a zesty, hop-driven offering. At 5.2%, this is damn close to the "Session Beer Zone", right on the 5% cusp and frankly, close enough that you could - and would - drink it all night.

Is it a lager? Is it an ale? It's both... and damn good

Two old favourites for the lighter side of the Donny Discovery Pack - Mill Street Tankhouse Ale and the above-mentioned Steam Whistle Pilsner - the former using Cascade hops to give it some spicy bounce to its fruit flavours, the latter one of Canadian premier Czech-style pilsners. But I need a big closer here so I'm going with Beau's All Natural Brewing's Lug Tread Lagered Ale which is top-fermented like an ale but then cold-filtered like a lager. The result? A wickedly good combination of two distinct beer styles that shouldn't work together... and yet they do! Not hoppy in the least, more malt-driven and in a blind taste-test, you'd probably guess you were drinking a lager. It was the first beer I tried at the Steam Whistle Roundhouse Summer Craft Beer Festival and it was a great starter. For the adventurous beer drinker, in two weekends, there's also a Winter Craft Beer Festival at the same locale that my coworkers and I will be crashing and in our case, that's a literal term. Wanna go? Check it out here at: Winter Craft Beer Festival Even more breweries there than there were in the summer and since it's outdoors, two firepits!!! This is gonna be a blast...

... And your bones will shake when you try this bad boy

But Stevil St Evil wasn't done with me yet challenge-wise. Stevil's Second Challenge: Same six breweries as the last Discovery Pack but six different beers. Okey... ah, allllllrighty then. A little trickier but I'm always game. After all, from all the advice I ever received, the best was "There really is no bad time for a beer." (Thanks, Grandma.) Okay, after each brewer I will put in brackets their beer in the last Discovery Park. First up is easy: Nickel Brook Brewing (Bolshevik Bastard Imperial Stout) is a easy pick, their Naughty Neighbour American Pale Ale, a 5%, lightly-hopped citrus-and-pine treat as smooth at a high roller as a Vegas craps table.

More amber than red, the Spark House Red Ale is a heavily
carbonated great example of a top-shelf American pale ale

Lessee, I think Lake of Bays Brewery (10-Point IPA) must know of my love for red ales because their Spark House Red Ale is a great example of an American red ale, despite a more amber colour. While it kinda got panned on RateBeer, I dispute the low score drinkers gave it. Its aroma is light caramel and nuts, its taste is lightly chocolate and I'm a big fan of its high carbonation. This next one is also a slam-dunk - Amsterdam Brewery (Natural Blonde Lager) will have to put up its outstanding Boneshaker IPA, a 65 IBU (international bitterness units) and 7.1% treat that's among Ontario's best. With its caramel and pink grapefruit aroma and light fruit accents in the taste, I think my friend, Cat, who lives around the corner from the brewery would agree that this would be a lovely birthday treat for her. Today. Because it's her birthday! Hey, Cat, go buy six for me. (No, seriously... don't pull that birthday jazz on me. I want them! In some cultures, the birthday people buy the gifts. Let's make our culture THAT culture!)

This 8% coffee, chocolate and dark fruit stout
is a shock-and-awe bomb of deliciousness.

The pick for Wellington Brewery (County Dark Ale) would have to go to their top-notch Imperial Russian Stout, an 8% bomb of coffee aroma with a full-bodied, lightly carbonated chocolate and dark fruit taste. For my money, this is their best beer. The same with Cameron's Brewery (Auburn Ale) and their top-notch Rye Pale Ale, which as the name would indicate is a specialty grain version of an IPA and an outstanding variation to boot. It should have gone in my Best Of... year-end blog because this highly-hopped 6.5% shock rocket with its rye aroma and strong grapefruit taste is one of my all-time favourites. And I couldn't include it in my year-ender because it's the only rye pale ale I've ever tried. A bit unfair. And finally, I thought of cheating when it came to Muskoka Brewery (Twice As Mad Tom IPA - a twice dry-hopped Imperial IPA) and just using their Mad Tom IPA. But again, that would be cheating. I finally had a chance to try their Summer Weiss just before it got yanked from the shelves (it's a summer seasonal) and it was impressive enough to be my choice for this. The usual hints of orange and spice (coriander?) that you expect from a wheat beer - made for a patio! That said, I think this may have replaced the brewery's equally strong Hefe Weissbier. I'll investigate further. It's the least I can do. And it could possibly involve drinking more beer so I win... and society itself wins. How society benefits is a closely-guarded secret. I'd tell you but... *slice across the throat motion*....

♫ Happy birthday to Cat, happy birthday to Cat...
go buy me some Boneshaker, happy birthday to Cat... ♫

Okay, next up... lessee, lessee... well, we have the Lake Of  Bays Mocha Porter, the Flying Monkeys The Chocolate Manifesto Chocolate Milk Stout (gonna go out on a limb and bet it's chocolate-y) and... oh hey... here's a special treat from our friends in Cooperstown, New York... Brewery Ommegang's Game of Thrones' Take The Night Stout, as well as their Hennipen Farmhouse Saison. Plus more IPAs than you can shake a big old gnarly stick at - a few really good ones, an okay one and a disappointing one. What Muskoka Brewery beer that's soon to be released has me pumped?? Why the Steam Whistle brewmaster decided to have a Czech-style pilsner as their sole product... and much more coming up in a few days because I've been slacking so far in 2014. 

Always remember that the oldest written recipe ever discovered was for beer. Even when people couldn't read or write, they knew it was somehow important to mark this recipe down somehow. Probably in animal blood or something equally gross. And finally, there's an American comedian who had created a country singer character called Scuzz Twittly who in this video sings the praises of Pabst Blue Ribbon. Definitely NSFW or if young ears are around. It made me chuckle... but I'm very juvenile. Watch it here at: Scuzz Twittly Loves His PBR if you dare... Okay, folks, that's it, that's all and I am outta here... until next time, I remain...