More labels, more names, more beer

Is that beer spraying out of the bottle on the
Rainhard Brewing's Kapow! IPA label? No,
it's, it's... good lord, that's flames!!! That's a
Molotov Cocktail!!! Run, people, run away!!!

When we last talked, it was about the creative and fun labels that Great Lakes Brewing in Etobicoke are sporting. And since we're already on the subject, let's keep talking labels for a while longer then, shall we? (You have little choice - this column is run by the autocracy of me! But to my credit, I do try to be a benevolent dictator. Bring me craft beer, I'll spare your life. No Bud Light, thank you.)

Well, someone that did bring me some craft beer recently was Steve, the general manager of Rib Eye Jack's Ale House in Burlington. He was doing one of his keg and bottle runs into Toronto for the bar and knowing he would be stopping at Rainhard's Brewing, a personal favourite of mine, he asked me if I wanted anything, as they're a brewery retail outlet only. I suggested any new releases they had that I could review here but if not, their Kapow! IPA and Armed 'N' Citra Pale Ale are always welcome at Donny's Bar and Grill.

He returned with both but I noticed something different about the bottle of Kapow! It had a proper label. The last time I got one, it had just the Rainhard logo on the bottle with the Kapow! name and description on a roped dog-tag. Indeed, the brewery's previous actual labels were very simple in themselves - brewery logo in the middle, beer name up top, beer style and info along the bottom. I never really thought too much about it because I am neither an artist nor a graphic designer. If the beer's good, the label could be a giant X for all I care.

According to Steve, Rainhard Brewing founder and brewer
Jordan Rainhard and his wife Katie, are "two of the nicest
people I've ever met." But in fairness, keep in mind that
Steve probably meets a lot of people like me so it's tough

On the Kapow! label you can see a hand hoisting up the beer. But what was that, coming out of the bottle? Beer froth from a drinker that got... over-excited? So we took it under a brighter light and had a look. It took a second of guessing before we realized the imagery was that of a Molotov Cocktail. "I always thought it was like a *kapow* to the tastebuds," mused Steve, who hadn't considered an incendiary device. Well, because we have far too much time on our hands, we started thinking about some of the brewery's other "threatening" names. A pale ale named Armed 'N Citra - is this beer packing heat? A barrel-aged sour ale called Horseshoes and Hand Grenades - the only two items in the world where being close is close enough. An imperial IPA called Refuge - a place you would seek shelter if threatened or endangered. And IPA called The Ancedote - something you'd need if poisoned. And let's not forget their Imperial IPA called Asystole - the word for when your heart flat-lines.

So, of course, I had to ask Steve what the hell is going on at that brewery? Some sort of rebel revolution? Dissidents ready to stir up anarchy? A Guy Fawkes faction-in-the-making?

This is what Rainhard Brewing's labels were
traditionally like - beer name, logo and then
beer description at the bottom. Kapow! is the
first label that I've seen with a design upgrade.

Steve laughed out loud. Well, no, the best even a top-flight comedian could get from Steve is a bemused chuckle. I got one of those. He assured me that Rainhard Brewing founder/brewer Jordan Rainhard and his wife, Katie were the salt-of-the-earth, fun-loving, easy-going, happy-to-be-brewing kind of folks. And in their brewing stable are much softer names, such as Setting Sun and Hearts Collide so there's that, too. But mark my words, Rainhard Brewing, I will be watching your beer names very carefully. If I see more labels insinuating any sort of wrong-doing, I will be... knocking on the door to see if I can join the club. You've been warned. I'll bring beer.

In related news, coworker Jay-Dawg and I split that bottle of Armed 'N Citra as he is our store's huge pale ale guy. His verdict? "This is amazing!" So much the same as mine back in the Summer.

In unrelated news, I met a couple of reps from Muskoka Brewing not long ago at my Beer Store, who were popping in to restock us with their popular Craft Lager as we had run out. This is the first time I had ever met a Muskoka rep outside of Beer Fests because the bigger craft companies' (such as Flying Monkeys, Collective Arts, Wellington) beer traditionally comes to us every second Monday from our own Brampton Beer Store warehouse. Once we met, it was time to talk shop. Craft beer shop.

Take some Muskoka Winter Beard Double
Chocolate Cranberry Stout and age it for a
year in a bourbon barrel and what do you get?
You get a Stout Stiffie, that's what you get. Oh
 yes and that's curling on TV in the background. 
Welcome to Canada. We like to sweep ice here.

They told me that the brewers had created a special batch of their seasonal Winter Beard Imperial Stout (previously reviewed and highly recommended here) but that this particular batch was bourbon-barrel-aged and being sold in traditional 355-ml (12 ounce) bottles. They added a two-four of this would run you just north of $80 but it's 9%, been aged for a year and frankly, bourbon barrels don't just land at a brewery's doorstep for free, right? Pricey but worth it. Also, I'll happily spend $40 on a party pizza but won't go higher than $15 for a top-quality dress shirt because... priorities. I asked them the name of this elixir of the gods but the poor guys - it was on the tip of their tongues but they were both drawing blanks. They shouldn't feel badly. Within 17 seconds of being introduced, I had forgotten their names, too so in my head, they simply became Left Guy and Right Guy. (But they remembered mine so when they left, it was "See you, Don" and I was all "See you... uh, dudes.")

Well, turn out Rib Eye Steve knew the beer's name was Winter Jack, partially due to the fact his bar was stocking it. Which made it ridiculously easy for me to stalk it. Because it's a goosed-up Winter Beard, that means it's a double chocolate cranberry stout. Now while you could detect a light note of cranberry in the Winter Beard, I thought the bourbon barrel aging of the Winter Jack virtually knocked the fruit essence out. Steve could still taste it; I couldn't.

Now is Belgian Moon, made by Molson's,
actually Rickard's White, our country's
biggest-selling wheat? Well, here's the
thing. I couldn't tell. Damn those Belgian-
style wheat. They all taste the same to me!

(As well as being a beer expert, Steve is a wine sommelier. His tastes are very refined. My palate in a nutshell? Pizza and craft beer? Good. Vegetables? Satan's harvest.) However, what's been added makes this 9% booze-blast very freakin' tasty! Bourbon and chocolate on both the nose and tongue, the smoothness and tingle of the bourbon lingers for a while. So, in essence, Muskoka has found a way to take something excellent - Winter Beard - and make it even better. The Muskoka brewers get the full 1980s teen movie slow clap for this one.

Recently, Jay-Dawg and I brought a special guest to Rib Eye Jack's - my Beer Store daughter Katie. Now Katie was actually my daughter long before I got her a job at the Beer Store as I dated her best friend's Mom almost a decade ago. Katie was a constant and chatty presence in that house and we have been tight ever since. As well as seeing each other at work, she sends me texts on all the big days - birthdays, Christmas and, yes, especially Father's Day. She has two favourite things to say to me. The first is "I love you, Pops", which is, of course, very sweet and endearing. The second, always yelled at high volume, is "Stop flirting, old man! So gross!" whenever she sees me talking to a pretty customer. Less endearing. The parent is supposed to embarrass the child. She has turned the tables on me.

So now, my little girl who favours Miller Genuine Draft, is in a restaurant that has the best craft beer selection in all of Burlington. What to drink?

I always give credit where credit is due
and Budweiser did it right at Christmas.
My Facebook was littered with pictures
of Ugly Christmas Sweater Parties over
the holidays. The problem is, who wants
to shell out $50-60 for a butt-ugly sweater
you'll only wear once? So Labatt made it
easy by putting a free "Festive T-Shirt"
in each case of Bud. It was suitably ugly!

Well, she started with a Heineken, which is a small step up from MGD but before long, my favourite beer technician, the lovely Kylie stepped in and suggested wheats, a mild Summer style that's not gonna kill a mainstream beer drinker. So first, Katie tried a Belgian Moon, the new offering from Molson's and then a Blanche Du Chambly, another wheat from outstanding Quebec brewery, Unibroue. Well, Katie loved them both so I think we can steer her onto new and better beers safely.

While there, she talked nursing with Kylie, who's a RN taking updated courses while my little girl is still in school. Jay and Kylie talked quitting smoking - my beer tech has a two-month head-start so she's the perfect person to encourage Jay. And Kylie and I discussed... can't remember but beer would be a solid guess. We had a great time. Katie declared Rib Eye Jack's to be "so chill" and Kylie as "so smart and cool." If that's not a perfect review on Yelp, I don't know what is.

But I had forgotten that Rib Eye Jack's recently got Belgian Moon on tap and I have been long promising to compare it to Rickard's White, the biggest-selling wheat in Canada, as both are made by Molson's. However, as always in my life, there was a catch. Belgian Moon is only available on tap at this point. Rickard's White? In bottles and cans at every Beer Store but seldom on tap. Obviously, this couldn't be a side-by-side comparison. So I had to improvise by buying a Rickard's White, drinking it out of a coffee traveller mug in the parking lot of the bowling alley next to Rib Eye Jack's (because what I was doing is very much illegal) and then walked over a big snowbank into the bar and told Kylie I needed to try a half of Belgian Moon. "No, you don't," was her learned reply.

Actually, it's not really a shameless plug as once
again I am reminding you that the Burlington
Winter Beer Festival at the Holiday Inn (North
Service Road, just east of Guelph Line) will be held
on January 29-30. We're talking 23 craft breweries,
five wineries and four cider houses under one roof,
sheltered from the bitter cold. You really can't lose.

So are they the same beer or are they different? Well, here's the thing - I don't know. Belgian wheats pretty much all taste the same to me - touch of orange, very light. The far superior German wheats are distinctly unique from one another. Certainly, it's a decent wheat as is Rickard's White, my brother's favourite beer when he visits Canada from Valencia, Spain. Whether it's a different beer is almost irrelevant. It will be popular and big gun Molson has a craft-style beer on taps.

Okay, people, listen up! The second annual Burlington Winter Beer Festival is upon us and it's coming this Friday and Saturday, January 29-30. There's 23 great craft breweries there, as well as five wineries and four cider houses, all for just $20! You can't get a better deal than that! "Downtown" Wayne Brown and his team of craft-loving fools always do these Beer Fests very right so dammit, be there! (I'll link to the tickets at the end.) Gonna be wild, gonna be crazy, gonna be the Festrunk Brothers but with beer! Just do it!

Last column, I talked about the awesome labels created for Great Lakes Brewing in Etobicoke by the talented team of artist Garnett Gerry and their graphics designer Fabian Skidmore. Quite a talented pair.

Turns out once you get past the overwhelming shyness
of Great Lake Brewery's Graphic Designer Fabian
Skidmore, he really comes out of his shell. Or if you
prefer another approach, hand him a beer. Also works. 

The problem is I concentrated completely on artist Garnett, which underscores Fabian's importance in the process. He's the brewery's King Graphic Designer, the number one gun, you name it. I talked to him on Twitter, explaining that Garnett had been evasive on whether or not he was also Batman. Fabian told me that not only does he have some seriously sweet gadgets, he also has a cave-like cellar underneath the Only Cafe in Toronto where he's the manager. Thus we surmised that Fabian must be the Batman while Garnett was the Robin of the Dynamic Duo. (Sorry, dude.) I stopped short of asking Fabian how the Winter driving was going now that we've had a taste of snow because I seriously didn't want to hear, "Well, I skid more."

So this column is dedicated to Fabian and all the other passionate GLB brew crew as I raise my glass of Great Lakes... *looks at label*... oh, um, Collective Arts' Ransack the Universe IPA to him and his Batcave and his cool gadgets. Also to the less passionate GLB workers. That's right, Todd, you slack-ass bastard, we're all looking at you. (If there actually is a Todd there, I just made the poor guy's life a living hell.) So guys and dolls, that's it, that's all and I am outta here. Back in a few days with a look at colourblindness and how it relates to Black IPAs versus White IPAs. (Spoiler alert: it doesn't. Not even a little.) And tickets to that Burlington Beer Festival can be found right: HERE, CRAFT BEER LOVERS! Until a few days from now, I remain...