The curious case of Rolling Rock's "33"

Should you feel the need to crush a Rolling Rock, at least make it worth your
while by taking a selfie with it while plummeting to your doom. Like this guy.

It was not all that long ago that Labatt got the rights to brew the American beer, Rolling Rock, up here in the Great White North and like its Yankee counterpart, it has proven to be a popular commodity among the mainstream-drinking masses. Its notoriety in the United States clearly can transcend an invisible line, such as a border, without a full cavity search being inflicted upon it - an honour that border guards apparently only save up for Colombian drug mules, suspected terrorists... and me.

Had one the other day for the first time (a Rolling Rock, not a cavity search) and I can confirm it is a fairly typical ball-park light lager (4.5%) that is neither horrible nor outstanding. If you like, say, Bud or Canadian, you will be well-serviced by this typical though lacklustre offering  - so clearly not my kettle of brew. That said, my little horse-and-pony show isn't about drinking only what I suspect will be good beers. It's about drinking all the beers. The occasional apology has to be made to my liver. Some time in the mid-Summer, I plan on holding an Organ of the Year party for it. That'll keep it busy for a night. The same party held for my bladder last summer was a rousing success. Well, until the seal broke... then it was all drink, pee, repeat...

After being purchased by Anheuser-
Busch, the Rolling Rock slogan
continued to be printed on the painted
label. While this only adds up to 31
words, the original began with two
more - the beer's name, Rolling Rock

But it is the "33" at the end of the beer's printed slogan that caught this old journalist's eye. It turns out that "33" is a bit of a beer folklore mystery south of the border, as well. Originally brewed by Latrobe Brewing Company in 1939, there are dozens of theories about the number. Though the brewery was snatched up by giant Anheuser-Busch in 2006, one of the early theories was that it was a nod to the NFL's Pittsburgh Steelers, who practised in Latrobe and were founded in 1933. Another theory is that it celebrates the repeal of Prohibition in 1933. One particularly wonky theory is that 33 degrees is the perfect drinking temperature for this beer, using the Fahrenheit scale still favoured by our American friends - a scale into which this Canuck still converts our Celsius scale because even after all these years, I continue to have a better understanding of Fahrenheit, much in the same way that miles make more sense to me than kilometres. Hence my propensity towards speeding tickets and my continued explanation to police officers that I still haven't fully grasped the Metric System. In fact, I suspect the only Americans who grasp it are drug-dealers, which tells you all you need to know about the Metric System. ("Yo, Jesse Pinkman... bitch!") Why I would debunk this temperature theory is that it would mean Americans getting the beer chilled to exactly one degree above freezing. Hell, in Canada, we'd have to throw the mug into the microwave to get it up to 33 degrees.

It's funny... because it's true. After Beer #5, every time

There are countless other theories, including one that said there were 33 steps from the brewmaster's office to the brewing floor (who the hell thought to count that?), but the one I have the most faith in is the one that suggests the motto on the back of the bottle was exactly 33 words. And that the brewer sent the wording to the label manufacturers with the "33" at the end to indicate it was 33 words in total. The label-makers, quite possibly drunk after getting free samples of the product as payment, misunderstood and included the "33"... which simply stayed on the bottles.

There you go. Mystery solved. See? You don't need the Scooby Gang when I'm around. For gawd's sake, they can't even solve the mystery of why Freddie still wears an ascot in 2014.

Another recent apology to my liver came courtesy of Foster's Lager. For years, it was made here under licence by Molson's until... well, that stopped. Not sure why but it has continued to be tied up in legalities, from which I always steer a wide berth. Again, my lack of understanding in the Metric System makes me overly-cautious, even about legal matters.

This is not Australian for "good beer." Turns
out it's Texan for "middle of the road crap."

Anyway, when Foster's magically reappeared in our imports delivery recently, I assumed it was the Australian version. Granted, an Australian customer visiting Canada last summer told me that Foster's was a "tourist beer", one that nobody in Australia actually drinks.  He noted that the craft beer industry in his country was exploding much as it already has in New Zealand, the USA and presently is in Canada. My appeals to have him say "Throw a shrimp on the barbie, mate" were quickly met with "Sure, as soon as you say 'oot and aboot'." Okay then, game, set and match to the Aussie.

Alas, as it turns out, this Foster's is made by Oil Can Brewery in Fort Worth, Texas, presumably as some sort of revenge against the historic misfortunes at the Alamo. Much like Rolling Rock, it's all corn and malt on the nose, nothing at all special on the tongue. More average mainstream fare. But the brewery's name does, at least, explain why the 750ml can is referred to as an "oil can" by the distribution company whereas when Molson's made it, we called it a "king can". And while calling this a "king" anything might be misleading, let's also remember that at the end of the game, the kings and pawns all go back into the same box.  So off you go, little pawn...

The problem with corked-and-caged beers? I
need either vice-grips or my teeth to get the
damn cork off. Muskoka better have a damn
good dental plan that I can leech off of...

Okay, enough about weak-ass beers, no matter how interesting their history may be. Once again, Muskoka Brewery has released their Legendary Oddity. While Beer Musketeer Stevil St Evil somehow managed to find a RateBeer review for it, it turned out that was the review for their Spring Oddity two summers ago in which it nabbed a nifty 95. Checking the ingredients, I noticed the 2014 version has been altered slightly but still I suspect this would clock in with a similar score. Brewed with (their list) Muskoka water, Juniper Berries, Heather Tips (which is why she gets such great service), Sweet and Bitter Orange Peels, North American Malted Barley, Magnum and Sorachi Ace Hops and Trappist Yeast, this 8% ale is a Belgian bomb-blast! The reviews for the Spring Oddity mostly mentioned the sweetness (it included Belgian Candi Sugar whereas this one does not), this falls in a different direction. Lots of orange on the nose, subtly fruity and spicy on the tongue, the Trappist Monks themselves couldn't have done a better job. Well, maybe they could but Muskoka employees are allowed to have sex so there's that. Another seasonal winner from the brewery that gave us the outstanding Winter Beard Double Chocolate Cranberry Stout. Just when you think they've peaked with Twice As Mad Tom IPA and Detour Session IPA, Muskoka always throws out a newbie that my liver and my taste-buds thank them for.

The Steam Whistle Can Van which holds 10 cans of beer

Toronto's Steam Whistle Brewing has always prided itself on "doing one thing really well" and that is their renowned Czech-style pilsner. Well, add another: marketing. Their big 2-litre (67 ounces) glass boot was the drinking vessel of choice at their St Paddy's Party and now they have released a 10-can Can Van package, which I think is pretty clever. Guys are snapping them up just for the souvenir package factor. When our Steam Whistle driver, Vince, recently got a white bull terrier, he honoured a buddy at work by naming him - no joke - Paul From Shipping. Formerly a clean-cut dude, Vince has let his curly red hair grow wild and has added a big thick red beard. When I asked him if he got "Ginger Jesus" much at work, he laughed and said that I was the first, but added, "That's actually nice compared to what I usually hear..." They take no prisoners at Steam Whistle.

That's it for this edition but I'll be back in two days for the Canada Day version and then three days after that to celebrate America's Independence Day with a look back at some of the finest American craft offerings I've had over the past year. There are some beauts. But guys and dolls, that's it, that's all and I am outta here!!! Until next time, I remain...

Mill Street does it again with Seasonal Sampler

My Name Is Lyall... and I sell beer.

As I mentioned a couple of blogs ago, I have a couple of new co-workers at my store - Ryan, a former pro football player who I likened to The Mountain on Game of Thrones and Lyall, who looked like someone that I, well, couldn't quite put my finger on.

Like me, he has longer hair (minus the, uhh, ash-blond at the temples), which he usually subdues by knotting it in the back. But the other day, he went Full Mane, causing Ryan to instantly rhyme-quip, "Whoa, bro, goin' for the flow!" That's when it struck both me and Ryan who Lyall resembled.

"Ryan," I asked, "What was that Earl show?"
"That's it!" Ryan laughed. "My Name Is Earl!"
It was at that exact moment I was glad I didn't ask "What was the name of that Earl show?" because there's nothing quite as embarrassing as asking a question with the actual answer in it. You know, a little like: "What's the name of that movie where Harold and Kumar go to White Castle?"

And Mill St Brewery does it yet again... another great mix...

Lyall confessed that before he went full beard, he had a full-cheese 'stache, much like actor Jason Lee in the TV show and was constantly being told of the resemblance. That's okay, I told him, I get George Clooney all the time - you learn to live with it. (And by "all the time", I, of course, mean "never, not even once.") I knew Lyall lived in Oakville so one day, I asked him whereabouts. He pointed to the church across the street and said, "See that fence at their parking lot? That's my fence, too." Right across the street - sweet deal! Of course, that made it even funnier when he came in the other day a few minutes late and the boss scolded him. "Yeah," he said in his dry, laconic style, "I got caught at the light," meaning the traffic light directly in front of our store. I suspect nothing takes the sting out of a boss' wrath quite like me howling like a stoned hyena...

If I commissioned a statue-maker to do one of
my Guardian Angel, it would look a lot like this

Co-worker Marie is pretty much in the same boat, living in the town-houses directly behind our mall. When she wandered in late recently, our young Italian Stallion co-worker (who's bucked his shyness and is seriously getting funnier every day) Robbie deadpanned: "Was traffic bad?" We were in the back and I laughed so loudly (further causing Robbie to laugh at my laugh) that a customer said to a cashier, "Wow! Someone's having fun." Depending on who the cashier is, the answer to that is usually, "Yeah, that's Donny. He might be high. Might not. We're never quite sure..."

Okay, as co-worker Gordo is fond of saying when he unexpectedly pops into the patio at Donny's Bar and Grill, "Beer me, bitch." Let's get to this little slice of Oktoberfest, then. Nobody - but nobody - has a better handle on releasing sampler or mixed six-packs quite like Toronto's Mill Street Brewery. It's like they have a new one every month. Well, their latest Seasonal Sampler has three I've enjoyed in the past - their outstanding Tankhouse Ale, as well as their Organic Lager and Belgian Wit, both solid beers. To these, they added their amber Palomar Ale, their amber organic 100th Meridan lager and their Belgian Cherry IPA.

This heart-warming three generational
Father's Day moment has been brought to
you for free, courtesy of Brew-Ha-Ha!

Okay, off the bat, don't bother with RateBeer on these, which is notoriously punitive on lagers, mild ales and British-style IPAs. Ignore the scores, so to speak, and let your taste-buds decide - not someone else's. I quite enjoyed the 100th Meridian, feeling the amber added a little "oomph" to their regular Organic. Grainy on the nose, the lightly-used Cascade hops give it some bitterness in the finish. The Palomar is a mild ale with a slightly smokey aroma but they added chipotle pepper spice to the caramel malt taste - not overwhelming so - but just enough that you can sense it, lurking there. A light amber ale, again, pretty good. Beer Musketeer Cat bought the six-pack same time as I did and like me, she had long ago tried the three I mentioned previously. She got to the Belgian Cherry IPA and was impressed. It's 7% so I was kinda hoping it would be the hoppy American style IPA, rather than the malty British one. Alas, it was neither Belgian or hoppy IPA-ish.  But still, it was quite tasty. Definitely a summer beer, as well as a "one and done", it was the kind of brew that was fun to try but no way could you drink it all afternoon. Cherry on the nose and much milder cherry on the tongue, it has a warm, bitter (but not unpleasant) taste that I would attribute to its alcohol level. Of the three newbies, I did enjoy them all - perfect patio beers - but I dug the 100th Meridian a bit more than the challengers. That said, I salute any beers that have the cajones to get into a Mix-Six with the outstanding Tankhouse Ale. You can read about my Man-Love for Tankhouse at the end of this one. You know... if you have time to kill, are not washing your hair and seriously can't find anything better on TV.... seriously, even an infomercial on a new revolutionary orange juicer.

This New Zealand brew encouraged me to try barley wines!

One of Beer Musketeer Stevil St Evil's more recent happy-finds in New Zealand (where he was deported to - I think Canada forgot it was actually Australia where the British banished their convicts and bad-asses to way back when) was Panhead Custom Ale's Black Sabbath barley wine. Stevil, who like all the Beer Musketeers loves to explore new brews (though living in the craft-beer mecca that is Wellington, he has a huge head-start), has had barley wines before - a fancy handle for beer that exceeds a certain alcohol level, thereby pushing it closer to wine. Stevil liked the beer style just fine... but tellingly, didn't really rave. Until he found the Black Sabbath which is hopped to the proverbial gills. He noted it was the first barley wine he has had that make him say: "Must have more!"

Well now... that's a neat trick, Great Divide Brewing Co.
"Marty, we have to go back!!! Back to the Future!!"

So during my last visit to beloved locals, Nickel Brook, whilst filling my growlers with Headstock IPA, I snagged a bottle of the collaborative Nickel Brook/Sawdust City Brewery's 1106 Barley Wine. They collaborated on it because both breweries began (in separate years) on November 6th, the alcohol level is 11.06%, as well as the fact that the owners of both breweries happen to stand 11-feet, six inches tall - but only if one is standing on the shoulders of the other. Fair warning - it's pricey at $17 for a 750-ml bottle. The 1106 is very dark fruit-driven with both the aroma and taste of plums and prunes. Much more malty than hoppy, much more winey than beery. I enjoyed it but this is not a warm weather beer unlike the hop-laden madness that is Black Sabbath. I will keep looking. Stevil thinks he's tracked down a hoppy winner for me from Central City Brewing (Surrey, BC) going by the name Thor's Hammer. Odin, be praised - on my To-Find-And-Rapidly-Consume List...

Actually, Stevil has a valid point. Who spawned Max?

And speaking of the Good Ship St Evil, I was recently talking to Stevil and invoked the name Max and Goofy, the long-running Disney cartoon and subsequent movies that my son David and I used to watch religiously. Quickly realizing that Stevil probably had no idea who Max was, having moved to New Zealand nearly 15 years ago, I explained that Max was the cartoon son who was continually embarrassed by the antics of his Dad, Goofy. The show emphasized that even if your Dad is an idiot, you have to love him anyway. I felt that was important for David to know...

There was a bit of a pause on Stevil's end before he replied: "Okay... who f**ked Goofy?"

Courtesy of my pal and Kate Upton's next BF, Joe...

Well, Milestone Day here at Brew-Ha-Ha! It was June 22 of last year when the first Brew Ha Ha hit the interwebs. And it has been a wicked-ass ride. I have learned more about beers in the past single year than, well, I knew for the totality of my Labatt Blue-drinking life up to that point. And that's gonna keep going. I have two people to single out. First up is my Danish buddy, Kevin, who encouraged me to get back into writing more than just funny Facebook statuses. He wasn't the first to gently nudge me back towards writing... but he was, in fact, the last. I don't even remember what exactly he said... but clearly, he put the right words in the right order. So really, what can I say beyond this... blame Kevin.

And of course, Stevil St Evil, who very patiently walked me through setting up a blog... and then giving me a name for it (the Tyrion-inspired "Lord of Tits And Beer" came a close second to "Brew-Ha-Ha!")... and then creating a blog head banner and a blog sign-off.... as well as several dozens of suggestions for beer to try. Without Stevil, this thing never even starts. Again, what can I say? If you can't find Kevin, blame Stevil... And right, my professed Man Love for Tankhouse can be found here at: If You Love Tankhouse Ale So Much, Why Don't You Marry It?

Okay, guys and dolls, that's it, that's all and I am outta here... Until next time, I remain...

Of super-heroes and super beers...

Thanks to the lovely Manny, my son, David and I now own these sweet
super-hero Birkenstocks. That's David on the left with Spider-Man, Thor,
Wolverine, Captain America and Iron Man on his while Daddy's are totally
Hulk Smash all the way! These are pretty much the coolest things ever!!!

The question, coming from my long-time friend Manuela, a.k.a. Manny, was a little odd but I'm somewhat used to that from my friends. Manny, who now lives in Germany, complete with hubby and son, wanted to know my shoe size. She also wanted to know my son David's shoe size. Why, I asked?

"Because I can found the perfect shoes for you two!" Now Manny and I used to run with the same wild crowd back in about 1985 to '95 in Toronto's Bloor West Village neighbourhood. There are literally dozens of crazy drinking stories I could tell here, except as I said, Manny now has a young soccer-loving son who is perfectly capable of reading a Canadian beer blog. So for his sake, I will simply say this to him. Justin, your Mom, me and the rest of our crowd spent a lot of time in church. The church happened to be a bar named Shakey's but trust me, it was all very spiritual and innocent. (That was convincing, right? I would totally believe that...) Anyway, in 1995, I went west to Oakville and a new editor's job while Manny went east... all the way to Germany. But of course, we reconnected on Facebook and she knows well the high esteem with which super-heroes are held in this household.

When the Denver Comic Con hit the Colorado Convention
Center June 13 to 15, it marked the debut of Brews Wayne,
a 6.1% hoppy amber ale, made by Denver's Breckenridge
Brewery. Last year, when the brewery teamed up with the
Comic Con organizers, it created a fruit-infused Belgian Wit
called "The Caped Brewsader". They love Batman there...

When the above super-hero-adorned Birkenstock sandals landed in my mail, I had, to be honest, kinda forgotten my and Manny's shoe size conversation. So yeah, pretty sweet surprise! When I showed co-workers Gordo and Marie the new sandals, their jaws dropped. "Birkenstocks cost, like, $125!" they exclaimed. So roughly $105 more than I've ever spent on a pair of sandals. Manny told me that the prices in Germany were much more relaxed because they're made there and her company has a wholesale deal with the sandal giant.

The Beers Musketeers' reactions were also ones of awe. Cat waxed eloquently about how these Birkenstocks would change my life, fit for the Roman Gods to wear and so forth. Stevil St. Evil got to the heart of the matter on a regular guy's level: they're just really cool because they have super-heroes on them. Exactly. The best part? They are unavailable here in North America. David and I are proud (and excited) owners of something very unique. Manny, you absolutely rock!!!!

This is what I usually drink my stouts in. 

All the super-hero talk reminded me of when the Beer Musketeers descended on Donny's Bar and Grill back in April. They noticed that David had these huge 20-ounce super-hero glasses - four from Marvel (Spider-Man, the Hulk, Iron Man and Captain America) and four from D.C. (Superman, Batman, Wonder Woman and the Green Lantern.) For the afternoon drinking purposes, Glenn quickly commandeered the Spider-Man glass, saying it was the closest to his favourite hero, Daredevil (Marvel's biggest man-ho) while Cat, of course, opted for the Wonder Woman glass. She shivered when she saw the Green Lantern glass, noting one of her ex-beaus actually thought he was Green Lantern. Wow, talk about delusional, eh? I mean, after all, I'm Batman and I'm pretty sure I know who the Green Lantern is... They don't call me the Dark Knight Detective without reason. And Glenn, if you're willing to cross publishers, Batman is closer to Daredevil than Spider-Man. Just sayin'... But I digress...

Stevil recently showed us his new stout glasses, made by Spiegelau, the same Germany company that collaborated recently with American brewers, Doghead Fish and Sierra Nevada, to create the IPA glasses that the four of us use and love. The stout glass is pretty similar but without the re-heading ridges on the stem.

The latest from the good folks at Beau's All Natural
Brewing - Wag The Wolf Hopfenweisse. Damn good!

The glass looks pretty cool but I usually drink my stouts in David's Hulk glass. Like the Hulk, the stouts I favour are very high-alcohol, fruit, bourbon and/or chocolate-infused brews that will *smash* your taste-buds into puny human submission. And you tread carefully around these beasts - too many or too quickly and you will feel about the same shade of green as the Hulk the next day.

But you know, especially in the Summer, a good wheat is deserving of a super-hero glass and that's precisely what I got when I snagged a Beau's All-Natural Brewing's Wag The Wolf Hopfenweisse. Brewed with 65% wheat malts and lightly-hopped with organic New Zealand hops, this 6% wheat is fruity on the nose (citrus, banana and mango come through) but spicy and smooth on the tongue. Damn, this is a winner! It'll be back here soon... very soon. Love my wheats! Nice job, Beau's!

Cameron's is walking on sunshine... California sunshine!

Found another stunner from my hometown friends at Cameron's Brewery - their brand spankin' new California Sunshine APA. With citrus, pine and tropical fruit on the nose, the 5.1% pale ale almost comes across as a light-IPA with its light grapefruit on the tongue. We have a second return offender slated for the patio at Donny's Bar and Grill...

Sadly, their cross-town rivals, Trafalgar Brewing, didn't fare quite so well with their Maple Leaf Lager. According to RateBeer, this may be a rebottled version of their Old Mill Elora Grand Lager but it's not good. Corn and malt the nose, thin and bitter on the tongue, this actually got poured down the drain. (On the plus side, it unclogged it.) I will usually drink an average beer... but not a bad one. After four misses now, I think it's simply time to admit that Trafalgar's beer brewing style ain't my Cuppa Joe. They're now a distillery as well so I may sample their vodka, just to show support.

My Oakville buddy, Steve, an old high school crony,
has this sign up at his backyard bar. I instantly sent it
off to Stevil St Evil in New Zealand, saying he needs one

Another beer that I had way back at the Spring Beer Festival in March but forgot to review was Left Field Brewery's Resin Bag IPA, recommended to me by Toronto Craft Beer Queen Mel, who had gone the night before. As always, Mel was bang-on. At 6.4% and just 50 IBU (international bitterness units), this is a lighter IPA. All orange on the nose, it's lightly pine and citrus with a bit of malt on the tongue. This doesn't pound the taste-buds like my preferred Imperial IPAs but rather lightly caresses them. It's a solid beer. But it's their 6-4-3 Double IPA with its staggering 92 IBUs that first caught my attention at last year's Summer Craft Beer Fest, held at Steam Whistle. I like these guys - they're setting up their brewery in Toronto as we speak. I expect big things from this now-small brewery.

And finally, an interesting twist. Beer Stores are only allowed to sell malt-based beverages so they have never carried ciders, even though there is a Molson Canadian Cider, as well as an Alexander Keith's Cider - both names better associated with the Beer Store. To that end, Molson's has brewed up a 5% apple lager called Mad Jack. To me, it kinda tastes like, well, apple soda but I suspect it's meant to entice cider drinkers rather than beer bums like me. I don't drink cider so it may be remarkably similar. We'll have to wait and see.

Using Glenn's IPAs-Decide-The-Winner at
the FIFA World Cup, Stevil noted that since
New Zealand is not playing, that would make
the USA the obvious winner in the tourney

Okay, shout-outs and links. First up, Glenn is following the World Cup like everyone else on the globe. Personally, I'm cheering for Portugal because the last time, four years ago, I was dating a Portuguese woman so what the hell, eh? (Actually, the one immediately preceding her was also Portuguese - guess I was going through a phase?) That ended quite some time ago but my affinity for Team Portugal remains. But Glenn has written two blogs so far which predict the winners in each round based almost solely on which countries produce the best IPAs. An interesting approach to beer, geography and oh yeah, soccer, to be sure. Okay, so here we go. Start with: The IPA World Cup, Round One and then follow up with: The IPA World Cup, Round Two
Also from Thrillist.com, a hilarious look at what your favourite beer style says about you. It's a funny read right: HERE! As an IPA drinker, I apparently have an awesome bottle collection and as a stout drinker, I seldom shave. Actually, both true.
Then we have the food blogger that actually got the American beer giants to list the ingredients in their beer. I know - staggering, right? Stevil and I think the fact that she's a stunner may have helped. Right about her victory here at: Vani Hari Rocks!

Well, guys and dolls, that's it, that's all and I am outta here!!! Until next time, I remain...

The Mountain lives on and some Summer Beers

So anyway, I have a new co-worker, Ryan. Here's his pic.

As it is Summer, the busy season, there has been a small influx of new workers at my Beer Store. So far, the two I've met - and worked with - are Lyall and Ryan. I would tell you more about Lyall except that if Ryan is in the room, it's impossible to see Lyall, much less communicate. That's because Ryan is the size of a wall. This young man is a behemoth and frankly, I have decided he is my new best friend because, well, who wouldn't want a Godzilla-sized dude on their side? To all my old best friends, puny lot that you are, sorry... I wish you all well. Don't bitch... it was a helluva ride. Even if we don't remember good chunks of it.

As it turns out, Ryan played professional football for two years with the Saskatchewan Roughriders of the Canadian Football League. If you are from outside Canada or North America, please stop laughing - Saskatchewan is a real place.

Saskatchewan Joke (Told With Affection) Before We Continue With This: An older well-travelled British couple are at the airport, waiting for their flight when they spot a young man, looking very confused at the departure screen.

This is roughly the size I feel when Ryan and I
occupy the same room. I'm there. You just don't
see me because, well... a Huge Wall Of Ryan...

The wife notes the lad looks puzzled and asks her husband to go give him a hand. So over the husband goes.
"Where are you headed to?" asks the man.
"Saskatoon, Saskatchewan," says the young fellow.
"Oh, right then, you have a good day," says the man.
Going back to his wife, she asks him if he was able to help.
"Not really," says the man. "He doesn't speak English."

And we're back. So, of course, I have to ask Ryan, "You ever watch Game of Thrones?"
Oh yeah, he says, huge fan. (Huge fan? No kidding.) "Anyone ever call you The Mountain?" I grin.
"Yeah," he chuckles, "(Our co-worker) Saga did two days ago." Damn that Saga - always one step ahead of me. So anyway, the Roughriders play out of Saskatchewan's capitol city, Regina (and now you're laughing again - pipe down, it's Latin for "Queen"... and now you're laughing even harder...) You people are horrible.

I asked him what life was like in Regina. Well, according to Ryan, the minute you leave city limits, you are surrounded by wheat fields. In every direction. The whole Province is wheat fields. Bummer for Ryan but folks, let's thank Saskatchewan for helping bakers out with relatively unimportant things like bread and bagels and far more important things like helping breweries across North America create some fantastic wheat beers.

A much more clean-cut Brew-Ha-Ha stumbles into
my long-time bro, Ian, at a Kings of Leon concert.
Nothing but smiles and laughter when we connect.

But the big thing about Ryan, currently going to Osgoode Hall in Toronto to get a Law Degree (a wall-sized intimidating lawyer - again, my new best friend), is his younger brother, Ian - one of my all-time favourite part-timers at the Beer Store. Ian is one of those guys I don't see all the time, now that's he's no longer a part-timer but out there in the real world. But when he fills in an emergency shift to help out, he and I pick up exactly where we left off. We have at times gone a full year without seeing each other, even longer. It doesn't matter. One of my favourite Ian stories is the time we crossed paths at a Kings of Leon concert at the Molson Amphitheatre in Toronto a few summers back. I was there with a new girlfriend whereas Ian and a bunch of his buddies had been partying all afternoon and came in a limousine. Having never met my GF, Ian did exactly what a bro should - he started talking me up to my lady. Bro Rule #93: Being a wing-man is an ongoing process. Even after your bro gets the lady, you continue with the Subliminal Wing-Man Duties, meaning talking your buddy up. And Ian was as smooth as silk.

Kaaad Spring IPA out of Kastrup, Denmark.
This is NOT a melancholy Dane. Damn good!

A couple of days later, I called him to thank him on a job well done - a brother does you a solid, you acknowledge it. Ian had to confess that when he groggily saw himself tagged on the above Facebook picture the following morning, he pulled it up and said to himself, "I saw Donny last night?" So he pulled off those stellar Subliminal Wing-Man Duties while absolutely plowed. That, my friends, is positive proof that Ian is the Gold Standard for Wing-Men.

Okay, another good bro, Kevin, has been long hoping I could find a good IPA from Denmark, his homeland. Challenge... accepted. Except I didn't find a good IPA... no, what I found was an outstanding IPA. Kaaad Spring IPA decided screw that malty British style IPA and went the American hop route. But apparently they weren't certain what hops to use. So they used them all. Summit, Chinook, Simcoe, Centennial, Amarillo and Cascade hops are the rocket fuel in this little hop-blast. The aroma is... everything. Pine, citrus, mango, grapefruit, you name it... while on the tongue, bitter and sweet. A great little find! About $6 a bottle at the LCBO. If you see it, grab it. You can thank me later.

More tart than sweet, Amsterdam's Framboise is a "one and
done" but still, give 'er a shot. It's a summer-time thing...

Next on deck from Beer Musketeer Cat's home brewery, Amsterdam, is their raspberry-infused Framboise. On the nose, all raspberry. On the tongue, all raspberry... though it has just enough tartness to carry me past the sweet. I quite like it but doubt I could have more than one per sitting. Amsterdam should consider dropping this into the Fruit Beer category of a beer competition - I suspect it might medal. Also it's not pumpkin-related in the least and is 6.5% so it's got that going for it.

Okay, recently the Beer Store closest to mine closed for two weeks for renovation and while they were closed, we took on their employees because in essence, our business doubled and our empties purchases seemed to triple. We needed their help. Desperately.

They named a beer after me? Do I get,
like, royalties or something? Free beer?

So anyway, one night, I found myself working with present co-worker Marie and former co-worker Karen, two ladies in their 30s. They were talking about one of Karen's co-workers, a guy who apparently wears "skinny jeans". That they even make skinny jeans for guys at all baffles me - not one guy I know wouldn't wear track-pants all day, every day if we could get away with it. So when the conversation steered to his, uh, junk, I noted that guys don't usually notice that kind of stuff. They outright scoffed because well, women are constantly checking out other women... right down to a molecular level. So what do guys notice about other guys, they asked. I had to think for a second. Then it struck me. Facial hair. If a dude is rocking a sick-ass beard or a sweet 'stache, that's something we notice and appreciate. They seemed confused so I offered a case-in-point.

After a shift one day, I popped into an LCBO for a few newbies. Young guy there laughed and asked if I forgot to buy my beer at work. I smiled and said no, I had my beers... just looking for a few extra odds-and-sods to add a little ethnic beer diversity to the fridge at Donny's Bar and Grill. As I wandered through their Craft Beer aisle, he came flying up to me with a Lake of Bay's Cujo, a blonde ale named after former Toronto Maple Leaf goalie, Curtis Joseph, above right.

"Jim, I drank the Vulcan Ale. Remember I enjoyed serving
with you. And while I am dying, please live long and prosper."

"Do you like hockey?" he asked. I dunno - kind of a weird question for one Canadian to ask another but anyway... So he handed over the Cujo, which I took. Why? As I told the girls, he had a big-ass lumberjack beard and he was just a kid - I thought that was cool. How was it? Not too bad, actually. Kind of gets panned on RateBeer but this 8% beer wasn't too shabby. Grassy on the nose with some mild hoppiness (Saaz hops, likely), it's malty on the tongue. My favourite LoB beer is their Mocha Porter and while this is not pushing it out of the top spot, I quite enjoyed it. Good call, Beard Boy.

But "Grab Your Crotch Tuesdays" and "Soil Yourself
Thursdays" will continue on, business as usual, right?

One beer I bought for Beer Musketeers Glenn and Cat when they descended on Donny's Bar and Grill was one they never had. A Vulcan Ale, brewed specifically for Vulcan, Alberta's Centennial celebrations by Harvest Moon Brewery in Montana. What can I tell you? This stuff is killer... and by killer, I mean, set your phasers on "kill", not "stun". Don't shoot at the Romulans. Send cases of this crap over to their ship and let them die them naturally. An Irish Red? Not hardly. Imagine a bag of barley that's been left out in the rain and then sun and then more rain for seven weeks. That's the aroma. I wish the taste even came close to matching that. You know how you watch a really crappy Nicholas Cage movie and you walk away thinking, "Well, it could be worse, I suppose. I could actually be Nicholas Cage." This beer aspires to ascend to that level of badness. If I have done one decent, one noble, one saintly thing in my life, it is this - I did not inflict this Stephen King horror story of a beer on my fellow Musketeers.

Okay, that's plenty for today. As for myself, I am off to play the Bob Marley Drinking Game. What's that, you ask? Well, you play Marley's song, Jammin' and every time he says "jammin", you drink half a beer. My personal best? Two and a half listens before I was on the floor like a dirty sock. Here, you try: The Bob Marley Drinking Game Good luck. It's a damn hard game. Don't front-load the ganja prior to the game... it'll kill you faster than Vulcan Ale

Well, guys and dolls, this has been a blast... but that's it, that's all and I am outta here! As always, until next time, I remain...

Ontario, BC dominate the CBAs

Usually you have to be pretty baked for a statue
to talk to you, much less respond on Twitter...

The damnedest thing happened to me after I posted my last blog about funky old Canadian stubby bottle labels on Twitter. An inanimate object talked to me... Tweeted me, actually.

After posting it on Google+ and then Facebook, I went onto Twitter to post it there, as well... so that, you know, movie stars and supermodels had access to it because, well, we all know what dreary lives they lead. Anything I can do to help them through the tedium of their day. (And yet, still no Time Magazine Man Of The Year honours... what up with that, Time? It's not like I'm asking for the Nobel Peace Prize here... though you gotta assume that would follow, right?)

So I wrote, "A pretty cool look at some old Canadian stubby beer bottle labels... and who the hell is Frank Ney?" followed by the link. (The late Frank Ney was the long-running Mayor of Nanaimo, BC, and was pictured on a beer bottle label back in the 1960s - the lead-off to the blog.)

Almost instantly I got Tweeted back: "Who the hell are you?" The Tweet was from - I kid you not - Statue of Frank Ney (Twitter handle - @FrankNeyStatue).

When Brewmaster Adrian Popowycz shifted
from Black Oak Brewery to Great Lakes Brewery
in June 2011, it was the beginning of something
big for GLB, the Canadian Brewery of the Year

Well, after busting a gut laughing, I applauded the statue on Twitter for its clever and thoroughly unexpected comeback. But the statue wasn't done with me just yet. It Tweeted again: "There's a Frank Ney's Beer Drinking Game, by the way. Here's the details..." with a link, attached to the account. It said: "The Frank Ney's Beer Drinking Game is all the ladies take a drink and then give Uncle Frank a big ol' smooch."

I am quite certain that never before in my life has a statue made me laugh quite so hard, twice in one afternoon. Well played, you crazy-ass, slightly-perverted statue, well played...

Okay, last Saturday at the Fredericton Convention Centre in New Brunswick, the 2014 Canadian Brewing Awards were handed out and man, did some of our Ontario brewers do well. With Ontario and British Columbia virtually deadlocked, snagging 41 and 40 awards respectively, it was the Beast From The East versus the Best Of The West.

Hands down, the single biggest winner of the day had to be Toronto's Great Lakes Brewery, which captured Brewery of the Year honours for the second straight year.

Great Lakes Brewery goes two-for-two at the CBAs...

The brewery swept the American Style India Pale Ale, possibly the most fiercely-contested category of the event, with gold to their Thrust! An IPA, silver to their Karma Citra IPA and bronze to their My Bitter Wife IPA, a big favourite of Beer Musketeer Glenn, who I'll wager is on the verge of abandoning his hometown 5 Paddles Brewing and adopting GLB as his home brewer in its stead. If it means sleeping on an old army cot among their vats, well, that's a sacrifice he'd be willing to make, zoning laws be damned. After all, Beer Musketeer Cat has Amsterdam Brewery as a neighbour, here in Burlington, I have Nickel Brook Brewery while down in New Zealand, Stevil St Evil has his boys at Garage Project around the corner. Back to the point, the three winning Great Lakes' IPAs notched 94, 99 and 95 respectively on RateBeer.

Every single time Glenn has one of
these, he babbles on about Carrie
Nation, a driving force behind the
Temperance movement to whom this
beer is attributed. It's why we caution
all brewers: please do not put too
much reading material on your labels
because Glenn insists on reading us
every single word you have written.

Truth to tell, I haven't had the Thrust! or KarmaCitra, simply because I've never seen them. The craft breweries release so many one-offs and special editions that you may miss a few. But I have had the My Bitter Wife IPA and concur with Glenn. Huge citrus and pine on the nose, caramel and hoppy bitterness on the tongue, this is a strong IPA, part of the brewery's ongoing Tank Ten series. I reviewed their Lake Effects IPA, also part of the Tank Ten run, here sometime before Christmas and was equally impressed. This brewery absolutely continues to knock it out of the park with their IPAs. I am also a huge fan of their hoppy, punchy Crazy Canuck Pale Ale which is a regularly and happily-imbibed session beer here at Donny's Bar and Grill.

A surprise bronze winner in the North American Style Lager was Guelph's F&M Brewery's StoneHammer Light, which I had recently as part of a StoneHammer Mix Pack, which also contained my beloved Coffee Oatmeal Stout (the beer that kept me alive during the frigid outdoor Winter Beer Festival at Steam Whistle), their Pilsner and Dark Ale. The surprise is simply that a light beer snagged a medal in the hotly-contested lager category. With its slightly fruity apple aroma and malty corn on the tongue, this is actually pretty good for a light beer, which I never drink. Except it was in the fridge and the empty was worth 10-cents so...

For an Amber/Red Ale, this is my favourite IPA

Another surprise winner - and one I know will make Cat very happy - was the gold for Amsterdam's Boneshaker IPA in the North American Style Amber/Red Ale category, rather than the IPA division. That category clearly has a lot of latitude but frankly, I don't care because I have enjoyed many a Boneshaker over the past year. Another big Amsterdam gold went to their Spring Bock in the Traditional German Style Bock. Cat, who is trapped as an instructor at Music Camp this week, overseeing hundreds of elementary and high school students somewhere up in the Ontario boondocks, may or may not have tripped and accidentally had one of these fall into her mouth up there. Accidents happen. We'll know when she returns.

Okay, a category that had all of Beer Musketeers crowing with delight was the Imperial India Pale Ale where Barrie's Flying Monkey's Shoulders of Giants took gold while my homeboys Nickel Brook's Immodest IIPA took silver. We were all hoping these would land one and two, regardless of order. A while back, I noted these were the two best Canadian IIPAs I had ever had - and it's personally satisfying to see that validated here with the appropriate hardware.

Nickel Brook Brewmaster Ryan Morrow
added a number of feathers to his cap at
the CBAs with two Pale Ale medals and
another in the Imperial IPA category. He
collected another silver in the American
Style Black Ale for Malevolent BIIPA.

And finally, another category that has both Glenn and myself thrilled - the North American Style Pale Ale - where Glenn's favorite Rhyme & Reason by contract brewer Collective Arts Brewing took gold and my Nickel Brook besties took silver for their Naughty Neighbour APA. I'm claiming victory for both of these - sorry, Glenn - as Nickel Brook Brewmaster Ryan has created both. Quite a weekend for this young superstar.

And finally, a raise of the frosty mug to Ole Yale Brewery out of Chilliwack, BC, who took Beer of the Year honours with thir Sasquatch Stout - a beer that I, of course, now dearly want to sample. Further to that, even though I've only seen fuzzy pictures of him, I believe Sasquatch exists and my reasoning is that I've seen plenty of fuzzy pictures of me and I know I exist. As you can see, you cannot refute my logic because it is flawless. *Takes a bow... promptly trips...* Also to all the breweries that won and the especially strong showing from BC, cheers to you all! Okay, I included it last time but here it is again - the link to all the winners at the Canadian Brewing Award right here at: Cheers To Canada's Best!!

Courtesy of Stevil St Evil's Photoshop wizardry,  Cat gets pied by the
students at her Summer Music Camp in God-Knows-Where, Ontario

Glenn, too, has a thing or two to say in his blog about the CBAs in which he declares this: Ontario Crowned King of the IPAs.

Next up, holy crap on a stick, we have some treats for y'all. Lake of Bay's Cujo Blonde Ale is on deck, as is Left Field Brewery's Resin Bag IPA. Also in the line-up, straight from Denmark, Kaaad Spring IPA, Beau's All Natural Brewing's Wag The Wolf Hopfenweisse, Amsterdam Brewery's Framboise, a raspberry-infused fruit beer... and finally, the most mysterious, the most devilish and clearly the most evil of the bunch, Muskoka Brewery's Legendary Oddity, which coyly only described itself as a "Strong Flavoured Beer." If you don't hear from me, send the cops to Muskoka Brewery. Or go there yourself and demand some answers... and then politely ask for beer. And promptly forget about me. I would... if it was you.

Okay, guys and dolls, that's another in the books so... that's it, that's all and I am outta here!!! Until next time, I remain as always...

Who is Frank Ney and why is he on a beer bottle?

Who was Frank Ney... and
why is he on this beer bottle?

I have often said that if I ever go missing, don't put my picture on milk cartons. People who drink milk are never gonna recognize me. No, put it on beer bottles because that would make more sense. A beer drinker stands a better chance of looking at the pic and say, "Holy crap, is that Donny?" Granted with a couple of my friends, if they saw my pic on their beer, it's equally likely for them to look around and wonder where the hell they were, as well. Another advantage of this approach is that if the beer drinkers find me, there's a pretty good chance we'll be stopping for a few wobblies on the way back to wherever I'm lost from... (Let's rule out "church" right from the start...) And depending on who finds me, I might choose to remain lost... for a few more days.

But people's pictures tend not to land on beer bottles, especially their labels... or do they? In the Facebook 4-way private message between the Beer Musketeers, Stevil St Evil shared a link the other day which was, in essence, a tribute to the Canadian stubby beer bottle of yester-year. (I'll throw the link up at the end with several others.) Frankly, to me, it was fascinating - like an abridged picture-book edition of a significant era in Canadian Beer History.

Instantly, Stevil and I started plucking pictures from the link (Cat is at Music Camp and Glenn is planning a move so basically it was the two of us pouring through it) and posting them with little cheeky comments from the Monkey Gallery. Under the picture above left of Frank Ney's Beer, Stevil noted: "Hmmmm, who is this guy? Because he is both smooth and mellow!" Well, that certainly piqued my curiousity. Who was Frank Ney and how the hell did his smiling mug land on a beer label. Because that's certainly something on both my and Stevil's Bucket List!

By the ocean front in Nanaimo, BC, a statue of
Frank Ney, complete in his pirate outfit! Aaaarrr!

Well, as irony would have it, Stevil is the only one of the four of us who has spend any significant time in the geographic vicinity of Frank Ney's turf. As it turns out, Frank was the Mayor of Nanaimo, B.C. from 1968-1984 and again from 1987-90 and geezuz, was this dude colourful and a crap-pile o' fun. Turn out Frank, a.k.a. Black Frank, was a very eccentric but hugely popular politician in his town, often dressing up as a pirate for public events, as well as, on occasion, a pearly king or Mississippi Riverboat gambler. Although really, why veer from being a pirate.... aaaarrr. (Ladies, little-known fact about men. We are physically incapable of saying the word 'pirate' without adding 'aaaarrr'. It's hardwired into our DNA.) He was completely responsible for creating the town's continuing tradition of bath-tub races, responding by written letter to pretty much anyone who corresponded to him but get this - he was also one of the town's premier developers prior to his run as Mayor! In 1960, he bought and developed nearby Protection Island (previously named Douglas Island), parceled it into lots and then had his office staff dress as pirates while organizing Treasure Hunts for Silver Dollars to lure lot buyers. The crazy-ass stunt worked - 300 lots were purchased on the first weekend with the balance sold soon after.

Joseph, Mary and the Little
Baby Jeebus: how on earth
did Carling-O'Keefe get away
with this? Look familiar???

Somehow, Frank shook off that rep (though land developers are not dissimilar to pirates), won office and since his passing in 1992, I'm gonna guess he still remains the town's most cherished politicians in memory. The above swashbuckling statue certainly attests to that. "I'd seen that statue when I passed through Nanaimo," admits Stevil, "but had no idea who it was." When Frank was running the Nanaimo show, all three major Canadian players - Molson's, Labatt and Carling-O'Keefe - all had breweries in every major Canadian city and it was the Carling-O'Keefe's Vancouver brewery used to crank out the Frank Ney's Beer. Indeed, those were the days when a Canadian politician could be crazy, a little off-centre and we liked it.

Okay, up next is the curious care of Carling-O'Keefe's Standard Lager. They always say, "Imitation is the greatest form of flattery." Okay, gang at Cheers, you know doesn't say that? Copyright infringement lawyers. Does that label (circa 1982) to the left look a bit familiar? Maybe kinda, sorta look a little exactly like Budweiser? The folks at American giant Anheuser-Busch certainly thought so. Did it go to court? Ah yeah, many times. Turns out the Standard Lager label was registered way back in 1929 by Carling although Budweiser's label also existed then. The Standard Lager label wasn't exactly as you see it here but mostly similar - though I could only find a black-and-white version from 1929 and colouring is relevant, too. I read through an article about it and don't know if the battle is over but I'll tell you this for free. I have never seen this label on a beer so let's assume Anheuser-Busch won this little squirmism.

From Drummond Brewery in
Alberta - "Beer". That's it, just...
Beer. Not even like Bob's Beer.
Or Frank's Beer. Just... Beer

One that had two of us laughing out loud was Columbia Brewing's Mountain Brew Man-Style Beer. What the hell is "Man Style" beer? Drink one, you grow a full beard? Drink six and you qualify for a MMA cage match? Drink 12 and you don't need a saw or an ax to cut down an 90-year-old Oak tree. Drink a whole case and Hugh Hefner hands over the keys to the Playboy Mansion? Even just looking at the label instantly gave me six-pack abs. Granted, they're under a considerable layer of protective fat but dammit, I can feel them! Rock. Hard.

And then from Drummond Brewery in Alberta, there's "Beer". That's it - Beer. (Also from Drummond? Light Beer!) "This is what happens when the marketing guys get drunk at lunch and run out of ideas," snickered Stevil.

Anyway, it is remarkable little of Canadiana looking at these old labels. Take a look for yourself here at: Cool Old Stubby Labels

Okay, next up according to Paste Magazine is the 100 American Craft Beers That Every Beer-Lover Should Try. Being up here in Canada, I've only had four - Brooklyn Brewery Lager (98), Samuel Adams Lager (93), Dogfish Head 90 Minute IPA (91) and Anchor Steam Beer (78). But basically this just became my American Craft Beer Bucket List, especially The Alchemist Heady Topper (3) and Russian River's Pliny The Elder (2), beers I have heard raves about by the online craft community. But all of them really. What I liked about this list - it wasn't snobby. They were careful to incorporate every beer style from lagers through stouts, including a *ugh* pumpkin ale.

Here we have a typical Canadian protest. The second sign is revealing in
that it's usually the  reason why we always forget what were protesting...

May pass on that - no, wait, it's on the list so I have to... *sigh* Regardless, here's the list right here: The 100 Top American Craft Beers Use the list wisely. It's not a play-toy. And props to the Paste gang for looking across the beer spectrum!

Next up, we look at last Saturday's winners at the 2014 Canadian Brewing Awards, held out in New Brunswick at the Fredericton Convention Centre. Ontario and BC totally dominated so we'll look at the big winners - Great Lakes Brewery out of Toronto did huge! - and go over some of the best of the best. My Canadian Craft Beer Bucket List always has more than a fair few crossed off... then there's hundreds more. If you want a sneak peak, here's a list of the winners right here: 2014 Winners At The CBAs

Okay, guys and dolls, as I said, next up in a few days is the results of the Canadian Brewing Awards, plus a handful of others. But for now, that's it, that's all and I am outta here!!! Until next time, I remain...