Beer Fest hits the "epic" button

With a half-hour to go before noon admittance, there was already a line-up
out front of Rib Eye Jack's Ale House for their annual Beer Fest on
Sunday.  All proceeds from the event went to the Joseph Brant Hospital
Foundation, which, of course, means we were drinking and eating for
charity. Which is a pretty damn noble thing if you ask me (and only me.)

"This is my favourite day of the year!" Jonny Lee exclaimed as I greeted him and his girlfriend Alex at the front door.

Indeed, Sunday, October 23 would be a great day, indeed, for those of us who are incredibly noble and love to give to charity. Now granted, there's two ways to give to charity - in this case, the Joseph Brant Hospital Foundation. You can write a cheque, get a receipt for your donation and wait for the government to slide a little back your way at income tax time.

Or you can buy a $29 ticket to Rib Eye Jack's Ale House's annual Beer Fest and see an immediate return on your charity investment by drinking and eating for free from noon to 4 pm.

Being a philanthropist - a person such as myself who gives selflessly to charity for the simple purpose of graciously helping others - takes on one of two forms. You can slam down great food and some outstanding craft beers for four solid hours. Or you can do it the old-fashioned way and break out the cheque-book. I won't judge you. If you want to wait for the Canadian government to maybe, possibly, (probably not) give you some money back, go nuts... dumbass. To me, drinking while at the same time contributing to charity makes more fiscal sense. Okay, more fun. Small wonder it's Jonny's favourite day of the year. (He, too, is a giver.)

As always, the music was delivered by the talented
"Andrew Hill". I'm putting his name in quotations
because the posters and tickets have it in quotations,
which leads me to wonder... Is this man, in actual fact,
Andrew Hill? Or just a clever, deceptive imposter?
I quizzed him on it and he just smiled. Who this man
actually is may be a secret forever. I think he's a spy.

But the guy who really busted his hump for charity on this beautiful sunny Autumn day would be Rib Eye Jack's general manager Steve, who convinced 14 major (and newer) craft breweries to donate both their time and their beers for the event. Those breweries brought some 55 different beers, as well as one cider. The lone cider was a nice touch but hey, we were there to get our craft beer drink on, baby. Now I'm not lauding praise upon Steve because he's a buddy. No, I'm praising him because he's one of my few friends who's actually doing something positive for the community with his time. And also isn't in jail or on parole. Yeah, sure, he's a certified wine sommelier who's somehow running a craft beer bar but that just shows with hard work and dedication, you can overcome any hurdle. Even wine.

I'm kidding, of course, because knowing a lot about wine is considered impressive in many social circles that don't include me. But the fact is putting this on means getting small breweries to donate their product and people for the cause, which is no small feat for either Steve or Caitlin VanBallegooie, his counterpart at the Streetsville Rib Eye Jacks, who does the same event at her bar every April. (*Double-checks spelling of Caitlin's last name... triple-checks... screw it... if it's wrong, she's the only one in the world who would ever know...*)

The always-smiling Amy from Nickel Brook holds up
a Headstock IPA. She told me, "You should try this one
because I think you'd like it!" The joke there is that
before she shifted positions at the brewery, Amy was
the one filling my growlers with Headstock IPA some
1,357 times (give or take) over the span of a few years.
Amy also slid a Nickel Brook bumper-sticker my way,
noting, "I can't believe you don't already have one."

And let's not forget the staff at Rib Eye Jacks, who spend that four hours, running around, cleaning up after us while the festivities were going on. Because while we're charitable, we are also slobs. And unlike, say, suburban Moms scurrying after toddlers making a mess, these people can't down a box of wine while they do the job. And the food? Whoa. Delicious assortment from the kitchen staff. Hell, I alone am responsible for a goodly portion of some cow, given the amount of roast beef sliders and meatballs I slammed down.

But hey, we're here for the beer so let's jump into the fermenting vats that made the scene. My Burlington homeboys, Nickel Brook, lead the charge, bringing eight different beers (Headstock IPA, Naughty Neighbour Pale Ale, Maple Porter, Brett Pale Ale, 11-05 Saison, Raspberry Uber Berliner, Wet Hop Ale and Cause and Effect Blonde Ale.) Not far behind was my home-away-from-homeboys at Muskoka in Bracebridge, whose rep Vince landed in town with seven different brews (Mad Tom IPA, Twice as Mad Tom Double IPA, Winterweisse Dark Wheat, Kirby's Kolsch, Cream Ale, Harvest Ale and their new Shinnicked Stout.) Between these two of my favourite Ontario breweries, they brought well more than a quarter of the beers available on the day's festivities. See? That's why I relate to these two breweries the most on days like this. They're also givers. Just like me.

"That's it! Event over! It's 4 pm and I'm downing a
brew!" joked Peter, who runs Big Rig Brewing's sale
territory from Kitchener to Mississauga. The Ottawa
brewery is in good hands with Peter down in our turf.

I was also pretty happy to see a couple of newbies there in attendance - Toronto's High Park Brewing, founded in 2014 and Barrie's Redline Brewing, established just last year. I love seeing new brewery faces at these events because, well, they bring new beers. Beers I might love. Beers I might like less. But dammit, beers I will drink regardless! Charity, remember?

Actually, Redline is a brewery whose product I have been very eager to try. My coworker, Jay-Dawg (Jonny's older brother) and I made our way to their table early on because I saw they had brought their Kollision Hoppy Lager (which I've been seeing pop up all over social media) while Jay set his sights on their Clutch Pale Ale. I was telling their man, Dennis, that I was impressed with Barrie as they are well-served by three separate craft breweries (the other two being Barnstormer and craft giant Flying Monkeys) for a population of, what, 130,000 people? "Well, actually," noted Dennis, "We're up to about 155,000 people these days and it's kind of funny because Barrie isn't really a big craft beer town. None of the local bars are carrying much craft beer." Wow, that level of unparalleled beery goodness in such a small area and their bars are resisting it? There's a word for that. Idiotic.

My main man, Vince, from Muskoka, pours me one of
their Shinnicked Stouts, now available in the brewery's
Winter Survival Pack. Vince is Muskoka's sales rep
for Rib Eye Jacks, as well as my Beer Store in Oakville
so I gotta say, this guy gets around in his sweet ride. Oh,
did I forget to mention? He drive the Mad Tom Mobile!

I don't usually review beers from a beer fest because a sample isn't enough to get a decent assessment of any product. You need a full beer to review it because you don't get enough in the way of after-taste (or deep reflection... because obviously my benevolent charity work means I'm deep... and a giver, which I may have previously mentioned) from four or five ounces. That said, I have no problems with giving initial impressions on new brews so hey, Redline's Kollision is a plucky little punk of a lager. Got a nice kick, especially for that style. I also had a chance to try their Clutch American Pale Ale and Hops Across the Pond Belgian Pale Ale and was equally impressed, particularly with the latter. But I missed their Check Engine American Amber and their 501 Golden Ale so I'm thinking a road trip to Barrie is in order. Three craft breweries have done for Barrie what nothing else could - made it a travel destination. When it's not snowing there. Which is always.

And speaking of Flying Monkeys since we're on the subject of Barrie, they got around that whole local-bars-not-being-into-craft-beer thing quite easily. They built their own fully-functional, full-sized bar at the brewery and according to Jay and his lovely lady Cara, who visited it in the Summer, it's pretty damn sweet. Sixteen taps, comfy couches and a very cool vibe, the Dynamic Duo told me. It's Flying Monkeys. I believe them.

Two lovely ladies with two lovely beers. That would be
my former coworker (and Jonny's girlfriend) Alex on
the left while Catherine on the right is the sales rep for
Innis & Gunn, our Scottish friends who make all that
dynamite oak-aged beer. It turns out Alex enjoys their
beers as much as I do. My friend has some good taste.

But since they were here at the Beer Fest, I finally got to try their Deep Tracks American Brown Ale. Now I don't rush into trying a brown ale. Like, ever. One of my least favourite styles. But I had checked the stat sheet on this one and it sounded promising. For starters, it's 45 IBUs (international bitterness units) which is way high for a brown ale and 6.2%, also on the higher side. It lived up to my expectations. Lots of malty caramel but with a real Centennial hop kick. Time to grab a couple at the LCBO and give it a proper test-run. Turns out brown ales may not just be for Civil War re-enactment fans anymore. The American Civil War, I mean... not the Captain America vs Iron Man one. Though in 10 years, I suspect when American high school students are asked which side won, there will be a debate over Marvel characters rather than the North vs the South. Stupid kids. Captain America's side obviously won.

I was pretty happy to see Ottawa's Big Rig Brewing in attendance with both their outstanding Alpha Bomb Unfiltered IPA (a murky, glorious mess of hoppiness) and the newer Midnight Kissed My Cow Chocolate Milk Stout. I had already enjoyed the Midnight stout when Jonny and Alex approached me to sing its praises. "You gotta try it! It's delicious," Jonny raved while Alex added enthusiastically, "They use real Belgian chocolate in it!"

If Great Lakes Brewing had just shown up with
their Canuck Pale Ale and Pompous Ass Pale
Ale, that would have been plenty. But as you see
here, Amy is pouring me their award-winning
Karma Citra IPA so thank you, Great Lakes!!

Indeed, they do and like many beers from this fledgling brewery, they do it very well. In fact, their rep Peter was telling me the Alpha Bomb was supposed to be a one-time deal on the taps at Rib Eye Jacks. But its popularity has made it a repeat performer with the bar's patrons for a few months now. Granted, it's been my go-to IPA since its arrival and that alone could potentially sustain any tap choice at Rib Eye Jacks.

When I visited the booth for newbie High Park Brewing, I assumed it was their Off The Leash IPA I would enjoy the most. But I also knew their Across The Pond Special ESB had won a medal at the Ontario Brewing Award this past Spring. In the end and against all odds, it was actually their 4.5% Against The Grain Golden Lager that I picked as my winner. Grainy (as advertised), nicely malted with a touch of fruit. Dandy little lager.

When I visited my buddy Vince at the Muskoka booth, I had one target in mind - their brand new Shinnicked Stout, now available in their six-can Winter Survival Pack. As it turns out, the word "shinnicked" is cottage-country slang for "that numbing, gasp-for-breath feeling you get when you plunge into a Muskoka lake for a chilly late-night dip in the fall or a walk outside on a -20C winter day." Okay, I wouldn't do either, especially that one about the lake. This city boy would replace "numbing, gasp-for-breath feeling" with "that crazy, out-of-your-mind feeling."

Flannel shirt? Check. Big-ass ginger beard? Check.
Yup, Sleeman's rep Alex brought his Craft A-Game
to the Beer Fest. Here he is, holding up their Railside
Session Ale which is proving to be a hit with customers 
at my Beer Store. We seem to be selling a lot of it now.

But cottage folk are a much tougher breed than me. For my money, huddle in front of that stone fireplace with a blanket and happily sip the 5.2% Shinnicked Stout which uses the Lumberjack beans from the local Muskoka Roastery coffee company. I definitely got the java scent and taste from this coffee-oatmeal stout but not the latter. However, my beer writing bud, Drunk Polkaroo, did a video review of it last week and later assured me that warmth and layering of the oatmeal kicks in about halfway through. Again, that's why it's tough to review beers from a small sample so that Survival Pack will now find its way to Donny's Bar and Grill. The sacrifices I make for the sake of research.

Another new brew I got a chance to try was Amsterdam Brewing's Starke Pilsner. When server Corey poured one for me, he noted that the malts (French Strisselpalt and Czech Saaz) were balanced out with a slight hoppy aftertaste, a description that was pretty much on the money. This is a great and punchy pilsner.

But probably the most entertaining review I got on the day was from Alex and Jonny on the Nickel Brook-Sawdust City 2015 collaborative 11-05 Saison. Their two respective brewmasters Ryan and Sam get together every year to create a new 11-05 offering as they share November 5th as their birthdays.

Side Launch rep Jeff offers up a Mountain
Lager to me which, of course, I eagerly had.
Because that's how charity works, people!

It's also Guy Fawkes Day for historically-minded people who are fans of explosions that never actually went off. Wile E. Coyote comes to mind.

But back to the beer. Jonny excitedly offered up that the Saison has "all the same flavours as (citrus drink) Five-Alive!" While that is exactly right, I'm not sure he and Alex realized the ABV in this beer was also 11.05%. I remember enjoying a couple on my patio in the Spring and when I went to stand up, I had completely lost my land legs. After getting my bearings, I did that awkward walk that slightly-intoxicated people do when they're trying to act sober. I call it Newborn Giraffe Trying To Stand. Damn tasty and also exceptionally potent. And the trick here is you don't taste that high ABV at all in any of the 11-05 beers thus far. These annual beers are like a sniper using a silencer from 500 yards away. The bullet's in you long before before you realize you're shot and frankly, you never heard it coming. Turns out even a saison can also be "silent but deadly."

As an aside, the Brewmaster Birthday Twins will be back at it with a new one in about... *looks at calendar*... one week when they release their fourth 11-05, a Brett-style (a form of "funky" yeast) Belgian Tripel, a style already known for its traditionally-high ABV. So may God have mercy on our wretched souls and yes, pass one my way.

Redline Brewing dude Dennis gets some of that
Kollision Hoppy Lager coming in my direction.
The light behind him makes this all very angelic.
That said, I can't decide whether Dennis looks
like (much younger) Billy Joel or Gord Downie.

So anyway, huge thanks from all of us charity-givers to all the breweries who drove to Burlington to do their part, which, after the already-mentioned, also included Steam Whistle, Creemore, Granville Island, Central City and Mill Street.

As well, a shout-out to The Artist Formerly Known As "Andrew Hill" (and his sick dreads) because while he's damn good and always plays these cool charity Beer Fests every time, those quotation marks around his name make me nervous. Who is this man?

It was truly a great day, a great event and a great charity because let's face it, I'm bound to land face-down in the Joseph Brant Hospital's emergency ward some day. That I've dodged that likely scenario after all these years flies in the face of probability. This was the best Rib Eye Jacks' Beer Fest yet. This is the third one I've enjoyed so frankly, at this point, I've earned my inevitable admittance to Jo Brant, as we call it here in B-Town. I have no idea why I'll land there but I feel it's certain a stomach pump will be involved. Well, perhaps I have something of an idea. Remember: while time heals all wounds, hospitals do it much quicker and with pain-killers. Well, except fatal wounds. They're a bitch.

Stay turned for more beery goodness coming in this space very soon as I look at beers gifted to me by coworker Marie, high school sweetheart Christine, Beer Bro Glenn and a special look at a three-brewery bus trip being organized by one of my favourite Rib Eye Jack's servers, The Tiffers. So back in a couple of days for more fun. But guys and dolls, that's it, that's all and I am outta here. Until next time, I remain...