The Trouble With Tribbles and Growlers

My... name... is... James... Tiberius... Kirk... and... I... am... SURROUNDED...
by... Tribbles!!! And WHY... do... I... talk... haltingly... like... this... anyway?

Only a handful of you will remember Star Trek, the original series. I'll be honest, I certainly never saw it during its original run back in the 1960s. It wasn't until my teenage years some time later that I began to watch the show's reruns which played on late night TV every night when I finally caught up to it. While it likely looks incredibly dated now, I recall it was pretty entertaining TV back in those days.

But there was one episode, which aired in December 1969, called "The Trouble With Tribbles" that I will always remember fondly because it took the show's usual dramatic sci-fi tension and enfused it with a humongous dose of humour.

Yes!!! I'm better than Kirk!!! SO MUCH WIN!!!

Now granted, when the far-superior Star Trek: The Next Generation came along in 1987, I followed it from the start and immediately loved Shakespearean-trained Patrick Stewart's portrayal of Jean Luc Picard as a Starship Captain, finding it far superior to William Shatner's somewhat (okay, very) ham-fisted, chew-the-scenary approach as Kirk from two decades prior. Yes, I said it, Picard beats Kirk. Angry Trekkies can express their outrage to me at: BiteMeHard@BrewHaHa.com. (Good luck with that, you little Sci-Fi geeks.)

But back to "The Trouble With Tribbles", if we can. The premise of that episode was this. A snake-oil-selling, fast-talking intergalactic salesman came onto the USS Enterprise and gifted Communications Officer Uhura with a pet Tribble. It didn't really have a face - or even legs, as far as I could tell - but it was soft and furry and cooed a lot. I mean, look at the top picture. It looked like a huge ball of hamster fur - minus the actual hamster.

These are not my growlers. These are, in fact, my OVERFLOW growlers as
somehow, I have gone from two to 11 from various different Ontario breweries

But here was the actual trouble with the tribble - without partners, tribbles reproduced, spawning more tribbles. One tribble quickly became 1,500 tribbles, which was a cause for concern for the old USS Enterprise because their much-vaunted "five-year mission" did not include Purina Tribble Food. Eventually, the problem was solved when Chief Engineer Scotty transported the lot of them onto a Klingon vessel because, you know, screw the damn Klingons. Tribbles didn't like Klingons and Klingons didn't like anything so match made in heaven. Have fun with that, you lumpy-headed grumpy Klingon bastards.

Okay, we just got Fuller's London Pride Ale
and Extra Special Bitter in stock. Both are
damn good but this one is a true winner!!!

So why am I talking about tribbles? Well, more than 40 years after the original broadcast, I found myself invoking their name. You see, not long ago, I started with two two-litre (64 ounce) growlers from my beloved Nickle Brook Brewing. Last week, I looked at my kitchen table (and floor) and counted 11 of them - six 2L growler and five 1L howlers from craft brewers scattered across Ontario. And I actually thought, "Geezuz, these things are like tribbles! They just keep multiplying!" Okay, as no beer geek actually needs 11 growlers and howlers, that left me in a dilemma - albeit in that First World white male without any actual problems who has too many of a good thing way. So, y'know, please, on my behalf, choke back those tears of sympathy. (No, seriously, I'll be fine.) I was telling Dale at Nickle Brook about my growler overload and he pointed to the top shelf of trophy case where they have a mini-museum for displaced growlers on the go. It's small now, he noted, just a couple but if I wanted to bring my excess to add to their collection (which would, in essence, more than triple it), I was welcome to do exactly that. And if some needy Nickel Brook employee wanted to scoop a free growler, well then, he noted, "You'd have a real good friend... for at least a day!" Sounds like a good plan. Sometimes, short friendships have their advantages. No Christmas presents, for starters. Or remembering of names.

What the hell was Le Trou Du Diable Brewing
La Saison du Tracteur doing in my fridge this
time of year? Uh, turning my fridge bilingual?

Okay, while we all ponder just how lazy the person who named the "fireplace" was (Really? The place where the fire is? Best you could do?), a quick look at the time tells me it's Beer O'Clock here at Brew Ha Ha so let's get busy. First up, we just got two of Britain's best in our store -  Fuller's London Pride Ale and their Extra Special Bitter. Okay, that London Pride is a truly nice ale. Got a wee bit of apple and a lot of malt on the nose, a lightly hopped and bitter (very lightly), dry and caramel taste on the tongue, this is a solid, decent ale. However, the ESB??? Now we're talking! Citrus but strong malt in the aroma, all bitterness and fruit on the tongue, this 5.9% import was a lot of fun. My buddy, Kevin, who loves a good British bitter would go nuts for this. Hell, throw me in that swanky posh Brit club, too! This is like the Prince Harry of beers. A bit ginger... cheeky... impudent... will drop its drawers in Las Vegas. You know how those bad-boy beers can get... Anyways, my eyes are peeled for more Fuller's product - these were both solid offerings, especially the ESB.

As I was telling Beer Musketeer Stevil St Evil, I find the strangest stuff in the back of the fridge at Donny's Bar and Grill and yesterday was no exception when I came across a Le Trou Du Diable Brewing (Shawinigan, Quebec) La Saison du Tracteur. While the beer's name is self-explanatory by the big tractor on the label, the brewery's name translates as "The Devil's Hole" which is a well-known cave in St-Casimir, Quebec.

Okay, props to Parallel 49 Brewing not just for a good dark
lager but also for one kick-ass great label on their Black Hops

Of course, the season for saisons (which in English means "season" so I'm actually saying 'the season for seasons' which is redundant but I don't know how to say 'season' in Klingon) is a few months past but well, it's in my fridge so it offered itself up for sacrifice - silly saison. Okay, this was lightly citrus and mango on the nose but its use of rye malts gives it a nice light touch of spice with the fruit on the tongue. Dry yet refreshing. Out of season/saison, yes but hey, a nice Summer touch.

Let's wrap this up with something bold and our friends at Parallel 49 Brewing's (Vancouver) Black Hops Cascadian Dark Lager - yet another that continues in the company's tradition of showcasing some of the best cartoon labels in the Canadian craft brewing industry. An impressive 41 IBU (international bitterness units) for a schwarzbier, this 6.5% lager is roasted malt and coffee on the nose with coffee and pine bitterness on the tongue. Beautiful brew.

Jonny Blonde and his delicious spiced meat dishes will be
served up hot and fresh at Nickle Brook on December 13

As the weather cools down, I love to switch to dark lagers just before I go nuts with the seasonal porters and stouts. It's the perfect transition beer!

Okay, next up, a lager that passed, a lager that really really failed, a couple from Beau's All Natural Brewing - one of which I know I will enjoy while the other, well, I'm concerned for my well-being. Also which popular craft ale did I steer co-worker Marie towards for use in a steak sauce and she actually said afterwards, "Perfect choice!" (Total fluke, I assure you.) Why is Marie's birthday getting the edge over Christmas... and much much more.

My main man Tony at Nickle Brook is back at it with his Food Truck Saturday this weekend when Jonny Blonde brings his fire-grilled meats and bold sauces to the brewery (864 Drury Lane in Burlington) from 11 am to 4:30 pm. This truck was there two weekends ago and did well over 100 orders. Said brewery owner John to Tony afterwards: "You have a friend for life! You will never go hungry. Ever!" A win-win for both the brewery and the trucks, which are off-season!

Well, I just watched "Are You Smarter Than a Fifth Grader?" on TV and while it turns out that no, I am not smarter than a 10-year-old, I'll tell you this for free. Not one of those little peckerheads can buy beer! Suck on that, you brats! Okay, guys and dolls, that's it, that's all and I am outta here!!! Until next time, I remain, as always...