Christine's California Collection

Go back many decades and you'll find pictures of me
and Christine back then are remarkable similar. A
pretty lady under my arm and a beer in my hand...

Just to give you an indication of how much of a wine connoisseur I am, when my high school sweetheart Christine was flying into town from Santa Barbara, California at the end of September to visit her family, she asked me what kind of wine my long-time best friend, Dave, drank. She wanted to bring him a California vintage.

Should be no problem, right? Dude's been my bestie since Kindergarten so obviously, I know I'm gonna what the man drinks. So I answered (quite confidently, I might add): "White!" Well, it seems that's a bit of a vague description in wine world. It didn't take too much effort to find out that Dave is partial to Sauvignon Blanc, which quite literally translates to "white grape" but is also a specific type of white grape. Mystery solved... okay, mystery to me anyway.

But since I knew a group of us would be getting together during her visit, I decided to drop a oh-so-subtle hint. "And I'm partial to IPAs, you know, in case you're curious," I messaged. She laughingly assured me that she was well aware of that, having read some of these columns and that I, too, could expect some Cali-Treats. I love it when a hint is just broad enough to be caught.

A long long time ago in a galaxy far far away, this happy trio all
attended the same high school - White Oaks Secondary School.
And so it was that Danny, Dave and Christine all came together
at the end of September at Boston Manor bar in Burlington to
reminisce about the old days, talk of the present and drink a lot.

So that's exactly what she did. But not without a moment or two of lightly-panicked questions. Did the beer have to remain chilled? Would they explode in her luggage down in the cargo-hold? The answers: no and highly unlikely. Beer Bro Stevil St Evil made it here to Burlington from Wellington, New Zealand last Summer on four separate, connecting flights with 11 bombers of IPAs and zero casualties. He may have arrived half-trashed, a medical condition that only worsened once he was transported to Donny's Bar and Grill. But the beer? Hey, it was fine. And even though she was a novice, Chris had on her own clearly learned the Golden Rule of Beer Smuggling when she noted, "Bubble wrap is my new best friend."

With the possible exception of at least one sketchy boyfriend choice in her distant past, she was always a highly intelligent young lady. Now we'll get to the IPAs she brought me from California in a minute because holy crap, nice job! But first we all had to get together.

Christine and Dave at a party in her basement many
years ago during high school. I don't want to say how
long ago this was but you could get a dining room set
at The Brick for $29 back then. We can only imagine
the high-end swag that Dollarama had in those days.

And so it turned out that me, Christine, Dave, his lady, Joann and our long-time high school buddy, Danny, all descended to Burlington's Boston Manor bar on a warm September night. Yes, we were a small group but yet one that was repeatedly told by the bar staff to keep out of the waitresses' way. Is there anything more fun than being chastized by people who are decades younger than you? No, I think not. Giving all their numerous warnings the dutiful concern they warranted (so basically, none), we carried on with our reindeer games.

Being a musician all his life, Danny seemed particularly intrigued with the 11-piece house band, The 905 Band. "These guys are really good," he told me not long after they started. Two or three songs later, he upgraded that to, "Okay, I'm pretty sure these guys are all professional musicians." Oh ho, there was a mystery a-foot... a musical mystery.

It didn't take long to crack that mystery when, during their first break, the trumpet player approached me and said, "Hopedale Beer Store?"

The 905 Band has a horn section in its 11-piece ensemble
and it turns out the trumpet player recognized me from
my Beer Store. Despite all my contributions to society at
large - selfless deeds that have me in perennial contention
for a Nobel Peace Price - it always comes down to Guy
Who Works At The Beer Store. Is there an award for that?

Why, yes, I know the place all too well. And thus, with the ice now broken, Danny jumped in to quiz him. In the end, turns out he was all-too-correct. Not only were they pros, all of them were music teachers. So while they happily chatted away, I was off to the bar to find a beer to my liking. Surveying the taps, I didn't see anything overwhelming so I asked the bartender if they had any craft beer. "Yeah," he said, "we have lots of craft beer! Look here at the taps. Belgian Moon, Granville Island Pale Ale, Creemore Lager! See? Lots!" Okay, then, a beer brewed by Molson's followed by two owned by Molson's. Everyone's definition of "craft" is different, it would seem. In the end, I am fine with Granville Island so I opted for their English Bay Pale Ale while Danny carried the Creemore banner on our behalf.

And so the night rolled on as it always does when even a small crowd of us gathers together... remembering old stories, bringing up new ones, talking family, as well as Danny and I trying to out-quip each other. That usually ends in a tie but truth to tell, his twin brother, Dennis, is funnier than both of us. We don't tell him that and you shouldn't either.

Now THIS is an assortment of some of California's finest IPAs right here!
Christine smuggled me up, from left, a Firestone Walker Double Jack
Double IPA, a Kern River Brewing Shuttle Bunny Double IPA, a Modern
Times Brewing Orderville IPA, a Lost Coast Brewing Indica IPA, an M.
Special Brewing Greatland Special IPA and last but certainly not least,
a Stone IPA. For a wine drinker, she did a pretty amazing job on beers!

I'll round this out with a couple of highlights from our fun night out but looking at my wrist, I see it's Beer O'Clock at Donny's Bar and Grill. Granted, I'm not wearing a watch. I just have "Beer O'Clock" written in ink on my wrist. It's a handy reminder in case I forget to drink some beer. (Stop laughing! It could happen!)

Now of the six beers Christine smuggled me, I have already had two and they are both damn good ones in the Stone IPA and Firestone Walker Double Jack Double IPA. Stone IPA was one of the first beers I had (repeatedly) during my last trip to Las Vegas. Its big brother, Stone Ruination Double IPA, has long been my American favourite.

Taking the blue ribbon from the California Collection
would probably be the Firestone Walker Double Jack
Double IPA. This fanny-banger packs 9.5% firepower
with 85 IBUs of grapefruit, tangerine and tropical fruit
aroma and flavour into the bottle with a solid malt base

And the Firestone Walker (Paso Robles) Double Jack Double IPA was previously gifted to me by both Beer Bro Glenn and Rib Eye Jack Ale House's lovely beer technician Kylie. Of the six in Christine's California Collection, the Double Jack absolutely has the biggest taste and it was a treat to have another. Quick sidebar: Actually, all six beers here are from California, something that was, no doubt, intentional on Christine's part. After all, when someone visits here, I make sure to give them Ontario's best craft beers, knowing they stack up among the finest in North America.

The Kern River Brewing (Kernville) Shuttle Bunny is an Imperial White IPA, meaning both wheat and Belgian yeast, were slipped into this, the Eighth Anniversary version of this recipe. For the White IPA style, this is outstanding. You do get some wheat and spices on the nose, courtesy of the Belgian style, but you also get orange, tropical fruit and a layer of malt on the tongue. At 8.5% and roughly 85 IBUs (international bitterness units), this cloudy off-white beer packs a nice punch. It's a style of IPA (Belgian white) with which I don't have a lot of experience just yet but, of course, I will continue to experiment in that Mad Scientist Likes Drinking way because someone's gotta do it and I'm somewhat insistent that it be me.

The Lost Coast Indica IPA has the funkiest label of the
six brews, hands down. In fact, the brewery has some
great cartoon labels with a nod to Picasso in the art...

The Lost Coast Brewery (Eureka) Indica IPA was pretty damn good. At 6.5% and roughly 75 IBUs, the brewery tosses Columbus, Willamette and Centennial hops into the mix. Deep gold on the pour (perhaps orange, accounting for my colourblindness), this has lots of grapefruit and citrus on the nose followed by more grapefruit, fruit and a slight bitterness on the tongue.

One of the most impressive things about Lost Coast is that in the male-dominated world of craft beer, it was founded by two women, Wendy Pound and Barbara Groom. That might seem like less of a big deal these days but it was established in 1990 when women were virtually invisible on the beer landscape. The label for Indica caused quite a controversy back in 2004 among the East Indian community, given what they felt were disrespectful religious overtones. Eventually, the California Supreme Court struck down the complaint, citing freedom of speech but the brewery nonetheless altered the label slightly to placate the protesters. However, the one thing no one can contest is that this is a pretty solid beer. I've found their 8-Ball Stout up here in the past and it's a big black glass of delicious.

M. Special Brewmaster Josh Ellis pulls a tulip
glass worth from their taps at the brewery.
which was created last September by brothers
Brendan and Emmett Malloy with an assist
from cousin Chris Miller, a craft beer veteran.

Moving on to a much-newer brewery, M. Special Brewery opened last September in Goleta and as such, they have only released 11 beers so far. But Christine managed to find their The Greatland Special IPA in her travels. When they held their three-day Grand Opening at the brewery last September 18-20, The Greatland was already in their stable of six beers, an impressive opening beer count on its own. The brewery, created by brothers Brendan and Emmett Malloy, got a huge solid from their cousin Chris Miller, who hooked them up with award-winning brewer Josh Ellis. Miller knew Ellis through his day job as the co-owner of Local Craft Distribution, which specializes in the distribution of craft beers in that section of California, just north of Los Angeles in the Santa Barbara County.

The beer itself is a pretty nice IPA but certainly a different one. Pouring a copper colour, there's a real grassiness and a bit of pine on the nose while there's a bit of orange and bits of malts and a touch of sweetness. This 7.2% brew must have a low IBU (guessing about 55-60) as it doesn't come off as overly-hoppy, giving it almost a session ale feel. A lot milder but in this group of heavy-weights, it was actually a nice break.

This photo, found on Google+ and taken by Sy
Bernot (cybernaut, get it?), is a beautiful pic of
a really good IPA. It started as a wet-hop IPA
(where hops are used right off the vine rather
than the dried pellet form) but switched to dry
hops shortly after because of delivery issues.

Last up was definitely the best of the four I hadn't previously enjoyed - the Modern Times Beer's Orderville IPA. I was a little curious when I saw the words "dank" and "mosaic" on the label, thinking maybe this was wet-hopped based on the word "dank" alone. In the end, I wasn't far off the mark. This beer started as a wet-hop IPA but switched shortly after to a dry-hopped beer. The problem is early in their San Diego history, a hop distributor told them if they wanted to wet-hop their beers, they had to move quickly. So they ordered a lot of different wet hops that, in the end, all arrived at different times, making it impossible to use them in the same beer. So yes, it was wet-hopped at first using two of the hops and then switched to the far more reliable dry-hop deliveries.

The San Diego brewery, owned by Jacob McKean, which opened in 2013, is as well-known for its specialty coffee as their beer, an interesting combo. As for the Orderville, I wonder if they're using Belgian yeast because it has that slightly spicy tinge to it. That said, if so, it's a mild influence as this 7.2%, 75 IBU is all west coast on the nose, using Mosaic and Simcoe hops to give it a grapefruit and tropical fruit nose with more grapefruit and some pine on the tongue. But also that light touch of spice that had me curious. In the end, a bomb-blast of hoppy fun. So that's a wrap on the beers but not the night we all shared at Boston Manor, which was punctuated with laughs.

 A goofy, no-flash shot taken late in the evening. While this
one was taken by Danny, I had to hold this pose forever
earlier while our new friend, Andrea, tried to figure out
 a not-so-complicated digital camera, owned by Dave. 

When Dave, Joann, Danny and I all arrived at the bar pretty much simultaneously, despite coming from three different direction, Christine was already there. She had struck up a "bar friendship" with the couple beside her because it's nice to talk to someone while you wait. I forget the fellow's name but I remember his lady, Andrea. At one point, we wanted a group shot and handed her Dave's digital camera. Now Andrea was pretty wobbly at this point but hey, it's a digital - point and shoot, right? On a whim, I picked up Christine and held her up high off the ground at the end of the group and waited for the picture to be taken. And waited. And waited. And... well, Andrea could not master the fine art of pushing a button. Not her fault. They're called idiot-proof, not drunk-proof. At a certain point, I finally noted, "It's okay. Take your time. Christine doesn't weigh anything because we're on the moon!" The photo was never taken because of Andrea reasons but truth to tell, Christine weighs the same as she did in high school - maybe 90 pounds soaking wet - so I could wait.

I also noticed something about the way we guys dressed.

That's my new trumpet buddy, background left, from
The 905 Band. The one with, uh, slightly less hair. Great
band that goes heavy on the 1970s-80s rock classic tunes.

While Danny and Dave opt for nice golf shirts these days, I still wear black T-shirts and flannel overshirts, much like I did in high school. Why? Totally Christine's fault. In my Grade 12 yearbook, she wrote, "Don't ever change!" You wouldn't believe how many holes I've sewn up in one black Led Zeppelin T-shirt. The Keep On Truckin' shirt has seen better days, as well. Another shirt may be single-handedly preserving the memory of Foghat many decades too late. It dawns on me now she may not have been talking about clothes. Too late. My sartorial choices have been made.

The final thing is yet another musical mystery and that is, why does Danny defend one-hit-wonders Dexy's Midnight Runners. I mean, what they asked us to do to Eileen alone is cause for concern. Danny counters by calling me a closet Rick Astley fan. I'm not at all but if I was, I'd know he's never gonna give me up, never gonna let me down, never gonna run around and desert me. And in one fell swoop, I have Rick-Rolled all of you. Okay, I've gone through the beers that Christine brought me but I still have the beers that Beer Bro Glenn and co-worker Marie brought me. Now, we can add coworker Jay-Dawg, who just handed me four bombers from Kingston's Stone City Ales. I'll catch up someday. But guys and dolls, that's it, that's all and I am outta here! Until next time, I remain...