On the road to Napanee...

This is the worst ventriloquist act ever! Actually, this
is Steve, age 4, wrapped up in one of his father John's
hunting shirts. "I don't ever remember him wearing
 a bow-tie," says Steve, "and I look like the inspiration
for all those Chucky movies!" Not gonna argue there

Last time in this space, you got to read all about the boozy shenanigans at a recent high school reunion. Well, I've grown as a person since then so this time, I will be regaling you with the story of a beer-blasted college reunion. Yes, straight off the plane (okay, several planes) from Wellington, New Zealand on Tuesday night landed my old college buddy, Stevil St Evil, a man so renowned in his Kiwi community that they have written songs about him. Well, I suppose if you put some music to the lyrics "Chug, chug, chug!", then it's a song of sorts.

It was something of a sad homecoming for Steve as he returned for his father John's funeral. But I'll tell you this for free, from the stories I heard from Steve and a day later from his sister Kim and brother Dave, it sounds like John packed a whole lotta living in his 85 years on this mudball.

But first, of course, was the matter of retrieving Steve from Toronto's Pearson International Airport which of course, had to be done with a certain amount of panache. Spotting an Asian man holding up a sign with an indiscernible name in a foreign language, I asked him if I could use his sign as his guests had arrived. He and his guests looked at me quizzically but as I repeated a few times, "For a joke!", they understood and starting laughing.

Holy crap, what a line-up. Carefully placed in bubble-wrap, Steve
smuggled me back some of New Zealand's hoppiest beers, including,
from left, Epic's Hop Zombie, Liberty Brewing's Citra, Garage Project's
Death From Above, Panhead Brewing's Vandal and Epic's Lupulingus

And thus Steve was greeted back to Canada with me holding up a name that neither of us could translate. The shenanigans had begun as, of course, others looked at my sign, looked at Steve and likely thought, "Wow, he looks nothing like a Mr 変体仮名..."

Now in my evil clutches, we made our way back to my car and as we pulled out, I motioned for Steve to grab himself a beer from my cooler in the backseat and pour it into a travelling coffee mug. While of course, I can't drink as the driver, there's no laws against my long-travelling passenger having a pint. Oh wait, yes there is. Well, I guess I would have told the cop he was visiting from a faraway land where that's perfectly legal and that he was unfamiliar with our customs and laws. (Also untrue.)

Kim happily eyes her Beau's Lug Tread Lagered Ale,
a beer Dave enjoyed as well,  while Steve and I gleefully
piled into Black Oak's 10 Bitter Years Imperial IPAs.

Despite there being eight different IPAs in varying numbers in that cooler, Steve beat long odds and pulled the same one consecutively. And thus Muskoka Brewing's Twice As Mad Tom Double IPA was his first and second taste of a great Canadian craft IPA on home soil, a style he developed a serious taste for in the now-burgeoning Kiwi craft beer market. His consensus? "Hot damn, this is good!" It would be an oft-repeated sentiment throughout the evening by both of us as Steve had some five special items in his duffel-bag for me, as well as three more for Rib Eye Jack's Ale House beer technician (and total hophead) Kylie. When we arrived at Donny's Bar and Grill, Steve opened his bag and nestled in bubble wrap were Epic Brewing's Hop Zombie, Liberty Brewing's Citra, Garage Project's Death From Above, Panhead Brewing's The Vandal and Epic's Lupulingus - all of them regular, Double or Imperial IPAs. (Kylie got a Hop Zombie, The Vandal and Death From Above.) Putting those into the fridge to chill, Steve got settled into the patio for Nickel Brook Headstock IPA, straight from the growler. Told my favourite beer only notched a 93 on RateBeer, Steve screamed highway robbery. "This is absolutely a high 90s beer - a 98 or 99!" A sentiment shared by many here.

To the right of Dave is the Napanee River which
runs right alongside of The Waterfront Pub's patio.

Next up was some Nickel Brook Malevolent Black IPA, also from the growler. All dark malts on the nose and hops on the tongue, Steve declared it, too, to be a real winner. (Let's face it - my fridge was packed and there wasn't a loser in the bunch.)

But now it was time for that sweet, sweet New Zealand swag. Grabbing a couple of halves (eight ounce glasses), we split them one-by-one. My poor Beer Bro Glenn stuck in Oshawa - every time we cracked one, I sent him a picture, taunting him with a "Look what I'm having!" There was NO doubt we were starting with the Hop Zombie, a beer beloved and continually praised by both Steve and Neil Miller, New Zealand's Beer Writer of the Year. Now because Steve and I were catching up, I didn't do voice recording of each so this is a little by way of sketchy memory. At 8.5% and I'm guessing about 90 IBUs (international bitterness units), it was outstanding with tons of hoppy fruit on the tongue.

The Waterfront Pub's patio at night was freakin'
gorgeous. We all ate some great meals and with its
extensive list of craft beers on tap, well, we were in
no great hurry to leave. Truly a night to remember...

Next on deck was Liberty's Citra, which for my money, was in a dead heat with Hop Zombie (I declared them 1A and 1B). At 9% and 100 IBUs, this was a citrus sawed-off shotgun blast to the nose and tongue. That I remember clearly!

From there, it was onto The Vandal IPA, which I was surprised to see only notched a 91 on RateBeer. Like Headstock, it's far superior to that mark. Not as explosive as the first two, no, but at 8% and (I'm guessing) about 75-80 IBUs, it was a damn solid offering.

Okay, Garage Project's Death From Above was a real "bait and switch." Why? Quite spicy and different from the others. Concocted by Steve's local brewery (in a former gas station), the young brewers were rushing the untried batch in time for an international beer festival a few years back. So they combined mango, chili peppers, Vietnamese mint and lime juice, colliding those with Chinook, Centennial, Citra and Amarillo hops for this 7.5%, roughly 70 IBU wizard's juice. "The idea of trying to bring all of these flavours together in a coherent way given the pressure of time and prospect of public humiliation was, frankly, shit scary," said the guys. But dammit, if they didn't pull it off. A truly unique and darn tasty beer!

"Welcome to the Twin Peaks Motel in
Napanee. We can assure you that no
one has died here. Well, recently..."
Also what's "worker rates"? I work!

And that left the Lupulingus IIPA by Epic. I'll be frank. I have no real recollection what this 9%, roughly 90 IBU beer tasted like, except like others before it, it was delicious. I don't know - bitter, fruity, something-something on the nose and tongue. Sorry, gang at Epic but that's all I got. If it's helpful, it greatly appeased the Hop Gods within me. Steve and I finished the night with some Nickel Brook Immodest Imperial IPA, again straight from the growler and that was pretty much the end of us. I stumbled upstairs, crashing on my son's bed and leaving my king-size for Steve. Well, he never made it past the couch, a solid 15 feet from the patio. So with a nod to the Auckland brewery, the night, filled with college memories and stories about his late father, was, indeed, 'Epic'.

Like me, Steve doesn't really get hungover on beer (though hard liquor will kill me) and when we woke up the next day, we will both attest to some real fuzziness. Slamming down some breakfast, coffee and Gatorade, soon we were on the road to Napanee to meet up with his brother, Dave (who lives there), and sister, Kim. Pulling back onto the highway after a gas stop about halfway, two young guys spied my Burlington Beer Festival magnetic car signs, rolled down their window and yelled, "Where's the beer?" Well, boys, same place as last night - in the cooler in my backseat. Close by for my passenger.

At the Twin Peaks Motel, TV placement was not a
priority. That's my headboard to the left and yes,
that's the TV behind me in the corner. Don't ask me.

And yes, after some ginger ale, my passenger was game for more, snagging a Flying Monkeys' Smashbomb Atomic IPA and pouring it into the thermal coffee mug. Once again, this hardened Kiwi Hop-Ho declared it "awesome."

I was greeted very warmly by both his siblings (I had never met either) at the Twin Peaks Motel where Steve, Kim and myself were staying and after a few wobblies, we proceeded to The Waterfront Pub for dinner, mostly because it has an outstanding craft beer selection on tap. Dave also noted it had the best view in town, right on Napanee River. We got a river's edge open-air gazebo on the patio and quickly established ourselves as the "fun table" for our pretty, young waitress. Late in the evening when we found out she was getting married soon, I told her, "As a wedding gift to you, we've all decided, as a group, not to skip out on the bill!" Dave laughed, looked at me and said, "You know I live here, right?" Yup, I sure do, Dave. He and Kim, both dedicated Sleeman's drinkers, opted for Beau's Lug Tread Lagered Ale (which, given their repeat orders, was something very much to their liking) while Steve and I went for the Black Oak's 10 Bitter Year IIPA on tap. Never had it on tap. Dynamite.

This would be Napanee's most famous citizen, after
Dave. Pretty pop-punker Avril Lavigne put this tiny
town on the map. Well, obviously, with Dave's help.

For me, it was a wonderful night with the siblings as they reminisced about their late father. His hunting-with-the-boys stories were legendary. One time, Steve recalled, one of his fellow hunters had a bit too much whiskey that night and John found him outside the next morning, hurling his guts out on the far side of the wood-pile. Walking up to the fellow, John looked and calmly noted, "Well, no wonder you're sick. Look at all the vomit you had in you!" Dave recalled there was just one rule about the hunting weekend - unload your firearm outside before bringing it inside. Gun inside, okay. Ammo inside, not okay because, well, booze. Well, one fellow, a younger addition to the group, was so excited about potting a deer or a moose or a squirrel or something that he forgot the Golden Rule and brought his loaded rifle in. The rules were clear so they laid a whipping on him. "Well, as much as old Korean War veterans could before getting winded anyway," laughed Dave. "So he had to endure a solid 45 seconds of punches."

While at Donny's Bar and Grill, Steve, a life-
long Montreal Canadiens fan, had to endure a
Toronto Maple Leaf car-seat cover ("I farted
on that a lot."), a Maple Leaf towel for his
shower ("I wiped my ass with it a lot.") and a
Maple Leaf doormat ("Perfect if I get dog
shit on my shoes.") I don't think he likes them

It was a great night, filled with hilarious stories about their father John and while I never met him, I know all I need to know by the way these three turned out under his tutelage and the obvious love they all had for him. Steve kept me informed through all the funeral proceedings and while it sounded like it was bitter-sweet for the trio, it was also an awesome time of reconnecting with a huge number of family members.

Steve will be back at Donny's Bar and Grill next Tuesday night before leaving for Wellington on Friday night. Our itinerary is set. Big Stevil St Evil Party on Thursday night with as many friends as possible, proceeded by a couple of episodes of Day Drinking. What's that? Well, it's a complex social function whereby you start drinking on the patio at noon and continue until you no longer can. Hmmm, okay, reading that, I guess it's not that complicated at all. Given our college time together, all I'm saying is that Arnold Schwarzenegger isn't the only one who woke up naked next to a dumpster in 1984.

I am already anticipating Beer Bro Glenn complaining on Thursday that Kylie got some of New Zealand's best IPAs and he did not. Well, that's easy to explain. She's pretty. Pretty people get free stuff. Lots of it. Don't blame me or Steve. Society makes these rules, not us. Dude, if you wanna cash in on the freebies... be prettier! But guys and dolls, that's it, that's all and I am outta here! Until next time, I remain...