Buck-a-beer goes flat quickly...

"Good Lord love a duck. How did I get dragged into this
little ode to beer?" wondered William Shakespeare. Let's
face it, he was far more likely to be drinking wine or mead
and is likely pissed to be dragged into this poor excuse for
literary prose. Sharper than a serpent's tooth, eh, Bill?

Well, as Shakespeare would say, that was "Much Ado About Nothing."

The Shakepearean play, thought to be written in 1599, is basically a hard-to-read ode to misunderstanding, overhearing something from another room and misinterpreting it, rumours, gossip and sexual innuendo. So basically, if you've ever seen an episode of the TV show, Three's Company, you get the gist.

But as I earlier chronicled this month, when Ontario Premier Doug Ford announced during the campaign that the Province would be returning to the 2006 glory days of "Buck-A-Beer", it was something of a smoke-and-mirrors show. Or rather... much ado about nothing.

In the end, exactly three Ontario breweries stepped up to the challenge: tiny micro Barley Days Brewing in Picton, well-known contract brewer Cool Brewing in Etobicoke and PC Brewing, based out of Kitchener-Waterloo. But in today's edition, we will simply look at PC Brewing because they ended up being the biggest player on the Buck-A-Beer field.

Was I surprised when PC Brewing, out of Kitchener-
Waterloo said they'd be joining in on the Buck-A-Beer
fiasco? Oh yes, very much so. That would soon be
replaced by the sounds of my laughter, which was
loud and louder, when I heard on Monday, they were
only doing buck-a-beer for one week. Seven days??

Now when I say that PC Brewing is based out of K-W, there is a reason. They are brewed under licence by Brick Brewing, meaning someone else makes their beer and their labels get slapped onto the bottles. That happens a lot in Ontario and is ultimately, the world's smallest deal. PC Brewing is actually owned by Loblaw's, the largest grocery chain in the Province. So long before Premier Wynne, Ford's Liberal predecessor, announced beer in the supermarkets a few years back, one grocery chain was already making beer and selling it in Ontario. Just not in their stores until that very point a few years ago.

When they announced last week that they, too, were joining the Buck-A-Beer Brigade, I was stunned. I mean, I explained before that Ford, who only lowered the minimum price on single bottles from $1.25 back to a $1/bottle, was taking no risk. He was asking brewers to drop from their lowest price - $35.50 a case - to a Buck-A-Beer or $26.40 a case. So basically, he was saying, "I want you guys to take a $9.10 loss on every case of discount beer you sell for my benefit."

Premier Doug Ford is all smiles at Etobicoke's Cool
Brewing after the announcement that the brewery was
doing something NOT COOL by joining the Buck-A-
Beer Brigade. While PC Brewing that their Buck-A-
Beer prices will only last a week, Cool, as well as Barley
Days in Picton, has not said how long they'll play the
silly game. But the price is not long-term sustainable.

I mean, in the end, as I predicted, none of the big boys (Labatt, Molson's, Sleeman and Moosehead) took the bait. So yeah, I was surprised when PC Brewing jumped aboard because they, too, were taking a $9.10 loss on every case as their brands are also discount beers. Maybe the grocery chain ownership thought they could make it up in other departments. Like, I don't know, jacking or fixing the price of bread, for instance? Just throwin' it out there as a "for instance."

But you see, every Monday at the Beer Store, we are emailed the following week's price changes. Even though I wasn't working Monday, it didn't take long for Beer Store friends to alert me that morning this was a one-week discount by PC Brewing and that after Labour Day, it would go right back up to $35.50/case.

One week? Seriously? In fairness, PC Brewing, when they made the buck-a-beer announcement, did say it was "for a limited time." One week of buck-a-beer certainly qualifies as limited. But I also had a second reaction - that of uncontrollable laughter. One. Lousy. Week. It cracked me up. But to be perfectly honest, those PC beers have been flying off the shelf so far this week. We are officially sold out and it turns out won't be able to get more until our next Brick delivery...

The Ontario Beverage Network has their own thoughts on
the Buck-A-Beer issue but struggled to come up with the
words. Fortunately, this graphic kinda says it all. No, sir!

After Labour Day. When the price goes back up. As Ned Flanders would say, "Oopsie doodle, neighbourino!" At first, customers were somewhat pissed at us until we explained that the PC beers were only meant to be Buck-A-Beer until Labour Day. And then you could see the wheels turning. Not the Beer Store's fault, certainly. But when consumers get pissed, their anger lands in a higher place. In this case, the Buck-A-Beer fiasco will likely be spilling back onto Premier Ford's lap. That said, as Premier, I'm sure dry cleaning is a covered expense.

Now, lest anyone think I'm playing politics here, I assure you, I am not. I dislike all politics equally and here's a little story which illustrates exactly that. You see, Ford isn't the first to play shell-games with beer.

On the left, we have Premier Ford who campaigned on
Buck-A-Beer and caught everyone's attention with that
while he began to slash social services. On the right, we
have former Premier Wynne, who, to the enthusiasm of
many, opened up beer to the grocery stores. However, at
the same huge announcement, she also mentioned quietly
that the Province was selling off Hydro One. No one gave
a gnat's fart until homeowners got their Hydro bills in the
Summer of 2016 and their rates had tripled. Shell-games.

His predecessor Liberal Premier Kathleen Wynne did exactly the same thing. But let's start with Ford.

While he was yelling, "Buck a beer! Buck a beer!" he was also putting the brakes to Provincial funding on a number of established social programs. So it's a left hand-right hand scenario, a slight of hand, if you will. Magicians do this all the time. But politicians do it better. While his left hand had big-ass scissors cutting the social programs, his right hand was holding up that shiny can of $1 beer. Guess which caught the public eye?

However, Wynne did a similar left hand-right hand smokescreen back in 2015 when she announced that grocery stores would finally be able to sell beer. It was huge. Biggest beer-related announcement in Ontario since... ever. And it was met with great enthusiasm! However, at the exact same press conference, she announced towards the end with far less fervor that the Province would be selling Hydro One to private interests. The Hydro One part was practically mumbled on stage.

Former Premier Kathleen Wynne was the first
person to buy beer in a grocery store way back in
December 2015. As you can see, she bought a
Collective Arts' six-pack of Rhyme & Reason
Extra Pale Ale. So while maybe she did some
sketchy stuff, her taste in beer is exemplary. 

No one cared! Beer in the grocery stores! Finally! Huzzah! (That's Shakespearean for "hooray!") That is, until the Hydro bills, now controlled by private interests, rolled in to homeowners in the Summer of 2016. Many saw their Hydro rates triple. Cottage owners got hefty bills for the Winter months when the electricity was turned off because Hydro debt charges were tacked on. An unhealthy handful of Ontario small businesses went under, simply because their Hydro bills ate up their profits and far more. Homeowners were left scrambling to pay the bills as most of us budget on per-month expenses and don't expect to see such a substantial increase on any one bill. And all of this was hidden behind the image of an Ontario Premier months prior holding up that same damn shiny can of beer and saying, "I bought this in the grocery store!!" I will always believe that those huge Hydro increases were what gutted the ruling Liberal party and basically turned them into a non-party after this year's election. You might remember that. When the Liberals handed the Province over to Doug Ford.

But I started with Shakespeare so let me end with him. To quote Brutus in the classic Julius Caesar, "The abuse of greatness is when it disjoins remorse from power." My 2018 translation of that quote? If you think politicians care more about the people they serve than the power they wield, then you're being suckered. I don't actually care about Buck-A-Beer or beer in the grocery stores. I'm just pointing out that every time the politicos want us to think we've gained, we actually lose. Every single time. Okay, Scooby Doo Gang, that's it, that's all and I am outta here. Until next time, I remain...