#IGBrewCrew gets their Welly's on!

This was the #IGBrewCrew in action at Wellington Brewing
on January 11. And believe me, we put the "inactive" into
"in action." But we made ourselves what we believe to be a
fantastic British-style old-school Stout called 5/5. We'll see!

Like most of us, I seldom venture onto my emails these days. Emails are pretty 1990-2010, the era when they were the cutting edge of communication technology. These days, I can relay a personal message to pretty much anyone in the world through phone texts, Facebook, Twitter or Whats App. And I do. Much to their annoyance. (Hey, gang, whatever emotions happen on their end of the phone is their issue, not mine.)

So when I got an email from one Kenneth Pyper, I immediately thought, "Oh, I wonder which collection agency he represents." And then when I saw the subject line, "Brew Day," I thought, "Ohhh, man, they're getting good." This is how they lull you into a false sense of security. They find your weakness and exploit it.

Well, it turned out that he was better known to me (to all of us, really) as Ken, The Ontario Beer Guy. (The Kenneth thing threw me off just as someone calling out "Donald!" is unlikely to illicit any reaction from me.) And on that December morning, he was inviting me to be part of a Brew Day on January 11 at Wellington Brewing in Guelph, one of Ontario's oldest craft breweries.

This would be me and my Malt Partner, Tiffany, who's
probably better known as "The Travelling Pint" on
Instagram and Twitter. She decided on that name
because The Traveling Wilburys was already taken.

I responded instantly that yeah, I'd always wanted to visit Wellington as their Imperial Russian Stout is a major love of mine. (I also love some people but the beer list is larger and more deeply felt.) And then, as Odin is my witness, I responded a day later and asked, "Wait, what's Brew Day?" I suspect my question alone to something that obvious was enough to make Ken ponder the use of the "buddy system" at the brewery. And in my specific case, a leash.

So he explained that we go there, we make a beer, we drink some beer and then we publicize the fun on social media. Well, I'm not bragging but I score an A+ for all of those things... except the making of the beer part, which is new to me. But I am certainly down to learn a new skill. So long as it's beer-related, anyway. It turns out there's a gang of fun-loving hooligans, co-founded by Ken himself, called the #IGBrewCrew (the Instagram Brew Crew) that travel from brewery to brewery making funky new beers. And I was being invited to join the fun. So I asked my immediate superior at work, Trey, if he could spring me on a Friday, traditionally a busy day at the Beer Store, and his muttered response was "Yes, please."

Boy, the #IGBrewCrew cannot thank these two fellows
enough for their guidance on Brew Day. That would be
Brewmaster Marvin Dyck on the left and owner Brent
Davies on the right. Marvin walked us all through the
brewing process during the day while Brent took time
out of his hectic schedule to give us the history of the
brewery over our lunch-hour. Just two fantastic guys!

I'm not sure what that means but it's gotta be good, right?

So I dutifully drove to Guelph that early morning on January 11 and with the help of Google Maps,("No, not that left, you idiot, the other left...") landed at Wellington Brewery, a town fixture since 1985.

Once inside in their quite-large taproom, our crew, which numbered 14 sleepy-eyed, need-coffee (they had some for us) wannabe brewers, was greeted by Karyn Boscariol, Welly's events coordinator-media-community outreach person, who walked us through how the day was going to proceed. ("In an orderly fashion" was not mentioned once.) She then introduced us to the man who would be our Brew Shepherd for the day - Marvin Dyck. Yes, the very same Marvin Dyck who is Wellington's Brewmaster. Basically, an Ontario Legend. For us? Well, now, this just got better and better.

I recognized a few people. Ken, of course, but also Tiffany Martin, aka Travelling Pint on Twitter and Instagram, as well as Steve Hukari, one-quarter of the founding members of South Ontario Beer Boys (@SOBeerBoys), who have at this point raised over $20,000 for McMaster's Sick Children's Hospital in little more than a year.

"Okay, here's where you earn your keep today," said Marvin on the
left. Wait, what? Physical labour? Why was I not warned of this?
Well, we poured malts into a bucket so physical might be overselling
it a little. But Ken is eyeing those bags pretty warily, I would say.

Okay, so what would we be brewing on this fine January morning? Well, Marvin informed us we would be creating a British-Style Stout. That met with a 100% Approval Rating from our rag-tag squad. And that meant LOTS of malts! So off to the malt room we wandered where Marvin had a crap-ton of bags waiting for us. He got us to pair up for a ceremony that could only be called "The Pouring Of Malts Into A Five-Gallon Home Depot Pail Resting On An Old-School Weight Scale." Religious experience. My kind of denomination, too. So Tiffany and I paired off and were charged with the pouring of the Smoked Barley Flakes, one of almost a dozen malts that were used. So I poured the bag, which was not actually heavy but just a little awkward because it's grain. It went like this. Tiffany: "Okay, more, more, more... a little more, little bit more... okay, way too much." I'm not a professional pourer, people!

What I didn't realize until afterward is that
another Ontario Craft Beer Legend was
among us. Karyn Boscariol, shown here in
a Guelph Today online photo by Kenneth
Armstrong, is founder of Queen of Craft
brewing sessions at Wellington whereby
women take over the brewery for a day and
do what we did in an inclusive environment.

Marvin assured the pair of us that you can't have enough malts in a good stout and that a little extra Smoked Barley Flakes was just fine. So when you try it, if you notice, "Hey, that's some real strong Toasted Barley Flakes in this," yeah, that's Tiffany and me doing our thing.

Okay, once we all poured our buckets of malt, this giant vacuum-like tube transported it all to the initial boil in a huge kettle where we would be taking turns stirring it with a paddle. And I mean a literal canoe paddle that had huge holes drilled in it. Lousy for use at the lake, perfect for beer. 

From there, we wandered from place-to-place throughout the brewery, first to the canning and bottling area where we were told exactly how the beer lands in those containers. Humongous rolls of all-too-familiar labels were stacked throughout the area. And for the uninitiated, not-yet-labelled cans come down the track in the canning machine without tops, are filled, and then the tops are sealed on. Bottles, same premise. Uncapped, filled, then capped. And then labelled. Later, we buy them and drink them. The Circle of Life but for beer. It all starts with a heavy dose of too much Smoked Barley Flakes and travels forward.

From there, it was over to the production area where Brewer Jeremy, in his stain-covered clothes (hence, the hardest worker there), explained how the big computers behind him - and we're talking NASA-looking stuff here - basically monitors every single batch of beer being brewed at various stages throughout the brewery at that exact moment.

Show me a brewer in dirty stained clothes and
I'll show you a brewer earning his keep. Here,
Jeremy walks us through how the automation at
Wellington monitors every batch in every vat.

Now normally, at this point, I would rail on with my "But This Is How The Machines Take Over!!" conspiracy theory. However, there were many in the group I didn't really know so I kept that to myself. No one wants to be thought of as "Hey, do you remember Weird Machine Conspiracy Guy?"

At this point, we had done all we could do, vis-a-vis the brewing process so it was back to the tap-room where Karyn explained some packaging. She had talked to their designer and he had suggested we call the beer "5 out of 5 Foreign Export Stout." Being as the room was filled with Instagrammers who constantly rate beers online, that met with overwhelming approval. In fact, I voiced my consent by noting loudly (my only volume), "I knew if I lived long enough, I knew I would get a perfect score at something," I announced. "Now I've finally done it. I've lived my dream. I'm not even gonna wear a seatbelt on the drive home!!"

Now, a quick side-note on Karyn Boscariol, if I may. It turns out during my subsequent research that she has a pretty impressive accomplishment. She is the founder of Queen of Craft, a group of women who come in and take over the brewery in a friendly, non-threatening environment. 

Brewmaster Marvin adds the final ingredient: yeast.
So what does yeast look like? Well, imagine if you
will, grayish porridge. Hard to believe something so
ugly is part of something so beautiful as tasty beer.

As she told cbc.ca in a March 2017 interview, "We're looking at a paradigm shift where women are now becoming participants in beer. (The) craft beer industry is booming and almost 40 per cent of all craft beer breweries are run by women or employed by women." To that end, any beer brewed by Queen of Craft sees a portion donated to Guelph-Wellington Women-In-Crisis, certainly a worthy cause. I last had their Spice Oddysey Chai Latte Stout and damn it was good.

Moving along, our lunch hour was highlighted with a visit and talk from brewery co-owner Brent Davies, who walked us through the history of Wellington Brewing, what the day-to-day activities were around there and basically, everything we needed to know about the outfit in a nutshell. He fielded questions, offered up observations and even thanked us for making the trip there. (I made sure I shook his hand and thanked him before he left.)

After lunch came more work and this one was actual physical labour. With the contents shifted out of the brewing vat, a giant door was opened at the bottom where all the spent grain remained. Our job? Rake that used grain out into huge buckets so the tank could be cleaned afterwards. So I did what I always do when physical exertion is involved.

Steve Hukari of the Southern Ontario Beer boys puts
his back into the raking of the spent malts. And I
applaud his effort and the efforts of others who took
the rake to clean out the vat. Just when I was ready
to, it was all done. It's really funny how that works...

I broke out my camera and started taking pictures of everyone. You see, no one ever thinks to stop the person taking pictures. No one ever hands us the work rake. Why? Because people like having their picture taken. You wanna get out of work? Carry a camera. And if you have an old-school digital camera like mine, they think, "Oh, he must be like the serious photographer here." It's really that simple.

And so you know, I took it upon myself to investigate an increasingly common craft beer brewer phenomena during the day. In a quiet moment when we were walking from place to place in the brewery during the process, I had an opportunity to ask Marvin the same question you would ask any Ontario Craft Beer Legend, should you come face-to-face with one. "How long did it take you to grow that beard?" For the curious, it took him about two years. Aren't you glad I was there to ask? I leave no mystery uncovered. And for the record, I think the gray streaks are natural.

With the final pouring of the yeast by Marvin, our work there was done. We had made our 5 out of 5 Foreign Export Stout or at least, we had gone as far as we could go. All that remained was the fermenting and the eventual canning of what is bound to be the 2019 Beer of the Year.

It blew me away when Wellington announced
their February releases and there was our
5-out-of-5 Foreign Export Stout next to the
Chocolate Milk Stout and the new Dissolved
Splendor Bourbon Barrel-Aged Baltic Porter.
I mean, holy crap, that's our beer right there!

Within the week, Karyn emailed us all and asked how February 9th (this Saturday) worked for all of us. Well, turns that it worked just fine. (An asked-for Saturday off work, another "Yes, please" from Trey. I wonder what that means...)

And man, once the artwork was released, the Instagrammers were all over it, posting announcement of the Big Release Party from 2 to 5 pm at the brewery. Steve from Southern Ontario Beer Boys hyped the release, noting the beer was brewed by "some of Ontario's top craft beer influencers."

For the record, I don't consider myself a craft beer influencer. I just drink a lot of beer, post pictures mostly on Twitter and say, "Hey, look! I drank this!" I would say I'm more of a Craft Beer Influenza, in that I talk about beer so much, it can sometimes make you feel a little sick. That said, after over a year away, I am making my way back onto Instagram as I finally have a phone that takes killer photos. So if you're looking for something to do this Saturday from 2 to 5, come join the #IGBrewCrew at Wellington. Man, do we have a beer for you. But Scooby Doo Gang, that's it, that's all and I am outta here. Until next time, I remain...