Wasted away again in Margaritaville...

The quasi-popular LandShark Lager landed in my
Beer Store last week with the delivery from Brick
Brewing. I had never heard of this beer in my life.

The funny thing about Twitter, Instagram and Facebook is this: if you post something you don't know much about, you can be damned sure some of your friends do.

That was the case last week when I received in our Brick Brewing order from our good friends in Waterloo. Sitting among the three pallets of beer was a new one called LandShark Lager.

Of course, I had never heard of this beer when I tweeted a pic but mentioned that I did like the packaging and the name reminded me of a Saturday Night Live skit from the old Chevy Chase/John Belushi days.

As it turns out, this beer is very well known in the United States as it is part of the Margaritaville Beverage empire. That's when Twitter buddies Adam (@TheBrewHead) and Jay-Mac piped in for an educational three-way chat.

Adam: Unless I'm missing something, that's not brewed by Brick.
Me: Yeah, it is now. Says on the packaging something about being brewed by Brick under licensing from Margaritaville Brewing, etc...

Who is Jimmy Buffett and why is he making $100 million
every year? Well, he took a song that was kinda popular
in 1977 and basically turned it into this huge brand...

Jay-Mac: Isn't that Jimmy Buffett's beer? I think I drank some in the airport in Jamaica.
(Revelation #1: I hadn't yet made the connection between Jimmy Buffett and Margaritaville Brewing Corp until Jay-Mac said that. Because I'm a clueless idiot who needs others to shine a million-watt spotlight on a situation before I get it.)
Adam: Well, it's terrible anyway. I had it a couple of years ago in Cape Cod. (Then a little yucky-face icon.)
Me: Hmmm, a 4.6% cerveza-style beer? Can you say Corona 2.0? Pass...
Jay-Mac: Si...

That's when Revelation #2 kicked in. I have never noticed this beer every time I've wandered through singer Jimmy Buffett's Margaritaville restaurant/bar when I've been to Las Vegas, which currently stands at six visits but will increase exponentially when our Canadian dollar strengthens up a little. The bar's right smack-dab in the middle of the strip attached to the Flamingo Casino Resort. Because you can enter on the south end, wander through and exit on the north end, right back on the strip, it makes for an interesting and very colourful side-excursion.

Jimmy Buffett's Margaritaville restaurant/bar right in the
middle of the Las Vegas strip. Because why would you buy
a $4 margarita everywhere else when you can get a $15 one
at this fine establishment? That name has a lot of power.

Hell, I even had a margarita there once while my girlfriend at the time opted for a Pina Colada (which spawned a far worse song than Margaritaville.) I did so just to say I had a margarita at Margaritaville, even though it cost three times more than every comparable margarita on the Vegas Strip.

So before we get to the beer, here's a Reader's Digest primer on singer Jimmy Buffett. Basically, he had one hit in 1977 called Margaritaville but rather than fade into obscurity like, say, Dexy's Midnight Runners or Right Said Fred, he parlayed that name into a booze-and-restaurant empire, netting him $100 million every year. How? Well, quite possibly because the world is filled with idiots like me who pay three times too much for a drink with his name on it. He still plays about 30 concerts a year which are rabidly followed by a huge fan base called Parrot Heads, a play off the Deadheads that follow the Grateful Dead around like stoned lemmings. So the guy, who turns 70 on Christmas Day this year, ain't hurting for scratch. Let's see Rupert Holmes try to replicate that with his heinous "Escape (the Pina Colada Song)" from 1979.

This beer is so light that I'm surprised it's not levitating
the glass off the floor. Just a cleaner version of Corona.

When I was Google-Imaging "Margaritaville, Las Vegas", I saw all sorts of neon references to LandShark Lager I missed so I guess I was too hammered just didn't notice it. I do remember the sign that said, "No passport needed" at the entrance, however, which was good because mine was locked in the hotel room safe. So, of course, in the name of both Science and this column, I felt compelled to try a LandShark myself. How was it? Well, Adam pretty much called it in advance. It was like a slightly cleaner version of Corona, which sports an identical 4.6% ABV. But you know what else is slightly better than Corona? The dishwater in my sink at the moment and perhaps even the sweat off the butts of the Al-Qaeda guys in the desert. Billing itself as an "island style lager", it's actually just another pale lager that the world doesn't need but will likely prove popular on the name alone. Much like Corona. But frankly, if you crave a cerveza-style thin-ass lager, I say stick to Labatt's Brava at $33.50/case rather than this at $42 or Corona at $49. (Wait, what... $49? Did the Mexicans evade Mr Trump's wall and carry that stuff here on their backs?)

The Stone Cali-Belgique IPA is a bit of a cheat in
the White IPA category as it leans heavily on the
"Cali" and not so much on the "Belgique" side.

Well, since I'm already dealing with a beer style of which I am no longer a fan but that I fully acknowledge is also the most popular beer style in North America by sales, why not keep that ball rolling as we look at another style about which I am less than enthusiastic? That would be Belgian or White IPAs. Perhaps as a stand-alone style, they aren't the worst thing ever but up against even half-decent IPAs or Black IPAs, these are the weak cousin incapable of giving you a solid push on a tire-swing. They are the cauliflower of the IPA world in that they won't kill you but wouldn't you much rather eat steak?

Okay, so what are Belgian IPAs? Well, the brewers take some Belgian basics, such as funky European yeasts and spices used in their world-class Dubbels and Tripels, then meld them with some good old North American hops. It should work, right? Two great tastes brought together as one, like chocolate and peanut butter? Not so much. To me, it ends up being more like blending ice cream and cheeseburgers. I like ice cream, I love cheese burgers. But I eat them separately in no particular order because I'm an adult and can start with dessert if I feel like it. Unless my young son is around because he's gets all "proper order" on my ass. I'll don't call him Little Caesar for his love of pizza.

Dr Evil and I have some dispute about the "Belgian"
aspects of Stone Brewing's Cali-Belgique IPA. Let's
face it - it's Stone IPA with a slightly funkier yeast...

Okay, keeping in mind that Beer Advocate calls Belgian IPAs "still very much a style in development," (keep working at it, brewers, call me when you're done) let's look at the few I've had. And we're going to start with Stone Brewing's (Escondido, California) Cali-Belgique IPA. Okay, while the brewer refers this one as simply an IPA, what they did was take Stone IPA and brew a special batch with Belgian yeast. That's pretty much the Belgian IPA formula, right? The thing is this little yeast switch-up did little to change the taste of one of America's best IPAs. Bought as an after-thought when I found a Hamilton LCBO stocked hard with Stone IPA, I drank this in the middle of some of those regular IPAs to see the appreciable difference. There was little to none. The special yeast just seemed to add a little touch of banana before the pine and fruity base wiped that out. I mean, it was 6.9% and 77 IBUs (international bitterness units) so there's not a lot of Muscles from Brussels here.

This is probably much closer to a Belgian IPA
style than the Stone offering, which was much
more All-American with its full-strength IBUs. 

Okay, the Four Surfers of the Apocalypso IPA, made by La Trou du Diable (the devil's hole) out of Shawinigan, Quebec, is a truer White IPA as the brewer has blended a Belgian Wit style with the North American style IPA. To that end, you do get some wheat, as well as orange, on the nose but on the tongue, there's a malty breadiness not normally associated with a traditional IPA. Which, granted, this is not supposed to be. So let's assume this is a far more accurate depiction of a White IPA than Stone's version. At 6.5% and 60 IBUs, it would be considered a gentle IPA at best. But to be frank, the malt-bread combo on the tongue (with admittedly, touches of fruit) is more distracting than tantalizing. My problem here is that I am not a huge fan of Belgian Wits, much preferring the German weisses if I'm going to have a wheat beer. To me, the difference between the German wheats and Belgian ones is night and day. This is probably why I will have to add a Belgian Wit category to my Best of 2016 list. The "wheat" category will always be won by a German hefeweizen-style Canadian wheat over a wit, simply because that's my personal preference. The trick now is to find a Belgian Wit I actually like, which could prove problematic. That said, dammit, you all know I'll search until I find one! I'm very much a trooper that way. All that Boy Scout training as a youth, I suppose.

Oh my stars and garters, this was not a strong
offering from Phillips Brewing, which is a
little surprising. I have had a healthy handful
of great beers from this Victoria, BC brewery.

Which brings us to our final contestant of the day, Phillips Brewing's (Victoria, BC) Electric Unicorn White IPA. Okay, its commercial description calls it "a hop-infused white ale, best enjoyed while riding a mystical mono-horned laser beast, racing through the galaxy to the sonic backdrop of screaming metal guitars. Time to ditch reality and take this India Pale fairy tale for a ride." Wow, sounds like an out-of-control, volume-at-11 Guns N Roses concert in a bottle, right? Uhhh, no... not even close. I would suggest a Rick Astley concert description for this, given its, well, flat-out blandness. I think this is what happens when the brewer leans far too heavily on the Belgian Wit side and not enough on the IPA side. Despite being 6.5% and having an (alleged) IBU of 75, this was exceedingly tame. And not particularly flavourful, to be honest. Little wisps of orange and wheat and that's pretty much it. Not sure where those hops are hiding. I'm not trying to crap on anyone's efforts, mind you, but this... well, it was just not the beer for me. It's gonna happen from time to time. Not all craft beer is automatically geared to my tastes. On occasion, some won't float the boat, so to speak.

Okay, next up, we have a closer look at Old Tomorrow Brewing, as well as some strong examples of other Canadian Pale Ales. What's a CPA? Wait and see. That said, is it just me or does anyone else wish you could choose which brain cells that the alcohol will kill first? That'd wipe out some nasty memories, eh?  And hey, Jimmy Buffett, at $100 million/year, you are like the worst hippie ever! But guys and dolls, that's it, that's all and I am outta here! Until next time, I remain...