Cara and Jay's Excellent Adventure...

Co-worker Jay-Dawg and the lovely Cara take in a Toronto
Blue Jays game earlier in the season. There are multiple
pictures I could have used for this pair but I liked Cara's
tartan Blue Jays cap in this one. Quite a fashion statement.

My co-worker Jay-Dawg was in an annual Lee Family Golf Tournament earlier this Summer and in the end, he walked away one helluva prize.

Now before I get to that, here's a couple of things I think you need to know about Jay. His actual name is Jason Lee, the same name as the "My Name Is Earl" actor. So we've always just called him Jay (or Jay-Dawg, in my case) just on the off chance that the actor walks into our Beer Store. We don't want any confusion as to whom we are talking to. Frankly, our Jay is far more famous in Oakville and Burlington circles than that actor guy and we don't want a Hollywood ego feeling snubbed by having to harshly chide him, "No, we were talking to our Jason, not you, Earl..." Now if the actor Jason showed up with his friend and director Kevin Smith, he would get some attention from me as Smith is a huge comic book guy, just like me. And I mean, Smith would get attention, not Jason Lee #2, as we call the Hollywood one.

And another thing is I'm not certain why Jay won the prize at his family's annual golf tournament, whether it was random or not, but since his super-competitive brother Jonny was playing, I would guess Jay won for The Least Amount Of Clubs Broken...

International superstar Shania Twain honed
her craft at the Deerhurst Resort way back
in the 1980s. She made the place famous...

But back to the prize, which was a two-night stay at the Deerhurst Resort in Huntsville, Ontario - the heart of cottage country. That may seem like no big deal until you realize that rooms there run from about $300 to $650 a night - the higher priced ones overlooking Peninsula Lake - during the height of cottage season. That's roughly the same as the ultra-posh Royal York Hotel in Toronto. So how does a Huntsville resort manage charging such opulent prices? After all, during my last Las Vegas trip, my room at the Excalibur Hotel cost me around $100 a night. And having been to Huntsville, well, it's nice and all but it ain't Vegas, boys and girls.

Turns out there's a reason Huntsville Resort has become famous. It seems international country-pop music superstar Shania Twain honed her craft performing at Deerhurst Resort in the mid-1980s to early-1990s. You've probably heard of her. Sold over 85 million albums, making her the best-selling female country singer of all time. And pretty much the most wicked-hot smokeshow ever exported from Canada to the international masses. Although I suppose a case could be made for Rush singer Geddy Lee. (Everyone Else: "No, Donny, he looks like a professor from Harry Potter." Me: "Kidding. Just seeing if you were paying attention. I meant Avril Lavigne.")

Flying Monkeys Craft Brewery in Barrie now has a fully-functional bar,
which sports 16 taps. If I ever lived in Barrie, I would just rent a place
across the street because frankly, that's a bar that's pretty tough to beat.
This Mark Wanzel photo from the Barrie Examiner shows the FM gang.

But a simple two-hour drive to a resort can be a most excellent adventure and Jay held the key to precisely that in his navigator and pretty co-pilot Cara. Prior to their departure, Cara plotted a course that would see pit-stops in four renowned Ontario craft breweries along the way. I mean, if you're going take rest breaks along the way, at least enjoy the ambiance, right? By ambiance, I, of course, mean any place you can drink good craft beer. Not art galleries and boring crap like that.

And Cara picked four of the best - Barnstormer Brewing and Flying Monkeys Craft Brewing, both in Barrie, Sawdust City Brewing in Gravenhurst and Muskoka Brewery in Bracebridge. And that's why we all call her Clever Crafty Cara. (Disclaimer: It's safe to assume this is the only time she's ever been called that and the "crafty" refers to only beer, not sneakiness. That said, I will be sharing a sneaky but very funny Cara story at the end.)

The first picture Jay sent me from Cara and Jay's
Excellent Adventure was a picture of the urinals at
Barrie's Barnstormer Brewing. As you can see, they
converted an old Miller Brewing keg into a urinal.
Let's assume the underlying joke is it tastes the same 
going in as it does coming out? Testing this theory is
not advised by my crack team of (barely) legal interns

Hitting Barrie, their first pit-stop was Barnstormer Brewing. "It's crazy," Jay-Dawg told me. "You wouldn't even know it was a brewery at first. It's a unit in this new-looking plaza." Like me, he expects breweries to be separate, stand-alone structures. But the fact is, when it opened a few years back in 2013, it was both a brewery and a pizzeria and its name reflected that. The "and Pizzeria" part of the name was dropped just last year.

Two things haven't changed, though. One, the brewery loves its aviation theme. Barnstormers were pilots that entertained crowds with their trick aerial stunts back in the 1920s. And two, these folks brew some damn good beers.

Jay and Cara brought me back a pretty good pair from these guys. First up was their Wind-Shear Watermelon Summer Ale. When Cara got one on tap at the brewery, it was garnished with a sizable wedge of watermelon that I'm surprised didn't topple over the glass. This is actually the second watermelon wheat I've had, having enjoyed (very much to my surprise) the Kensington Brewing version at the Toronto Festival of Beers two Summers ago. As you can see, the 4.1% wheat pours a pale gold colour and you get wheat and fruit on the nose but far more pronounced watermelon on the tongue. This was a superb Summer Sipper.

While they called it a Summer Ale, I suspected it had
to be a wheat ale. So when they listed the ingredients
on the ale and "wheat" was there, bazinga! What we
have here is a fun, Summery and fruity wheat ale...

While I wouldn't drink it all afternoon (one or two would do), I quite enjoyed it. And Cara absolutely loved it. But my buddy Paul The Beer Guy actually did have a chance to try both watermelon wheats side-by-side and told me on Instagram, "While both are good in their (own) way, I preferred the Barnstormer brew myself."

The next one I would happily drink all afternoon is the Barnstormer seasonal Accelerated Stall Maverick's Imperial IPA. After three years, the brewery has finally made a Top Gun reference!!! So what's an accelerated stall? It's when your engines totally cut out but the plane is still going at a high rate of speed so you start to go to a really bad place, almost always down. It's nearly impossible to recover from which means, well, very quickly write a will. And don't be named Goose. Just sayin'. But back to the beer, this 8.4%, 80 IBU (international bitterness units) IIPA is goosed - pun fully intended - with Ella and Summer hops from Australia, Cashmere hops from the USA and Aramis hops from France. Delicious citrus and tropical fruit notes on the nose, the bitterness of the hops and malt backbone were noticeable on the tongue. Damn tasty!

And Highway 400 in Barrie becomes the "highway to
the Danger Zone" as Barnstormer Brewing FINALLY
made their first Top Gun reference!! The Mav rocks!

As a sidenote, I will always believe it's Iceman's fault that Goose died, not Maverick's because Mav could have made that shot but he got caught in too-proud Ice's jet-wash and spun out, instead. If Goose's widow, Meg Ryan, needs me to testify, I am an expert witness because I watched that movie *counts on fingers* like, three times so yeah, I'm kinda qualified. Also a Goose's Gose next from Barnstormer would be pretty funny.

On their website, Barnstormer has a special section for their seasonal offerings. Each description of the beer ends with a potential food pairing for it. But not in every case. Sometimes, they go off-script. For example, the last line of February's release, the Pacific Jade Widebody Imperial IPA offers up this. "Warning: Consumption leads to good conversation and fornication. Please enjoy semi-responsibly." And there's June's Absolute Altitude Saison that suggests: "Pair this with lighter fare on a sunny afternoon in as little clothing as your dignity allows."

If you live in Southern Ontario, this
sign means one thing to you. You are
driving to where all the fun happens

I like the fun they're having up there in Barrie. Also, Barnstormer, if you could set aside about ten Pacific Jade Widebody IIPAs for me next time, I am onboard with the direction that beer takes.

And speaking of fun in Barrie, from Barnstormer, Cara and Jay next drove downtown to Flying Monkeys Craft Brewing where a small surprise lay in wait for them. "They have their own bar!" Jay told me enthusiastically. Not a tasting room, he emphasized, a full-fledged bar. Indeed, this is a new wrinkle at the brewery and according to an August 24 article in the Barrie Examiner, a very well-received initiative. Andrea Chiodo, the brewery's co-owner with husband Peter and its creative director, told the newspaper that "We put just as much time and effort into our craft tap room as we do making our craft beer. The tap room is the place to enjoy and enrich the craft beer experience in a real working independent brewery." The 16-tap bar, which opened on Canada Day, has comfy sofas scattered within, classic rock concert posters on the ceilings and in line with what I mentioned earlier, is the literal definition of "great ambiance."

But what impressed Jay the most was the outstanding tap selection. "As well as their own beers, they have guest taps. And one of the beers available was from Barnstormer!"

Cara and Jay happily enjoyed the downtown Barrie
scenery, drinking their paddles on the brewery's patio.
He reported it was a sunny day and the beers were tasty.

You see, in the Ontario craft beer world, there is no such thing as cross-town rivals. There is, in it place, a sense of both community and camaraderie. Nothing says "We support our neighbour" quite like having their beer on tap in your bar. From their tasters' selection, Jay went nuts for one - their 10% The Chocolate Manifesto Imperial Stout. Having enjoyed it every Winter since its initial release, this beer is like a chocolate cake in a glass! Smooth, rich and delicious... one of the best stouts I have ever had.

But Deerhurst still beckoned so their road show continued and next on the list was Sawdust City, another favourite of both Jay and myself. Since I was actually standing beside him at the 2015 Burlington Beer Festival, I still remember their Golden Beach Pale Ale being the first beer that literally propelled Jay head-first down the craft beer path forever.

So what does a Sour IPA taste like? Well, to this IPA
lover, they taste a lot like a sour, not so much an IPA.
That said, this was a strong offering. While I am still
wrapping my head around the style, it's growing on me

This was the only definite stop I knew the pair had on their travel itinerary prior to their departure and the only one where I had a request. Could he please get me a can of their An Ale Of Two Cities Sour IPA? As you can see, Jay-Dawg pulled through for me. A collaboration between Sawdust City and Kingston's Stone City Ale, I was eager to see what a sour IPA taste like. To me, these two styles are polar-opposites. Sours are usually low alcohol, dependent on sour bacteria for their taste and while they still make my face do the pucker thing, they have become Jay's favourite style in a remarkably short time. By his own admission, Jay has gone from Pale Ale Lover to IPA Snob to Imperial IPA Snob to Sour Snob... all in the span of about 18 months. (But like me, he is open to every style.)

So back to the question: what does a Sour IPA Taste like? Well, to be honest, to me, it's 99% sour and maybe 1% IPA. I know they used Citra, Simcoe and Mosaic hops in the mix, as reflected by the high-for-a-sour 6.8% ABV and 65 IBUs and citrus on the nose.

With Sawdust City's Coriolis Effect, a Berliner Weisse,
I knew exactly what I was getting, having tried countless
variations of Nickel Brook's Uber Berliner Weisses...

As far as I know, that may have set a record for IBUs in a sour-based beer. But man, this was as sour as the Dickens. (You see what I did there?) That said, I'm glad I got my hands on one, courtesy of Jay, simply because I love trying new stuff. And unlike, say, antique shopping in the countryside with an insistent girlfriend, this is a new thing I will probably try again. (Her: "Wow, look, an old wooden wheel! Hey, there's some old licence plates!" Me: "Please tell me this particular Circle of Hell is licensed.") That said, my Sour IPA virginity has now been taken. Since it took me about 20 minutes to drink this, it lasted 19 minutes and 11 seconds longer than the other virginity. So it has that going for it. I did actually enjoy it quite a bit, though. Further investigation into the style is warranted.

And last on deck would be the Sawdust City Coriolis Effect Berliner Weiss, another collaborative beer, this time made with Toronto's Bar Hop Brewco, one of the best craft beer joints in The Big Smoke.

See the handsome dude in this picture? No, not the scuzzy surfer
dude hippie on the right. The craft beer hipster on the left. That's
my buddy, Drunk Polkaroo. And right now, my man needs your
vote for Best Beer Writer at the annual Golden Taps Award. It's
easy and fun. All you have to do is cast your vote for my main man:
 A Vote For Polkaroo Is A Vote For The Betterment Of Society on
the above link and you could win a brand new 2016 cucumber!!
What? His wife Kathryn knows her way around a garden. It's legit.
A cucumber in every salad! A salad that I will never eat but still...
Also when I acknowledged my shirt had come from Value Village
while Polkaroo's was a Sally Ann cast-off, my old neighbour buddy
Pete cracked on Facebook: "Wasn't this movie called Goodwill
Hunting?" Okay, that's just too damn clever. He's a funny dude...

A Coriolis Effect is a term in Physics that means inertia acting on an already-moving object. Obviously, I had to Google that, making it one of the rare times I used Google for something other than the world's most-expensive Spell-Check. So how is the Coriolis Effect connected to a sour beer? Uh, do I look even remotely like a Physicist? Dammit, Jim, I'm just here to drink beer! Okay, let's get to the Coriolis Effect. Like most Berliner Weisses, this 3.5% had some nice light spiciness on the nose and was very citrus and sour on the tongue. I liked it but as strange as it sounds, I thought their Sour IPA was a lot punchier. Still, if you like your sours, can't go wrong with this one.

Cara and Jay's last stop was another of my favourites, Muskoka Brewing. He didn't grab me a beer from there because he knew I had already enjoyed everything they had to offer in their retail shop. But man, he scored some sweet swag, including a very cool Mad Tom IPA T-shirt. When he dropped these beers off at Donny's Bar and Grill, he was wearing the shirt. Next time, I send him off on his journey with $20 and a T-shirt order.

Okay, I promised I'd end with a Crafty Cara story so here goes. I was at Rib Eye Jack's Ale House last week where the lovely Cara is a bartender. I had been pulled over in a RIDE Check the night before. RIDE Checks are random pull-overs by the Halton Police to make sure people aren't drinking and driving. Eight cops had set up shop on the Brant Street exit in Burlington and since that's on my way home, there was no avoiding it. It's not like you can pull a U-Turn on an exit ramp. That falls directly into the category of Dangerous Driving. But it's funny. Even if you haven't been drinking, there's still something nerve-wracking about a RIDE Check.

Jay-Dawg's Paddle at Flying Monkeys. I have NO idea
what he has on there, except that one of the two dark beers
is definitely The Chocolate Manifesto Imperial Stout...

After being asked if I had been drinking, I was waved through because I was fine. But hearing that, Cara had the best RIDE Check story ever. "You want to know how to get through a RIDE Check?" she asked. "Have drunk girls in the car!" She then recounted how she and some girlfriends had been partying at Club 54, a local dance bar. They called a friend to come and collect them. She acknowledged that it was possible he had drank a beer or two (but that's it) before retrieving them. But as their DD, when he got pulled over, they started drunkenly yelling at the officer, "Sexy cop! Turn around! Show us your sexy butt!" At that point, the officer just looked at the harried driver and without asking a single question of his condition to drive, he simply said, "Get these girls home now, please!" And that's why she's Clever Crafty Cara. But guys and dolls, that's it, that's all and I am outta here! Until next time, I remain...