What's in a name... and the B-Theme

When I learned that Flying Monkeys was to release
their Juicy Ass IPA next month via Twitter, I posted the
above picture and told them I had only one thing to say.

When it was announced on Twitter last week that Flying Monkeys Brewing would be releasing their 2017 Ontario Brewing Awards gold medal winning Juicy Ass IPA in single cans at the LCBO next month, I was both pumped and confused at the same time.

I mean, at the beginning of April, when I visited the brewery with my son, Beer Bud Hago and Barrie Craft Beer Queen Kaitlyn K, we did the tour of the brewery. The young tour guy pointed to a fermenting vat filled with the delicious beer and lamented that it was only available on tap in craft-heavy bars - Rib Eye Jack's Ale House in Burlington had it for a stretch - or at the brewery itself. And why was that?

"Well, there's no way the LCBO would let us get away with that name," he noted bluntly. Which is a shame because as the medal indicates, it's one of the province's top IPAs. So without being a fly on the LCBO's wall, I think we can safely assume the word "ass" was the problem.

Fast-forward a month and the next thing I see is Flying Monkeys saying on Twitter they expect Juicy Ass in the LCBO by mid-June or so. What the deuce, Lois?

In this Mark Wanzel photo taken for the Barrie
Examiner, Andrea Chiodo is shown hoisting their
best known IPA, Smashbomb Atomic. It too got
into some big LCBO label issues early in its run.
The bomb imagery was deemed to be a bit much.

Well, it seems the LCBO didn't have as big a problem with the name as anyone anticipated. But of course, there was still a label to deal with and this is traditionally where brewers run afoul of the government agency. That said, some have slid past, rife with sexual innuendo and somehow gotten the okay. I tell ya, I used to work for the government and I didn't understand it back then, either. It was like every level of Hell blended into a five-storey building.

Of course, Twitter being Twitter, there was a few suggestive *wink wink nudge nudge* label ideas thrown out there. But when Andrea Chiodo, co-owner of Flying Monkeys with husband Peter and the creative director of the whole brewery (right down to the part where she basically designed their entire bar - and much much more), saw the edgier posts, she hopped on quickly to say, "Guys, no. Just no." 

However, she was quick to add with a touch of humour, "Hey, I struggle against sexist brand marketing (and) then our brewers send out a beer to win awards named Juicy Ass. Seriously?" 

But the thing is that Flying Monkeys has never used sexual imagery in the brewery's many beers, opting instead for colourful, creative and almost psychedelic designs, emblazoned with their motto, "Normal is weird." And it has worked very well for them.

Gravy Boat Captain on Twitter thinks this image
of a baby donkey with "wings" would have been
perfect for Juicy Ass IPA. Can't say that I disagree!

They're an Ontario craft giant, a legend. As big as any independently family-owned brewery can get but still with that intimate small craftie feel. Also the bar at the brewery kicks 10 tons of ass. (Ooops, there's that word. My bad.)

But the Twitter post sparked a lot of chit-chat, notably from Gravy Boat Captain, who went with the obvious "donkey" use of the word "ass" for a potential design, which, frankly, was the first thing I thought of, as well. Hey, good enough for Joseph and Mary, right? (They were the couple in front of me on the donkey ride down into the Grand Canyon. Why? Are there other Joseph's and Mary's?) He went as far to post some pretty cool pics of donkeys, including a baby one with Photoshopped wings - as befits the Flying Monkey name. At that point, even the person who does the Twitter posts for the LCBO chimed in, "A donkey would've been quite hilarious."

But all the back-and-forth on the potential label was enough that Andrea finally just posted it, quite likely in a bid just to shut us up... although it's Twitter and no one shuts up ever. "You'll be disappointed, I fear. It had to pass the LCBO social responsibility," she told us. "But it's sophomoric on a different level." So... no donkey with wings? Well, damn.

Andrea said the only issue the LCBO
had with the label is that the artwork
originally had hands holding a hop
under the "J" where the maple leaf
and red lightning bolt now are. They
felt it was suggestive. Beyond that,
there was no real issue with the name.

So I went to Twitter's private messages to talk to Andrea about the (potentially suggestive) name to see if it had kicked up any fuss, either with female patrons or brewery employees. Turns out that... no, it really hasn't.

"No real issue with the name, except that I try to be careful (as) 50% of craft drinkers are women and we have over 50% women employees at our own brewery," she told me. Looking at some of the other craft breweries who have perhaps crossed a line with their labels, she added that "I do look askance at some of those other brands... in the way they portray women on the labels. But to each, their own. They are nowhere near as offensive as Budweiser and Coors Light TV spots."

But she held up high praise for the watchdogs at the liquor store, noting, "Really, we have zero complaints about the LCBO. I think that's one of the main things I'd like to stress. The beer category folks really went to bat for us (over the name). They know that if a beer has a keg or draft following and had won awards under a particular name, it's shooting a craft brewer in the leg to make them change branding. They have really come a long way."

But of course, as a guy who refers to great beers as "tasty-ass" in this space pretty much all the time, I had to know where "juicy ass" came from so, of course, I asked. As she is both a feminist, as well as someone firmly entrenched in the craft beer culture, Andrea told me it was more innocent than you'd think. Actually, it's just industry lingo.

What would happen with Penny on The Big Band Theory
if they sold Flying Monkeys beer at her restaurant? Oh,
let's assume this. "Go ahead, Howard, ask me about my
Juicy Ass one more time. Seriously, I frikkin' dare you!" 

"The name 'Juicy Ass' is just of the brewers' slang descriptors for hops. Juicy. Juicy ass. Dank. Woody. Fruity. Biting. Yeah, these are all starting to sound dirty. The name is actually pretty gender-neutral - hey, we all have asses - and we consciously kept it that way with the design."

In the end, she admitted the name only caused her one regret. "I didn't really consider the poor servers at bars and restaurants - both males and females - who have to put up with all the jabs and suggestive comments (over the name). I'm sure there are many... who make some kind of rude comment."

But Andrea knows life in the hospitality industry trenches all too well. When she graduated from the University of Alabama, she worked in a Florida restaurant called Nick's Crabhouse. As such, she and the other servers had to wear T-Shirts that said, "I got my crabs from Nick's!" Looking back at it now, she had a good laugh. "The male servers wore the same T-Shirts so apparently, Nick got around!" Nick, you filthy man-ho. So there you go, folks. Straight from Andrea herself is the story behind both the beer's name and the eventual label. Beer News doesn't get any fresher than that.

There are three bottles of Beau's Full Time IPA here and
yet not one has a cap on it. That's because I drained two
of them before I even took this picture. I'm happy they're
in focus but frankly the camera has more to do with that
than I do. I'm just the guy who pushes a button. But this
beer? Holy crap, Beau's hit the right notes with this one!

Well, from Barrie, I meant to go to Baysville, Ontario to discuss Lake of Bays Brewing's new products and rebranding. Seriously, (well, as serious as I get) I had a whole B-Theme going on in my head. But it's a significant step forward for Lake of Bays and I am kinda running out of space here so... sorry, next time for sure with a proper amount of space!!! So let's shift instead to Vankleek Hills, Ontario and look at two newbies from Beau's (B-Theme restored!) All-Natural Brewing's and start with their new Full Time IPA.

Jesus Herbert Christ... (What did you think the "H" stood for? Also, a lightning bolt should be smiting me any second so I best be quick here.) This beer is the... BOMB! (More B-Theme!) Beau's absolutely nailed the west coast IPA style with this one! Every beer reviewer I know has been raving about this beer and rightfully so. Using all-organic hops from America and New Zealand, this 6.7%, 60 IBU (international bitterness units) brew has pine and grapefruit on the nose, tons of tropical fruit on the tongue. Best Beau's Brewed! (B-Theme!)

Are we even legally allowed to say that Beau's All Natural
Brewing might have a better Kolsch than Lug-Tread
Lagered Ale? It's kinda of the yard-stick for all Kolsches
in the province. I'm trending on uncharted turf here...

Beer Writing-Videographer Buddy Drunk Polkaroo went nuts for this. You-Tube Beer Reviewing Bro Hago saw my post on Twitter, said he was trying it that night and got back to me with "This was incredible! As soon as I cracked the bottle and put it to my nose, I knew I would love it! Thank you, Beau's!" Simply put, one of... if not the best single IPAs I've had this year!

Moving along, gang... so what's Beau's really best known for? Yeah, that's right, their Lug Tread Lagered Ale. Many villages still hold ceremonies to sing its praises. Asparagus and other useless vegetables are sacrificed at Pagan alters. Songs are sung. You know, that whole routine. So what would happen if they made an even better Kolsch than Lug Tread? Would universes collide? Would matter meet anti-matter, obliterating us all?

Here's the four Nickel Brook beers that won awards at the
Canadian Brewing Awards last weekend in Ottawa. From
left, we have the Uncommon Element Brent Pale Ale
(gold), Immodest Imperial IPA (gold), Raspberry Uber
(bronze) and Ceres Gose (bronze). Quite the sweet haul
for my homeys, probably the best of any Ontario brewery.
(Okay, okay, I didn't count but who has that kind of time?)

Well, if that's the case... Houston, we have a problem. Because I snagged a Beau's Haters Gonna Hate Imperial Kolsch from the LCBO and all I can say is grab more vegetables for the sacrifice. (Start with kale... then add more kale.)

Turns out this beer was originally a mistake. (That's okay, Beau's, so was my younger brother, aka Bastard Boy. Hey, B-Theme!) When they were brewing their first-ever batch of Lug Tread, it accidentally froze. But the damn thing still won "Best of Show" at the Golden Taps Awards in Toronto that year. So they re-created it now and came up with a 7.1%, nicely (lightly) hopped Imperial Kolsch. Got some light citrus and grassiness on the nose followed by a citrus, maltiness on the tongue. It wasn't quite Full Time IPA level but man, this was pretty good.

But here's the thing. When I posted this on Twitter, I said, "I am contractually obligated by Beau's not to say they have a better Kolsch than Lug Tread. They do. But I can't say that. Tasty!" A solid endorsement, somewhat humourous but nonetheless valid, right?

When renowned caricature artist David Buist redid my
Brew Ha Ha picture, I was pretty flattered. I mean, he's
done Drunk Polkaroo and a small handful of other beer
writers so I'm in esteemed company. When I showed it to
a pretty lady at my high school reunion on the weekend,
she said with a sexy voice, "Ohhhh, he made you look like
Sam Elliot!!" Now I'm thinking I may wanna use this on
Tinder, instead. I mean, the ladies really love Sam Elliot

Beau's response was "Haha. Glad you enjoyed it, Don!" Okay, in my Samsung, I have programmed response words. "Haha" is my generic LOL. Basically, I have no response and I don't really wish to continue. "Hahahahaha!" on the other hand, is "Okay, you actually made me laugh." My endorsement was comedy gold. Next time, Beau's, you owe me a Hahahahaha! Just sayin'... and watching. Carefully. *Winky face* (I don't know how to do those on here.)

Okay, moving along to Burlington (B-Theme Alert!), my homeys at Nickel Brook Brewing did me proud last weekend by picking up four awards at the 2017 Canadian Brewing Awards in Ottawa. They snagged gold for Immodest Imperial IPA (not the first time it's won), gold for American Style Brett Beer with Uncommon Element Brett Pale Ale, bronze for Fruit or Field Beer with Ceres Gose (what the hell is a field beer?) and another bronze with Raspberry Uber Berliner Weisse (Beer Bro Glenn's first ever sour!) While Immodest and the Raspberry Uber were created much earlier by Uber-Brewmaster Ryan (Nickel Brooks and Collective Arts brewmaster - so basically Wile E Coyote super-genius level), the Uncommon Element and Ceres came out of their Funk Lab, courtesy of Head Brewer Patrick, in the past year. So I am genuinely thrilled for him to be snagging first-year hardware. I remember him before he had a brewer's beard. Great stuff. But guys and dolls, that's it, that's all and I am outta here. Until next time (with Lake of Bays, for sure!) I remain...

Behind the Lagunitas embargo

This was as dramatic as I could make my photo of my last
Lagunitas IPA. The sun was setting behind it, illuminating
the glass lettering. But it was the sun setting imagery that
I was going for - you know, end of an era and all that shit.

There's taking a hard stand and then there's a less hard stand. The following story straddles the fine line between the two. I'm the guy wearing the open flannel work shirt and black T-Shirt adorned with an Ontario craft brewer logo, holding the sign that says, "Yeah, I'm the guy straddling that fine line."

You see, a few backs back there were more acquisitions of craft brewers by the macros - Wicked Weed Brewing was snatched up by AB-InBev while my beloved Lagunitas Brewing was completely taken over by Heineken. I talked all about it last time.

Now my main man, Drunk Polkaroo, was more than a little incensed by the macro shenanigans, especially because the day after AB-InBev snapped up Wicked Weed, they also froze out craft brewers from using specific South African hops because they had purchased the rights to those as well. The optics on that, happening one day after the other as it did, sucked donkey dick, as political wonks are wont to say.

The skid full of Lagunitas IPA was ordered in error by my
coworker Trey and showed up on my first day of work at a
new Oakville Beer Store I had been transferred to just
before Christmas. Frankly, I took it as an omen. An omen
that said I was meant to drink an entire skid of this beer.

So my man, Polk, wrote a succession of tweets condemning macro for their business practices, saying that buying and supporting "pseudo craft," meaning craft brewers owned now by macros, was "akin to handing them the bullet aimed at craft." In seven straight tweets on May 13, he blasted the macros and anyone making the choice to drink beer now owned by the macros using some pretty damn solid reasoning. It was emotional, it was provocative, it was passionate... it was Drunk Polkaroo at his craft-beer loving finest.

You see, like me, Polk used to chug back the macros back in the day. Usually for the sole purpose of getting blitzed. Taste mattered little. We just wanted the buzz. But at two separate points in time, we both discovered craft beer. Then something strange happened. The guzzling stopped. We started noticing the nuances in these new flavourful beers and began appreciating the taste, instead. It was the damnedest thing. And while I had a couple years' head-start on him, when Polkaroo jumped into the craft beer pond, it was without floaters. He has told us - repeatedly - that he believes craft beer saved his life.

When I broke my Collective Arts' Spiegelau
IPA, replacing it on a Holiday Monday seemed
to be imperative. While there, my son made
sure that they was an extra in the bag for his
Barrie bestie, Hago. You see, right now, Hago
has a Muskoka Brewing glass with my name
on it (not literally - Muskoka's name is on it)
so we had to make sure we had glassware for
him to keep things even. So Hago, we have your
glass still in the super protective bubble-wrap. 

But that's Polk. He is absolutely evangelical about the impact craft beer has had on his life. He lives it, he breathes it, he sings its praises at least thrice daily. That's why he is, in my opinion, the best Craft Beer Ambassador that Ontario has ever seen. He has that fire, that passion. "Raise your glass and your standards, one beer at a time" is his now well-known mantra.

Me? Well, I'm a different kettle of smelly-ass fish. Truly I love my craft beer, especially my Ontario craft beer, but I don't feel guilty about my macro past. My thing is simply, "I used to drink macro. Now I drink craft beer. I like this stuff a lot better." That's as passionate as I get. "I like this more." And I write about craft all the time in this space, which is kind of why I started this. My motto would be, at best, "If this wedding reception doesn't have an open bar, I'm gone. Oh, and are you gonna finish that cake?" It's a little wordy. I'm working on it. If the Latin version is shorter, I'll use that on the family crest.

But the thing is I can't get too indignant about the macros for a pretty obvious reason. I work for the Beer Store, jointly own by Molson's and Labatt with a 2% slice of Sleeman's in there. They pay my cheque. Also, I don't hate them. Hell, I like them. They do their sell-a-ton-of-beer thing; I do my craft beer thing; we all coexist peacefully. The thing is I purchased macro beers for quite literally decades so yeah, they have already made tons of money off me. It's craft beers' turn now. Has been since the Summer of 2013.

The only thing I have ever been evangelical about
craft beer since I started drinking it was this...
Buy Ontario craft beers! Support your locals!

Still, I wanted to directly support my buddy, Polk, in his crusade but not be a complete hypocrite at the same time. Fortunately, we already sell some fine local Ontario craft beer where I work. I walk out of there almost daily with six-packs of the finest IPAs Ontario has to offer, made by notables such as Flying Monkeys, Muskoka, Amsterdam, Collective Arts and now, even my homeboys, Nickel Brook. So I can buy beer at my place of employment (supporting it) but it's craft beers (supporting them). I also pop into the LCBO for the odd new find but even more prefer to visit the breweries myself, often with my son, David, in tow because he loves the shiny vats. I know Polk also prefers the brewery visits above all else, taking his lovely wife, Kat, with him because she, too, likes the shiny vats. And the porters. She loves her porters.

But here's the crux. If there is one thing I have been vocal about in this space, it is this: Buy locally and support your local craft brewer. And that's when I figured out how to support Polkaroo. As you can see above, my Beer Store was delivered a full skid of Lagunitas IPA, which is not local. They're from Petaluma, California. Earlier, I threw myself into the task of making a serious dent into that skid.

While my stance is a little more conciliatory about the
big guys, Polkaroo believes that all macro breweries
operate near this corner. That's why he is the premier
spokesperson for craft beer in Ontario these days...

But every time I walked out of work with a six-pack of Lagunitas IPA, that was $15.50 out of my pocket that could have gone to an Ontario craft brewer, instead. So, to support Polk's protest, the now-Heineken-owned company became my sacrificial lamb. No more Lagunitas IPA! Surprisingly, when I posted that top photo on Twitter, there was some contrary discussion from many of our craft beer loving friends regarding the stand. Was it too stringent? One suggested that, "If you drink a Lagunitas beer every once in a while, I promise you no craft brewery will go out of business because of it." Another noted, "Keep in mind that craft brewers do not go into it to not make money. It's for sale, not for free." All true.

So let's call my protest stand a soft one rather than a hard-line. I will only walk out of my Beer Store with fine Ontario craft products in hand. But I'll still be popping into the LCBO for new products we don't carry. And truthfully, if I see more Lagunitas Maximus Imperial IPA in the liquor store like I did last Summer, yeah, I'm likely to grab one six-pack. I will sample new fare I come across, regardless of its geography but with a sterner eye towards ownership.

Snappin' arseholes, Margaret, this packs a serious hop
punch! At 8.8% and 88 IBUs, Sawdust City's Twin Pines
Double IPA both tickled my taste buds and kicked me in
 the nuts all at the same time. Yeah, worth the nard shot!

I'll take that case-by-case, But first and foremost, Ontario craft breweries get my dough. (Open bar wedding receptions and free cake give me more pocket change.)

Okay, while I was going to write about Lake of Bays Brewing's new line-up and rebranding in this space today, that will have to wait until next time. The reason our friends at the Baysville, Ontario brewery have to get pre-empted for a few days at least is because my former coworker Jay-Dawg dropped a bomb on me last week. Six bombs, actually, all courtesy of Sawdust City Brewing in Gravenhurst.

And what a six-pack it was - two of their Twin Pines Double IPA, an I, The Mountain and the Leprechaun's Flute Imperial Red Ale, an Old Fashioned Dust Up Rustic Pale Ale, a The Princess Wears Girl Pants Muskoka Saison and a Sugar Pants Chocolate Oatmeal Brown Ale.

When I posted a picture of the six brews, it was the
Old Fashioned Dust Up Rustic Pale Ale that my
Newmarket Beer Store brother Paul wanted to hear
about. It was a dandy. Spicy, Belgian and hoppy!!

You see, Jay-Dawg, his brother Jonny (my present coworker), other brother Matt and father John all went up to Gravenhurst last weekend for a Father-Son Golf Excursion... and promptly got rained out. So they did what I would have done - hung out at a craft brewery all day. "It was great," Jonny reported back. "There was live music and awesome beer! It was like a really cool bar!"

But as often is the case in life, their misfortune on the links was my good fortune in the goodie giftbag. So let's look at some of these Sawdust City bad boys, shall we?  That Twin Pines Double IPA already had praise heaped upon it a couple of blogs back when Polk brought me one home (and nine others!) from his Polkapalooza 2017 tour to 50 different Ontario craft breweries during one week in March. (See what I mean about this dude?)

So let's look at the other four - a wide array of styles that will prove conclusively why for a while now, Sawdust City has been in the upper echelon of our Province's best. And why it's on my Summer Must-Visit List.

There's brown ales (meh) and then there's THIS 
brown ale (whoa!) Sawdust City has taken a boring and
staid style and given it a full stout treatment here. Nice.

Okay, my Beer Store brother, Paul, plying his trade up there in Newmarket, wanted the 4-1-1 on the Old Fashioned Dust Up Rustic Pale Ale so let's start there. What happens when a Trappist Ale meets an American west-coast pale ale? This beer. A collaborative effort between Sawdust City and Ottawa's Tooth and Nail Brewing, the collective brewmasters used some Brettanomyces Bruxellensis (think: super funky yeast that's all the rage with these brew boys) to give this 5.3% ale an outstanding cross-section of European spiciness and North American sass due to its subtle notes of citrus and pineapple. Two brilliant brewing minds, one tasty-ass beer.

Moving onto the one that was the biggest surprise to me was their Sugar Pants Chocolate Oatmeal Brown Ale. Okay, if I say "chocolate oatmeal" to any craft beer drinker, their brain goes in exactly one direction: "Must be a stout." About the best thing I can say about brown ales is that they're a step up from pale lagers. So what makes this one different?

A 9% Saison?? Not exactly your light Summer fare. More like a fruity
sledgehammer to the skull.  But I swear on someone else's mother's
grave, this was not a saison that last time I had it. But man, it's hoppy!

Well, what the oat malts add to this 5.3% ale can't be underscored. They give it a hefty body, something to chew on. Throw in the chocolate, which almost gives it a boozier feel, and you have a brown ale I could hand to my craft buddies and say, "No, seriously, I'm not kidding! It's good!" The only mystery behind this beer? What the hell does that "I swear it was your idea!" on the label mean? A mystery befitting the Scooby Gang! (I'll ask when I visit.)

Okay, two big guns to finish this one off and let's start with The Princess Wears Girl Pants Muskoka Saison. The last time I had this beer a couple of years back, I swear to gawd it was either an IPA or a Belgian Pale Ale. I can't remember which. Except I know for sure it was not something called a Muskoka Saison. If the formula has stayed true to form, let's say IPA (Imperial IPA if it was also 9% back then) because this is jacked with Ella, Amarillo and Galaxy hops.

This was the one Jay-Dawg was the most pumped about passing
along to me, knowing my love for red ale and/or hops. Yes,
Sawdust City's I, The Mountain and the Leprechaun Flute
India Red Ale was everything Jay promised and then some. 

Ringing in at a low-for-IPA but high-for-saison IBU (international bitterness units) of 35, this is remarkably easy-drinking for a 9% beer. Zero booziness, light spice and tons of citrus on the nose and tongue, this is the ultimate patio-beer-that-should-never-ever-be-a-patio-beer! Packs a helluva punch. So unless you wanna look like a newborn giraffe, struggling to stand up, share this one. That is, unless you want to be like that pregnant giraffe in upstate New York that inexplicably had people glued to the internet earlier this month. Someone showed me the final video. That baby giraffe dropped like 15 feet to the ground. That's harsh. I wonder if giraffes gather around their laptops, watching breathlessly as Shirley in Buffalo gives birth and then chortle, "The human didn't even hit the ground. Lame." I suspect not. But damn, baby giraffe legs potential aside, this beer is a great one.

As always, I am saving the best for last and geezuz, this was a dilly of a bomb. When Jay handed me the I, The Mountain and the Leprechaun Flute India Red Ale, it was with visible excitement.

Of all the drug-addled comments to
come out of beloved counter-culture
writer Hunter S. Thompson's mouth,
this was the worst. Good people drink
whatever the hell they want. Period.
Thompson drank Stella Artois, for
crying out loud. A good beer, sure,
but nothing that calls for that level
of beer snobbery. Drink what you like

You see, Jay knows I love both a good IPA and a good red ale. But the two style paths seldom cross. This beer not only crosses both paths, it blends them into one single super-highway of kicking my pasty white Irish ass. Briefly "retired" by the brewery a couple of years back, it is back and baby, it is big!! Pouring a deep amber, this 7.5%, roughly 75 IBU rouge monster was berries, a slice of apple and pine on the nose but balanced beautifully on the tongue with oat malts. One of the best beers I have had this year - beginning and end of story. Period. No wonder Jay was so pumped passing it along. Just beautiful...

Okay, before I sign out, let's have one final word on macro beers. The fact is that they will always have a place in my fridge - the bottom shelf, to be specific. That's where I keep my "guest beer." If you're a craft lover, think of it like the carnival. The biggest prizes are on the top shelf, the smallest on the bottom one. But they are there because many of my friends don't drink craft beer. I made my Molson Canadian-loving coworker Gord take a sip of Flying Monkeys Smashbomb Atomic IPA once. His reaction? "That tastes like turpentine!" So I think his beer tastes like water and he thinks mine tastes like a cleaning solvent. Fair enough. I have seen a similar reaction to craft beers on Drink Polkaroo's videos when he invites his whiskey-loving brother, Mike, along for taste tests. His best reaction to one was, "Where the f**k are you getting all these smells from? All I smell is beer!!" 

But the fact is, no matter who lands on the patio at Donny's Bar and Grill, I make sure there's an enjoyable beer waiting for them. If Craft Beer Bros such as Polkaroo, Jay, Jonny, Glenn or Hago stop in, well, there's many little pots of gold on the top shelf, man. For everyone else (and there's a lot more of them), there's free, cold macro beer at the bottom.

It's a crappy cellphone photo, to be sure, but my
buddy, Liam McKenna, left, the brewmaster at
St John's, Newfoundland's YellowBelly Brewing
had a chance meeting with Sawdust City's head
brewer Sam Corbeil at his eastern brewery a
week or so ago. What do head brewers do when
they meet? They drink beers and swap recipes.

In fact, Gord popped in on Holiday Monday. He happily drank Coors Banquet while I enjoyed my Collective Arts' Ransack the Universe IPA on my patio. As usual, we talked about work, women, sports, women, our next cars and then probably women some more. There is no room in my world for judging someone based on the beer they drink. I'd rather judge them for the music they like. That makes more sense.

And the final, final word belongs to my homeboys at Nickel Brook Brewing here in Burlington on Drury Lane. You see, every May, the Beer Store asks for donations to go towards the studying and hopefully curing Leukemia some day. It culminates in the huge Bottle Drive Day on May 27 here in Ontario, with volunteers out front of all stores asking for empties donations. Last year, we collected $1.7 million and now in its 12th year, we're looking to top $15 million raised in total. To that end, now that their products have found their way to the shelves in the Beer Store, Nickel Brook's Events and Communication manager Tory told me they've been collecting empties all month for the cause. But for every empty you donate to Nickel Brook, they match its value, doubling its worth for the drive when they take back empties for Leukemia Week. According to Tory, they have already filled their "first huge bin" with empties. So gang, make your empties worth twice as much - take them to Nickel Brook pronto! And hey, here's a video of Nickel Brook owner John Romano wandering into four hot bistros along James Street North in Hamilton with a TV reporter, watching as chefs use Nickel Brook beer in their recipes. It's right here called: Let Them Eat Beer! Frankly, that looks like the pair did a lot of walking. That's why I'll never buy a FitBit. I know how unfit I am. I don't need a $200 wristwatch reminding me. But guys and dolls, that's it, that's all and I am outta here! Until next time with Lake of Bays goodies, I remain...

Is selling out a glimpse at the future?

It would seem the town of Boonville, California, home of
Anderson Valley Brewing Company, has their own unique
language. It's called Boontling and was created by the
farmers and loggers in the community back in the 1800s.

Well, all anyone in craft beer world could talk about last week was the outright purchase of Wicked Weed Brewing (Asheville, North Carolina) by Anheuser-Busch-InBev, as well as the final purchase of Lagunitas Brewing (Petaluma, California) by Heineken. You see, back in 2015, Heineken bought 50% of Lagunitas for what was believed at the time to be a sum of $1 billion. (Subsequent reports put it at $500 million.) Last week, they bought the other 50%. For all we know, in another two years, they'll buy 50% more. Math is not my strong suit.

We'll get to all that in a moment. I mean, all the angst and outright anger over the purchases by craft beer lovers is certainly something worth investigation. But my problem is, at the exact same time, I was learning a new language so my attention was kind of divided.

This new language, which frankly seems far easier to nail down than Klingon, has a handful of colourful phrases for everyday terms and I had one of those laid upon me recently. The language is called Boontling and was created back in the 1800s by the farmers and loggers in Boonville, California. It sounds like it was basically just made up by the gang two centuries ago for, well, shits and giggles.

As you can see, Boonville, California is not a
large place. That said, their own language of
Boontling has received serious attention from
linguistic experts world-wide. Dare I say that
put them on the map? Granted, they were on it.

As you may recall, a couple days back, I reviewed two beers from Anderson Valley Brewing Company from that very town. It was two of their mild sours called GT Gose and Blood Orange Gose. And then I did what I always do. I sent them some praise on Twitter with a link to the blog. That way, if they're bored, they can pull up the link and one of them can say, "Hey, some guy in Canada wrote about our beers." Then another can ask, "Did he like them?" And the first guy can respond, "Who cares? He's from Canada." As badges of honour go, a mention here is hardly the Purple Heart. It's more like the Orange Lymph Node.

So anyway, after I told them I liked their two Goses, Anderson Valley tweeted back, "Glad to hear it, friend. Bah! Hornin'!" Huh? Did they swear at me? No, quite the opposite, actually. You see, in Boontling, "Bah! Hornin'!" means "Good drinking!" or is simply another way of saying "Cheers!" Well, I'll be damned. The whole town has this crazy language and while only old-timers use it now, Anderson Valley is doing its best to keep it alive. They have separate words and phrases for, you know, gettin' down and nasty, driving, coffee, parties, everything. It's pretty cool.

"Come on in! We make great beers! But if you'd rather have a Heineken,
we can help you out there, too!" When Lagunitas sold off their remaining
50% to Heineken last week, shockwaves were felt through the craft beer
community. So what happens now? Do people still buy their product as
they do make excellent beer? Or do they shun it because it's corporate?

I'll include the brewery's entire Boontling linguistic breakdown at the end for others like me who want to learn a second language but really don't want to put much of an effort into it.

Okay, back to our craft beer sell-outs. Let's start with Lagunitas since I've actually heard of them and am something of a pretty big fan. So when they sold half their stake to Heineken two years ago, I thought it was the worst business purchase I had ever come across. Heineken paid $1 billion for half a company? Or even $500 million? It made even less sense when I checked Lagunitas' sales in 2015. According to the figures I found, Lagunitas sold about $200 million that year.

The sale of Lagunitas has a lot of their fans, which
includes me, feeling blue. Unless this is purple.
I'm not sure, being both colourblind and too lazy
to ask someone. So I may be feeling purple then.

So okay, Lagunitas' owner Tony Magee is doing okay for himself, right? Except that's gross sales. Now let's factor in his overhead. Lessee, two breweries - one in Petaluma, Calfornia, the other in Chicago (opened in June 2014) - the operating costs of those breweries, the costs of paying the hundreds of employees at those breweries, the costs of shipping and transporting their beer across North America, the business taxes on a company with $200 million in sales annually. And so on and so on. That drops that $200 million to a net value on the south side of $50 million. Still a lot of coin, right?

Well, no. Because half that is now Heineken's money. But at $25 million a year, it would take Heineken 40 years to recoup their $1 billion or 20 years if the $500 million price tag is correct. Either way, a helluva long time. And odd. Big conglomerates like Heineken don't become big by doing stupid things. So then, just last week, the second landmine goes off as its announced Heineken has bought up the other 50% stake. For how much? We don't know. But it doesn't matter. Because even if it was for just $1.50 and a pack of gum, they've already dropped $500 million or a $1 billion.

It doesn't really matter if the purchase price
was $500 million or $1 billion. When Tony
Magee sold half of Lagunitas to Heineken in
2015, he could suddenly afford all the bowling
shirts in the world. Actually, it's kinda weird
because I have that shirt, too. But not the cash.

And that's when the light-bulb went off for me. The initial purchase of 50% of Lagunitas was a smoke-screen. It means even though they can't call themselves a "craft brewery" because of foreign ownership, they can still claim some "craft cred" because, "Hey, man, we still have half the company." I strongly suspect there was a "trigger cause" built in to the original deal - buy half in 2015, let the anger die down, retain some indie cred (though severely lessened) and *bam* less than two years later, it's Heineken's company in its entirety. (Keep in mind, this is all conjecture on my part. My knowledge of business deals begins and ends at me handing someone a $5 bill and receiving a cup of coffee and change in return.) As is always the case, it was explained as a "hands-off" deal. Lagunitas continues to make beer their way and Heineken helps them get world-wide distribution which, of course, puts even more dough in Heineken's ledgers and makes that initial $500 million or $1 billion look like pocket change inside the decade.

So as the question in the headline asks: is that selling out or something we're about to see a lot of? Soon, Magee can purchase his (well, Heineken's) product in China, Japan, wherever. His reach is far beyond anywhere it could be had he remained independent. And he has a huge chunk of change burning a hole in his pocket. Isn't the point of building a business to make it profitable? And one of the downsides to being profitable is that suddenly you're more appealing to those larger.

I'll be frank. I learned about Wicked Weed exactly one day before their
purchase by Anheuser-Busch/In-Bev when some of their Pernicious IPA
bottles came back in the empties and I Googled them on my lunch break.

Who among us could turn down a nine or ten figure cheque? Not me.

But there was some interesting backroom purchases going on after Magee got his fat cheque. About a year ago, Magee himself purchased stakes in three smaller breweries - Southend Brewing in Charleston, South Carolina, Independence Brewing in Austin, Texas and Moonlight Brewing in Santa Rose, California. So are they all flying the Heineken flag these days, then? Uh, I don't know how it works for certain but that'd be a pretty safe bet. So now that's three more small local breweries, all now potentially absorbed into something far larger. Brace yourself because I seriously get the feeling we're going to see a whole lot of this in the next decade or so.

My introduction to Asheville, North Carolina's Wicked Weed Brewing
were these bottles that came to the empties a day before their sale to
AB-InBev. Ironically, I had Googled what the word "pernicious" meant
and as it turns out, it means "having a harmful effect, especially in a
gradual or subtle way." You know, like slow poisoning. Hey, just sayin'.

Okay, moving along. I learned who Wicked Weed Brewing was exactly one day before their sale to Anheuser-Busch/InBev (AB-InBev) because some of their product came back in the empties at my Beer Store. So I Googled it because I'm a curious little bastard. But when news of their sale was released the next day, it was like someone dropped a 85-megaton grand piano (that's an odd metaphor, even for me) on the heads of craft beer drinkers in America. I think because Lagunitas was already half-sold-out at that point, the reaction to them was far less virulent than Wicked Weed's reception. The second I heard, I tracked them down on Instagram and, whoa, no one was holding back. They were getting seriously reamed by the former faithfuls.

"Okay," says Drunk Polkaroo, "this one is a big,
boozy bastard. A real slow-sipper!" This You-
Tube still shows Polkaroo doing what he does
best. Preaching the word of Ontario craft beer...

(Well, let's be honest. Due to the nature of social media, we don't know if they were all Wicked Weed faithful or just people who like to yell. It's the Internet. Anyone can howl at the Cyber-Moon.)

Considering Wicked Weeds' annual sales are a fraction of Lagunitas, let's assume this sale was probably in the $25-$40 million range. A drop in the bucket to AB-InBev, which is considered by most craft drinkers to be a far Bigger Badder Wolf than Heineken. Hence the outrage from the Wicked Weed Whackers. But even then, one in every 15 or 20 commentators said the same thing. Words to the effect of "Oh, come on, are you telling me you wouldn't take the cash?" And let's be honest. It's easy to say, "No, I would retain my integrity and not sell out!" when you will never be in the position of being offered that kind of cash.

Which bring me to a conversation surrounding all these brewery sales that I and my beer writing-videographer buddy Drunk Polkaroo had. Now, Polk is a craft beer purist. Lives and breathes Ontario craft beer. Two or three Instagram and Twitter posts every day. Two videos a week. A blog once a week or more. No one in Ontario is putting the kind of time into craft beer writing and exploration as Polk. He is our James Brown, the hard-working man in Ontario Craft Beer Showbiz. It tires me out just watching his enthusiastic efforts every day.

Well, the good name of Nickel Brook Brewing
has been invoked so let's look at some of their
recent offerings, including Duplicitous, their
Citra dry-hopped Gose. This was tasty-ass stuff

We were talking about the purchases and I noted that it would absolutely gut me if my local brewery, Nickel Brook, was bought out. But at the same time, if someone waved a $50 million cheque in front of owner John Romano, how could I resent him for taking it? I mean, the guy has busted his hump getting the brewery going, especially through some incredibly lean times at the beginning. But, Polk asked me, would you still buy Nickel Brook products if they were suddenly owned by Molson's? I had to admit I didn't know. And I mean, I work for the Beer Store, run jointly by Labatt and Molson's. So I should have the least issue of anyone with ownership deals.

And yet, I do. I like Nickel Brook being a little local outfit. Shop locally and all that other stuff I like to yell. Like Polk, I would far prefer the small brewers to maintain their independence forever, if possible. I know the folks who work there. They're a great group of thugs and hooligans and I would very much like it to stay that way. But will that be our craft beer reality for any brewery in general five to 10 years down the road? We don't know. Those two American sales tell us that much at least.

Recognizing it's a truly grey area, Polkaroo did a survey on Twitter, asking this: "Not a simple question: If your favourite craft brewery sold to one of the Big Beer corporations, would you still buy their beer?"

Like most beers being put out by Nickel Brook's
Funk Lab these days, there's gonna be a level of
haziness in the glass. All those Brett yeasts and
such make for a pretty cloudy brew, such as this
Uncommon Element Brett Pale Ale. It's funny.
I wouldn't drink water that hazy but turn it into
beer and suddenly, I'm onboard. Pretty weird...

Of 126 responses, 37% said no, 34% said yes and 29% said not sure. That is one helluva lot closer than I expected the results to go. Basically, it's a three-way split. And me? I was a "not sure" for the record. But clearly the results show us it's a situation that invokes different responses from different craft drinkers. But after a recent story broke that AB-InBev was hoarding South African hops for own craft brewers, blocking their sales to independent brewers, I suspect the nay side might be a little more adamant next time.

Okay, since we have independently-owned and operated (yay!) Nickel Brook in our sights, let's look at some of their newer stuff. I have a chance meeting with Nickel Brook's Funk Lab head brewer Patrick Howell and he was telling me that there will be four new releases in June. Two are packaged and ready to go. All sours, all barrel-aged, all using Brett yeast. The one that jumped out at me was a brown ale barrel-aged with sour cherries. I'll be all over that. (Okay, okay, I'll be all over all of them.)

But while I regularly stop into my locals to replenish my supply of Headstock IPA (always and forever, a favourite), I always cherry-pick a couple of others produced by their now notorious Funk Lab. Tons of sours and beers created using Brettanomyces (funky-ass yeast) are coming out of the Labs and I feel it's my personal obligation to try them. I'm not certain I was always this prone to making sacrifices or if this is a late-in-life calling. Either way, I'm pretty damn noble.

Nickel Brook's Event and Communication Manager Tory holds up a
handful of hops grown in the small garden right in front of the Drury
Lane brewery. In actual fact, they were planted by owner John and
just took off, running from the ground to up to the building's roof.

Okay, let's with their Duplicitous, a Citra Dry-Hopped Gose. Of course, because it was dry-hopped with Citra, one of the most flavourful hops, I was expecting some bitterness from this 4% brew. And yet, even with that dry-hopping, the beer stayed at 0 IBUs (international bitterness units.) The name, which also means deceitful and is often aimed at politicians, should have told me there would be some tricks afoot. Like many Goses, there is certainly a saltiness to it, though mildly so. Tart and lemony would be the most accurate description here, making it a definite must for Summer fun on the patio at Donny's Bar and Grill. While I am really warming up to sours, it's nice to start with the milder styles, such as Goses and Berliner Weisses, before moving up to the mouth-puckering fare. (Seriously, brace yourself before having a Flanders Red. Yowsa!)

Okay, of all of the newbies coming out of the Funk Lab, the biggest hit so far for me is their Uncommon Element Brett Pale Ale. Basically, the gang has started with a west coast pale ale style but used that oddball Brett yeast in the mix. Clocking in at a very sessionable 5.2%, this ups the IBU ante to 32, which is mid-range for a pale ale. I got orange on the nose with that, grapefruit and maybe a bit of pineapple on the tongue. This has made many appearances to my fiefdom and will continue to do so.

Now that Trevor has left for BC, it's up to Nickel
Brook's Tony Cox to fill the void for Ontario's
Sexiest Cellerman. Glenn may not like it but
hey, his guy skipped town. Tony's up to bat now

Like I said, in a few weeks, brewer Patrick has promised a new additions to the Funk Lab repertoire and I will be on their doorstep for each new arrival.

Okay, finally before I go, I have to deal with Beer Bro Glenn out there in Oshawa. You see, he, too, writes a beer blog called IPA Tales. I have no qualms with any of his beer choices and descriptions. In fact, he's usually bang-on the money. However, in Glenn's blog, there are frequent mentions of this young cellarman named Trevor working at Manantler Brewing in Bowmanville. Glenn refers to him as the "world's sexiest cellerman." In fact, Glenn called him that so many times that Trevor up and moved away to BC just to get away from Glenn's persistent and unwanted flirtatious nature. Trevor now plies his trade at Russell Brewing in Surrey, BC, some 4,397 kilometres (2,732 miles) away from Glenn. To my thinking, that leaves a vacancy in the Ontario's Sexiest Cellerman category. So I'm nominating my buddy, Tony Cox, Nickel Brook's cellarman to fill that void. Do I think he's sexy? No, not really but he's totally into Batman so that's enough for me. Frankly, there are some nice women at Nickel Brook that by comparison make Tony look like a, well, dude. That said, the title's taken now, Glenn. Leave poor Trevor alone. To put it in the Boontling vernacular, I think Glenn needs himself an Apple Head. And yes, Tony is gonna kill me when he sees this. But hey, you wanna know how to speak Boontling? It's easy as pie. Check out their crazy words here at: Speaking Boontling In Five Easy Steps! Okay, guys and dolls, that's a Bah! Hornin'! for me and I am outta here. Back in a few days with the new Lake of Bays line-up of beers and other stuff. Until then, I remain...

April was a pretty cool month

Leaf Nation got a huge boost when our rookie-laden
team pushed the league-leading Washington Capitals
(shouldn't that be Capitols - just saying) to six games
in the best-of-seven opening round series. Six games,
all one-goal games, five of them going to overtime.
I think this is just the beginning of something great...

If you read this column anytime during the month of April, you would probably think that just two beer-related things happened. Number one, Don and his son went to Barrie to visit both Beer Buddy Hago and three great craft breweries. And number two, a Lagunitas Brewing glass with weird numerical markings on the side befuddled me for a while. My confusion only exponentially increased as I stared at the glass while continuing to fill it with Lagunitas IPA. If there's an obvious connection, well, hell, I can't see it.

Well, no, much more happened than that. I just got stuck, playing repeat on an excellent day that took three columns to explain. But I mean, let's face it. I once started one of these with a laundromat review. This is how I continually exceed expectations. By setting them so low, there is only one direction to go. Ask any of my past employers. They will verify my strategy.

But many other cool things, both beer-related and otherwise, happened in April and now it's time to look at those. First, I noticed something at the Beer Store that I've never seen prior to this. You see, fans of the Toronto Maple Leafs are a long-suffering group of people. Haven't won a Stanley Cup in 50 years. Brief glimpses of promise during those five decades but nothing ever concrete.

For so many Leafs fans, this was the feeling
around our team for, well, decades. These days,
there is a true sense of optimism as we look to
the future. Finally, our beloved team is for real!

But a few years ago, the Leafs grabbed tough-nosed Brendan Shanahan, making him team president and in the greatest case of larceny ever, then swiped Canadian Men's Hockey gold-winning coach Mike Babcock away from Detroit. Neither of these guys screws around. Ever. If the Leafs won a game 10-0, Babcock would still scowl, "Sloppy in the neutral zone." Both guys are notorious ball-busters who don't cater to the whims of rich athletes. They instantly unloaded a crap-ton of floating, lazy veterans and began to build the team from the bottom up, eyeing the prime rookies and loose scraps from other teams that filled their requirements. The grand rebuild - or the Shanaplan, as it became known - would take four to five years before the team was a true contender, they told us.

It took far less. After finishing in last place (30th overall) in the 2015-16 season, the Leafs went from there to making the playoffs this year, jumping up to 16th place. And in Round One, they faced the toughest team in the entire league - the Washington Capitals who finished first over-all with 118 points.

Hey, Stevil St Evil, who's that wearing the
Maple Leaf ballcap? Is that Chris Evans, you
know, Captain America himself? Why, yes, it
is! And why is he NOT wearing an Ottawa
Senators' cap? Because nobody cares about
your crappy team, that's why. Nuff said, Cap!

And that's when things got a little crazy. Rather than fold like a cheap card table, our collection of kids (14 of our players were born in the 1990s, well more than half the roster and some in the late-90s!) not only held their own but pushed the Caps to six games before bowing out. Five of those six games were overtime. Every game was only won by just one goal. We were completely on even footing with the regular season's top team. Our kids didn't seem to notice or care if they were suddenly down by two goals. They just kept tirelessly shooting the puck until it was tied. These youngsters are a certified hockey explosion whose long-running fuse has just been lit.

And here's where the Beer Store comes in. Probably 95% of our clientele are male. Apparently, many are Leaf fans. How do I know? Because even after our playoff ouster, our customers are still wearing their Leaf gear!! During the series against the Caps, American writers and commentators were tripping over themselves to say, "Holy crap, the Maple Leafs are the real deal this time!!!" And Leaf fans are sensing and truly believing the same thing. This has only just begun. Hell, their future is so bright that even Captain America has to wear shades! Glory days are finally looming for Leaf Nation.

And while the Leafs haven't won anything big just yet (but will sooner than we thought), there were many winners at the recent Ontario Brewing Awards on April 27th that number among my favourites.

Jimmy and John Peat have just two beers in their
Longslice Brewing portfolio and both won at the
recent Ontario Brewing Awards. That's pretty
impressive! Plus they're really great guys so it's
nice when good things happen to good people...

Held in Toronto at someplace I've never heard of called The Great Hall, local brewing heroes, such as Nickel Brook here in Burlington, Collective Arts in Hamilton and Cameron's in Oakville all won awards. And that's not to mention my new Barrie besties such as Barnstormer, Flying Monkeys and Redline Brewhouse, who also all made trips to the award podium.

I will look at their awards scattered throughout upcoming columns because frankly, they're too numerous to mention here. Hell, Cameron's alone won eight! But their new collaborative West Coast IPA with Redline Brewhouse, Going Going Back Back To Cali Cali, was available on May 4th, Star Wars Day, in Barrie at Redline to my Beer Buddies Hago and Shawn. Yet mine won't be available in their Oakville brewery retail (literally down the hill from my Beer Store) until some time in the next two weeks!

So I'm holding their big award news hostage. Yup, Cameron's, when I get my Going Going Back Back To Cali Cali, you get your Award Award Update Update. I ain't playin', homeys. My beer bros are up there in Barrie, posting all over Twitter, jizzing themselves over how awesome this beer is and I'm sitting down here, sadly looking at pictures of this beer when I should be drinking it. That should be incentive enough, I would think. (Commanding Voice of Picard:) Make it so!

And courtesy of his cousin, Jerry Walker, left, my man
Drunk Polkaroo FINALLY nabbed his elusive whale,
Russian River Brewing's Pliny The Elder Imperial
IPA in late April. It was the one BIG beer that had
eluded Polk until this exact moment caught on film.

However, there is one award-winning brewery I will single out this time and that's my boys at Longslice Brewing in Toronto. I first met brothers Jimmy and John Peat, as well as partner Sebastian Lesch at the 2015 Burlington Summer Beer Festival down at Spencer Smith Park. I fell in love instantly with their Hopsta La Vista IPA, which had collected the gold at the 2014 Ontario Brewing Awards for best British Style IPA. Except for a "British" style, trust me, this beer is jacked up the wazoo with UK Admiral, Comet, Cascade and Galena hops. Sturdy malt backbone (not gonna list those - no one except brewers care) in that British stiff upper lip way, yes, but man, it's one tasty-ass, hoppy beer. Contract-brewed at Etobicoke's Cool Brewing, Hopsta was Jimmy's creation. But John chipped in his own recipe for Vienna-style Loose Lips Lager last year and it landed in the LCBOs through the GTA (Greater Toronto Area). And my, my, my, that was a tasty little deep-hued lager.

So what happens at the OBAs? Loose Lips wins silver in the Oktoberfest/Marzen category while Hopsta wins gold again! Now that these brothers are winning awards hand-over-fist, it's time to tell a little story about Longslice. And that's how they won the Best of Festival for Hopsta La Vista at that 2015 Burlington Beer Summer Fest.

When Great Lakes Brewery head brewer Mike Lackey posed for the
cover of The Brewers' Journal, he struck a familiar pose. Yes, he adopted
the look of Gordie Levesque, the cartoon creation of artist Garnett Gerry
and graphic designer Fabian Skidmore. That is totally a hoser pose, eh?

Now, let me start this story by acknowledging the Longslice boys did absolutely nothing untoward. No, they happily manned their tent and as newbies to the Craft Beer Festival circuit, they just had a blast. It might have been me. I struck up an early friendship with the guys on the Friday night and then campaigned steadily on their behalf for the remaining two days of the festival because I liked them and the beer that much. Now when I say "campaign," let's be clear. I mean, I stuffed the shit out of the ballot box. When friends arrived, I took their ballots and wrote in Longslice. Random ballots on the ground? Longslice. Telling other brewers how much I enjoyed their beer and could I have a ballot to vote on their behalf? Longslice. Politics can be a sleazy game.

On April 1st, April Fool's Day, our Prime Minister Justin Trudeau went
on Twitter and posted the picture on the left, noting that Labatt's was
changing the name of its 50 Ale to celebrate Canada's 150th birthday
this year. The next day, Labatt's went on Twitter with the photo on the
right and said, "Uhh, actually, we ARE doing exactly that." Too cool.

It got to the point where I was such a frequent visitor that the nice lady at the booth with the ballot box was giving me the hairy eyeball and I had to start making excuses. I suspect my best was (keeping in mind I was well above the legal blood-alcohol limit), "My Mom is too shy to vote for a beer so this is her's." Granted, she wasn't there but she would be too shy. I know her pretty good.

Okay, in other April news, my Beer Writing Videographer Buddy Drunk Polkaroo finally landed the craft beer whale that has eluded him all this time! That would be Russian River Brewing's (Santa Rosa, California) Pliny The Elder Imperial IPA.

A couple of Anderson Valley Brewing treats from
my favourite beer technician, the incomparable
Kylie at Rib Eye Jack's Ale House in Burlington.

So what did Polk think of the legendary, west coast 8% IIPA? Well, it's easier for him to tell you. And I quote, "A well-balanced beer that could be considered a benchmark for the style. Thank you Jerry (his generous benefactor), it was a joy in my glass!" And then he gave it 4.5 out of 5 points, one of the highest Polk marks I have ever seen. I am so glad one finally landed in his hands. Again, it's the whole "good things happening to good people" axiom. Then again, good things happen to me, too, so I guess that ax(iom) cuts both ways. Go figure.

Well, the word on the street is "the heat is on!" Wait, that's a song. The other word on the street is that this is a beer blog. So perhaps I should write about beer. It's either that or *looks around Donny's Bar and Grill* clean this place. I know, good one, right? The life of a care-free bachelor is far more filled with dust bunnies than Playboy bunnies, that much is certain. And with that, let's look at a couple of recent donations from my favourite beer technician Kylie, she of Rib Eye Jack's Ale House fame.

Well, look at our good friends from Edinburgh, Scotland, joining the west
coast IPA beer trend! Yes, Innis & Gunn recently put out their version of
North American IPA and hey, it's a pretty tasty beer. It's not overly hop-
heavy, tasting more like a session ale. But hey, it's a damn good sessioner.

Now a little while back, Kylie returned from a trip to Arizona where she has family. And when she returns, she always brings a healthy handful of beer treats for the regulars. Well, the ravenous horde of regulars got to her beers before I arrived so she plunked two Anderson Valley Brewing (Boonville, California) brews in front of me. With an apology, if you can believe it. "I'm sorry," she said in all sincerity, "but I had to give you two beers from the same brewery." So if I have this straight, she's apologizing for bringing me two beers from a brewery 2,674 miles (4,303 kilometres) away, a brewery I'll never see? Oh my gawd, lock her up and throw away the key! How does she sleep at night? Meanwhile, I'm just thinking, "Sweet! Free beer!"

Rainy days and Mondays always get me down. And, in
fact, this picture of Elora Brewing's Elora Borealis was
actually taken on a rainy Monday. That said, it certainly
brightened up a dull and dreary day by being quite good

Now as it turns out, both offerings were sours (Kylie is a huge fan of the style), their GT Gose and their Blood Orange Gose. Now both beers are wheat ales that are kettle-soured with lactobacillus and prominently feature sea salt and coriander. Yes, Goses are the only beer style that can actually make you thirstier as you drink them. And to my thinking, they're certainly a milder sour style, much like a Berliner Weisse. The GT and Blood Orange were both 4.2% and remarkably similar as I drank them one after the other. I would give a slight edge to the Blood Orange for that touch of the same on the nose (though virtually identical in colour to the GT) though it went lemon-lime on the tongue very quickly, much like the GT. I enjoyed both (thank you, Kylie, you're a #beerangel) and the boys in the Funk Lab at Nickel Brook make a great one called Duplicitous that I'll look at next time.

Okay, all the way from across the ocean in Edinburgh, Scotland comes Innis & Gunn's first attempt at a North American west-coast style IPA, called simply IPA. Now, as everyone knows, Innis & Gunn lean heavily on cask brewing, meaning simply that wooden barrels play a huge role in their beer-making process.

I met Lee from Elora Brewing at the 2016 Burlington
Winter Beer Festival. I briefly talked about my love of
unfiltered beers whereupon he poured me a full glass
of their Three Fields Unfiltered Triple Grain Lager,
Oh my stars and garters, that was a hazy, grainy brew!

The funny thing is, when Innis & Gunn started out, putting beer in the oak barrels was simply meant to flavour and condition the barrels for a Scottish whiskey maker. It was meant to be poured by the drain afterwards. But some thirsty Scotsman, somewhere along the line, said, "Aye, mates, this dinnae taste so bad. I quite fancy it." So they started bottling and selling it, instead. Proving that great success can occasionally come from not knowing a mistake actually is a mistake. Because their beers are one tasty mistake.

Okay, their IPA, let's go there. At 5.6% and I'm thinking about 50-55 IBUs (international bitterness units), this will not take the top of your head off with hop punch. But while mild, it is extremely flavourful. They dropped Cascade, Centennial and Mardarina hops into the process to give it that west coast appeal. Nothing but citrus (and lots of it) on the nose, this is a pretty easy-drinking (as Polk would say, crushable) IPA. This finishes with resin, citrus and a light floral taste on the tongue. If any barrel was involved here, I'll be damned if I can taste it. Looks like they finally bought a stainless steel vat or two in Edinburgh. Welcome to the 1980s' craft brewing process, Innis & Gunn. Our phones are computers now. But this was a damn good beer that I'll call a solid session brew that I will have again. Nice job. Go rejoice in kilts and eat some haggis for this one.

Am I full yet? Excuse me but does my T-Shirt look
like I'm full yet? We're not up to the shoulders so
I say keep pouring. The T-Shirt never lies. More!

Okay, let's finish this one with a big one, the Elora Brewing's Elora Borealis Citra Pale Ale. Okay, before we start, ten points to Gryffindor for the clever name, a play on the Aurora Borealis, also known as the Northern Lights. That's the colourful and bizarre lighting across the Canadian northern skies late at night that 99.9% of us Canucks have never seen because we don't live even remotely close to the phenomena. But we own that shit anyway because dammit, it's a Canadian thing. And from the pictures, it looks pretty cool.

But back to the beer. I have enjoyed, immensely in both cases, Elora Brewing's Lady Friend IPA and their Three Fields Unfiltered Triple Grain Lager. This was one of those rare cases where a brewery's lager was far hazier than its IPA. Well, throw the Elora Borealis into the mix, too, because this was damn good. Single-hopped, of course, this 5.1%, 30 IBU brew was all citrus on the nose with much more citrus and a touch of grapefruit on the tongue. This is a leading contender for the Single Hopped Ale category that I just invented for my year-end awards, specifically because of this beer. Delicious!

Okay, gang at Cheers, that's it for this go-around but I will be back very soon with the buy-out shenanigans at both Lagunitas Brewing and Wicked Weed Brewing in my next outing a couple of days from now, entitled "Selling Out or Selling Up?" (The jury is still out.) But guys and dolls, that's it, that's all and I am outta here! Until next time, I remain...