Matty keeps us all on the... Level

This was the picture I had to beat. Curtis snapped this at
the cottage and Matty gave it a Level 104. No, that's not a
branded Lake of Bays Brewing glass. But he had found
an old cottage glass with paddles painted on it, poured his
Paddle On Session IPA into it and *bam* a Level 104 pic!

I'm not even sure I noticed the first few times Ottawa Matty did it. In the grand scheme of the vast universe known as Twitter, it could have passed by, completely unnoticed.

Still, it didn't. Eventually, we started noticing and, well, now it's become this big competitive monster thing. But in the most fun and friendly of ways. Because that's how Matty (and the rest of us) roll.

Ottawa Matty has been scoring our beer pictures. Actually, he has been for a while now. So what's the big deal?

Just this. Whereas we ALL post beer pictures ALL the time, things have been altered a little. Now we're actually thinking about our pictures. Putting some effort into them. I mean, our Ontario Craft Beer brewers put a lot of effort into their product. Now because of Matty, some of us are now putting a little more effort into how we represent that same product on social media via the use of photography.

Some people have always done this, most notably Drunk Polkaroo. I remember Lady Polk telling me once that she'd see him set up a beer for a picture and instantly belly-flop onto the ground to get just the right angle.

"I. Am. A. Golden. God!" yells Ottawa Matty... from the sanctity of
his children's pool. This was last Saturday and I saw it while I was at
work. Knowing Matty was doing a little Day Drinking, in the hot sun,
no less, I hatched my brilliant plan to nab the high score in his Photo
Scoring contest. Did it work? At the moment, you are reading the
words of the Highest Score Holder. That can all change... in a flash.

Barrie Beer Brother (and our favourite soldier boy) Hago has always done likewise. In fact, at Canadian Forces Base Borden, where he still plies his trade, Hago has actually taught Photography classes. During his last stint overseas, Hago was not armed with a rifle. (Well, maybe he was. Probably was.) No, any shooting he did involved a camera as he went over to take pictures, acting as an Official Photographer for CFB Borden, I believe. (Trust me, if I'm wrong, Hago will correct me.)

But the rest of us? Meh, put it on a flat surface, take a quick pic and post it on Twitter. No muss, no fuss - here's what I'm drinking at this exact moment.

At some point, Matty started scoring them, adding comments such as, "Level 82 glassware combo. Bonus points for scenic setting and weathered deck." A "Level XX glassware combo" simply means you're drinking a beer with a branded glass from the brewery whose beer you're drinking. Like I said, I didn't even notice at first. I have a lot of brewery glasses now. In fact, the last time Beer Bro Glenn stopped into Casa Donny (we were off to see Avengers: Endgame on opening weekend and man, it was one crowded shit-show), it was the first thing he noticed. I have little doubt I was briefly his hero... well, until Tony Stark showed us both what real heroes do. Glenn and I have gone more the "Thor gets fat" route.

While my picture "Lake of Bays Peach Paradise... meet peach, pair of
dice" elicited moans from Jackie and Emma, the brewery's social media
pros, it scored high marks with Judge Matty. And he has the final word. 

So I started paying attention to his scoring. Know your judge! He definitely likes pictures of beers in a branded glass, meaning simply if you're drinking a Great Lakes beer, you'll get higher marks if it's in a Great Lakes glass.

So that became Rule #1 for this contestant: Brand that shit up! Then I noticed he seems to prefer outside shots - background foliage, a scenic poolside, wooden decks and the like. (Know your judge!) In fact, I scored very well with a picture of a Cameron's Brewing 12 Mile India Pale Lager, not just because it was Cameron's glass but also sitting upon a "weathered deck." Weathered would be a charitable description of my deck at the moment.

Oh for crying out, Curtis. You're killing me here! When he
posted this Brassroots Brewing's Darkwood Blackberry
Saison picture yesterday, his Level 122 score nearly took me
off the throne. If he had used a Brassroots glass (which I
don't think exists yet), he would have blown me out of the
water. BUT I'M WATCHING YOU, CURTIS!! Don't think
I don't know you're lurking in the bushes, ready to pounce!

And the final Know Your Judge tip? Know his favourite breweries. Living on the outskirts of Ottawa, he has a ton of breweries he loves up there. But outside Ottawa, his biggies are Baysville's Lake of Bays Brewing, Kingston's Spearhead Brewing and Oakville's own Cameron's Brewing. He, no doubt, has many more. These are the ones I've recently noticed.

But I was only sort of paying attention until one day, Huntsville Bucket List IPA Brew Crew member Curtis (@BeerFromCanada) scored a Level 104 for his picture up top of the Paddle On Session IPA. It was, I believe, the first picture to go triple digits. No, it didn't have a branded glass but he somehow found on old glass in the cottage cupboard with paddles painted on. There was some mention of having to fight mosquitoes to get his shot so I'm sure bravery points were tacked on. Hmm, Curtis had now proven that Judge Matty wasn't afraid to go over 100.

So I started posting more and more pictures, paying heed to exactly what was being said in the judging. (See "Know Your Judge!" above.) Got a few Level 100s but more importantly, discovered relevant criteria for his higher scores.

This "rose between two thorns" is Amanda from Spearhead Brewing,
who caught up with Matty and Joel at the recent Orleans Beer Festival.
I warned her that associating with such unsavoury gents could be very
damaging, she nonetheless braved it out. (And Amanda, both guys told
me how fantastic you were that day. So maybe they're not so bad, eh?)

So I waited. And plotted. And schemed. The high score must be mine!!! (If this all seems a tad obsessive, may I just say... guilty as charged.) 

Last Saturday, I saw my opening. While I was at work, Matty had posted pictures of himself drinking Lake of Bays Peach Paradise Milkshake IPA in his kids' splash pool. Day-drinking? Perfect. I would have his judging at its most vulnerable. He has previously admitted that his judging was a little looser after a few wobblies. (Know your judge!)

So I lined up my photograph accordingly, using all the tenets of, well, Know Your Judge, and came up with a brilliant (if not slightly sneaky) photo. One of his favourite beers, two branded glasses, outside props, a lame Dad Joke and a weathered deck.

Curtis here is the Newman to my Seinfeld. Hmmm, actually
given the way I schemed and weaseled my way to a Matty
high score, I'm actually the Newman here. But Curtis, your
pictures? "They're gold, Jerry. GOLD!" Never mind "Know
Your Judge." You gotta know your "Competition" as well.

As you can see above, I lined up a Lake of Bays Peach Paradise Milkshake IPA in a branded glass, had another branded glass filled with peach chunks and beside it, a pair of dice. Drawing Matty's attention to it, I noted, "Lake of Bays Peach Paradise meet... peach, pair of dice."

And I waited. Joel was on it quickly. "Level 200!" he declared. Not long afterwards, Lake of Bays social media pros Jackie and Emma weighed in, as well, with a GIF of Fozzie Bear doing a facepalm. You see, here's the thing. My little play on words was basically a Dad Joke. You know who winces at Dad Jokes? Teenage daughters, as well as those in their 20s. Jackie and Emma fall into the latter category. But you know who LOVES Dad Jokes? Other Dads. Guess what Matty is? Know Your Judge!

Soon Matty saw it. His response? "Level 124 glassware combo. Multiple glassware bonus, weathered deck, canned peach (peach emoji). Peach dice (dice emoji). +6 bonus unlocked." Holy crap, I thought, a Level 124. No one's ever gonna beat a 124.

Cameron's Brewing director of sales for LCBOs,
TBS and grocery sales is my man, Kyle Riddell,
who texted me to pop by because he had a little
surprise for me. Turned out to be a BIG one! I was
not expecting Cameron's Jurassic IPA or their
Skeleton Crew Evil Genius Session IPA to be out
for a few weeks yet. Wrong again. However, we're
still a couple of weeks away from Skeleton Crew
Knucklebone Bone IPA. And just like that, our
friends at Cameron's will have THREE IPAs out.

That is until Curtis scored a Level 122 yesterday with his photo of Brassroots Brewing's (contract brewed out of Sawdust City Brewing at the moment) Darkwood Blackberry Saison. Damn you, Curtis, that's way too close!!! And he even did it without a branded glass because Brassroots doesn't even have those yet. That's like one of the main criteria. He has that and we're talking Level 150.

So I must remain ever vigilant now. It's not just Curtis, either. Sudbury Danny, Nepean Beer Store Bro Ben, Ottawa Joel, Linda Beer, Stittsville Jeff and many more... well, they're all framing their beer pics fancier and more scenic-like these days, asking Matty for scores. Level 124 will be surpassed soon. Things are about to get creative - and maybe a little cray cray - with craft beer pictures this Summer. Should be fun. Matty, you opened one helluva can of worms. Hope you're up for it, brother!!!

Okay, Oakville Boy Donny (that would be me - honestly, I'm the only Donny in town, though we do have a lot of Chads and Brads) was pretty jacked to get a text today from Kyle Riddell at Cameron's Brewing today. Seems he had a surprise for me. It wasn't a subpoena so, you know, that's always good.

So I pop on down as I have a day off and it's just three minutes from my place. And there they were. Two new IPAs - the Cameron's Jurassic IPA and the Skeleton Crew Evil Genius Session IPA. Well, hot snot, Doris, put the church clothes on the children and let's go!

Well, I totally boned up the whole Skeleton Crew connection with
Cameron's Brewing in my last blog, suggesting the brewery was
connected to another in Wisconsin. It's not. Skeleton Crew is the
new wing of Cameron's where they're going to do experimental and
wild stuff like sours, IPAs, what-have-you. Did I mention they're
just three minutes down the hill from me? Happy, happy, joy, joy.

(Yeah, I have no idea what I mean by that, either.)

Okay, I learned a couple of things. First of all, Kyle is a busy dude with over 1,700 accounts to keep track of between the Beer Store, the LCBO and the grocery stores. I took 10 minutes of his day away and felt guilty. (It's cool - beer washed away the guilt. Pretty quickly, too. Actually, it might have been gone when I was behind the wheel of my car. Who really knows?)

Holy frijoles, they hit the jackpot with these two. Kyle mentioned he had enjoyed something of a Evil Genius Session IPA run last night and he looked bright-eyed and bushy-tailed. I'm not surprised. At just 4.5% and 34 IBU, this has some awesome fruit on the nose and a huge resiny pine on the back end. Hello, New Hockey Beer!! The Jurassic IPA, well, whoa! Mango, grapefruit on the nose, light pine on the back end, 6.8% and 68 IBUs. Welcome to the hophead big leagues, Cameron's! Great day for Donny! But Scooby Doo Gang, that's it, that's all and I am outta here! Until next time, I remain...