Beast of the East - Go Forth to the North

You see this beautiful young lady? That's my niece,
Genny. And when she recently flew in from Halifax,
she came bearing a gift from Unfiltered Brewing's
brewmaster Greg Nash. Yes, she beer-muled a two-
litre growler of his outstanding Twelve Years To
Zion Double IPA. Holy Early Christmas to me!!!

Today, I shall tell you the story of two directions. This will be very different than the story of One Direction, a British-Irish boy band, which from 2011 to 2015 actually had two directions - way up and then way, way down. I don't know any of their songs but gosh, I miss 'em already. I think the cute one left. Or maybe it was the bad boy. Perhaps the one with asthma? I really don't know.

But since I am a little more multi-directional than One Direction, I will be going in Two Directions. I will be looking east and then coming back to look north. Take that, Zayn Malik! (Relax, I Googled it. Oh sorry, he's from One Direction - I probably should have explained that first.)

Okay, my sister, Carly, has four kids and all of them went to post-secondary in Halifax at Dalhousie University. But today, we're gonna talk about her eldest, my beautiful niece, Genny. After she graduated as a nurse, she stayed in Halifax and last October, she married her long-time beau, Rory. That wedding and my visit to four Halifax craft breweries that weekend was the subject of two blogs a year ago. Of the four breweries, each chosen for a different reason, one was a Bucket List destination - Unfiltered Brewing at 6041 North Street. That's because their brewmaster, Greg Nash, has a reputation of being the Hop Hellion of the Eastern Seaboard.

When his birthday came around on October 9, Unfiltered's Greg
Nash got a post from me on Facebook using this photo. I turned it
into a meme that simply said up top, "Hello, my name is Greg
Nash..." concluding at the bottom "... and I'm here to annihilate
your taste buds!" It got a lot of attention as more than 50 of his
Facebook friends hit it with "likes" and their personal greetings.

In the end, I had three of Nash's creations - his Double Orange Double IPA, the Twelve Steps to Zion Imperial IPA and his Riddle of Steel IPA, three beers ranging in ABVs from 7% to 8%. But - and this tells the larger story - the IBUs (international bitterness units) in the beers were a solid 70 for the Riddle but 100-plus for the other two. So malts are pretty much an afterthought in Greg's world. They're in there due to necessity and for balance only. 

As it turns out, Genny and Greg know each other. She was a waitress and he was the brewmaster of a brew-pub they both worked at while Genny was still in university. When I went to Halifax a year ago for her wedding and Genny found out we had visited Unfiltered Brewing, she was succinct. "I love Greg Nash. He's a genius!" she told me. And of that brewpub, all she noted was that it was "poorly managed" and that Greg was "under-utilized and under-appreciated." Hey, for all I know, that brewpub may have been the reason Greg struck out to co-create Unfiltered and if so, thank you, Poorly-Managed Brewpub!!! You have done us all a great service just by being shitty!

When I visited Unfiltered Brewing last October, you could
only get their beers in one-litre or two-litre growlers. But as
you can see, a canning machine has been added to their
operation in the last month. That may have made it easier
 for Genny to be my beer mule but hey, I'm damn happy
that she landed in Toronto with ANY Unfiltered product!

But Greg remembered there was a connection between Genny and myself when she visited Unfiltered just before flying to Toronto last month but he couldn't remember exactly what. So he asked. When she told him I was her uncle (she probably said her favourite), he handed her a 1.9 litre (64 ounce) growler of Twelve Steps to Zion Imperial IPA for me with his regards. Holy Snappin' Arseholes, Margaret, ain't that a fine how-do-you-do? According to Genny, his assessment of me was simply: "He's f--king funny." If providing a few laughs gets me one of Canada's best IPAs, just call me Jerry Goddamn Seinfeld. What a fantastic gesture!

The beer was exactly as I remembered. At 8% and 100-plus IBUs, it was pine and peach and citrus on the nose and just as fruit-filled and punchy as hell on the tongue. Just one helluva fantastic beer. What can I say? The dude knows his shit. And my niece saw that genius in Nash several years before I did... which is pretty damn cool. I graciously and gratefully thank you, Mr Nash. Quite frankly, your gift made my 2017. As Hawkeye Pierce would say, "You, sir, are finestkind."

The display at an LCBO of the Northern Ontario Mixed Six
Pack, which was, at first, a tricky thing to purchase for our pal,
Drunk Polkaroo. Three LCBO employees descended on his six
pack, which he quite literally had in his hands but could not
figure out how to ring it through. Charles from Nickel Brook
and I had far better luck the same day at our Oakville LCBO.

Okay, now it's time to shift our gaze to the north and by that, I mean Northern Ontario. You see, there are six craft breweries in Northern Ontario and they are starting to make waves in the southern portion of the province where myself and most of my beer brothers and sisters reside, as well as 90% of the Province's population. They are: Highlander Brew Co. in South River (home of the shenanigans from many a Boys Weekends), Stack Brewing in Sudbury, New Ontario Brewing out of North Bay, Lake of the Woods Brewing in Kenora, Sleeping Giant Brewing out of Thunder Bay and finally, Manitoulin Brewing on Manitoulin Island. For the record, Manitoulin has the best catch-phrase of the bunch on their cans - "You're On Island Time Now." That gives Northern Ontario a pretty cool sort of Caribbean feel. That's not true in the least but hey, I liked it. Anyway, these six created the Northern Ontario Brewers Alliance and recently released the Northern Ontario Mixed Six Pack - a box with one of each of their beers in a 473-ml (16 ounce) can. I point this out only because the majority (if not, all) of these breweries didn't even have canning capabilities this time last year. Things change quickly in the Ontario craft beer scene!

The only glass I own from the Northern Ontario Brewers'
Alliance is the Highlander Brew Co. glass. So all of their
beers were poured into this one just so they could, I dunno,
represent. But this is Manitoulin Brewing's Bridal Veil Pale
Ale, which I have enjoyed before as it's a plucky little brew.

Individually, the brewers decided which ones they would submit to the pack. "So, Johnny, let's tell the people in the studio audience what's in this pack!!!"

As mentioned last time, Highlander selected its Rye Road Pale Ale. Manitoulin puts its Bridal Veil Pale Ale in the sixer. New Ontario contributed its Bear Runner Blonde Ale. Sleeping Giant submitted its Northern Logger Golden Ale (actually, a Kolsch - get it? Logger Ale? Lagered ale?) Stack included its Panache Session IPA while lastly, Lake of the Woods passed along its Forgotten Lake Blueberry Ale.

But this story started in a wacky way even before we all got our hands on the six-pack because one of us couldn't. As a matter of fact, our man Drunk Polkaroo actually had it in his hands and three different clerks at his LCBO couldn't figure out how to ring it through as it was not scanning. Definitely not a diss as both Polk and I are in retail and man, shit like that is frustrating! But every bar code has 10 corresponding numbers below and if you plunk those numbers in, it should ring through.

This was a really nice Session IPA from Stack Brewing in
Sudbury. Originally called Panache Pale Ale, I think the
brewery thought that saying Session IPA actually carried
a little more... what's the word again... oh yeah, panache!

Maybe they tried and that didn't work, either?

Regardless, the Polk situation kicked off about three days of Twitter chatter around the Northern Ontario Sixer that was as all over the place. Charles from Nickel Brook jumped on to say the Oak Park LCBO at Trafalgar and Dundas in Oakville was able to sell him one a few hours later. So I jetted over to it when my shift was over. The clerk has the same issues as Polk's had - it wouldn't scan - but she also had a paper list on her cash that she looked at, then popped in some numbers and *bam* sold for $19 even! (At $3.17 per can, this was a damn good deal.)

Charles later mentioned that he thought he might have had the Lake of the Woods' Forgotten Lake Blueberry Ale a year ago and he found at that time, the blueberries in the brew were a little "lacking." But he added, hey, going into it with an open mind. Within minutes - not joking - Lake of the Woods was on the thread, noting, "Hey everybody! Well, we brew our Forgotten Lake Ale WITH blueberries - not syrup or concentrate or juice - it's a beer designed to taste like a beer brewed with blueberries, not a beer FORCED to taste LIKE blueberries artificially. Hope you enjoy!"

New Ontario Brewing's Bear Runner Blonde Ale was a
nice, mild addition to the six-pack but they are pretty
willing to up the stakes for Northern Ontario Mixer, Part
Two, telling us that the next one will be dark. Very dark!!

Well, Shazam! Think a macro would jump into a conversation that quickly or at all if you had a concern about one of their products? Actually, never mind macros - think any corporation would do that?? Yeah, me neither.

As a craft brewery employee and a Prud'homme Level 2 Beer Specialist, Charles was thrilled with the response. "That makes sense as to why there's a subtle blueberry taste and not an overwhelming blueberry flavour. Cheers!"

Because the brewery jumped in so quickly (and effectively), it got its kudos from me, too, as I thanked them and added, "All of us seriously dig knowing how the brewers concocted their latest brew! We are curious craft lovers!" Now later, after some private messaging, I would discover the Lake of the Woods Twitter person talking to us was actually president and CEO Taras Manzie so that lead into a whole other conversation that's on deck for the next blog. But man, he was on that conversation instantly. And he thanked us for thanking him!

Marketing Meeting at Sleeping Giant: "Okay, folks, how
do we let the public know that we're a Northern Ontario
brewery?" asks the owner. Bob, the accountant, raises
his hand. "How about a lumberjack riding some kind of
bear-moose on the label?" Damn, Bob, you're a genius!

"We love beer and love beer drinkers. Happy to jump in, any questions anytime! This Northern Sixer is a lot of fun. Look for more in the future!"

Okay, two things there. Number one, a brewery owner was so prompt and chatty with us. That's pretty awesome, gang. And two, folks, Taras told us the Northern brewers aren't done with these Alliance Mix-Sixers just yet!

And that came up later. Admittedly, the Northern Six went pretty easy on us this time with milder styles but Paul on Twitter (@onepageeveryday), who had already enjoyed four of the six beers prior to this mixed pack release, addressed that by noting, "I was hoping for more dark malty offerings but I do love the idea of six far-away brewers combining force to get their stuff down here."

Holy Barney Stinson in a sharp suit, can you say "Challenge... Accepted?" Stack Brewing jumped into that fray quickly, suggesting, "We have a national gold (medal winning) Black IPA. Maybe next time?" (That would be their 6.6% Black Rock, which took gold at the 2016 Canadian Brewing Awards.)

When Paul on Twitter suggested the next Northern
Mixer pack go a little darker in hue, Stack jumped
into the fray to say perhaps an award-winning
Black IPA might be suitable? To brewery owner
Shawn Mailloux, I say abso-freakin-lutely, man!!

Minutes later, my main man, Brewmaster Brian Wilson (once again - no, not that one) at Highlander was in the Twitter mix, exclaiming, "Exactly! Don't be afraid of the dark. I'll hold your hand." (Brian's an awesome dude... but no. I will drink his beer, though. And maybe write him a sonnet or something.)

And just minutes after that, New Ontario jumped into the fray and asked, "Are we having a 'How dark can you go? The return of the darkest ale' contest? If so, let's brew!" Paul, I think you started something here... something really good!!

And the conversation continued on with new members jumping in. Graeme (@needmy caffeine) was happy with the six-pack. "I am liking this alliance thing. Please keep doing it and let's hope other breweries catch on and do the same."

One of the blurbs on the packaging make me chuckle so of course, I shared it. "I should point out that because it's the Northern Alliance Mix-Six, the box declares it 'Stump-Approved' meaning 'Pull up a stump and have a few around the campfire.' But here I am, drinking it in the house like a goddamn savage."

In a Robin Burridge story for the Manitoulin Expositor, the
three Manitoulin Brewing partners, Blair Hagman, Joet Dhatt
and Nishin Meawasige pose with their vats. The brewery just
officially opened for business this past June. When my man,
Hago, visited them in 2016, they were still operating out of a
garage. They have come a long way very quickly, I would say.

Fortunately, our favourite Sudbury resident, Gravy Boat Captain (@GravyBoatCpt) jumped in to put my mind at ease. "No, in the north, stumps are our indoor furniture. Also, in the Winter-time, campfire is code for the oven on with the door open." Truth to tell, I've never even asked him his real name simply because it's never gonna be as good as Gravy Boat Captain.

When I asked him what his choice would be for Stack's next entry in Northern Brewers Mix-Six, Part Two, he suggested either their Hawaiian Uppercut Belgian Sour Pale Ale or perhaps their Les Portes De L'enfer Biere De Garde (Farmhouse Strong Ale.) While Les Portes has won three medals - two golds and a bronze - at the Ontario and Canadian Brewing Awards, I still like the sound of that Black Rock Black IPA. Yeah, let's stick with that.

Okay, I looked at Highlander's Rye Road Pale Ale in the last outing, so let's look at the others in this go-around. Let's start with the Manitoulin Brewing's Bridal Veil Pale Ale.

Sleeping Giant co-owner and head brewer Kyle
Mulligan holds up my favourite brew of theirs, the
Beaver Duck American Pale Ale, which won gold
at the 2016 Ontario Brewing Awards. A tasty beer.

Okay, this provided a nice balance to the Rye Road, which was largely malt-driven. Since Bridal Veil Falls is an actual landmark in the Village of Kegawong on the island, they honour it with this nicely Cascade hopped 5% pale ale. Lightly citrus and grapefruit on the tongue, this is a little less hoppy than I like my pale ales but it pretty much hits the middle ground between the west coast and the caramel-driven British style. Balanced and decent.

The New Ontario Bear Runner Blonde Ale is, well, a blonde ale, which is a mild style that can often lure macro drinkers to the craft world. I don't drink many of them, much preferring the heavier or the hoppier brews, but for its style, I did enjoy it. At just 4.5%, it's nice to have lighter fare now and again. It almost had a wheat beer feel to it. Total patio beer.

The Sleeping Giant Northern Logger Golden Ale (which, as previously discussed is actually a Kolsch) is another easy-drinking ale. At 4.9%, there's some graininess on the nose, a light touch of fruit on the tongue. Also another good cross-over beer.

Excuse me, sign, but if you can buy craft beer
then you are, in fact, buying happiness. It's not
"almost" the same thing. It IS the same thing!!
Other than that... uh, nice penmanship there?

Which brings us to the Stack Brewing's Panache Session IPA. My affection for all things hoppy may be showing here but this was one of the package's stand-outs. At 4.5% and just 30 IBUs (international bitterness units), this packed a little more punch than its numbers indicate. Citra, Simcoe and Rakau hops are the driving force behind this lighter fare and give it some really nice citrus, melon and pine on the nose with more pine on the tongue. This is an excellent session IPA. Good choice for Stack!

But wait, what about that Lake of the Woods Forgotten Lake Blueberry Ale? Oh, my friends, that's being saved for next time. You see, Beer Bro Glenn and I both started our Journalism careers in Kenora way back in the mid-1980s and I had a chance to catch up with brewery owner Taras Manzie to see what's shaking these days in that quiet northern town. That's a blog unto itself. (Also, he seems like a great guy.)

But I'm leaving the final words on the next Northern Brewer Alliance Mix-Six to Paul, who requested of them, and I quote: "Malt, malt, chocolate malt. Dark and chewy." We really loved this Mix-Six but now it's time for you northern brewers to kick our southern asses with something dark and dirty. Bring out the black magic, you magnificent Northern Brewing Bastards! We can take it. And if not, that's on us! But guys and dolls, that's it, that's all and I am outta here! Until next time, I remain...

Meanwhile, at Eagle Lake...

As the first snowfall of the year slowly flutters down on us at Highlander
Brew Company, Boys Weekend buddies, Kevin, left, and Bill pose under the
sign at the brewery. Because of their logo, Kevin felt the urge to give himself
antlers because of... Kevin reasons. Either that or he's doing his Bullwinkle...

I remember when I drove to my buddy Bill's cottage in South River, Ontario, for the First Annual Boys' Weekend way back in 2001 or so. His instructions were clear.

"Okay, Donner, go north on Highway 400. When Highway 11 splits off from 400, take it. Keep traveling all the way up on Highway 11 until you hit the only stop light. Then turn left."

Wait, what? Hit a traffic light? On a highway? How is that possible? Well, lemme tell you.

Highway 11 starts just north of Barrie and runs right up to North Bay, a distance of 250 kilometres (155 miles). Two lanes both ways, speed limit of 100 km/h (60 mph). Except back in 2001, there was a stretch of it that ran through two small towns, Sundridge and South River, where it became a single lane road as it was also the main street in both towns. That meant traffic dropped to 50 km/h (30 mph). And by gawd, Bill was right. They was one traffic light at a gas station where we had to turn left to get to Eagle Lake Road. Over the years, both small towns added more traffic signals, meaning if you were driving further north, things really slowed down for that 30-mile stretch.

See this? We don't go to South River for the Boys
Weekends for the base debauchery and excessive
alcohol. No, we appreciate the area because it's,
in fact, Nature's Playground. Filled with lakes and
rocks and trees and bears and moose and drunken
idiots on a Boys Weekend. That's called tradition.

That really pissed off one North Bay resident, though. Now normally you'd say, "One guy? Who gives a shit what one dude thinks?" Except that this man's name was Mike Harris and he was the Premier of Ontario at that time. In fact, he was so pissed... (Studio Audience: "How pissed was he?") He was so pissed that he rubber-stamped a proper four-lane bypass around the two towns at a cost of hundreds of millions. (Studio Audience: "That's not much of a punchline. Not your best work!") Construction started as soon as Harris cracked the whip but it took years - more than a decade. A bazillion trees had to be cleared. That section of Ontario is mostly Northern Shield so we're talking rock-filled terrain, meaning those boulders had to be blasted through with explosives. And let's face it, since it was a government contract, the workers were likely dragging ass rather than hauling it.

The first time I went to the cottage, the bypass was just beginning. You could see where they were veering west off the established roadway but it was just small patches of steamrollers and sand at that point. Not very far along.

In a desperate bid to help our Kevin up his Cool
Quotient, I had him hold up Cowbell Brewing's
Doc Perdue's Bobcat West Coast Red Ale. It, of
course, didn't work but craft beer can't perform
miracles. But Kevin's cool in his own weird way.

A few years ago, they finally finished the bypass and now if you wish, you can scoot around both Sundridge and South River going full speed ahead, captain. That old section of Highway 11 is now Highway 124. Granted, if you stay on 124, it reconnects to Highway 11 a little further north. But since the return of Boys Weekends this June after a six year absence, I very deliberately cut off Highway 11 to drive through Sundridge and then South River, even though both has access off the new Highway 11. Why? Well, tradition for one, I suppose. This is the way I have always come for the past 16 years.

But more importantly, that's where Highlander Brew Co. is located. Right on the main street just 30 seconds before that old traffic signal where I turn to get onto Eagle Lake Road. Leaving after a Friday shift, I was excitedly telling coworkers Trey and Patchy how much I loved visiting Highlander in June when Boys Weekends resumed after that long hiatus and how pumped I was to return.

Trey looked at me and asked: "Is there only one?" I was a little taken aback and replied, "Well, yeah, South River is only a thousand people so of course there's just one craft brewery there." Trey looked at me, realizing the obvious reference had gone over my head and tried again. "So there can ONLY be one?" Ahhhh, Highlander, gotcha. I'm not the sharpest crayon in the box.

You can kind of see it in this picture but that left-over 11~05
Imperial Saison brewed collaboratively by Nickel Brook and
Sawdust City was a murky, cloudy mess. This was their 2015
version so yeah, it's seen a few miles. Bill is a Scotch drinker,
who might just have the odd Coors Light, so he looked at this
muddy glass of beer and worried for my health. It was tasty!

As I was leaving, I stopped in at an LCBO because I decided I wanted a two-four of Ontario craft beer that had some real variety. Ones I really love. Six different beers, four of each but nothing I could get at my own Beer Store. In the end, that turned out to be four Great Lakes Brewing (Etobicoke) Karma Citra IPA and Canuck Pale Ale, four Cowbell Brewing (Blyth, Ontario) Doc Perdue's Bobcat West Coast Red Ale, four Collective Arts (Hamilton) Ransack The Universe IPA, four Lake of Bays Brewing (Baysville, Ontario) Oxtongue IPA and for shits and giggles, four skull-crushing Amsterdam Brewing (Toronto) Fracture Imperial IPA. Basically, my two-four was a hop-loving Beer Geek's wet dream. And so you know, that hop-loving wet dream clocked in at just under $79. Craft beer is NOT for the weak of heart or the thin of wallet. But it's worth every damn penny. Oddly, unlike the old days Boys Weekends with macros, half of these came home with me. I used to take up a 24 of Blue on Friday night and buy more on Saturday "just in case..." 

I'm in a Facebook group called Gordie's Legion
where we all post pictures of Great Lakes Brewing
Canuck Pale Ale. Because I was in South River, I
was able to post the first 2017 picture of our Gordie
Levesque in the snow. And yes, the beer was cold!!

You just don't drink craft beer as quickly as macro, I find. Something, something, savour that beer....blah, blah, blah, the usual snobby craft beer lecture. Long story short, you drink it slower. Science or wizardry may be involved.

Still, it's a three and a half hour drive up there and my immediate dilemma was that backseat beer would all be warm by my arrival.

The LCBO, Beer Store and Highlander Brewing up there in South River all close at 6 pm. I'd be pissed about the hours but the fact that this tiny village of 1,100 people has an LCBO and a Beer Store and a craft brewery is a bit of a statistical anomaly, to be honest. So when I arrived, because it was only about 3C (37F), I put some in the fridge and left the rest outside. They'd cool down quickly enough. But Bill noted there were cold beers in the fridge. I did a quick scan. Saw some Coors Light. The opposite of "yay!" But what was that at the back? Great horny toads, it was a 11~05 Imperial Saison, the annual collaborative effort between Nickel Brook Brewing and Sawdust City Brewing, created by their respective brewmasters Ryan Morrow and Sam Corbiel to commemorate their shared November 5 birthdays. It had been left there after our June Boys Weekend. The downside? This was their 2015 offering.

The Highlander Brewing Rye Road Pale Ale is not
your typical hop-driven pale ale. Given his Scottish
roots, Brewmaster Brian Wilson is more inclined to
go the malty route. But this time, he threw a healthy
dose of rye malts in there, as well. That gave this
offering some of that nice spiciness on the tongue.

The upside? It's an 11.05% ABV beer. Since it was November 3rd, this beer was one year and 364 days old, being as 2016 was a Leap Year. So the question in front of me was: "Do I drink a two-year-old craft beer or not?" I mean, craft beers have no preservatives and it's not like this was some bourbon-barrel-aged stout that you can store for years. But in the end, we all know the question isn't really a question. Of course, I was going to. 

Sweet Baby Jeebus, this beer looked like absolute shit. I have had the cloudiest and murkiest of Vermont-style IPAs and this 11~05 looked like Campbell's Chunky Soup next to those. When I held it up to the light, it was like there was as much solid matter in there as liquid. I think Scotch-drinking Bill was quite literally worried about my health when he saw the sediment in the beer. And by "quite literally," I mean he didn't give a shit about my funky-ass beer because he was busy drinking Scotch.

In the end, while it looked like a dog's breakfast, it had retained the wonderful fruitiness I remembered from its original release two years ago. The floaties? Protein! Also - and this is definitely doing things backwards - I was starting the Boys Weekend with an 11% beer. 

This is one of the nicest session ales I've have in quite some time.
At just 4%, this has some orange rind and oatmeal malts so not
your typical session Blonde Ale. Also, the name Happy Landing
has a long and colourful history in South River as it was a diner
and gas station that all the teens hung out at back in the 1950s.
Richie, Potsie, The Fonz, Ralph Malph - they all hung out there.

You usually work up to those. But this, too, is Boys Weekends. The only rules that apply is that the music be loud, the booze be plentiful and the playing deck always be nearby for Poker and Euchre purposes. At times, money is involved and I have learned over the years that given my astute card-playing abilities, I should just toss all my cash on the card table Friday night and let the boys decide how to divide it.

Okay, despite the outstanding selection I had brought with me to drink, all of which I have lauded in the past, I was in South River to buy Highlander beers. Now when Bill and I visited back in June, Brewmaster Brian Wilson (no, not that one) was on hand to give us the tour of the new brewery.

Well, the brewery had already been around for a few years but they had more recently built a newer one five times the size right on the main strip. And one of the things Brian was most excited about is that they were getting a canning machine set up very shortly. Prior to this year, Highlander's brews were only available in 650-ml (22 ounce) bottles.

Okay, you know you're up north when the lager
you buy has rifle artwork on the labels. Granted,
this is deer season up there. And moose season.
And bear season. And drunken rowdy Boys in
Cottages season and frankly they are the worst!

So upon my glorious return (I heard angels singing... and also some screaming) to the brewery on November 4th, I was greeted for the first time by the sight of 473-ml (16 ounce) cans in the Highlander fridges. It was only my second visit so my return carries a little less grandeur than I make it sound. But I've been a fan of Highlander for a few years now so, yeah, I was pretty pumped about them finally filling cans. Remember, life's greatest pleasures are in the small gestures. Sometimes, those are 473-ml gestures. But I'm getting too philosophical here. So let's look in the Highlander Can Goodie Bag and see what I snagged from them... keeping in mind, if you've made it this far, you're invested in this and have little choice.

When six separate Northern Ontario craft breweries got together to create a unique Mix-Six Pack (a subject coming up next blog), Highlander, the southern most of the six, selected their Rye Road Pale Ale to be their contribution. This is one of Brian's newer beers and it's a little beauty. While many brewers lean on hops for pale ales, Brian has always been a Master of the Malts and this beer was no different. Except he threw rye malts into the mix, making this 5.4%, 46 IBU (international bitterness units), giving this a tangy, spicy flavour. I really quite enjoyed it!

In all of the entire Internet, this was the only archived
photo I could find of Happy Landing gas station and diner
in South River way back in the 1950s and earlier. But back
in the day, this was apparently a really happening spot...

Okay, their Happy Landing English Golden Ale comes with a bit of a back-story. Back in the 1950s, Happy Landing was a Shell gas station-diner combo that was hugely popular with the teenagers and 20-somethings in the area back then. They'd come, eat, hook up and dance to the Devil's music of choice, Rock and Roll. Ahh yes, they were bad seeds, those teens. So what happened to it? Well, there's a new building on that site now - some outfit called Highlander Brew Co. So, in essence, it's still a pretty happy landing. Trade the malted milks for malted barley and there you have it. So how about the beer itself? Okay, billed as their session ale at just 4% and 22 IBUs, this one added something a little extra into the mix.

Brewmaster Brian wanted me to remind you all that their
hugely popular Wee Heavy Scottish Style Ale was just
released at the brewery. This 8% Malt Monster, as well as
every beer in their stock, can be delivered to your door
anywhere in Ontario for just the cost of the beer!! Now
that's service! Call them at 705-792-0808 or go directly to
their website for your order and have it shipped to you!

Brian threw orange rinds and oatmeal into the vat, giving this a little more oomph than a lot of session ales. This added real depth to the nose and taste of this smooth English Ale. Actually, it's one of the best sessioners I've had this year.

And finally, let's look at their Buckshot Lager, another 4% brew. To most of us, that's light beer territory and that was his intention. This lager to meant to be their crossover beer for the macro and micro crowd alike. It's a clean lager with some grassiness on the nose and a dry finish. I liked it but I'm a much bigger fan of Brian's heavier beers, particularly their Blacksmith Smoked Porter, one of the Province's best porters with its rich chocolate, caramel and coffee overtones. Even at 6.5%, it's one of those beers you could sip all night on a cold Winter day.

Okay, that's it for today but I'll be back soon with that Northern Ontario Brewers Mix-Six. But something struck me as funny. When I was Googling the Happy Landing Gas Station-Diner, there was only one photo of it on the entire Internet. Want to know why? Okay, count off 120 seconds. Done? In that two minute span, more photos have been taken around the world than there were photos taken from the entirety of 1900 to 1999. Yup, more pictures taken in the last two minutes than all the pictures taken in the 20th Century put together. Mind. Blown. Okay, guys and dolls, that's it, that's all and I am outta here! Back soon but until then, I remain...

Adventures in Public Speaking

This man, "Downtown" Wayne Brown held a
recent Beer Fest called BurlOnTap and as it
turned out, Downtown Brown had a special
assignment just for me. My coworkers could
have told him just how foolhardy that was...

Usually when someone asks something above-and-beyond of me, it's almost always at work. Crazy stuff like, "Are you planning to do any work today?" Or weird things like, "You do know they're paying us to work, right?" Or philosophical questions such as, "What part of work are you so afraid of?"

That's why I like going to work. The people there are such jokers. Always with the laughs. So when someone outside my work-place asks something of me, the answer is always the same. "Who are you and how did you get my name?"

Except this time, I knew who he was and how he got my name. Unlike others, he didn't have to search the Halton Police Criminal Data-Base. You see, it was "Downtown" Wayne Brown, the cofounder of two Burlington Summer Beer Festivals, as well as the cofounder of the more recent BurlOnTap Beer Festival in August. So I definitely know this guy. He's beer-related. That's why I'm his buddy.

So anyway, before the BurlOnTap Fest, he said to me, "You know what I'd like to see there?" Yes, I answered confidently, lots of beer! "I'd like to see an educational component to it," he continued. Yes, I replied still confidently, many tasty beers! Wait... an edu-what-now?

I have two ex-wives and a handful of ex-girlfriends
who could tell you a "quickie session" with me does
not last 20 minutes. It's probably something better
timed in seconds. However, talking about beer styles
for 20 minutes? That I can do for the full time period.

Turns out Downtown Brown wanted someone to speak to the crowd in a seminar-way, explaining different beer styles. Capital idea, I told him. Then he suggested that maybe I could do it. That's when a capital idea quickly became a lower-case idea.

I gently tried to balk, suggesting our local craft brewery Nickel Brook had a surplus of brewers hanging around that could do a far superior job. And let's face it - for once (and perhaps the only time), I had a damn good point! All of Nickel Brook's Funk Lab bunch are friendly and outgoing. They're also legally allowed out in public. It was a perfect fit.

But no, Wayne was pretty persistent that it be me and believe me, he is not one to give up easily. Still, I was reluctant. It's not because I'm afraid of public speaking. Quite the opposite. I enjoy it. When I read those studies that show public speaking is people's number one fear, even ahead of dying, I'm truly baffled that most would prefer to be in the coffin rather than reading the eulogy. No, in this case, it was more a matter of knowing there were others nearby that could do a far better job. Many, many others. Anyone else, really.

In the end, I eventually relented.

My man Charles from Nickel Brook Brewing
came up front and told the audience about the
work that goes into making a good sour beer.
I tell you this - this young guy really killed it!

My thinking was basically that I already make an ass of myself on a daily basis. At least now, I'd have a captive audience. And if I really messed it up super badly, I could at least be a You-Tube star for a day. They must have a "Check Out This Idiot" section on the website.

So I went home and jotted down three or four bullet-points for each of the style I picked: lagers, ales, wheats, porters, stouts, Kolsch and sours. The rest of the talk, I would simply ad-lib. I've been writing about these styles for over three years so perhaps it was time to see what I've retained and what's been lost to excessive Imperial IPA brain damage.

Now right off the top, I missed my Friday Night 6 pm Session because I was stuck in traffic and didn't even get home until 6 pm. And then I realized I left my phone at work so I had to drive back and get it. So the first session was super easy. Without me there, I thought it went extremely well.

But that still left three sessions to go. So at 9 pm on the Friday night, I got up to talk. There were about 20 people listening. I've played to bigger rooms. Yes, they were court rooms, actually, but I could do this. So I yacked away about the various beer styles, mostly true but with some embellishment along the way, to be sure.

Boy, if I was gonna to grab a guest speaker,
it should have been Sarah, the Brewmaster
from Lock Street Brewing in St Catharine's.
She is holding up their Jealous Mistress
Brown Ale and Naughty Sailor Lager here.
Unfortunately, she was short-handed so I
brought in some others to speak for me...

So no, Imperial Stouts weren't invented by Russians because it's too damn cold in Siberia and they needed a warming beer to keep their strength up in order to fight the KGB. But some 20 people in Burlington now believe that's the case.

But towards the end, something kind of crazy happened. The last style I talked about was sours and as I was talking, I noticed Charles Voyce from Nickel Brook striding towards the front. When he got there, I was still talking but noticed he had samples of the brewery's Raspberry Uber Berliner Weisse in his hands. So I simply said, "This is where Charles will talk to you about sours."

And that's precisely what he did. In an informative and entertaining way, Charles started talking about the work involved with making sours. The fruits that have to be crushed. The kettles that have to be cleaned afterwards. The bacteria used in the brewing. Walking among them, still talking and letting them each smell or taste the beer. Everything. I've known Charles for about a year and my guess is he's about 23 years old. But he held this audience, age 20 to 65, in the palm of his hand. He was one of the most engaging public speakers I have ever watched, even if it was just for the closer. And when Downtown Brown opened the floor up for questions, Charles was right there beside me, answering as many as I did. Even when it was over, more people approached us with questions. It was like Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid's Kid up there. It was pretty awesome. It went so well, we were both kind of bummed when it finally got cut off.

On the right, Matthew from Beau's All-Natural
Brewing explains the complexity of the Kolsch,
a lagered-ale. Beside him is Devon who was
merely days away from completing his class at
Niagara Brewing College. Like I said, it was
high time to get a few pros up front for this...

By Saturday morning, my head was spinning with thoughts. Like how Aquaman protects 70% of the Earth's surface and everyone thinks he's lame but Batman protects one lousy city and everyone thinks he's awesome? Or as a Game of Thrones fan, how bad I feel every time a character in the show dies because they basically just got fired in front of all of us. That's gotta suck. Oh... and also thoughts about my little beer seminars. That being simply, I could bring pros up there on Saturday night's sessions. The room was full of them. I mean, while Charles does, at this moment, work the retail side of Nickel Brook, he is also a Prud'homme Level 2 Beer Specialist. This is precisely the level of expertise that should be doing the talking.

My first thought was that Sarah Casorso from Lock Street Brewing in Port Dalhousie, a suburb of St. Catharine's, would be perfect. Not only is she a female craft brewer, she is the first female Brewmaster I've met. So that's a whole new perspective and take on the industry that could come from her. The problem is, as stupid as this sounds, she would be too perfect. I mean, why am I even standing up there if a Brewmaster has the floor? Don't get me wrong. I'd much rather have her up there than me (especially to hear what she had to say) but I promised Downtown Brown I'd do this. Handing the whole show over to a brewmaster, regardless of gender, would have been a Game Misconduct.

My younger brother, Gary, dislikes social
media and has asked me many times to never
post him on Facebook, Twitter and even this
blog. His wife, Phe, is cooler about it as she
does Facebook. But he's not the boss of me!!
So... that's Phe on the left and Gary on the
right. Sorry, bro, held off as long as I could.

Also just she and one other were taking care of the booth so if I pull her away, I'm leaving someone stranded. Still, I am happy to report that Sarah was there to correct some serious pronunciation issues on my end. You see, I pronounced Port Dalhousie as "Dal-Howz-Eee". Sarah said, no, no, no... it's "Dah-LOO-zie." For the record, I totally nailed "Port." Like on the first try. But Sarah, your brewery is just a hour away from me. You deserve a lot more than a mere mention in a blog that includes others. So one night, I will travel there and over your beers, we shall talk about your beers, many other beers, the craft beer industry itself, the role women play in it and the general lack of respect that Aquaman gets. Deal?

So it was time to con cherry-pick others who could come up front. Charles had the sours nailed down as Nickel Brook was the only brewery with a sour beer there. So he was a gimme. But while I had most styles in my back pocket, I figured I could use a little help with the Kolsch, that tricky lagered-ale style.

And when I saw Matthew from Beau's All-Natural Brewing working the room on Friday night, I knew I had someone who could explain the complexity of the Kolsch brewing process. (It might be remarkably easy - I have no idea.) But here's the tricky part - he'd have to agree. So I asked him. He said yes. Okay, gotta admit, negotiations went a little more smoothly than I initially thought they might.

Josh and Sam from Four Fathers' Brewing in Rockwood,
Ontario, hold up the fine samples of their beers we would
be enjoying on Saturday evening. But in Sam's left hand
is the Shevchenko 9 Ukrainian Dunkel Euro Dark Lager,
the beer that got the nod from, me, my brother and his
lovely wife as the one we collectively enjoyed the most.

And Saturday was set. That's good because my younger brother, Gary, and his wife, Phe, were in town from Barcelona, Spain and I would be bringing them to their first ever craft beer festival. They had been in Canada for a few weeks looking after my Mom before I could step in to do so and were pretty much regulars at my Beer Store at that point. Their beers of choice, at that point, were Gary's European go-to, Guinness, as well as Molson's Rickard's White, a macro Belgian Wit that they both quite enjoy. I have to agree that it's a pretty good example of the style... but now they were entering Big Brother Donny's Craft Beer Den of Sin. There would be no macros on this night, though as both Jerry and George would say, "Not that there's anything wrong with that."

Now before I tell you how Saturday night's beer-talking sessions went, perhaps a quick look at some of the beers that stood out at this event to my brother, his wife and myself. Topping that list was the one we three all agreed was delicious - Four Fathers Brewing (Rockwood, Ontario) Shevchenko 9 Ukrainian Dunkel Euro Dark Lager. As Guinness drinkers, I suspected this might be to their European tastes and with me, the darker the lager, the better.

Which beer was my go-to through the weekend? Well,
Mackenzie and Whitney at the Beau's All Natural
Brewing booth will tell you that they served me more
than my fair share of their outstanding Full Time IPA

Now despite the fact that Four Fathers Brewing began with four fathers meeting in the hockey rink as their sons played, someone in the group is a soccer fan as the name is a tribute to retired Ukrainian soccer star Andriy Shevchenko, who (oddly) always wore jersey #7, not 9, during his illustrious career. So after two samples, I asked Gary and Phe what flavours they were getting from the 5% lager in terms of taste. "Chocolate, for sure," said Phe. "Like a nut and coffee thing," added Gary. And both were bang-on.

But after that, it was the Beau's booth that saw a lot of our time. For me, it was refills of their Full Time IPA, one of the best beers put out in 2017 to my thinking. I don't know an IPA lover out there who wasn't wowed by this beauty this year.

But Gary and Phe found something else at the Beau's booth that they loved - the brewery's Quads & Rockers Belgian Style Quad that tips the scales at a weighty 10.5%. I'm not sure that either had ever had a Belgian Quad before and lemme tell you, Beau's turned them both into huge fans of the style within mere hours. Less, actually, as it was love at first sip.

Beau's Haters Gonna Hate Imperial Kolsch was actually a mistake from
the first crack at making their big Ontario favourite Lug Tread Kolsch.
Matthew from Beau's told that to the crowd during his stint up front.

The pair of them went through as much as the Quads & Rockers as I went through the Full Time IPA. And it is a one great Belgian. I have had it before and always got plum on the nose. Gary got raisins and some banana (which I then got as soon as he said it) while Phe got a lot of coffee in the flavour. But to be honestly, I think the pair just liked drinking a beer over 10%. I don't think they see a lot of that in Spain. And all of us could feel the warmth of the alcohol as it slid down. Rich and oh-so-very dark, it's always been one of my favourite Belgian Style Ales brewed in Ontario.

Let's move on to Matthew from Beau's and see how his turn at the front table turned out.

Hmmm, looking at that glass on the right, I
can see I covered all the big styles in my talk
but it's the glass on the left that speaks to me.
Drink local Ontario craft beer if you want to
live a good life and eventually go to Heaven. 

Well, here's a guy who's used to working the room at Beer Festivals so you know he's going to have the gift of gab, right? He was a lot like Charles that way.

And when he was speaking of Beau's provincially-famous Lug Tread Lagered Ale, he told the story about how it started out as a mistake. (That's okay, Matthew, so was my brother, Gary, but let's just keep that between ourselves.) When they were brewing their first-ever batch of Lug Tread, it accidentally froze, which, in turn, jacked the alcohol level above 7%. So they did it correctly a second time and came out with the desired 5%, instead. But that batch that was a mistake? The damn thing won "Best of Show" at the Golden Taps Awards in Toronto that year. So the brewery recreated the initial batch, named it Haters Gonna Hate Imperial Kolsch, which is a must-have for fans of the style. But be warned, at 7.1%, this ain't your grandpappy's Kolsch. Well, unless your grandpappy is Irish like mine was, in which case, he'd be slamming this down like soda pop.

But Matthew didn't come to the table alone. While there, he met one of the volunteers, Devon, who was, at that point, just days away from graduating the Niagara College Brewmaster Program.

Yeah, I got my little sign up front at the cash counter for the two days of the
BurlOnTap Beer Festival but gang, here's a REAL sign!! When my man
Drunk Polkaroo and his lovely wife, Kat, visited Cowbell Brewing in Blyth,
Ontario near the end of October, the brewery took this sentence out of his
subsequent blog and made this, which is framed and posted in the brewery!

So for the final session, I dragged poor Devon up there. I talked about lagers and ales, then basically passed the whole thing over to him. Like, "..and here's Devon to talk about everything else!" I gotta be honest - that worked exceptionally well for me. The audience got a real understanding of the various styles from a young man on the cusp of turning pro.

So if I had to describe my public speaking style after this event, I would suggest that I seem to shine when it comes to delegating the work to others. So there you go - just like every day at the Beer Store. Always play to your strengths, I say.

But here's an interesting sidebar. On the afternoon of BurlOnTap Day Two, I ran into Nickel Brook co-owner John Romano working the retail counter at the brewery because, of course, Charles was at the Beer Fest. Because I know John fairly well, I absolutely raved about the awesome job his young superstar did for me the night before. Now, a couple of months later, Charles is training for an Inside Sales job there. Was this on the strength of my praise? Absolutely not. It was gonna happen. Because, you see, we always hear the same things repeatedly about Millennials. They're entitled, they're spoiled, they have no ambition, they have no focus... and so on. I call absolute bullshit on that crap. Because I watched three of them come up front with me and they absolutely stole the show. I'm not surprised. As The Who said way back in 1965, "The kids are alright." Some things never change from generation to generation. But guys and dolls, that's it, that's all and I am outta here! Until next time, I remain...