The Best of 2019: Let's Go To The Hops!

This was pretty much the worst that I saw one of my Flying
Monkeys' Sparklepuff Triple IPAs. It had floaties in it. But
that's it. Because I shrug pretty much everything off, that's
what I did with this. Figured "beer protein" and carried on.

Okay, so Part Two of the Best of 2019 - those hoppy bastards that I know, that I love, that I want to be mine forever. (Women: "What do men really want?" Me: "HOPS!!! Dammit, we want hops!" Also me: "And more Vegas, please!")

But I suppose we have to look at the Hop Elephant in the room first, don't we? Well, we don't have to... but I'm gonna because it was pretty much the Ontario Craft Beer story of 2019. Well, okay, after MPP Sam Oosterhoff's inclusion in a craft brewery owners' picture on the worst possible day but we'll deal with that clusterf**k in another one.

No, today we're gonna look at Flying Monkeys Brewing's Sparklepuff Triple IPA, a beer that certainly divided but most decidedly did not conquer. Quite a... what's that word my grandfather used... ah right, kerfuffle over this one.

My run with this beer is well-known. I went 36-for-36 without a bad one. But my buddy, Steve, from Southern Ontario Beer Boys, well, his second was a nuclear waste disaster.

I remember once, about 30 years old, a friend showing me
a picture of his newborn baby. I thought it was the ugliest
thing I have ever seen. I was wrong. This is even uglier.
And the kid got better looking. Also please don't show me
pictures of a just-born kid with that gooey shit on them.

In fact, it was Steve who first hashtagged it #SparkleChunks and believe me, the name stuck. That's Steve's picture to the left. Let's be frank. It looks like something that would splash the sides of the porcelain bowl after a night of bad sushi.

Anyway, the debate raged. Some people were angry that I kept posting pictures of good ones, pointing out (quite correctly) that I was promoting a product that could be a gut-churning disaster for someone else. Very true. I'll own that. I was caught up in my run of good ones and maybe got a little bit carried away having some fun with it. That's just my nature but it wouldn't be the first time it's rubbed people the wrong way. Won't be the last, either. (Cue The Headstones: "I smile and wave.")

My buddy, Drunk Polkaroo, on the other hand, posted two videos about Sparklepuff. The first was when it was just released and he got a couple of beauties. He sang its praises. The second, about a month later, he got a nasty-bad clunker and had little problem posting a video, decrying the inconsistency issues with the beer. His point? If you pay $5 for a beer, it shouldn't be a crap-shoot. Beer is not a lottery ticket. You deserve a good - and guaranteed - pour every time for five beans. A very legitimate point, yes? Welllll, that didn't stop Flying Monkeys fans from dumping all over him for literally months. They may still be. But the world is full of windmills to tilt at for the angry online warriors so... carry on, my wayward son. (Getting kinda musical all up in here.)

Okay, back to the Best of 2019. Y'all know the rules. #1) No repeat winners. #2) Beers from Ontario only because Shop Locally. And #3) Something, something... Doug Ford probably did something horrible. I can't keep track.

So how was Beyond The Pale's Yummy! North East Pale Ale? Duh,
it says it right in the name. I mean, yeah, as marketing goes, that's
a little too on the money but here's the thing. If I pour a beer into a
Vegas glass, it means two things. One. I don't have a glass from the
brewery. And two, it is worthy. It's basically the Mjolnir of glasses.

Okay, let's get this One Trick Pony started with...

Best Pale Ale: After Session Ales, where I had literally 20 worthy contenders for the crown, this was the next toughest category for me this year. I mean, Ontario craft brewers have their Pale Ale Helmets on, baby! Beyond The Pale Brewing in Ottawa is a very cool set-up. This is not a small place. Set up in an old warehouse in the... Old Warehouse District of our nation's capital, this brewery has (I forgot to count) about seven washrooms, all in the same hallway. That'll give you a pretty clear indication of the anticipated numbers. It's justified. When it was Stop #3 of the Saturday during the Ottawa Craft Brewery Invasion, the place was jammed. Every table taken. But, and this will astound me until the day I die, there was no one sitting at the bar. So we took it over, pretty maids all in a row style (third music reference - Eagles song) but without the pretty or the maids. Disheveled beer guzzlers all in a row? Probably a little more accurate.

It's entirely possible that Stack Brewing and my
man, Danny, may take issue with me referring to
this as a British-Style IPA. But the fact is this beer
has an insane malt-forward taste (I mean, look at
the colour) but a pine back-end that'll kick your
ass. I'll tell you this for free, it's a damn good beer!

Now here's the thing. I think it's more than likely that Ottawa Matty and Joel had included a Yummy! North East Pale Ale in one of my Beer Mails before the Brewery Invasion. I don't know for sure. But I'm thinking that's a strong possibility simply because when I got to BTP, once I saw it in the retail fridge, I was somewhat laser-focused on the idea that Yummy! would be my beverage of the day at this brewery. That would indicate previous exposure. And Holy Frijoles, what a beer. Orange, melon, tropical whatever, this is a fantastic pale ale. Pretty much one of the best ever out there or at least, certainly enjoyed by me. One of those "If you could take three beers to a desert island" beers. A job... so very well done. (Previous winners: Dominion City's Paper Salesman APA, Redline's Clutch APA, Spearhead's Hawaiian Style Pale Ale, Cameron's California Sunshine Pale Ale, Sawdust City's Golden Beach APA, Rainhard's Armed 'N' Citra Pale Ale)

Best British-Style IPA: Okay, before I start, lemme tell you a little story about my beer brother, Danny. We were getting ready for the Huntsville Beer Mail Exchange way back in April. I think Danny felt perhaps outgunned. I have access to the best breweries that the GTA and Hamilton have to offer. The Ottawa boys? Don't even get me started. Danny's in Sudbury and really only had access to Stack Brewing. I think he felt kinda badly about that.

This was absolutely a contender for Best Pale Ale of 2019
but I found another category that I could slot it into. The
history behind Patrick Corrigan's label alone makes it a
cool 2019 story. Everyone in the GTA remembers this show.

None of us gave a right-royal shit. We all basically shrugged and said, "So bring us Stack beers." It's not like there's tons of access to them down here. I may see the odd one. And he did. *Kaaa-ching!* Man, this is one sterling Northern Ontario brewery. One of the beers he brought us was their Stack '72 Imperial IPA. This beast has some serious British roots to it. Deep copper colour, very malty up front. It's like you took a dive into a vat of melted toffee. But (and it comes later rather than sooner) a humongous whack of pine on the back-end. To be certain, it's not unusual for anyone's Imperial IPA to have a stronger malt base. You have to just to balance off the higher hop level. To me, a British-style IPA is one that basically smacks you upside the face with malts but throws a North American element in there, like say, pine, to remind you, "I'm an IPA, dammit." Danny, you just keep bringing me those tasty-ass Stack beers and you stay in my will. Glenn already has dibs on the comic book collection. But you get the seriously killer beer fridge... plus the contents. Ka-ching, indeed. (Previous winners:  Market Brewing Bear Hug IPA, Walkerville's Geronimo, Longslice's Hopsta La Vista, Junction Craft's Engineer.)

It was June 25. I had received a message from Kyle Riddell,
Director of Sales at Cameron's Brewing just down the hill
from me, saying, "Are you around? We have something big
here." I had the day off so I scooted down the hill. It was the
new Jurassic IPA, top left in this Drunk Polkaroo video shot
the exact same day. Polk also drove in to grab some himself.

Best Great Lakes IPA: Okay, I think I started this category four years ago because I was concerned that Great Lakes Brewing with Mike Lackey at the brewing helm was just gonna keep winning Best IPA over and over. At the time, it was a pretty legitimate concern. But now, like I said, four years have passed, others have caught up so this is a wrap for this annual category. And I'm going out with a fun one. Their Electric Circus New England Style Tropical Pale Ale. Yup, not an IPA but just as good as one. Now I'm not sure how far City-TV's reach extends throughout Ontario, much less the rest of the country. But Electric Circus was this Toronto-based dance show that highlighted the newest rap and hip-hop back when the musical genre was just starting in the late-80s, early-90s. I'd throw it on the TV while I was playing with my Game Boy. (And... I'm... old...) Fun show, beautiful host named Monika Deol. Great background music for an hour and a half. So anyway, this beer is an homage to the show, which was something of a pop-culture touchstone for that era. And it is a beauty. Huge orange up front, followed by mango and pineapple. Hazy, 5%, just a big-ass tasty bastard.

So I would be just fine at this brewery as I see
plenty of variety here. So I'm actually not sure
what the point of this cartoon is at all. Really?

But the label by Patrick Corrigan took me back, too. You know, women with the big 80s hair. But there was this one guy on the show. He was like their centre-piece. Buff black guy, humongous smile, wore a cowboy hat, really great dancer and seemed thrilled as shit to be there. I always just called him Happy Cowboy. When I posted the picture of the beer, Troy over at Great Lakes replied, "Dancing Cowboy is Kenrick Pompey, father of Dalton Pompey." Uh, wait, until very recently, Dalton Pompey was an Ontario-born pinch hitter-runner for the Toronto Blue Jays. And I just got a little older... again. I used to watch this kid's father dance (as a young man) with the big-haired 80s ladies while I was playing Tetris. Gawd, pass me the Metamucil. (Previous winners: New England Style Octopus Wants To Fight, Meanwhile Down In Moxie, Thrust! An IPA and Octopus Wants To Fight)

Best West Coast IPA: Sorry, I recognize I get a little long-winded doing these (as in that's a hella long explanation for a GLB pale ale) but it seems every winner has some personal memory or event attached to it. My bad. I'll try to stop doing that.

I was 12 shades of happy this past Summer
when after 22 years, Cameron's released
not one, not two but three IPAs over the
span of two weeks. Finally! Thank you,
brewmaster Jason Britton! You saved me!

So, anyway, completely ignoring everything I just said, here's another personal anecdote. On June 25th, Kyle Riddell, director of sales for Cameron's Brewing just down the hill, messages me to see if I'm around. Got something big here, he tells me. I had the day off so I said hold tight, be right there. Three minutes later, I'm walking through their door. Holy shit, it was bigger than I had anticipated!! Not one but two new IPAs in their fridge. After 22 years of no IPAs, brewmaster Jason Britton finally relented and brewed some up. One was their Evil Genius Session IPA by a separate wing, Skeleton Crew Brewing (we'll get to that further along) and the other was Cameron's Jurassic IPA. For their first ever IPA release, the brewers went full west-coast. Grapefruit, a bit of orange on the nose, big-ass pine on the back end. I had it up on Twitter within milliseconds where my buddy Drunk Polkaroo pretty much instantly spotted it. Again, within the minute Kyle was messaging Polk, asking if he was around. Polk messaged back to say stay put, he'd book off early and head over to the brewery himself. And that's how quickly big news travels in Ontario craft beer circles. By that evening, Polk had his video review of Jurassic IPA on You-Tube. So anyway, that's exactly what Kyle and Polk and I were doing on June 25th. How about you? Anything fun? (Previous winners: Anderson Craft Ales IPA, Beau's Full Time IPA, Nickel Brook Headstock IPA, Flying Monkey's now discontinued Smashbomb Atomic, Big Rig's Alpha Bomb Unfiltered.)

When we arrived at Orleans Brewing Company on
the Friday night, the very first beer Matty and Joel
steered me towards was the Juicy McHazy IPA. Holy
shit, it was some kinda fantastic! It's mostly what I
enjoyed at OBC, where we hung well into the night.

Best New England Style IPA: Way back in the middle of August, a number of us descended upon Ottawa where our buddies, Matty, Joel and Ben, had arranged the Ottawa Craft Brewery Invasion. It was a fantastic two-day session, the bulk of which was held on the Saturday. But the guys had a few breweries lined up for Friday to accommodate those of us who arrived early. Josh Hayter, co-owner of Spearhead Brewing in Kingston and I were the first to arrive in the nation's capital. With others slated to arrive much later (Glenn never takes the A-to-B route, opting instead for 17 stops along the way), Matty and Joel spirited us off to Orleans Brewing Company, literally just down the road from Ben, who pulled Daddy Duty on the Friday night. Once there, we were greeted by owners Celia and Jann Lemieux, both friends of Josh's. Jann ended up spending a good portion of the evening with us, later being replaced at the table by head brewer Adam Marsh. But as soon as we arrived, both Matt and Joel, who know my beer tastes pretty damn well, told me simply, "Get the Juicy McHazy New England IPA, Donny."

Awww yes, my long-time Beer Store Bro Paul,
aka The Big Peezy, dropped into my store with
these beauties, most notably Barncat Artisan
Ales Space Juice Double IPA. Quick question:
Does Barncat actually even make a bad beer?

Well, do I look like the kind of guy who would fall prey to that level of peer pressure? Of course I am. (Actually, a friend once told me to never succumb to peer pressure. So I didn't. I realized afterwards that by listening to him, I actually had.) Brewer Adam's first-ever attempt at a NEIPA, this 6% hazer was pineapple and orange on a soft, oat malt body. Frikkin' delicious. I'd tell you that was the only beer I drank all night, as we never ended up leaving, but the simple truth is they also had Sid's Vicious Imperial IPA on tap so you know, I changed it up a little. From one to the other. It's all about variety, right? But man, a lot of Juicy McHazy came home with me. (Previous winners: Dominion City's Sunsplit IPA, Beyond The Pale's Aromatherapy NEIPA - Ottawa's kinda crushing this category.)

Best Imperial IPA: It's always a pleasure getting together with my Newmarket Beer Store Bro Paul, the Big Peezy. He's always game and in attendance for one of our Craft Brewery Invasions but like Glenn, he does not drive in an A-to-B pattern, opting instead to travel the byways and alternate highways. Oh, he always shows up in the end, a little tardy perhaps but you just know he's stopped at a dozen different breweries along the way. The dude is a Craft Beer Explorer of the first order and you gotta admire that in a person. As well, just like myself, he's been to Las Vegas a number of times and found some Murican beauties down there.

As everyone's favourite Canadian Soldier Boy Hago Vanayan wisely
once said, "If it looks like orange juice, well then, you know it's gonna
be good!" Well, this gift from the Big Peezy looks so much like OJ that
I'm kind of surprised it didn't drive its way to me in a white Bronco.

Well, if the result of Peezy's scattershot craft beer purchasing means I land with a beer as outstanding as Barncat Artisan Ales' Space Juice Double IPA, I'll hand him the keys and pack him a lunch any day. I've only been to Barncat once with Steve from Southern Ontario Beer Boys and Ken Pyper, the Ontario Beer Guy, way back in January. But somehow Peezy, who lives twice as far away from the brewery as me, has been there 92 times, despite the brewery's hours, which feels like they are "Open for 27 minutes on Friday and 53 minutes on Saturday." Okay, not quite that bad but it is a limited window, trust me. But the Space Juice is a hefty 8.2%, pineapple and tropical fruits on the nose, thick, rich back-end that must have come from oat malts or flakes and (this is rare for the New England IPA styles, I find) a wee touch of pine. Just crazy good.

Courtesy of my Beer Bro Glenn comes the Little Beasts
Brewing Kraken Triple IPA. When I opened it, outside as
you can see, the ground shook a little. In the distance, I
heard strange growling noises. A howl rang out. Man, I
gotta lay off the edibles. Anyway, this was pretty insane.

(Previous winners: Left Field Laser Show Vermont Style Imperial IPA, Indie Ale House Cockpuncher, Nickel Brook's Immodest, Innocente Brewing Two Night Stand)

Best Triple IPA: Obviously, this category doesn't pop up every year. The reason? Triple IPAs are unicorns. They show up when they show up, which is so-very-rarely that you often find yourself wondering, "Did I just dream that or was it real?" The reason? They are so heavily hopped up the wazoo that you also need to hammer malt them right in the ying-yang just to balance the flavour. (That's official brewers' jargon, just so you know.) As such, they're a costly endeavour, which are then priced accordingly to offset that. So what I'm saying here is they're an every-once-in-a-blue-moon brewers' vanity project. Because it's there. A mountain to climb. Something like that. Anyway, the best thing about owners Erin and John over at Little Beasts Brewing in Whitby is that they do what they want. Whatever, eh? Decided to make a Triple IPA so they did. Gifted to me by Beer Bro Glenn, their Kraken Triple IPA was just stupid huge. Humongous grapefruit and orange, big west coaster at 10% and 85 IBUs. A seriously resinous and piney back-end beyond belief.

Okay, to be very clear, I went from no IPAs at Cameron's
Brewing down the hill from me in Oakville to three IPAs
in the space of two weeks back in June and July. How does
this happen? Well, it's certainly not because I have lead a
pure and chaste life. At times, even sinners get rewarded.

I truly thank Beer Bro Glenn for getting this beast to me. But even more, I thank brewer Erin for sitting down one day, looking around at their many kettles and simply saying, "Meh, f**k it. Let's do a Triple IPA..." (Previous winner: Dominion City's Needless Luxury IPA.)

Best Triple Play: Usually this goes to the brewery with the best Pale Ale-IPA-Imperial IPA combo but like everything else around here in this annual Westminster Kennel Club Dog Show (Note: Never bet on a Beagle - just trust me on that), it's fluid. Nothing is carved in stone. So, okay, I have explained the significance of June 25th to Cameron's Brewing, myself and Drunk Polkaroo - the day of their first released IPA and Session IPA after 22 years of non-IPA existence. Super huge deal, massive fireworks and repeated singing of "O Canada." But, of course, there's more to the story which, as you should expect from me at this point, there always is.

No one captures Ontario Craft Beer quite like our friend,
Hamilton artist and cartoonist David Buist. Here, he gives
us his rendition of the Skeleton Crew Skull Mobile, which
in actual reality, is a 1966 Cadillac redone as a hearse...

You see, at that exact moment, we realized that Cameron's now had a secondary brewery under the same roof - Skeleton Crew Brewing. As it was explained to me, Skeleton Crew would now brew the less-traditional beers - your various sours, Brett beers, Lambic beers, barrel-aged stuff and, of course, their first-ever New England IPA. (No one actually said the last one - I'm just planting a seed here. I hear they're very popular.) So on June 25th, they released Cameron's Jurassic IPA and Skeleton Crew Evil Genius Session IPA. They weren't done. Two weeks later, Skeleton Crew's Knucklebone IPA was released. From no IPAs to three within a two week span. If that's not a Triple Play worthy of the World Series itself, I don't know what the hell is. (Previous winners: Dominion City's Sunsplit IPA, Fidelis Double IPA and Needless Luxury Triple IPA, Redline's Clutch APA. Air Ride IPA and Double Clutch IIPA, Nickel Brook's Naughty Neighbour APA, Headstock IPA and Immodest IIPA, Collective Arts' State of Mind Session, Rhyme & Reason APA and Ransack The Universe IPA.)

If you didn't think the Muskoka Brewing Hopsonic IPA Mixer Pack was
going to win my favourite mixed-pack of the year, well, you're just a very
special colour of crazy, ain't ya? Six styles of IPA in one single package.
 Does an anvil actually need to drop on your head... like Wile E Coyote?

The Best Mixed Pack: Okay, basically I'm just posting this as a formality because let's face it, anyone who follows me on Twitter could have called this one as the winner a month ago. Basically, it's a Mitch Marner breakaway on an empty net. Rubber's gonna hit the twine.

This is not to say there weren't other great mixers out there. Both Wellington Brewing and Amsterdam Brewing put out some late-year beauties. But the Muskoka Brewing Hopsonic IPA Mixer Pack was a stand-alone stunner. A west coast IPA named Mad Tom, a west-coast Imperial IPA named Twice as Mad Tom, a Brut IPA named Rose Cheeks, a New England IPA named Hazed & Confused, a New England Imperial IPA named Lunar Haze and, undoubtedly, the First Star of the game, a Milkshake IPA named Berry Springer.

"Hey, David, show everyone in the Brew Crew what Daddy was so
excited to buy this year!" That's right, buddy, it's that Muskoka
Hopsonic IPA Mixer Pack. Six IPAs in one pack so no losing here!

Back sometime in the late Summer, I was praising the Hazed & Confused Juicy IPA for being, well, fantastic when my friend, Sarah, at the brewery tweeted that, hop-wise, I hadn't seen anything just yet. She meant this and she was not wrong. Simply phenomenal! (Previous winners: Wellington's Welly Re-Boot Vol 5, Nickel Brook's Mystery Pack, Muskoka Winter Survival Pack 2016, Okanagan Springs' Craft Variety Pack 2015, Muskoka's Hoptorial Mix-Six)

That's a wrap on Part 2 of the Best of 2019 and to be honest, this should have been out days ago. Like last Thursday. The winners were set so I just needed the words to wrap around them. However, a whole big bunch of my Vegas Twitter gang descended on the Golden Nugget late last week for a "group pull" on a single slot machine on Saturday. So from Thursday on, I fell down the Vegas Twitter rabbit-hole of vlogs and tweeting fun provided by a crazy cast of characters. Part 3 and Part 4 will be out very shortly so I can then concentrate on 2020's beers, not to mention 2020's Vegas trips. But Scooby Doo Gang, that's it, that's all and I am outta here. Until next time, I remain...