Tom, Block 3 and Goose Island IPA

My old high school crony, Tom, happily held
his retirement party at the Pipes and Taps Pub
in Oakville last Friday. As for that mystery
woman in the pic? None of us have the faintest
idea who she is. But she kept popping up in
our pictures and had some surprises for me...

So who exactly IS that mystery woman who kept appearing in pictures at my buddy Tom Weech's retirement party at the Pipes and Taps Pub in Oakville last Friday?

Well now, we're not sure. I do know this much. Tom (who we pretty much called Weechie in high school because, well, that's a pretty cool last name) has been working for the Town of Oakville since we left high school, meaning the combination of his age and years of service has put him in the incredibly enviable position of a very early retirement. And if I recall my brief sojourn into municipal politics, they have the Cadillac of pensions. So Tommy Boy is sitting pretty. But because she was in the vicinity of our gang of thugs, I assumed this woman was a co-worker of Tom's. She wasn't. In fact, she was more likely affiliated with one of the two birthday parties going on in the same pub that night.

Our introduction was interesting. I was trying to take Tom's picture on my phone and she demanded: "Why are you taking my picture?" I explained that I was, in fact, trying to takes Tom's picture. So she slid in close besides him and posed with him. My coworker Marie, who was at the party (Tom is godfather to her son, Marc) with her boy-toy Ernie, said the woman kept showing up in her pictures, as well.

But then things got really interesting. Every time she saw me after that, she said, "Hello, handsome" and gave me a quick kiss on the lips. Every single time. It was kinda funny.

Big Bad Bob Sherwood kicked it into high gear with the lead
vocals on ZZ Top's Cheap Sunglasses. Bob has always been,
you know, pretty fly for a white guy. For a bass player anyway

So why am I sharing this story? For this reason - guys, this proves beyond a shadow of a doubt that given enough alcohol, women also get "beer goggles", just like we do!!! It's now a researched fact. And as she walked away one time, it was readily apparent that she had lost her land-legs about three glasses of wine prior. Wine goes in, crazy comes out.

But back to the party. We had a blast, sending Tom off to a life of leisure... until his wife puts him to work. Bass playing Bob Sherwood, one of Tom's closest mates, was there with his band, Project 360. As he saw me approach the stage, he bellowed in the mic, "Geezuz, Donny, you look like you're ready for a day at the beach!" Given as I was wearing sandals, cargo shorts and a Hawaiian shirt, it was a fair call. Also a pretty good indicator that you shouldn't be taking any sartorial advice from me. Now I call it Bob's band, simply because he's the only member I know. I think the singer's name - and he is staggeringly good - is Ted. (Bob can correct me if I'm wrong.) But I saw Ted in the can and told him that he was in particularly fine voice for classic rock on this fine, fun evening. I added I was an old buddy of Bob's. "Oh, I know who you are," he laughed. Well sure, I'm the guy who was dressed for the beach. But I always love seeing Bob and the boys play. He was too cool for school way back when, well, we were in high school together and years before it was an actual phrase.

I think the Pipes and Taps Pub in
Oakville is the only bar I've been
to with Innis & Gunn on tap. Nice!

I was told the next day by my boss that the Pipes and Taps Pub was the Greyfriars Pub prior to 2014 but they got shut down for repeating serving minors. 'Twas her brother's favourite haunt. Glad they reopened under new ownership and here's the reason. They have my Scottish favourite Innis & Gunn Oak-Aged Ale on tap. Now yes, I recognize that Innis & Gunn is an acquired taste but apparently unlike material wealth, I've actually acquired it. I gave Marie a sip. "Tastes like wine," she said with a scrunchy face. "That's because it's oak aged," I say, sounding like I have some semblance of a clue. My fellow full-timer Jay-Dawg put it even more succinctly. "It doesn't just taste like wood," he noted. "It tastes like a freshly-sawed two-by-four was actually part of the brewing process!" Since that's how many drinkers view this beer, what can I say? Except more for me.

But all in all, an excellent night!! Tom, all the best, buddy! I would have thought with an event this dignified and sophisticated that at least a few members of the Royal Family would attend, if only to hand him a Royal Certificate. But I came after work so maybe I missed them. Zup, Prince Harry? You keep the Royal Scepter in your Royal Pants? ("Party with Prince Harry" is on my Bucket List. Never mind the fun - the pics will be worth a fortune.) And Big Bob and his Banditos of Bad-Ass? Gonna see you guys many more times. Innis & Gunn? I buy more beer than all those nay-sayers combined so panic not. You're safe here in Canada by virtue of my purchases alone. (Actually, the boys over at the LCBO told me it sells very well.)

When the Chicago Blackhawks won the Stanley Cup last
week for the third time in six years, there was a pretty
significant first. This Blackhawk is seen pouring a Steady
Hand Brewing (Crown Point, Indiana)  Citra City IPA
into the bowl. I guarantee you that is the first craft beer,
much less an IPA, to be poured into Lord Stanley's mug!!

Now before we get to weightier matters, a couple of observations about the Summer of Don thus far. The Chicago Blackhawks just won the Stanley Cup (the team is hard-stocked with Canadian players) last week and as you can see in the pic to the left, for the first time ever, a craft beer - Steady Hand's Citra City IPA - was poured into the Cup. Thus another beer has landed on my always-growing To-Drink List, which, by the virtue of this very blog, justifies the ridiculous amount of beer I consume. As well, a couple of afternoons of Day Drinking with New Zealand's Stevil St Evil taught me something about Smartphones. He has an iPhone, I have a Samsung - and neither company seems capable of creating a battery that can handle an innocent afternoon of Day Drinking. Wussy baby batteries. And finally, when a buddy is visiting, all you have to do is give the bathrooms a cursory clean-up and promise that they won't contract Hepatitis B, using the john. Steve only cared about the beer, not the cleanliness of Donny's Bar and Grill. Guys are easy to please. Feed me, put beer in front of me... and no one gets hurt.

When Block 3 Brewing opened in tiny St. Jacobs, Ontario,
in September 2013, the owners were younger than most
boy bands. In no particular order, Bryan Maher was 23,
Philip Hipkiss was 26, Graham Spence was 28 and
Derek Lebert was the old man at the tender age of 30.

Okay, then, my aforementioned co-worker Marie and her boy-toy Ernie like to wander Ontario, seeking out new fun, new friends and most importantly, new breweries. It's in their blood. Marie was born to gypsies and Ernie was a carnival worker. They'll deny this but seriously, who are you gonna believe? A hugely-respected blog writer (me, dammit, me!) or the daughter of gypsies and a carny shill? Anyway, they landed in tiny St Jacobs, Ontario, a township of less than 1,900 people. That actually doesn't include the 4,000 Old World Mennonites surrounding the sleepy community. (Seriously, don't piss off the Mennonites, St Jacobs, because you are so outnumbered. And they're handy with pitchforks.) According to Ernie, largely due to those Mennonites, the place has the most outstanding year-round Farmer's Market he has ever seen. "Cheeses, breads, other awesome things you never see here," he raved. Marie and Ernie are the most enthusiast foodies I have ever met whereas I eat food simply to coat my stomach for the upcoming onslaught of beer. Liver? Resistance is futile. Do your damn job.

How good are the guys at Block 3 Brewing?
They can brew you some great craft  beer
and then do your back-taxes! That's talent!

But the pair stumbled across Block 3 Brewing Company, which opened in September 2013. Not saying the owners are young but I can't believe the place operates without chaperones. What's the curfew at this place? Now, the youngest one, Bryan Maher, had actual brewing experience with Wellington Brewery in Guelph. The other three - Philip Hipkiss, Graham Spence and Derek Lebert - well, they were all accountants. The Bean-Counter versus Brewer Ratio at this place is seriously askew. "I couldn't believe how young these guys were!" marveled Marie. But it would seem that as well as having the cleanest books in the province, the numbers guys have added brewing some damn good craft beer to their ledgers.

Marie and Ernie brought me their 1-Up Double IPA and well, these young guns know what they're doing. At 8.7% and likely about 90 IBUs (international bitterness unit), it gives you a huge citrus punch to the nose and follows it up with some awesome bitterness on the tongue. Top flight! Next on my Block 3 To-Drink List is their Pushbroom Porter which the boys suggest tastes best "if you have a Movember moustache." I like their sense of humour.

Wait! What? This is NOT my Goose Island
IPA! I want to know who is making this beer!

Which brings us to the Canadianization of Chicago's beloved Goose Island Brewing. You see, Anheuser-Busch bought Goose Island a while back. This is not unusual these days. Big Beer likes a diverse portfolio. Craft breweries are seeing a fleet of Brinks trucks back up to their loading docks and well, it's gotta be pretty tough saying "no" to becoming instantly wealthy. I couldn't but only because relative poverty seems to come easily to me.

Long story short, Labatt is associated with Anheuser-Busch, in that they both owned by European Beer Giant, In-Bev. So Labatt has had the long-time rights to brew Budweiser and Bud Light up here since the 1980s. So hello. Ka-ching! Bud is this country's number one seller, ahead of Coors Light and Canadian, while Bud Light clocks in at number four. But because of that, they also got the rights to brew Goose Island IPA and the soon-to-be-released Goose Island Honkers Ale.

So in mid-April, we got our first shipment of Goose IPA with our Labatt's delivery. One small problem. I was in Las Vegas just two weeks earlier and was, quite frankly, living off Goose Island IPA along the strip. Every bar had it on tap. I know what Goose Island IPA tastes like. Very well. This is NOT that beer.

So wait? This Goose IPA is NOT the
same as the one from Chicago? Uhhh,
no, this is a different kettle of fish...

So what is this beer? Well, let's answer that question. Now before I start, let me note I drank Labatt Blue for decades and happily so. In a Canadian beer world of Molson's versus Labatt, I was the Labatt Dude. So I will never diss them. I enjoyed their products for years. It was cheap, it was fun... it did the job. Also, to be frank, I still believe the Guinness Extra Stout, brewed under licence here by Labatt, is far superior to the original Irish version. Sacrilege to some, I'm sure, but I'll take the burning bus to Hell for far more offensive statements about beer than that. So let's take this to the pros, shall we? In this case, the pros are myself, Beer Bros Glenn and Steve and Rib Eye Jack's Ale House beer technician Kylie. (So, really, just one pro.) Okay, let's start with the pretty, professional one. Kylie had it at the Toronto Spring Beer Festival and dismissed it out of hand, not realizing it was brewed by Labatt. "Well, that explains it," she said when I told her. Steve was in agreement - he gave it a .5 out of 5 on Untapp'd and was a little ticked at the packaging that included the significant awards won by the Chicago brewery beer. (Totally fair comment.) Glenn didn't hate it but wasn't tripping over himself with praise. "It's NOT an IPA but it's not bad," said Glenn. On this, I agree with Glenn. No, this is a decent pale ale but not an IPA.

Stevil St Evil made me pull out my Molson
Canadian Olympic skate/boot during his
stay here. That's 32 ounces of Muskoka
Mad Tom IPA in this picture here. If I'm
going to some other place in the complex
that houses Donny's Bar and Grill, this
glass is my beer vessel. Thanks, Molson!

I will call this one a Y2K IPA, meaning simply in the year 2000, this would have been cutting edge stuff. In 2015? Yeah, not so much. At 55 IBU and 5.9%, it's not quite an IPA by our standards these days. But it is a decent pale ale. Some good citrus on the nose and tongue, I can say, without lying to my corporate masters, this is the best beer they have put out since, well, Guinness Extra Stout. So there's that. And here's the thing. I have bought it several times since the first 12-pack. Sassy Cassy was at the cash one night when I did grab some and she was all, "Oh my gawd, how can you drink that? It's so hoppy!" Monkey, to me, it's mother's milk. I call her that because of the way this crazy chick climbs the beer racks, not because she looks like a monkey. She's a very pretty and fun-loving young lady - yet another cherished daughter in my Beer Store family.

Okay, next up I have a Beer List longer than your colon, which is, by the way, five feet long. So if you're a young lady like Cassy, who's the height of Tyrion, your colon is bigger than you. Don't get too uppity. But it's time to end this bad boy with a scientific thought. What do you call an organic compound in which a hydroxyl is bound to a carbon atom of an alkyl? See? Sometimes, alcohol IS the answer!!!!

Now I'm cashing in my chips and getting the hell out of Dodge. I have too many beers to talk about and I have run out of space. Again. This happens every week. But remember this. If you EVER hand your beer to me and say. "Here, hold my beer while I...", the return rate on that beer is zero. I will drink it. And then watch you nearly kill yourself. Happily. So don't. Guys and dolls, that's it, that's all and I am outta here! Until next time, I remain...