More labels, more names, more beer

Is that beer spraying out of the bottle on the
Rainhard Brewing's Kapow! IPA label? No,
it's, it's... good lord, that's flames!!! That's a
Molotov Cocktail!!! Run, people, run away!!!

When we last talked, it was about the creative and fun labels that Great Lakes Brewing in Etobicoke are sporting. And since we're already on the subject, let's keep talking labels for a while longer then, shall we? (You have little choice - this column is run by the autocracy of me! But to my credit, I do try to be a benevolent dictator. Bring me craft beer, I'll spare your life. No Bud Light, thank you.)

Well, someone that did bring me some craft beer recently was Steve, the general manager of Rib Eye Jack's Ale House in Burlington. He was doing one of his keg and bottle runs into Toronto for the bar and knowing he would be stopping at Rainhard's Brewing, a personal favourite of mine, he asked me if I wanted anything, as they're a brewery retail outlet only. I suggested any new releases they had that I could review here but if not, their Kapow! IPA and Armed 'N' Citra Pale Ale are always welcome at Donny's Bar and Grill.

He returned with both but I noticed something different about the bottle of Kapow! It had a proper label. The last time I got one, it had just the Rainhard logo on the bottle with the Kapow! name and description on a roped dog-tag. Indeed, the brewery's previous actual labels were very simple in themselves - brewery logo in the middle, beer name up top, beer style and info along the bottom. I never really thought too much about it because I am neither an artist nor a graphic designer. If the beer's good, the label could be a giant X for all I care.

According to Steve, Rainhard Brewing founder and brewer
Jordan Rainhard and his wife Katie, are "two of the nicest
people I've ever met." But in fairness, keep in mind that
Steve probably meets a lot of people like me so it's tough

On the Kapow! label you can see a hand hoisting up the beer. But what was that, coming out of the bottle? Beer froth from a drinker that got... over-excited? So we took it under a brighter light and had a look. It took a second of guessing before we realized the imagery was that of a Molotov Cocktail. "I always thought it was like a *kapow* to the tastebuds," mused Steve, who hadn't considered an incendiary device. Well, because we have far too much time on our hands, we started thinking about some of the brewery's other "threatening" names. A pale ale named Armed 'N Citra - is this beer packing heat? A barrel-aged sour ale called Horseshoes and Hand Grenades - the only two items in the world where being close is close enough. An imperial IPA called Refuge - a place you would seek shelter if threatened or endangered. And IPA called The Ancedote - something you'd need if poisoned. And let's not forget their Imperial IPA called Asystole - the word for when your heart flat-lines.

So, of course, I had to ask Steve what the hell is going on at that brewery? Some sort of rebel revolution? Dissidents ready to stir up anarchy? A Guy Fawkes faction-in-the-making?

This is what Rainhard Brewing's labels were
traditionally like - beer name, logo and then
beer description at the bottom. Kapow! is the
first label that I've seen with a design upgrade.

Steve laughed out loud. Well, no, the best even a top-flight comedian could get from Steve is a bemused chuckle. I got one of those. He assured me that Rainhard Brewing founder/brewer Jordan Rainhard and his wife, Katie were the salt-of-the-earth, fun-loving, easy-going, happy-to-be-brewing kind of folks. And in their brewing stable are much softer names, such as Setting Sun and Hearts Collide so there's that, too. But mark my words, Rainhard Brewing, I will be watching your beer names very carefully. If I see more labels insinuating any sort of wrong-doing, I will be... knocking on the door to see if I can join the club. You've been warned. I'll bring beer.

In related news, coworker Jay-Dawg and I split that bottle of Armed 'N Citra as he is our store's huge pale ale guy. His verdict? "This is amazing!" So much the same as mine back in the Summer.

In unrelated news, I met a couple of reps from Muskoka Brewing not long ago at my Beer Store, who were popping in to restock us with their popular Craft Lager as we had run out. This is the first time I had ever met a Muskoka rep outside of Beer Fests because the bigger craft companies' (such as Flying Monkeys, Collective Arts, Wellington) beer traditionally comes to us every second Monday from our own Brampton Beer Store warehouse. Once we met, it was time to talk shop. Craft beer shop.

Take some Muskoka Winter Beard Double
Chocolate Cranberry Stout and age it for a
year in a bourbon barrel and what do you get?
You get a Stout Stiffie, that's what you get. Oh
 yes and that's curling on TV in the background. 
Welcome to Canada. We like to sweep ice here.

They told me that the brewers had created a special batch of their seasonal Winter Beard Imperial Stout (previously reviewed and highly recommended here) but that this particular batch was bourbon-barrel-aged and being sold in traditional 355-ml (12 ounce) bottles. They added a two-four of this would run you just north of $80 but it's 9%, been aged for a year and frankly, bourbon barrels don't just land at a brewery's doorstep for free, right? Pricey but worth it. Also, I'll happily spend $40 on a party pizza but won't go higher than $15 for a top-quality dress shirt because... priorities. I asked them the name of this elixir of the gods but the poor guys - it was on the tip of their tongues but they were both drawing blanks. They shouldn't feel badly. Within 17 seconds of being introduced, I had forgotten their names, too so in my head, they simply became Left Guy and Right Guy. (But they remembered mine so when they left, it was "See you, Don" and I was all "See you... uh, dudes.")

Well, turn out Rib Eye Steve knew the beer's name was Winter Jack, partially due to the fact his bar was stocking it. Which made it ridiculously easy for me to stalk it. Because it's a goosed-up Winter Beard, that means it's a double chocolate cranberry stout. Now while you could detect a light note of cranberry in the Winter Beard, I thought the bourbon barrel aging of the Winter Jack virtually knocked the fruit essence out. Steve could still taste it; I couldn't.

Now is Belgian Moon, made by Molson's,
actually Rickard's White, our country's
biggest-selling wheat? Well, here's the
thing. I couldn't tell. Damn those Belgian-
style wheat. They all taste the same to me!

(As well as being a beer expert, Steve is a wine sommelier. His tastes are very refined. My palate in a nutshell? Pizza and craft beer? Good. Vegetables? Satan's harvest.) However, what's been added makes this 9% booze-blast very freakin' tasty! Bourbon and chocolate on both the nose and tongue, the smoothness and tingle of the bourbon lingers for a while. So, in essence, Muskoka has found a way to take something excellent - Winter Beard - and make it even better. The Muskoka brewers get the full 1980s teen movie slow clap for this one.

Recently, Jay-Dawg and I brought a special guest to Rib Eye Jack's - my Beer Store daughter Katie. Now Katie was actually my daughter long before I got her a job at the Beer Store as I dated her best friend's Mom almost a decade ago. Katie was a constant and chatty presence in that house and we have been tight ever since. As well as seeing each other at work, she sends me texts on all the big days - birthdays, Christmas and, yes, especially Father's Day. She has two favourite things to say to me. The first is "I love you, Pops", which is, of course, very sweet and endearing. The second, always yelled at high volume, is "Stop flirting, old man! So gross!" whenever she sees me talking to a pretty customer. Less endearing. The parent is supposed to embarrass the child. She has turned the tables on me.

So now, my little girl who favours Miller Genuine Draft, is in a restaurant that has the best craft beer selection in all of Burlington. What to drink?

I always give credit where credit is due
and Budweiser did it right at Christmas.
My Facebook was littered with pictures
of Ugly Christmas Sweater Parties over
the holidays. The problem is, who wants
to shell out $50-60 for a butt-ugly sweater
you'll only wear once? So Labatt made it
easy by putting a free "Festive T-Shirt"
in each case of Bud. It was suitably ugly!

Well, she started with a Heineken, which is a small step up from MGD but before long, my favourite beer technician, the lovely Kylie stepped in and suggested wheats, a mild Summer style that's not gonna kill a mainstream beer drinker. So first, Katie tried a Belgian Moon, the new offering from Molson's and then a Blanche Du Chambly, another wheat from outstanding Quebec brewery, Unibroue. Well, Katie loved them both so I think we can steer her onto new and better beers safely.

While there, she talked nursing with Kylie, who's a RN taking updated courses while my little girl is still in school. Jay and Kylie talked quitting smoking - my beer tech has a two-month head-start so she's the perfect person to encourage Jay. And Kylie and I discussed... can't remember but beer would be a solid guess. We had a great time. Katie declared Rib Eye Jack's to be "so chill" and Kylie as "so smart and cool." If that's not a perfect review on Yelp, I don't know what is.

But I had forgotten that Rib Eye Jack's recently got Belgian Moon on tap and I have been long promising to compare it to Rickard's White, the biggest-selling wheat in Canada, as both are made by Molson's. However, as always in my life, there was a catch. Belgian Moon is only available on tap at this point. Rickard's White? In bottles and cans at every Beer Store but seldom on tap. Obviously, this couldn't be a side-by-side comparison. So I had to improvise by buying a Rickard's White, drinking it out of a coffee traveller mug in the parking lot of the bowling alley next to Rib Eye Jack's (because what I was doing is very much illegal) and then walked over a big snowbank into the bar and told Kylie I needed to try a half of Belgian Moon. "No, you don't," was her learned reply.

Actually, it's not really a shameless plug as once
again I am reminding you that the Burlington
Winter Beer Festival at the Holiday Inn (North
Service Road, just east of Guelph Line) will be held
on January 29-30. We're talking 23 craft breweries,
five wineries and four cider houses under one roof,
sheltered from the bitter cold. You really can't lose.

So are they the same beer or are they different? Well, here's the thing - I don't know. Belgian wheats pretty much all taste the same to me - touch of orange, very light. The far superior German wheats are distinctly unique from one another. Certainly, it's a decent wheat as is Rickard's White, my brother's favourite beer when he visits Canada from Valencia, Spain. Whether it's a different beer is almost irrelevant. It will be popular and big gun Molson has a craft-style beer on taps.

Okay, people, listen up! The second annual Burlington Winter Beer Festival is upon us and it's coming this Friday and Saturday, January 29-30. There's 23 great craft breweries there, as well as five wineries and four cider houses, all for just $20! You can't get a better deal than that! "Downtown" Wayne Brown and his team of craft-loving fools always do these Beer Fests very right so dammit, be there! (I'll link to the tickets at the end.) Gonna be wild, gonna be crazy, gonna be the Festrunk Brothers but with beer! Just do it!

Last column, I talked about the awesome labels created for Great Lakes Brewing in Etobicoke by the talented team of artist Garnett Gerry and their graphics designer Fabian Skidmore. Quite a talented pair.

Turns out once you get past the overwhelming shyness
of Great Lake Brewery's Graphic Designer Fabian
Skidmore, he really comes out of his shell. Or if you
prefer another approach, hand him a beer. Also works. 

The problem is I concentrated completely on artist Garnett, which underscores Fabian's importance in the process. He's the brewery's King Graphic Designer, the number one gun, you name it. I talked to him on Twitter, explaining that Garnett had been evasive on whether or not he was also Batman. Fabian told me that not only does he have some seriously sweet gadgets, he also has a cave-like cellar underneath the Only Cafe in Toronto where he's the manager. Thus we surmised that Fabian must be the Batman while Garnett was the Robin of the Dynamic Duo. (Sorry, dude.) I stopped short of asking Fabian how the Winter driving was going now that we've had a taste of snow because I seriously didn't want to hear, "Well, I skid more."

So this column is dedicated to Fabian and all the other passionate GLB brew crew as I raise my glass of Great Lakes... *looks at label*... oh, um, Collective Arts' Ransack the Universe IPA to him and his Batcave and his cool gadgets. Also to the less passionate GLB workers. That's right, Todd, you slack-ass bastard, we're all looking at you. (If there actually is a Todd there, I just made the poor guy's life a living hell.) So guys and dolls, that's it, that's all and I am outta here. Back in a few days with a look at colourblindness and how it relates to Black IPAs versus White IPAs. (Spoiler alert: it doesn't. Not even a little.) And tickets to that Burlington Beer Festival can be found right: HERE, CRAFT BEER LOVERS! Until a few days from now, I remain...

The art wizardry of Great Lakes' labels

The man behind all those kick-ass Great Lakes
Brewing labels is artist Garnett Gerry, who in
tandem with the GLB graphic designer gave the
Toronto brewery's beers some real creativity
 to go along with their brews' outstanding taste. 
Also he is sporting a righteous Beard to 'Stache
 ratio so 100 points to Gryffindor for that alone.

Harken back, if you will, to the year 1989. A kinder, gentler time where Mr Mom (Michael Keaton) could play Batman and where Jack Nicholson could be the Joker. At a certain point in the movie, Batman and the luscious Vicky Vale escape the clutches of the evil villain through the use of a Bat Grappling Hook aimed upwards at a conveniently-open skylight, thus leaving the Joker flat-footed to ponder, "Where does he get those wonderful toys?"

I bring this up for two reasons. Reason #1) I'm not saying I'm Batman... but I sometimes sign my credit card receipts using that name. And Reason #2), Every time I see a Great Lakes Brewing product, I found myself pondering, "Who draws these wonderful labels?"

I found out not long after I wrote my "Best of 2015" column and included GLB's Maniacal Hopshop IPA as the Best Label of the Year. (The brewery's Octopus Wants To Fight won the Best IPA, though Maniacal was in the mix.)

A kindly dude on Twitter named Josh read my "Best Of" piece and tweeted, "Hey, just wanted to let you know that the very talented @garnettgerry does the artwork for @GreatLakesBeer." Okay, cool, now I had a name. A simple matter of Google, Twitter and Facebook navigation would give me the story of the man behind those cool labels.

Garnett's sketchpad drawing of the Great Lake's
Maniacal Hopshop IPA label gives you a sense
of his eye for detail and awesome cartoon style.

And I found it easily - an exceptionally well-written NOW magazine story from July 2014 penned by their gifted spirits columnist Sarah Parniak told the story of how Garnett hooked up with Great Lakes. (Part two of the same story was how Collective Arts use different artwork on every label, given their strong connection to the art and music community. They must literally have hundreds of different ones because I've had tons of Rhyme & Reason Extra Pale Ale, Ransack The Universe IPA and State of Mind Session IPA and have never come across the same label twice. Could be a fluke but...)

But Parniak's story tells of how GLB's graphic designer Fabian Skidmore was doing a day shift as the manager at Toronto watering hole, the Only Cafe. Skidmore had been long hoping to rebrand the GLB beers, feeling the product inside the bottles had far surpassed the labeling on the outside. He mentioned his marketing mission to Garnett, an Only regular "seldom seen without his sketchpad." One day later, Garnett showed back up with a healthy handful of sketches for GLB's various products. *Bam!* went the universe and Garnett's work has appeared on most of GLB's products since.

This one always cracks me up. An uppercrust
British man, nose in the air, for their Pompous
Ass English Pale Ale in a proper tulip glass...

In Parniak's piece, it told of how (at least in the Summer of 2014) the GLB team of Skidmore, Sales and Community Manager Troy Burtch and GLB's Sales Rep and Branding David Bieman all used to get together over pints to try brewmaster Mike Lackey's beers and then after much deliberation (and let's assume, many pints because that's how the creative process works) come up with a name for their new beers. That name was fed to Garnett who then went to work with his sketchpad. More often than not, the artist nailed it on the first go-round.

Two Winters ago - so 2014, not long after the article - I was messaging my young friend, Mel, the Toronto Craft Beer Queen and we were raving over the very cool painted label on the Great Lake's 650-ml (22 ounces) bottle of Lake Effects IPA, as well as the dynamite beer, which has quickly become my coworker Jay-Dawg's new favourite. What Mel and I didn't know at that time was that it was a Garnett first try that hit a home run and by that I mean, Toronto Blue Jay bat-hammer Jose Bautista-style.

Asked to pick his favourite GLB label thus far,
Garnett Gerry went with the Saison Dupump,
a pumpkin-flavoured saison. Okay, cool choice.

And even back in 2014, Garnett was getting stopped by fans in the Toronto streets. It totally blew him away. "This is something I do half-naked and drunk in my room," he jokingly told Parniak. I can scarcely imagine the reception he gets now, two years further in, with dozens of GLB labels under his graphite-stained belt.

But the artist, who hasn't even reached 30 yet, is likely to just get better and even more prominent on the Toronto arts landscape, whether it be GLB or outside work. He told Parniak, "Drawing was always something I did that mellowed me out." Apparently, he never even realized how good he was until his friends repeatedly pointed it out to him. (I love that.)

So through the magic of Facebook messaging, I tracked this gifted artist down and asked for a bit of personal background. And I got it. (To paraphrase the Joker, where were these wonderful search engine tools when I was a working journalist/editor for 25 years?)

Garnett told me he was born and raised in Windsor but when he was 19 years old, he moved to London to attend Fanshawe College "in prospects for being an actor." Okay, so the one job in Canada that pays even less than being an artist or writing a beer column. Gotcha. He now works in Toronto construction, "building high-rise condos Monday through Friday."

Garnett's label for The Imperial Bout, an
Imperial Vanilla Bean Coffee Stout for
GLB won raves from Stevil St Evil in New
Zealand. "Cool label!" he crowed. I had
the beer. Geez, it's as good the label! Now I
knew that was a coffee bean on the right but
I had NO idea how vanilla is grown. Turns
out it's vanilla orchids that grow on vines...

 Are there any on the lake? Sorry, bad Toronto joke there.

"(But it's) on my lunch break, after work or any free time at all, I'm drawing for GLB or just for shits and giggles." (Warning: I have had the Shits and Giggles - it's not nearly as fun as it sounds.)

But then, I went for the Sophie's Choice of all hard questions for an artist to answer. Actually, make that toughest one by far for any artist to answer. "Which GLB label that you've drawn is your favourite so far?" The Sophie's Choice aspect is it's a lot like saying, "Which label will you save and which labels will you hand over to the Nazis?" Okay, maybe a little less dramatic and Meryl Streepy than that but still a tough call for any artist to make.

While Garnett was likely reluctant, he did answer, "My favourite (label) is tough to say but maybe Saison Dupump." Okay, that label was another first draft accepted on the spot by GLB back in '14. But he had no problem naming his favourite GLB beer to drink: Thrust: An IPA, for which he also did the label. Okay, good damn choice there! It was one of my four finalists for IPA Of The Year... along with three other Great Lakes' IPAs so they were kind of a lock.

Beyond doing the GLB labels, he told me, "I have shown and sold paintings and wood burnings all over Ontario and some have ended up in other countries like Ireland." (My Irish Wexford County roots are smiling... Garnett is like one of us! But probably less drinky and punchy and Northern Ireland car bomby.)

Garnett's label for Swamp Juice, a concoction
the brewery creates for bar taps. The beer is
always a mixture of three GLB brews but as
the anchor every time is their Canuck Pale Ale

For my money, the biggest test of Garnett's skills thus far was the rebranding of the Canuck Pale Ale label more than a year ago. Previously called Crazy Canuck Pale Ale, it is the brewery's anchor beer. However, the former label was a mish-mash of Canadian iconic and somewhat cliche imagery that included a loon, a toque and many, many maple leaves. It wasn't a bad label, mind you, just a busy one. It certainly jumped out on the LCBO shelves, which is, of course, what marketers strive for.

So Garnett got the call for something new and in return, he dipped into his artistic well for something old - Gordie Levesque, a lumberjack that he had been doodling for years. Yes, still a Canadian cliche but one that gave the cans a cleaner look and, in turn, created a new character for the brewery that already had Garnett-created characters such as Harry Porter, Audrey Hopburn and Robohop. Because the marketing squad infuses tons of humour on the back of their labels in an effort to match the imagery on the front, the Harry Porter and the Bourbon-Soaked Vanilla Bean threw this plea on the back of the label. "To Whom It May Concern: Please don't sue us! Cheers! ~ Team GLB." On the front is a very Dumbledore-looking character stirring a cauldron. (Spoiler Alert: Professor Snape kills him but according to my young son, "It's not Snape's fault.")

In order to rebrand their signature pale ale, GLB
called upon Garnett who created rugged lumberjack
Gordie Levesque earlier but repurposed him for the
new GLB Canuck Pale Ale cans. We like Gordie...

Okay, we'll get back to Garnett in a minute but let's look at some of GLB's latest suds and give them a shout-out too. For Christmas, my buddy, Rib Eye Jack's Ale House's general manager Steve gave me a couple of Life Sentences Triple IPA (a truly fantastic collaboration between GLB and Amsterdam Brewing that I had gushed over in this space several times like a British school-girl meeting One Direction) but he also tossed The Imperial Bout, an Imperial Vanilla Bean Coffee Stout into the gift-bag. I had it yesterday and good gawd, was it dynamite. This 11.9%, 60 IBU (international bitterness units) blockbuster was hugely vanilla on the nose, richly coffee and bittersweet chocolate on the tongue. Pouring with a dark mocha head, the hoppiness is pretty much muted by the rich taste in the beer. You do not start with this beer. You finish with this beer because it will likely finish you first. Granted, I had to chip away at the wax over the cap for about 10 minutes before I could even open it. I think Beer Bro Glenn had the same issue. Ease up on the crockpot wax, guys - it's classy and all but you're not sending a sealed royal decree to King Arthur here. From there, let's look at GLB's Winter Ale, the spiced seasonal classic cranked out by the brewery.

When GLB put the call out on Twitter for their fans to
show their dedication to the brewery, GLB fan Cecilia
McKnight send them a pic of her Karma Citra IPA
tattoo, another Garnett classic.  I will say this for the
young artist, his work is turning up in very cool places.

Despite having two bottles of it in the fridge at Donny's Bar and Grill, my first taste was actually off the GLB tap at Rib Eye Jack's where it's holding the brewery's place until Swamp Juice #21 arrives. The dark brew has some lovely spices on the nose and tongue but I couldn't tell which. That's probably due to my spice proficiency being limited to salt, pepper, garlic salt, onion salt and steak seasoning. Go beyond that and I'm screwed. Turns out, according to the commercial description, it's cinnamon and ginger with a touch of honey (didn't get that at all) and orange peel. Knowing this when I opened the bottle at home, I could sense them a little better. Not nearly as heavy as The Imperial Bout, this 6.2% ale certainly has its charms. Beyond the spices, there is a caramel backbone to this beer. Now granted, we are a little eager to go through the 20-litre (5.28 US gallons) keg as quickly as possible at Rib Eye Jack's. Why? Because Steve collected a Swamp Juice #21 late last week and this time, it's a mixture of Canuck, Lake Effects and, be still, my heart, Life Sentence IIIPA. Although it will be extremely difficult to top Swamp Juice #19 that combined Canuck, Lake Effects and Thrust, anticipate a "best Swamp Juice ever!" story in this space soon. I gotta keg of Winter Ale to drain first, single-handedly if I must. (Not exactly torture as it's a damn tasty ale.)

Garnett Gerry poses with GLB Graphic Designer
Fabian Skidmore for that July 2014 piece in NOW
magazine, skillfully penned by Sarah Parniak.

But I'm gonna leave the final word on Garnett to writer Sarah Parniak since I've already liberally poached from her piece (in rap, that's called "sampling") and frankly, she says it better and far more eloquently than I could. Wrote Sarah: "GLB's beers run the gamut of styles but playfulness is the common ingredient in all its label art. Gerry helps bring the beers to life, giving them faces, personalities and, most importantly, a sense of humour." Amen, sistah! I would have just said that he is the best beer label artist in this country and that I worship at his cartoon beer label altar. Her prose is better.

Okay, folks, just 11 days before the Burlington Winter Beer Fest at the Burlington Holiday Inn on January 29-30. I'll be bringing a sharpie on the Saturday to sign the casts of the feet I trample on and break to get to the breweries first on Friday. (It's a service I provide.) There's 23 great craft breweries there, as well as five wineries and four cider houses, all for just $20!! Wayne Brown and his merry gang of outlaws had been working hard on this baby, which will warm of the coldest of appendages now that Winter has come to Westeros... and, by extension, Burlington. You can find your online tickets right at: This Link Here!!! But guys and dolls, that's it, that's all and I am outta here! Until next time, I remain...

Taking the chill out of Winter

"Resistance is futile," warned Seven of Nine in
Star Trek: Voyager. Okay, here's a real quick
question, Seven. Who the hell is resisting you?

"Change is the only constant in life." The man who first spoke those prophetic words was Heraclitus of Ephesus, a Greek philosopher who lived from 535 BC to 475 BC. And if the last 2,500 years have been any indication, good ol' Heraclitus was on the money. Also, please stop laughing at his name and no, I have no idea if that was named after him, though it's most unlikely... as he was a dude.

Think you can stop change? Then let me drop another truth bomb on you. "Resistance is futile!" That was uttered more recently (well, actually in the future) by The Borg, a fictional alien race first introduced in Star Trek: The Next Generation. The Borg were various species that had been turned into cybernetic organisms, functioning as drones in a large joined mind known as the Collective. So basically, they were bad guy sorta robots all linked into one big-ass brain. They were nasty enough antagonists, I suppose, even assimilating Captain Jean Luc Picard at one point, dastardly robot cult that they were. But there were other bad guys far more interesting. It wasn't until Star Trek: Voyager came along and we were introduced to the alluring Seven of Nine that we fan-boys sat up slack-jawed and yelled in unison. "Okay, we're onboard with The Borg! All hail The Borg! Love us some Borgs!"

The Dynamic Duo! Wayne Brown, left, and Scott Robinson are
the co-organizers of ALL of the Burlington Beer Festivals so
far - number four is coming up fast! Asked how they keep their
boyish good looks, the pair simply shrugged and said, "Beer!"

Now what does ancient Greek or future Borg philosophy have to do with the Burlington Beer Festival? (That is, aside from the fact a geek buddy bet me I couldn't work a picture of Seven of Nine into a beer blog? Was it seamless? No. Do I win a six of Mad Tom IPA? I'd better.) Anyway, change has come. It was inevitable. And yes, resistance is futile. Let's start with the upcoming Winter Beer Festival on January 29-30, which has shifted from the Waterfront Hotel at the foot of Brant Street and Lakeshore (right next to Spencer Smith Park, where the Summer Beer Fest is held) to the Burlington Holiday Inn on the South Service Road (off Harvester, just east of Guelph Line.) So there we go - a change of venue. Naturally, I asked co-organizer Wayne Brown why.

"We were at the Waterfront Hotel last Winter (and there were) some very nice people there. But it was just not large enough. The Holiday Inn has quite a bit more space for us." Okay, good point because as nice as the Waterfront is, it was close quarters, indeed. You circled the room within 15 minutes or so and instantly thought, "Oh geez, I just circled the room. Now what?"

The muddy aftermath of the half-hour monsoon on
the Sunday of the 2015 Burlington Beer Festival made
navigating around the puddles impossible afterwards.

Okay, fair warning, the next change is a little more contentious but the 2016 Burlington Summer Best Festival will also be held at the Holiday Inn rather than the lush, green and spacious Spencer Smith Park right beside Lake Ontario. So why would they move a Summer Beer Fest indoors? Well, let's just say Mother Nature can be a bitch. According to Wayne, "The weather seems to always be a problem - too hot, too wet, you name it. The move indoors takes the weather out of play." He added, if the weather cooperates, the hotel has a large outdoor patio that will be open, complete with live music. While I understand there will be opposition to the indoor switch, I had been to the last two Summer Beer Fests so I also understand where he's coming from. In 2014, I went on the Saturday and it pissed down rain all day. Granted, that didn't stop me because, well, rain... who cares? But Saturday is a beer fest's cash cow day and the attending breweries were probably less than thrilled at the far-lower-than-anticipated crowds in the fest's inaugural year. Because of the rain, the walk-in crowd for that day was non-existent. The 2015 Beer Fest faced similar problems. The day-time temperatures of Saturday and Sunday weren't just high - they were like Africa-hot. It was scorching.

I got a thumbs-up from this musician at the
2015 Summer Beer Fest at Spencer Smith
Park. Will the shift to the Holiday Inn also
get a thumbs-up from beer lovers? Time will
only tell. The Fest organizers are hoping so.

While I personally don't follow the credo, "If you can't stand the heat, stay out of the Beer Fest," again the walk-in crowds evaporated as people huddled in their homes in front of their air conditioners. The city had actually issued heat alerts for those days, urging residents, particularly seniors, to stay indoors. And let's not forget the half-hour monsoon that hit late in the afternoon on Sunday where it was literally raining sideways. It was like Mother Nature set her Super-Soaker on machine-gun mode.

So as someone who drunkenly bravely faced the elements both years, I get the shift indoors. But not everyone does. When I introduced Wayne to my buddies, Jay, Jonny and Steve at the Rib Eye Jack's Ale House's Beer Fest in October, he told the boys about their Summer plans to shift indoors. He was immediately faced with opposition from my pals. As he always does, Wayne cheerfully stood his ground before ultimately playing the Seven of Nine Card - resistance was futile. (See? I knew I could make that work. Sorta. Doogie, one six of Mad Tom, please.) Personally, I think this shift indoors will work. I tend to view these things (as I do most things in life) as a grand, fun social experiment. I will definitely be there because you gotta be in the game to see how the cards play out. As will my buddies. Besides, it's a local initiative and I adamantly believe we should always support those.

Do we it it better? Well, yeah, this lady looks
pretty honest to me so she must be right. I
mean, it's Burlington, it's beer so nuff said!

Okay, now that we are done navel-gazing over the venue shift, let's talk turkey. There are bigger questions and the biggest, as always, is what breweries will be at the upcoming Winter Beer Fest that's a mere 18 days away? Well, you have to start with the Big Three - Burlington's Nickel Brook and Oakville's Cameron's Brewing and Trafalgar Ales - all of whom will be there. But wait, the addition of Collective Arts, now in Hamilton and also attending, adds a new local player and thus the Big Three have become The Fab Four. The roster is further bolstered by solid industry players, such as Amsterdam (Toronto), Black Oak (Toronto), Cutthroat (Kelowna, BC), Hop City (Brampton), Innocente (Waterloo), Mill Street (Toronto), Muskoka (Bracebridge), Royal City (Guelph), Samuel Adams (Boston), Side Launch (Collingwood), 20 Valley (St Catharines), Walkerville Brewery and Waterloo Brewing.

But you know what I love most about beer fests? It's meeting the breweries I haven't either sampled or sometimes even heard of before. And this one has more than a few for me. Coming along for the ride will be Bell City (Brantford), Elora Brewing, Les 3 Brasseur (Ottawa), Midian (Windsor), Orange Snail (Milton), Outlaw Brew (Southampton) and Whitewater (Forester Falls). Look at all those newcomers (to me, anyway) - that's why I go to beer fests!!!

At the Summer Beer Fest, the good folks from
Muskoka brought a cool hallowed-out, canoe-
shaped cooler to keep their brews icy cold. It was
the most creative cooler by a country mile, guys!

Now because Wayne and his merry gang are an inclusionary bunch because we are Canadians, after all, there will also be wineries (The Dreaming Tree, Inniskillin, Jackson-Triggs, Pelee Island and Vintage Ink), as well as cider houses (Brickworks, now owned by Mill Street Brewing, Hard Ironwood, Shiny and Spirit Tree.) And that's important to have them there because maybe someday, someone will somehow convince me that gluten allergies are an actual thing and not just the latest hipster man-bun affliction du jour. (For my American readers, that translates into "the latest fad" - though certainly not literally.) But I jest... frankly, the more, the merrier! Also, I've observed over my many years that women tend to favour wine so bring it!

And because it's at the Holiday Inn, the food trucks are gone this time. Why? Because the Holiday Inn "ain't got time for that!" Or as it's far more reasonably explained by Wayne, "The Holiday Inn will be handling all the food. They have a great chef and we expect to offer delicious items to everyone." I personally hope to meet a lot of his/her food at this event and good sir/madame (whichever you may be), please remember I am a carnivore so meat is always a plus. Also cheese. I'm big on that.

Will Nickel Brook be at the Burlington Winter
Beer Festival? Of course, they will. They're
one of the Fab Four. And not like Ringo. These
guys are more like John... or Paul... or George.
You know, one of the talented Beatles. Sorry...

Okay, the final word on the Burlington Winter Beer Festival, of course, belongs to Wayne so I'll step off for a second and get myself a beer. And this is where he lays a little truth bomb himself on the importance of volunteers needed to pull this stuff off.

"Volunteers are a huge part of what we do. They are involved in the planning process and are critical during these festivals. They are at the gate, taking and selling tickets. They sell refill tickets and help with the other things, such as collecting garbage and delivering ice to the breweries. Anyone wishing to volunteer can call our office at 905-634-1010. We can always use a few more good people!"

Okay, I'm back. Is Wayne done? He likes to talk even more than me so that's saying something. But I do have to say this about my man, Wayne, co-organizer Scott and the rest of the Burlington Beer Festival squad. Man, they bust their frikkin' humps to make my city look good. When I chatted with Wayne at the Summer Beer Festival, he was already talking to me about the Winter Beer Fest. And on top of that, he's already organizing a Burlington Music and Artfest for July 15-17 in Spencer Smith Park. There will be a small craft beer component to it but it's about, well, music and art. The man - and his team - just does not stop. Ever. Not even for a breath. I don't know if I wish I had that much energy or am glad that I don't. It's uncanny.

Okay, I want to sell this beer festival so I enlisted one of the prettiest
Beer Store daughters I have, Sassy Cassy, to put the magnetic signs on
my car. Now I'm not saying Cassy will be there. But I'm also not saying
she won't be there. Turns out you're gonna have to pay the $23 to know.

Okay, next up, we find out what happens when my co-worker Jay-Dawg tries to make his own delicious Great Lakes Brewing Swamp Juice #19 at home? And what happened when my baby girl, Katie, took her first trip to Rib Eye Jack's Ale House? (Spoiler Alert: she had fun.) How did my Nickel Brook buddy, Tony Cox, alert me that the latest Nickel Brook Headstock IPA coming off the line in Hamilton was bang-on again? After that, we have closer looks at Old Tomorrow Brewing in Toronto and Refined Fool Brewing in Sarnia.

And hey, what's next on deck? Who is that artist behind those awesome Great Lake Brewing labels? Someone hooked me up with him on Twitter! Just ask him and he'll say, "Who's Don?" We're very tight now! My friends all say that, too!

But certainly more on the Burlington Winter Beer Festival because no good deed goes unpunished. And finally to the lady who asked me this: "Do you drink to forget?" The answer is this: No, I drink because craft beer is delicious. It's just a bonus that after a very specific amount of really good craft beer, I forget your dumb-ass question.

Okay, guys and dolls, that's it, that's all and I am outta here. I will be back soon - I'm sorry but in Canada, that's called "Fair warning". So until next time, I remain...

Not on my watch! The best beers of 2015

True Story: Flying Monkeys had to change the label on
their Smashbomb Atomic IPA because the LCBO felt the
background looked too much like an actual atomic bomb
going off. So they opted for this dust-storm background.
The change satisfied what one craft beer saleman called
"the LCBO Label Nazis!" He meant that in the nice way...

Okay, before I get into the Best Beers of 2015, a couple of true stories about atomic bombs. Story #1 - In 1957, the US government conducted a study called "The Effect of Nuclear Explosions on Commercially Packaged Beverages." To that end, they set off actual atomic bombs near beer to see if it was drinkable afterwards. The good news: the beer was still consumable. The bad news: those idiot eggheads set off freakin' A-Bombs to test this theory. Really? Let's set some off next to scientists in Round Two.

Story #2 - My first love of IPAs was Flying Monkeys Smashbomb Atomic IPA. That little hottie still makes me smile. But I haven't had it in a while. So a week ago, I checked the shelf-life of our Smashbomb stock at my Beer Store and saw that it was best before January 7, 2016. A craft IPA set to expire? In my store? Not on my goddamn watch! I bought up the shelved stock (two cases), restocked those same shelves with fresh code and brought in the new year awash in Smashbomb. None of them saw January 2nd.

BEST LABEL: I have no idea who draws the
cartoons for Great Lakes Brewing's labels but
hot damn, they always make me chuckle. I say
the Maniacal Hopshop IPA's is the year's best...

Okay, onto the Best Beers of 2015. Just three quick rules first. Rule 1) All beers must be brewed in Canada. Rule 2) No repeat winners. Previous winners are in bracketed italics after the category name. Rule 3) That's it for rules. I think I miscounted. And away we go...

BEST LAGER: (King Dark Lager, Mill Street 100th Meridian Organic Amber) I don't drink many lagers these days as my tastes have shifted to heavier fares. This is not to say they're completely off the table. And for my money, for straight-up lagers, the best I had this year was Hogsback Brewing's (Ottawa) Vintage Lager. Using 2-Row, Munich and Vienna malts, Saaz hops and German lager yeast, this beer has flavour, punch and colour. Try it, you'll like it.

BEST DUNKEL/DARK LAGER: (Side Launch Dark Lager) You want me to drink your lager? Make it dirtier than Kid Rock's underwear! Channel the dark force. This may be stretching the boundaries of the category but Lake of Bay Brewing's (Baysville) 16 Crazy Eyes Darcy Tucker Winter Bock Lager? Holy godiva, that was damn tasty! Coffee and licorice on the nose, bitter-sweet chocolate on the tongue, this was a flat-out taste-bomb and arguably the best of the brewery's highly-touted NHL Alumni series, though the specialty series named after former players were all terrific.

You want to treat a mainstream beer drinker to a
new world of taste? This Mixed-12 fills the bill.

BEST MIXED PACK: (Muskoka Hoptorial Mix-Six) You want people to explore new styles? Look no further than the Okanagan Spring's (Vernon, BC) Craft Variety Pack. It has a Bavarian lager, a pale ale, a brown ale, an outstanding amber ale, a dynamite spicy porter and a true-to-its-German-heritage wheat. Something for everyone and the perfect way to bring mainstream beer drinkers into the craft beer fold.

BEST PILSNER: (Steam Whistle Pilsner, Steamworks Pilsner) With all due respect to the previous winners, both of which are outstanding Czech-style pilsners, Black Oak Brewing (Toronto) went to new wild heights with its Epiphany No. 2 Imperial Pilsener. Goosed with Comet, Wakatu and Saaz hops, it clocked in at 7.7% and 37 IBUs (international bitterness units), which is way high for a pilsner. The bar has been set, craft brewers. Just try to beat this one!

BEST LIGHT/SESSION BEER: (Great Lakes Brewing Citraddiction Extra Pale Ale) I had a healthy handful of session ales - or India Session Ales - this year. They all have one goal - to be low enough in alcohol that you make it to the end of the hockey game but still big on taste.

At just 3.8% but still 52 IBUs, the Genius
of Suburbia packs a whole lotta taste in
the glass without the risk of getting tipsy.

No one did it better this year than Flying Monkeys (Barrie) Genius of Suburbia India Style Session Ale. The low alcohol (3.8%) doesn't mean low taste. This stuff, described by the brewery as an American Pale Wheat Ale, was hoppy and delicious at 52 IBUs, exceptionally high for a low ABV beer.

BEST PORTER: (Nickel Brook's Pissed Off Pete Pumpkin Porter, Mill Street Vanilla Porter) The difference between the previous winners and this year's winner, Highlander Brewing's (South River) Blacksmith Smoked Porter, is that this one doesn't have outside flavouring. Obviously, there's nothing wrong with that because, duh, they won. But this is a straight-up smoky, silky porter that was raved over by Beer Bros Stevil St Evil and Glenn. Surrounded by every tasty IPA I could find during his visit here, Hop Ho Stevil stopped cold in his tracks to add Highlander to his Twitter, just to praise this beer. Glenn had never found a porter to his liking until I steered him to this bad boy. My main man, brewmaster Brian Wilson, hit it out of the park with this one. Good vibrations, indeed.

BEST TRIPLE PLAY: In keeping with the baseball theme, this category's new and goes to the brewery with the best pale ale-IPA-Imperial IPA combo. When Nickel Brook went old school, double dry-hopping their Naughty Neighbour APA and Headstock IPA at the tiny Burlington brewery, they blew my doors off. Throw their outstanding Immodest Imperial IPA into the mix? Well, there's a reason the other craft brewmasters consider Nickel Brook-Collective Art's top dog Ryan to be a hop wizard and it's not because he stole Harry Potter's wand.

If you haven't tried Sawdust City Brewing's
Golden Beach Pale Ale, you are ugly and your
Mommy dresses you funny. Step the hell up!

BEST PALE ALE: (Spearhead's Hawaiian Style Pale Ale, Cameron's California Sunshine APA) If I picked anything but Sawdust City Brewing's (Gravenhurst) Golden Beach Pale Ale, my co-worker Jay-Dawg would probably shank me in the back with a rusty knife. At just 4.5%, this could actually qualify as a dandy session ale but damn, this pale ale is carrying a ton of taste. Somehow, even though brewmaster Sam used Galaxy, Mosaic, Sorachi Ace and Summit hops, the beer kept the IBUs to just 25 IBUs. What sorcery be this? When I went to the Burlington Beer Festival on the Friday, Nickel Brook's Robbie sent me directly to the Sawdust City tent to try this beer. I did likewise on the Saturday when Jay-Dawg and others attended with me. The consensus? This was Ontario's best pale ale. Fruit on the nose, citrus on the tongue... good golly, Miss Molly, this one had it all!

BEST SAISON: (Four Winds Brewing Saison) Well, let's keep the focus on Sawdust City's Sam and Nickel Brook's Ryan for just another minute. As the pair celebrate the same birthday - November 5th (Guy Fawkes Day) - every year they create a collaborative beer with an ABV of 11.05%. This year, they did their high-test 11-05 Saison. Fruity goodness. High alcohol. And as smooth as silk. Not much of a saison drinker but this one? Any time, any day, get the hell out of my way. This year is Sam's 40th so the next one should be legen - wait for it - dary.

Great Lakes Brewery's Happy New Year message was
more of a warning. You walk into this place, you run
the risk of hop overload. These guys just kill with IPAs.

BEST IPA: (Flying Monkeys Smashbomb Atomic, Nickel Brook Headstock) Yeah, this one was gonna go to Great Lakes Brewery (Toronto) by hook or by crook. It started with their single hop Karma Citra IPA, which was a game-changer. But then, they released their Thrust! IPA and suddenly. it was a two-horse race. Then they put Octopus Wants To Fight IPA out there. Potentially a new winner but only until Maniacal Hopshop IPA hit the taps. And suddenly, we had a four-horse race and all the horses had the same owner, head brewer Mike. Dude, WTF? Are you actually a minion of Satan, throwing all this delicious temptation my way? Could be. Don't know the man. But there can be only one Highlander so Octopus Wants To Fight get the championship belt here. Eight legs, eight hops, eight malts, 88 IBUs and 6.2%, I have a new favourite number. Oddly, it's 47. (I don't Math well.) But Mike certainly has my number. Outstanding beer. I would stack this up against any IPA on the continent. It's that good.

BEST WHEAT: (Howe Sound King Heffy Imperial Wheat, All or Nothing Hopfenweisse) A surprise winner this year. You see, this is made by Creemore Brewing. And Creemore is owned by behemoth Molson's.

Yup, it's made by Creemore and I will happily throw
this against the best out there because this is a damned
good wheat beer. My brother loved it. And I loved it.

So technically, one of the big boys can lay claim to ownership of a championship title in a column mostly dedicated to the craft brewers' best. But hey, good is good and Creemore's Hop & Weizen was the best wheat I had this year. My brother Gary landed in Canada from Spain this year and despite his dark beer roots, he loved Rickard's White. I thought, "You want wheat? I'll bring you some wheat heat!" I bought a dozen different ones. This one? Hands-down the best. Banananana (sorry, I'm never sure where to stop the na's in that word) on the nose, smooth and lightly-hopped wheat on the tongue, this was dynamite. Not a big wheat guy but I could drink this year-round.

IMPERIAL IPA: Let's make this short and sweet. Tried dozens. Mostly good... but a few, not so much. Nickel Brook's Immodest Imperial IPA was, well, three weight classes higher than the rest. Take notes. At 9.5% and 85 IBUs, this uses - and I quote - "an obscene amount of Citra and Simcoe hops" - to create the smoothest double IPA you will ever drink. To put this into perspective, the first time I tried this beer was exactly the same day I tried Stone Brewing's (Escondido, California) Ruination Double IPA for the first time. I gave this beer the edge. Over a Stone Brewing's premier double-IPA. Mind. Blown.

Strap on your Big Boy Pants for this one. At a
whopping 10% and 100+ IBUs, this is not your
grandfather's triple IPA. And that's mostly due
to the fact that Grand-Pappy didn't have this...

BEST ALE: (Mill Street Tankhouse Ale, Parallel 49 Gypsy Tears Ruby Ale) You will notice neither of the previous winners is a brown ale. Why? Because brown ales usually suck ass. That is until this year when Wellington Brewery (Guelph) released their Terrestrial India Brown Ale and changed the rule book. So how do you take a brown ale and make it palatable? Well, brewmaster Marvin followed this exact process. A) Take Plain Jane brown ale formula. B) Say to yourself, "What would happen if I threw Amarillo, Chinook, Centennial, Cascade and Sorachi Ace hops into this Plain Jane brown ale?" C) Realize you are talking to yourself while watching the cauldron bubble. D) Bask in the glory of what you have created. And finally, E) Talk to others so it's less weird. This was delicious. At 5.9% and 57 IBUs, it was caramel goodness on the nose, smoky goodness on the tongue. This baby took bronze at the 2015 US Open Beer Championships last year in the Brown Ale division and deservedly so. From the "Words I Never Thought I'd Say" folder, a truly great brown ale!

BEST BRITISH-STYLE IPA: ... and speaking of words I never thought I'd say. British IPAs are those malty, hops-missing-in-action kinds of beer I usually ignore. I want my IPAs west coast-style, not mild and meek. But then Longslice Brewing slapped me upside the face.

Space trucking is dirty, thirsty work and that's why
guys like Star-Lord stop for a Hopsta La Vista IPA
along the way. Hoppy top, malty backbone... oh yeah.

The Brothers Peat (Jimmy and John), along with compadre Sebastian Lesch opened a new category for my "Best Of..." list by bringing Jimmy's formula for a hybrid British/North American IPA to life in March 2014. At present, they are cleverly working their way through the Toronto bar circuit, winning admirers one at a time. They hoodwinked the judges at the 2015 Ontario Brewing Awards by entering this as a British-style IPA and damned if they didn't strike gold. In fairness to them, there is plenty of malt backbone to this beer (Pip, pip, tally-ho!) but by adding Waimea, Admiral, Comet and Cascade hops, it's got its tangy west coast surfer dude side, too. Of course, I am still waiting for this to show up in Burlington LCBOs. *Crickets chirping* You goddamn rat-bastards.

BEST STOUT: (Nickel Brook Old Kentucky Bastard, Stonehammer Coffee Oatmeal Stout) It came late in the year but damn that bourbon barrel-aged Walkerville Brewing Milk Stout was dynamite. Vanilla and bourbon on the nose, chocolate and toasty-warm bourbon on the tongue and throat. Day-um, this was one solid stout from Chris Ryan's and Mike Brkvich's Little Brewery That Could. Awesome job, boys!

Ever wonder what 100kgs of late-harvest Chinook hops
culled from Washington's Yakima Valley looks like?
Well, actually, it looks a lot like this. Hoppy goldmine!

PUT ON YOUR BIG BOY PANTS FOR THIS ONE: Turns out Amsterdam brewmaster Iain was innocently wandering through Yakima Valley in Washington state when he came upon 100-kgs (220 pounds) of late harvest Chinook hops that he quite fancied. So he called his buddy Mike at Great Lakes and the pair decided to drop the entire batch into a single 3,000 litres (793 gallons) batch. And thus, Life Sentence Triple IPA was created by the mad scientists. (Cue maniacal laughter) Muah-ha-ha! And by using the entire batch, it was, indeed, a life sentence for those poor hops. It's 10% and 100+ IBUs of the best damned IPA you'll ever taste. Caution is advised. A few of these on tap at Rib Eye Jack's Ale House and I was looking for the nearest stripper pole to show off my sick white boy dance moves. (Fortunately, for those in my vicinity, no pole was available.) Obviously, this one takes the Best Triple IPA award but kind of by default. The only other one I had this year was from New Zealand. Still, winnah, winnah, chicken dinner! Pine on top of pine with more pine added. Usually a hop used in pale ales. turns out if you drop 100-kgs of Chinook into a vat, they turn out to be something more. Something much more.

Beau's Lug Tread Lagered Ale put a smile on Kim's
face as we languished on the patio of the Waterfront
Pub this summer. In the foreground was Stevil's and
my choice of beer: Black Oak's Ten Bitter Years IIPA.

BEST ON TAP - IN TOWN: When Nickel Brook had trouble getting a keg of their Bolshevik Bastard Imperial Stout to Rib Eye Jack's earlier this year, they subbed in a keg of the Malevolent Black Imperial IPA. Two words. Kah. Ching! At 9.5% and 90 IBUs, this one's all black magic, using crazy amounts of Simcoe, Columbus and Centennial hops. You could smell the coffee, hops and chocolate as soon as it was within five feet. I dined on that one for a long, long time. A much deserved gold medal winner at the 2014 US Open Beer Championships.

BEST ON TAP - OUT OF TOWN: This past summer, I drove Stevil St Evil to picturesque Napanee to (sadly) reunite him with brother Dave and sister Kim for their father's funeral. While there, Dave suggested the Waterfront Pub right on Napanee River was the best gin joint in town so off we went. The selection of beers was left in my hands as Dave and Kim are diehard Sleeman's drinkers and Stevil was unfamiliar with Canadian craft fare (that soon would change.) Asking our cheery server if they had any good craft beers on tap, she handed me a frikkin' book. Whoa, was not expecting that. Our two Sleeman's drinkers loved the Beau's Lug Tread Lagered Ale I suggested while Stevil and me happily piled into pint after pint (after pint) of Black Oak Ten Bitter Years Imperial IPA.

The Longslice Banditos: John and Jimmy Peat up front,
Sebastian Lesch in the back centre. Don't know who the
other dude is back left and thus henceforth, he shall be
named Waldo. Yeah, henceforth is harsh. I went there.

Piney on the nose, tons of pine and citrus on the tongue, I was stunned that this was on tap. Every bit as tasty from the keg as it is in the bottle.

THE SPIRIT OF CRAFT BEER: Jimmy and John Peat started brewing beer in their Muskoka basement as under-aged teens because while buying beer was illegal, buying the ingredients to make beer was not. Jimmy will be the first to admit their home-brew was "f***ing awful" but added it wasn't much worse than some of the mainstream fare out there. Supplying their suds to parties made them a popular pair, it turns out. Eventually, they drifted to Toronto and with long-time friend Sebastian Lesch, they started brewing what would become Hopsta La Vista (hybrid) IPA. When the Longslice boys attend a Beer Festival, they attend a Beer Festival. You get to meet them, shoot the breeze with them and if a stripper pole is nearby, dance with them. To me, these wacky, fun-loving brewers are the epitome of the spirit of craft beer. Watch for them in 2016.

Day in and day out, this beer was there for
me, dancing its way into my mouth... and
that just sounds wrong, creepy and weird

You can't miss them. As my Mom likes to say, "They do the You-Tubes..."

WINGMAN BEER OF THE YEAR: Let's face it, craftonauts, you need that one beer that's always there for you. Many of Great Lakes' fine IPA offerings are not year-round. Nickel Brook's Headstock struggled a little at first to figure out the radically-different chemistry of their much larger tanks in Hamilton. (My growlers and I will be doing further product testing this afternoon - drink locally, people!) I have drank enough Smashbomb Atomic to sink a battleship. Well, a Canadian Navy battleship so more of a tug-boat where the sailor has a crossbow. So who was there for me? Muskoka Brewing's Mad Tom IPA. It's 6.4% and 64 IBUs of grapefruity goodness. If I had something clever to say to a pretty woman, Mad Tom was there by my side to make sure it came out stupid and offensive. In scientific studying, I learned that four Mad Toms will convince me that I can dance... because there's four of them. (No idea what that means. Still don't Math well.) This is an Ontario hop classic and was my best buddy this year. Never leave me, Mad Tom, you glorious brain-bashing bastard! Okay, next up in a few days is everything you need to know about the upcoming Burlington Winter Beer Festival. But guys and dolls, that's it, that's all and I am outta here! Until next time, I remain...