Mom's phone and dark beers

Meant to be a joke but trust me, this is a flip
phone that my Mom would be onboard with!

My poor Mom called me in a frenzied panic the other week because it seems her service provider (no names but rhymes with Rogers) forced her to get a new cell phone. Her message was a bit confusing but included phrases such as "They're talking about a SIM card. I don't know what that is!", "It says it has a camera! Why would I need a camera in my phone?" and of course, the clincher, "It has a big screen! I don't know what that means!"

Now, before I get started, let me remind you that my Mom is 86 years old. Born during the Great Depression, she has lived through a pretty big World War, several recessions and countless acts of terrorism that believe me, started long before 9/11. She's a tough cookie. But hand her new technology? I think she'd rather take on the Nazis single-handedly. That said, realistically, at that age, she needs nothing more than a flip-phone that she can open, dial a number and Betty from the Oakville Seniors' Bridge Club answers.

So, of course, my first thought was, "Oh, those asshats at Rogers made her get a Smart-Phone. What the hell were they thinking?" When I arrived to walk her through it, it turns out, no, it was still a flip-phone. However, when I opened it, she was quite right. It did have a big screen (well, relatively speaking.) Even flippies have advanced.

Believe it or not, the flying envelope
icon actually calmed my Mom down.

And, of course, my Mom's old flip-phone was a simple "open up, hit numbers, make phone call" deal. The new one was a more advanced deal - you had to hit "menu" before you could do anything. "Menu?" my Mom panicked before I reassured her, "Just like in a restaurant, Mom. You open that up to see what you want." Once into menu, nine icons popped up in a tic-tac-toe configuration. More panic. "No problem, let's see what each is," I said, drawing the nine squares on a piece of paper and labelling each. "I only want to make phone calls!" she said. Okay, no problem - top centre. So I put a check mark in that box. All the others, I put a big X in the box. ("Don't need this... don't need this... don't need this") Except one - the "contacts" box. "Here's where you can store all of our phone numbers so if you're outside the house, you can call us."

A big porter, such as Trafalgar Ale and Meads'
Cask Porter needs a big glass. Well, they don't
come any bigger than the Incredible Hulk...

She liked that because at home, she has little Rolodex with everyone's number in it. So we entered some numbers - me, my sister Carly, my son. But the contacts box was also the texting function and being as she had done so well, I pushed the limits a little. "Oh, I don't want to text," she insisted. So I pointed out that sometimes at work, Carly and I can't answer our phones. Wouldn't it be a little easier to simply text "Call me"? With my phone sitting on the table, we created a text on her phone. Then something funny happened. When she hit send, a little envelope grew wings and flew away. "Oh, look at it fly! Right off the screen! I love it!" she gasped with wide-eyed enthusiasm. At the same time, my phone chirped so I picked it up to show her the text. "Is that me? So fast?" she asked incredulously. I opened it and there were her two words - call me. She was sold. "Ohhh, I like this!" So I got to put a double check-mark in that box, bottom centre.

And that, kids, is how I met your mot... oh wait, wrong show... the day I taught your Grandma how to text. (Unissued) challenge accepted and mission accomplished. But hey, since I was already in Oakville, helping my Mom, why not reward myself with a visit to Trafalgar Ale and Meads and their new self-serve 16 tap growler station? After all, I was up for another challenge and pouring my own growlers certainly qualifies.

Lessee, how do Nickel Brook's Robbie and
Amy do this? Tilt, pour? Huh, a little more
tricky than it looks. But hey, I didn't do too
badly for a first-time growler pouring guy.

So in I went and manning the craft beer fort was Sarah, their sweetheart social media maven/customer service rep. Sarah and I had chatted several times behind the scenes on Twitter or whatever but had never met. So she was the perfect person to walk me through the growler-pouring process. As I have watched Robbie and Amy do this hundreds of times at my local Nickel Brook Brewing, I just followed their lead, holding it at the right angle and so forth. And by gawd, when I was pouring Trafalgar's Cask Porter, I got it to within an inch and a half from the top. Not too shabby. However, I was less successful with my attempt at their Baked Apple Mead and needed Sarah's intervention to get it near the top. Previously, Sarah and I talked about their brewers. While I had used a picture of their Brewer Ainsley in a previous column, Sarah noted that Ainsley was "primarily responsible for our on-tap brews - and continues to a favourite - while (Brewer) Chris is primarily responsible for our commercial brews enjoyed in the LCBO, Beer Store and grocery stores." She said along with Head Brewer Dave Jamieson, "Chris brews our delicious mead. Thanks to this team, we have good products both in our retail and out in stores."

Of the varied beers I'm reviewing today,
this is definitely the top dog. Yet another
winner from the fine folks in Hamilton's
Collective Arts Brewing. Smooth and tasty.

Well, lemme tell you something else Chris brews that's pretty damn tasty - that Cask Porter. A recent arrival to the 16-tap growler station (up and running since February 13th), brewery owner-founder Mike Arnold had likened it to Innocente Brewing's (Waterloo) Charcoal Porter, an excellent dark brew. While I could smell only coffee and chocolate, when I tasted the 5% porter, I got what I thought was a very faint whiff of bourbon. I wasn't certain because whenever I've had a bourbon barrel-aged porter or stout (and I have had many), the bourbon is unmistakable, prominent even. This was not. So I asked Sarah... who asked Chris. Turns out "it was conditioned in stainless steel so any flavour or aromatic compounds you're picking up are from the beer itself." Wow. Okay then, no outside influences so then I guess this is just a damn fine porter! I'll be back for more. I am really appreciating this Oakville brewer these days as they continue to stretch their wings.

Rather than stretch their wings, one craft brewer, Collective Arts, took off like a rocket from their inception. At first contract-brewed out of Nickel Brook, they now equally share the old Lakeport Brewery in Hamilton with Nickel Brook under the name Arts and Science.

I thought Lake of Bays Wild North Series'
Midnight Bock was nice but a little too
much on the thin side. Perhaps a stronger
malt base for the next year's bock batch?

The brewery came to my attention with their inaugural Rhyme and Reason Extra Pale Ale and has held it since with their outstanding Ransack the Universe Hemispheric IPA. So when I picked up their Stranger Than Fiction Porter, it was with a sense of confidence. Its commercial description calls it "a full-bodied porter with plenty of roast flavours, as well as hints of molasses and chocolate. Ridiculous amounts of chocolate and pale ale malts make this porter smooth and creamy." This description is pretty much bang-on, although I also got a little spice and coffee on the nose of this 5.5% black beauty. Outstanding.

Let's switch things up and look towards a bock, in specific, Lake of Bays (Baysville) Wild Series' Midnight Bock. To me, bocks are pretty much kissing cousins to dunkels and dark lagers (all of which I enjoy) - malty and a little deeper, though not as rich as porters and stouts. According to its commercial description, the Midnight Bock is "brewed with malted wheat, specialty malt and molasses." But it was not the "full-bodied treat" as described. To be honest, I found it pretty thin, pouring with little head. Some toast on the nose, a little bitterness on the tongue but... That said, it did improve a fair bit as it warmed up.

HANDLE WITH CARE!!! The Rogue Ales'
Sriracha Hot Stout will clear your sinuses,
not to mention other body parts south of there

However, these guys do know how to brew a tasty bock. Their Crazy Eyes Darcy Tucker Winter Bock Lager was not only one of the best bock lagers I've ever had, it notched a spot on my Best of 2015 list. I think the Midnight Bock just needs some tweaking - a little heavier on the malts, perhaps?

Let's finish this up with a stout that was, well, a real kick in the nuts. Last Summer, Rogue Ales (Newport, Oregon) released their Sriracha Hot Stout, one of the spiciest beers I've ever had. How hot was it? Well, I had a pot of my patented spicy jambalaya simmering on my stove that afternoon. I used the jambalaya, which also incorporates hot sauces, to cool my mouth down. That hot. Apparently, this is the only beer officially sanctioned by Huy Fong Foods, the gang who created the original Sriracha Hot Sauce. The sauce is added to the stout during the brewing process and believe me, it doesn't disappear in this colon cleanser. My recorded tasting notes for this 5.7% stout were this: "Okay, peppery on the nose. Getting maybe some roasty caramel on the tong... oh dammit, this is hot. Pretty good but so so hot!" In the background, screams of the villagers can be heard.

The Simpsons have some fun with the often-funny, at-times-silly names
that craft brewers put on their labels. That Harry Potter Porter is not that
far removed from Great Lakes Brewing's Harry Porter, proving yet again
that life often imitates art... or The Simpsons. Garbage Pale Ale? Classic.

I am not sure if it is returning to our LCBOs again this Summer but keep your eye open. This is one you should try just to say you survived it.

To bring this full circle, I was explaining to one of the young part-timers at the Beer Store that back in the day, at home, we had one phone (maybe two) we all shared, usually attached to the kitchen wall. You could not walk into the bedroom with it for privacy, nor was there any call display. "But how did you know who was calling?" she asked in wide-eyed horror. "Well, that's the thing," I told her. "You didn't. You just answered and took your chances." Pretty sure she shivered. Probably the notion of her parents be able to hear what she was saying.

Democratic presidential hopeful Bernie Sanders
may or may not win his run but hey, the Vermont
Senator certainly knows his state's best beer is
The Alchemist's Heady Topper Imperial IPA...

Actually, that was kinda brutal but there was fun to be had. In high school, I had two older sisters, also in the same school. As their various and sundry boyfriends would occasionally visit, I got to know them. Every once in a while, when one would call, if I was feeling like being a little shit (so often), I would answer the phone and say, "Look, man, I heard my sisters talking and she's planning on dumping you today. I just wanted you to be prepared, okay?" Of course, break-up plans were not actually in the works so then, I would call whichever sister, sit in the nearby living room and listen to half of the world's awkward conversation. Why? I was a little brother. It was my job, man.

Next up, oh geez, a bunch of stuff. What did Jay-Dawg bring me back from Bellwoods Brewery in Toronto? What did Rib Eye Jack's Ale House Cask Night regular Stevie-D bring me back from Vermont? What did Rib Eye Jack's GM Steve bring me from Steve's Stash? So we have lots of beer to talk about. Plus Nickel Brook ace employee Tony Cox brings the food trucks back to the brewery this Saturday (April 2) - Hamilton's Salted Pig food truck will be there from noon to 4 pm. As will I. But guys and dolls, that's it, that's all and I am outta here!! Until next time, I remain...

Millennials and Gen-X and Boomers, oh my...

So a Baby Boomer and a Millennial walk into a
bar... stop me if you've heard this one. No, actually
this is just me and Jay-Dawg ripping it up at a
Beer Store Christmas Party a few years back. I
can assure you that Jay no longer drinks Bud...

"So what am I anyway?" my coworker, Jay-Dawg, asked me when the idea of different generations and their names came up last week.

Well, I wasn't entirely sure. You see, while I was born towards the tail end of the Baby Boomers (born 1946 to 1963), I wasn't sure when the subsequent Generation X (starting in 1964) ended and when the following Generation Y, now more commonly referred to as Millennials, began.

So I told him I would find out. "Just don't tell me I'm a Millennial, okay?" he requested. So I checked it out. Uh-oh. Gen-X ran from 1964 to 1981 while the Millenials were born between 1982 and 2001. Jay was born in '83. He was a Millennial.

When I caught up to him at Rib Eye Jack's Ale House after work, downing a couple with the restaurant's staff, I gave him the generational breakdown by years. "How can I be a Millennial?" he asked, "I'm all about NWA..." whereas the later Millennials, now in their teens, would be all about, well, Taylor Swift. NWA, of course, was one of the first rap groups (considered by most to be the best) whose initials stood for, I believe, Nigerians With Attitude. And therein lies the problem with generational gaps. The front end of it feels like it has nothing in common with the back end.

Well, these all look like nice fellows. You see, Jay relates to
the "Straight Outta Compton" gang more than recent pop
singers favoured by the tail end of the Millennials. That's
because Jay, like me, is "Straight Outta Oakville," the
whitest suburban enclave ever in the history of suburbia.

So we went around the table as to who was what. Tiny sweetheart spitfire Cara was also a Millennial while the more worldly Tiffers was Gen-X. Though both absent during the conversation, my favourite beer technician Kylie is a Millennial while my buddy and bar manager Steve is Gen-X. And I get Jay's concerns. I mean, the front end of the Boomers are turning 70 this year. Not feeling like I have tons in common with them, either and when they look at me, they're likely thinking exactly what I think when I look at anyone younger than me. Which is, "Shut up! You're like 14 years old."

While each end of a generation doesn't feel like it has anything in common with those on the other end or other generations at all, turns out we all have that one bad thing in common. Bad fashion choices. In fact, some truly horrific fashion choices.

This, my friends, is a Millennial travesty of fashion.
Yes, it started in black urban areas but it wasn't long
before it came to white suburban neighbourhoods.

With the Boomers, it was something I illustrated in the first picture - tie-died T-Shirts. You see someone wearing a tie-died T-Shirt, they're a Boomer. We're also very partial to the equally-ugly Hawaiian shirt.

Then Gen-X came along and decided to wear their baseball caps backwards. Every once in a while, you could see a Gen-Xer wearing a cap and yet shielding his eyes from the sun with his hand. Which lead us Boomers to wonder, "If only there was a way for his baseball cap to do that for him!"

But the Millennials outdid us all with the ultimate fashion faux-pas that was the pants below the ass, underwear around the waist trend. Aside from waddling around like penguins, we all saw more underwear choices than we cared to. Happily, Jay never fell to this trend. When I came into work one day, he told me about some dummy with the droopy drawers, mumbling away when he got to the cash where Jay was. "This kid was a total marble-mouth. I had no idea what he was saying."

Okay, my first Lambic came courtesy of
Kylie, who suggested that I try the Mort
Subite Kriek Lambic, a very cherry sour.

Neither did the guy, probably closer to my age, behind him in line, who eventually piped up loudly, "For gawd's sake, speak clearly and pull up your damn pants!"

Okay, let's get Beer O'Clock happening here at Donny's Bar and Grill. In this outing, we are going to look primarily at recent suggestions from my favourite Millennial beer technician Kylie or actual gifts from what I have come to call Kylie's Kraft Kollection. Now here's the thing about Kylie. We first met in November 2014 when I stumbled ass-backwards into Rib Eye Jacks and she was working the bar. Seeing that her name-tag said "Beer Technician" on it, she and I started talking about beer. Good beer. Craft beer. We haven't stopped talking about it since. If we were forced to talk about something other than beer, I think we'd be stumped after the weather. Well, not really... we've actually talked about a lot of other stuff but believe me, it always begins and ends with beer.

So when Kylie suggests something, I tend to listen. Traditionally, it's a beer that's heavily-handed on the hops, which is a brew train I will always gladly board. But knowing I have been dipping my toes in the sour beers pool, she asked if I wanted to try a Lambic. I have only tried Berliner Weisses made by my lads at Nickel Brook, so sure, why not? (If it was a disaster, I was sitting not five feet from a tap of Great Lakes Brewing's Thrust, an IPA. It would be a quick recovery.)

Next up on the Sour Beer Tour was Monk's
Cafe Brewing's Flemish Sour Ale. Okay, this
was a very nice beer in a style that's growing
on both me and brewers alike. Tart and fun.

When she walked over with the beer, I chuckled because it was corked. The previous week, I had struggled mightily with a corked bottle from Trafalgar Ales and Meads, using both my teeth and vice-grips to pop it. This was not gonna be dignified. Kylie looked at the bottle, calmly grabbed a corkscrew and popped it off with ease. Good gawd, I'm stupid. That approach - you know, the easy way - never even dawned on me.

So my first ever Lambic was a Mort Subite (Koobegem, Belgium) Kriek Lambic. How did it taste? Very cherry and not overly sour. Rib Eye Steve explained to me that any sourness from the beer is connected to the sour cherries that it is barrel-aged with for a year. As it turns out, the Kriek Lambic is precisely that - a very specific style of lambic that is intentionally aged with sour Morello cherries. The 4.5% sour was an interesting and honestly tasty diversion. The same brewery makes another Kriek called a Framboise which is aged with raspberries so I am on the hunt.

But Kylie followed it up with a little take-home four-pack for me, featuring a Monk's Cafe Flemish Sour Ale and then *praise be to Odin* some hoppy goodness - a Prairie Artisan Ales' Tulsa Rugby Ale, as well as two from the Alpine Beer Company, their Duet IPA and Pure Hoppiness Double IPA.

A pale ale, an IPA and an Imperial IPA?
Now we're talking Donny's language. Let's
get our hops on! Say, can I trademark that?

Okay, let's start with the Monk's Cafe Flemish Sour Ale. I'm not entirely sure what style of sour this is. Definitely not a berliner weisse, perhaps a lambic? Brewed in Ertvelde, Belgium, this was similar to the Mort Subite offering, though the fruitiness in the 5.5% brew was dialed way down. Bits of apple and cherry, this again was more tart than sour so clearly what qualifies as a sour is given a wide berth. Sweet and sour in the finish and again, enjoyable and refreshing... but let's be honest, it was the next three that I was lusting after.

Ah yes, whether she realized it or not, Kylie had pulled off what's known as "The Donny Triple Play", which consists of a pale ale, an IPA and a Double IPA. That's some excellent fielding there, my Millennial friend! And, as taught to me by Rib Eye Steve, they are to be consumed in order of strength - that way, you're not trashing your palate with the big hops first but rather working your way up. Steve's a lot like my Beer Yoda that way. For starters, he talks backwards a lot - "Drink good beer, you must" and a personal favourite, "An idiot, you are." Also he's only two feet tall. I chalk up the fact that he appears to be taller than me mostly to robotics.

It's baaaaaack! Once called "the best beer in
Ontario" by me (and probably other people - I
haven't really asked around), Nickel Brook's
Immodest Imperial IPA has hit the shelves at
the Burlington brewery again. Before I could
even go and grab some, Cara gifted me with
one. "Don't tell anyone," she whispered. Don't
worry - no one reads this thing. You're safe...

So following the strict Steve's Rules Of Beer Engagement, I cracked open the Prairie Artisan Ales' (Tulsa, Oklahoma) Tulsa Rugby Ale first. Brewed with Chinook and Summit hops, this is nothing but citrus on the nose, more on the tongue with hints of added pine, I was genuinely surprised to find out this dynamite little 5.4% pale ale was only 30 IBUs (international bitterness units). Honestly, like Nickel Brooks' Naughty Neighbour APA (38 IBUs), it tastes hoppier than it is.

Okay, the next two from Alpine Beer Company (Alpine, California) caused no small amount of research on my end. At first, I thought they were contract-brewed out of San Diego's Green Flash Brewing. No, it turns out Green Flash bought them in 2014. So a craft brewer buying another craft brewer? Here's a trend I can finally get onboard with. Regardless, I assumed I'd like the Double IPA more than the IPA. Folks, this was a dead heat, like, say, Superman versus The Flash in a foot race. (DC Comics has done this a number of times. The Flash usually wins but not always.) According to RateBeer, both the Duet IPA and Pure Hoppiness Double IPA are brewed out of Green Flash. No idea if that's still the case (or ever was) as RateBeer has mislead me in the past. But the bottles for both said brewed out of San Diego so that's telling me Green Flash. I also don't care.

On Leap Day, my Millennial friend Mel finished
her first cross-stitch. As the reigning Craft Beer
Queen of Toronto, Mel used it to emphasize a
point I have been trying to make for years now.
Please shop locally to support your craft brewers

Using Simcoe and Amarillo hops (two of my favourites), I was stunned to see the 7% Duet was just 45 IBUs but that said, it was beautifully balanced with the malts and hops. Tropical fruit on the nose, citrus and pine on the tongue, this was a strong single IPA. Likewise, the 8% Pure Hoppiness (IBUs withheld but I'd guess around 80) was pine and hops on the nose, grapefruit on the tongue. Couldn't find the hops used but guessing Centennial is among those in the mix. Smooth as silk. The fact is I could recommend either happily.

Okay, before we part ways, I would like to point out that every generation can learn something from the others. For instance, when a Millennial suggested to me that he was going to take his "date to Pound Town", I assumed he meant a British Dollar Store. Turns out it's something else. Huh. As well, when my Millennial store manager was instructing customers to tap their debit and credit cards (one beep means processing, two means you have to insert your card), if she heard one beep, she told customers that was the "money shot." After seeing a few male customers smirking, I took her aside and told her to Google it as that was a common porn term. But she didn't Google it. She Google Imaged it. Even as fair-skinned as she is, I'm not sure I've ever seen that shade of white in a face before. I doubt it scarred her for life but she was pretty shaky for the rest of the shift. So you see? We all learn from each other. Also to my American readers in the midst of a federal election campaign. Your left has promised to eliminate homelessness. Your right is promising to eliminate ISIS. Odin promised to rid your land of Frost Giants. I still see the homeless and ISIS but has anyone seen a Frost Giant lately? I think not. #VoteOdin. Just sayin'... But guys and dolls, that's it, that's all and I am outta here!!! Until next time, I remain...

An overload of new bosses

Steam Whistle Brewing co-founders Greg Taylor and
Cam Heaps are now among my new bosses. I should
probably tell them that ordering me to "drink more
beer!" is the best way to assure employee compliance
 in my case. I'm a good soldier, given the right orders.

If you've read this little horse and pony show more than once, you likely have come to realize that I am a Beer Store employee. Not a particularly effective or efficient one, mind you, but I have an employee number and I show up at the place 40 hours a week so I guess I qualify in some small capacity. My immediate boss and I can't quite pinpoint what my function is other than "the guy the others send any customer interested in trying craft beer to" but who knows when you're on the brink of discovery, right? But she's not my only boss. I have many more. There's the boss above her and another above that and then countless people in head office right up to our Fearless Leader Ted Moroz. So I have a lot of bosses.

But even my bosses have bosses and they would be the Beer Store owners, Molson's, Labatt and Sleeman. Because those owners are now foreign-owned, you may remember an outcry of people and craft brewers complaining that the Beer Store was an "oligopoly," a market structure in which a few firms dominate and in essence, control the market-place. To that end, the Ontario government decided it was time for some serious beer reforms. The first was getting beer into the grocery stores, which has begun in earnest and will continue to for many years.

Here's some more of my new bosses from Wellington
County in Guelph - head brewer Marvin Dyck and
sales guy Scotty Bough. What are they doing? Well, they
are brewing their Shellfish Bastard Saison, using, yes,
lobsters in the early boiling wort part. What's more
is the pair ate the said boiled lobsters afterwards. Some
of my new bosses, a little off the wall but I kinda dig that

But even before the government came forward with their reforms, Fearless Leader Ted announced that in order to get craft breweries more access to the Beer Store, they all got two free listings at the five nearest Beers Stores surrounding them. Many in Ontario (yes, many) have taken them up on that offer (and there's more each week) because, hey, free is still the best price going. That's why I hover around the sample tables at Costco. If you're smart, free lunch!

He also announced that craft brewers would be allowed to buy into the Beer Store ownership group. Now if I can be frank (and I can because Frank's on vacation and I had "fill in for Frank" added to my job description), I was dubious that any craft breweries would jump on that offer even at $100 a player. Even to me, it seems to play out as a bit of a Christians In The Lions' Den scenario. I didn't count on them having much power at the boardroom table. Then I probably petted someone's dog and promptly forgot about it.

So I was surprised - and pretty damn happy - when Fearless Leader Ted sent us all an email on March 4, outlining the Beer Store's new owners, a line-up that features some of our province's best craft brewers - some 20 in all.

Among all the players at the table, perhaps the most
uniquely positioned is George Croft, who worked
at Labatt for 20 years, then the much smaller and
now-defunct Lakeport Brewery and is running the
medium-sized Brick Brewing now. He has, quite
frankly, worked at all sizes of breweries in his life

And lemme tell you, there's some impressive (and unexpected) names on this list. Amsterdam Brewing, Barnstormer Brewing, Beau's All-Natural Brewing, Flying Monkeys Brewing, Forked River Brewing, Grand River Brewing, Highlander Brewing, Durham Brewing, Hockley Valley Brewing, Lake of Bays Brewing, Magnotta Brewing, Nita Brewing, Pioneer Brewing, Railway City Brewing, Sawdust City Brewing, Side Launch Brewing, Steam Whistle Brewing, Trafalgar Ales and Meads, Wellington County Brewing and Whitewater Brewing. These are my new bosses??? When's the flippin' party???

Of course, the big guns (Labatt, Molson and Sleeman) are still there but the medium-sized Brick Brewing and Moosehead Brewing have been added to the roster. So given their huge numbers, do the craft brewers now hold ultimate power in the boardroom? Will they now rule the Ontario Beer Universe?

In a word, no. To translate that into German, French, Russian and New Jersey, nein, non, nyet and nada chance, ya jabroni. You see, on the Board of Directors - the guys who vote on stuff - Labatt and Molson's each have four players. After them are four new non-beer guys (an Oakville lawyer and former big-wigs with Maple Leaf Foods, Canadian Tire and Proctor and Gamble.) Then Sleeman's and Brick (George Croft, pictured) each have a vote.

Pressure? What pressure? I can do this in my sleep,
says Frank Heaps of representing the craft brewers
at the Beer Store Board of Directors' table. In fact,
at most board meetings, sleep is always involved...

 And finally, carrying the hopes and dreams of those 20 feisty craft brewers is Frank Heaps, founder of the former Upper Canada Brewery and father of Steam Whistle founder Cam Heaps. So if all those 20 craft brewers only have one combined vote through their proxy Frank, why bother?

Simply this. After years of being completely shut out, they are finally at the big boys' table. In a small way, yes. But at least they're in the room. So I asked my buddy, Brian Wilson, the brewmaster of Highlander Brewing, as small as their role is, was this simply more a matter of finally having a voice? He answered succinctly, "Exactly!"

And as succinct as Brian was, when we talked, Mike Arnold, founder of Trafalgar Ales and Meads, was downright loquacious. "You can't bitch if you're not the table. For years, we have always had concerns with how we (as craft brewers) were treated at the Beer Store and now me and the (19) others can at least speak up through Frank."

Better on the playing field than in the spectators' stands
was the attitude that Trafalgar Ales and Meads founder
Mike Arnold had, opting for ownership in the Beer Store

Now, of course, he added, "There are concerns (on our end) as to what extent Frank gets listened to at the Beer Store (boardroom table.)" And a simple Math check adds another layer of potential reality-check to that. Even if Frank can sway both Brick and Sleeman's votes, as well as the four independent businessmen's votes on any given issue, that adds up to seven votes. Between them, Molson's and Labatt have eight. As reminiscent as it is of, say, the 1984 Edmonton Oilers, an 8-7 win still goes in the old "W" Column.

However, Mike noted that the little guys may have an ace in the hole. "The government is watching this (new boardroom set-up) very closely, just as they're watching the (beer) roll-out into the grocery stores. And remember, they have the final say. I mean, I give (Ontario Premier Kathleen) Wynne full credit for flexing her muscles." In other words, even a sniff of collusion or oligopoly from the restructured boardroom and the government pile-driver could land hard on the wresting mat again. Think about it - the beer distribution system in Ontario was exactly the same for 86 years. Wynne dismantled it and shook that up in mere months.

See that little bit of beer at the bottom of the
glass? That represents two things. For one,
it represents the tiny power the craft brewers
have at the Beer Store boardroom table. But
secondly and more importantly, it represents
the last time I let my young son pour me beer.

In a CBC-News interview, Jane Southgate, owner of Cambridge's Grand River Brewing, echoed Mike's sentiment. "When I looked at it, I didn't think I had anything to lose and it gave me more access to information." As Mike alluded to with me, Southgate said Heaps was chosen to represent the craft brewers "because he has so much knowledge of the process, instead of picking someone who was brand new to any dealings with the Beer Store." (This is very true. When I worked part-time at the Beer Store from 1991 to 2000 - so a long time ago - Upper Canada had probably eight or nine listings there. Frank was a pioneer.) But she added cautiously, "It's all a step in the right direction but it's a baby step."

In the same CBC interview, Wellington County's VP of Brewing Brent Davies was also pinning his hopes on Heaps. "In the past, we've never had kind of a voice or a person out there to represent us." Also, like Mike Arnold, he wants to see more self-serve Beer Stores. In Oakville, three out of six are self-serve (including mine) but that's a rarity as only 23% across the province are. Said Davies: "The biggest thing we want change for is to be able to have our product be seen and be held by our customers." Just like at the LCBO, he said, craft brewers want Beer Store customers to be able to pick up their packaging and read about the product they're holding. "A better shopping experience is what we'd like to see at the Beer Stores," he finally noted.

And thank you, Jimmy Fallon, for exposing our dark secret
to the entire world. You know what? I was pulling it off, too!

So I guess I have a whole bunch of new bosses. And that's pretty cool. Because new bosses, out of professional courtesy, usually take me out for a beer. Or more. Not that I'm singling anyone out... Amsterdam, Barnstormer, Beau's, Flying Monkeys, Highlander, Lake of Bays, Sawdust City, Side Launch, Steam Whistle, Trafalgar and Wellington County. The fact that your products have been highly lauded in this space before should have no bearing. None whatsoever. Nope. *Starts whistling the beginning of Guns n Roses' Patience because it's the only whistling song I know* But I've seen Motley Crue a dozen times and singer Vince Neil asks only one thing of us, his audience. "Make some f**king noise!" Guys, go in there and make some f**king noise, okay? Next up, holy crap, did my Rib Eye Jack's Ale House beer technician Kylie ever just hand me four beauties or what! So it looks like we're actually talking beer next time. But guys and dolls, that's it, that's all and I am outta here!! Until next time, I remain...

Trafalgar goes to Growler Town

Brewer Ainsley (the pretty one) and Trafalgar Ales & Meads founder
Mike Arnold (the rugged one) pose in front of their brand spanking
new 16-tap growler pour station. It seems every few years, this brewery
reinvents itself in one way or another. I suspect Mike is a restless soul.

Last May, just two weeks after Oakville's Trafalgar Brewing and Distillery won an unprecedented seven awards at the Ontario Brewing Awards, I wrote a piece on them in this space entitled, "The Reinvention of Trafalgar Ales and Meads."

The title was just meant as a nod to the fact that after years of skipping the OBAs, they had finally come back and, in fact, took last year's Newcomer of the Year - 21 years after the brewery's creation. By that criteria alone, I have thread-bare underwear that qualify for the New Briefs of the Year Award, a handful possibly older than the brewery. But in a minute, I'll explain why a little later why that ended up being a little more prophetic than I knew at the time.

But on February 13th, I popped into the brewery at their invite to check out their new growler station. And damn, it's impressive. Sixteen different growler taps - the most I have ever seen - which will be self-serve (soon), something else I have never seen. I mean, leaving growler taps at my mercy? Well, we'll see how that plays out.

I have a chance to chat with brewery founder Mike Arnold that day and as per usual, he was both helpful and forthright. "I don't know of too many other places that has 16 growler taps. We'd like to be be self-serve. We'll help now but in two months, we'd like it to be completely self-serve.

Trafalgar Ales and Meads owner Mike Arnold and General
Manager Connor Orchard pose behind the seven awards
they won at the 2015 Ontario Brewing Awards. A sweet haul!

We'll put a video up there so people will know how to do it." My thinking is if you can pour beer into a glass (as all of you should be doing), you might possibly be capable of filling a growler. Eventually. I get mine filled at Burlington's Nickel Brook all the time and I have watched as my main pourers, Robbie and Amy, deal with the extra head that comes with the keg. More than a bit of foam goes down the trap drain so most of us would be instantly skilled at pouring half a growler of beer with the other half being head. So there's a skill involved here.

So why the costly investment of installing 16 growler stations at Trafalgar? Well, the problem as Mike sees it is that while people will be getting the freshest possible beer from tasting at the growler stations, that may not be the case elsewhere. "The problem is since we don't sell beer to licensees (bars and restaurants), basically the only place people can get (our products) is at the LCBO and that beer can be anywhere from two to six months old. So they're tasting old beer essentially. We were at a disadvantage here. When people sample beers (at other craft breweries), they're getting beers that are three and four days old."

When the Burlington Beer Festival held their kick-off
prior to the Summer Beer Festival, both Cameron's and
Trafalgar Brewery (shown here) set up booths to create
awareness of what very good beer tastes like. True story.

(Full disclosure: the Oakville Beer Store I work at stocks both their Ginger Mead and Peach Mead and while they do sell, they don't exactly fly off the shelf so he's right about the age of their product. It's not just the LCBO. It's us, too.)

He continued: "We do some lovely beers but it's just that sometimes the LCBO (and Beer Store - my addition, not his) doesn't treat them well."
And because he worried about product sitting on the LCBO and Beer Store shelves for months when he recently gave a talk to a Napanee business group about the challenges of running a nano-brewery, he urged them all, "Focus on your retail area. It's always gonna be fresh. You have control over it." So he had to admit, "I'm finally taking my own advice... 23 years later. You can always learn."

Now here comes the ironic part. Mike himself isn't all that big on the whole growler movement. "Growlers, to me, tend to be a bit of fad. I don't think they're going to last too long because they're not the best way to keep beer. In two or three years, we'll change this around again. But right now, growlers are taking off. You can always tell when the fad's over when the (Summerhill in Toronto) LCBO puts in a growler station."

Ironically, after adding a huge 16-tap growler
station, Mike said he thought growlers were a
"fad." I don't agree there but then, I don't have
the experience that he has in the craft industry

He added with a laugh, "They're (the LCBO) not quite leading edge." However, he did acknowledge, "But the people who do come to buy growlers are also the people who know a fair bit about beer." (Hey, that's me!)

But one thing he would dearly love to see - as would I - is craft breweries being able to sell each other's product. When the Ontario Liberals came through with these Beer Reforms late last year, that was part of the changes but it seems to have fallen to the wayside. Said Mike: "That's on the back burner now. It's not off the burner but it's on the back burner because the government right now is going to focus on 'Let's roll out as many grocery stores as possible, make sure they do well and then we'll consider (cross-selling between craft breweries.)' It's not a high priority item. It's a shame because there's some beautiful beers being brewed in Ontario right now and a lot of them aren't in the LCBO." (Again... or in the Beer Store. Just keeping it honest here.)

And he wasn't shy about who he'd like to see on the Trafalgar taps, singling out out Waterloo's Innocente Brewing, noting he had enjoyed their Charcoal Porter on cask in a Burlington restaurant. "It was delightful," he said, adding with a grin, "It was almost as good as ours. I would love to be able to get their beer on tap (in Trafalgar)."

Poor forlorn Ainsley, completely coated with yeast, was
the brewery's choice for their International Women's
Day pic on Twitter. Ainsley wasn't feeling the love so
much as the laundry she would be doing... Just yeastly!

But here's the thing about Trafalgar. This brewery is always in transition, hence their "reinvention." Two years ago, they also became a distillery, as well. Mike is always shaking stuff up! Oh, they still do their beers and many meads - that hasn't changed. But while their rye whiskey percolates in barrels for another 18 months, they have been making "moonshine" (which takes considerable less time than three years - ask anyone in Kentucky) This year, it's the growler station. Trafalgar is always shifting in new directions (every two years, it seems) simply because Mike can't stop switching things up.

"I guess we're quite unique in that we're both a brewery and a distillery retail store," he told me.
"The rye whiskey needs three years in the oak (barrels). We've got some in the back that will be ready in a year and a half. Those of us who work here are kinda Irish Whiskey fans so rye is kind of on lower on the totem pole."

He added that most of the beers on tap as trial efforts. "Most of the beers here are test beers. We don't have plans to bottle them. Like the Apricot (Fruit Ale). We're not gonna put it in the LCBO or the Beer Store. We'll run it for a few months, see if we get good feedback and then maybe put it in the LCBO."

Trafalgar's Norfolk County Baked Apple Mead was, in fact,
a tasty treat but it took both my teeth and vice grips to get that
cork out. It was my first mead in over 20 years and was worth
the effort. At 8.5%, it's not an every day kind of drink but it is
something you could enjoy on special occasions. Like dessert!

But that's precisely why the brewery has little one-ounce plastic tasters cups at the spigots - they want you to try everything. "They're tiny cups so no one's going to get into any trouble sampling," Mike noted. As well, the individual brewers at Trafalgar are identified for their efforts at every tap. "That way, they can get some ownership of their beers."

So while I was there pestering Mike, I sampled some of Head Brewer Dave Jamieson's Norfolk County Baked Apple Mead and was impressed enough by a tiny taste to track it down at the LCBO. Now I'm a beer drinker but I do know a little bit about meads, which use the more expensive honey rather than sugar in the mix. Going back to 7000 BC, they actually predate beer and were the preferred beverage of Vikings (well, okay, that's just cool). Also by using honey, the only non-perishable food item in existence, meads last a long time. In the case of modern ones like this, they do use hops and barley in the mix, much like beer. The Baked Apple Mead was 8.5% so it's not something to be toyed with but that said, here's your perfect post-meal beverage. Like a good chocolate stout, the sweetness of the apple and cinnamon in this would complement a post-meal coffee and dessert treat perfectly. This actually was delicious to the point that I am looking at meads with new-found appreciation. The little Oakville brewery that finally caught my attention with their Chocolate Orange Porter and later seriously impressed me with their Mighty Oak Imperial Brown Ale has a few new tricks in their bag, it seems. Being as they are actually right around the corner from my Beer Store, I will be back for more of that Baked Apple Mead but their Cask Porter is also on tap now. If I don't try that, society itself is being denied. And by society, I mean me. (Screw society - society sucks.) Next up, Mike and his brewery join 19 other craft breweries on the Beer Store's recently-expanded 25-member Board of Directors. Why? Well, that's a helluva question so we'll have to answer that, won't we? But guys and dolls, that's it, that's all and I am outta here! Until next time, I remain...

Comic geeks vs beer geeks

If you are NOT looking forward to this movie when it
comes out on Friday, March 25th in North America,
then you quite likely are a ginger and have no soul...

Being a charter member of both groups, I can say without hesitation that there is a huge difference between Comic Geeks and Beer Geeks.

As a member of both, I belong to countless Facebook groups on both sides. And lemme tell you, when someone posts a picture on a Beer Geek page with either a newly-found beer score or anything to do with beer making, there are countless questions about said beer/beer making. The questions are always upbeat and productive and the positive affirmations abound like wild yeast growing.

However, you take your life in your hands posting anything on a comic book page. In fact, I never have with good reason. For instance, if you post your theory that Superman could beat Batman simply by picking him up and throwing him into the sun, a three-week contentious and nasty argument will begin. Your heritage will be questioned. Who your mother does or doesn't sleep with will become an animated sidebar. And you will be dismissed as perhaps the stupidest person to ever walk the globe with abundant vitriol. Comic geek pages are not for the faint of heart. That said, they are a viciously entertaining read.

Wait? She's Supergirl, as well as Kara Danvers?
How can you tell? She's wearing glasses, which are
the perfect disguise. There is no cracking that code

Now Beer Bro Stevil St Evil and I definitely fall into the category of being both. Beer Bro Glenn does as well except the only hero he really pays attention to is Marvel's Daredevil, a blind lawyer who dons a bright red uniform and fights crime. I mean, have you seen this guy's costume? Well, he hasn't. Just sayin'... It takes a pretty rotten criminal to not beat a blind guy. Think a poor man's Batman but, you know, minus the whole seeing stuff. That said, they both got started crime-fighting the same way. Well-adjusted, normal children who turned to crime-fighting when they took a bullet to the parents.

But as well as movies, Stevil and I faithfully watch every TV show starring super-heroes and then talk at length about them because we are 14 years old. Now to be frank, Stevil has always been a Make-Mine-Marvel kind of comic geek. I think he likened the 78-year-old DC Comics (home of Superman, Batman and Wonder Woman) to the same level of disdain with which he holds mainstream beer. So your Dad's beer and your Dad's comics. He much preferred the younger, hipper and more realistic approach that Marvel Comics (Spider-Man, Iron Man, Captain America) brought to the medium many years later.

How does Batman keep his identity a
secret? He simply has Superman dress
up as him so Bruce Wayne and Batman
can then stand side-by-side. Of course, at
times, Superman isn't smart enough to
take off his own costume underneath...

However upon viewing The Flash TV show when it debuted a few years back, I noticed Stevil softening on his anti-DC stance as he found it an entertaining and clever watch. But our patience was sorely tested this year when DC released a Supergirl TV show. When it started, it was way too much Melrose Place and not nearly enough the most powerful woman on Earth beating the tar out of bad guys. Producers, no doubt, instantly faced the wrath of the Comic Geeks, the great majority of which are male, and have sufficiently amped up the action ever since.

And the one thing the TV show did early on which I very much appreciated was defusing the whole wearing glasses as a disguise thing that both Supergirl and Superman employ. I mean, glasses? Really? That whole lame-ass disguise scenario has been the bane of many comic readers for decades now, causing us to question how stupid Lois Lane truly is. For instance, imagine Clark Kent looking at Lois' dog and asking her whose dog it is. Lois: "Clark, don't be dumb - that's Buster. He's been my dog for seven years!" Clark puts glasses on Buster. Suddenly Lois gasps, "Oh my god, whose dog is that?" Or perhaps a more modern take on it. Lois: "I just saw Batman. Holy crap has he gained weight." Clark: "Maybe we should call him... *takes off glasses a la CSI Miami* ... Fatman." Lois: "What the hell? You're Superman!"

Anyway, as I said, Supergirl dealt with that quickly as her boss, Cat, suspected her assistant Kara was also Supergirl. In the comics, her alter-ego dons a brown wig and calls herself Linda whereas on the TV show, she just puts her hair into a ponytail and wears glasses.

"You see, boss, I am totally NOT Supergirl!! And this
Supergirl you see here is definitely NOT a Martian
shape-shifter taking my place to convince you at all!"

Well, it would seem Cat is a lot smarter than Lois, confronting Kara about her suspicions and asking her to *gasp* remove her glasses. Upon doing so, Cat instantly knows Kara is also Supergirl. Now that would have been a secret identity deal-breaker except that Supergirl has a buddy from Mars, who conveniently shares all her super-powers, as well as the ability to shape-shift. He poses as Supergirl, stands beside Kara, Cat says, "What was I thinking? You two look nothing alike!" and problem solved. And then if I was writing the show, the Martian would have flown home, stripped off the uniform and admired his naked female body for 18 to 24 consecutive hours. But this is network television (CBS-TV) and I am only allowed to write for HBO so most of my under-appreciated and unused TV writing involves violence, swearing and nudity. And not much else.

But to my thinking, the reason no one has clued in that Clark Kent is Superman is simply this: If you had Superman's powers, why bother being anything but Superman?

This was my second sip of Nickel Brook's Raspberry
Berliner Weisse. I didn't think to take a picture of the
first sip because I was too busy making this exact face.

You save the world a few times and you're never paying for another meal. And let's face it, who's gonna be more attractive to women - Clark Kent or Superman? I mean, come on, Superman is easily gonna score more super-models than even Leonardo DiCaprio. I read that Leo celebrated his recent Oscar win surrounded by a bevy of beauties. So, much the same as he would have celebrated an Oscar loss. Or any given Tuesday. But as Lex Luthor once noted in the comics, "Why would someone with Superman's powers pretend to be a mere mortal? Such power is to be exploited, such power is to be used!" I'm kinda with Lex on this one.

But finally taking off my Comic Geek cap and putting on my Beer Geek hat, much like Stevil's softening on DC Comics, there has been another significant shift in his and my beer tastes. While our first love will always be IPAs (and the bigger, the better), we both seem to be developing a new appreciation of sour beers. Now to be frank, this was a slow process. The first time either of us tried them, we turned up our noses and from opposite ends of the Earth, our tasting notes were unanimous: "Blech!" But our two favourite breweries seem to be swaying us on this style.

Robbie at Nickel Brook thought the Peach
Uber Berliner Weisse could have used a bit
more on the fruit end. I thought it was solid
as it was: a nice blend of fruit and tartness.

For Stevil, that's the guys and gals at Garage Project Brewing in Wellington, New Zealand. As well as being the ambitious crew who started up a craft brewery in an old Shell gas station, they recently opened up a bar across the street. Suffice it to say, since he lives directly around the corner, that bar has become Stevil's favourite hometown haunt. And much like my guys at Burlington's Nickel Brook Brewing, they have been tinkering with sour beers. And Steve has been cautiously testing them. About a month ago, he tried a raspberry one he quite enjoyed... and went right back to his IPAs, which are to us the same as super models are to Leo - readily available and highly enjoyable.

But Stevil recounted how the other day, one of the bar's friendly waitresses suggested he try the new experimental Garage Project Cucumber Sour beer. She persuaded him easily by: A) being attractive, B) not pepper-spraying him and C) saying words that didn't start with "How dare you..." He reviewed it to me as he was drinking it (mid-afternoon for him, previous evening for me) and he was a happy camper. "Fack, it's great! But then I have always loved the taste of cucumbers."

I liked the Mango Uber Berliner Weisse but
thought perhaps it weighed a bit too heavily
on the fruit essence. Also, it's disconcerting
to drink a beer that looks like orange juice.

Garage Project also makes (made?) a gentle 2.9% peach sour, White Mischief, and a much stronger 7.7% Wasabi Sour that I will be tasting when I touch down on Kiwi soil if they are available. Like my Nickel Brook guys, they are always experimenting with new tastes, not all of them permanent. But Steve still isn't 100% sold on the style, making it clear he's an IPA guy all the way and that he considers the sour beer to be its polar opposite.

Meanwhile here in the Northern Hemisphere, I have left it to my favourite brewery, Nickel Brook, to sway me on the style. At this time last year, I spent several hours in the brewery as the ever-patient Brewer Patrick walked me through the entire brewing process. Among the lessons I learned? Buying beer is easier than brewing it. Towards the end, I asked him which craft beer style would be the major challenger to the IPA Throne. He believed it would be sours. Among others in the brewery's Sour Fan Club are my good buddy, Tony and my growler guy, Robbie. Both guys claim they were sour beer fans from the start. I'll be honest - that's hard for me to believe. I definitely consider this style an acquired taste. But then, they work there and are constantly trying new things so there's that.

While I have avoided the Uber Berliner Weisse,
right, I am somewhat developing a taste for the
Raspberry Uber. I've purchased a few one-litre
howlers of it when I drive in to get my two-litres
(64 ounce) growlers filled with Headstock IPA. 

So now there's four sours I've tried from Nickel Brook - their regular Uber Berliner Weisse, their Raspberry Uber, their Peach Uber and their Mango Uber. It's mixed across the board. Didn't like the regular (just too sour), was conflicted on the Mango Uber (too heavy on the fruit end), liked the Peach Uber (nice balance on sour and fruit) and am now genuinely fond of the Raspberry Uber (as tart as it is sour.) One advantage to the sours that Robbie pointed out was that they were good session beers, ranging in ABV from 3.8% to 4.2%. "If I'm going to a friend's, I like taking these because you can still drive." So I'm softening on the style but like Stevil, not 100% sold. More testing is required and yes, I do this for all of you. You're welcome. Besides, as well as Berliner Weisses, both Lambics and Goses are sour styles I haven't tried. I like to be thorough. I'm like a Beer Scientist that way. Well, a Mad Beer Scientist.

Two trusted beer sources at Rib Eye Jack's Ale House, being beer technician Kylie and GM Steve, are both sour fans. While Kylie took to them quickly, Steve was slower out of the gate, telling me, "The first time I tried a Lambic, I just looked at the glass and thought, 'Is this intentional?'" His appreciation has since grown. Further testing is needed for me.

Stevil St Evil howled when I sent him this picture of Gary
and I from his 1986 wedding. "Geezuz, that looks like a still
from any John Hughes' movie from that time!" Yup, when
Gary got married, he told me, "We're gonna need some
sunglasses for the official groom-best man picture." He
bought an expensive pair of Ray Bans. I bought $3 plastic
blue ones. Gary looked at my glasses and said, "Perfect."

Not to end this on a downer but I got some bad news during the week. My college roommate's wife messaged me to say my former roomie, Gary, had passed away from heart disease. Now Gary and I were as thick as thieves in college and afterwards. Eventually, he moved to North Bay and while I did do a few road trips up there, we eventually lost touch. We reconnected two years ago when I found his wife on Facebook and had chatted a few times since. He was settled in Ottawa with wife, Pat, and two grown kids. Of course, I promised him I'd get up there for a visit and a right royal college-level beer bender. Well, that didn't happen. But while Gary has been taken away, the memories of Gary cannot be taken from me. And did he and I have some fun.

We met during a First Year Journalism field trip to Ottawa. While taking a dreadfully dull tour through Parliament Hill, he looked at me and said, "We should take our own tour."

Gary was a huge fan of The Who so here's a picture of lead
singer Roger Daltrey, circa 1975, wearing the jersey of our
beloved Toronto Maple Leafs. I am assuming this picture
was taken during one of their countless Farewell Tours.

So we roamed the halls, walking into every unlocked office, stealing things and drinking free booze, which seemed to be in every office! In Second Year, I lived with two buddies, Dave and Dennis, in the same condo building as Gary and his parents Annette and Bob. I was a regular visitor to their place when I wanted to be fed, just as Gary was to our place when he wanted to get drunk. (He snuck home when he knew his folks were asleep.) In Third Year, he and I shared an apartment in one of the scuzziest neighbourhoods in Toronto. Our building looked like the United Nations and we were the only white guys there, Gary even moreso because he was a ginger. We didn't care and frankly, our visiting friends probably scared our neighbours far more than anything else, especially the drunkenly boisterous Stevil St Evil. I was the Best Man at Gary's wedding, a marriage that lasted from the mid-1980s until now - so pretty much the only successful marriage I know among all my friends. And while I was deeply saddened and very stunned at the news of his passing, I don't think that's the point. I talked to his Mom this morning and in her thick Scottish brogue, she told me simply, "Just keep living and loving life, Don, mah love." I will, Annette, just as I will always remember your boy Gary with a smile. A smile filled with dirty secrets of our drunken shenanigans that even now, I can never tell you. Those are the best kind. Like the time we drunkenly climbed onto the stage at Diamond Lil's on the airport strip and joined the all-female chorus line. But guys and dolls, that's it, that's all and I am outta here. Until next time, I remain...